Wow, 10 chapters! Trust me when I say that I never thought this story would go on this long. It originally started as a therapy for me, but has evolved into something much more. I want to thank all of you for your kind words of support and encouragement. This is for all of us still hanging on to our dreams despite the world and it's cruelty.
I found this chapter hard to write because of my current life. It is difficult to write the beginnings of love when my own romantic situation is faltering, but, never-the-less, I managed. Maybe this is that near perfect ideal some crave for. I don't know.
As usual, I do not know NSYNC, anyone affiliated with them, or any other celebrities that may pop in at some point. Their sexual orientations/habits and personalities are a mystery to me, so I made up my own versions of what I think they could be. That's right, this is fiction. If you don't like stories involving varied relationships between men, or are deemed underage in your community, please go elsewhere for your entertainment.
A Light in the Tunnel
Chapter 10:
"Thank you so much, Justin! I need the help in the worst way!"
"What was Chris mumbling about when we left?"
Burke smiled, running his fingers through his blond highlights. "He thinks I'm being silly. Sure, I have a closet full of clothes, but none of them were right. Know what I mean?"
"He's just an old man. Of course I know what you mean. What did you wear on your last date? That way I know what to shop for."
"Umm--" Burke faltered, suddenly aware of how awkward and inexperienced he really was. Justin was only a few years older, but had seen and done more in his relatively short life than Burke ever would. His voice so low it could barely be heard over the stereo, he answered, "This is sorta my first date."
He closed his eyes, waiting for the teasing to begin. "Really? Sweet! Are you nervous? You shouldn't be because Josh already likes you and everything. Do you know where y'all are going?"
"Slow down, Justin. Yes, it's my first date. Yes, I'm nervous. No, I don't know where we're going. Josh said something about dinner and a movie."
The car screeched to a stop in the parking lot of the mall, Burke bracing his arms on the dash so he wouldn't be thrown through the windshield. Scowling, he wondered where Justin had taken his driving test, and how on earth he had passed. "Dinner and a movie, huh? Not very original, but it sounds like Josh. That rules out anything too fancy." They hurried into the building, the temperature and humidity stifling. Justin, his head covered by a strange form of cowboy hat, studied a map of the mall, scanning the list of stores as if he had never been there before. He muttered each option to himself, weighing the probability they would have something. Snapping his fingers, Justin took off toward the escalators, Burke scurrying behind.
Digging through the racks, Justin piled Burke's arms high with shirts and pants, then pushed the laden boy into a dressing room, going to look for belts while he changed into the first of many outfits. One by one, pieces were discarded for one reason or another; a blue shirt with a black stripe across the chest was too wide in the shoulders, a pair of jeans hung just a bit too low, a sweater wasn't the right shade of green. Slowly the pile dwindled, leaving only a few things they both thought were nice enough to choose from. "How about those black jeans and the red shirt?"
"It works. Put a black wife-beater under it and this belt, and you'll be good to go. Do you have shoes?"
"My black Sketchers?" Justin nodded enthusiastically. "That didn't take long, only--"
"Two hours!" the singer laughed, checking his watch. Burke's eyes bulged, not realizing they had been there that long. "Don't worry. You should have seen how long it took for Scoop to get ready for his first date!"
Paying for his new clothes, Burke instantly saw recognition in the eyes of the girl behind the counter. He could tell the gears in her head were churning, trying to figure out if the man at his side was who she thought he was. "Oh my God," she slowly gasped.
"Hey, Julie," Justin smiled, reading her nametag. "My brother and I are in a bit of a hurry. Could you ring up his stuff real quick? I'd really appreciate it." He gave her his biggest, brightest smile. Moving faster than any other clerk in history, Julie handed Burke his receipt. "Thanks a lot." Justin casually grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled a short message on it. "Thanks for helping." He leaned over the counter and kissed her cheek.
They had barely made it out the door when they heard the girl start shrieking. Justin laughed hysterically and Burke simply shook his head. "You know, Miss Julie is going to grow old with big, nasty, dirty spot on her cheek. She'll never wash her face again."
"That because everyone knows I'm a god," Justin winked.
"Whatever."
Justin stopped dead in his tracks, clutching at his chest as if he were having a heart attack. "Is hell freezing over? Am I to understand that you don't like me best?"
Burke held his stomach, trying not to pee his pants. "You, great Justin, are a shopping god, the patron saint of the fashion inept, hero to those with clothing questions! You have single handedly saved me from looking mediocre!"
