AWARD-WINNING FIRM LEONARDI & SONS By Andrej Koymasky © 2010 Written on June 16, 2002 Translated by the Author English text kindly revised by Brian
USUAL DISCLAIMER
"AWARD-WINNING FIRM LEONARDI & SONS" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed guest.
Chapter 7
Subject: Seventh File [img1] Date: 02 Jun 2002 20:14:51 GMT From: gajule@iol.it.com (Gaetano Leonardi Jr.) To: lucen@telek.fa.org
Luca,
Of course it's true! I'll come to see you at mid-month and I can stay at Civitavecchia with you for an entire week. Try to rent a little room for me- it will be enough if there is a bed (preferably a king size one) and that you can come and go freely without problems. I don't care how expensive it is; I can afford it, as my Mum will give me enough money.
Thank you for the greetings, and I'm dying with desire to see what present you are preparing for me, besides that of being able to make love with you. I will get there exactly on the 14th, the day of my birthday - lunch with my family, who want to have a party for me, then I'll leave at once. Here amongst us we aren't used to giving each other presents, first of all as in old times there was little money, and second, as we are now too many. We just have a good meal and that day's "guest of honour" is at the centre of everybody's attention, and that's all. Of course there is also the cake with candles - it's always made from grandma Ersilia's recipe, a kind of "pandoro" cake, but round and flat, filled with a kind of custard and covered with whipped cream. If I can I'll bring you a slice.
Your parents reacted very badly, didn't they? No clearing up in sight? Unhappily there are still too many of those who don't accept that two men can love each other, or even just fuck together, even though it is 2002 and the third millennium has begun. Also in this I think I'm lucky. But don't worry, my love - when you finally have your discharge from the army, you will have a good job, a house and meÉ In Lugo a really specialised software shop still doesn't exist, and I think that your project will be successful. Moreover you know that the Leonardi's will give you a hand, don't you? Grandpa Tano promised that to meÉ Unless you want to work with us as Alessio does. You know that this also would be possible, don't you? Think about it then, when I come, let me know what you decided.
I attach the follow up of my story, the seventh part.
Bye, my handsome little man. Wait for me!
All yours
Gaetano Jr.
--------------------------------------------------------------------- Name: Seventh File [img2]Seventh File Type: Microsoft Word Document (application/msword) Encoding: base64 ---------------------------------------------------------------------
SEVENTH FILE
This time I want to write about our story, dear Luca. Of course you know it very well, you don't need it, but as I already explained you, these pages I'm writing and sending to you will also be read by my cousins and brothers, besides the uncles and so on, and I am pleased that they can all know what there has been and there is, between you and I.
In the mail we receive an advertising leaflet about some courses to improve a person's knowledge of computers and of their use, and I am really interested in a course for Web masters. I would like to devote myself with skill and competence to the Leonardi & Sons web site, making it more appealing and better organised. So I talk about it with my Dad, who in his turn talks with the others and they finally decide it should be done. Therefore they give me the money, I take my bike and go to enroll, happy and excited.
They give me the text-books, the lesson schedule, and tell me all the useful and useless information they pour on you to make you see how well organised they are. And finally the course starts. Luca says that he "aimed" at me from the very first moment, but I have to admit, regrettably, that I didn't notice him at first. Possibly I was too much taken by the euphoria of the course start.
Be as it may be, the course begins and it is really interesting, I get the feeling that the money was well spent. As at home we all use a Mac, I'm of course in the group using the Macintosh. In the first two or three lessons we students become acquainted with each other and it is then that I, for the first time, notice Luca. Now, being totally in love with him, I can confess that at first that boy didn't appeal to me in a particular way. It's not that he isn't a handsome boy, but there are also others who are handsome and possibly some more sexy than my Luca.
Moreover Luca, at least at first, seems a quite introverted guy, therefore I feel more interested in getting acquainted with more extroverted mates. There is one in particular who is really fascinating, oozing sensuality from his whole body, Denis. I later discover he is a real fucking bastard, one who despises gay people and not just them but also immigrants, Jews, gypsies, black people and so on. The type full of himself and thereforeÉ empty. But, at least at the beginning, this Denis seemed an interesting guy, besides being attractive.
Anyway, Luca is really attracted to me, so he starts, at first in a very discreet way, then gradually in a more explicit one, to court me and to try to seduce meÉ Also because, being gay like me, he has been able to interpret my way of throwing glances to my most appealing mates, and understands that almost surely I too am gay. Thus, one time he lends me his notes, another time he offers me a coffee, and on another occasion he gives me a nice complimentÉ until I gradually become aware of him. Then one time he gives me a box of chocolates, another time he brings me a souvenir back from a trip he takes É
That discrete but assiduous courting, all in all, flatters me; Luca is a handsome boy, and so I start to have thoughts and also some erotic fantasies about him. And I start to give him some attention. Luca thus feels encouraged and gradually becomes more daring, he starts giving me some more risquŽ compliments, does his best to be with me as much as possible. At first I take it almost like a game, I understand where Luca is aiming and after all I'm curious to see how he will get what he wants, and think that I wouldn't dislike at all to have a good fuck with him.
