Leaving Home

Leaving Home (part 4) by Chris (aka Crispy Toast)

OK, the last one closed with a lot of questions unanswered! But before I go on, let me introduce someone to you. He's going to write the first bit then I'll resume from there. I hope you'll like him, as I do.

DISCLAIMERS

Health warning: Don't do drugs. Drugs are bad, m'kay?

Explicit warning: Contains descriptions of two guys above the age of consent doing stuff. The age of consent in Western Australia is 16, the same age I was at the time of this story. - Chris

Part 4a - Mirko's Story by Mirko

(This section leads into the middle of Chris's Chapter 1. If you've started here and haven't yet read that, I would strongly suggest reading that then coming back. As Chris and I have talked a fair bit in recent weeks, many of my own recollections are in Chris's own telling of the events, so I am looking more to just fill in the gaps.)

Hi. I prefer not to give my name, but you can call me Mirko if you like. It, like my real name, and me, for that matter, is Serbian.

Firstly, let me share a bit of myself with you! I am 19 and I live in the northern suburbs of Perth, Western Australia. I am a migrant to this country, but if I spoke to you, you really wouldn't know - I speak perfect Australian English and my choice of fashion, music and most other things as well as my political opinions pegs me as a cosmopolitan, "latte left" middle-class Australian, although I love and take pride in my home country and its language and literature. I LOVE going out to cafes with friends, I'm big on the arts and culture and love feature films, and I also love to cook - in the summer holidays I work at a cafe in one of the trendier strips in Perth and I've recently started learning some "back of house" operations there like how to balance the accounts. I'm a uni student doing a degree in Social Sciences, and I live with my older sister and her family, including an adorable little boy of 4 whom I look after in the afternoons upon my return from university, before his mum gets home.

What do I look like? Um, good question! I'm not the time to spend much time in front of the mirror, I'm usually too busy being out and about. I'm 5'11", about 74 or 75 kilograms (163-165 pounds), dark hair, brown eyes... I look after myself rather well, I like my Joop deodorant, my Oil of Ulan and Sorbolene in the shower and just a dash of Armani cologne to spice things up. I do try for clothes which make me look good, and my sister is invaluable at helping me choose and match them!

Oh, yeah, and I'm gay. I used to be quite careful who I told, but now I'm actually fairly open. I didn't really have much of a problem with it - I was always a bit of an academic type at school although I did have a few friends who I spent my time with, so opportunities were a bit thin on the ground and there wasn't much room for people to guess. But then I got a very high score in my final exams and went to university, and a lot of random people started taking an interest, but I was very choosy and waited nearly a year to lose my virginity, which I did almost eight months ago. I lived with my mother at that time, who had retreated into herself since my father left for Serbia six years ago and created in her home, mind and life a bastion of the Old Motherland in a form that didn't even exist in Serbia any more. As I became busier with university (and feature films, and work, and socialising...) what she saw as my "Western influences" displeased her.

My first boyfriend was a little unusual, I guess. He was 26, I was 18, but we bonded really well. He'd already completed his studies and he was a really smart and interesting guy with a lot of time for my random ramblings and opinions about things. He had an interest in Serbia and was quite keen to hear my perspectives on a lot of things including my experience as a migrant in Western Australian state schools. But all good things come to an end, and I think with my coming out more openly, what I was looking for changed. Let's be honest here, losing my virginity was a big deal and it had opened me up to desires, thoughts and possibilities... I was never one to sit still, I always wanted to explore new territory and do new things, and that started to get me in trouble as I got into drugs and the sorts of people who do them far too much. It was an interesting avenue to explore, but I'm glad I got out before I got too badly messed up.

Although... not before my mother managed to discover a pill in my pocket and meet a very obviously gay friend of mine who said some rather inopportune things which he thought she couldn't understand, and it was made rather clear to me that my home was my home no longer. That's a pretty big deal for a 19-year-old with only a casual job to deal with, and I am grateful to my sister for opening her home to me at that time. I think the shock of everything that happened in that time was enough to make me want to clean up my act, especially as a little kid was now looking to me as his uncle in the way that little kids generally look to adults they like and trust, and I had to look after myself better for his sake.