"It sounds like I should be some sort of superhero!"
Burke grinned evilly. "Yep. And I know millions of people would love to see you in baby blue tights."
"Hey!"
As the time grew later, Burke's nervousness increased. He stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom, fidgeting with his hair, trying to get every lock to lay perfectly. Groaning, he yelled for Chris. The man appeared in the doorway, an amused smile on his face. "Trouble?" Burke growled. "Don't tease me, dad, just help me with my hair." Burke sat on the toilet, giving himself over to Chris' abilities. "You know, I think I did this for Lance a couple of times. He always came running, and I would fix him up. I think his problem was that he couldn't get his hands to stop shaking." "You mean like this?" Burke held his hands out so Chris could see their seizure-like trembling. "Yeah," he snickered, "like that." A few more minutes and Chris moved away. "You look very handsome, son. Take a look." Burke gazed at himself in the mirror, then turned and threw himself against Chris. "Thank you!" "You're very welcome. Now go finish getting dressed." As Burke came clomping down the stairs, the doorbell rang. Since he was closest, he opened it. Lance stood there, his back toward the door. "Hi Lance. What are you doing here?" The man looked around for a moment. "Uh, I need--umm--a--cup of sugar. Yeah, I'm making something for when Josh's parents come and I realized I didn't have enough sugar. Do you have some?" Burke's eyebrow arched. "Probably in the kitchen. Go ahead and help yourself." He followed his friend, wondering what was really going on. Lance filled a bowl with sugar, but sat it on the counter and went into the living room, sitting down with Chris. Burke was just about to join them when the doorbell rang again. "Can you get that?" Burke nodded. Opening the door, Justin sprang in. "Good. I was afraid Chris had tried to convince you to wear something else, so I came over to check. You look really good, bro." "Thanks Justin." Though they talked about other things, everyone was conscious of the ticking clock. Without warning, Joey bounded into the room, all eyes falling on him. "Hi! I was--looking for Lance to talk to him about something. He wasn't at home, but I guess he's here." "Come on in," Chris laughed. Burke paced the room, not knowing why they were all there and anxious about what would happen later that night. He stood at the window, hoping to see Josh's jeep pull up so they could get going. Instead, a hunter green sedan swung into the driveway. "Dad? Who do you know that drives a green Lexus?" "Joey's mom. Why?" "I think she just got here. It's her, and Lynn's with her too." Once they were all seated in the living room, Burke's frazzled nerves got the best of him. Why was everyone there? The guys dropped by all the time, but Lynn and Phyllis? He was edgy enough without them making it worse. No one seemed to have any purpose, and that made his imagination run wild. Having enough of the mystery, he stormed into the room. "Not that I mind seeing you all, but what's going on? Lance wanted sugar for whatever he's cooking, but it's still sitting in the kitchen. Joe wanted to talk to Lance, but I don't think you've said anything that you couldn't do over the phone. Justin wanted to make sure I was dressed, which I am. I don't know why you ladies are here." "We--uh--" Lynn stuttered. "Let's not lie to the boy, he going to start looking like a wreck." "Josh isn't coming, is he? He really thought about everything and decided it wouldn't be a good idea to go out. So you all are here to make sure I don't fall to pieces, right? Don't worry, I'm a big boy. It's not like we're in love, or he's leaving me at the alter." Chris sighed, heaving himself off the couch. "No, Burke, that's not it at all. All of these people are here for one reason only, and it's pretty cute. They're here to see you off on your first date." Burke sputtered as he tried to come up with something to say. Every person in the room smiled at him, their faces bright and honest, some of them for the first time since they had arrived. "Huh?" he muttered dumbly. Lance cackled. "It's not everyday that you go on your first date, Burke." Phyllis, as if she were looking upon one of her own children, dabbed at her glistening eyes with a tissue. "Ah, Burke, you're growing up." The boy blushed at the fuss being made over him, touched that they cared so much. "Sheesh! It's just dinner and a movie!" Chris cracked a wicked grin. "If it's just dinner and a movie, why were your hands shaking worse than an earthquake, and why are you pacing the room like a caged lion?" Burke just stood there, having no excuse except anxiety couple with excitement. "I thought so." "Can I get a couple before Josh gets here?" Lynn asked. "A couple what?" "Pictures, silly. I'll have to have some of the two of you together because Karen will want to see. This roll is almost finished so I can take it to one of those twenty-four hour places. That way they'll be developed before their plane comes in tomorrow." "How many pictures?" Burke