I moreover understand that Denis is really just a little piece of shit, and in my mind send him off to fuck himself. So I too devote myself a little more to the handsome Luca who, as he is gradually getting over his shyness and therefore smiles at me more often, starts to seem to me more fascinating that I thought at first. Not only that, but Luca also starts to care more for his appearance, his clothes, and in short at that point I'm fully aware he is courting me.
One evening Luca invites me to go with him to eat a pizza, on him, he says. It is on this occasion that a certain intimacy begins, or perhaps a certain companionship, and he finally tells me he is gay and he feels strongly attracted to me. I answer him that I too am gay, and that I'm pleased to hear he finds me attractiveÉ He then makes the big step and asks me if I feel like popping up to his place, as his parents are out of town and he is alone at home.
'Here we are!' I say to myself and at once accept, telling him that I just have to call home and tell them that this evening I'll have supper out, and possibly I will also sleep out. Luca hears what I'm saying on the cell phone, and when I say these last words, he delightfully blushes, but I can see he is happy. All in all, I tell myself, I will have a good adventure with this boy, just a couple years older than me, who for the little that I can guess by his way of dressing, should have a really nice body.
So we go to his place. As soon as he closes the apartment door, he embraces me from behind and kisses my neckÉ I would never have thought he could be so daringÉ Anyway I like feeling him lean against my body, feeling his breath on my neck. I gently free myself from his embrace and turn towards him. I see a slightly alarmed expression flash in his eyes, he probably fears I might have a negative reaction, but when in my turn I embrace him he smiles, and when I put my lips on his, he at once French kisses me so deeply and intimately that it leaves me breathless.
I feel that he is already aroused, his erection pushes against me and I too get immediately aroused and let him feel that I too have a hard-on, brushing my crotch against his. We then part and look at each other.
He whispers, smiling, "My god, how long I dreamed of this moment, Gaetano!"
I ask him, in a tone half way between seductive and pleased, "Where is your bedroom? Will you take me there?"
He takes my hand, looking at me and quite moved says, "This wayÉ comeÉ"
When we are near his bed, we start to undress each other. I unbutton his shirt and under it he wears nothing - his chest is hairless, wide, strong, with muscles, not too big but nicely chiselled, with small brown nipples already erect from the excitation. I bend and while I trace small circles around one of his nipples with my fingertips , I start to suck the other one. Luca moans and sighs, and goes on to open my clothes. In a short while we are both naked, our trousers and briefs piled up around our ankles on our feet. We come out of them, kick away our shoes, going on touching each other, kissing and exchanging pleased smiles.
Luca sits on his bed and takes off his socks; I follow suit, then he turns towards me and again embraces and deeply kisses me. He is undoubtedly skilful, he is turning me on at an incredible speed. He then pushes me to lie on the bed and moves in top of me, I raise my legs to be able to lie in the centre of his bed, but he remains seated near me and looks at me, caresses my hard pole straight upwards like a rocket ready to take off and, with a smile tells me that I am wonderful.
Contrary to what I was expecting, as the majority of men with whom I had sex before did so, he doesn't ask me what I like to do and how, but he simply starts to take care of me, with the evident and only intent to give me pleasure. All is extremely agreeable, as it is happening in a serene atmosphere, of warm simplicity and spontaneity.
He lowers his head to kiss, lick, lap all over my body, lower and lower, while his hands are fingering me all over my body, now light and gentle, now strong and deliberate, giving me a steadily increasing pleasure. I do my best to give him back what he is giving to me, but for the first time in my life I'm feeling somewhat inadequateÉ He finally takes the root of my hard pole with one hand, and gently kneads my testicles with the other hand. He goes down to push my foreskin back with his tongue and skilfully licks my glans, which is now hypersensitive.
I can't avoid moaning and sighing: he is making me feel so good and giving me such exquisite pleasure! I pull him in top of me, gently forcing him to go onto all fours and upside down, so that I too can take care of his nice pole, which is at the same time very hard and yet soft like a ripe peach. We unite in a passionate sixty-nine, sucking each other with real gluttony. I manage to allow him to go deep into my throat, and with each thrust my nose is pushed against the thick bush of his groin. I inhale a very agreeable scent of clean man in heat, which makes me literally intoxicated.
While he too skilfully sucks me, moving his tongue against my hose and applying the right pressure all over my tool, the fingers of one hand go on kneading my testicles and those of the other caress the furrow between my buttocks and tickle my hole which answers, starting to throb. He then takes my member in a hand, and goes down to lick and nibble and tease my hole with the tip of his tongue, which now throbs more and more. He is really good at it and makes me die from the pleasure.
