'Life's a Bitch, Then You Blow'
By Felicia Trans feliciatvnj@hotmail.com
Here I was, sitting on a dirty toilet seat in a filthy gas station restroom, trying to not get grease stains on my mini skirt or camisole top or step in the puddles of urine on the floor with my heeled sandals. I was waiting for the attendant to come in so I could pay for the tank of gas that had just been put into my crappy old Civic with 'service rendered'.
And I was thinking back to a little over a year ago when I would have just handed my Visa card out the window instead. But a year ago I would have been sitting in my SUV in a business suit, heading to the office, having kissed the wife goodbye a few minutes before at the door of my large suburban house.
Life's a bitch sometimes - then you blow.
It isn't like everything actually went from here to there in the last year, though. I've been transgendered since my very earliest years, and have always felt like a female inside. In my childhood I dressed like a girl whenever I could find privacy, and I owned my own complete makeup kit (stolen from the drugstore of course) by the time I was 11. By age 17, when I started driving and got freedom I grew my hair long and began going out all the time. But it was never sexual to me. I would get dressed in girl's casual clothes, slacks, sweater, medium heels, full makeup, of course, with my own long hair. And I'd just go out to public places as a girl to be a girl, and guys never crossed my mind.
I always liked girls, and always had girlfriends. And because of that, and because of the social implications and stigma of being transgendered, especially back then, I became very good at presenting a male image most of the time.
In my early twenties I met my wife and things moved along very quickly with her. And in the very beginning I bared my soul to her and told her about my transgenderedness, which I described as crossdressing though I always suspected it was more than that. And she freaked completely, and I backed off completely. We married and I put (or tried to put) the girl stuff behind me for quite a number of years.
But as happens, a person can't put their self behind them and things changed...
The restroom door opened and the attendant, a bald hairy guy with a beer belly, walked in and reached down to unzip himself with dirty black fingernails on both hands. He slid down his grayish jockey shorts, and stepped over towards me on the toilet seat. As he got close the smell of gasoline from his clothes and the strong body odor from his crotch filled my nose, and when he pushed his cock into my mouth it tasted of sweat and urine. The first few times I'd had to do this with a guy I gagged and remained unresponsive, so the guys would fuck my mouth to get themselves off which made it worse. And after puking a few times I'd learned it was easier to be active, so as his cock entered my mouth I reached up with my hand to stroke his shaft and used my mouth, tongue and lips to get it over with as quickly as possible, and within a few minutes he grunted and spewed his strong, bitter tasting sperm into my mouth. I shifted his gooey mess from my tongue to my cheek to minimize the disgusting taste and texture as he finished draining himself. He quickly zipped up and left but before the door had fully closed behind him I was off the seat spitting his cum into the sink and quickly rinsing my mouth out with water from the sink. But the bitter taste remained strong as I left the restroom and walked to my car. I really was going to have to find a new gas station to barter my services at - but at least the fuel gauge was showing full.
After years of denying the girl I'd hit a point where I couldn't do it anymore, so I started bringing the girl back without my wife's knowledge. I discovered a transgender support group on the Internet and began making excuses to get away evenings to go to the meetings, and met a lot of other girls like myself. And I began to get out socially and publicly again after a long lapse. Chat rooms were next, I met a lot of others there and before long I was taking pictures of myself and started a website. But there was still nothing sexual going on; I still had no interest in men whatsoever.
I left the gas station and headed over to the market to pick up a few things. I had a tab there but was a little behind on it, though the owner was fairly good about it. And I was planning on making a payment while I was there. I walked in and saw the owner, a late 60's guy, talking and joking with 3 other guys - and when he saw me come in he told the clerk at the register that he'd be in a meeting, and he motioned me towards his small office in the corner. I walked in through the open door as he followed, but was a little surprised to see the guys he'd been talking to follow him in as well, and the last one in closed the door. The owner mentioned my tab, and then told me if I felt like it I could clear the tab and have some decent credit on the good side. And knowing my refrigerator was empty, I agreed. So I sat on the couch, and as the other guys sat down and watched, I sucked off the owner as quickly as I could - and when he came in my mouth with a small moan I reluctantly swallowed his sperm down quickly to get it out of my mouth, knowing I wouldn't be able to spit it out. And then I stayed there as the other 3 guys took their turns with my mouth, and using my hand, lips, and tongue I paid off my bill by taking their cum into my mouth, and belly as well. And when they were done I left the office and spent every cent of my credit on food, and then left the store with the usual unpleasant taste in my mouth and throat. But at least they had all been clean and hygienic guys, and I now had something to eat and drink for a few days.