cringed, hating to have his picture taken. He knew perfectly well that, even if he had the looks, he could never be a model or famous like the guys. Cameras made him irritated, and he hated the way all the photos of him turned out. "Just a few," Lynn answered, joined by everyone else as they scrambled to get their cameras ready. Though he wanted to turn them down flat, Burke saw how happy they looked. They moved onto the back porch, and started snapping away. Between faked smiles, he growled at them, his annoyance and irritation going ignored. "That's enough! Josh will be here in a few minutes. Go do whatever you want for a bit, Burke." Burke mouthed his thanks to Chris, and quickly rushed inside before anyone could protest. Sitting in his room, Burke flipped through a book about the singers, remembering all his daydreams of dating a member. Despite the vivid pictures he had imagined or the romantic scenes he had written, never once did he delude himself into thinking it would ever happen. They were famous, surrounded by the beautiful people of the world, and he couldn't compete with that. Besides, up until a couple months ago, NSYNC hadn't known Burke Kennedy even existed. Now, here he sat, calming his nerves before his first date, a date with JC Chasez. A small tinge of pride crept into his eyes. How many others in the universe could say the same thing? At the same time, his self-doubts came up. He was just a kid, nothing special at all. What was that when compared to stardom and all those associated with it? How could he measure up to models of all kinds, actors, or other gorgeous musicians? "Burke?" Phyllis call from the hallway, tapping lightly on the door. She peeked inside. "He's here." Burke put his book on its shelf, and shoved his hands deep within his pockets, unwilling to let Josh see exactly how nervous he was. Going slowly since he was afraid of tumbling down the stairs and making a fool of himself, he heard and saw the flashes of cameras. That made him smirk, knowing that Josh hadn't escaped the treatment he had gotten. Standing in the doorway of the living room, he watched Josh pose for the photographs, his smile flashing. Their eyes met over the heads of their friends and family, gray locking on blue. Josh winked slyly, and Burke's knees shook. Holding his hands out to make them stop, Josh wove through the small crowd, making his way over to Burke. "Hi, Burke. You look wonderful." Burke managed not to laugh when he finally saw what his date was wearing: blue jeans, a black wife-beater, and a navy blue cotton shirt left unbuttoned. Except for the colors, they were dressed alike. "You do too, Josh." The man reached over to the high table next to them, taking a bouquet of flowers off. "I, uh, brought you flowers." Burke took them and buried his nose in the blossoms, smelling deeply. "Thank you. These are beautiful." "I'll put them in water for you, Burke," Lynn jumped in sensing the awkwardness of the moment. They were moved into the foyer, standing together for pictures on the staircase. At one point, Josh moved a step or two up, standing behind Burke. He casually wrapped his arms around the boy's waist and rested his head on Burke's shoulder. Not sure what else to do, Burke laid his arms over Josh's. >From that position, Burke could feel the heat of Josh's body spreading across his back, the man's chest pressing against him with each breath. Taking a deep breath, he could smell the spicy aroma of his cologne. His heart fluttered, all too willing to remain in Josh's strong embrace. "Are we done now?" Josh asked, careful to speak softly so he wouldn't yell in Burke's ear. They relented, and Burke was left feeling cold, Josh moving away. "Ready?" Burke nodded, not trusting his voice at that moment. "Ok, see you all later." "Don't be out too late, and drive safely," Chris warned, walking them to the door. "Of course." "Have fun Burke." "I will, dad." Josh's hand gently pushing on the small of his back, Burke was led toward the jeep, Josh darting ahead to open the door. They sped off down the road, not aware of the smiling faces in the front windows. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Instead of a restaurant, classy, cheap, or somewhere in between, they wound up in the parking lot of a preserve just outside of town. Burke wanted to ask why they were there, but kept silent, figuring Josh knew what he was doing. They got out of the jeep, Josh grapping a small cooler from the backseat. Burke's fear of man eating alligators forced him to stick close to the man as they started down a narrow, tree lined path marked with a warning sign, an excuse he welcomed readily. "Josh?" "Don't worry. It's talking about the lake and marsh. We aren't going anywhere near them." Every now and then, Burke stopped to sniff flowers growing along the way, noticing none of them smelled as good as Josh had when they were nestled together for pictures. The thought made his cheeks redden, hoping Josh wouldn't see and ask questions. Through the small, thick wood they hiked, finally emerging onto a verdant, slightly rolling