Little Big Man

LITTLE BIG MAN – a serial novel by Travis Creel

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX: WRITING ASSIGNMENT

Previously: Dmitri invites colleagues for a business meeting, with Alex servicing them under the table. Faced with conflicting demands that were impossible to satisfy, Alex is unfairly punished for failing to do his duties completely. He spends a confusing afternoon: scheduled to be fucked by Grigory, he is first surprised to find that Pyotr has won the right to steal the fuck. But Ilya usurps Pyotr's fuck for himself and tells Alex to lie to Dmitri about the fuck. When Alex refuses, Ilya forces him to run as if he was escaping, videoing Alex's sprint and threatening to present it to Dmitri as a genuine escape attempt. He warns Alex that his predecessor Jackson had attempted to escape, and that "Jackson has no balls now."

At Saturday night's `party', Dmitri's business associates show up, along with one of their slaves. A competition ensues in which the winner wins the right to have Alex as an overnight guest. Alex doesn't notice – or particularly care – who it was.

FLASHFORWARD: SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 11 – MASTER'S BEDROOM

• Okay, Alexei, you may talk freely. I read what you write so far.

• (Yes, and?)

FURTHER FLASHFORWARD: SUNDAY, AUGUST 8 OF THE FOLLOWING YEAR

ALEX: Okay, don't freak out, whoever's reading this. A flashforward within a flashforward? This conversation last November was significant, both for what was and was not said. Master had just read about my first two weeks of slavery, including the incident when Ilya stole Pyotr's fuck and filmed me `escaping' to blackmail me into covering it up.

When writing about that incident, I knew what Ilya had on Pyotr to pressure him into giving up his fuck – the boyfriend from the village. I omitted that detail to protect Pyotr. But, after reading how Ilya had ordered me to lie to him, Master should have taken some action against Ilya – and, inexplicably (at the time) he didn't. At the very least, I expected him to mention it in the conversation we had after he read that chapter. But it never came up.

Here's what did. Rewind.

FLASHBACK TO THE FLASHFORWARD: SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 11 – MASTER'S BEDROOM

• Okay, Alexei, you may talk freely. I read what you write so far.

• (Yes, and?)

• Is acceptable description of first two weeks and first two parties.

• (Yes, and?)

• I have good sense of initial adjustment.

• (Yes, and?)

• I know that most of time between then and now is repeat – repeating - ?

• Repetitive?

• Repeatitive, da. Get up, work, obey, discipline, sex – every day is same, yes?

• Some days stick out more than others.

• Ones at beginning more sharp in memory?

• It was all new to me then. Then it did get a little – not boring, being a slave is not boring – but routine.

• Here is what I want you do. Tell me about days that – most important days. I want you choose three time. Three time that, as you say, stick out. Between first two weeks and now.

• Only three?

• Only three.

• Three like, individual days, or . . . could it be one thing spread out over a few days?

• You decide. Call it three story. Three story important to you.

• Important to me. Not what I think is important to you.

• You think something important to me that not important to you?

• That sounds like a trick question.

• Answer it.

• Maybe. You and I have different objectives.

• Agree. That is why you are fail.

• . . . What? . . . You think I'm failing?

• Yes.

• (omg) . . . Master, I . . . Master, I don't want to fail. . . I've been obedient, I've done everything you've asked. Not asked, required. Master, I – please, how do I not fail?

• When you and I have same objective: that when you not fail. To good slave, only thing important is Master objective.

• But I cannot read your mind. I don't always know what's important to you.

• That is what you must learn. But you have time. And you trying. You on path.

• But I'm not there.

• Not yet, no. You write well about what important to you before contest, during contest, on board ship. Then you become slave. You write about make adjustment, how difficult is, what daily life is, who have sex with you. I see also you recognize you are gay – no, do not give me look, I see. I see when you write about Ruslan. And Pyotr. Also on ship you get erection cause by other boy. Is important step even if you not admit out loud – without know you are gay, is no hope of being good slave. But you do know – even after two week, your body know your true nature, even if your mind not ready to accept.

• Why are you telling me this?

• I want help you become good slave. You have great – what is word? Po- . . . po-something.

• Potential?

• Da, potential. But not fulfill. Is why I want you write story – three most important thing that happen. Three thing most important to YOU. And then we discuss why. Maybe if I see what important to you, I help you strip out unimportant thing.

• I don't understand.

• Your mind in trouble, Alexei. You have things inside. Demons. Past life. Things that cloud mind. You need to clear mind, get rid of things you don't need.

• So I am writing these three stories . . .

• So I can see what important to you. Then I help you get rid of them. Now conversation over, no more talk freely. Get on bed, I going to fuck you.

ALEXEI: Well, at least I knew one thing that was important to Master – my ass.

Yes, I am calling myself Alexei now, per Master's instructions. He gave me my Russian name at the end of August – supposed to be some kind of honor, I guess. I can still call myself Alex if I'm writing about a point in time before I became Alexei – but after August I have to be Alexei. Well, as I said before, it's better than Igor.

I suppose, while he was pumping away at my nether regions, I should have concentrated on giving him the best fuck possible. Instead, I was passive and let him drill away while my mind was thinking about which three stories I would tell.

There were things I knew that I thought Master should know. If my only concern was Master and not anyone else, maybe he should know about Pyotr's boyfriend, for example. But it wasn't my place to tell him. And it wasn't what Master had ordered me to do.

Instead, I thought through all the events of the summer and fall and the psychological effect they had on me. And then it became easier, at least as to which were the most meaningful for me. I could identify the three stories that affected me the most. But were they stories I wanted to tell? Interestingly, all three stories involved trips, in some way.

One – the last, chronologically - was obvious. Master would expect me to write about the trip we took together, though he may not have realized why.

The second was also clear in my mind. It was my first trip outside of the house and one that gave me a glimmer of hope. I don't think Master would mind knowing about that.

The first story – that was the question mark.

Master was right that I now realize I am gay, and that life as a bottom suits me. I have never said it to him – it's probably the only thing I have knowingly lied about. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he converted me. But it wasn't Ruslan who prompted the lightbulb moment – yes, I'm gay – although I don't know why it wasn't. It was someone else.

But to tell that story would be dangerous for Pyotr. Should I tell it?

I thought back to the very beginning of this adventure, when I naively applied to the Little Big Man program. And how I gave my father as a reference, knowing that he would trash me. And how I won the state contest by being totally honest.

Maybe that was the key. I had to take a risk. I had to be totally honest.

Well, maybe not totally. Maybe I wouldn't tell him everything.

Maybe I wouldn't tell him anything.

And maybe I should tell him everything.

Decisions, decisions.

[COMING UP NEXT: CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN - FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS]