This story is entirely fictional, and any resemblances to actual persons are completely coincidental. Actual locations are mentioned, and are used for 'background' only.
This story happens during the period of time when my earlier story, 'Phalen,' ends.
Many of the character's names are Finnish. For those who wish to know how they are pronounced, read on.
Mikko - MEEK-ko Paavo - PAW-vo Joel - YOE-el Halonen - HALL-oh-nen Leith - LEE-th
Roy roynm@mac.com suomalainen@mac.com
Leith - chapter 10
Mikko entered his brother's house from the garage. The place was silent, seemingly deserted, a condition which pleased him. He hummed a tune as he walked through the silent house to his room and began to change into something more comfortable. The colors of the evening sky caught his attention and he stood at the sliding doors that led to the back yard to stare in wonder at the spectacle. Only moments before the sun had sunk below the mountains painting the sky a vivid kaleidoscope of pinks, yellows and oranges. 'Geez, we never had anything to compare with this in Chicago.' A flock of birds swooped past, black silhouettes against a sky punctuated by a nearby row of palms. He sighed in contentment and continued to stare out the window entranced by the spectacle. After the strange breakfast with his brother and sister-in-law, the day had turned out well. He enjoyed his visit with Larry and he had begun to get the feel of the city by driving around, considering where he might like to live.
He looked across the yard, his attention drawn to the sound of laughter, and noticed his son and nephew near the pool, lying on a couple large beach towels in the deepening shadows. Brett was on his side, propped up on an elbow gesturing wildly with his free hand. After a moment, Leith began laughing and reached out to push at his cousin as if he wanted to start a wrestling match. Brett dramatically fell back on the towel, his laughter joining Leith's. After a moment, Leith crawled into Brett's welcoming embrace as they gently kissed.
Mikko was entranced by the sight of the two young men, and was reminded of the situation in which he now found himself with his brother. When he accepted the opportunity his company offered to come to Phoenix and set up the new office, he thought being with his brother would solve his problems. Instead, after only a couple days together, his problems seemed to have magnified.
Mikko inhaled deeply and watched as Leith moved to a cross-legged position and gestured for Brett to move close. In no time, Brett had shifted positions and was now lying on his back with his head in his cousin's lap. Leith casually caressed his cousin's chest as they talked. Mikko smiled and slipped on his own Speedo swimsuit and headed out to join the boys.
Leith looked up and waved a greeting as his father approached. Leith's yellow suit contrasted with his dark tan, while Brett's dark red suit was also a contrast, only this time with his pale skin. "Hey, Dad! How's the new office look?" Mikko sank into a cross-legged position and reached out to ruffle his son's unruly black hair. Leith made a face and a half-hearted attempt to bat his father's hand away. Brett watched the interaction with a smile as he sat up and scooted close to Leith glancing from father to son.
"There isn't any office yet, just a big open space. I did meet one of the attorneys from the firm next door to ours. He seems like a really nice guy." Mikko leaned forward and whispered. "And, he's a hunk." Both boys chuckled at the description, and to hear Mikko use it.
Leith studied his father with a mischievous grin. "So . . . is that why you were gone all day? Uncle Joel was beginning to think maybe you'd gotten lost or something."
"Larry, that's the other attorney, and I did visit for quite a while. We had some coffee at his office and later he took me to lunch, but no, that's not why I've been gone so long. I was scouting around the University area to see what kind of housing is available. I'm thinking I'd like a loft or something, and I wanted to see what's available. I don't want to take care of a yard, and I'd like someplace close to the school so you won't have to sorry about parking."
"That'd be cool. Hey, maybe Brett could come live with us? You think?" Mikko made a calming gesture.
"Not so fast guys. We don't want to shake up your mother too much, Brett, so while I have no problem with Leith's idea, let's keep quiet about it for the present . . . deal? Besides, I haven't purchased anything yet." Both boys nodded. Once again, he lowered his voice and turned to his nephew.
