Life So Hard By: advocatus diaboli
30 minutes, a blink of an eye 30 minutes, to alter our lives 30 minutes, to make up my mind 30 minutes, to finally decide
"30 Minutes" by t.A.T.u.
Chapter #4
The last thing I remember before I blacked out was me collapsing to the ground and Brian desperately trying to hold me up. I think I was able to give him my cell phone from my hand and I might have even been able to tell him to call Dad. I really hope he did, because Father was really the only person that knew the full extent of my medical history.
The next thing I remember is lying in a bed. A bed? How could I be in a bed? I was last slumped up against a locker, gasping for breath. No, no. I can't be in a bed. This is all wrong, this is not good. Not good at all. I wasn't ready to open my eyes yet, I wanted to try and get my bearings first. Ok, so I'm lying in a bed. What do I feel? My muscles are all sore. Everywhere in my body. It's a dull ache right across the board. As someone famously said, "my everything hurts."
Wait? What is this? Someone is holding each of my hands. Well, that's silly. Someone can't be holding both my hands at the same time, that's nearly impossible, at the very least extremely uncomfortable. The hand on my left is definitely my father's, I can feel it. The hand on my right... I'm not so sure. Elizabeth's? It has to be, who else could it be?
I slowly began to open my eyes, and call out to my father. I whispered, barely able to talk, "Dad? Is that you? I need you. I need to know what's going on." My eyesight was blurry. I couldn't make out the figures watching over me. I recognized my father leaning over me, but I didn't realize who the other person was. Their hair wasn't blonde, like Elizabeth's, so who was it? "Who are you?" I asked, in a dazed whisper. The figure replied, "Its Brian. I've pretty much been here since you got here. Do you know where you are?" Before I could try to process what he asked me and come up with an answer, he answered his own question. "Your at Hepburn Heights General. It's been 3 days, it's Monday. This all started on Thursday, 4 days ago."
"Why aren't you in school? I asked. My voice was getting stronger. "Its 6pm. School's been out for hours now." He replied, smiling at me. He leaned down and whispered to me, "It would be worth it to miss school to be here when you woke up, though."
That made me smile; maybe he did feel the same way I was feeling. I'm still trying to figure my own feelings out for him, but this was a sign that he was in the same general direction as me. With a smile still on my face, I turned to my Dad. "It came back." I said that as a statement, more then as a question. We had hoped the doctors had got the entire tumour when I was young, but we both knew this day would likely come. "How bad is it?"
His face grew stern. "I won't get into much detail, that's for the doctor to discuss with you. But, what I am going to say is, you got rushed to the ER where they had to operate immediately. You had stopped breathing for a few minutes, and they needed to remove the cancer tumour immediately. They feared the lack of oxygen to your brain had caused brain damage, so they induced a coma. You've just woken up from it for the third time. This is the longest you've been awake, though. So, hopefully this is it."
I put my head on my pillow and sighed, taking it all in. I lay there, thinking about all the things my dad had just told me. I couldn't help it, I started to cry. It was all so overwhelming. My Dad started to stroke my hair and tell me it would be all ok. I looked over at Brian and a wave of embarrassment hit me. "I'm sorry, Brian. You didn't need to see that..." I mumbled.
"See what? The fact that you just went through a hell of a lot of stress and you're scared? Don't worry; I'd be doing the exact same thing in your position. Just remember, your Dad will always be there for you. You have people that care for you, some care very deeply."
I found what he was saying very comforting, until he said the last thing. That stung, because I knew he wasn't talking about himself. No way could he care for me, he barely knew me.
Almost like he was on cue, the doctor walked in. "Ah! Andrew, I was hoping you'd be awake by now. I'm Dr. Roberts. Are you going to be staying with us permanently this time?" He chuckled. "Don't worry; it's pretty common to fade in and out. So, how do you feel?"
"Like crap," I replied, honestly. "All my muscles hurt. It's not a sharp pain; it's more of a dull and throbbing pain."
"Yeah, we were expecting that. The lack of oxygen to your body when you stopped breathing did some damage. We're going to have to rebuild the strength in your arms and legs." Dr. Roberts turned to my Dad and Brian and asked them, "Can you please give me Andrew and I a few minutes alone? I need to talk to him about some personal things."
"Sure Doctor." My Dad replied, leading Brian out of the room. I heard the door close a few moments later. "Andrew," Dr. Roberts said to me, in a calm voice, "we noticed some fading bruises on your shoulder and ribs, what happened?"