Then I move up to give him the same treatment and feel his very hard member strongly palpitate against my chest almost in response to each lick I give to his delightful hole which I finally reached. We go on in this way using tongues and the tips of fingers, and our bodies are all a shudder. Then we resume sucking each other, in a second round of our agreeable sixty-nine. I push a finger wet with saliva into his tight hole and Luca moans but he doesn't move away. He then does the same to me and I too let him do it, savouring each of these splendid feelings.
Then Luca gradually parts from me, almost if he did so reluctantly, he takes from I don't know where a condom and with his lips he unrolls it onto my hot pole, down to the root. Then addressing me with a happy smile, he crouches astride my lap, keeping my tool pointing upwards with his hand until the tip of my pole is well centred against his hole. He pushes downward, I feel some initial resistance, then all of a sudden all my glans slips inside him and Luca's smile becomes wider. He keeps still for a moment then slowly lets himself go down until his firm small buttocks are well pressed against my groin.
With one hand I tease his nipples and with the other I caress his beautiful hard member, which is leaning against my belly. Luca starts moving up and down, closing his eyes and bending his head back, at times licking his lips and uttering low moans of pleasure. I like seeing him tower over me in that way; I like looking at the intense pleasure lighting his face, and I also like hearing his bed lightly squeaking under his hammering each time he comes down on me, making my tool thrust into him to its hilt.
But then he stops, bends on me to give me another of his breathtaking kisses, then whispers, "I don't want you to come too soonÉ I have to slow downÉ"
I say to him, "Yes, all right. Then it's your turn to take me. I'm longing to feel you all inside me. You too be careful not to come too soonÉ"
"We have all night, don't we?" he asks me, slowly pulling away from my pole.
"If you want, yes, I can stay here all night long."
"Perfect!" he says with a wide smile. Then he asks me, "How would you like me?"
"In this position, this time you take meÉ" I answer spreading my legs and folding them up against my chest.
He kneels in front of me, puts on a condom then pushes my legs to the sides of my body, holding them at the ankles. I pull his nice pole towards me. He slips forward and I feel it reach my greedy hole, push past the muscle's natural resistance and slowly enter me.
I let go a moan of pleasure and he stops at once asking me worriedly if he hurt me. I tell him he didn't and spur him to push it all inside me. He smiles and resumes his advance inside me. It is really good, feeling filled in that way by his strong member, not too big and not too small, of a perfect length and thicknessÉ Then when he is finally entirely inside me, he begins moving back and forth with a strong but measured rhythm, while I caress his chest and belly, the inner part of his thighs, and encourage him with my pleased smile.
I like very much feeling him move inside me and seeing how much he is enjoying it. I can't say if he likes better taking me or being taken, and the same is true for me. I just know that I'm enjoying a lot having sex with him. When he is near to coming, he stops and it's up to me again to take him. We go on in this way for quite a long time, until Luca is no more able to restrain himself and in a set of virile, short and fast strokes, reaches his orgasm, pushing vigorously inside me and unloads, emitting a long, modulated moan, closing his eyes and shaking his head. Then it's my turn to reach my orgasm inside him and unload with such a strong set of jets that my whole body trembles.
We finally lie down, embracing and exchanging a tender kiss from time to time. We fall asleep in one another's arms, happy and satisfied. When we started making love it was ten p.m., when we lie to sleep it's one in the morning - we had three hours of nonstop, intense pleasure.
After we meet at his home to make love three or four more times, Luca tells me that he is in love with me and he wants me to be his boyfriend. I too am feeling I have totally fallen for him, because he has a strong but sweet character, a body not splendid but very sexy, and he makes love in a way I love terribly. But at that point, before telling him that I too am in love with him, I have to tell him about my family and my duties towards it.
Luca at first doesn't take it well, but then tells me that he doesn't care for the past, but he wants me from now on to be only his boy. I tell him, with regret, that I cannot. To do so, I would have to break with my family and I don't think it fair, in spite of all the love I have for him.
Luca at this point becomes angered, he tells me that then I don't really love him, that he would be ready to leave everything and anything for me, and that therefore he doesn't expect less than that from me. I ask him to give me some time to think about it, to give him an answer - I know I risk to losing him and I don't want that, but I have to be totally honest with myself, with him and with my family before taking such an important decision. Luca then tells me that this is already an answer, it's already a no, and that therefore it is better to stop there and to never again think about it.
To me this is a real tragedy. Back home I talk about it with Fulvio and Lino, asking their advice. They tell me it would be better if I talk about it with my father, and possibly also my grandfather and grandpa.
"They have much more experience than us, and they can possibly give you better advice." they say.
I anyway insist to have their opinion, and both tell me that in my shoes they would try to convince Luca to accept the situation, but they would never leave the family. I then go to talk with my father, with grandfather Corrado and finally also with grandpa Gaetano - all three of them tell me more or less what my cousins told me.