"How'd things go with your mother, Brett? Joel told me this morning that she saw you both last night in the pool." Brett shrugged and tugged at a blade of grass which he began to run through his fingers.
"She seemed cool, though I think she's still in shock or something. At least she wasn't yelling or crying or stuff. In fact, she was awfully quiet. She seemed to be more interested in Leith than the gay thing." Mikko turned to his son who nodded in agreement. Brett continued. "She ran her fingers through his hair like she wanted to smooth it and then almost caressed his cheek. She was looking at him all weird."
"I thought maybe she wanted to jump in the sack," Leith teased, "just to test out whether I was really gay." He laughed at Brett's scandalized expression. "I was ready to tell her I don't think the equipment would work if I was with a woman, not to mention the fact that she's my aunt!" He smiled during a slight shudder, and then ducked away from his cousin's playful punch to the shoulder.
"Your equipment worked fine with me," Brett teased. He held out a placating hand. "I know, I know, I'm not a woman," Brett chuckled.
"You can say that again." Brett paused, and seemed pleased with his cousin's comment.
"Anyway, Uncle Mikko," Brett continued, interrupting his story briefly to glance once more at Leith. Even in the dim light, Mikko could see his nephew's blush when Leith smiled brightly and wiggled his eyebrows. "Mom asked us to break her in slowly."
"So . . . no kissing in front of her, at least for a couple days," Leith added. "That's no problem. We go into Mr. Studly's bedroom to do our kissing." Brett's smile broadened further at Leith's comment, and grew even wider when Leith reached out and took his cousin's hand. Mikko wondered if Leith was consciously making comments to bolster his cousin's self-image. He wouldn't be surprised if that were the case.
Brett looked over his shoulder, toward the house and then turned back to his uncle. "Did you and Dad kiss a lot when you were younger? You didn't the other day." Mikko smiled at Brett's choice of words.
"Neither your dad or I are ready for the old age home quite yet, Brett, but yes. Your father is a great kisser. The other day we were sort of in a hurry, and kissing wasn't high on our agenda. We hadn't done anything with one another, other than that time in the sauna, since before either of you were born. And, when we were in the sauna we didn't touch each other."
"Yesterday had to be the hottest thing I've ever seen," Brett spoke quietly. "For sure." Leith nodded agreement, grinning at his father.
"A good show, Dad." Mikko shook his head slowly and rubbed the back of his neck as he absorbed what his son and nephew had just said.
"It was certainly exciting for me as well, though in retrospect, I don't think it was the wisest thing for us to do." He hastily added. "I'm not sorry about letting you guys watch us. I think that was exciting. I'm talking about your father and me doing anything at all. I feel as if I'm possibly putting Joel in a position where he's going to be torn between your mom and me. That's not what I want." Brett nodded and thought for a moment.
"Once you get your own place, couldn't you guys see each other once in a while, you know . . . to fool around? I mean, Mom doesn't have to know, and if that would satisfy both of you. Wouldn't that work?" Mikko nodded.
"Yes, we could do that." Mikko thought for a moment, noticing the pool lights come on, casting a blue glow over them. "Guys." He heaved a sigh. "I'm not talking only about finding ways we can fool around behind your mother's back. I'm bothered by questions of trust and truth. Your mother trusts your father, Brett. She trusts me as well. Whenever Joel and I would fool around I would be thinking how I'm not worthy of her trust. She might never know what I'd done, but I would. I care about what your mother thinks of me, but I care more about what I know about myself."
"I also feel as if your father and I could very easily get into something we can't control. It would probably be best if we never had sex again." He looked at Leith and then Brett and smiled. "That's my brain speaking." He pointed to his forehead. "When my dick does the thinking, I want something entirely different. Men tend to have the problem of not thinking enough with the brain up here." He tapped his forehead.
"I'm wondering if Joel and I will be able to maintain a clear head now that we're in the same town. I thought we could, otherwise I wouldn't have moved here . . . but after feeling him . . . inside me, yesterday, I'm not sure." I would like to have everything back to the way it was when we were in college. I know I can't have what I want. Neither can your father. We have to resign ourselves to the situation and come up with a solution that will work for both of us, and not hurt your mom or brothers. When all is said and done, we also have to be able to live with ourselves.
