Title: Logrolling Mr. Drew Carl Dedicated to: Gary Nelson Author: Christopher Trevor
"GUYS!!! GUYS!!! Come on, this isn't funny anymore!!" senior banking VP, Drew Carl shouted desperately...
...as he urgently tried to keep himself balanced on the log he had been positioned on by three of his vengeful protégés...
...as the log drifted in the deep water of the upstate stream he had been brought to...
...OR...
...to be more precise, the upstate stream his three vengeful protégés had shanghaied him to...
"Come on guys, I-I can't keep this up much longer!!"
Drew Carl shouted, as the log he was on floated further out in the stream...
...and he tried rolling it back toward shore...
...all while wearing his suit and tie and wingtip lace-up shoes...
"GUYS, please!!!"
But, as the log the banking VP was precariously balanced on floated back toward shore, his top protégé, a young executive named Gary Nelson, used a long thick stick to push the log back out in the stream.
"Not so fast, boss man, you still have some logrolling to do," Gary snickered and his two office buddies, who were with him laughed meanly.
"Damn it, Gary!!" Drew Carl bellowed. "I'll fall in the water and ruin my custom made suit and $5000.00 shoes!! This really sucks ass you guys!!"
"Not to worry, Mr. Carl!" Mitchell Gibson, the banking VP's (so called) right hand man called out from shore...
...as he held up a suit on a hanger.
"I got you covered!! I brought along the suit you keep in your office for the times you wind up having to stay overnight at the office, because it gets so busy, HA!!"
"Great, just fucking great, Gibson!!" Drew Carl yelled, as he worked his big feet to spin the log he was on so he would remain balanced. "That makes me feel world's better, but not where my goddamned shoes are concerned!"
Standing next to Mitchell, Charles Goldin, Drew Carl's third protégé and junior executive said, "He keeps a suit in his office when he stays overnight? Dude, don't you know anything? He keeps that suit there when he stays overnight at his mistress's apartment..."
At that, the three young men, all standing on the shore of the stream, in their suits and ties laughed raucously.
"Yeah, and if his mistress could see him now," Gary Nelson chuckled.
Drew Carl, having managed to steal a glance at the Rolex on his left wrist, next called out, "Guys, c'mon now!! I've been at this for nearly a half hour! My legs are aching here!! Please, this isn't a joke anymore!!" as he went on logrolling and flailing his arms out to stay balanced on the log.
"Was it a joke to you when we didn't get the raises you promised us, Mr. Carl?"
Mitchell piped up. "And then took the credit for the money saving idea that Gary here came up with?"
"Yeah, and YOU got a nice hefty bonus for that idea at that...Mr. Carl!" Gary said, sneering, as the VP rolled perilously on the log...further out stream...
"ALRIGHT, AL-FUCKING-RIGHT!!" Drew Carl thundered miserably. "I'm sorry I was such a prick, but doing to me what you're doing to me here, making me logroll, is really a shitty thing to do to me!!"
Once more, all three of the junior executives laughed heartily...
"Yeah, funny, real funny, make the boss logroll and maybe even ruin his custom made suit...SHIT!!!" the senior VP snarled...
...his wingtip shoed feet now working overtime in order for him to maintain his balance.
"The way I see it, boss man, we could have made that predicament you're in a lot worse!" Charles said. "I had wanted you blindfolded while logrolling. HA, blindfolded, just like you were when we brought you here earlier today!"
"HA fucking HA is right, Charles!!" Drew Carl roared... "More like you shanghaied my handsome ass!!!"
...and at the mention of having been brought to the upstate stream, the banking VP's mind wandered back to how this entire fiasco had begun that day...
...that early morning to be exact...
...when he had arrived at work...
...and parked his BMW in his private parking space in the underground lot of the office building the bank he worked for was housed in...
He turned the car's ignition off, stepped out and to the trunk, where he kept his attaché case, which contained all the banking documents he had brought home the night before to work on for the day's upcoming meetings.
But, it was as he was about to use his electronic key to open the trunk of his car when he noticed...
"Shit, all the security camera down here are off," the banking VP said to himself, noticing that the red dot lights on all the parking lot camera were out. "I wonder if the security chief knows about this...better call him..."
