Chapter 11
"So what exactly are we here for?" AJ asked, looking at his watch. "I can think of a lot more fun things to do."
"We're waiting for Kevin." Brian told him.
"Something's really wrong, isn't it?" Howie asked. He could see the controlled rage in Brian's eyes, and the fear in Nick's.
"Yeah, something is wrong." Brian agreed. "Something's been wrong for a long time."
"Well don't keep us in suspense." AJ leant forward in his chair, finally interested. "What's up?"
Brian was about to speak when the doorbell sounded. Brian looked across at Nick, who shook his head.
"Don't, Brian." He pleaded for the final time. "Not like this."
"It's okay, Nicky." Brian told him, trying to sound reassuring. Nick looked away, his eyes filled with untold sadness. AJ and Howie looked at each other in alarm as Brian left the room to open the door. When he came back, he was accompanied by Kevin.
"So exactly what is this about?" Kevin asked. As he entered the room, his head snapped up as he saw AJ, Howie and Nick sitting solemnly, waiting.
"Well that's exactly what I brought you here to find out." Brian told him. "Why don't you sit down?"
"I don't want to sit down." Kevin looked at him challengingly. "I want to know what this is about."
"Me and Nicky are together now." Brian exclaimed, his voice suddenly changing from demanding to somewhat smug. "Did you know that?"
"No. Congratulations." Kevin muttered. "But if that's all you have to say, then I'm going."
"You're not going anywhere." Brian's hand shot to the door and he slammed it shut. "I haven't finished talking yet."
"So finish already." Kevin exclaimed simply. Brian noticed with satisfaction that tiny beads of perspiration were starting to form on the older man's forehead. Good, he thought. Let him sweat this out.
"Well I'll continue shall I?" Brian carried on. "This morning, me and Nick were talking. Somehow, we got onto the subject of you, and realised that we were able to compare notes in certain areas."
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Kevin whispered.
"I think you know Kevin. I think you've known all along, haven't you?"
"What?" AJ asked, breaking the painstaking silence that followed. "What has he known?"
"That me and Nick are in love with each other. That he lied to both of us, told us that we didn't have a hope in hell with each other." Brian looked at Kevin, tears forming in his eyes. "He's just played us against each other."
"How could you do that Kevin?" Howie asked, his large brown eyes narrowing in horror. Kevin stood uncomfortably, still and silent.
"Oh, but it gets better." Brian continued. "It gets way better."
"Brian, don't do this." Nick stood up suddenly. Brian angrily wiped some tears from his face.
"Because he didn't do this to us because he disliked gays. Nothing like that. He did it so he could jump the only person I love at the first chance he got." Brian shouted.
"It wasn't like that." Kevin whispered, but his words fell on deaf ears as AJ and Howie both stood up in horror.
"Tell me you didn't." AJ begged him. "Tell me you didn't, Kev." He looked at Kevin, who shook his head, unable to speak.
"He can't tell you because it's true." Brian sneered. "He fucked Nick the first chance he got, even though he knew we were in love with each other."
"I love him too." Kevin finally shouted. "I know I didn't go about it in the best way, but I did love him." He turned to Nick. "I never lied to you about that, Nick."
"How can you love him?" Brian shouted. "You raped him as far as I'm concerned."
"No." Kevin shook his head. "I didn't."
"He wouldn't have been willing if he knew that I loved him. You're a rapist, Kevin. My own cousin is a godamn rapist." Brian sobbed. "But you're not my cousin, are you? I will never call you my cousin again. I'm ashamed that I ever did. I spit on you Kevin, I truly spit on you."
"Please, Brian, it wasn't like that. I know I did wrong, but I couldn't help loving him. I still can't." He turned to AJ and Howie, desperately imploring them. "You have to believe me, guys."
"You bastard." Howie hissed from under his breath. "How could you do that?
How could you do that - to him? To the most innocent kid you know?"
"I wish I hadn't." Kevin sobbed. "But I did, and I'm truly sorry, but I couldn't help it. We all lose control sometimes."
"Don't you talk to me about control." Howie screamed at him. "Nobody loses control like that, nobody."
"Please don't act like this." Kevin sobbed. The next thing anyone knew, Howie had slammed his fist into Kevin's face so hard that Kevin was sent sprawling into the chair behind him.
"Okay Howie, that's enough." AJ pulled him away from Kevin.
"I'm sorry, everyone. Especially you, Nicky." Kevin stood up shakily, nursing his now- bleeding nose. "But I never lied about loving you. That's the one thing I never lied about."
