Chapter 6
Rob:
WO! What was that about! My Gosh, I have just kissed a 17 year old! What am I doing!!!
"I -- er -- I mean -- I -- um--" well, this was not going at all well! "Lenny -- I don't know what to say. Maybe first I should say thanks! Heh. That was definitely from your heart!"
"Au contraire, mon ami!" Lenny said to me. "I think it came from somewhere further down from the heart! Sorry!"
"Don't be sorry, Lenny," I replied, "but let's think about this a little, k?"
Actually I felt sorry!
"I have just discovered -- or admitted -- that I am -- attracted -- to guys - - "
"GAY!" blurted Lenny.
"Yeah -- uh -- gay. DAMN, that's hard to say! Anyway, I don't want to give you the wrong idea. I don't plan on being -- and I'm NOT -- promiscuous. I have known and loved Seth for years. We have had a very special relationship for years! We have slept together numerous times, and never done anything!"
(well, technically!)
"And I know now that BOTH of us wanted to! So what we did was a culmination of that. He has a lover -- Luke -- and I don't intend on breaking them up. We talked about this and decided we don't want to continue this stuff."
"I see." Lenny said.
"And Lenny, I -- really -- think you are a cute guy - - "
"Aw, you don't need to fuck with me."
"No really! You are a little young, to be sure -- but aren't you going to the university?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, that shows a bit of maturity on your part. I am still going too. And I don't feel like I am 22 years old! I still feel like a teenager. Nevertheless, I think we should go kind of slow. What do you think?"
Lenny did not speak for quite a while. I was worried I had really offended him. Finally, he said, "Okay, I have some -- er -- explaining -- confessing -- to do! I have a boy friend!"
"OH GOD!" I blurted out. "Sorry, but my gosh! Now I AM sorry!"
"Noooo! It's not your fault!" Lenny retorted. "I'm the one who `attacked' you! How could you know?"
Lenny
It started to rain. Rob quickly put the top up and closed the darkened windows. Suddenly we had complete privacy, as the windows quickly fogged up with the humidity in the air.
Rob said, "Listen, are you really very hungry?"
Now I was a little embarrassed. "Well, not -- really. I -- uh -- I had a huge meal already." He gave me a bewildered look. "I just wanted to get away from home. I feel like my dad is getting closer to guessing my secret."
"So -- you parents don't know?" Rob asked.
"Not even a clue -- well that is until I brought home that sax. A gift from a guy I barely met! Maybe I am being paranoid, but - -"
"Does your dad know that it is a gift?"
"Ye -- well not exactly."
"What does, `not exactly' mean?"
"I lied and told him that Rennie loaned it to me."
"Okay. Yes!"
"Yes what?"
"You ARE being paranoid" He smiled.
"Oh. Okay." I tried to look outside, but the car was completely fogged up.
Something felt funny. Everything was too quiet outside. Even the birds stopped singing. My eyes locked onto his. I felt like I was being drawn into them! Our heads moved closer. Our faces tilted in opposite direction.
Our lips were millimeters apart.
"What was that!" Rob straightened up and looked embarrassed. So was I.
"What?" I replied.
"Felt like an earthquake!" he said not too convincingly. "We probably better get over to the hospital."
"There's plenty of time." I offered.
"Yeah, but - - - It's probably not good to just sit here and - - - we can talk if we need to in the waiting room."
"You're right." I said feeling guilty as hell and at the same time strangely disappointed.
When we walked into the hospital, Chris was walking out. "Mom and Dad are in the room with him now. I was just coming out here to call you." He said.
"Any change?" Rob said.
"Not really. Since he would not respond to the therapist, he didn't stay long. Glad you are back!"
"Has he still been asking for Lenny?" Rob asked.
"Yes, a couple times!" Said Chris, looking at me strangely.
"Hi, Chris. Any idea why he wants me?"
"Not a clue! I was -- we were -- hoping maybe you could tell us. Luke is really torn up about this, and I know it hurts him that Seth is asking for you!"
"I can't imagine!" I said defensively. "We never did anything!" (It wasn't that I didn't want to!) I studied with him a bit and also kind of babysat him once or twice, to give Luke a break."
"Lets go into his room." Chris said, evenly.
We hurried to Seth's hospital room. As we walked in, the therapist followed us and Seth was moving around a bit. His eyes were closed. His mom was beside him, looking very worried -- as a mom would. He was mumbling. Then he said it;
"Lenny? I can't. I -- just -- it's - - "
All eyes were on me! I felt accused somehow! I walked to his bed. I said, "Hey, dude! How are you doing?"
No response except for some shaking of his head.
The doctor told me, "Call him by name, son. Speak loudly and with authority, and tell him who you are. Touch him."
I took his hand. "Seth?" I said, shyly.
"NO!" the doctor instructed. "Be forceful. Not mean, but -- with authority!"
I squeezed his hand, and then called out to him. SETH! It's me! LENNY!"
He sat bolt straight up in his bed, his eyes popped open and he stared blankly at me. Shaken, I let his hand go. Then he flopped back down onto the bed, his eyes closed as before. He looked a little less agitated than when I came in. Almost peaceful now.
I looked at the doctor. I said, "Is that it? Is that what you expected?"
"I think you got his attention, son." He said smiling a bit. Just talk to him now.
I took his hand again. This time I was more gentle. Seth, I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can, I -- er -- I am here for you. Can you hear me, little dude?"
"Of course I can." He said simply. His eyes opened and he was looking up at me. "What are you doing here, Lenny? Sorry, that was rude! But -- wait a minute! This is not my -- this is a hospital room! What hap -- where's Luke??"
Luke approached the bed. His eyes were filled with tears. They looked at each other for a long moment. "I thought - " Luke was choking. "Sob I thought we were -- that I was -- going to lose you, Haoli!"
"Why? What happened?"
"A blood clot -- in your chest. You passed out almost a week ago. Stopped breathing. Rob gave you CPR, then an ambulance came. Dude I have not slept for almost a week!"
Then Seth saw his mom. "Mom! Dad! You came!"
"Did you think we wouldn't, Son?" His dad said. His mom was all over him crying and kissing him. "You really gave us a scare this time, Seth." His dad added.
Seth smiled weakly. "Hmh! You should be used to that!" he said weakly.
The doc spoke up. I think we should go out and let him sleep. He has been "sleeping" for a week, but now he can get some rest."
Seth's mom started crying. "I'm afraid to let him go back to sleep!"
"He'll be okay now." The doctor reassured.
Seth?" Chris said. "Why were you asking for Lenny?"
"Lenny? Wha --? Oh! Hi, Lenny. Thanks for coming, but - -" He looked all at once confused and exhausted.
"We can find out all these things later -- if he remembers." The doc said. "For now, lets get out of his room, k?"
Rob took me home. He thanked me, and drove off. It was not particularly late, but I was exhausted. I went straight up to bed.
Rennie
My folks left sometime really early the next morning. I knew they had given Renate the weekend off while they were gone so I didn't have to worry about wakin' up for breakfast so I slept in a little later... or so I thought.
When I woke up, thinking it was around 11, it was really only 8:07. The smell of bacon was wafting through the house. Bobby was cookin'. This is a rare treat. Bobby Cooking??? I mean Bobby is an awesome cook, he just never does it, but when he does! I flew down the stairs and hit the landing just in time to feel the effects of a minor earthquake. I ran into the kitchen and Bobby had made a full spread. pancakes, waffles, eggs, sausage, biscuits, everything.
Now I was worried. When Bobby cooks like this he has something on his mind. "Mornin' bro."
" Mornin' Bobby. What's up?"
"Did you just feel that aftershock?" He asked with a little more tension in his voice than I was comfortable with.
"Aftershock? Did I miss something?" He turned up the radio.
"We aren't able to gather the full scope of destruction wrought on downtown San Diego this morning. We have lost all contact with our reporters and the station. All we can do right now is pray. This is Patricia Lorenz signing out."
"It THAT what woke me up?? It must have - -- WAIT a minute! Did she say San Diego??" My mind started raging. The first thing I could think to do was pick up the phone. Dad always had his cell phone on him.
"I already tried, bro. All cell phones are out. The cell towers must have toppled or something."
