This story contains portrayals of homosexual actions and lifestyles. There may be references to, or explicit descriptions of, sex between consenting adults.
If homosexuality, sexually explicit language, or swearing offends you, or if reading material that contains these topics violates any law or personal or religious beliefs, or if you under 18 years of age, please leave now, without proceeding further.
This story is entirely fictional, and any resemblances to actual persons are completely coincidental. Actual locations are mentioned, and are used for 'background' only.
Many of the character's names are Finnish. For those who wish to know how they are pronounced, read on.
Mikko - MEEK-ko Paavo - PAH-vo Joel - YOE-el Halonen - HALL-oh-nen
Roy roynm@mac.com
Leith - chapter 3
Leith awoke with his arm around his father. The sun had only just come up, painting the lake a sparkling gold blanket to the horizon. He missed waking up to the sound of birdsong in the old oak tree outside his bedroom window. This apartment was so sterile. It even smelled . . . wrong. It was a beautiful place but it would never be home.
The feel of his father's body next to him was comforting. He had the best night's sleep in months, sleeping with his father. He remembered turning over in the middle of the night and smiling when Mikko scooted close and laid an arm protectively over his chest. He took a deep breath, reveling in the feeling of warmth and security being close to his father created.
Last night was also the first time since Mason died that he had erotic dreams. Perhaps it was because he was in bed with a naked man . . . a sexy naked man. Mason often wondered what it would be like to have sex with their father. He knew Mikko felt guilty about the time in the sauna with Uncle Joel and his cousin Brett, so he never brought it up. Ever since that day he knew he was attracted to his father sexually. As much as he hated to admit it, he also knew he could never act on those feelings. 'Dad would freak," he thought.
He would watch his father wearing his tight white boxer briefs that cupped his cock and balls and fantasized late at night. He especially liked how the fabric of the underwear would mold itself to his father's firm rounded butt, and how his black chest hair narrowed to a thin line, disappearing beneath the waistband of the briefs, so different from Leith's smooth body.
He had often masturbated thinking of the dense spread of black pubic hair he knew lay underneath those white boxer briefs, as well as of his father's thick penis. Both he and Mason were envious of their father's endowment. As children they would often wonder aloud if they would ever be as big as their father. It was a disappointment to both when it became clear they never would be.
Leith idly moved his open palm over the clipped hair of his father's chest, and smiled. His father stirred. Leith knew his father liked the feeling and puzzled at why he seemed to shy away from close contact with him. 'It can't just be the sauna-thing,' he thought. 'There's something more going on here, than that.'
'He was afraid to hold me last night, when we were standing in the living room,' he thought, continuing to hold his father in a loose embrace. 'I could see it in his eyes reflected in the window. He wanted to hold me, but he was afraid.' Leith squinted as the sun was now shining directly in his face. He turned over and backed up against his father, loving the feeling of the bare skin against his back. Soon Mikko too turned over, moving close to Leith and rubbing his hand over Leith's skin, from his stomach to his chest. Mikko moaned low in his throat and pressed closer.
Both men lay quietly, Leith drifting into a light slumber. "Holy shit!" Leith started awake at the sound of his father's surprised voice. He propped himself up on an elbow, turning a puzzled look over his shoulder to see his father walking quickly toward the bathroom, muttering to himself.
'I wonder what the problem is?' he thought, lying back against the pillow with his hands behind his head, staring at the bedroom ceiling. The sound of the shower in the bathroom made this seem like an ordinary morning. The only thing missing was the fragrance of coffee being brewed. He closed his eyes. Something was wrong between him and his father. He felt it last night, standing in the living room. His father was afraid to touch him.
Suddenly, he could stand it no longer. He threw back the covers and stretched. Running his fingers through his hair, he walked toward the bathroom and stood outside the doorway, able to see the naked form of his father as he showered, the steam billowing over the top of the shower enclosure. After a moment he stepped into the bathroom, picking up his father's towel and hoisted himself up onto the vanity countertop, dangling his legs over the edge. Once or twice he saw his father glance at him but neither man spoke. Finally, Mikko shut off the water and opened the door, looking for his towel.
Leith grinned and cleared his throat, drawing his father's attention. When Mikko looked up, Leith pointed to the towel lying on the counter. Mikko noted the mischievous smile and held out his hand, remaining in the shower, partially covered by the shower's door. Leith's grin broadened and he shook his head. It seemed Mikko would have to come out of the shower to get the towel. All of this only took a couple seconds, but Leith became even more convinced something was wrong. Finally, Mikko became exasperated and stepped from the shower, taking the few steps to take the towel from Leith's outstretched hand. Leith chuckled, but quickly became serious as he watched his father dry himself.
