Lifes Illusions

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Life's Illusions - 10 years on - Chapter 34

Pierre was shaking, his nerves were plain to see, he was at Arrecife Airport in Lanzarote, waiting in the lounge of the FBO Office for the flight from Spain to arrive, Juan would be amongst its passengers, due in within the next few minutes.

For Aly it was a different Christmas, it would be the first in all the years he could remember when his parents weren't coming, his Momma was ill, she'd insisted, everything must be as normal, she'd be resting at home in Torremolinas with his Poppa to tend her, but it didn't sit well with Aly, it made him aware of his parents age, their vulnerability, frailty.

Piers wrapped his arms around his clearly nervous brother, whispering.

"You are so stupid sometimes Pierre, he loves you, I'm willing to stake my life on that and so can you, now stop panicking, I predict, the moment he lands, he's going to sweep you up into his arms and never let you go, I really hope I'm lucky enough to find someone who loves me even half that much one day".

Pierre realised at that moment, he and Piers had never discussed his loving a man, it had just been accepted, like his wonderful Poppas, they too had never mentioned it, but then, as Gay men why would they.

"Thank you Bro, I've never said it but I am grateful, you made me see sense when I was determined not to, if not for you, and Josef, neither of us would have made a move to repair the damage, we might never have had the chance for happiness".

Piers was grinning.

"Pierre, are you for real?, sometimes I think you either forget, or you really don't understand what you did and still do, for me, you raised me from age three, potty trained me, looked after me, kept me safe, night and day, you sacrificed everything else in your life for me, and you a cripple all that time, it didn't bother you, you just did it, no one else in this world thought I mattered, but you did, you held me when I was frightened, wiped my tears and my bum, taught me everything I know, kept me safe, always loved me, I never, ever, doubted that, it hurts me, it really hurts me, to see you sad, I would move heaven and earth to see you happy again, I'm sorry I had to be so hard but I needed to shock you, it was the only way with both of you, Josef and I agreed, we had to attack from both sides hard, in the hope we could make you both see sense".

Pierre remembered how it had affected him when Piers went missing, he shivered, it had scared him to the point of terror, his beloved little brother out there alone, and all because of him.

That day had started off like any other, he'd struggled out of bed, a bed which was of little use, he was constantly tired, rarely sleeping more than an hour or two, the rest of his nights were a constant churning in his mind of how he'd caused Juan to stop loving him.

He rarely ate breakfast anymore, passing quickly through the kitchen, grabbing a coffee, before heading straight to the offices of The Inn, there he immersed himself in the daily tasks which would allow him to forget his sadness for several hours, anyone who interrupted him received a frosty reception.

He'd become known as a grumpy recluse, rarely emerging from the office until it was time for the family evening meal, only then because his Poppas had both threatened to take away his employment if he didn't attend at least one family mealtime each day.

That day Piers had come into the office a little before midday asking Pierre to have lunch with him, Pierre had growled a negative reply, almost regretting his reply when he saw Piers sad expression, but still, he was surprised when Piers verbal attack came.

"I'm sick of this, you think he dumped you, I know he didn't, but you won't even talk about it, he gave you a gift, for goodness sake open it, what have you got to lose, we've all been living with your crap since you came home, why bother, if you're right and he doesn't love you, you need to get over it, I'm finished with trying to cheer you up, it's like trying to platt fog, you're determined it can't be done, I don't have the energy to do it anymore".

Pierre remembered a furious red fog descending, the rage overtook his reply, he couldn't remember ever being so angry with his brother, never before shouting so viciously.

"You're tired of trying to make me happy after just two months are you, how do you think I feel then, I'm tired as well, I've carried you for nearly eleven years, did I ever complain, no I didn't, and I was in a fuckin wheelchair, well I'm sick of it too, I'm sick of looking out for you, sorting your problems you ungrateful little bastard, now give me a break, go and irritate someone else, I'm past caring too".

It had been a few seconds before the silence registered, then as Pierre looked up he saw the look on Piers face, one of real hurt, the quivering lip, the tears, his baby brother was upset, without a second thought he made to embrace him, but Piers response stopped him in his tracks.

"Don't, I didn't realise, I thought you loved me, I never knew I was such a burden, well I won't be one any longer, I'm sorry I ever was, I'll never trouble you again, goodbye".

Piers left the office slamming the door behind him.

Pierre was stunned, Piers had hardly ever spoken out, and never in anger to Pierre.

Only minutes after their angry exchange Pierre had gone looking for Piers but the answers from everyone he asked were the same, Piers had run out of The Inn crying, no one knew where he'd gone but they were all concerned.