"Are you talking to us, Dad, or to yourself?" Mikko grinned and shrugged, shifting position, so he was lying on his side, facing the two boys.
"Both, I guess. Sometimes it's good to hear your thoughts spoken in order to help make things more clear."
"So, Dad. Have things become clear yet? Mikko thought a moment and then shook his head with a wry grin.
Silvery moonlight streamed into the darkened bedroom through the glass doors. A gentle breeze slowly caused the sheer drapery on either side of the doors to billow slightly into the room. The two men, spent from an evening of making love, were sprawled on top of the white sheets. Leith was lying on his back with his left hand behind his head, staring at the ceiling. Brett was snuggled close; his right leg extended across his cousin's and his head resting in the crook of Leith's shoulder. His right arm was draped across the tanned width of Leith's smooth chest. Leith gave his cousin a contented grin while he lovingly caressed Brett's shoulder with his right hand
"Your thoughts?" Brett murmured the question without looking up. He felt his cousin take a deep breath and then release it slowly.
"Don't know. I'm troubled by something Dad said earlier, I guess." He sighed. "I'm also troubled by my being troubled." Brett shifted position and propped himself up on his left elbow. Leith looked at him and grinned.
"Brett." Leith moved into a cross-legged position facing his cousin. "Dad was talking about truthfulness and being trustworthy." Brett nodded and took his cousin's hand, holding it in a loose grip. "He hasn't been totally honest with me . . . about Mom and Mason." He took a deep breath and then continued. "About how they died." Leith looked toward the square of moonlight and the slowly moving drapery.
"It's not all Dad's fault. I haven't wanted him to tell me everything. I haven't asked."
"I'm sure he would tell you. If you're sure you want to know the details, I'm sure he would tell you whatever he knows. The question is, do you really want to know?" Leith heaved a shrug.
"How can I be sure what I want? Maybe he doesn't know any more than he's already told me . . . but I doubt it." Leith squirmed a bit, trying to find a more comfortable position.
"I told you about how I learned things in court that Dad hadn't told me." Brett nodded. "Well, I wonder if there is more. Does he think I can't handle whatever it is? He talked about honesty today and being able to live with himself. Do you suppose he's feeling any guilt for keeping things from me?" Brett squeezed his cousin's hand, focusing his attention.
"Leith, listen to me. You don't know that your Dad knows something he hasn't told you. If he does know something, he's probably keeping things secret for a good reason, most likely because he knows how much you can handle. I mean look how much what you do know has affected you. If he does know something more, maybe he's not telling you because you could end up totally overwhelmed." He held up a hand to forestall a comment and then continued. "Leith, it sounds to me like you're thinking that nothing could be worse than not knowing the details about what happened to Mason and your mom. I don't think that's necessarily right. I can imagine that knowing the details could be way worse than not knowing." He held up his hand again.
"Wait, let me finish. Right now, you know they were," he swallowed, "executed. Isn't that awful enough? Even if your Dad does know more details, is it necessary for you to know that information too? I mean, how will it help you?"
"Already, you have nightmares about what happened." Leith looked up with a surprised expression. Brett nodded grimly. "If there is more to the story, it could only be worse stuff, or your Dad would have already told you." He scooted closer to Leith.
"Your mind is already messed up enough by this whole thing. Do you want to do anything to cause yourself more anxiety? Leith, listen to me. Your decision not only affects you, but your father and me too. I don't want to see you hurt any more than you already have been. Right now, your mind is like an . . . an open wound. If you absolutely feel you have to ask your Dad, go ahead and do it, but give your mind a chance to do a little healing first. When the nightmares stop and the crying stops, maybe you'll be better able to face things. You also have to remember that you don't know that there is anything more to know, and you can't ask if there is without then asking what it is that he hasn't told you."
