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"Losing My Virginity And Then My Heart." Part Three.
By Danny D
When it was time for midterms, Hunter started spending a lot more time in the room. Frat life and his frat brothers had been keeping him busy. I liked having him there and enjoyed listening to him jerk off at night. He had taken a midterm and had one more that week and a paper to write.
It was late. I was done studying for the night. I undressed, stripping down to my briefs and started to get into bed. "Would you read my paper for me," he said.
"I'm not all that good, but I will if you want."
"You'll catch mistakes I missed," he said. "And if you have any ideas on how to make it better." He handed me his laptop.
He undressed while I sat and read through it. "It's good, but I would move stuff at the end around. Stuff where you sum up your major points."
"Like what?" He sat down on my bed beside. "Wait let me make notes." He got up and got a pad of paper.
"Just make a copy and we can move stuff around," I said. He took the laptop from me. We worked on a copy for about twenty minutes. "I think it flows better this way," I said.
"I think you're right. Cool. I'll read it over in the morning and make connecting sentences. Thank you. I owe you."
"Forget it."
He got up and put his laptop away. I got under the covers and watched him get ready for bed. We chatted a bit. I noticed the bulge in his briefs was bigger. He had a hard on, I thought. I tried to check it out as he walked around without him noticing. He was hard. He sat on his bed and looked at me. "So, am I imagining it or did you say you'd let me watch you give yourself head."
I laughed.
He stared at me and smiled.
"Ah, I don't remember," I said. "But wait a minute, you just said you owed me. How is watching me give myself head payback for me."
He smiled and then blushed. "Ah, well, so what would be payback? I mean for the paper and for letting me watch?"
"What do you think?"
"Well, I'll get naked too and jerk off while you do it."
"How about this, we both get naked and jerk off. That sounds fair," I said and chuckled.
"I shouldn't have told you that my buddy and I traded blow jobs," he said. He pressed his hand into his crotch. I could see his bulge. "Okay, so I'll give you some head if you let me watch."
"Promise?"
"Yes, promise."
"Okay, but stand up and get naked first," I said.
Without hesitation he stood and pulled off his briefs. His hard cock sprung free. He had trimmed pubes and a cut cock. It looked to be about six inches, but thick, maybe as thick as mine. I uncovered myself. "I need to stretch a bit," I said.
"But I'm all naked," he said.
I looked at him and pulled off my briefs. My hard cock sprung free.
"Damn," he said. "Fuck. No wonder you can give yourself head." I laughed. I spent about five minutes stretching. He watched, rubbing the head of his dick. "I can't believe you can do some of that stuff. Is it the yoga that makes you so loose and strong?"
"If you do it long enough and add stuff."
"Like what?"
"Maybe I should put something on," I said.
"Why? Just do it."
I lay flat on the floor, face down, with my hands at my sides. I pressed upward, lifting my entire body off the floor. I swiveled a bit and rested on one arm. Then I put my other hand down and without my body touching the floor I went into a handstand. I noticed him staring at my cock, which was still hard. Then I moved so that I was doing the handstand with one arm.
"Fuck," he said.
Then back to two arms and I did five upside down push ups.
"No way. Damn. You're not even shaking."
I stood up. "That's just some of it."
"I had no idea you could do shit like that." He kept looking at my body. "Damn, you're lean but really strong."
I lay down on my bed and lifted my legs over my head. I looked at him and said, "You can see better from over here." He moved and knelt beside my bed. I looked at him. "You're really going to give me head?"
"Turn this way," he said.
I twisted my hips toward him. He took my cock in his hand. This would be the first time my cock was in some else's mouth. I watched as he took me into his mouth. I sighed. It felt fantastic. He licked and bobbed back and forth. I noticed that he was stroking his cock, while he stroked and sucked on mine.
"Your turn," he said.
I opened my mouth, licked the head of my cock and then lowered myself deep into my mouth. I began thrusting my hips taking more and more of my cock. I pulled my scrotum back, it was lying on my face, covering my nose and then pressed as far as I could, taking almost all of it.
"Fuck," he said.
I uncurled and pointed my cock toward him. Without hesitation he sucked on it. When he stopped, I said, "You want some head?"
"Fuck yeah."
He stood. I sat up in bed. This would be the first time I had sucked some else's cock. I opened my mouth and took him in. "Yeah," he said. I sucked and licked, enjoying my first cock. I took him deep into my throat, pressing my nose against his trimmed pubes. "Oh fuck," he moaned. "Can you do that again?" I did. "Oh wow. I know I can't do that to you. Fuck, that feels so good."
He went back to sucking my dick. I watched, surprised at how uninhibited he was, taking my cock, stroking it, sucking it, licking it and enjoying it.
He got me close. I pulled my cock from his mouth and stroked it. He pushed my hand away and stroked me to orgasm.
