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Life's Illusions - Book Four - Chapter 11
Juan and Josef had been sipping beers, on the expansive balcony to Milo and Piers suite.
Piers had invited them without giving any indication of what he wanted to discuss.
They were convinced, Piers was going to ask for a much strengthened management structure, something which would ease the huge burden placed on him since Milo had sustained such serious injuries.
They weren't prepared for, and were visibly shocked by, what Piers actually said with a wavering voice.
"We are really sorry if what I tell you causes a problem but, we have decided to offer our joint resignations".
His announcement received blank stares from both Juan and Josef, they sat open mouthed, just staring at him, seemingly unable to process Piers words.
Josef was the first to speak.
"Piers, I think I'm speaking for both of us when I say, that's a monumental shock, and I believe Juan will be feeling as devastated as I am right now, please, don't let this be a final decision, let's talk about how you guys came to this decision, if you're overstretched, under too much pressure, let's see if there is something we can do to ease the burden and not lose you".
Milo hadn't said anything, but he reached out to link hands as Piers replied.
"Jo, I nearly lost Milo, it's not about the work, it's about us wanting some time, time to be together, just us, I haven't been totally honest with either of you, or with the family".
At this point Piers started to cry, Milo squeezed his hand, signalling he would take over.
"Guys, we desperately need to do this, I had no idea what sort of pressure Piers has been under, what he's been trying to cope with, but I do now".
Milo paused and, as Josef made to speak he put his hand up, telling them both he had more to say.
"It's true what Piers said, this is not about work, we both can do all of that in our sleep, this is something I'm insisting on, for the sake of Piers health".
That statement took both Josef and Juan completely away from being concerned about the business, as Juan immediately jumped in with a question.
"What is it, are you ill Piers?".
Milo continued as if Juan hadn't interrupted.
"I had no idea Piers wasn't okay until a couple of days ago, when I found him at three in the morning, sobbing like a baby".
Piers was looking down, not meeting their eyes, Josef gave Juan a look that told him to stay silent, whilst out loud he said.
"Go on".
Milo, was looking at Piers when he spoke again, his voice clearly breaking.
"He's been waking up in a panic, sweating, having constant nightmares, I've seen it, he's in a terrible state, I, we, need to do something about it, he needs professional help now".
Piers didn't give anyone a chance to say anything before he blurted out.
"I thought it would go away, get easier with several weeks on this cruise, so I kept it quiet, but when Milo discovered what I was experiencing, he insisted we talk about it, it feels like I'm going mad, I can't control what happens, I can't go on, the nightmares, I'm convinced Milo's dead, they're getting worse not better, I don't know what to do, I'm so sorry".
Both Jo and Juan had him in a hug before he finished speaking, with Juan saying.
"Piers, stop it, don't be sorry, you're more important than any job, that's something we can figure out, we should have seen how this thing affected you, we were all so focused on Milo, we let you down, but Milo's right, this has to be addressed now".
Turning to Milo, Juan asked.
"Have you a plan in mind?".
Milo was honest.
"No, not really, we're a bit lost, we thought just get home, then we'll talk, decide what we should do to help Piers".
Juan looked at both of them, his reply was a strong statement, filled with concern.
"No, we need this to be something that is started as soon as possible, Piers, you need to have confidence, we're working with you, there's a way to put this right, I want your permission to speak with someone about what we need to do, is that okay with you guys?".
Piers, Milo, and even Josef, were all surprised by Juan's insistence.
Piers, after looking at Milo for guidance, nodded his agreement.
Less than an hour later Juan was speaking to the one person he thought could help them.
"Hi, I'm really sorry to break into your day, I know how busy you are but, someone close, really close, has a problem which I thought I could talk to you about, I know, though it's not exactly the same, you've experienced a similar thing, it seems to be some sort of really deep seated anxiety, it's causing nightmares, to the point of not knowing what's real, and what's not".
The reply told Juan it wasn't a problem breaking into his day.