"Dad." He paused until his father looked up from drying his hair, the towel partially obscuring his face. "Why are you afraid to touch me . . . or for me to see you naked? You've always been sorta modest, but you've become more so." Leith gripped the front of the vanity counter and leaned forward. "Why?" When his father said nothing, Leith continued. "I thought you were modest 'cause of Mom . . . you know? But why now when it's just the two of us?"
Mikko finished drying his hair in silence then turned, running his fingers through the curls and headed toward the bedroom. "I don't want to talk about it, Leith." His voice continued, though Leith couldn't see him. "It has nothing to do with you." Leith could hear his father rummaging about in one of his dresser drawers.
"I think it does have something to do with me," Leith called from the bathroom, jumping from the counter and walking into the bedroom. He leaned against the dresser, crossing his arms and feet at the ankles, ignoring the fact he was naked. "Is it 'cause you know I'm gay?"
Mikko snorted, shaking his head and pulled up his underwear, adjusting himself in the pouch.
"Well then, why? I'm not gonna jump you, you know, just 'cause you're naked. Is that what you're afraid of?" Leith watched as his father moved aimlessly about the room. Finally, he sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed. Mikko leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and avoided looking at his son.
"Well?" Leith prompted. "Are you afraid I'll jump you?" Mikko shook his head, still staring at the carpet.
"No, that's not it."
"Okay, then tell me what the problem is." Leith watched his father struggle to say something. He opened his mouth but shut it before trying again.
"Leith," he sighed, looking up at his son. "I'm afraid I may jump you, not the other way round."
"Oh." The room was quiet for a moment as Leith thought through what had been said. "Well, why would that be so bad if you did?"
Mikko looked up as if he couldn't believe his ears. "You're my son, that's why. Fathers are not supposed to have sexual relations with their sons." He stood and took a few steps toward the door as if he were going to leave the room. Leith continued to lean against the dresser watching as he moved to the bedroom door then paused and turned back.
"Leith, what's gotten into you? You're standing there naked as the day you were born. You want to sleep with me." Mikko walked back into the room and stood before his son with a puzzled look on his face. "Like I said, what's gotten into you?"
"Nothing's gotten into me, Dad. I asked to sleep with you last night 'cause of the trial. I couldn't sleep." He looked down. "I missed Mason. I wanted some comfort." He looked up again to see his father standing in front of him with his arms crossed.
"But you were naked, Leith. Just like now. Why?" Now, Leith was truly puzzled.
"Why is me being naked such a big deal all of a sudden? You've seen me naked all my life; when we've been at home or when we've been at the gym or at the sauna. I've seen you too. Why is being naked an issue now? It never has been before." Leith moved away from the dresser and began to walk around the room. "I'm not ashamed of my body, Dad. You taught both Mason and me that being naked was okay, 'in the appropriate places,' you always said. Well, I'm at home. We don't have guests. There isn't anyone to be bothered by me being naked but you." He walked to the bed and sat cross-legged, patting the space in front of him, inviting his father to sit down. Mikko gingerly lowered himself to the bed, flicking the briefest of glances at his son. He stayed more than an arm's length away. Leith suppressed a grin, but was disturbed at the way his father was behaving.
"Dad," Leith leaned forward, speaking calmly. "There's more going on with you than being upset at me being naked . . . isn't there? This all has more to do with you being afraid." Mikko turned his head slightly, giving his son a sideways glance. "You said a minute ago, you were afraid you might jump me. That's the real problem, isn't it, the real reason you're afraid of touching me, of me asking to be comforted, of you seeing me naked? You're afraid of me, afraid you might do something you may regret."
"Leith, father's do not have sex with their sons!" Mikko stood and began to pace back and forth.
"Okay, okay, we've covered that already. I'm not asking you to. Just 'cause I'm gay doesn't mean I want to have sex with anyone that is lucky enough to have a dick!" . . . He paused a moment and then grinned. "It only means I can fantasize about having sex with those people." Mikko snorted, shaking his head, but smiling nonetheless.
"Dad, I'm not a child! I can understand those incest rules for kids, but I'm an adult. I'm not asking you to have sex, but if we did, it would not be abuse on your part. It would be the same as if you were having sex with any other adult. The fact that I'm your son wouldn't mean anything."
Mikko looked at him incredulously. "Okay, Leith smiled. It would mean something." He looked at his father slyly. "I think it would be hot." Mikko snorted once again. Even though the two of them were involved in a serious discussion, it was wonderful to see Leith in a better mood.
"No, it would not be hot. Having sex with my son is totally different than having sex with a guy I'm not related to."
"Why? It's only different in your mind. You're letting the fact we're related make a difference to you. We're both adults, Dad. I may only be eighteen, but I am an adult." Leith paused a moment, suddenly stilled by what he had been arguing about.
"Wait a minute."
Mikko looked up and smiled grimly. "I wondered how long it would take for you to realize the depth of what I said earlier."