"Fuck," he said. "You're like a fucking cum fountain."
I laughed. It was one of the best orgasms I'd had in a long time. My first blowjob, my first hand job and it was from a straight guy. I wiped myself clean and said, "Lie down. Let me return the favor."
He lay on my bed. I took his cock in hand and stroked, then sucked, deep throating his cock. I felt the head of his cock become firm. Having come down my own throat many times, I knew what that meant. I let his cock fall from my mouth. "I'm close," he moaned as I started stroking his cock. I took hold of his balls and gently pulled. His body began to shake. "Oh fuck, yeah," he moaned and cum shot from his cock. "Oh fuck." He thrashed around and squirmed as I squeezed the last drop from him.
He lay there breathing hard. I picked up my briefs and wiped his chest clean. He opened his eyes and looked at me. "Damn, you're ruining me."
I smiled. "How's that?"
"No one, no girl, not my friend, has ever given me head that felt like that. I don't know if I've ever come that hard. That was amazing." He lay there, his body looked to be still climaxing. "Fuck. I feel like I'm still coming."
I stood up and wiped off my hand. He got up. His cock was still hard and pointing to the ceiling. "How did you get so good at that?"
"A lot of practice on my own cock, I guess. When you're doing it to yourself you know exactly how to make it feel better."
"Fuck. I've got to find a girl with a cock," he said.
"There are those. I think they're called pre-op transsexuals."
I turned off the lights and climbed in bed. He said, "That stays between us, right?"
"Yes," I said. "So does me sucking my own cock."
"For sure." It was quiet for a while. "That was really hot," he said.
A few nights went by. Midterms were over. He was again spending time at the house. But one night he offered to give me head if I'd let him watch me give myself head again. I agreed. After sucking myself, while he stroked his cock kneeling beside my bed, I asked, "Why does this turn you on?"
"I don't know, but it really gets me hot. Maybe it's the whole thing about straight guys sucking cock and the whole thing about if you can suck your own would you suck your buddies. That's what was so intense about my buddy and me. What really turns you on?" he asked.
When he said straight guy my stomach twisted into a knot. "What you did last time, giving me head and a hand job. I also like to play with my ass."
"What do you mean?"
"Put my finger up there when I jerk off."
We both sucked my cock and then he jerked me off. We traded places and I gave him head. He moaned and groaned. I stroked him to orgasm.
I was hanging out a lot with Bastian. Even though I enjoyed the two blowjobs I got from Hunter, I wanted to jerk off again with Bastian. I felt very attracted to him. Although he was in my room a lot, even studying there when Hunter was at the frat house, he never mentioned jerking off or being horny. I decided that if it was going to happen again, I was going to have to say something. He can't get weird about it, I decided, he was into it when we did it.
When you're on quarters, finals come quickly. I felt like I had just taken midterms and I was getting ready for finals. I was doing well, so there was no actual pressure on me, but my anxiety level always went up when exams approached. It helped having Bastian in my philosophy class. Math and science classes were always easy for me. I did well in social science classes, but they always scared me. Everything, especially the tests, always seemed arbitrary. I never knew what was important. Bastian and I compared notes, went over what we read and quizzed each other.
Hunter had been acting strange. He was spending less time in our room and spending nights at the house or at a friend's apartment. He came to the dorms, had dinner and then had taken his books and headed to his frat house. Bastian and I had done all the readings for philosophy and we decided that we wanted to get organized for the final so we could concentrate on other classes and then review for the final. We put in a couple of hours, went to the grill and got a snack and then headed back. I knew I was going to say something, but wasn't sure what. He was talking about one of the guys on the floor above us who he thought might not be back. "The stress is getting to him," he said. "Plus he has one of those single rooms. That has to be tough, not having a roommate."
"Depends on your roommate," I said.
"The stress kind of gets to me too," he said.
"Tell me about it," I said. "It's not like high school."
"What do you do for stress?" he asked. I started to say something when he said, "Besides swimming and yoga."
"That's it mostly," I said and then thought that that was my opening. "And jerking off. That's the nice thing about Hunter being away so much lately. I can just take a break, jerk off and then get back to studying."
"Lucky you."
"I told you, anytime you want, I'm good with it. You want to when we get back? Hunter said he's not coming back tonight. He's been doing that a lot."
"Yeah, sure." We were almost at the dorm. "I thought maybe it felt weird to you."
"No, not at all," I said. "I mean I like jerking off alone, but it was great fun doing it with you."
"Let's go," he said. "I'm getting boned already."
The thought of sitting beside him naked and jerking got me instantly hard. We went to my room. As soon as we entered he started undressing. "I haven't jerked off in two days," he said.
I undressed. I jerked off last night.
I was about to get on my bed when he said, "Can I see how much bigger you are?"