"Then I'm going to San Diego!" I said grabbing my keys.
"Little Bro, All the major roads are blocked, or destroyed. Your dad will not want you out and in peril too. All we can do is wait. Joy will call when she can, and you know that your daddy and mommy are gonna call as soon as possible. So all we can do, all we WILL do is wait." He said with authority. "And eat. Grab a plate."
So we ate.
And waited.
Sometime around 10 we turned off the radio. We did all we could to pass the time. We played dominoes, checkers, chess, Uno and every other game we could possibly think of to keep our minds occupied. We finally gave up and turned on the TV. We tried to pay attention to each detail, but it was all sounding the same. We were on the couch in the living room. The sun was streaming in and reflecting off the pool, fatiguing my eyes. I fell asleep, and then over against Bobby's shoulder. I woke up at one time and my head was in his lap. He looked down on me, a little worried looking. He stroked my forehead and hair and I went back to sleep. When I woke up later, about 6:30 PM, we were stretched out together on the couch, I was cradled between Bobby's legs, and in his arms, my head was on his chest. We awoke to a rather insistent rapping on the front door. I went to check the peephole and almost before I could think was knocked over by a very frantic Renate.
"I'm so sorry my sweet little one!" She babbled. "I came as soon as I could. Have you heard anything yet?"
"No, ma'am. We think that the cell towers have been toppled or something. We've just been waiting here." Bobby said, as I was getting up off the floor.
"Well no use waiting on empty stomach!" She replied on her way to the kitchen. Unfortunately she didn't give us much time to explain before she stepped into the kitchen. "Jesus Mary and Joseph! My Kitchen!!!!!" (We hadn't gotten around to cleaning up after our large breakfast). Then she started mumbling something in German. Probably curses but we couldn't be sure.
Around 7:00 we heard the phone ring. Both Bobby and I raced to the phone, however Renate got there first.
"Good evening. Goodwin residence... Oh, it's just you. Lawrence!! It's your sweet boy.
My God! Even Renate knew! Heh! She was probably the first to know!
Lenny:
I felt so guilty about kissing Rob! He was just so delicious looking. I don't know. I am so confused. It has been such a short time since I met Rennie. But still, even though we were not "going together", we did have sort of an understanding. What made me feel worse, upon waking, was that I seemed to dream about Rob all night. I dreamed about holding him, and kissing him. His face kept getting mixed up with that boy that Seth fixed me up with -- his foster brother. We were having pretty hot sex, and each time I looked it changed from his face to Rob's and back. Never once was it Rennie's face! In my dream, I don't think he existed!
As soon as I woke up, I looked directly at my new saxophone. I felt extremely uncomfortable for some reason. After some thinking, I pieced my dream back together. Then I felt like shit! Ren said he would call, so I waited most of the day. Mom and Dad and I watched the tube most of the day, trying to hear about the news in San Diego. There was a huge earthquake there.
In the afternoon, I decided that maybe I would call Rennie. I hated myself both for the dream and for what I'd done with Rob the night before. I felt kind of perturbed that Rennie did not call. He KNEW I would be wondering how his little "talk" with his parents went. I dialed his number. After one ring, Renate answered, in her thick German accent. The way she answered, I could tell she was upset. How could she know that I was already hurting him -- behind his back!
"Good evening. Goodwin residence."
"Hello. This is Leonard. Can I talk to - "
"Oh, it's just you! Lawrence!! It's your SWEET boy." Wow! That sounded sarcastic! She must hate me!
As I waited, after Renate answered the phone, it occurred to me what Renate had said to Rennie. He must have told them.
"Lenny?!! Oh, I am so sorry!" Rennie said.
"`Bout what?" I said.
"Are you all right?" He asked me. I am sorry that I did not call you as I said I would! After I spoke to Mom and Dad, I hit the sack pretty early, and woke up to some pretty heavy news."
"Yeah! We have been watching the news all day! I suppose I should have called you, but -- I felt -- er -- I didn't want to bug you."
"BUG me!!??" You couldn't! Lenny, I -- ummmmm -- I'm -- I'm s-s-scared!" He said. I could hear him coughing -- like he was trying to control his emotions.