With that, the high-end executive pointed his electronic car opener toward the trunk, pressed a button, heard a beeping sound and the trunk of his BMW popped open. Quickly pocketing his electronic car opener in his suit jacket pocket, Drew Carl reached for his attaché case, which, besides containing important banking documents, contained his banking only cell phone.
But, it was as he popped the attaché case open to get his banking cell phone that he was suddenly grabbed by the upper arms from behind and yanked back a few inches from the car.
"ULLLPPPP!!!!" the banking VP yelped. "What the fuck???"
Quickly looking from side to side Drew saw, "Mitchell, Charles!!! What are you guys up to???"
"What they're...and I'm up to Mr. Carl, is to teach you a lesson in honesty and polite office politics..." Gary Nelson said, as he stepped up to the boss man and trailed two fingers over his tie.
"WHAT???" Drew Carl seethed, struggling like crazy in Mitchell's and Charles' grasps. "Teach me a lesson in honesty and polite office politics???"
Gary then stepped behind the banking VP, took a long white cloth from his suit pants pocket and proceeded to tie it over the VP's eyes, knotting it tightly in back.
"HEY!!!" the three men's boss man roared, as he then found himself being pushed forward toward his car...towards his car's trunk to be exact. "SHIT, take this goddamned blindfold off me you idiots!"
"Now Mr. Carl, we're all going for a long ride in your BMW here," Gary explained. "And you would do well not to make any noise. It could end rather badly for you if you do..."
The VP heard the three men laughing mockingly, Gary grabbed his boss man's legs at the calves; Drew Carl's three protégés hoisted the man up...and deposited him in the trunk of the car.
"OH FUCK, you guys are crazy!!! What is this shit???" the now terrified banking VP cried out, not needing three guesses, even though he was blindfolded, to know he had been lifted into the large trunk of his very expensive vehicle.
"All will be explained when we reach our destination, Mr. Carl..." Charles said...
...and the trunk was slammed shut.
"C'mon you guys, this isn't funny!!!" Drew Carl shouted. "Lemme the fuck outa here!!!"
But then, the no-nonsense VP felt the movement of his three protégés getting in the car...
...and the car started...
"SHIT!!!!" the VP reeled, his mind awhirl over this twisted turn of events...
...and wondering why in all fucks his three best workers had shanghaied him in such a fashion.
The BMW then rolled out of the underground garage, Gary Nelson at the wheel...
...and headed quickly for the highway that would take the men upstate...
"FUCCCKKKK!!!!" the three young men in the car were able to hear Drew Carl roaring.
A half hour or so later the car came to a slow halt. The VP was able to hear the car doors being opened and slammed shut and then the feeling as the three young men disembarked from the vehicle. Drew Carl wondered if they had reached their destination.
The trunk was popped open and the banking VP felt the warmth of the sun beating down on him.
"You were smart not to take off the blindfold, Mr. Carl," he heard Mitchell say.
"Are we wherever the fuck you intended to bring me?" the VP barked, trying to reposition himself a bit more comfortably in the blasted trunk of the car. "I'm telling you three, you would do best to drive us all back to the bank and get on with the day's work and..."
"No, we're not where we intend to bring you Mr. Carl," Gary Nelson replied. "We just stopped to stretch our legs a bit...and to give you some water."
With that, Drew Carl felt the tip of a bottle pressed to his lips. He sipped gratefully.
"TH-thanks, I guess," he said softly. "I really wish though that you guys would tell me what this is all..."
But before the man could complete his sentence, he was meanly shoved back down into the trunk and the lid was slammed shut.
Moments later, the car was moving again...
"Shit, shit, shit..." Drew Carl seethed miserably.
Gary Nelson brought the BMW to a slow halt approximately an hour and a half later, a few feet from the stream.
"Perfect, there's plenty of logs to choose from," Gary said, as he looked out the windshield. "Let's get our boss man out of the trunk and send him logrolling...HA!!!"
The three men climbed swiftly out of the car, Gary pointed the electronic key at the trunk and once again, it popped open. At that point Drew Carl's protégés saw that their well-suited boss man was dripping in sweat and his blindfold was matted to his handsome face.
"Fucking shitty thing you guys, making me ride in the trunk of the car," the banking VP said angrily as Mitchell and Charles helped him out of the trunk and to his feet.
"No worries Boss man, you'll be able to cool off real soon," Gary laughed and whipped the blindfold off the VP.