I sensed something was wrong as I walked through the front door after one of my support meetings. And I was right, because as I turned around from closing the door my wife was right in my face, screaming 'You are a fucking asshole' at the top of her lungs. I had known this would happen eventually, and it had been like a weight hanging over my head on a frayed rope. So I stayed silent as she continued. 'I knew something was up with you, and I was right. I found your website you fucking pervert!' 'I'm not a pervert' I replied shakily 'I don't have sex with anyone. And you knew what I was like before we got married' 'And I told you I'd leave you if you ever did that again. I want a fucking divorce'
***** My next stop was to a lingerie store a few towns over. I really needed some new panties, bras, and hosiery, all the underwear I owned was getting ragged and all my stockings were run. I'd called up the owner yesterday since this wasn't a regular stop, and he told me to drop by. He was actually a very decent man, and I'd been a regular customer back when I had money.
He liked reciprocal blowjobs which I generally never did, but since he was OK with me getting him out of the way first, and he was very generous with his barter terms and would let me pick out a few hundred dollars of merchandise afterwards, I compromised a little with him.
We went right into his office where he offered me a drink, which I declined, and then he presented me with a beautiful lingerie set which he asked me to put on and keep afterwards. It was a red lace push-up bra, with matching thong and garter belt, red lace top stockings, and even a pair of red stiletto heeled fuck-me pumps in my size. I undressed and put them on as he got totally naked and sat back on the couch.
He liked me to sit next to him and lean over his lap sucking him while he played with my cock, which he slipped out of the thong. And since this was a turn on for him he didn't take more than a few minutes before he exploded in my mouth. His cum was extremely thick and globby and I'd probably have gagged trying to swallow it down, but what he wanted me to do wasn't that anyway, so I sat up with the mouthful of cum as he leaned his head back and I leaned over his mouth and fed his own cum back to him, which he gulped right down. Then I stood up in front of him, and he leaned forward and took my cock in his mouth. Because of a combination of hormones and lack of interest I can't really get completely hard, and he'd never be able to make me cum with his mouth, so he licked and sucked on my cockhead while I jerked myself off into his mouth. And as usual he swirled it around his mouth, like a good wine, before swallowing it.
After dressing I walked around the store with him and stocked up on bras, panties, and stockings and was set for awhile on that count anyway. Then I said goodbye and was back out to my car - and since I'd had a glass of wine with him while shopping afterwards, at least my mouth didn't taste like cum this time.
My wife wouldn't even talk to me about anything for the next few days, but finally came up to me and asked 'You really don't have sex with guys?' I told her I didn't, and she sensed my disgust at even the thought of it. We started talking again, and though I told her I couldn't go back to my guy self completely, we agreed to see a therapist together and decided to give it another try. The therapist was familiar with transgender and told my wife up front that it wasn't going to go away, but that in many cases it wouldn't progress any further. So we stayed married and I had a few nights a week out. She wouldn't talk about it or be around me enfemme but things somewhat settled back into a routine.