"This isn't just a theoretical talk we're having is it?" Mikko shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck. "I didn't know you even thought about sex with guys," Leith continued in a slightly hushed voice. "Are we talking about sex with guys in general . . . or me in particular."
"Guys," Mikko mumbled, fidgeting and looking anywhere but at his son.
"Oh." Leith sat quietly for a few moments, then looked up, smiling. "I'm not sure whether to be pleased or insulted," he chuckled. Mikko raised his eyebrows asking for an explanation.
"Pleased that you're gay, or insulted that I'm not so irresistible that I'm the only guy you want." Leith chuckled as he spoke, then began laughing, playfully punching his father on the shoulder.
"Gay, huh?"
Mikko nodded, but made no comment.
"Must run in the family, eh?" Mikko remained silent. "Since when?"
His father shrugged. "All my life, really. . . . Joel and I . . . we'll . . . we felt, feel about each other what you and your brother did."
"Uncle Joel?" Leith paused a moment and bowed his head. "Wow, I didn't know."
"When Mom was alive . . . did you?"
"No, never . . . well, only that once with you, Joel and Brett. That's the only time. . . . with anyone."
"And you've felt guilty about that time ever since, haven't you?" Leith leaned forward. "That's what all this is about isn't it?" He held his arms out to his side, as if encompassing them both. "You're feeling guilty. . . . You've always felt guilty about that time, haven't you?
Mikko nodded, turning away.
"Why . . . 'cause of Mom?" Mikko shook his head. "Then why? Uncle Joel was pleased. Brett wanted it. So did I. So what's the problem?"
"Leith, you're my son."
"So? Dad, we've been over that part already, remember? Besides, all we did was beat off."
"That's not all, and you know it."
Leith smiled, his grey eyes twinkling. "Well, we kissed a little too." . . . Satisfied?" He asked, holding out his arms to his side and smiling. "We all still wanted it. No one was forced to do anything. I had a great time by the way." Leith smiled brightly and leaned close to his father, lowering his voice.
"You know, that was the first time I ever came?" He nudged Mikko, smiling broadly and wiggling his eyebrows before he began laughing.
"Geez," Mikko said, covering his eyes and flopping back on the bed. "You know just the thing to make me feel like shit. Thanks Leith. Next time I need to be kicked in the chest, I'll come looking for you."
"I told you I enjoyed it. There is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty! What do I have to say to you to let you know that the only problem with that day is in your own head!" Leith tapped his father lightly on the forehead. "There's nothing I can do to make you stop feeling guilty. Only you can do that by realizing everything's cool."
"Did you ever tell Mason?"
"No," was the immediate reply. "You, Mom?"
"No."
"Dad, Mason often wondered what it would be like to have sex with you. I never told him how wonderful it could be." Leith suddenly became quiet. "Mason . . . " he choked, closing his mouth and shook his head, unable to go on. Mikko watched in silence for a moment as his son tried to gain control of his emotions, finally reaching out and resting his hand on Leith's leg, lending his emotional support.
Leith took a couple deep breaths to calm himself. "Sorry, Dad, that happens at the most unexpected times."
"I understand. Happens to me too. Once while I was in court." Leith's eyes grew large. "The judge, a friend of mine, figured out what was happening and called a hasty recess. He invited me and the other attorney into his chambers and explained to my opponent why the recess was called . . . about your mother and Mason, and all." Leith grimly nodded. "He couldn't have called just me into his chambers without legal ramifications for the case we were arguing. So . . . I understand. Now, you'd better get into the shower so we can go get some breakfast." Leith smiled, jumping off the bed and walking into the bathroom, the pale white skin of his ass cheeks contrasting with the rest of his body which was tanned from his summer job as a lifeguard.
Mikko heard the shower start and the shower door close. 'I do feel guilty, Leith,' he thought as he lay back again. 'The time in the sauna is part of it, but what I really feel guilty over is I still want you.' Mikko turned his head to the side and groaned aloud. "You're my son. . . . I'll never touch you, and the fact I can't love you like I want is killing me."
~To be continued.~
As with my earlier story, 'Phalen,' (Nifty College Section) I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my work. I would also like to thank Carey for his ceaseless efforts to make me a better writer, Gwynne for her daily doses of humor and her insights into the characters, and Larry in Finland for helping me with the Finnish language and for being a good friend. Writing may be a solitary endeavor, but the thoughts of each of these people, as well as you, the story's readers, affect the story's course.
I always welcome email from readers and enjoy hearing your thoughts. If you would like me to send a pic of the character(s) please email me.
NOTE: This story happens during the same period of time as the 'Phalen' story. As 'Phalen' ends, the two story's timelines will coincide and this story will take over. Confused? I hope not.
Thanks for reading.
Roy roynm@mac.com