"Uncle Juan, don't ever apologise for calling me, I assume it's family, and family comes first, so shoot, what can I do?".
Juan was grateful, he'd felt guilty for making the call, knowing it would rake up unpleasant memories for the person he was calling.
"Thanks, I know this is not a good subject for you, and I'm sorry if it hurts you, but I couldn't think of anyone else who had the personal experience which would cut through all the red tape quick enough to make a decision on how to help, it's Piers, ever since he heard the news that Milo was dead, he's been having ever worsening nightmares, panic attacks, he's convinced he's going mad, we desperately need to figure out how to help him, I feel completely helpless, if Pierre were here, he'd know exactly what to do, I thought, after what you went through, maybe you would be best placed to guide us, is it something you think you could do?".
He could hear at the start in Dillon's wavering reply, it had taken him aback, brought up memories he didn't really want to revisit, but the wavering ceased within the first few words, changing to a strong, confident reply.
"Forgive that wobble there, you actually threw me for a moment, send him to me Uncle, I'll set up a meeting with my councillor, she's a wonderful lady, but be honest with him, tell him you've explained everything to me, and I definitely want him here, I hate the thought that anyone else is experiencing what I experienced, I'll hold his hand as he starts his journey back to full confidence, I won't let you down I promise".
Juan was almost in tears.
"Dill, I don't know what to say, I only expected advice, are you sure it's not going to be unpleasant for you?, it would be unbearable for me if I thought I'd be hurting you by doing this, we failed you in the past, we owe you so much".
Dillon's reply really gave Juan confidence.
"No one in the family failed me Uncle, I stayed well hidden, even when I could have put myself in plain sight, it was my foolish decision to run, and my minds foolish decision to stay away, I know that now, but at the time the thoughts in my head convinced me differently, that's why Piers needs to come here, I can walk him though how I felt, how wrong I was, and how just placing trust in someone, talking it through, can help regain your perspective, your sanity, do it, or do you want me to come get him?, he's family, I'll come and kidnap him if I have to".
He thought Dillon had finished speaking, but he suddenly jumped back in, talking as if he were back in a not so happy place.
"Uncle Jo, explanations are difficult, it makes you feel stupid, try to get him out with minimal fuss, don't put him in a position where everyone can rain pity down on him, no one here in Philadelphia, or Chicago, will know of his arrival, unless, and until he wants to tell them".
Juan's answer was strong, convincing.
"Give me a little time to talk to him and Milo, but thanks Dillon, I admit, I get a bit paranoid when it's family, more so because we're talking about Pierre's little brother, he's that much more special because of his link to Pierre, I'll call you soon, I promise".
Juan had a couple of quick stops to make before he went back to Piers and Milo's suite, once he'd achieved his objectives he returned, finding Josef and Milo comforting a sobbing Piers.
"Okay guys, I have a plan".
All eyes were on him as he said.
"We're less than two days out from Sydney, I've borrowed Daniels plane, it's big enough to do the long haul flight you're going on, you'll leave the ship on the pilots launch and be airborne out of Sydney before anyone can ask questions, I've cleared your flying with your doctors Milo".
They were all staring at him, not understanding him, until he explained.
"You're going to Philadelphia, Dillon is arranging for his councillor to work with you Piers, you'll be staying at Strelloe House, he's promised to walk beside you, he said to tell you, if you don't go, he'll come and kidnap you, it hurts him that much to know someone else is suffering the way he did without needing to".
Still no one said anything, so Juan continued.
"No one else knows anything, Daniel agreed to lend me his plane without knowing why, it can stay that way until after you've left for Philadelphia, even then your location will remain a secret until you decide otherwise, but be assured, you're going to get through this Piers, and that's an order".
Josef jumped in now.
"We're ignoring your resignations, take as much time as you both need, when you're ready, whether it's weeks, months, or years, that's the point where we'll talk again about work".