My next stop was the pharmacy. I'd been on hormones for awhile but couldn't afford them anymore and had found a pharmacist who'd let me barter for them. I pulled up behind the drug store like usual and knocked on the back door, and after a minute the pharmacist, a tall older guy with white hair and glasses, let me in. This was always a weird stop for me. The pharmacist's area was locked off at the back of the store behind glass doors and windows behind a counter where he worked - and what he always insisted on was that I crawl down the aisle out of sight of the people in the store and go under the front counter. The pharmacist would only give me a weeks worth of Premarin, Progesterone, and the anti-androgen I was presently taking at a time so he'd be guaranteed weekly blowjobs, and what he always wanted was to stand at the counter in full view from the store while I sucked him off under the counter. I really hated this but the hormones weer a real priority with me and I had no other options, so as he stood at the counter I pulled down his pants and underwear and resignedly took his cock in my mouth and began to suck him off. I knew from weekly experience that I wasn't going to be able to rush this one too much, he could hold off forever if he wanted to, but I had learned what he really liked so I softly sucked on just his cock head as I flicked my tongue across the tip, and then began to very slowly move my lips up and down his shaft. He always stood completely still, being in view as he was, but his cock got rock hard as I kept a soft suction and pressed my tongue against the underside when I moved down his shaft and lapped across the tip at the upstroke. I very gradually increased the rhythm, and as usual I had no real warning except a pulse against my lower lip just milliseconds before he exploded into my mouth. Not being ready for it I ended up taking the blast directly into my throat and gagged a little, but quickly swallowed and moved my mouth so the follow up spurts hit the inside of my cheek instead, and when he was done draining himself I quickly swallowed it down so I wouldn't gag again. As I pulled up his boxers and pants, as usual, he reached under the counter and handed me my meds. And then put them in my purse and crawled back out and down the aisle to the back door and was quickly out to my car - again with the taste of cum in my mouth and throat very strong.
At home things continued as usual for awhile, and we kept seeing the therapist, separately and together. But in my separate sessions the therapist and I had talked about hormones and he agreed to give me a prescription without talking to my wife about it. I began taking the three different pills at regular intervals and over the next few months my breasts started to grow among other changes. But my wife and I, while still living together, hadn't gotten back to sleeping together and she hadn't noticed yet. But she had noticed some of the other things I'd started doing. I'd had laser hair removal on my face and was following it up with weekly electrolysis sessions and my beard was gone (at least till the inactive beard hairs started in). I was shaving my body almost daily. I'd gradually plucked my eyebrows till they were pencil line thin. I'd let my nails grow long and kept them manicured and shaped. I'd let my hair grow till it reached my shoulders. And I finally had my ears pierced and wore clear plastic disks in them while they healed. My job had been OK at least, or maybe I'd been in denial about that. I was in software marketing and had been making a lot of money - and my numbers had always been decent enough if not spectacular. But one day I showed up at the office and found a voicemail from the president's secretary requesting my presence in a meeting that morning. At the time I didn't think much of it but when I walked into his office and saw his expression I knew something was wrong. He started right off with 'I want your resignation'. I was floored! 'Why?' I asked 'My numbers are good' 'I've had several of our large customers call and ask that you be taken off their account. They've been feeling uncomfortable around you, and frankly so have I. I honestly don't even want to know what's going on with you, but it's been pretty hard to miss the earrings, nails, and eyebrows, not even mentioning the way you've been acting. So I'm going to have to let you go. There'll be some package for you, but you really haven't been with us that long so it won't be much' I left the office stunned and spent the rest of the day in a bar drinking - then headed for home to tell my wife the news.
Done with my bartering for the day, I headed home and let myself into my apartment. It wasn't actually an apartment; it was a furnished room over a garage with a lumpy queen bed and a dresser, a crappy couch, small table with 2 chairs, and a mini-kitchen at one end. But at least it had a small private bathroom and a very large closet against the back wall. I put the underwear and stockings in the dresser drawers, the food in the small fridge and into the cabinets, and my meds into the medicine cabinet. But just as I sat down on the couch there was a knock on the door, and knowing who it was, I got up and let the landlord in. I should have considered myself fortunate, I suppose, to have been able to barter for the apartment or I'd have been homeless, but it was a constant thing. The landlord was a divorced guy in his 30's who worked nights, but was constantly horny. And because the cost of an apartment, even a really crappy one like mine, was so high I'd had to agree to blow him pretty much whenever he wanted it ... which was usually daily, and sometimes even several times a day.
