Allan learned the difference between looking and seeing. The day Cort moved in, memories of his high school buddy flashed.
As Cort lifted each box and suitcase, his muscled arms revealed definition. His bare chest bulged and his back muscles tightened with each lift.
Allan's pants filled with his erection.
"So when did you get that?" He asked.
Cort smiled and stood up. His pecs were still inflated making the two gold rings that dangled from each nipple swing. His flat stomach muscles surfaced as he breathed.
"Hell, a year ago. It's been that long?" Cort asked.
Allan wasn't sure if he could be the guy's roommate without revealing his realized sexuality. In high school nobody talked about it, rather every one talked about girls, breasts, getting laid and their own imagined prowess.
But Allan looked. He saw the early sprouting of armpit hair on classmates; he snuck looks at penis size and pubic hair.
Rushing home, he examined himself in the mirror. Was he the same as his classmates? Were they manlier then he because their armpits had hair before he did? Were their penis larger then his?
The more he wondered, imagined and fantasized the more excited he got and relished the self satisfying masturbation that would soon follow.
"So how many times do you do it?" Cort asked him while drying his naked body after the daily group shower.
"Huh" Allan asked feeling his face blush.
"You know, jacking. I did it twice this morning and god I gotta do it now" He said
Allan's eyes looked down to see if the boy's penis was sticking out hard. It wasn't. He was confused. His felt like it would harden any minute.
"Uh gotta go" he said and moved away to cover what he feared would happen with his towel at the locker.
He remembered that day now as he saw Cort again over a year since they both graduated. He had gone away to college the following fall and Cort went to a community college back home.
"So what have you been up to this past year" Cort flicked one of the nipple rings. He smiled either from whatever sensation he had given himself or some unrevealed thought.
He crouched by the boxes.
Allan couldn't help see his former classmate's testicles bulging in one leg of his shorts.
"Uh not much, study, video games, pizza, work, jack off, you know the usual" he tried to sound aloof.
"Hell now we can do that together" Cort said laughing for an unknown reason.
"Cool" Allan said.
He was surprised with Cort's email arrived during his first freshman months. They hadn't talked over the summer; Cort had gone to work on a relative's farm somewhere.
Then suddenly there it was. He was asking about the campus life, complaining about still living at home and asked about the girls at Allan's college.
"Shit it's hot" Cort said as he pulled his shorts off "You don't care do you?" he asked.
Allan saw the round bare buttocks, the dangling penis and balls.
"Hell no, it's our home, we can go bareass whenever" Allan said wanting to strip naked as well but feared Cort's reaction to his hidden hard cock.
"Cool, free at last free at last" he recited and danced around "You know how it feels"
Allan, like most high school grads felt the freedom moving away from his parent's constant supervision.
Cort continued moving his boxes into the closet or the bedroom they would share.
"Hey what do you think about us being roommates?" Cort's email asked. They were both finishing their respective first years.
Allan jacked off thinking about Cort that night while staring at the email. Would he tell the guy he was gay? Would Cort care? Was he as horny as ever and be thrilled to have a roommate who would gladly suck him off any time day or not?
Allan never asked him.
"Let's do it" he replied and here Cort was months later making the transition from high school classmate to his grown up college roommate.
"So how was the farm?" Allan asked as he pretended to read while glancing at the naked body that was now in his life.
"OK, got stronger" Cort said
"Yea I see, looks good" Allan replied.
"Thanks, now I get looks from everyone"
Allan looked up.
"Girls, old dudes even" Cort said "other guys too" he winked.
"Is that how you got the rings?"
"Kinda, I'll tell you about that someday, after some beers" Cort said again flicking one of the rings.
"So what did you do on the farm?"
"Worked, pitch forking hay, painted the old man's house, kept the farmhands bunkhouse clean and had to keep them, you know, happy" Cort was blushing.
"So lots of blowjobs huh?" Allan laughed wondering though trying to sound like he was kidding.
"That and more" Cort said "how about you, what debauchery have you been up to?"
"This and that, late night cruising" Allan heard himself admitting to his secret life. It felt good to say it out loud even if he was vague.
"Where you goin?" Cruise asked. He was one of the four sharing the dorm room with Allan.
"Just need air" Allan said the second month at the campus. It was true, he needed air. And he had heard stories about what went on in the labyrinth of bushes and trees behind the gym and next to the stadium.