Two days later, as they approached Sydney Harbour, Piers and Milo, accompanied by Aly and Bo, stepped onto the Pilots Launch, it would be several hours before the family knew they were missing.
As the time drew closer for disembarking, Josef called everyone to Piers and Milo's suite, when they were gathered he explained.
"Rather than answer a multitude of questions, I'm going to tell you now, Piers, Milo, Aly, and Bo, have left the ship, the were taken off by the Pilots Launch early this morning".
He paused, apart from surprised looks, no one said anything, expecting that he would explain further, knowing something serious was amiss.
"Two days ago we learned that Piers was very seriously unwell, no one knew because he'd successfully hidden it from everyone, until Milo found him, frightened and sobbing, in the early hours of the morning".
He paused only for a moment.
"Piers has been experiencing what serving and returning personnel describe as PTSD, he's constantly reliving the moment when he heard that Milo was dead, and it's getting worse, increasingly realistic nightmares, daytime panic attacks, he admits there are times when he can't differentiate between fact and fiction".
As he paused this time there were tears from every face.
"Juan excelled, within a matter of hours, he'd arranged for Piers to be where he can receive the very best help in conquering the problem, it's why we needed your plane Daniel, and thank you for not asking Juan why we needed it, I'm not going to tell you where he is, but I will update Jacqueline periodically so that the family can stay informed".
Now he turned directly to Daniel.
"Daniel, you are the only person who is capable of knowing where Piers is, by having the knowledge of where your plane traveled too, I'm asking, not demanding, simply asking, that you allow him to enjoy the safe haven he so desperately needs right now, keep his location as unknown, until such time as Piers chooses to have it known, please".
Daniel was dialling on his cell phone as he answered.
"I don't see the Flight logs, I only get queried on journeys if I'm not one of the passengers, so it's good you told me".
As he finished speaking to Josef, his call connected.
"This is Daniel Worthington, would you connect me to Maurice Stewart in Finance please".
Turning to face everyone, he spoke again into his cell phone.
"Maurice, it's good to speak with you, .............yes I'm well, so is Junior, ....... Maurice, I have what might seem something of a strange request, please ensure this call is being recorded, take a copy of the call and hold it for your own protection and reassurance, .........my plane left Sydney today, onboard were four passengers, I was not one of the passengers, I authorised that flight, but because it's taking a family member for desperately needed medical attention, I do not want the destination ever discovered, discussed, or disclosed, wherever the flight travelled to, I approve it's journey, never disclose its destination to me, the cost is to be billed to me personally, one of the persons being transported needs anonymity right now if they are to successfully negotiate recovery, I'll speak again soon Maurice, .............yes I know I never fail to surprise you, I'll say only one thing Maurice, this is family, there is nothing more important, please understand that".
Josef just smiled at him.
"Thank you Daniel, I should say, Aly and Bo asked that you bill them for the cost of the flight, but I'm guessing you'll stick two fingers up to that request".
Daniel, even as he wiped his eyes said.
"Correct".
Of all the family, Fleur and Cecile were sobbing the worst, being comforted by Woody and Jacqueline, as Fleur put it.
"It's just not right, I've been through so much with Piers, he's so good, why does he have to suffer again, Pierre dying almost broke him, losing Milo was just as bad, when I traveled here with him to reunite them, that was truly one of the most frightening experiences of my life, but they came through it, I love Piers like a little brother, he's my link to Pierre, my angel, it's just not fair".
The remaining family were collected in Sydney by a fleet of limousines and taken to Milo and Piers home.
They'd relaxed there, though relaxed was possibly a wrong assessment, as most of them were on pins, wondering how Piers was doing, until news came after four days from Dillon.
Juan read the message to the assembled family.
'Positive news, first and second appointment done, he hasn't spoken about what he's feeling yet, not even to Milo, but we're all agreed, there's a visible relaxing in him, we're confident, it's going to be okay'.
He'd sat there sweating, not knowing if he was really believing what he knew, it seemed to be reality, but was it?,, when he became aware of the words breaking through.