The landlord walked in and as he usually did put a tape in the VCR and started playing it on the TV. His porn tastes were really eclectic but virtually always oral, and the tape that began playing was Brazilian, and opened with a girl under a horse, moaning in Portuguese, as she played with her clit and sucked on a huge horse cock. I quickly glanced away as the landlord flopped on the couch as usual, his pants and boxers on the floor, and without a word I kneeled between his legs and sucked him off. He moaned as usual watching the girl sucking a horse cock on the TV behind me and me sucking his cock in front of him and within a few minutes I heard a horse noise from the TV speakers, followed by loud moaning from the girl and I braced myself knowing that horse cum was probably flowing out of the girls mouth and it would only be seconds before the landlord came. But I also braced myself because the landlord always held my head in place just before he exploded and thrusted into my throat to unload. And this time was no different and I held my breath to keep from puking or choking as his cock forced it's way into my throat and I felt the usual hot splashes against my gullet as he filled it with sperm, and as he pulled out the taste hit me full at the same time I could feel his cum sliding down towards my belly. My eyes were watering as he stood up to pull up his pants, but he quickly left without saying a word and closed the door behind him. And as sometimes happens I just made it to the bathroom before my vomiting started, and I leaned over the bowl and threw up several times - and when I was done I just stayed there a minute, looking down at the small mass of food and bile in the bowl, and the large quantity of cum mixed in and floating separately in white and pale yellow globs on the surface of the toilet water.
When I got home I immediately saw the envelope taped to the outside of the front door - and opened it to find the simple message: I'M OUT OF HERE - FUCK YOU And realized she'd already heard about the job.
I let myself in and was greeted by what seemed to be a totally empty house. I ran upstairs and found that all of my clothes were still in my closet and dresser but literally nothing else. I called her parents house but her brother answered the phone and said 'She won't talk to you - so don't call here again...faggot'
The next day I started realizing the extent of the mess I was in, first when I went to the ATM to get some cash and found out that all the money had been removed from our joint checking account. And then went inside the bank to find out our savings account had been cleaned out as well.
Over the next few weeks' things got even worse - I was served with notice to vacate the house by the sheriff and the only solid asset I personally owned was my SUV. And when I started trying to find work I quickly realized how totally screwed I was - the job market was bad to begin with but trying to find another job without a decent reference made it even worse. I could not even get an interview, and realized even if I did I wasn't going to get hired for a sales job anyway with my obvious feminine appearance, the long hair, brows, nails, breasts, etc., no matter how masculine my clothes were. So I put my SUV up for sale quickly and took a lot less than it was worth, but I was able to buy the crappy Honda and had a small amount of cash for the time being. I needed a place to live first so I saw the ad from my landlord and went to see him. When he saw me he quickly offered me the barter deal and I immediately turned him down. It wasn't even a thought, really, the idea of sucking someone off was disgusting, and I left. I sat out in my car and broke down and started crying. But, after I was cried out all the options I had ran through my head, and realizing the only other option I had was to try to prostitute myself, I went back to see the landlord and agreed. At least bartering wasn't whoring, it was trading services. A very small distinction but an important one to me. So he asked me into his house saying he needed the 'deposit' first - and for the first time in my life I opened my mouth for a cock. It was horrible, and when he reached down and held my head and pushed into my throat I immediately gagged and started choking, but he held my head in place and finished cumming as the bile rose from my stomach, and the puke and cum filled my cheeks and started spurting out of my nostrils and the sides of my mouth, and ran down my chin to flow down my chest and pool up in my bra. He pulled out and stepped back quickly, and as I kneeled there catching my breath, covered in my puke and his cum, he dropped the key on the floor and said 'I hope you're not going to always do that when you blow me' and left the room.
I came out of the bathroom and turned off the horse sucking video which the landlord had left running, and made a small dinner for myself and sat down to watch TV, but I couldn't keep my finances off my mind. Bartering had been paying the rent, getting me food and some clothes, filling my car with gas, and even getting me my hormones, but there were so many other expenses I couldn't barter for. Car Insurance, utilities, and telephone among a dozen other bills needed to be paid in cash, and my small money stash was almost gone from paying these in the past months. I knew I was going to have to do something really soon or I was going to find myself out in the streets giving $10 blowjobs to anyone who wanted them.
My cell phone rang and I answered it and was totally shocked to hear my brother-in-laws voice at the other end (I still wasn't officially divorced). He said 'Hey, how ya' doin'?' and I answered 'OK...', wondering what he wanted. After a few seconds of silence I said 'Tony, what are you calling for?' He said 'Have you found a job yet?' but I suspected he already knew the answer was no, so I didn't answer. 'Well, a buddy of mine called and asked if I knew anyone...' 'For what?' 'He has a bowling alley with a bar that he leases out for parties after hours - usually stag things or bachelor parties and he's looking for someone to work the parties regularly' 'I don't think so' I said. 'Well, here's the number anyway if you change your mind' and he rattled off a number, which I wrote down without thinking, and hung up.
