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Life's Illusions - Book Four - Chapter 37
Piers was half heartedly watching the early evening news, not really concentrating, wondering why JJ hadn't popped in as he usually did on Friday evening before Grant got home.
He was waiting for Milo to make contact, he'd be lifting off from Christchurch Airport at about that point, so Piers had it timed perfectly, he could watch fifteen minutes of news before Milo's call came through.
There were several state issues, before the newscaster showed a local traffic accident, a multi vehicle crash, he heard something about fatalities, then the phone ringing prompted him to turn the tv off.
Milo wasn't his usual effervescent self, Piers reasoned, he'd been away three days perhaps he was tired, but Piers was bubbling, Milo would be home soon, and right now he wanted to get the business out of the way while they had time.
"Okay tiger, what do we have, any major problems?".
Milo had given it his usual few seconds silence, where Piers knew he was ordering the points in his mind before listing them, but this time he took a little too long, and Piers was sensing something wasn't right, so he jumped back in, unsure if they'd maybe lost the connection, his voice a little loud, showing concern.
"Milo, what's wrong, are you still there, speak to me".
And he heard it, it was a definite sob.
Piers was shouting now, and the boys had come running from their rooms into the office.
"Milo, you're frightening me, what is it, tell me?".
"It's on the news channel Piers, it's Grant, they said Grantham Alexander Medhurst, Multi Millionaire Entrepreneur, was a fatality in the multiple pile up on the motorway, he's dead Piers".
And Piers went suddenly cold, JJ, he hadn't called in.
"Milo I love you, Sam will be at the airport to collect you, I have to go, I need to get to JJ, you understand my love?".
Milo could be heard openly crying now.
"Go Piers, wrap him up, keep him safe, I'll be there soon".
Piers was running, tears coursing down his cheeks, Baz, Jezz, Pil and Gracie were right behind him, it was only five houses away.
There were no lights on, but the yard door was open, something JJ always did, because Grant could never remember the code, JJ always left it open for him.
They could see him immediately, curled up on the floor in the lounge, his body shaking from the sobs, all five of them engulfed him as he started wailing, screaming.
JJ didn't really have it together, how could he, it was the day of Grants funeral, he doubted he'd quite have it together ever again, he was reliving their time together in every waking moment, and the end result was always the same, a black desolate nothing, the one person who'd been his complete world, the one who'd always returned that feeling was gone, they were going to lay him to rest today, he was dead, ripped away, JJ was a zombie, going through the motions people told him he had to complete, and then the one face he didn't want to see appeared.
Paul was nervous.
"JJ, I had to come, I needed to know that you were alright".
JJ had become seriously brash in his responses as time had rolled on, and this was no exception.
"If you're here hoping to pursue me I can only say it's a sad move, he's not even in his grave, and I'm in a really dark place right now, so just go away Paul".
But he wasn't put off.
"Whatever you think JJ, for my own peace of mind I wanted you to know you can rely on me if you need to, no ulterior motive, just friendship, and I wanted to pay my respects to a man I shouldn't have liked but I did".
JJ realised how hard his response must have sounded.
"Thank you, I'm sorry I was so harsh".
Grants parents had visited JJ the evening before the funeral, they were both in their mid seventies and, like JJ, completely devastated, he'd been their only child.
As they were sitting chatting, Grants mother said.
"The news channels said you are a Viscount, we didn't know".
JJ nodded.
"I'm JJ, Vicomte Montclair, my Poppa is Jaque, Comte Montclair, he's The Count of Montclair, a family line which runs back to the fourteenth century, but I rarely use the title, Grant knew I hated how people tried to suck up once they learned of my title, I don't think he deliberately kept it from you, I think it just didn't ever figure in our daily lives".
They nodded, but Grants mother had more to say.
"There's something else you really need to know, Grants cousin Jem will be at the service, he's the son of my husbands brother, his full name is Jeremiah Alexander Medhurst, they both have their grandfathers name as their middle name, I wanted you to be prepared, because they look like identical twins, it was always really difficult to tell them apart, and growing up they were inseparable".
"He's been in the US working for three years, he arrived back a few days before Grant died, I know they'd spoken, but you've never met him, I'm worried his appearance will upset you, don't be alarmed, he's a really wonderful boy"
On the morning of the funeral JJ was just barely managing to hold it together, then his Poppas arrived, with Fleur and Marcel, and Vinny had hopped a seat on their flight too, it all became just too much, he lost it as soon as they wrapped him in their arms.
He'd asked Carry if she would gently request the wider family to stay away, Grants parents had asked for it to be a small, close family service.
As they'd entered the Funeral Parlour he was between his Poppas, they hardly left him throughout the day.
JJ had arranged for the wake to be held at his house, the place where Grant had always preferred to be, even above his own fabulous waterfront house.
Classical music was playing softly from discreetly hidden speakers around the house and garden, Grants favourite music.
There were around thirty five, possibly forty mourners who had come back to the house, mostly they were Grants wider family with just a sprinkling of closer business associates, everyone took the opportunity to speak with JJ and Grants parents, expressing sorrow at their loss, and sharing little anecdotes, often things JJ hadn't known, but increasingly it became clear, everyone was of the same opinion, they'd never seen him happier than he'd been in those last few years.
JJ had been listening to another snippet of Grants life when he excused himself to use the bathroom.
Turning full circle, he came face to face with Grant, and he screamed, in fact Piers would tell him later that most everyone in the the room jumped, JJ didn't know because he'd promptly passed out.
Pandemonium reigned for a few moments, until he was scooped up by Marcel and laid on a couch.
As he came too he heard a voice which seemed to be in the distance.
"I didn't mean to startle him, I'm Jem, Grants cousin, tell him he's safe".
Then he heard Marcel.
"It's okay Bro, you came face to face with Grants cousin, they look identical, now come on, you need to face it, open your eyes JJ, I'm here you're safe now".
As he opened his eyes, he was staring at a concerned looking Marcel and Fleur.
"Don't panic, it's was Jem, Grants cousin, I think he's as shook up as you are, he wants to apologise, you okay with that?, I'll stay here with you".
JJ nodded, he still felt lightheaded.
Despite being warned, he still gasped and visibly recoiled as Jem came into view saying softly.
"Please don't be alarmed, I'm Jem, and I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were so close to me, I would have moved away and asked one of the family to prepare you before I introduced myself, I know how alike we look, it's always caused confusion, are you okay, I feel responsible?".
JJ hadn't spoken, he just nodded, staring intently.
Jem turned to Marcel.
"I heard the term Bro, are you actually brothers?".
Marcel held out his hand in greeting.
"Marcel, Vicomte Montclair, and my sister, Fleur, Contessa Montclair, the one you frightened the life out of is our elder brother, JJ, Vicomte Montclair".
Jem shook both Marcel's and Fleur's hands, he didn't attempt to shake JJ's in case it freaked him further, but he did go on to say.
"Jeremiah Alexander Medhurst, or as I prefer, Jem, I'm very pleased to meet you, so my cousin was in love with a Viscount, he didn't tell me that, he told me he was in love with the most wonderful man he'd ever met, thank you JJ, for making his final years so wonderful, I will be eternally in your debt".
JJ just stared at the tears coursing down Jem's cheeks as he turned away abruptly.
In the days and weeks after Grant was laid to rest JJ became a virtual recluse.
He hadn't visited Piers and Milo's house since before Grant died, in fact since the funeral no one had witnessed him leaving his own house.
Piers walked the short distance between their houses, but he got no reply to his repeated ringing of the doorbell, fortunately, he knew the security code for the door into the backyard.
Entering he could see the house was completely closed up.
JJ had remodelled similar to theirs, in so much as one complete side of the main lounge consisted of glass panels which folded back to extend the lounge out to the outside room.
Peering through the glass into the lounge he couldn't see JJ, so, following the building round he came to the patio door which led out from the master bedroom suite onto the patio.
Peering in again he saw JJ lying on the bed.
Knocking on the glass doors he saw JJ jump, and shouted.
"JJ open the door I'm burning up out here".
He'd eased himself off the bed and opened the door letting Piers in, then turned and climbed back onto the bed, just staring blankly ahead.
Piers climbed onto the bed next to him pulling him into a hug.
He'd felt the trembling immediately as JJ started crying again, neither said anything for a long time, Piers just rocked him slowly from side to side.
After a while Piers heard.
"It hurts so much Piers, I'll never see him again, he was my everything, I can never remember a time when I was happier, now it's gone, I don't think I'll ever know happiness again, I miss his voice, his smell, his smile, and all because of a truck driver who was texting, he killed Grant for the sake of sending a text".
Piers didn't say anything.
"He left me everything, I spoke to his parents, I wanted them to have his fortune, his properties, they were sweet, they said no, they had more than they would ever need, and they'd already known the content of his will, his father wrote it up for him, they asked me to stay in touch, told me it gave them so much comfort to remember and share with me how happy he'd been in his final years".
Piers felt the trembling start again, after a few minutes he said.
"Come back to our house JJ, your old room is still the same, I think you should have company while you work your way through this, it's a slow painful process, I know people tell you it gets easier, the pain fades, but that's just a complete crock of shit, in truth it's you who will change, you learn to live with the pain, change your memories slightly, the bad ones where you argued disappear, you only remember the good ones, I suppose in a way it does eventually get better, I can tell you, there will come a day when you can feel good, you'll remember him one sunny morning somewhere in the distant future, and you'll smile".
Piers could have shouted Hallelujah when he heard.
"Can I really come stay with you Piers, I don't want to be alone?".
Piers was almost crying now.
"Let's grab some stuff together, just pack it up and leave it, I've got three healthy young males in the house, they can move it for us, there's no use in having a dog and barking yourself is there".
Baz, Jez, and Pil had been out of the house almost before Piers finished asking them to collect the stuff they'd packed up for JJ, Gracie was busy stocking his bathroom with anything and everything she thought would distract him, the boys were overjoyed, and as Pil told Piers later, relieved as well that JJ was going to be close enough they could keep an eye on him, and work on lifting his spirits.
JJ never did move back to his house, it was cleaned weekly, the pool and gardens were maintained perfectly, Piers went occasionally to check on it, but JJ never again went inside, except, he couldn't let it go, it was something that, every time he thought he might go there threatened to overload him with grief, but he reasoned, it was the last place where they'd been together, on the morning of the day he died Grant had brought JJ coffee in bed before kissing him goodbye, he could remember that morning as if it were a few minutes ago, and he couldn't rule out there might be a day where he needed to brave his demons and go back there for some reason.
Every few months Grants parents asked to meet up and JJ relished their company, he stayed with them at the waterfront house, which he'd remarked to Piers was really strange, since it was the place where he'd first woken up in Grants arms, the place where they'd started their relationship, but he felt completely calm and at peace there.
Two years, almost to the day after Grant died, in early November, JJ asked Piers for his opinion.
He'd invited Grants parents to spend the holidays with them at the Christmas House in Lanzarote.
Piers had misunderstood, agreeing it was a great idea.
But JJ had stopped him.
"No, that's not it, they've asked if they can bring Jem, his parents, Grants uncle and aunt, both passed away in the last year, and they feel a need to keep him close, and I don't know what to say, I don't even know how I feel about it, I'm totally confused, what do you think".
Piers was silent, thinking, then he said.
"You don't dislike him, you've had dinner with him a couple of times, is there any reason you'd feel uncomfortable in his company?".
JJ answered without even thinking.
"No, he's really good company".
Piers was confused now and his reply said it all.
"So what's the problem, I don't get it?".
JJ almost shouted it.
"The bloody family, they'll see Grant, they won't see Jem, will it freak them out, will it upset him?".
Piers thought about it for a minute, then said.
"I don't think it will freak anyone out, it might cause some second looks, but we can have Carry brief them all to be sensitive to the fact that he's lost both of his parents in the last year, that way no one's going to make him feel uncomfortable, tell them to bring him, I don't like to think he'll be spending the holidays alone".
They were due to leave Sydney early in the morning on December twenty first, so Piers invited Grants parents and Jem to overnight with them.
There was one guest suite on the ground floor which Piers showed Harry and Lindy Medhurst too, whilst JJ offered to show Jem to his room, unfortunately his choice of words left his teenage nephews chuckling, and JJ with a red face.
"If you're ready I'll take you upstairs".
They could be heard still tittering as JJ hurried up the stairs blushing profusely.
JJ had one of the suites on the upper floor of the house, Jem would be in the one next door which shared a large balcony, it ran the full length of the back of the house, all four suites on this elevation opened out onto it, besides being a comfortable outdoor seating area, it providing shade to the level below, where more sets of seating were dotted around, and both levels had a beautiful view of the garden.
JJ had led him out onto the balcony, the early evening breeze cooling the air enough to make it pleasant, and JJ had suddenly thought about refreshments.