I therefore try to meet again with Luca, but he doesn't want to hear any more about it. When I go once more to look for him, I find that he is no longer there, as having to anyway do his army service, he decided to enroll as a volunteer. I fall into a depression, because on one side I am really in love with him, but on the other side I absolutely don't feel like breaking with the family.
I start to do badly in school, I am weird and absent at home, even though I try to do my best to recover, I can't sleep at night. Silvio, who is in charge of the Tower and of us boys, is worried about me and goes to tell grandfather Corrado. He talks about it with Ginetta, his wife. They try to talk with me, to make me accept the situation, I say yes, yes, but am feeling worse and worse.
So my grandmother Ginetta, as neither her husband Corrado nor grandpa Tano are willing to do it, as they go on saying that "it will pass", while she is persuaded that yes, it could even pass but it would leave a bad scar in my life, I don't know how (she never wanted to tell me, and each time I asked her, she just gave a small smile and kept silent) she comes to know where Luca is doing his army service and decides to take the matter into her hands. She takes the train and goes to Civitavecchia. She asks when Luca his off duty and, making herself pass as his aunt, waits for him in the parlour of the barracks, asking the soldier on duty to warn Luca she is there, before he goes out.
After some time Luca enters the room and looks with a questioning expression at my grandmother.
As she sees him enter, she stands up and asks him, "Are you Luca Cento?"
"Yes, madam, but I don't know youÉ" Luca answers, as when he was told that his aunt was waiting for him in the parlour he felt rather perplexed.
"I know, but I know you and need to talk with youÉ If we possibly can go out together for a short walk, I will explain to you who I am and why I came hereÉ"
"As you like, madamÉ" Luca answers, somewhat puzzled, and they go out together.
Grandmother Ginetta takes him arm in arm, "Listen, Luca, my name is Ginetta LeonardiÉ and I am Gaetano's grandmother. I told the gate soldier I am your aunt only to be sure they let me enter and wait for you, as Gaetano never showed me your photo."
"Gaetano sent you here?" Luca asks her.
"No, neither he nor any of the Leonardis know I came here. But I ask you now to listen to me."
"WellÉ I'm listening."
"Good. Gaetano feels bad, really bad for how it went between you two. My grandson is really, madly in love with you, and now he is grief-strickenÉ"
"He could be madly in love with me, as you say, but not enough toÉ"
"Wait, before to talk. When I've said to you all I have to say, you will talk and ask all you want, all right?" Ginetta says in a kind but determined tone.
Luca nods in assent.
"This problem, be one of my grandsons gay or not, doesn't change. Also who amongst my grandsons is in love with his wife, as I think you already know, she, before marrying with a Leonardi has to accept our rules. Also my mother in law, also I did so, as well as my daughters in law. The woman who doesn't accept our rules, simply doesn't become a Leonardi, doesn't marry with one of our men."
"That's exactly soÉ"
"Eh, wait, I told you! Up to now we Leonardi's women are twelve, and all twelve of us accepted this pact. And all twelve of us are happy we married a Leonardi, because all our husbands are good men, smart, and they love, respect us and do treat us how better is not possible. We know that at times they have to have sex with another man, to care for our family business, but we also know that they never cheat on us, as none of them has another woman. They are good husbands and good fathers and that's enough for us. Now, in your case, as Gaetano is really in love with you, even though you are a man instead of a woman, it doesn't change. Cheating is not just to have a fuck with another person, cheating is stopping to love, to respect, it is feeling better with another than with usÉ"
"To you it can possibly be easer, as you say they don't go with other women. But for me, as a man, the idea that Corrado goes in bed with other menÉ you see, it is like if your husband went to bed with other women, isn't it so?"
"You are not totally wrong, but this comes only from the fact that for the moment all the buttons of power are in the hands of men. But sooner or later, as it is already happening, there will be occasions where the power is in women's hands, and so it could be possible that our men have to go to bed also with womenÉ For what concerns me, as long as my husband goes on loving me and treats me well as before, and as before he takes care of our children, nothing will change."
"It's easy to say so as long as the problem still doesn't exist, don't you think?"
"No, I don't think. If you really love him, you have to consider what I just said. I'm not telling you that you have to accept at any cost. If you don't feel like itÉ you just don't feel like it. But in my opinion you should seriously think about it and above all you have to accept talking about it with Gaetano. You cannot be aware he is feeling so bad and just not care at all, or else it means that you aren't really in love with him as you say. I'm not asking you for the moon and stars. I just ask you to accept being again in touch with my grandson, to accept talking with him. The first time you get leave you can come to Lugo, or at least ask Gaetano to come to Bologna. But do you really love him or not?"