I wasn't sure how he wanted to do this, but he moved toward me, stood almost chest to chest and put his cock beside mine. Our cocks were pointing upward. He pressed his down. I did the same. He put his beside mine and then moved forward. My cock pressed against his trimmed pubes. "About an inch," he said.
"What does it feel like to have foreskin? I mean when you jerk off?"
"Touch it," he said, "if you want. Yours feels tight." I looked at him. "I had a friend in The Netherlands who was cut. Go ahead."
I gripped his cock, stroked it and watched the skin move over the head of his cock. He gripped mine and stroked. He said, "See, your skin is tight and mine is loose."
"Yeah," I said. "That's cool."
"Your cock is thicker than mine too," he said.
We moved and sat on my bed. I felt nervous. I wanted to suck on his cock so badly. He seemed very comfortable. I noticed him watching me stroke my cock. I saw that he had pre-cum. I squeezed my cock and brought up a bead of pre-cum. He chuckled and then wiped his pre-cum with his finger and licked it. I squeezed more out and then leaned forward and licked it off.
"Oh yeah, that's so hot," he said.
I leaned forward again and took the head of my cock into my mouth and sucked on it. I stroked hard and soon another bead sat on my cock.
He said, "Can I?"
"Yeah, sure," I said not sure what he was going to do.
He leaned forward. I couldn't see what he was doing, but I could feel him lick my cock and then I felt him taking it into his mouth. He bobbed up and down a few times and then sat up. "You have a nice cock," he said.
"Thank you. So do you. Can I?" I said, moving toward his cock.
"For sure."
I wasn't sure how to suck an uncut cock. I put my lips over it and went down on him. I noticed him pull the skin back. I took hold of his cock, pull the skin back, exposing the head and licked and sucked, taking him deep into my throat.
"Nice," he said. "You've done this before, like me."
I sat up. "I can suck myself."
"Do you cum in your mouth and swallow?" he asked, stroking.
"Yeah, I do sometimes."
"Can I watch you do that?"
"Sure," I said and started to move. But he moved and started sucking my cock. I watched him. He was almost as good as I was, but I was enjoying it a lot more than when I do it. He turned and moved my legs. I realized that he wanted me to suck his cock while he sucked mine. I did. I heard myself moan as I put his dick into my mouth.
We sucked each other. I licked his balls. With his hand, he pushed one of them into my mouth. I sucked the other one in. I had a mouthful of testicles that I pressed with my tongue. He moaned loudly. Then he sucked my balls into his mouth.
"Damn," he said, that's a mouthful.
"Yeah, so are you." We went back to licking and sucking. I didn't know what to concentrate on, him sucking me or me sucking him.
He said, "You are really good. It seems like you're close."
"Yeah, pretty close," I said.
"How much of your cock can you get in?"
I moved and turned around. He lay in bed beside me. I flipped my legs over my head and pressed my cock into my mouth, pulling my balls sac back. "Oh wow, nice," he said. "No wonder you're so good."
I began thrusting my hips. I could feel that he was stroking his cock as he watched. "I'm really close," I said. I stroked my cock, keeping the tip of my cock just over my tongue. "Here goes." I began coming. Shot after shot hit my tongue and rolled down my throat.
"Oh yeah."
I licked my cock and swallowed and lay flat.
"My turn," he said. I moved, giving him room. He threw his legs over his head. His cock was about a half inch from his mouth. "This is as close as I can get." He began stroking hard. He seemed unsteady. I put my hand on his hip to steady him. He stopped stroking. "Do this," he said. He passed his fingers from the lower part of his butt crack and then over his scrotum. "Is that okay?"
"Yeah, sure," I said. I began running my fingers over him. He began stroking again. I moved my fingers to his butt hole and then went from there to his scrotum and then ran my fingers over the entire crack of his ass and down to his scrotum. "Oh that feels so good," he moaned. "I'm going to come."
I watched as streams of cum exploded from his dick, into his mouth and then watched him swallow.
He lay flat and started laughing.
"What?" I said.
"I wanted to blow your mind, but I think you've blown mine."
"Are you good with this?"
He looked at me. "Fuck, yeah. I love doing weird stuff. Do you?"
"Yes, I guess. I mean I've never done much stuff with another person."
He rolled over and said, "You ever play with your butt?"
"Yes," I said.
"I love that."
I smiled. "I thought so. So do I, a lot."
We lay on my bed naked and talked. He told me about the two guys he had a "thing" with. He and a boy he met last summer in Amsterdam had a thing for a few weeks. "The other guy was a friend in Amsterdam. "We were friends from when I lived there. Then one summer we just started hooking up for almost the entire summer."
"Do you still talk to him? Are you going back this summer? Will you hook up with him again?"