"Piers, I'm here, tell me what you're seeing, everything you see, I'm still here, you're not alone".
It gave him a lift, a renewed confidence, he knew he could face it.
The voice he heard had been frightening when they'd started these sessions over a month ago, now he craved that voice, it had become his yardstick, the point where he could judge what he was seeing, question what he was hearing, not entirely believing it was reality, it became the point where he could challenge what his mind tried to convince him was true.
The first session had seen Piers unsure if he wanted to endure a second meeting, he'd come away trembling.
If Piers was unsure, it was nothing to how his Councillor felt.
Sienna was a middle aged woman of spectacular beauty, who embraced Piers, putting him at ease straightaway, making him feel loved, protected, enveloping him, but she'd shocked both him, and herself, with her first statement.
"I'm feeling a big brother, almost a father figure who's looking down on us, whatever we do, it won't be me guiding you, I'll just be the one passing on the instructions, I don't know if that makes any sense to you but, I'm getting a message which I really don't understand".
Sienna had never experienced anything like this before, it was as if her session with Dillon had been hijacked by a clearly stronger power which she just didn't understand, but she felt compelled to pass everything on, so she told him, word for word what she was receiving.
Piers, if I repeat something to you, please don't freak out, I don't know why, or how I got it, I just know I have to pass it on".
"Any way, this is what I have a compelling urge to tell you".
'We're going to beat this Piers, I didn't sacrifice so much to have you lose it all, you have a man who loves you, persevere, we'll get through this, trust me, I didn't leave you, I'm still here watching'.
Piers had left his first session in tears, Sienna was as confused as her client, this had never happened before, she felt something, but she couldn't ever say what, was guiding, or perhaps controlling her.
As their sessions progressed she felt the outside presence regress slightly, she and Piers settled into a comfortable pattern.
Piers was close to breaking out but he couldn't do it, and however she tried Sienna couldn't get him to go forward, the nightmares continued.
Until the night Pierre came back.
He'd been having another nightmare, Milo was dead, he was sobbing into his pillow, but his bed was in the rose garden, there were people digging a grave on the lawn that surrounded Pierre's rose garden, Milo was telling them not to harm the roses, but Milo was dead, how could he be talking, and then it was like a lightening strike, a brilliant flash of light.
He was there sitting next to Piers, holding his hands, staring directly into his eyes, it was Pierre, his Pierre, but his expression told Piers he was about to get a rollocking.
"This doubt, stop it, I didn't bring you up to be a doubting Thomas, I'm dead, Milo is alive, embrace that fact, you're hurting him, he's worried about you, this doubt is silly, admit you heard that Milo died, it's true, it's a fact, but he was brought back by Medics, repaired by Doctors, and now he's getting stronger, Milo is alive, I don't want to hear anymore of this doubting that he's alive, ask yourself if I would lie to you, and that will tell you, everything else is fake, I'm still here Piers, I'll be watching until the day you join me, don't ever think that you're alone, you're not, rest now Baby Brother, when you wake tell Milo everything, and remind him of his promise to me, that he would marry you, goodbye for now".
He'd actually slept, after the thrashing about which Milo witnessed, he'd become calm, relaxing into a deep sleep, seemingly at peace, Milo had spent the rest of the night watching him, almost euphoric, he was sleeping peacefully.
When he awoke, his first sight was of a haggard looking Milo, beaming like a ray of sunshine, as he greeted Piers.
"Good morning my love, I do believe you had a peaceful nights sleep, are you okay?".
Piers smiled, stretching, he almost giggled.
"Yes Milo, I'm definitely okay, I had a visit from Pierre, it's all okay now, he gave me a talking to, and I'm sorry, I've put you through some stressful times, but it's in the past, I understand now, my mind was not struggling with the news that you had died, it was struggling with accepting that you survived, but I know you did, and I have my sanity back, so make love to me my darling, but I have a message from Pierre, he wanted me to remind you that you haven't married me yet, I believe it was a promise you made?".