"YesÉ I do nothing but think of himÉ and I too feel so bad, believe me, butÉ"
"No 'but', young man! Don't do like that man who to punish his wife who cheated on him, he castrated himself! I believe you if you say that you too are feeling badÉ but if you saw Gaetano! I'm really worrying for that boy. I don't think he would kill himself, no, I really don't think, but he is almost out of his mind. He doesn't eat, he doesn't sleep, he is doing badly at school, and we never saw him smile after you leftÉ Silvio says that he often hears him cry during the night, when he thinks that nobody will hear him. How much can it cost you to talk with him?
"To just hear him say he prefers your family to me?"
"If he really preferred the family to you, he wouldn't feel so bad, can't you see? Life, my dear Luca, is never just black and white, just think how boring it would be, but neither is it many grey nuances; life is made of infinite colours. I know my grandson well enough to know that if he is in love with you, he will never make you miss anything, and above all you will never miss his affection. If he has to marry to have children, if he has at times to go to bed with a man to care for the family businessÉ well, what can I tell you? We Leonardi are made in this way. But I want to tell you one more thing - we Leonardi are incredibly united and solidly behind each other, and that you are a boy, therefore you can't marry Gaetano and even less sire children with him, changes nothing for us, you would anyway be a member of the family. Gaetano possibly told you about our Aldo and his Alessio, didn't he?"
"NoÉ who are they?"
"Well, ask to Gaetano. It can possibly help you to understand. And if you want, later talk about your problem also with Aldo and Alessio. Possibly they too can help you to better understand and to make your decision. Just remember one thing - if you put enough pressure on him, you could even convince him to leave the family, but afterwards he would feel bad about it all his life long, and one day it could poison your relationship. Therefore, think well about it all. So, Luca, do you promise me?"
"All rightÉ what should I do? Write him? Call him?"
"Yes, as you think best, or send him a message with the computer as young people do now. Look, I wrote you down the addresses and phone numbers on this paper, do as it's easier for you, as you feel is best, but do something before slamming the door again in his face."
Well, this has been, more or less, the conversation that grandmother Ginetta had with Luca, as he later told me.
So, one day, as I turn on my computer and connect to Internet, I see that there are messages for me. I see one of them that at first tells me nothing, as the sender is lucen@telek.fa.org and I've no idea who that can be. Well, I should possibly have understood that "lucen" is the handle of "Luca Cento", but in that moment I just thought about the light, "lucent", not to my Luca, also because I really didn't have hope any more that he would look for meÉ
I open that email and my heart stops. I still have that email, as I have all Luca's emails he sent me. I copy it here:
"Gaetano,
On September 18th I'll be on leave in Bologna, I have seven days, therefore I can be there up to the 25th. I would like to meet you on this occasion to talk about us, to try to understand and reconsider everything, and to make the decision possibly most fair and happy for both of us.
Let me know if you can come to Bologna and when, in reply to this email.
Thank you Luca"
Well, on one side these few lines seem to me rather cold, but at the same time he contacted me, he says he wants to meet me, to talk with meÉ I'm overcome by contrasting feelings, I feel like laughing and like crying at once like a dumbass.
I answer him, but before I make up my mind and send him an answer email, I rewrite my message god knows how many times, and at the end I send it more because I HAVE to answer than because I feel satisfied with the text I wrote down. I tell him I am grateful he wrote me, that I too certainly want to meet him, to talk with him, and if he tells me the hour his train gets to Bologna, I will be at the station waiting for him.
Luca answers me almost immediately, gives me the time of his train, and tells me that if at the last minute anything unexpected should happen, he will call me on my cellular, but he hopes everything will be OK. So it starts for me a very long wait, very long even though it is a matter of just eight days. During these days I pass with incredible speed from euphoria to worry, from depression to hopeÉ
Finally September 18 comes and one hour before his train arrives I am already in the station, the cellular in my hand, hoping it would not ring, looking at my watch every two minutes and to the arrivals board every five minutes, hoping it doesn't announce the train is late. I'm really a soul in torment.
Finally the train comes and I feel more and more restless. I finally see Luca amongst all the people getting off the train, coming towards the platform's exit. I spy his expression and see he is not smiling, as I hoped, but also not frowning, or even worst angry. He is simply serious. As he sees me he simply waves a hand as to tell me - I've seen you. He arrives in front of me.
"Hi." Luca says, so very serious.
"HiÉ did you have a good trip?" I ask, my heart in my mouth.
"YesÉ I found a good seat. How much time do you have?"
"All the time you wantÉ" I answer, trying to smile but I feel that my face muscles don't answer, they are like paralysed, and I'm afraid that instead of a smile something more like a grimace comes out.
We walk side by side and I try to look at him out of the corner of my eye. We are out of the station.
"Did you come with your bike?" he asks.
"Yes, it's parked thereÉ"
"Leave it there and let's go to the Holt, is that all right?"
"As you likeÉ give me your bag, I'll carry itÉ"
"I can carry it." he dryly says, then adds, almost in a whisper, "Thank you."