"What's wrong, Ren?"
"Lenny, my parents left early this morning to take Joy and my nephew to the Zoo -- the San Diego Zoo!"
"Yeah, that sounds like -- WHAT!!?? The earthquake is in San Diego! Oh Rennie! Have you heard from them?"
"No." He said, his voice shaking. "You'd think they could find a place to call!"
"The news has said that most of the phones are out. Doesn't your dad have a mobile phone?"
"HE does!" Rennie said.
"Oh." I said, feeling like my foot was stuffed down my throat. "Ren, can I come over?"
"Oh Gosh yes! I need you so much!"
"I'll be right there!" I hung up the phone. He needs me. I wonder if he would need me so much if he knew that - "
"Who were you talking to, Sweetie?" my mom asked.
"It was Rennie. I'm going over -- er -- can I go over to see him?"
"Of course. Why do you ask? It's Saturday afternoon. Will you be there for dinner?"
"I -- I don't know. I'll call you. His parents are in San Diego. They have not heard from them all day. Their housekeeper is there, and I suppose she will be cooking something. But I'm sure she hates me!"
O GOD! Why did I say THAT!!???
"Why would she hate you, Leonard?
SHIT! I may be better at getting out of things than Rennie, but I am sure I'm also "better" at getting in them!
"Oh! Well, she, uh, well, I mean - - -I don't know! I -- um -- think that -- um maybe she just is kind of that way and um - - "
"What way?"
"(SIGH!) She just is a very -- um - - well, she's German, and big, and -- um, OH! She's loud! Maybe that's all. She just seems to be -- er -- mean!"
"Well, I'm sure she doesn't mean to be."
(Doesn't she?)
"She probably is a very nice person when you get to know her, dear."
"I suppose," I mumbled, not really believing it.
"Well, drive carefully sweetie, okay?"
"I will, `Mommy'!" It was said sarcastically, but with love.
"Oh, that's right, you are 17, aren't you." It wasn't a question.
"Almost 18, Mom." I said, and then added, You know, Rennie's birthday is day after tomorrow. I wonder what I can get him."
"Is there a party?"
"I -- I haven't been invited to one. I doubt they are thinking about that right now."
"I'm sure you're right, Leonard. Well, anyway, if there is no party, then usually no gift is required. You did just meet him."
"Yeah, but after he gave me that saxophone, I feel like - "
"I thought your father told me he just loaned it to you."
SHIT! Boy, I am really blowing it today! "Oh, well, - um -- uh -- he actually said that I should keep it as long as I want -- he doesn't play it or want it."
"Your father says it's a very expensive instrument."
(Oh my God!) "Don't worry, I'll take good care of it -- I really should get over there -- see yah -- bye!"
I left before she could say anything more -- and before I could get any more of my foot in my mouth! I wondered if she would say anything to my dad. I wondered this until I pulled up in front of the Goodwin's. I got out of my car and started worrying - What could I say to them -- HIM! How could I - "
"Lenny!" Ren came running out of their front gate, and threw his arms around me. I was stunned! I looked around to see if any neighbors were nearby. "Are you okay, Lenny?"
"Oh, yeah! I just -- aren't you worried about your neighbors seeing us?"
"Not really. I've told my parents -- that was the hardest part. Well, actually it turned out to be the easiest! Come on in, I'll tell you about it as we wait and watch the news. Lenny, you have no idea how much this means to me! I had no idea, really until I laid eyes on you in the video surveillance camera. All of a sudden, my heart surged -- actually seemed to want to jump out of my chest."
"Wow!"
"Lenny, is -- is something -- uh -- wrong?"
"Yeah, but -- well, I -- uh -- I was so worried about telling you -- I mean - knowing what to say to you about your -- um -- your parents and all - - "
"Yeah! Well, we are pretty worried. But I feel much better now that you are here. Damn, I love you, Sexy Boy!"
I felt such a strong surge of guilt go through me! It just occurred to me. Guilt crowds out love! I knew that I loved him too, but I could not say it back -- and when he needed it the most!
"Well, let's go in the house and we'll deal with this the best we can." Was all I could manage.
"Oh! Okay." He did sound deflated. I am so screwed up!
