Well, here's part three. I hope you all are still reading. All the same stuff applies so... on with the story. Oh, I would like to think all of those people who have sent me so much stuff telling me they like the story. I am loving that! Thanks to those great people that I have come to love on the Josh/Justin list on eGroups and those wonderful folks at Nifty. So, on that note, see you laters.
Let The Sun Fall Down Part 3
"Lance, can I ask you something?" Justin sat in Lance's room, on his bed while Lance searched for something to wear. They had all planned to go out and celebrate the finish of their first record and its release. Lance and Justin were still young, but they still planned to have fun.
"Yeah, sure. Go right ahead." Lance smiled at Justin quickly before going back to his closet.
"Um... how do you... I mean," Justin was interrupted as Lance held up another outfight, holding up the clothes against his wife-beater and boxers. Justin shook his head slightly is disapproval before going on. "How do you feel about you know, gay people?" Justin's question made Lance look up from his big clothes pile.
"Excuse me?" Lance asked not sure he had heard Justin right.
"You know, me and you have similar families, both are religious and all. And I know the whole sin factor and stuff, but I just... I don't know if that is how I feel." Justin said softly, almost as if he was ashamed he had brought it up. But for the past four months, the only thing that seemed to occupy his mind was JC, and Tony, and JC and Tony, and them being gay. It was just something Justin had never really thought of. He always knew what being gay was, but he had never known anyone who was. Technically, he still didn't considering JC had yet to tell him. He had no idea that Justin already knew. But that was only technically.
"Well, Justin, I, personally, think you have a good thing going then. I don't believe that being gay is anything big." Lance began to move over and sit next to Justin. Somewhere along the line, Lance seemed to have thought Justin was asking because Justin was gay. So, Lance wanted to make sure that even though he was straight, he didn't care. "I would still be someone's friend if they were gay. It wouldn't change anything at all. It makes no difference to me. At all. Is there, um, something you want to tell me?" Lance put his arm around Justin's shoulders to make sure Justin knew he didn't care if he was gay. He never would have guessed, but hey, he didn't know.
"What? No, I was just curious. It doesn't have to do with anything, just... I got to thinking." Justin didn't catch on that Lance suspected anything, the wrong thing or the right.
"Well, like I said, I'm here for you." Lance squeezed his shoulder quickly before getting back up and walking over to finish getting ready.
`That's good. I'm glad he feels the same way I do. I don't want this to be a big thing. I love Josh and I don't want that to change. I don't care what him and Tony do... as long as he is happy.' Justin smiled before walking out.
"I know... I'm sorry. I didn't know, if I would have known I would have done something, helped you..." Tony was cut off short.
"But you were right." JC's face came up from Tony's shoulder and looked him deep into his eyes. "You told me, the night I left for Europe. You told me how this would turn out, that I would hurt in the end. I didn't want to listen. I thought things could get better. I thought..." JC stopped and looked at Tony. "I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't have come here." The sentence was cut off when Tony spoke next.
"No. This is the first place you should have come. And I'm glad that you came here... glad that you are here now. I wouldn't have it any other way." Tony reassured JC before helping him up from the couch and into the bed he had been given.
"Thank you Tony. I will always love you for everything you have done for me. But," JC's eyes were closing and sleep would soon take over. "You knew then... you were right." Tony shut his eyes too... out of regret that he had ever spoken those words out of anger or whatever, and that they would turn out to be right.
"It's nice of you to do this. I appreciate it." Tony's words held no sarcasm, but JC couldn't help but hear it. But, hey, he half expected it so maybe that had something to do with it.
"Tony, I know..."
"No," Tony's words interrupted JC as they usually did when things got like they were. "This is nice. Let's just leave it there for now." Tony started to cut into his chicken that JC had made. He had come over to find a dinner for just him and JC. It was nice. That was all he could really say. JC nodded at Tony's words and ate. They would talk later, right now, they would both pretend that things were fine. JC wasn't leaving tomorrow, they weren't drifting apart, Josh wasn't going to say what they both knew he would.