I needed money so bad I didn't know what to do, and the next thing I knew I was dialing the number and heard a male voice say 'Avalon Lanes, Jimmy speaking' 'Hi' I said 'Tony gave me your number...' 'Why don't you stop by and we can talk' and he gave me the address, in the seedy section of town, which I wrote down. A short while later I walked in the place and found the office - the door was open and a middle aged guy was behind a desk. 'You must be Linda? Come on in, have a seat'
I sat in the chair across from the desk and he said 'Did Tony tell you what we're looking for?' I'd been to stag and bachelor parties back in the guy days and had an idea what he needed, so I answered 'Not really, but I guess you're looking for someone to put on a show, maybe with another girl, and maybe take care of the groom, etc.' 'Actually, I'm not; I already have a few regular girls for that. I'm basically just looking for a blowjob girl to take care of whoever in the crowd is interested in a $20 blowjob' 'Thanks anyway' I said, standing up 'I can do that anywhere' 'Sure you can' he replied 'You can stand on a corner in the weather, deal with the cops and the pimps, eventually get arrested, and maybe killed or at least beat up. Here you're inside and it's warm and safe, the cops are paid off, you keep all the money, which is regular, and there are always guys looking to be sucked off.'
He was right; there was no denying it. So after a few minutes of silence I said I'd give it a try. He took me over to the big room which was about what I expected, large open room, small tables with chairs, small stage, and in one corner was a couch and a heavily padded carpet where he told me I'd be working. As I was driving back to my place I couldn't believe I'd agreed to it. But when I reached my crappy apartment and had no sooner walked in than my landlord knocked on the door with a new bestiality video in his hand looking to throat fuck me, I realized it couldn't be worse than that.
About a month later I left the bowling alley at a little after 2AM and got into my car. It had been my fourth party and had been both better and worse than the previous three parties.
The good side had been that I'd made a little more money than usual - 23 guys had paid me the $20 to have their dicks sucked, so I had $460 in my purse. The money I'd been making was not enough to live on so I still had to barter, but the bills were being paid and it had been steady work so far.
The bad side of the evening had been that the crowd had been an especially unpleasant one. There had been about 50 guys at the party, and maybe the hardest thing for me to deal with in this job had been the public humiliation aspect of it. As bad as some of the barter things had been, the most degrading had at least been in private.
The party had started at 9PM, and they had a large screen projector TV on the stage running non-stop porn movies, and most of the movies had been of women getting throat fucked, cummed on, and otherwise degraded. I started out on my couch in the corner, waiting for guys to get horny from either watching the movies or from the live show the 2 girls on stage were putting on with each other and didn't wait long.
But unlike the previous nights I'd worked when the guys wanted to be blown facing the couch with their backs to the room, the first guy asked me to kneel on the carpet instead, so I took a pillow from the couch and did, and when he dropped his pants and I took him in my mouth and started sucking him, other guys came over and sat on the couch a few feet away to watch and make comments and laugh, and I was also hearing catcalls from the room since now I was in full view of everyone.
I was using my tongue and lips to make him cum as quickly as possible and all of a sudden he reached down, held my head, and pushed his cock into my throat and grunted. I gagged, and then choked as some of his sperm went down my windpipe, and he let go of my head having finished spurting. A lot of the guys laughed as I caught my breath and swallowed down his thick goo, and as he stepped away another took his place.
The next guy was black, and very large, and the best I could do was get maybe half of his cock in my mouth so I reached up to stroke his shaft while I sucked, but he'd already began stroking himself so I worked on his cockhead with my mouth and tongue. After a few minutes he was groaning a little and I knew he'd be soon and got ready, but all of a sudden he pulled out of my mouth and stroked twice and a virtual deluge of cum erupted into my face, landing first in my eye socket and then pulsing onto my forehead, cheeks, and open lips. He backed off, and I reached up to scoop the cum from my eye, but being on the floor I had no tissues so I flicked it onto the floor away from me. And the audience roared with laughter.