We walked into the house. "Hello, lover boy!" She said it loud and accusing.
"Leave him alone, Renate." Len said. "He's here and I'm glad! Renate, I want to tell you something." Now Rennie sounded defiant! "I am gay -- and Lenny is my boyfriend!"
I almost shit a brick! I felt perspiration forming and I braced for the worst.
"I know it, baby." She said sweetly to Ren. Then she gave me a withering look. It was like somehow she knew! I smiled weakly back. We walked further into the entry and then I saw Bobby in the living room. He didn't look too good.
"Hi, Bobby. How -- how are you doin'?"
"Not so good, I'm afraid."
"I can imagine."
"Ren, maybe -- maybe I should go out and look for them."
"I thought," said Rennie, "that you said that was fruitless and we should wait to hear."
"That was this morning. They have had time to drive back by now, unless -- (SIGH) anyway, I think I'll start down that way, and - "
"Can't I go?" Rennie said, almost at the point of crying.
"I think that you should stay here and wait for word from them. If they call, tell them I will be on 101 coming into San Diego. And of course I will have my cell phone! Hopefully the intercom feature will work once I get closer. Maybe Lenny won't mind staying with you?" At that, he couldn't suppress a little smile.
"I'll do whatever I need to - to help." Finally, I felt like I was worth something -- for the first time today.
"You can eat something first!" Renate commanded. It was addressed to Bobby.
"No, Renate, I couldn't! I'm not hungry. Feed the guys and then you can go. Thanks for coming on your day off."
"What?" She sounded wounded! "I can stay!"
Bobby walked into the kitchen and whispered something to Renate. She looked defiant at first, then she looked tenderly at Ren and frowned at me. Then she said, "Hrmph!" and almost slammed the dinner on the table.
"I clean your mess from dis morning'. You boys can clean it from this meal!" And she stalked out the door.
"My God, Bobby!" Rennie said. "What did you tell her?"
"I told her to leave you two alone! I told her to stop picking on your - " He hesitated a moment then went on, "on Lenny. And I told her we would let her know of any changes that we hear about."
"Wow! You gonna be in deep shit when all this blows over!"
"I can handle Renate."
Just then she burst back in the door, headed straight for the kitchen, not looking at anyone and threw some snacks in a bag and rushed past Bobby, almost throwing them at him. She almost ran to the door, and slammed it on the way out.
"See?" Bobby said, "she loves me!" He grabbed a jacket and in about two minutes he followed her out the door.
"I guess we may as well eat some of this food." Rennie said.
"K" I responded.
"Lenny, what's wrong?"
Damn! Why can't I just act natural. Maybe this IS natural when you are guilty! What can I say? Well whatever, I took too long thinking about it!
"You -- you - " he clouded up. "You -- have you changed your mind about us?"
Rennie:
I don't know what is worrying me more: My family missing or this boy in front of me. I don't know if I am ready for the answer to that last question. And he is taking way too long to respond to it!
"Ren, I don't want to -- make things worse for you at this time! You have enough to worry about!"
"Oh. So there IS someone else." I couldn't help it. My eyes filled with tears.
"NOOOOOoooo! Rennie -- not -- not exactly!"
"Not exactly?"
"Rennie, I have been - " He paused again too long. "I've been eaten up by -- by -- guilt."
I stood there, stunned. What did he feel so guilty about? I felt like such a pussy, as the tears started to flow even more.
"NOOoo, Rennie, it's not as bad as -- well it's bad enough -- but - "
"Shit!" my voice broke. "Just tell me, dude!" I hollered at him.
"Okay. Two things first, though. First, I still love you as much as ever -- maybe more!" Lenny said. I felt relieved about that. I wondered what was next.
"Okay, three things. C'mere!" he continued. I obeyed. He wrapped himself around me. I felt warm and protected. Yet there was still his explanation.
"Now! The third thing is -- let's eat first. Or maybe you're not hungry?"
I looked up at him through my wet eyes. "Starved!" I croaked/laughed.
We ate in pretty much silence. I worried about what he would say. I could tell he was worried too. When we finished, and started to leave the table, he said, "Maybe we should wash the dishes!"