"Tony, you are going to leave tonight and never say it. I can' go like that. I don't want it to end like this." JC was crying. Tony knew that would happen. But he didn't want it to end at all, especially not like this.
"Fine... you wanna talk about it, talk. TALK!" Tony stood up from his position and looked straight at JC. "Tell me all about it. Tell me about your great new opportunity, tell me how they can make you feel good enough when I obviously couldn't. Tell me what HE can give you that I missed out on." Tony's explosion was sudden but hardly surprising. JC knew it had come to this. And he knew, it was all his fault.
"Tony, it's not like that. I swear." JC's eyes pleaded the truth.
"But it is. It might not be like I say, but it is close enough. And one day... one day it will be like that. One day, you will feel all the things that you can't feel for me, one day you will see in him everything I see in you. And one day," Tony picked up his bag that had all his stuff that he had left over at this house, this empty shell he was leaving and started to walk out. "You will tell him all the things you could never say to me," Tony turned back one last time. "And he'll hate you for it." And with that, Tony was gone, out of JC's life.
"Did you all really know?" The silence was broken by Justin's faint voice. They were all, once again, gathered around the cordless phone that sat on the blank coffee table waiting for someone who knew where their fifth had gone. Chris looked at Joey, Joey looked and Lance, Lance looked back at Chris, and then they all turned to Justin. That was all the answer Justin needed. He sighed loudly. "How stupid am I!" No one knew if Justin was talking to himself or the others, but everyone stayed silent. "Tell me, please, what did he say to you?" Justin had only recently wanted to know what his best friend had left out. JC had told him something, but he had a feeling there was a lot left unsaid when JC took off, and maybe his other three best friends could fill in something.
"Um," Joey started off. "He never actually told me. I did assume though... always figured. I dunno. It wasn't a surprise when I found out. But yeah, I found out from Chris when I asked him if he ever thought anything of you and him." Joey turned to Chris to let him continue the story.
"Yeah, Joe came to me and I told him I knew that JC felt something for you. I, um, kinda found a note one time. It was really early after our first tour ended. We had all come back to Orlando you know, then we started drifting back home. Well, me and JC were the last ones left to leave. I had some stuff for FuManSkeeto and JC was in the studio every second of every day. He stayed with me awhile and I found a piece of paper in his room after he left. I don't think he ever intended anyone to read it. It was a good- bye letter. And part of it... most of it, was solely to you Just. He... poured his heart out in that letter. After that, I always drug JC wherever we all went, no matter how much he wanted to stay and sleep. I didn't want him to be alone after that. I would have said something if I ever thought something was still wrong. He has been so... I dunno, normal for so long." They all nodded as Justin took in this information.
"So, he never told anyone of you personally? You just kinda found out?" Joey and Chris nodded their heads but Lance stayed silent. All eyes were on him.
"He told me how he felt. It was about three months ago." Lance was scared, knowing that he, out of everyone, had a chance to prevent this very moment. "I, um, went to go see if he wanted to watch a movie with me. Joey and Chris," Lance stated looking at the two, "had gone off clubbing yet again and you... you had gone on a date. It was with the one girl that you met at the radio show we did for 106.7. Me and JC were the only ones left so I figured we could spend some time together. I knocked on his door a lot and he never answered, but I knew he hadn't left. So, I went in anyway and I found him, asleep like usual. But this time, he had tear stains on his pillows and down his checks and it was obvious he had done a good amount of crying before he ever got to sleep." Justin simply looked at Lance, wanting to know everything that came out of that bass voice.
Lance looked over at JC, wanting to cry just because he could tell JC had been crying. `What could be wrong with him? He is always so moody now, always so withdrawn. If Justin wasn't able to bring him out every once in awhile I would be worried. But here I am, and now that I see this, I AM worried.' Lance decided to go along with his plan, to ask JC if he wanted to watch a movie with him. He gently poked at the man's body that lay beneath him until JC started to stir.