"We email. Yeah, I'm going back this summer. Last summer he had a girlfriend so we didn't hook up. We just hung out a lot. He introduced me to a girl and she and I hooked up. Maybe if he doesn't have a girlfriend this summer we'll hook up or maybe we won't."
"It's cool that you're so comfortable with it."
"It's not like here. Sex is sex and fun and he's my friend. I mean not all guys feel like that. Some guys only like girls and some only like guys, but a lot of guys and girls just have fun. Do you like to just have fun?"
"Yeah, I guess. Usually, I just have fun with myself," I said and smiled.
"I like doing that too."
We dressed and went back to studying. I kept telling myself not to like him too much. I wondered if he'd fuck me. He never said that he fucked his friend. But he said that he liked to have his ass played with. I liked playing with it.
Bastian went to his room to sleep. The next morning I had breakfast with him with a couple of other guys from our floor.
Hunter was in the room when I came back from class. "Hey," I said. "How's it going?"
"Fine," he said, not looking at me. I had this weird feeling. He just sat at his desk. I sat at mine. "I've got to ask you something and I'd appreciate an honest answer."
I turned in my chair and looked at him. He sounded angry. "What's going on?" I asked.
He stared at me. "So, you said something," he stopped.
"What? When?"
He stared at me. "You like having your ass fucked?"
"What?"
"You said that?"
"I think I said I like to have it played with." I felt sick.
"Whatever. Are you gay?"
"What does having my ass played with have to do with being gay?"
"So you are. If you weren't you'd say no. You are, aren't you?"
I felt my face burning hot. "So. So, I'm gay."
"FUCK. Damn it. You should have told me."
"Really? What difference does it make?" Now I was scared.
"Difference? You're attracted to me. That's the difference. Me and my buddy blew each other, but we were never attracted to each other. I'm not attracted to you. I don't want some guy attracted to me."
"I'm not attracted to you."
"Fuck if you're not. I saw how hard you were."
"You were hard."
"Yeah, but I was turned on because of what you were doing, not because you were a guy. I wasn't doing anything and you were turned on. You told me to get naked. You wanted to see me naked and that turned you on."
"Well, I'm not attracted to you."
"Look, I don't care if someone is gay. I had a gay friend in high school and there are gay guys in my house, but I'd never have sex with a gay guy. That's just gross."
I felt scared.
He was angry. I thought if he wasn't worried that I'd kick his ass he'd hit me, which I probably could, but wouldn't want to. He stood suddenly. It startled me. I'm moving out. I went to the housing office. I told them I wanted out of my contract and I told them why. They said I could leave after finals, but I'm moving out tomorrow. I'm coming with some of my brothers. Don't be here. He grabbed his books and computer and some stuff from his drawers and closet and left.
I felt sick, scared, embarrassed, anxious. First my hands started shaking then my insides. I wanted to talk to someone but who? Could I call The Coach? Would he be angry? He said to call. I did.
"He's an asshole," he said. "He's just panicking because he was so turned on. He asked you to play."
"He told the housing department that he had to move out because I'm gay and attracted to him. He told them it made him feel sick."
"Don't worry about them. Let him move out. In the long run it's for the best."
We talked for over an hour. Gary got on the phone. He said, "Are you panicking?"
"No, I'm feeling better, just talking to you and The Coach."
"We can fly up this weekend. We'd love to see you and our old Alma Mater."
"No, thank you, I think I'll be okay. I might call you again if I get to feeling crazy."
The Coach got back on the phone. He started with reminding me that I wasn't that funny looking skinny short prepubescent boy, but a young attractive smart man who happens to be gay.
I had told him about Bastian. "Maybe he'll think the same as Hunter," I said. "Maybe he'll be angry."
"Okay, think about it. Does he seem like he'd be like that? Is he anything like Hunter?"
"No, but I never thought Hunter would either. And everyone on the floor is going to know now. He'll tell everyone why he's moving out. Bastian will hear about it from someone."
"He can't tell anyone why he's moving out. If he does he knows you could tell them about what you two did. He'll just come up with some lame excuse." Neither of us spoke. "Jordan. At some point you're going to tell people or at least someone that you're gay. You have to if you're going to ever start really socializing with gay men, you know, meet someone. You can't stay locked up in your room waiting for guys like Bastian. There aren't many like that."
"Yeah, I guess. But I scared people will act like Hunter."
"I know. I know. When you're ready you'll tell people. But here's a suggestion. Don't have sex with any more guys until you tell them that you're gay. Not because of shit like with Hunter, but because you'll enjoy it a lot more if you know that they are fully into you, even if it's just for fun."
I sighed. "You're right." Silence. "You're always right."
"Not always. Probably more often than not I'm wrong, but I think in this case I am right."
I went to the housing office and asked if I could move into a single room. They said that they might have one coming available in my dorm and that I would be the first on their list.