Pierre had been gripped by a chilling feeling all afternoon, checking every few minutes to see if Piers had come back.

By six in the evening he knew he had to tell his Poppas, Piers was missing, he was worried now, to the point of being terrified, Piers couldn't look after himself, not after dark, and the light was beginning to fade.

He remembered walking into their house, seeing the look on his Poppas faces, neither was smiling, both looked as though they were very pissed at him.

"You know don't you, Piers and I had an argument, I'm sorry, I was wrong, I shouted at him, he ran away, I don't know where he went, I'm really frightened, he's out there somewhere and I don't know what to do, he's never been out alone, not at night and I caused it".

He'd broken down sobbing at that point and been scooped up into his Poppa Bo's arms as Poppa Aly spoke.

"We know because Paul and Roslyn called a few minutes ago, he walked the five miles to Chateau Montclair, he arrived sobbing, it took them over an hour to get him to tell them what was wrong, apparently all he keeps saying is Pierre hates me".

Bo, still holding him took over.

"This has to stop Pierre, our happy loving son didn't come home from Switzerland, you came home instead, a grumpy dark cloud, scowling at anyone and everyone, determined no one should be happy if you weren't, well it was inevitable, you finally hurt very badly the one person who would gladly give his life to see you happy, the one you've loved and nurtured all his life, and that alone should tell you, you have to do something about this, it cannot go on".

Pierre remembered standing up, walking towards the door before Poppa Aly spoke.

"Where exactly are you going?".

He'd looked at both of them, and with a determined voice he'd said.

"You're right, but first I need to bring him home, I need to tell him I'm sorry, that I lied, that I love him, I need to know he's not hurting, only then can I deal with my life".

Bo and Aly smiled and almost as one said.

"Okay let's all go".

Pierre was remembering the reunion with Piers when he felt a shaking on his arm, it was Piers.

"He's here, he's coming, I'm going to leave you now, I'm far too young to be corrupted by the naughty things you two are going to be saying, just remember he loves you, unconditionally, and so do I, but I don't want to do those rude things you two want to do, mostly involving your willies and your bums".

Piers dodged the slap Pierre aimed at his head, laughing as he ran away to join his Poppas.

Juan had appeared in front of him, the lopsided grin causing tears of joy to form at the corner of Pierre's eyes, but just the sight of those tears brought Juan in like a magnet, scooping Pierre into a hug, kissing his face, his neck.

"Don't cry, please don't cry, I never ever meant for you to be unhappy, I was so stupid, I'd planned a surprise for you, I didn't realise, never even thought what I was doing could be taken a different way, I'm so, so, sorry, I love you, always remember that, I can't function if you're not here in my arms, you rebuilt me, I am what I am because of you, don't ever think of leaving me, I won't let you".

Right then Pierre was content just to be in Juan's arms, he thought life could never get any better, but he was wrong, he was in for a monumental surprise.

Juan let go of him, stepping back a pace, with Reece, Josef and Sofia behind him, Bo, Aly and Piers to the side of them, Juan went down on one knee, drawing the small white box from his pocket he looked up at a shocked Pierre.

"This should have happened in my plan a while ago, I love you Pierre, I can't live without you, if it's accomplished nothing else, this last couple of months has only served to reinforce in me that belief, so I'm asking, please will you marry me, be the soulmate I'm so desperate for you to be?".

Pierre was just staring, hand over his mouth in shock, until Piers, Josef and Sofia shouted in unison.

"Say yes Pierre for gods sake".

It shook Pierre out of his silence.

"Yes, oh yes, yes, please".

Pierre helped Juan up and their hug quickly became a joint family hug, with everyone piling in wanting to be included in this happy moment.

But non of them heard the whisper from Juan directly into Pierre's ear.

"Tonight I'm going to sink my cock into your tight little hole and I'm not coming out till I've seeded you and made you mine, but that's only after you've done exactly the same to me, you're going to fuck me until I scream, I love you Pierre, that is my pledge, I'm yours, forever".

It had been his reunion with Piers that had prompted the opening of the present Juan had placed in his hand luggage that fateful day.

Piers had been adamant, he would not leave Chateau Montclair, unless and until, Pierre agreed to open the present.

Their return to The Inn had been sombre, they'd sat in the family lounge waiting whilst Pierre went to retrieve the wrapped box.

Coming back into the lounge Pierre had laid it on the table.

"There it is, it looks harmless, but I can't bring myself to open it, Piers do it for me, please, I'm begging you".

Piers wanted to cry, he could see how much this was hurting his brother but he steeled himself, his reply came with conviction.