"Nothing!" I got defensive, "I just...uh, fell down the stairs a little while back and everything's fine. Ok?"
"Sure, ok." He looked at me, unconvinced. "There are a few other things I need to talk to you about. Your body's been through a lot of trauma in the past few days. You have to take it easy, especially watching your breathing patterns. We don't anticipate too much trouble, but you still need to be careful. No extreme exercises, of any kind?" He looked at me, wondering if I understood what he was trying to say to me.
I got what he was trying to say and replied, unenthusiastically, "Yes, doctor..."
"Yeah, I know... it sucks, but that's all we can do. Also, some other important things, for the duration of your stay with us, about a week, I don't want you to shower alone. You can wear shorts or something, to... you know, but it's just too risky. You could fall, bang your head. Too many things can go wrong, ok? Actually, when your Dad comes back in, I want you to go and have one."
"Yes, Dr. Roberts." I said.
"Good. I'm going to let your Dad and Brian back in." He walked over to the door and opened it, "come back in you two." There was a pause, then he said, "Oh, ok. Business stuff? That's a shame; I needed to discuss some things with him. But, you're more then welcome to come back in."
Brian walked into the room and sat beside me. "Everything ok?" he asked, with genuine concern in his voice.
I took a deep breath, and spoke very carefully. "The doctor says I need to take a shower now."
He curled up his nose, in a cute way, and replied, "Hell yes! I was trying to be polite, but dude, you stink!" He stuck his tongue out at me.
"Well...umm..." I wasn't sure how to say this, "He says I can wear shorts and stuff, but umm... he wants me to have, well... help..." I waited, watching his reaction. Did I just make a big mistake?
"Ok, sure. Anything, dude. Before we go do that, I got a question for you."
"Sure, shoot. Not much else can get embarrassing considering what we're about to do."
His face turned red with embarrassment and he asked me, very softly, "Are you gay?"
"Wh...Wha...What are you asking me that for?" I stuttered, in nervous shock.
"Well, it's just that..." He trailed off, as he adjusted himself in the seat, trying to get comfortable. "It was about 11am on Friday, your Dad was at work. You came to, and asked what was going on. I told you that it was me here with you, your Dad was gone to work and that you were in the hospital. You smiled, and said you were glad it was just the two of us here..."
"Oh, I see." I said, very nervously.
"Yeah, you asked me if I'd catch you."
"Catch you..?" I asked, confused.
"Yeah, catch you if you fell for me."
Oh God. Oh. My. God. No way had I said that. No freakin' way. Damn. This is where he says that he is leaving, outing me at school and never wants to talk to me again. Sadness overwhelmed me, and tears started to form in my eyes.
He leaned in and put his mouth beside my ear. I could feel his hot breath on my skin. "Shh... it's ok," he gently whispered. His voice was so soothing, I began to relax. "I like you a lot... A hell of a lot. Of course I'll catch you. I want to be with you for a very long time, Andrew. Now, I don't mean to end this love-fest, but you stink." He slowly moved away and walked over to the other side of the bed. "Let's get you up, dear."
He retracted the bed guard thing and helped me get out of bed. As I moved my legs off the bed and put them on the ground, pain shot through my legs. I couldn't help but grit my teeth and let out a low growl of pain. "It's ok, sweetie. We'll take our time. I nodded, "I'm ok, let's do this." I slowly began to put weight on my feet and stood up. I was shaky, but was standing. Breathing, while lying on your back is far different then when you're standing up. When I was lying down, my breathing wasn't very strained. Now, standing up, I could feel my battered lungs trying to get the oxygen pumping through my body.
Brian, with a look of concern on his face asked, "Are you ok? Want me to get the doctor?" I reassured him, "I'm fine. This is just a little weird, getting used to it." He nodded and helped me walk over to the washroom.
The washroom was surprisingly big. I suppose it has to be, though. After all, it needs to fit wheelchairs and all those kinds of things. Lying on the counter by the sink was a pair of shorts. I grabbed them and turned to him, "Can you please give me a minute? I won't lock the door, promise." He nodded and left the bathroom.