The weather is fine, it is mid afternoon, we go up to the Holt, that is crowded mainly with children. We find a free bench and Luca makes me sign and we sit there. For a while neither of us utters a word.
Then Luca asks, "YouÉ how are you?"
"FineÉ well, reallyÉ so-soÉ" but then I start to cry. That is, not to sob, but tears drip down in spite of my efforts to hold them back, but I'm not able, and they trickle down my cheeks like a leaking tap.
He throws me a short glance, then looks down in front of him, and in a low voice says, "No, you aren't fine at all. And neither am I fine, I miss you too much."
"I would like to dieÉ" I whisper, finally giving vent to what I really feel inside me.
"Really!" he says but neither in an amazed tone nor like making fun of me, but I would say rather in a pained tone.
"I don't know any more what I have to do, Luca, I don't know any more what I have to do. I'm feeling like one who has to choose whether to renounce breathing or eatingÉ Any choice he could do, he is doomed to die, can you understand?"
"And what am I for you, the air or the food?" he asks in a low voice.
It seems to me a rather absurd question, but then the answer comes out almost by itself, "The air!"
"Ah, yes? And why?"
"Because without food one can resist even a few months, if he can drink. Without air one will die in a few minutes." I then tell him.
"TaninoÉ IÉ I think we have to at least try to tell each other everything, but really everything, if we want to get at least the hope that, any way it could go between us, we will suffer a little lessÉ"
I can't understand if what he is saying means that everything has to end, or if instead there is still some hope - I'm feeling too confused, my head seems not to work any more, I start trembling and these words "any way it could go between us" resound inside my brain like an echo, but that never ends.
"Yes?" I just manage to utter.
"IÉ I have been really disappointed, pained and, well, also angered, and that's why I signed on as a volunteer, to put a distance between you and I, because I was feeling wounded, betrayed, and I wanted to forget youÉ To forget youÉ More easily said than done. To forget you? I have been not able to delete you from my mind, from my heart. I have not been able to stifle what I was feeling for you. I tried to do it, with all my meansÉ Inside myself I abused you, I thought the worst things about you, hoping to shake my love for you off, to kill that fondness I knew I have, trying to choke itÉ
"I also tried toÉ you know, the 'one love drives out another' techniqueÉ There was a boy there in the barracks, a boy from Asti who made me understand he dug meÉ he courted me, so I encouraged himÉ He was a handsome boy, he was gentle and strong, clever and likeableÉ He took me to his home when we both were on leaveÉ we were alone, he hugged me, we kissed, we undressedÉ but I didn't even get a hard-on, I couldn't, you were there, between him and meÉ I had to apologise and ask him to let it go, as I really couldn'tÉ
"And yet I still was so furious with youÉ I wanted to erase you from my lifeÉ because I kept repeating to myself that if you loved your family more than me, yours wasn't a real love, as true love puts you in the first place, not at the second or third oneÉ And I felt you just put me at the second, at the third placeÉ In some moments I wanted to have you there in front of me to hit you and so give vent to all the rage I was feeling for you, for having put me in that situationÉ Some days I cursed the day we met, the moment we talked to each other, the moment we started to be togetherÉ
"So, I gave it another try. I went in Rome to dance in a gay disco. I met a boy there, who hooked me and took me to his place, and this time I was determined to absolutely do it. So we ended up on his bed and we started to do itÉ and we did practically everythingÉ physically it worked wellÉ I mean, that time I didn't have problemsÉ but then he saw that I wasn't really there, that something wasn't working, and he tried to make me open up, to make me speak my mindÉ
"I told him all that was eating me, I gave vent to all my feelings, I talked forÉ I don't know, for a century. He listened to meÉ then at the end he told me that all the time I did nothing but talk about me, what I was feeling, what you did to me, and so on, but never about you, what you were feeling, what I did to you. He told me that I demand that you put me above everything and everyone else, but he didn't feel like I was putting you above everyone and everything, that you could not have understood me, but I was surely not trying to understand youÉ Then I just became furious with him and got out of his home.
"But thenÉ then came to look for me at the barracksÉ to tell me about youÉ your grandmotherÉ"
I was astounded - I knew nothing about that, so he told me about grandmother Ginetta and all she told him. I don't know why, but felt filled with shame, and apologised to him, telling him I didn't know at all, that I was sorry, that if I knew what she had in mind, I would have asked her not to goÉ
Luca then said, "No, she was right to come to see me, telling all she told me. What that boy in Rome told me, then your grandmother, made me thinkÉ think about you, instead of about me, for the first time. And what you just told meÉ you know that thing about air and foodÉ Yes, I felt bad, really bad, but youÉ Your grandmother told me that you aren't eating, that you aren't sleepingÉ that you are getting bad grades in schoolÉ and you tell me that you would like to dieÉ and so now I'm more confused than everÉ but I'm no longer mad at you, Gaetano. I would like to understand, to really understandÉ becauseÉ because I'm still madly in love with you, in spite of everythingÉ And I don't want to see you cryÉ it hurts meÉ"
I was trying to stop crying, but really wasn't able to. Luca gave me his handkerchief, I dried my tears, but they wouldn't stop coming out.