"No, I firmly believe that present was given with love, it wasn't meant for me, it was given to you, now open it, you promised me you would".

With trembling hands Pierre reached for the box, gently pulling the ribbon to loosen its ties, he lifted the lid.

They sparkled, the dog tags, a rich warm gold against the deep blue velvet.

Through the tears misting his eyes he saw the writing.

The sobbing started as soon as the words registered.

'From Juan with my enduring love to Pierre, the one who saved me, restored me, brought me back to life, you are, you always will be, my soulmate, the one, the only, holder of my heart forevermore xxx'.

Piers was next to him in an instant holding him, but even he couldn't catch the words Pierre said so quietly.

"Tell us Pierre, don't cry, what is it".

Through more sobs they heard him.

"He loves me, I've been so stupid, he probably doesn't want me now".

Pierre dropped the tags into his brothers hands and as Piers read the inscription he let out a whoop.

"You nutter he loves you, yes you're an idiot, but he loves you, now we need to get the other show on the road".

Within minutes Piers had left his family mystified at his comments as he excused himself to call Josef.

"Okay cousin, I've achieved my goal, in Montclair the ball is in the back of the net, so to speak, he's a quivering mess, but he finally believes Juan loves him, it's up to you now, Juan needs to read Pierre's letter, I don't know what's in it or how you're going to get him to do it, but I do know my brother, it will explain what he did but it will also be a declaration of love, so go for it tiger and good luck".

In Torremolinas Josef had barged into Juan's room, finding his brother sat sobbing on the floor by his bed, he couldn't allow his emotions to get in the way of what he needed to do, and right then he'd shouted.

"Have you any idea what chaos you are causing, Pierre has been so upset he's argued viciously with Piers accusing him of being a burden, Piers ran away, he was out alone at night, Pierre was beside himself".

Juan had been angry at Josef's barging in, but the mere mention of Pierre and Piers being in any kind of trouble refocused his mind immediately.

"Have they found him, is he alright?".

Josef almost laughed, but he kept up the charade.

"No thanks to you my valiant brother, Pierre found him and brought him home, but he had to pay a price, and it's a price similar to the one I'm going to charge you if you want to know any more details of what happened".

Juan was confused.

"What do you mean?".

Josef now stared his brother down.

"You heard me, you're not stupid, well, actually I have to question that statement, but I'm prepared to assume you still have some of the faculties the army thought were fairly good, you either agree to my terms and I'll give you the details, otherwise you have the alternative, you call Pierre and ask him yourself, nobody in the family will give you the details, I've made sure of that, so what's it to be?".

Juan was frantic, his Pierre and Piers were in trouble, it was a no brainier.

"I agree, what is it you want".

Josef smiled.

"Read it, now, until you do, I won't say another word, and don't dare ask what, it's been the bloody elephant in the room for months, read Pierre's letter for Christ's sake".

Juan was resigned, he crossed to his desk and took the letter out, turning it over and over before looking at Josef's face he opened it.

His eyes began to water as soon as he started reading.

'My dearest Juan,

This is one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do.

I have to do it, go home I mean, leave you to examine your feelings, I realise now, the things we said in Cologne, the deal we made the night of my party, they were said and done whilst you were vulnerable, it was wrong of me to exact that promise.

These last couple of weeks I've felt surplus to requirements, I know you would never deliberately do that to me but it's how I've felt, it's why I question if you now regret the deal we made, I can't tell what you want or feel.

You seem to have shut me out.

I don't want to hurt you but I couldn't stand the thought of you telling me we didn't have a future, I chickened out, I don't have your courage, I've fled back to the safe haven of my family, please don't hate me, I hope I'm doing it for the right reason, I'm giving you a get out if you want it.

I love you Juan, I always have and I always will, if I'm wrong and you do want me, come and get me, I'll be waiting, there can be no other for me, it will always only be you.

Love always. Pierre

For Josef, the the shock of hearing his brothers cry cut deep, he was holding Juan in seconds, hugging him, begging to know what was wrong, but he wasn't surprised when Juan spoke.

"I'm such an idiot, he loves me, he thought I didn't want him, I need to tell him, he's my world".

Josef was so happy he couldn't help but joke.

"We'll see Bro, there's this really, really, old guy, he did something amazing, he invented this gadget and I reckon he had you in mind when he did it, his name's Alexander Graham Bell and his invention's called a telephone you dummy, now use it".

Josef made to leave but before he did he turned to say one last thing.

"When you're done with the sloppy talk get packing, we leave for Lanzarote at noon tomorrow".

It had been around an hour since Piers had called Josef when his phone beeped to signal an incoming text, it was from Josef and it read.