"Oh I'm sorry, you haven't been offered a drink, you must be thirsty, can I get you something".
Jem had smiled.
"If you could conjure up a cold one I'd be eternally grateful".
For a moment JJ froze, it was like listening to Grant, but he quickly shook it off.
"I won't be a minute, let me run down to the kitchen".
Jem laughed.
"You don't need to do that, but if you insist I'll have a quick freshen up while you're away".
It probably only took JJ around ten, or maybe fifteen minutes to run downstairs and grab a couple of cold tins from the fridge.
Returning, he'd entered into Jem's suite whilst trying to balance the cold tins in one hand and negotiate the door with the other, and as the door behind him clicked shut, the sight before him caused him to freeze completely.
Coming out from the bathroom, with a towel over his head as he dried his hair, was a stark naked Jem, his body still dripping water, but most prominent was his half hard cock, and JJ couldn't take his eyes off it.
The sound of the door clicking shut caused Jem to raise the towel, and JJ was busted, when Jem's voice brought JJ's eyes up to a smiling face.
"Feel free to take liberties, my boy hasn't known any touch but mine in around four years".
JJ was completely embarrassed, and blustering, he rushed for the door to the balcony.
"I'll be out here with your beer when you're dressed".
When Jem finally emerged he was as much embarrassed as JJ.
"I'm sorry, those were stupid words I uttered, I don't even know why I said them, my mouth just went into auto pilot mode".
JJ tried to skip over it.
"Don't be concerned, here, have your beer it's getting warm".
Jem reached for the tin, but in grabbing it, his hand captured JJ's, and he didn't let go, and JJ did nothing to retrieve his hand, in fact he was revelling in the touch.
It had carried on throughout Christmas and New Year, they'd been almost inseparable, but neither felt able to move things forward, each feeling they might be crossing a line.
Vinny had overheard a conversation between his Poppa Piers and JJ, and it upset him.
JJ had said.
"I'm totally confused, it's like Grant came back into my life, but I know that's stupid, he died, I have all of these emotions whirling around, but he doesn't return them, it's like he's playing with me, he'll only go so far, then he stops dead and backs off, and I'm left looking and feeling stupid".
Unbeknown to JJ, Jem was having the same struggle with his feelings, until he was stopped by Vinny on the day before they were due to fly home.
Vinny challenged him.
"Why are you doing this to my uncle JJ?, you're upsetting him".
Jem's reply was almost as if he was reasoning with himself, but it completely threw Vinny.
"Because I've fallen in love with him, and I understand your concern, you all look out for him in a way which is admirable, but I don't know what to do about it, I'm thinking maybe I should just walk away, because the last thing I want to do is cause him hurt, he's far too precious to me for that to be an option".
And then he was gone, leaving Vinny stunned.
Vinny stewed on the conversation for an hour or more, debating with himself, should he share what Jem had said with his Poppas?, but he reasoned, that was seriously breaking a confidence, Jem hadn't given him permission to share their conversation, but he knew he had to do something.
It was the sight of JJ sitting alone on the terrace that made up Vinny's mind for him.
Sitting down next to his uncle Vinny started explaining.
"I'm unsure if I should share something with you, I'm certain I'll be breaking a confidence, but I'm just as certain if I don't I could be guilty of causing an unnecessary hurt, or, at the very least, denying the possibility of happiness, so here goes and if need be I'll burn in hell".
He'd recounted the entire conversation for JJ, finishing with.
"I don't want to discuss it with you, it's not my business, and I already feel quite bad about breaking a confidence, but now you have the facts, I'll leave you to think about it".
After dinner that evening most of the family disappeared to complete their packing ready for their various flights home the following day.
From the terrace JJ spotted Jem down in the gardens, he looked to be deep in thought, walking aimlessly around.
JJ took the stairs down two floors from the terrace, Jem didn't see him coming and jumped when JJ's voice broke into his thoughts.
"Penny for them".
Jem looked baffled as JJ explained.
"For your thoughts, a penny for them, that's unless they're too private to trust me with them, but I can assure you, I'm difficult to shock, and I'm watertight with a confidence".
Jem's answer surprised him but it didn't throw him.
"And if my thoughts upset you, if you didn't agree with them, would you still remain watertight?".
JJ could sense that maybe Jem was struggling with his emotions as well.