"Sometimes Leith, the things you already know, terrible as they are, may not be as terrible as the things you don't know. You have to look out after yourself. I'm here to stand beside you, but don't go begging for trouble."
"What d'ya think K?" Thian held the door to the University gymnastics facility open for his brother. They waved a greeting to a couple of their teammates and headed to the locker room, absorbed in conversation. Practice was a daily ritual for a gymnast. A generous portion of every day since the twins were twelve had been devoted to perfecting their art.
Today though, they were preoccupied. "I can't believe Dad's taking things so calmly." They waved a greeting to a few more of their teammates as they made their way to their lockers. Kerin rested a hand on his brother's shoulder as he passed, winking at his twin's smile. "They seem so right for each other. I mean, I don't remember ever seeing Dad so happy as during the time he was seeing Larry." Thian nodded.
Kerin set his gym bag on the bench and began to strip. "Geez, I don't know what to think. Dad's always been the person to break things off with someone. I don't think he's quite accepted the idea that someone can do the same thing to him." He hung his street clothes in the locker and bent over to rummage about in his bag searching for his jockstrap. Thian watched his twin's movements as he too changed clothes.
People always said they had trouble telling the identical twins apart, but Thian knew there were differences. Kerin's pale brown eyes always twinkled with suppressed amusement. Thian knew his eyes lacked that quality. Kerin was always laughing or teasing, most often using himself as the butt of a joke. Thian tended to be more serious. He enjoyed his brother's antics but was not the type to emulate them.
They both were deeply in love with one another, and had been for as long as either could remember. A couple times, Thian had found himself attracted to another man. He had never done anything with anyone other than his brother . . . but he had been tempted. As far as he knew, Kerin had never even been tempted, and had never interfered when Thian told him of his sexual fantasies. Kerin had always given him a gentle smile and had put his arm around his shoulder and told him he'd support whatever decision Thian made. The decision had always been to remain faithful to his brother. The older he got, the more difficult it became for him to imagine becoming interested in someone else.
As twins and gymnasts, their bodies alone could have gotten them anyone they wished. They moved with the grace and control of a dancer, backs straight, shoulders back, exuding confidence with every move. Both sported a golden tan and dark blond hair with light highlights. They had their father's pale brown eyes and ready smile, but unlike their father, their bodies were totally smooth making them look younger than their twenty-one years.
Kerin pulled on his jockstrap, arranged himself in its pouch, and began searching for his training shorts. He glanced at Thian and hummed his appreciation of his brother's body as he lovingly ran his open palm over Thian's perfectly smooth butt.
"I never get tired of seeing you naked, T. It's too bad we have to practice. I sure would like to have you sit on my face some more." Thian laughed and playfully slapped his brother's hand away. It wouldn't take much for Kerin to cause him to become erect and he didn't need that distraction heading into a four-hour practice.
He placed his hand on his brother's forehead, as if checking for a fever. "I thought you had your hormone levels checked recently. For some reason, they seem on overdrive. I never thought we'd get out of the house this morning, you were so sexed-up."
Kerin laughed and placed his brother's hand on the pouch of his jock. "This is where you check for hormone levels, T, and you're right, every time I see you naked, my hormone levels go into overdrive. Doesn't happen with anyone else. Just you." He swatted at his brother's bare butt. "Now, cover yourself up. We were talking about Dad. I don't need you distracting me."
"I've been thinking, K." Thian pulled on his jock and training shorts and then sat on the bench, preparing to put on his shoes and socks. His brother had already finished dressing and sat facing Thian, a mirror image, straddling the wooden bench. They could hear shouts and laughter from lockers a few rows away, but otherwise, they were alone.
"Thinking b'out what? Dad?"
"In a way, but more about us." Kerin scooted closer.
"Tell me." Thian shrugged and ran one of his socks through his fingers while he ordered his thoughts.