'And he scores, Josef puts the ball firmly in the back of the Torremolinas net, it's a draw, both sides are equal, expect a call any moment now'.

Whilst Pierre was busy gazing at the Dog Tags Piers passed his phone to his Poppas to read the text message from Josef.

The ringing and vibrating phone caused all but one of them to deliberately become intensely interested in something, anything, other than the sound of Pierre's cell phone.

Pierre on the other hand just stared at the display, his hands shaking, until Piers leaned across him and pressed the accept call button, saying.

"In case you're out of practice Bro, this is the bit where you talk, he's waiting".

Nervously Pierre put the phone to his ear.

"Hello, is that you Juan?".

The reply was everything Pierre had hoped for.

"Yes my love, it's your very stupid boyfriend, and I'm sorry, sorry for lots of things, but most of all for making you sad, will you forgive me?".

They'd talked for over an hour before Pierre realised he was the only one left in the room, his Poppas and Piers had slipped away as soon as they were sure he was alright talking to Juan.

Their Christmas vacation followed much the same pattern as previous years with the guests looking after themselves for most of Christmas Day and Boxing Day, playing servants to the staff on Boxing Day for the open house party where everyone was invited.

Juan had been apprehensive, there was something he needed to discuss with Pierre but somehow he didn't seem to find the opportunity or the nerve to do it, finally Josef pulled Pierre aside.

"I swear where you are concerned that brother of mine is a babbling wreck, there are things you need to discuss but he's putting it off, don't be worried, I know you'll sort it but he thinks it will upset you, I can't say anymore, don't let him know I spoke to you, but please, you need to force his hand, take him away from here, for a walk or a drive, give him the opportunity to talk".

Pierre almost dragged Juan out for a walk on the Promenade late on Boxing Day as the party was winding down.

"I wanted some time on our own, and you could use the time to tell me what's worrying you, don't say I'm wrong, I can see it, so, in your own time".

Juan smiled as they strolled along arm in arm.

"Did you really notice, or did a little bird in the form of my brother whisper in your ear?".

Now it was Pierre's turn to grin.

"Doesn't really matter does it, you just confirmed I'm right, so let's forget about who did what and concentrate on exactly what's troubling you, in case you forgot, you asked me to be your soulmate, that means we share everything, the good and the bad, your troubles are my troubles, so, as I said, in your own time, I'm listening".

Juan couldn't think how to broach the subject, so he just launched into what was concerning him, except he threw everything in together, it was all mixed up and it was only because Pierre knew the family dynamics, and businesses, that he was able to make sense of what Juan was saying.

"I couldn't go back, into the Army I mean, I've been trying desperately since I came around after the explosion to get Josef to quit the Army and come in with me, I was terrified what happened to me could happen to him, but he doesn't have a you too save him, I know that sounds stupid, lame even, but it's true, I don't think I would have made it without you, anyway, he finally agreed to join me, but there's a catch, one I hadn't planned for, I can't live in Montclair, we both have to be in Torremolinas, I'm worried it won't work, you love Montclair, I feel as though before we even start our life together I'm asking so much of you, I'll be dragging you away from your family, your friends, from everything you love, it's been worrying me, but if I don't live in Torremolinas your Grandfather won't give us the contracts we need to build the business, he's adamant, I'm sorry,I'm babbling".

Pierre was almost laughing.

"Yes you were, but I think I understand most of it, let me sum it up for you and we'll see how close I am, you and Josef want to work together, my Grandfather Leo is involved so it must involve security contracts, and you're worried if you don't live full time in Torremolinas Gramps won't give you the work you need to make your new business successful, how am I doing?".

Juan wasn't smiling this time.

"That's it exactly.............".

He didn't get any further before Pierre asked a question.

"Has Gramps said this to you?".

Juan just nodded as Pierre replied.

"Well that's not happening, we'll live partly in Torremolinas and partly in Montclair, we'll keep a home in both places".

Juan was despondent when he replied.

"He's been very clear, if I don't do as he's asked he won't support our business, he's holding all the cards".

Pierre was smiling.

"Wrong my love, you happen to be marrying his Grandson who has direct access and influence with the one person he fears most in all this world, my Grandma, and boy oh boy, that trumps all other cards, because when I tell Grandma how upset I am, how Gramps is threatening to destroy our relationship, I wouldn't want to be in Gramps shoes, don't give it another thought, I'll deal with this, and in the future tell me when you're worried about something, I'm not clairvoyant".

The conversation that evening with his Grandfather was a revelation that seriously upset Pierre.