It took me a few minutes, and it hurt, but I managed to get the shorts on. It was exhausting, so I put the seat down on the toilet and sat down. After I'd caught my breath, I told Brian to come in. He opened the door a crack and asked, "Are you decent?" I reassured him that I had my shorts on and I was ready. The door flew open and he rushed over to me. He knelt down beside me and put his hands on my face. He looked me right in the eyes; I thought he was going to kiss me. "I was so worried. I had to stop a dozen times from barging in. Are-"
I couldn't help it, he was beautiful. I wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying, my attention was on his lips. They were amazing, so sweet and tender. They were teasing me. I leaned in and kissed him. My lips pressed against his, and I could feel his surprise. Before long though, I could feel him return the kiss with passion. We stood up and I began to rub my hands over his back. I could feel his muscles from under his shirt. My tongue began to make its way into his mouth, as his made its way into mine. It must have been a minute or two before he finally broke it off. "Wow!" That's all I managed to say as I rested my head on his shoulder, trying to catch my breath.
Silently, I moved in the direction of the shower. I began to lift my leg up, to step into the shower, so Brian held my arm to steady me. I lifted my other leg in, with no issues. Brian reached for the knob and turned it to the hot water setting. Naturally, it was cold water that came out initially. I got blasted with a jet of ice cold water for a minute or two until it finally began to warm up. He had turned it up really high, so I cranked it down a bit until I found it comfortable. "How do you want to do this?" He asked.
"Usually, I work my way down, but I don't know how much I can help you. My stamina is shot. It's taking all my energy to just stand." He nodded and began to wet my hair. After it was thoroughly soaked, he shampooed up his hands and began to run his hands through my hair. I tell you, it was one of the best feelings I've ever had. I began to quietly moan. "Like that?" He said, shooting a smile in my direction. "I can't say I don't." I replied, clearly embarrassed. He rinsed out my hair, and began to soap up my chest. By no means am I ridiculously muscular, but I'm not exactly hurting in that department, either. Brian seemed to notice, and took extra effort to soap up my chest. It felt so good; I became increasingly aware of the growing bulge in my shorts. He gasped when he saw the big scar running down the right side of my body.
I saw his reaction and began to explain, "That's from the first operation, when the cancer first reared its ugly fucking head." He nodded in understanding and continued to soap me up, making the wise decision to not pushing the subject any further. His hands moved all the way to the waistline of my shorts. I sensed his hesitation, but he continued his task. Instead, moving to my back. He to, noticed the minor tenting of my shorts. Again, I sensed his hesitation as his hand moved along the waistband. He worked his way up my back and gave special attention to my shoulder blades. My shoulder was still a little sore from what David did to me, but I shook off the pain, and didn't say anything.
He helped me rinse off, and once we were finished he looked at me and said, "Well, I guess you need some time alone, to, err, take care of some things." He seemed a little disappointed.
I was scared, thinking about what I was going to do. But, I acted confident, hiding my immense nervousness. "No, it's ok, buddy. If you don't mind. I don't think I can do this properly without some help, and I can't think of a better person to help me. Ok?"
His eyes lit up, I could tell he was happy and excited. I put my hands on the waistband of my shorts. With slight hesitation, I pulled them down. I watched them drop to the floor. Here I was, buck naked in front of the guy that I had a serious crush on, and had only met a few weeks before. I knew he was staring at it, before I even looked up. It's nothing special, really. At this point, I was semi-hard and kinda just flopping around. At my best, I'm about 7 inches, and I got a patch of brown pubic hair at my base. My face was bright red with embarrassment, and when I looked at his, it was of pure ecstasy. He clearly was enjoying the sight. His hands had fallen beside him, so I gently took my hands and guided his down to me. With the bar of soap in his hands, and his hands in mine, we began to soap up. First, we soaped up my hair, and then began to move down my shaft. It felt so good, that my erection got completely hard. As our hands began to move up and down it, I began to moan again. His hands began to work their way around to my backside. I could feel his hands working their magic on my bum. I was surprised when his hands began to move towards my crack. "Don't...you...think..." is all I managed to say in between gasps for air.
He began to move his hands up, until they were holding my face. He leaned in and gave me the tenderest kiss possible. "Let's get you back to bed."
With Brian's help, I rinsed up, dried off and got my hospital gown back on. We made our way back into the room and I laid down on the bed. I shuffled over, so there was room for him to lie down beside me. "Come, watch t.v. with me." I said, patting the empty space beside me. His face was glowing as he made his way over and lay down beside me. I grabbed the remote and flicked on the news, to CNN. "Hope you don't mind the news."
"As long as I'm with you, I don't mind anything." He whispered, as he reached for my hand and held on tight.