"NO!" I said more emphatically than I meant to. "No, let's just go into the living room and talk. He followed me and I went to the lift. I guess my subconscious had other ideas! "Hmh!" I mused. "Guess we're going to my room!"
As we rode the lift, He took my hand, and then pulled me into another hug. I put my head on his chest. We stood that way all the way up. The lift is not fast like the ones in the department stores. He petted my head like he was petting a cat. I felt him shudder, as he let out a giant sigh. The door opened, and I stepped out and across the hall to my room. Lenny followed.
As soon as we got into the room, I closed the door and then his eyes filled up. "Dude," I said, "What is it? Just say it!"
"Rennie, I kissed another guy last night." I didn't interrupt him. "Someone I don't even know -- or at least hardly know!"
I felt something die within me. But I said nothing. I felt my eyes glaze over.
"But, Ren, really, it was nothing!"
I sighed. "Well, tell me about it." I said.
Lenny:
The pained look on Rennie's face was almost more than I could bear. I broke down. I didn't mean it to, but that had the desirable effect. He got concerned and said, "Dude! How bad can it be! Is it worse than you have already told me?"
I got control and told him the whole story. He said, "I do remember him from my cousins party! He was one hot guy! What is he -- 25 or 26?"
"No," I replied, "I thought he was older too, but -- he's only 22!
"Okay," Rennie said, "I have to say, I am disappointed. But -- you made it seem so much worse before I finally dragged it out of you! Did you mean to do that, Dude?"
"No," I responded, "I really didn't. I just felt so shitty about doing it!"
"Okay, let's just say it was a mistake." Ren said. "Hey we're allowed one mistake, right?"
I smiled through my tears. "Does this mean that you now get to get even?"
"You better believe it!" Ren said. "I get a freebie now!"
"HEY! I didn't plan this -- or do it on purpose -- to hurt you!"
"Still I get one fuck-up, and you can't say a thing!"
Feeling bold, I said, "Hrmph! I'LL fuck you up!" and I tackled him! He was shorter by a head, but I did not outweigh him. He had me pinned on the floor in about five seconds. Then he put his mouth on mine. I worried a little about his parents, but I didn't want to ruin this relief for him. I kissed him back, and rolled over on top of him. He went limp and I pinned him! "HAH!" I crowed, "I got you!"
I wasn't prepared for what came next. With a burst of energy and strength he pushed me off and in half a second was lying face-up on the bed. "Now!" He started, "Think you can `get me' up here?"
"I think I'll give it my best shot!" I said, and I lay on top of him. He rubbed my back and started to grind his groin into mine. I kissed him again, more passionately than before -- more passionately than I ever kissed anyone! "Dude!" I said, "Last night was pure lust! This is lust too, but it is -- so much more! I love you so damned much!"
The sun was almost gone, and it was pretty dark. He reached up and switched on a light. "I wanna see you, Dude!" He pushed me over onto my side and then reached down and grabbed my t-shirt and removed it. I then removed his. His tanned body looked so beautiful and sexy! His hands on my smooth skin felt so hot! He rubbed my chest and stomach, and then fiddled with my tits enough to get them to stand up. Then he kissed me again and as our tongues mingled, soft and wet, he clumsily unbuttoned my pants and they pretty much unzipped themselves with all the pressure from the inside. He waited a moment, then guided my hand to his fly.
SO!!?? I was a little slow!
"Dude?' He said, "This is my first time. Sorry if I'm a little clumsy."
I took his shorts down and was surprised that he had no underwear on. He removed them the rest of the way, then removed mine as well. His brown body looked so dark next to my whiteness.
"I love your beautiful white skin!" he said, as if he were reading my mind.
We again came together in a full naked body hug -- Chest to chest, 'peepee to peepee'! He gently -- almost gingerly -- touched my boner. I took a sharp intake of breath, and moaned. I reciprocated. Looking deeply and steadfastly into each others' eyes, we began to slowly stroke each other. I saw such love in those eyes! I hoped he could see my own!
Brrrring! The phone!
Notes: Boy, are you as horny as I am!? Please write if you feel inclined: s4d@hotmail.com.
Love, Steve and Ken