field blanketed, in spots, by short clumps of purple clover and spikes of wild daisies. "Just a little further," Josh motioned, breaking Burke's awe of the place, "just over that rise." As they finished their trek, Burke had to remind himself that it was probably illegal to pick the flowers, having to be content with running his fingers through the tall grasses. "Aha! We're here!" A little further down the trail, at the top of a modest hill, was a clearing. Squinting to see better, Burke gasped at what he saw. Spread out over the close cut grass was a cream and green plaid blanket, a large wicker basket atop it. "I hope you don't mind. I thought this would be nicer than a crowded restaurant, quieter and everything." "Oh, Josh," Burke gushed, "this is wonderful. How did you get everything set up?" Josh was happy, pleased with himself that he had come up with an idea Burke liked. He had wanted to be someplace where neither of them would have to worry about fans or nosy reporters, and this picnic seemed to do the trick. "Trade secrets. Sometimes it pays to have connections. Wanna sit?" Burke dropped to the ground, folding his legs underneath himself. Josh knelt across from him, and started rummaging through the basket. Burke watched with interest as he withdrew a thin board and sat it between them, then pulled out two candles and a lighter. "And Josh said, 'Let there be light!'," Burke joked as the candles came flickering to life. Delving back in, Josh quickly sat two plates, glasses, and silverware out. From the cooler brought from the jeep, a glass bottle appeared. Burke yelped as the cork exploded into the air. "Josh, Chris will kill me for drinking that, and he'll kill you for giving it to me!" "Don't worry. It's non-alcoholic. It isn't as good as the real thing, but it's still good. You like champagne, right?" Burke shrugged, not sure if he wanted to admit that he had never had more than a sip of alcohol, a furtive drink of wine at a cousin's wedding years earlier. "I'll just give you a little bit so you can taste. I brought soda too, just in case." Burke, like so many others, giggled as the bubbles tickled his nose. The tawny liquid was rather sweet, with a bit of a zing to it. "It's pretty good, but I wouldn't want it all the time." Josh topped off his glass, then proceeded to spread containers of food around them. One by one, he took the lids off, displaying a variety. "Oops!" Josh gasped, slamming the cover back on one bowl and shoving it into the basket. "That one shouldn't be here. Though fleeting, Burke had caught a glimpse of the dish, some kind of meat. Josh frowned, hoping this wouldn't ruin what he hoped was a wonderful evening. "Veal," he grimaced. "Chris told me after I had things set up. Sorry." Burke reached out and patted his friend's hand. "Don't worry about it. You didn't know. He looked down, and saw his long, thin fingers resting close to Josh's, almost intertwined, and he yanked away, afraid of giving the man the wrong impression. "So," he tried to cover quickly, "did you cook all of this?" Josh's head looked up, his gaze still on the place that Burke had touched, and gave an embarrassed smile. "No, I had it catered." His cheeks turned crimson. "I'm not really that great of a cook." "That's ok, I'll do the cooking." Burke's mouth snapped shut and his skin paled. He had just talked about a future with Josh, one of the most famous and talented men on the planet. And yes, if anyone ever demanded that he admit it, one of the most gorgeous. "I'll be at the table anytime you feel up to it," Josh smiled sweetly, pretending not to notice Burke's words or ensuing shame. "But anyway. I didn't know exactly what you liked, so I just picked a few things. I hope that's alright." "Of course it is. It all looks so good!" They dug in, each putting a dab of everything on their plates. Talk between bites, they gabbed casually, just discussing whatever topic came up without forcing anything. Though he considered himself a well informed fan, Burke listened, enrapt as Josh told stories about how he had gotten to be part of NSYNC. He had read that Josh was shy, but couldn't picture the man across from him, his arms waving wildly as he described his favorite skit from the Mickey Mouse Club, as anything but an extrovert. Yes, he had seen him nervous, but shyness was a concept he couldn't fathom. Josh, on the other hand, listened to Burke's tales of childhood, enjoying the floating lilt of his voice, but noticing the way he avoided anything painful. Since they were due to arrive the next day, Josh related things about his mother, father, and younger brother, saying that Tyler was supposed to be coming too. Burke giggled, easily picturing the Christmas morning's of Josh's childhood. The food long gone, Josh laid two containers of pie out, one cherry, the other apple. Telling the singer about his strange fruit dislikes, he slid the cherry onto his plate. "I'm glad we don't have to fight it out. I was hoping to get the apple!" "Then why were you offering it to me?" "Because I wanted you to pick. I would've eaten the other, but