Luca says, "NowÉ tell me somethingÉ"
"IÉ" I started but was not able to go on.
"Please, TaninoÉ" he whispers, "tell me something, nowÉ"
"IÉ I don't want to lose youÉ If you wantÉ IÉ I will leave my family, but don't leave meÉ"
"And so you remain without food? And so you will starve to deathÉ inside your heart, inside your soul? What can I do with a boy with a dead heart, who lost his soul?"
"So, then? Should I die for lack of air?" I ask with a sob.
"And if we instead tried to live, and stopped talking about dying?" he says with such a low voice that I have almost difficulty to hear him.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"I don't know, honestly. I just know that I too need youÉ and that if the only way to have you is to acceptÉ to accept what a Leonardi has to doÉ Good lord, I don't know, but I have at least to tryÉ I think. I don't think it would be so easy not to be jealousÉ Jealous of your wife, when you'll get one, of your family, of your childrenÉ and also of the men you will have to go withÉ Thinking of you in the arms of another while I'm possibly there, all aloneÉ Yes, as the boy in Rome said to me, his name was Emiliano, this is selfishnessÉ I know that it would be hard for you too, doing it with other peopleÉ but if you can stand it, why can't I?
"Tanino, I'm really feeling confused, believe meÉ I don't want to make you feel so badÉ I feel that I have to at least tryÉ and so I think that, if we possiblyÉ If we help each otherÉ who knows butÉ maybe we can succeed? I can't promise you anything, at this moment, as I don't know how strong I would be, how much would I be able not to feel bad, and not to make you feel bad, but if we don't try, who can tell us? Good lord, you aren't able to be without me, but I too am not able to be without you. Even when IÉ when I fucked with Emiliano, I was doing nothing but thinking of you, I was doing nothing but desiring that you were there instead of himÉ"
"But I, what should I do for you?" I then ask him, feeling a ray of hope penetrate into my heart.
"You for me? Make me always feel that for you I come before anyone and anything else, let me feel you love me. And also, besides making me feel it, tell me, remind me of it oftenÉ Give me the strength we both need, help me to have it and so, who knowsÉ"
"But thenÉ if you then feel too bad, if you then can't stand it?" I ask, hoping he could give me a reassuring answer.
"I don't know, Tanino. That is why I'm saying I believe we should try. Your grandmother advised me to talk also with Aldo and AlessioÉ who are they? Do you think they can help us?"
"Possibly. And I think that possibly you should meet all my family and not only Aldo and Alessio. This can perhaps help you, help usÉ"
"So, thenÉ why don't you take me to your house, to meet your family?"
"Now? Isn't your family waiting for you, now?"
"I'll call them and tell that my leave has been cancelledÉ They don't know at what time I was supposed to comeÉ Can you give me hospitality in these days?"
"Yes, I think it's possibleÉ I just have to call home and ask, but I think it's possibleÉ"
So we call and settle everything, then go back to get my bike, he sits behind me and I take him to the Citadel. My god, how worked up I am just feeling him behind me, leaning against me, his arms around my waistÉ
When we get to the Citadel, besides Silvio who already prepared a room for him on the last floor of the Tower, in the farmyard there are, waiting for us, my father, grandmother Ginetta and my brothers Antonio and Damiano.
Grandmother Ginetta is the first to come towards us and greet him, "Thank you, Luca, for having thought about it. Welcome to the Citadel. He is Marco, the Dad of our Gaetano, and these are Gaetano's two younger brothers, who live with him in the Tower, where Silvio already prepared a room for you. I've heard you will stay with us for some days, so you will have the possibility to meet also the rest of our family. Here you are at your home, Luca."
Then my father comes to shake hands with him, "Welcome, Luca. You have to be a really smart boy, to have my Gaetano lose his head so much. I'm really glad to meet you. I really hope that you and my son will be able to settle everythingÉ"
Luca is evidently overcome by that welcome that he probably didn't expect, above all for the fact that my family accepts so simply and with such warmth the male lover of a sonÉ Notwithstanding I already explained to him how things were in the Leonardi family, it is one thing to just hear about it, experiencing it is another thing.
Even though it can seem odd, when I take Luca to his room we don't fly into each other arms, we don't make love. We both feel that, in some way, we can't just restart from where we cut off; no, we have to, so to say, restart everything from the beginning.
Anyway that first night Luca asks me if I want to go to sleep in his room, with himÉ and we fall asleep simply in each other arms. Even though we didn't even kiss, I feel almost to be in paradise just feeling the warmth of his body against mine, feeling his arms around me.