"Huh? Justin? Is it time to get up?" JC asked, his throat dry and barely audible. Lance smiled. `At least his always ready to work.'
"No, Josh, it's me, Lance. I was just wondering," JC sat his back against the headboard as he woke up. "I didn't mean to wake you up, but I didn't really wanna be alone tonight since everyone else took off and I wanted you to come watch a movie with me." Even in the dark room, JC could see Lance's sweet smile and flushed cheeks that he got every time he asked for something. JC could never say no to Lance, not when he looked like that. He sighed a second, thinking about Justin and his date and his feelings and crying himself to sleep and...
"Lance, I would love to get out of this room. What movie did you say we were watching?" JC smiled as he climbed out of the bed and pulled Lance along with them.
Somewhere, in the middle of the movie, the two men had stopped watching and just started talking. That was when Lance asked.
"JC, I um, in your room I know you cried yourself to sleep." Lance almost didn't get it out. JC looked pained that someone knew but he kept it up good. He didn't even try to lie about it.
"So, I mean, everyone does it from time to time. Are you saying you've never done it?" JC knew the question would get Lance, he knew Lance had done it. He had to of. He was just that kind of person. Lance nodded in understanding but didn't back down.
"For one, I haven't in a long time and two... there is always a reason. Talk to me please!" Lance pleaded with JC, moving closer to him and resting his arm around the back of JC. JC looked at him and shook his head. He never said anything. He changed the subject five different times before Lance gave up, sure he wouldn't say anything. And Lance knew he couldn't make him. And then... he said it.
"You know, Justin said he would never date a fan." It was a short sentence, that had come out of nowhere. It might have been odd to hear except for Lance's previous question so he sat and listened. This had to be what was bothering JC. "He said they would never know the real him, that they would not be dating him, but Justin Timberlake of `Nsync. But now look, he's out there." JC wanted so much to add that Justin was out there, but he was here alone, but couldn't. That would reveal to much and he had done that already.
"Well, it gets lonely out on the road. And even when we come home, things are never the same. And nobody wants to be alone." Lance didn't catch it right away. He didn't realize what was really bothering JC, not yet.
"But still, he's not alone. Anytime he ever needed someone... I was there. I always did what he wanted to do, went where he wanted to go... why can't that be enough." See, that's where it hit Lance. The bells went off, the fireworks exploded, and the sun rose to shine light on JC.
After a minute or tow just sitting there Lance dared to guess the truth. "You love him don't you?" Lance's voice was low, like if he didn't say it loud enough he didn't really say it, but Josh heard. His head snapped to rest on Lance.
"Wh.. What! That's ridiculous. That's... that's the stupidest thing I have ever heard of. Me... in love with Just. Yeah, that would happen." JC had a smile on his face, but it was fake and the tears that threatened to come out again called him on that. Lance sat up, put his arms around JC, and did the only thing he could, held JC.
"After he calmed down, he told me everything. He said that he was in love with you. It was that plain and simple. He told me when he realized it and how he left perhaps the one person that would ever love him back to be with you." Lance could tell his words hurt Justin, but he wanted to know the truth, no, he needed to know. But Lance held things that would ease the pain, or at least held the chance to. "But Justin, he said it was worth it. He cares so much for you and he knew you would never feel the same. He just wanted to be near you, that was enough for him. He knew it couldn't be anything more." As Lance said those words, everything that was happening made him think. He looked at Chris and Joey before going back to Justin. "Justin, now that you know... from us and from JC himself, the only question left is how do you feel about JC? You two... the line has always been blurred and it hasn't always been from him. Do you... I mean, are you in love with JC too?
TBC So, I hope people are still reading. I'm sorry this one took so long. Well, let me know things. :) C-ya.