He wandered among the shadows. There were shadowed college classmates wandering among the bushes and trees. He saw two hugging, another kneeling in front of a standing shadow. The rumors were true.
A hand brushed across his butt. The Indian summer air was as hot as the summer. He removed his shirt without thinking.
Standing near the edge of a line of trees, he watched others move about like silent sex hungry cattle. A hand moved across his bare torso and down to his crotch. It removed his cock and devoured it. Allan was being sucked for the first time. He came quickly and moved away.
But his curiosity lured him back to the darkness, the available hands, mouths and lips. He kissed and was kissed, he knelt to suck until he did it better. He let hands moved inside his jeans. He knelt to suck and didn't move away when other hands lowered his trousers to introduce him to what he swore he'd never do.
The guilt dissipated and he returned again and again. He planned to tell his parents at Christmas but once he was back at home, he was the kid again, not the grown up man who realized he was gay.
"Not much, I guess. But learned things about myself" he narrowly confessed to Cort. He knew he'd tell him eventually. They'd see each other naked, probably hard before long. He couldn't hide his admiration of Cort's body.
"Yea me too, that's cool. Maybe we can talk about it" Cort said "if you're willing"
Allan looked up. Cort's penis was larger then before.
"Sorry I get boners all the time" he said
"Yea me too we'll get used to it" Allan said happily watching the fleshy tube get harder.
He had snuck peeks at his dormitory roommates during that first year. He had wanted to reveal his interest but decided his sexual identity was best kept among the shadows and bushes that year.
Arriving at the reputed beach the previous summer, he doffed his clothes among the many other men and women who were lying about on towels, playing volleyball, swimming playing beach football.
"Hey dude you're new here" Tony bent over and stuck out his hand. Allan took it and shook while staring at the dangling penis above him.
"Yea, just got back from college" Allan said.
"I just got back too, but from Afghanistan" The guy kept his hand clasped to Allan's "Mind if I join you?"
They lay next to each other naked. Allan feared his interest would reveal itself soon. But as they talked, his fear subsided. He learned about the soldier's experiences and shared his own.
They swam, wrestling, grabbing and splashing each other as Allan did as a kid. The fact they were naked didn't matter.
"Come on" Tony said taking Allan's hand. They hiked to the southern end of the beach and into the rocks.
Tony helped Allan over some rocks "I know a place" he said.
Wading through water that was neck high they eventually went into a small cove of sand.
"It's nice" Allan said and before he could object, he was being entangled in Tony's arms and being kissed. He kissed back.
They explored the bodies they had been well aware of already, but touching now was different.
Lips left each other to touch skin elsewhere. Allan felt Tony's lips desperate for his milk; he held back not wanting to end this sex he was having in the sunlight for the first time.
He returned the interest, taking Tony's thickness as deep as his throat would allow.
He lay face down in the sand feeling Tony's hands massage his neck, back, buttocks, thighs and back to his butthole, fingering it, massaging and then stretching it to receive him.
"Shit kid you're tight" Tony said "love it"
Tony exhausted lay on the sand and Allan turned over. He began to jack his cock feeling Tony still inside him.
"No let me" Tony moved his hand away to brush away sand so his mouth and tongue could worship the balls and cock that were available.
"Gonna cum" Allan warned. He had learned the polite thing to do in the bushes warning an unseen partner who didn't want to taste or feel the sperm his body would provide.
"Good" Tony said returning his lips around Allan's cock, sliding down to the streams of cum would spurt down his throat.
They stood side by side pissing. Tony's hand rested on Allan's bare butt.
"We should meet here again" he said patting the butt he had fucked.
"I'll be here all summer"
Each day turned Allan's body browner and increased his satisfaction at being who he knew he was.
"So any summer romances?" Cort asked as he stood at the frig tilting his head back and pouring a beer down his throat.
It was a sight that made Allan's pissslit ooze out precum.
"Yea one or two" he said "nothing serious"
"Me too" Cort said "educational" he added "that's why I thought we'd be good roommates.
The boxes were gone, the suitcases unpacked, books piled and computer plugged in. The living room had a TV courtesy of Allan's parents, used furniture courtesy of the former tenants. Their bedroom had two twin beds again inherited from the college kids who had been there before them.
Cort's naked body was gone too, replaced by worn jeans and a tee shirt that didn't hide the memorized view Allan had earlier.
They found others willing to share a table, pitchers of beer and pizzas. The dinner lasted hours. Nobody had classes for days. Everybody had need for new friends and whatever was ahead in their lives.