"We," he pointed to his brother then himself. "When it comes to relationships, we've had things pretty easy. There have been a couple guys I've . . . thought about someone else." He grimaced slightly and Kerin nodded with a solemn expression. "But, I've never done more than think. You've been the only person, other than Dad, I've ever loved, and I've never had sex with him."
Kerin grinned and momentarily rested his hand on his brother's knee.
"K, are we prepared . . .?" Thian hesitated. "Are we prepared if either of us develops serious feelings for someone? If it ever . . . happens, I don't want us to lose each other." His voice caught in his throat.
"You know what I have nightmares about?" Kerin returned his hand to his brother's knee and shook his head. Thian had stopped running the sock through his fingers and was now sitting motionless. "I have nightmares about having to live in a world. . ." His voice cracked. "Of having to live in a world, without you." He licked his lips and bowed his head.
"If we ever . . . fall for someone . . . else . . . either of us. K, we have to find a way to stay together." Once again his voice cracked. Kerin studied his brother closely. Thian tended to be a little more serious than he, but was seldom this serious.
"T," he asked gently. "Is there a reason you're thinking of this sort of thing now? Are you thinking you might be interested in someone?" Thian looked at his brother with a surprised expression.
"No, not me. I've been thinking about Dad, and how he's trying to put a brave face on having ended his relationship with Larry. He seems to always be going through this sort of thing. It takes a toll on him, as well as us. I couldn't face having to go through anything like Dad's going through because one of us became interested in someone else and we hadn't talked about how we might handle it." He leaned forward and took Kerin's hand.
"I don't want to lose you, K. Not ever.
"Hello, Mother." Susan was in the backyard with her cell phone pressed to her ear. "How are the boys? Have they run you and Dad ragged yet?" Peggy laughed.
"Not me! Your father is another story. They convinced him he should get out of bed before the crack of dawn to go on a hike with them over in South Mountain Park. They're planning on being gone most of the day."
"How are the house guests working out? How are young Leith, and Mikko? Are they learning to cope with Julie and Mason's death?" Before Susan could answer, her mother continued. "Nasty business. I hope they string those guys up by their nuts." Susan laughed at her mother's vehement voice.
"Mother! I didn't realize you felt so strongly." She laughed slightly. Joel echoes your sentiments, except he has them hung from their kives (KIV-ess), same thing as nuts, just a different word. He's said a bunch of other stuff but I don't understand what he's saying. Whenever he wants to keep something from me, he begin speaking that language."
"That language?" Peggy waited for a response that did not come. Finally she sighed, unwilling to enter the language argument once again.
"Well, how are they doing . . . Mikko and Leith?" Peggy waited for an answer. After a moment she coaxed. "Susan? Is something wrong?"
"Mom, I don't know. I want to say yes one moment, and no the next. So, I don't know." Susan sat on one of the chairs next to the pool and watched the house. She wanted to see if her husband was nearby.
"Hmm," Peggy commented. Susan could imagine her mother's pursed lips. She knew her mother was heading for the den and her favorite chair when she heard the sound of her mother's footsteps on the wooden floors of the house. After a moment Peggy sighed. "Okay, I'm sitting down. So, let's talk." Susan took a deep breath.
"Mother, I discovered Brett's gay. So is Leith. I happened to see them both . . . kissing, in the middle of the night, standing out by the pool. They were naked. It turns out Joel already knew about Brett and he tells me Mikko already knew about Leith. No one saw fit to tell me about anything." Once again she took another deep breath.
"Hmm, I'd wondered if Brett was gay. He's so quiet and reserved though, one never knows what he's thinking." Susan chuckled.
"Well, he's not quiet and reserved any longer. He's laughing and teasing . . . and wanting to hold Leith's hand. Mother, he looks at Leith as if he were some sort of god or something. In the space of only a couple days I have a different son. His brothers aren't going to recognize him when they return home."
"Are you pleased with the transformation, dear? You sound as if you are."
"Again, yes . . . and no."
"You mean yes, but you'd rather have the transformation without Brett being gay. Am I right?" Susan ignored her mother's question.