"I've told you that no one would ever hear what you say to me unless you want them too, that's a promise, and I very much doubt your thoughts could upset me, unless you were thinking of walking out of my life, so can you share them with me?".
Jem had looked him straight in the eyes before saying.
"That's exactly what I was contemplating, walking away, keeping my distance, and keeping my sanity and self respect at the same time, when we get back I'm moving to Melbourne".
JJ looked decidedly sad.
"Why Jem, have I upset you in some way?, if I have it wasn't intended, tell me, please".
He could see how nervous Jem was, and his words came almost in a tumble, but JJ gave a sigh of relief.
"I fell in love with you JJ, I couldn't help it, and I can't just be around you, I'm sorry if that shocks you but at least you know why I'm moving to Melbourne, I see it as the only way to cope with the situation".
Now JJ's words shocked Jem.
"And if I told you I'd fallen in love with you, would that affect your decision on whether to move to Melbourne?, because I have, I don't want you to leave Jem, but I will understand if you feel mine and Grants relationship stops you from doing anything about us................".
He didn't get to say anymore, Jem's lips closing on his almost took his breath away.
When they broke the kiss Jem looked into his eyes.
"I don't worry about Grant in any way, he'd be the first to tell us both to be happy, and I don't give a fig what the rest of the world thinks, my only worry was that I'd fallen in love with you and you wouldn't feel the same, that thought has been gnawing away at me for some time, but now I know you love me it's like a massive weight has been lifted off me".
JJ was a little nervous about asking.
"So will you consider not making a move to Melbourne?".
Jem's reply at first pleased JJ, then confused him, and finally he burst out laughing.
"Ever since my Aunt Lindy told me a week before Christmas that you'd asked for me to accompany them here for the holidays, my heart has been beating double time, as soon as I heard about your request I cancelled my plans, so I'll tell you, nothing will convince me to leave Sydney now, unless of course you do, and I guarantee I'll be right beside you wherever we're headed".
Baffled by JJ's laughter he asked what it was about.
"I think we've been setup, it was early November when I invited your aunt and uncle to spend the holidays with us, and it was the second week of November when your aunt called to ask if they could bring you with them, because they wanted to keep you close, you had no plans and would be spending it alone".
Jem laughed with him.
"I didn't see it coming but it doesn't surprise me, she's always been my second mom, my parents were loving, but to be honest, they'd never wanted a child, I was an accident".
JJ was intrigued listening as Jem went on.
"You know I was eight months older than Grant, I think the only reason my mom didn't get an abortion was because aunt Lindy found out, and they'd spent so many years trying for a baby my mom couldn't bring herself to do it, but I've heard conversations over the years which suggest my mom was seriously pissed when aunt Lindy found out she was pregnant as my mom reached eight months".
They'd sat on a sofa in the garden, JJ snuggled in with Jem's arm around him as he continued.
"Don't get me wrong, I know in their own unique way they loved me, but nothing like the way Aunt Lindy and Uncle Harry loved Grant, and me, they became the substitute parents who attended my school sports days, meet the teacher days, turned up at the hospital in a panic when I was injured in rugby matches, and my graduation day, I think my parents were always away somewhere, possibly on a Safari, or something similar when I graduated.
Each time he paused he pulled JJ in a little closer, and JJ was in heaven.
"Grant saw it early on, he included me in everything, we became besties from as far back as I can remember, when my parents were away I lived at their house, growing up I spent more time there than at my own home, we were never cousins, we were brothers in every sense except by birth".
JJ sensed the darkness in his mood as he went on.
"I can remember I sat and slept on the couch in my apartment, in the dark, with the blinds closed for two days after I heard the news of his death, even now I couldn't tell you what I did in those two days, it was aunt Lindy who came to get me, even in the midst of her own grief she was thinking of me, she knew how utterly devastated I would be, I don't even remember her letting herself in, I just knew she would come, and at some point she was there holding me as I, a thirty year old man, cried like a baby, my brother was dead and I didn't think I could go on, but she gave me the strength to face it, my mother by proxy, the woman who has loved me since birth like I was her first born, she made me understand, Grant would want me to go on".
Unbeknown to them, they were being watched from the terrace by Lindy and Harry, with Harry squeezing his wife affectionately and saying.
"Good work my love, they should be together, our boy would be so proud of you".
TBC Allan
Comments are welcome to cfgw2000@aol.com.
Thank you for giving me your time, enjoy.