"I'm fucking drunk" Cort said resting his arm on Allan's shoulder. They pretended to stagger enjoying the comraderie.
Allan held his friend up as they tripped up the stairs to the third floor and the apartment they had begun to share.
"I uh gotta tell you sumpthin" Cort slurred
"Tomorrow, we're too drunk now" Allan said
He unashamedly watched Cort standing at the toilet letting processed beer flow into the toilet.
"Enjoy watching?" Cort asked
Allan didn't know how to respond.
"It's cool man, come on, I got more" Cort waved.
Allan stood nearby holding his own cock now trying to relax enough to piss while Cort's penis spurted more urine.
Then the two shared the relief at the same time.
"So guy, let's get it over with" Cort said as they moved into the bedroom. He was stripping and throwing his clothes on the bed intended to be his.
"Yea get some sleep" Allan said obviously not as drunk as Cort appeared.
"I sleep naked, ok with you?" Cort said as he stood there flicking each of his nipple rings.
"Yea me too" Allan lied. Until that moment he always wore underwear and a t-shirt to bed. He wasn't sure why.
Now he was naked. Thanks to the beer, his cock wasn't totally hard though his brain was aroused.
"Good, let me show you how I kept the farm hands happy" Cort climbed onto Allan's bed. His hands reached and his lips lowered.
"Shit" Allan said
"God it's so good to finally be able to do this" Cort said returning to sucking the cock his words had indicated he wanted.
Allan could see the naked body curled next to him, the familiar buttocks, the strong back the gold necklace encircled neck.
His gut did more then knot up as it had before. His hands reached to touch, examing, record each muscle and inch of flesh within his reach.
"Finally" he whispered as he bent over to kiss the flesh. The head moved as Corts tongue was licking the balls and cock he remembered. Allan wondered if Cort had snuck looks at his manhood in high school the way he had done.
How many other classmates thought about each other's bodies while jacking off.
Cort turned, Allan moved to kiss and lick the chest, stomach, the cock and balls that were available to him. He tugged on each nipple ring which made Cort moan louder begging for more.
He lifted the muscular legs that curled willingly to invade the closed flesh until it opened and swallowed his hardness. It was warm inside. Something gripped his cock like a strong thumb and finger holding tight then releasing as he pushed and pulled his cock.
"God you're good" Cort complimenting him.
He had wondered if Cort would push him against the wall in the gym shower fucking him while others watched and learned he was a homo needing exactly what Cort was doing to him.
He fucked Cort now, hoping the favor would be returned like the pleasure Tony had introduced him too. Without asking, Cort moved away pushing him to the floor. Allan laughed and climbed back on the bed where Cort pushed him to his face.
"Bit the pillow bitch" Cort ordered.
The pain demanded he do just that until his ass muscles stretched and accepted Corts' fat erection worshiping, holding, squeezing and loving it's repeated insertions.
"Don't cum yet" Allan begged
"Don't worry I can keep cumming" Cort promised. Allan turned over enjoying the sound of Cort's cock popping out of his clenched butthole.
Allan watched the thick cock shower him. Then Cort knelt forward licking his puddles off Allan's body.
He reached up and pulled Cort to him, feeling the body with his own, kissing the lips, stroking the tongue with his own. He was hungry, Cort was too.
How little he knew about the man who now shared his animal lust. He should have talked to him long before. Perhaps then, they would have been more then gym class friends.
They threw up their mortars into the air and yelled as the band played. They posed for photos for their demanding parents. Then they shook hands and hugged. It was over. Childhood was gone. The graduation parties would be the final exit to those years.
What lay ahead was too scary to think about that day.
Cort hugged Allan and others. But Allan remembered Cort. He would disappear into the past like many others. He hugged the clothed body he had thought about in private times alone wishing he wasn't. Graduation would dismiss that longing, the fantasies and exchange them to memories he knew.
Allan didn't dream that a few emails later, he'd be with Cort again.
It was the darkness Allan remembered. The naked guy in his arms was snoring lightly. The body was his to touch and be touched by. The cock was his to play with, suck, swallow orally and anally.
Hours had passed they had done it all to each other. Now one slept. Allan was too excited to sleep. His heart beat in rhythm to the pulse it felt from Cort's head resting on it.
"Shit" he said to nobody. A year and a half after high school graduation, he was not only out of the closet gay but had a lover, one he had looked at but not seen, until that day.