A couple of months later, a new semester, new lecturers, new books, and a new season of film festivals, theatre events, booked-out opening nights at the Lumiere and geeky Institute of Contemporary Art book club meetings to look forward to. It was winter, but not a particularly extreme one. I'd settled into life at my sister's and as long as I was available to look after my nephew and do some chores, I didn't have to pay board and had my own room and, during the day, almost complete privacy as everyone was at work or "playgroup" (why they renamed kindergarten, God only knows!)

I'd come home from a particularly draining two-hour lecture on research methods. My friends had wanted me to join them in the library, but going home, cooking up a family favourite for tonight's dinner (gulaš, the Serbian take on an old Hungarian favourite with LOTS of paprika and green peppers) and watching DVDs on the couch seemed altogether too appealing and I bailed. The routine was - bus, train, train, bus. I saved up my readings for uni for these journeys.

Anyway, after a mix-up with the bus, finally got to the first train and looked for an available seat. The first carriage was completely full so I wandered into the second and found a side-facing seat right away. I sat down and got out one of my books, and started highlighting the key words. However, it did not take me long to notice that a boy of about 16 in a hoodie, torn jeans and a fringe sitting opposite was looking straight at me - almost scanning me up and down, in fact! I was a bit concerned at first, but he made no move to get any closer, seemingly happy to stare at me, although averting my eyes when I looked at him. It was a bit awkward!

I got back to my reading, but I was not in a state to read. The questions in my mind about this boy were rolling around. Every time I looked up, he was looking at me, but would immediately avoid my gaze. As this became more frequent, I stole a couple of opportunities to look at him more closely. Behind the decidedly rough-around-the-edges appearance and dress, he was actually pretty cute. He was, I'm guessing, 5'8"ish - something that became more clear when I stood up - light brown hair, brown eyes and fairly slight build although not skinny as such. I still couldn't rationalise why he staring at me, but I didn't mind the attention, and it was only a short journey.

I stood up as the train arrived in Perth and couldn't help giving him a bit of a smile, mainly to try and cheer him up! He looked away and adopted a somewhat uncomfortable gaze at the floor. Poor kid, I thought, as I went to find my train home.

I'd just taken a seat and got out my book again to do the reading I'd managed to get myself completely distracted from, when I realised the same guy had magically appeared one seat forward on the opposite side (both facing forward). This time he avoided looking at me entirely, staring out the window. I resumed reading, although couldn't help looking at him a few times, he was quite easy on my eyes by now. About a minute before I got off, I thought I'd steal my last glance at him. His reaction - despite facing the window - was quite noticeable, just as it had been on the previous train - he looked bolt upright at the window, then as if the force of gravity was weighing on him, started studying a crushed Coke can on the floor! Oh my God, he'd been looking at my reflection the whole time!!

I got off the train at my usual station and was about to head up the escalator when I noticed the boy had gotten off and, strangely enough, was now waiting for the train back. This was beginning to puzzle me - as bizarre as it was starting to sound, it appeared he had followed me, had been looking at me across two trains, gotten off at my station and made plans to return to wherever he was going to go! If he had have had any ulterior motive (such as theft), he would have made himself known to me by now instead of just leaving. Oh my God, he must be gay too! I was starting to find his shyness cute now.

I walked over to him and, from behind him, said hi.

"Um, hi man." He was so nervous - and so cute. His voice had a mid-pitch register to it. Despite how I was feeling, I managed to maintain a confident manner, as it wouldn't do to freak him out. I convinced him to join me for a walk, and it became very clear to me that although he was obviously attracted to guys and, more particularly at this point, me, he clearly wasn't comfortable with it, and I would have to step very, very carefully if I wanted to be friends with him.

(This neatly attaches onto Chris's first chapter, at the words, "The two of us walked up the escalator".

The only comment I will make is that throughout the second and third chapters, I had developed quite an affection for Chris and thought about him a fair bit when he wasn't there, and my heart jumped a million miles when he sent me the SMS message, although I also came to realise I would have to accept that he did not see himself as gay, despite being quite willing to get very close to me, and that he had definite red-line boundaries which could not be crossed and I had to play carefully. I am going to skip to near the end of Chapter 3.)