Milo grabbed him.
"Piers, you can never know how happy I am, I'm only here because of you, without you I don't think I could exist, we'll marry as soon as possible, oh, I'm sorry, that's not right".
Milo eased himself out of their bed stark naked, kneeling next to a surprised Piers.
"Piers-Alonso-Bowles-Cruz, you are the only reason I exist on this earth, if not for you, I would have no purpose, I'm not asking, I'm begging, will you do me the greatest honour, and agree to become my husband?".
Piers smiled, saying.
"You're such an idiot Milo, one of these days you'll probably understand, we are so akin it's unbelievable, the first time I laid eyes on you, I knew you were the only person I ever wanted to be with, don't beg me, you don't need to, I'm yours, I always will be, so, yes, I'll marry you, but I want the ceremony to be in the garden at Avenue Montclair, in front of Pierre's own rose garden, I want him there with us, nowhere else will do".
Piers continued with his scheduled visit to Sienna next day, after their usual greetings, he said, quite suddenly, surprising her.
"It was never the fact that Milo died, it was him living, I couldn't accept that, I couldn't allow myself to believe it, I think I was frightened it might not be real".
She didn't say anything, just allowed him to carry on.
"The presence you've been feeling, it's my brother Pierre, he raised me from a baby, some feat for a boy who was so crippled he couldn't walk, nothing defeated Pierre in life, and he's proved death can't stop him either, he came to me in the middle of another nightmare last night, smashed it apart, gave me a Pierre style rollocking, I know now, I'm going to be alright, he made me face it".
Sienna said.
"He sounds like a wonderful person".
Piers was smiling, looking off, into the rays of sunlight streaming through the windows, the tears rolling down his cheeks as he continued.
"Lots of times you hear how someone looks up to a big brother, I don't look up to Pierre, I aspire to be as close as I can possibly get to how wonderful, how selfless, how understanding, he was, all his life he gave, with no thought to the cost on himself, I'll never ever get close to being the person he was, but I'm so grateful I could burst with pride because he was my brother".
When they parted that day, Sienna knew he wouldn't be coming back, it was like a new, confident person who walked out from her suite of rooms, not the nervous boy who'd come to her months before, the boy Dillon had described as one of the family's most precious assets.
That afternoon, it was a Friday, Dillon had been planning to visit Chicago, he'd been using every excuse he could think of so that no one came to Strelloe House, the merest mention of Trevor coming to stay produced a sudden business need to be in Chicago.
That afternoon, Dillon had been caught on the hop, Trevor was already in the air, he was going to have to manage the situation, they were talking as Piers and Milo entered Strelloe House, the conversation one sided, but still easy to understand.
"Trev, it's not that I don't want you here, please don't think that, I love you, I'm just trying to juggle a lot of things right now, I can't have you at the house, don't question that, one day I promise, I'll explain, just not now, please".
They could see the pain in Dillon's expression, Piers nodded to Milo, who took the cell phone from Dillon, whilst Piers hugged Dillon and Milo spoke to Trevor.
"Trevor, it's Milo, we're the reason Dillon's been so secretive, Piers needed help, but it's okay, come to Strelloe House, I think your lover needs some soothing, he's been an absolute power of strength for Piers, he's seriously frayed around the edges so be kind to him, he's been keeping our secret for a good reason, ....... Yes my friend we'll see you soon".
Dillon was aghast.
"What have you done, this will zip around the family like a virus, I love Trevor completely, but he knows, I always tell him, he like a bucket with holes in it, he's as capable of holding a secret as that bucket is of holding water".
Piers turned Dillon to face him, saying.
"It's okay, it's over, I'm going to be okay Dill, it was a bumpy ride, but with your help I got there, Sienna is an amazing lady, I can't thank you enough for finding her for me".
Dillon became sombre, reflective.