Then, the following day, Antonio tells him that my grandpa Gaetano wants to talk with him, and takes him to the Hovel. Grandpa Tano and Luca are alone in the simple and modest living room of grandpa Tano's house.
Grandpa tells him, "I am glad to meet you, Luca. And I'm glad you decided to, from what I've understood, at least attempt to settle things with my great grandson. To me, all my sons, grandsons and great grandsons are all equal, but possibly because he has my same name, I have a weakness for him. And if you will be able and could stay with him and make him happy, I will have a weakness for you too.
"My Tanino is a boy of great value, and if he fell in love with you to such a point, it means that you too have to be a boy of great value. I'm not telling you this to suck up to you, you know, it is absolutely not in my character. They rather say that at times I am even too harsh, and that can be true, but to keep together such a big family, I have at times to be so. But I try above all to be fair, and I hope to succeed in that."
Luca is a little intimidated by the great old man, but says, "I, mister Leonardi, I have to confess that I am really in love with GaetanoÉ This is why I should at least try. But the fact I have to share him also with other people, makes me feel badÉ But I can possibly get to accept itÉ"
"You see, my dear boy, all the Leonardi's women, more or less, have to get through this, and up to now all of them, more or less, accepted it. Beware, I'm saying to accept, not to suffer it. They all accepted it also because one of the things we teach to our boys is respect and affection they should have for their wives. If there is also love, so much the better, but a family does not base itself only on love - love could be or could not be present, it could be there at the beginning but then fade away, or else it could not be present at the beginning but come later. But if there is respect, affection, and friendship, even without love the family can go on well, serene and strong.
"Oh, well, I'm not saying you're a woman, you aren't and that's rather evident. I didn't say that. But you will find yourself in the same position of a wife in love, like my Ersilia is with me, therefore possibly talking with them you can better understand what I mean, even you not being a woman.
"If our society allowed two boys who are in love, as you and Tanino are, to marry, you would really be like one of our spouses, but this is not possible. The only difference is that between you and Tanino you can never sire a child. But you see, it's not just a child conceived together that makes a couple united, but all that the couple does together. Also between my Aldo and his Alessio it is as I say, they really are a beautiful couple, they love each other and get on together very well. I hope that things can also go in the same way between you and Tanino.
"I want to tell you another thing, by the way. If you feel you can love Tanino and live with him, you will have all the family on your side - even though you aren't a Leonardi, you will be one of us. And all the family will help you to fit in well together, to help you to smooth away all the difficulties you two could meet. Remember, if you decide to seriously live with Tanino, you will get not only a big family ready to welcome you, but also to give you a hand, to be friend with you. If instead you decide you can't accept the situation, nobody will reproach you for that, nobody will be against youÉ Even though we will have to gather together the shards of our Tanino.
"About the fact of sharing him with othersÉ if you really love each other, you will share with others such a small part of Tanino's body, and an even smaller part of his heartÉ really so small thatÉ After all in each couple there is a tiny part that each member has to leave to others, be it leaving it to work, to sports, to friendsÉ and god knows to what elseÉ"
"I have only to be able to keep my jealousy in check É" Luca comments.
"Of course you have! Believe me - jealousy is the opposite of love, because love is the will to give himself to the other, while jealousy on the contrary is the will to possess the other. Well, I don't want to bore you with my old man's thoughts. But any time you want to come and talk with me, my door will always be open, and I will listen to you, even though today I'm been the only one to talk."
That day I take Luca on a tour of the entire Citadel, and little by little I introduce him to the various members of our extended family. We have lunch with my father and mother, but we have our supper in the Tower, and after supper I go upstairs to his room.
Here he finally embraces and kisses me. I can feel he wants me, and I at once feel excited and die with the desire to give myself to him and have him for me. Yes, as I foresaw, it is again like a first time for both of us. We are hungry, thirsty for each other, we both need to give ourselves to the other, and to take him, to recover in a way all the time we lost because of that long separation.
Luca finally meets Alessio, then also Aldo and I know that talking with both of them helped him very much. I see he is getting more and more happy, and when his leave days are over and he has to go back to Civitavecchia, I see that he is deeply sorry. I see him to the station in Bologna.
"Tanino, I really want to try it, I love you too much to just think I can renounce to you. And your familyÉ I hated them like poison, but they really won me over, they all seem like exceptional people, they all are fine people. I swear that I will do my best, but youÉ help me, my love!"
The only problem now is that he still has several months before ending his term of service, too many months. But we promise each other we will meet as often as possible, and to exchange email and call even more often, to help each other to overcome this, unhappily unavoidable, separation.
CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 8
In my home page I've put some more of my stories. If someone wants to read them, the URL is
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If you want to send me feed-back, or desire to help revising my English translations, so that I can put on-line more of my stories in English please e-mail at
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