"It's a shame that you lied about everything else then." Nick whispered sadly. Kevin looked at him properly at that moment, and finally realised the true horror of what he'd done. The boy was nineteen, still a kid, and still innocent. He'd taken advantage of that innocence like a certifiable child molester, and he hadn't thought about it for a single instance. Now, Nick's eyes still carried that innocence, but a light had been extinguished in them, the light that had made Kevin fall in love with him in the first place.
"Oh God." Kevin sobbed. "What have I done?" He stumbled to the door, and this time Brian didn't stand in his way. After he had gone, Nick turned to Brian angrily.
"So was that enough?"
"It was enough." Brian nodded. "It was more than enough."
Kevin walked solidly for the next hour, unsure of where he was going, until he reached a small clearing in the roadside. He remembered now; him and AJ had been there once before, when the two of them had been friends.
"Not anymore." He whispered, before laughing wryly to himself. "Not ever again."
He walked into the forest and made his way to the high bridge which led over some deep, fast-flowing water. Before, the idea of killing himself had never occurred to him; now, it seemed the only natural thing to do. His cousin had disowned him, one of his best friends had punched him so hard he had probably broken Kevin's nose, and his one true love couldn't stand to look at him. Yeah, he was pretty fucked whatever way he looked at it.
He looked down at the clear, gushing water, and it looked so inviting. So pure. Maybe it will cleanse me, Kevin thought to himself. Rid me of my impurities. Maybe I can die clean.
He stepped up onto the next level, wrapping his hands around the cool, thin metal bars that separated him from certain death. All he had to do was climb over, and jump. Just a few simple actions.
With utter calmness, he climbed over the bars. There was nothing separating him now but the grip of his own hands around the bars. Below him, way, way below him, he could hear the water roaring. It no longer seemed pure. Now that he couldn't see it, and could only hear it, it sounded like it would tear him apart, not cleanse him.
"But isn't that what I want?" He whispered. "Isn't that what I deserve?" The answer was a resounding yes. Every time he closed his eyes he could see Nick's tear-stained face. If that wasn't reason to die, Kevin didn't know what was.
As he lent forward, he thought he heard someone shouting his name. Quietly at first, getting louder. He opened his eyes, and turned his head to the side as far as he could. He could see someone running towards him. AJ. It was AJ.
"Kevin, please don't do this." AJ finally made it to the bridge. "No matter how low you feel now, you can't do this."
"Why not?" Kevin asked. "What have I got to live for?"
"You've got everything to live for."
"Like what? A family? My cousin has disowned me, and I can't stand to be around my parents anymore. My career? I'm practically the least popular member, remember? And what about love? Well, the less said about that the better."
"First of all, Brian has not disowned you. He hates you now, sure, but he has a good heart. He will forgive you in time. And as for your parents, everyone goes through bad patches. I haven't spoken to my dad in six years, and look how well adjusted I am." AJ exclaimed, and Kevin laughed in spite of himself. "And as for you being the least popular member, well you know that's bullshit. It's obviously Howie, by no stretch of the imagination." Kevin laughed again, and his grip tightened on the bars. "And last of all, there's love." AJ said softly. "Fine, Nick's never going to love you again. That's not your fault; it's just the way you feel. But I know someone who would quickly follow you if you ever killed yourself, because of love."
"Who?" Kevin asked in disbelief.
"Me, Kevin. I've been in love with you since the moment I first saw you. I've never stopped, and I never will. So kill yourself now, and I'll follow you. But I want you to know that you don't have to be alone anymore."
Kevin shook his head, realisation setting in. He couldn't kill himself, not now. Shakily, he turned round slowly, and climbed back over the bars, AJ helping him.
"Thank you." AJ whispered. Kevin looked at him, and then turned away.
"I can't do this, AJ. It wouldn't be fair on you. I'm sorry." Kevin began walking away.
"Don't walk away from me, Kevin." AJ pleaded. "Please don't walk away from me."
"Forget about me, AJ. You can't love me. Please, just forget about me." Kevin continued walking, without looking back. As he walked away, he heard AJ's anguished sobs. "Just carry on walking." He told himself. "Just carry on walking."
Just a couple more chapters to go, people. Then it's all over. Will Kevin ever wake up and smell the coffee? Will Nick have a last minute change of mind? Will Brian take AJ's place as the resident asshole? Will AJ become a travelling monk? Will Howie ever get a starring role? All this and more answered very, very soon. See ya!