"It was Jonny who found her for me, she saved me, I was still a child really, but I had so much baggage, I honestly don't know how she managed to unravel all my lunatic obsessions, my strange thoughts, she became a big sister to me, we had serious sessions, then on odd days, she'd say, fuck this lets go out and get drunk, and we did, I love her, she became a part of the family I was craving, a substitute, but I loved her, I still do, it's why I knew I could trust her to help you".
When Trevor arrived there was no disguising the tension, until Milo said.
"You two need to talk, and talk frankly, we're afraid we've hurt you, if we have we're sorry, we're going out now, we won't be back until tomorrow, please be kind to each other".
As they left Strelloe House Piers was totally confused, until Milo said.
"They need time my love, Dillon's been fending off Trevor's visits, Trevor has finally got to a point where he feels he has to challenge the situation, and now he hears that Dillon's been lying to him, we're the reason for those lies, I can't blame Trevor for feeling pissed off, let's hope they can work it out, I've booked us into a hotel, to give them the space they need, and I'm going hold you, and ravish you, my beautiful boy".
Their night away had been wonderful, they returned the following afternoon feeling euphoric, until they encountered Dillon.
Apparently, Dillon and Trevor had argued heatedly the previous evening, until, in the midst of a rage, Trevor had stormed out of Strelloe House, vowing never to return, questioning why he'd put his life on hold for someone who could lie to him so easily".
Dillon was a mess, he couldn't stop crying, but he was adamant, he wouldn't apologise, if Trevor couldn't understand his motivation, then maybe they'd both been wrong all along.
That night, Milo and Piers had agreed, Piers would look after Dillon the next day, Milo was flying to Chicago.
In Chicago Trevor was at home, not expecting visitors, and in a foul mood, when the door bell rang.
Yanking the door open he was shocked to find himself staring at an equally pissed Milo.
"What do you want, haven't you caused me enough trouble?".
Milo, in equal measure answered with as much anger.
"I want to know why you dislike my partner so much you don't think his life is worth fighting for, and why you would toss aside the best thing that you ever had, just to be a prima donna who thinks he's more important than he really is, except to the person he's just mortally wounded, the person I saw sobbing uncontrollably when I left to come here and batter you into oblivion, you have about ten seconds before I commence that battering so answer wisely".
Trevor could have been angry, but he wasn't, he'd already realised his folly, and in reply to the threat he completely surprised Milo, he burst into tears, babbling his words.
"I know, I fucked up, I just couldn't help it, I'm sorry".
And he plopped down on the floor, as if his legs gave way, sobbing, in full view of anyone passing, right there in his doorway.
Milo joined him, hugging him.
"Been there, done that, you're not the first idiot on the planet to fuck up, but you and I know what you have to do now, so come on, let's go put you back together with the very reason you get up every morning, you okay with that?".
All Trevor could say was.
"Yes, I love him".
Their journey back to Philly was an easy one, Milo had chartered a plane to get him to Chicago.
They'd each been fairly quiet, almost sombre, as the miles went by, but suddenly Trevor said.
"I don't think he wants to get married, every time I broach the subject of planning the wedding he steers the conversation some other way, I didn't mean to have a pop at you guys, it's just that, I don't understand what's going on".
Trevor lapsed into silence, obviously thinking deeply, then he blurted out.
"If he doesn't want to be married, I'll live with it, as long as I've got him, but I worry that's the start of him moving away from me, do you think I'm being paranoid Milo?".
Milo could only answer honestly, and with Piers recent scare, he felt he understood Dillon a little better now.
"There will always be a lot more going on in Dillon's head than most of us will get to know about, it's all part and parcel of the life he's experienced, but it doesn't make him a bad person, it just means in his private life he's more cautious than most, more fearful of making a mistake, you have to trust that when he's ready, he'll make the right decision, and I don't have any doubts you'll be a big part of that decision, be patient Trev".
But neither of them could have foreseen the shock they would face when they arrived back in Philadelphia.
TBC Allan
Comments are welcome to cfgw2000@aol.com.
Thank you for giving me your time, enjoy.