The tone for the evening was now set, and for the next couple of hours 10 more guys offered me their cocks and while most of them wanted to release themselves into my mouth, 2 others painted my face and hair with their sperm, so I was dripping and sticky. And when on previous nights, on the couch, I'd been able to discreetly spit their sperm out into tissues, this night I couldn't so I was swallowing it all, and it was disgusting.
The last guy of that group had a fairly wide cock about 8 inches long, and after I'd been sucking him for several minutes he grabbed my head tightly and began to violently move my mouth back and forth over his cock quickly. I tried to pull loose but couldn't and I began to gag as he held my head with my lips against his pubic hair and flooded my gullet with thick goo, and I couldn't help it and vomited a little, and some of the cum in my stomach mixed with my digestive fluids and his cum came back up and out of my nostrils, and as he quickly pulled back, drained, a large pool of those juices slid down my chin as well.
I kneeled there for several minutes, head down, calming my stomach as many of the guys openly laughed at me. Then I got up and walked away to the ladies room, where I used damp paper towels to remove the cum and some vomit from my face, chest, clothes, and hair. I peed, then fixed my makeup and combed my hair in the mirror and finally sat back down on the toilet, not wanting to go back out there. After a few minutes, the door opened slightly and a male voice said 'You OK in there?' 'I'm OK, just a little rough out there tonight'
He came walking in, and I saw it was the bouncer, a very large black guy. 'I can help you out with the rough stuff' he said 'if you help me out' Another barter, I thought, but I said 'It's a deal' and he unzipped and pulled out a still soft 8" dick, and I motioned him over and took him in my mouth, got him wet, then hard to a full 10", and then worked on his cockhead till me moaned and spicy hot sperm began filling my mouth in a steady stream. It kept pouring in and I had to swallow before he was done (no spitting this one out, I thought), but he was finally done, and at least he'd been soft about it. 'Come see me beginning of shift from now on' he said, and I replied 'OK, I will'
I got up and went back outside, saw that the couch area was still crowded and sighed, but dropped to my knees again by request and began blowing the remainder of the guys. The very first one grabbed my head again and started getting rough, but the bouncer was right over and told him to cool it 'No hands, or you're out of here'. So the final 11 guys of the night didn't try to fuck my throat, but 6 of the 11 pulled out before they came and erupted onto my face and hair, drawing huge roars of laughter from the spectators, and by the time the last guy had drained himself into or onto me I was covered with sticky sperm, I could barely see through it and it was sliding down my neck and chest and I could feel some ropy strands hanging from my chin. The lights went on and the place quickly emptied, and I went to the bathroom to clean up as best I could but the cum in my hair was already drying and my top was soaking wet and sticky and already crusting.
In the car, I turned the ignition and noticed I was almost out of gas. I considered just buying some, but the bills still weren't paid up, so I went over to my usual gas station, left the car at the pump, and went into the filthy restroom and waited, my feet on the urine damp floor. And a few minutes later the attendant came in, not the disgusting daytime guy, but maybe even worse, just as fat, and his body odor was as bad as I'd ever smelled. He pulled out his cock, which tasted absolutely gross in my mouth, urine, sweat, and gasoline, and I worked as quickly as I could, holding back a gag reaction, till he began spewing in my mouth. I started to shift his sperm from my tongue to my cheek but it was so bitter and nasty tasting that it was better to just quickly swallow it, which I did, and a few minutes later I was heading back to my car. As I walked across the parking lot I felt somewhat nauseous, and all the cum I'd ingested that evening was sloshing in my stomach. And as I started up my car I made a vow to definitely find a better gas station ... soon.
But I was soon home, the night was over at least, and I breathed a sigh of release as I threw the locks on the door. But before I could take a step there was a knock, and I reopened the door to see my landlord standing there, with a new bestiality video in his hand. I sighed and opened the door, and he walked in and headed for the VCR as I lowered myself to my knees in front of the couch.
And yet again the phrase went through my head - Life's a bitch, then you blow.
If you liked this story, drop me a line: feliciatvnj@hotmail.com