it wouldn't have been as good as the apple. Besides, it's the nice thing to do." Burke looked down at the pie in front of him, then shyly at Josh. "This whole picnic has been nice," he murmured. "I'm glad you liked it." They smiled at each other for a moment, then snickered and finished their desserts. From within the confines of the basket, Josh pulled out a tiny, battery operated radio, and turned it on, soft music mixing with the chirps and squeaks of the birds around them. "I think that basket is like the bag on Mary Poppins! What else do you have in there?" Josh playfully smacked Burke's hand away from the basket. "Nothing else. I just know how to pack." Burke's eyebrow arched. "Well, my helpers know how to pack." Burke managed to convince Josh to let him help put the empty bowls and dirty plates away, something the older guy was set against. "Look, the sun is setting." They both turned, and gazed toward the west, watching the sun make its slow descent to the horizon. The sky, a few high clouds streaming over the blue, burst into crimson flames, streaks of gold, amber, rose, and orchid tinting the colored expanse. Without thinking about it, totally lost in the blazing beauty before him, Burke lay down on his side, his head falling gently into Josh's lap. As cobalt faded to azure and navy and midnight, the singer's hand found it's way to Burke's hair, stroking the silky tresses. The last vestiges of lilac and plum light disappearing, Josh folded part of the blanket over Burke, content with the silent closeness they shared and unwilling to have night's chill interfere. Tiny dots of white appeared in the dark sky, multiplying until it seemed a diamond encrusted shroud had been thrown over the earth. The full moon's sickly yellow glow shed pale light over them and the field, the song of birds replaced by the lilting hum of cicadas. With a pleasant sigh, Burke rolled, looking up at Josh through drowsy eyes. "That was the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen." Josh, something smoldering in his gaze, just smiled. Burke shot up, the blanket fluttering away. "Oh my god! What time is it?" "A quarter 'til ten." "I'm so sorry, Josh. You wanted to go see a movie or something." "Don't worry about it, Burke. Sitting here with you is better than any movie we could've seen. It's alright, I promise. Besides, there's always next time." He grinned, joined quickly by Burke. "I'd like that, Josh." "Me too, but it's starting to get a little late, and we have to drive back through the city." They stared at each other for a moment, then, sighing, got up, folding the blanket and creeping back to the jeep, Burke elated by the flashlight on Josh's key chain. Cautiously, not wanting to be too forward, Burke slid his hand across the armrest between their seats, slipping it beneath Josh's. The man looked over, smiled, and squeezed tenderly. They rode that way, touching but not speaking, as they sped through the streets of Orlando. "Well, I guess this is it," Josh muttered as they stood on the front step of Burke's house. "Yeah," Burke echoed, sad to see the night end. "I had a great time Josh." "Me too." Burke looked down at their clasped hands, wondering where this date left things between them, and how it would affect everyone else. "Um, Josh? Are things going to be strange now? Between us and the guys?" "I don't know, but I don't think anything will be different." Burke nodded. "I guess I need to get home. I have to pick my parents up at the airport in the morning." "Alright. I guess I'll see you sometime this weekend." They shuffled a bit, neither sure of what to do next. Josh, summoning his nerves, leaned closer, Burke's eyes drifting shut as their lips neared each other. He felt Josh's hand slid behind his head, his fingers laced within his hair. Burke could smell the apple pie, tinged with champagne, on the ragged breath escaping Josh's lips. Burke's senses were alive, taking in every bit of information, every feeling and sound as his first kiss neared. His breathing quickened, anticipating. Through closed eyelids, Burke could see the porch light flick on. Both he and Josh separated as the front door swung open. "I thought I heard you all pull up," Chris smiled evilly. "Have a nice time?" "Uh, yeah," Josh stuttered, turning the same color as the cherry pie Burke had eaten. "I gotta get home and get some sleep before the family arrives. Bye Burke. Bye Chris." Quickly he hurried off, jumping into he jeep. Chris cackled as he followed Burke inside. "My he left in a hurry! You'd think I caught him doing something he wasn't supposed to!" "Dad!" Burke huffed, rolling his eyes in exasperation.That's it for now. Don't you just love parents who get a kick out of tormenting their kids?!?!!
As always, I look forward to all of you. Please let me know if you enjoyed this chapter, or, if not, what you didn't like. Be nice though because flames are impolite and will be deleted with extreme prejudice! LOL You can reach me at cameronwriter@hotmail.com
By the way, Mickey Mouse Club and Mary Poppins are the property of Disney.
Always,
Cameron