Standing there, still a bit wobbly on his feet, as Mitchell and Charles held him steady by his upper arms, Drew Carl allowed his eyes to adjust to the sunshine bright day...
...and looked around in wonderment and confusion...
"Why, why in all fucks did you bring me here?" the VP asked, as next, Mitchell and Charles were moving him toward the stream...
...and to a long log that was half in and half out of the water.
"Like we told you back in the garage Boss man, you need a lesson in honesty and polite office politics," Gary said, as he stood next to the log.
"Look guys, let's just get back to the office, okay?" Drew Carl asked desperately. "I'll see this as a great joke you three played on me, we'll go out for some drinks after work, laugh about it..."
But the boss man's words were cut short when Mitchell and Charles gripped his upper arms tighter yet, hoisted him a few inches off the ground, and positioned him in the center of the log, balancing him.
"HEY, what now you bastards???" the VP shouted...
...and when Gary Nelson pushed the log out into the stream with his foot, Drew Carl received the answer to his last question...
He quickly raised his arms out to his sides, flailing them, as he began rolling his wing-tipped dressed feet to stay atop the log and not fall into the stream.
"SHHHIIIITTT, what's the point of this???" the banking VP roared crazily then, as the log drifted out-stream...
Now, Drew Carl's mind returned to the present, and as he continued logrolling, breathless at that point, he shouted, "Okay, okay you fucking unforgiving bastards, you win!!! You fucking win!"
"What exactly does that mean, Mr. Carl?" Gary Nelson called out.
"I'll, I'll make sure you all get the raises I promised you!" the VP replied breathlessly, as he logrolled and logrolled.
"AND?" Gary Nelson asked next.
"SHIT, I'll tell everyone it was your money saving idea that was implemented and not mine!" Drew Carl railed. "And I'll even make sure you get a top drawer bonus for that idea Gary!! Can I please now roll back to shore??? Please you guys...PLEASE!!!"
Gary looked at his two co-workers, they all nodded in the affirmative, and Gary called out, "Okay Mr. Carl that sounds like a plan come on, roll back on in..."
With a sigh of relief, Drew Carl managed to maneuver the log so that now, as he logrolled, he was moving toward shore, gasping breathlessly as he did so...
"I can't believe he managed to stay on that log all that time," Charles laughed.
"Yeah, he has more stamina than we gave him credit for," Gary Nelson agreed, watching as the boss man logrolled back to shore.
Finally, when the log reached shore, Drew Carl muttered, "Made it..."
...but then, as he was about to step off the log and onto the ground with his three protégés, the VP found himself falling backwards...
...and he hit the water with a loud SPLASH...
"AWWWWWWWHHH shitttttt!!!!" Drew Carl railed as he flounced around miserably in the water. "Of all the rotten luck..."
"HA, looks like you'll need the extra suit after all Boss man!" Mitchell cackled meanly...
...as he and Gary Nelson and Charles watched Drew Carl make his way out of the water on his hands and knees, soaked to the skin.
"FUCK, of all things..." the VP said as he got to his feet...
...stomped over to Mitchell, grabbed the suit from him and as he stepped to the other side of his BMW to change, he said, "Yeah, great that you brought my extra suit, but I'll still have wet shoes, socks and underwear. Should just make you guys drive me home instead of back to the office, but there's too much damned work to be done..."
Shortly, dressed in the dry suit, but his shoes, socks and underwear still wet, Drew Carl trudged from the side of the BMW with his sopping wet suit in hand. He chucked it angrily in the trunk, looked at his three protégés and said, "And being that I learned my lesson out here today there's no way I'm riding back in that trunk!"
Gary laughed and said, "I suppose that's a reasonable request, Mr. Carl..."
"You bet it is," the VP seethed and headed for the passenger side door of his car. "One of you can drive us back. After what you three put me through today it's the least you can do and..."
But suddenly, Drew Carl found himself again set upon, as Mitchell and Charles roughly grabbed his arms, pulled him away from the car and walked him back toward the log.
"HEY!!! What the fuck???" the VP shouted.
"Looks like you still need a lesson in being polite, Mr. Carl..." Gary quipped...
...and moments later, the log was again drifting out-stream...
...with banking executive, Drew Carl once more aboard it and logrolling to stay balanced, swearing like a captured marine...
The End