Oh my God, what a day! Chris was full of surprises. I think he's far more curious about sex than he wants to admit, and it comes out when he's horny. Most of our time together today, it was like there was no inhibitions at all. He was passionate, he was cheeky, he was utterly amazing. I still can't believe he swallowed my cum! And fucked me, too!! Then there was the shower - I tried my luck, but hot as he wants to be, as he put it so bluntly on our first meeting, his "ass is off-limits".

He was never one to be terribly expressive but I knew he was enjoying this. After it was all over, around 1pm, he wanted to go outside for a smoke, and took up a position out of view near the laundry. He was out there for ages! I actually began to worry about him, but I got the definite feeling that he would think I was invading his space were I to investigate. I sat at the TV where I had a view of the back sliding (glass) door, and kept flicking glances to the door to see if he had returned.

Eventually he walked around and came back in. The smell of cigarettes hit me the moment the door opened - I have nothing against smokers, but it is pretty nasty when it's your home. I got up to greet him.

"Just DON'T, OK?" The words had an almost menacing tone. I didn't know what I'd done and I really hoped this wasn't an overreaction to the sex - I really wanted to see him again. As the next hour dragged slowly on, with glares, absences and finally his departure, I began to wonder if this was the end.

I had a good, solid cry in my bed when I got home from the train station after dropping him off after our awkward, silent journey. I missed him so badly! His face, his voice, his enthusiasm... I SO didn't want to lose him. I knew next to nothing about him but yet we had shared everything. Crazy? Perhaps. But I still wanted more, and the thought of losing him was tearing me up. Perhaps I shouldn't get involved with him after all. I care about him so much, though.

Part 4b - What's Done Is Done

Monday, 4pmish

Location: Mate's place Status: Stoned, lol Soundtrack: Coal Chamber "Loco"

I am lying on my mate Kieran's bedroom floor laughing my face off, like, going "what the fuck?" way too many times which just, like, makes me laugh even more, man. I haven't done cones for yonks but I've been chaining 'em all afternoon. Kieran keeps slapping me on the back and hugging me and, like, I don't even fucking care, it's just... lol. Like, um, I don't even like remember anything about the weekend... too much fucking Beam... and like I went to school, but um ... lol. Yeah I was kind of really sick and at lunch I went home and I somehow ended up here instead. Haha, Kieran and Ben are having like a stoned wrestling match, its like Man Power means, like, Don't Give A Fuck. So damned funny. I don't know how you'd even judge a winner, they keep falling over. They're such great mates. Need to burn this album too while I'm here, that is, when I can get up off the floor - lol.

Monday, 12amish

Location: My bedroom Status: Urgh :| Soundtrack: Ill Nino "Unreal"

I am so not going to school tomorrow. Oh, my head. And wh... like, I dunno. Last Friday. FUCK. Why can I not, like, just get over it? Yeah, I did some stuff. But like I keep getting hard thinking about it or I'll like think of Mirko's face and go all gooey and soft inside and want to hug him. It's all just so wrong. He's just a mate, for god's sake!

Tuesday, 6:30am

OK. FINE. I'm out of Beam, I can't ignore him any more. I sent him a damned SMS. Now I just want to put a pillow over my head and block out the whole world.

Tuesday, 11:00am

Status: :( Soundtrack: Opeth "Windowpane"

Why am I being so mean to him and like not replying to him? He's never been anything but nice to me. I was having fun with him, he made me feel good, like, why do I have to go and fuck it up by being weird about it? I've been crying for, like, half an hour now and I don't even know why. I don't even cry when I get hit, you know. I think I'll go snuggle a pillow. At least it can't hate me.

Just before midday on Tuesday, my phone rang, waking me up.

"Chris?" It was Mirko.

"Yeah..."

"Um, are you OK?" He sounded genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said in my best possible "fine" voice.

"Um..." He chuckled disbelievingly. "OK, then. Just was worried about you after your SMS."

"Nah, honestly, mate, I'm fine."

"You doing much today?"

I was out of Beam. "Nah..."