Pierre had explained the problem to his Poppas before he rang Leo, Aly had asked if he could sit in on the call, he didn't want to be involved unless his father became difficult, he also said that he preferred it if Pierre asked without the blackmail inference of involving his Grandma, Aly's Mother, Rosa.

Aly had explained, if it came down to it, Aly would be the one to twist his fathers arm, thereby not giving Leo an axe to grind with Pierre, Juan or Josef, Pierre had agreed it was sensible to keep Juan and Josef out of it.

Leo had been overjoyed to hear Pierre's voice until Pierre had told him the reason he was calling.

"Juan seems to think we have to live permanently in Torremolinas if he wants to rely on your help with building his and Josef's business, but I want to live in Montclair part of the year".

His Grandfather had been silent whilst Pierre had been talking and even when Pierre stopped talking he hadn't responded for a few moments.

"If Juan and Josef want my help there's a price tag, I want my Grandson here in Torremolinas, it's your choice, I couldn't influence your father but I can do this".

Pierre was shocked, it was his fault Juan and Josef were having these terms forced upon them, it was Pierre that Leo was interested in, Pierre that he was forcing to live in Torremolinas.

Aly signalled to Pierre to leave the room.

After Pierre left Aly pressed a speed dial button on his mobile before speaking to his Father.

"Hello Pops, I apologise, Pierre didn't tell you I was listening to that conversation, you were on speaker, you still are, I'm hoping you can bear with me because I'm waiting for Momma to answer her phone".

Leo's response came quickly.

"There's no need to involve your Mother in this, and I don't appreciate you listening in to a conversation which was private".

Aly was smiling, he loved his Father dearly, but he knew his Father could be stubborn when he wanted to be.

"I can appreciate why you wouldn't want me listening to that particular conversation because you know exactly how I would react to hearing my son threatened and blackmailed, after all, I was taught by the master, you yourself, so in answer, I think Momma should most definitely be a part of these discussions".

Before Leo could answer he heard clearly as Rosa, his wife, Aly's Mother and Pierre's Grandmother answered, then he listened to his son's response.

"Momma, I'm really sorry, I have to apologise, whilst I was waiting for you to answer I took a business call which I have to deal with, can I put you on hold for a few minutes?, if it looks like I can't resolve the other call quickly I'll call you back".

Leo heard his wife's answer and it did exactly what Aly wanted it too, it frightened the life out of him.

"Aly my boy, I'll wait as long as you want, I'm anxious to know how Pierre is doing, I know how much he's suffered lately, I just want an update on that sweet child, you take your call, I'll hold".

Placing his Mother on hold Aly returned to addressing his Father.

"So Poppa, it seems we might have reached an impasse, my son is worried, you are the source of his worry, you taught me well, I have the perfect weapon to protect him, but I love you, I don't want to unleash a weapon that would wreak havoc in your world, the ball is now firmly in your court".

There was a momentary silence before Leo responded.

"Have Pierre call me back, and Aly, I'm impressed, it's exactly what I would have done, oh, bye the way, you can feel free to listen in on the next call, I'd expect nothing less, goodnight son, I love you".

Aly smiled.

"I love you too Poppa, and I understand, goodnight".

Aly took his Mothers call off hold.

"Momma, this is going to take a little longer than I thought, can I call you tomorrow?, but I will tell you your Grandson is smiling about as brightly as the sun in July, the boy we all love is back thanks to Juan".

His Momma's reply was reward enough for Aly.

"Thank goodness, I was so worried, I was contemplating getting out of my sickbed and coming to see him but now I know he's okay I can forget that, call me tomorrow Aly, have Bo with you, it's always good to catch up with my boys, goodnight son".

Leaving his office he'd walked into the lounge to be met by a somber crowd.

Pierre was sitting on a sofa with Juan who looked terrified, Bo and Piers were sitting on the opposite sofa looking apprehensive, until Aly spoke.

Pointing at Pierre he said.

"Go into my office, take Juan with you, call your Gramps, don't worry, do exactly as you did before, the response will be vastly different, he's a worried man, one thing, don't grovel and don't gloat, he just made a monumental concession, accept it graciously".

Turning to Piers he said, you child got away this time.

Turning to Bo he said.

"You lover didn't, you're on Mother in Law report duty tomorrow".

Bo smiled.

"That's a nice duty call, I could spend everyday discussing the ducklings with my Mother in Law, how is she?".

Aly smiled.

"She was about to get out of bed and bang Pierre and Juan's heads together so she must be on the mend".

TBC ARB Allan

Comments are welcome to cfgw2000@aol.com.

Thank you for giving me your time, enjoy.