"Mother, Joel tells me, and I believe him, that Leith has spent much of his time since he's gotten here, crying on Brett's shoulder. I'm sure that his mother and brother's death have caused most of the trouble, but Joel tells me that just before the deaths, Leith was separated from another boy who couldn't or wouldn't return his affections. Apparently, Leith's been an emotional wreck and his father hasn't been able to help. Of course, he's been dealing with his own problems. Joel tells me Brett has been able to help Leith."
"I casually mentioned to Leith how sorry I was to hear he had lost someone, and he instantly changed. Mother, I mean instantly. I've never seen anything like it."
"Susan!" Peggy's voice was sharp. "Did you say something to the boy just to check if Joel was telling you the truth? I hope not!"
"I apologized."
"Sometimes an apology is not good enough! Some things should never be said in the first place. You should have taken your husband's word that Leith is in a fragile emotional state." She sighed in exasperation. "Sometimes, Susan . . . " She let the sentence trail off, unfinished. After a moment the tone of her voice changed dramatically.
"Poor dear. No one should have to go through what he and his father have faced." Peggy was silent for a few moments, waiting for her daughter to pick up the conversation. "There's more isn't there, dear?" Susan found herself nodding but unable to speak.
"It's Joel, Mother. Something's going on. I don't know what it is, but ever since Mikko announced he was moving to Phoenix, Joel has been behaving strangely. Suddenly, he and Brett have become very close. They take walks together. They swim together. They sit up until early in the morning talking in Joel's study. They never did that before."
"So?" Peggy asked, with a chuckle. "It sounds like a healthy father-son relationship to me. Joel and Brett have always been close. Now that Brett's an adult, they have more things in common than when he was a child. I imagine you'll find the same thing happening with Glenn and Kent as they get a little older." Susan sighed.
"It's not only Joel, Mother. It's Mikko too. They have a . . . connection . . . I don't understand. I feel left out. I'm an observer, not a participant. It's as if they have a separate life that's carrying on, independent of me. Whatever it is that Joel has with Brett, he also has with Mikko. And don't tell me it's a man thing. I don't want to hear that."
"Susan," Peggy said in a stern voice. "You personally know there are such things as women things. Are men not allowed to have similar . . . things? Be reasonable, dear. Mikko and Joel were always close as they were growing up, much more so than with their younger brother. You told me that. They lived together while they were in college, and they've kept close even though they've lived at opposite ends of the country. Dear, they're brothers, close brothers. That doesn't mean either of them is trying to shut you out. It's been years since they've seen each other. Let them have their time together. After a while, if you feel your husband's ignoring you, speak to him, but Mikko's only been in town for a few days. Things'll get back to normal soon."
"I don't know, Mother. What about Brett?"
"What about him? He's a grown boy. So is Leith. From what I remember, Leith is a good person. Maybe you should be pleased your son is interested in someone as good as Leith, rather than someone you're not comfortable with." Peggy paused a moment. "That is what you were asking, isn't it, dear? You weren't thinking about trying to convince him he's taking the wrong path or some other nonsense . . . were you?"
"Mother . . . "
"Don't, Susan. You know better than that. If you start interfering in your son's life, you . . . all of us . . . will regret it. I love Brett. I know you do as well. Let him live his life. Support him. If he comes to you and asks your opinion about something, give it to him, but don't butt in where your opinion is not asked for . . . or needed."
"Mother . . . "
"Susan, you sound like a petulant child. Dear, did you call me to ask my opinion or to have me tell you what you wish to hear? Sometimes, they are one in the same. Today, they're not. You accept and appreciate my opinions when you agree with them. You should be willing to do the same when you don't agree with them."
~ to be continued ~
Thank you for taking the time to read my work. I've been amazed at how many of you have contacted me about 'Leith' and my other story, 'Phalen.' I always welcome your email and enjoy hearing your thoughts. If you would like me to send a pic of the character(s), please ask.
Best wishes,
Roy Reinikainen roynm@mac.com suomalainen@mac.com