"Hey, you know, I've got the car with me and I just realised I'm actually not too far from you, so if..."

"You're not coming to my fucking h..."

"No! I wasn't meaning that at all! Like, those shops I dropped you off at."

"Um... How long?"

"An hour, maybe? I'm doing some notes up but I can come down after that."

"OK. I'll be there."

"See you then! Bye, Chris!" His voice had perked up and he sounded more like the cute, bouncy Mirko I was used to.

I stood up for the first time since last night and looked in the mirror. Oh, dear.

A shower, several glasses of water, a change of clothes, a Panadol and a spray later, I was outside the store waiting for Mirko's car to show, trying to look like I wasn't waiting for anything and in fact had something stuck in my shoe. I didn't have to wait long, thankfully.

"Chris! Um... oh my God..." His initial enthusiasm turned to shock as I got into the car. "You're SO not OK."

"Yeah, well, I, like... um... yeah."

"Feel like a drive? I'll, um, keep in the left lane in case we need to, um, stop suddenly for any reason."

"Yeah, not like I'm doing anything else!"

We headed out of the suburb and onto the highway. A couple of exits later, though, he exited onto a side road and we drove through some kind of agricultural area. I began to get a little scared as I had no idea where he was going.

"Um, I think we made a wrong turn?"

"Nah, I'm not going home."

"Oh, OK, where are we going, then?"

He turned to me and smiled softly, though not hiding his concern very well. "Um, you'll know soon enough. You'll like it, I think."

We turned onto an even smaller road and started climbing into the forest. Eventually he pulled off the road into a parking area, and looked at me before getting out of the car. I took that as a signal to get out too.

"Come on," he said, grabbing my hand.

I almost froze. I'd never walked ANYWHERE holding someone's hand.

"It's OK, Chris. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise."

I looked into his eyes. He was looking straight into mine. Oh god, why do I go like this every time he looks like that at me? After about half a minute, I relented and we walked, with him leading the way, down a leaf-covered path into the forest. We soon reached a wooden lookout over a waterfall, and he motioned me to sit down.

It was a beautiful spot. I really didn't do anything like this normally, and it was so weird being, like, almost in the middle of nowhere, like, no people anywhere around. I looked around to reassure myself we were alone, and then leaned my head into Mirko's side.

"Awwww," he whispered, and wrapped his arm around me. I can't explain it, but in spite of my still raging headache and generally not feeling so great, I just felt so comfortable right there. The pounding water below us, the sound of the birds and the rustling leaves from the gentle breeze were our only company.

"Hey, put your legs up on the seat, means I won't have to reach as far!" I did as Mirko asked, and I found I was able to go from leaning into his side to leaning into his front, where I could snuggle my head into his t-shirt. Fuck, he smelled nice. Mirko snuggled me in more tightly, and after a bit, gently pulled off the hood on my hoodie and started stroking my head. We were like this for ages. It rocked.

He broke the silence after maybe half an hour. "It's so good to see you again, Chris."

"Same, man."

"I thought maybe I'd scared you off last week."

"Nah, man. I did all that shit."

"Hope you enjoyed it, though!"

"Yeah, that's kind of the problem."

"You enjoyed it too much?"

"I can't stop fucking thinking about it, hey."

"There's nothing wrong with liking it, you know."

"It's weird, though."

"Felt natural enough to me."

"Yeah." He had a point.

"I liked it too." He smiled tenderly at me as I looked up at him. I breathed heavily then snuggled in closer. He responded by sliding two fingers down the back of my neck and softly stroking it one finger at a time.

"This is all so... damned... weird," I said. "It's like... I dunno, I can do this with you and I couldn't even do this with my girlfriend."

"Maybe you trust me?"

"Yeah. I think that's it."

I lost track of time, I was being snuggled by Mirko. For once in my life, someone actually wanted to totally give their time and attention to me and didn't seem to want anything in return.

At some point, I sat up so that Mirko could put his legs on either side of me and snuggle me the way we'd done when we very first met two weeks ago in the par... Yes, that's right. TWO WEEKS. And he's my best friend in the whole world and I don't even know why. I looked out on the waterfall as the wind tickled my face. This was actually kind of nice.

"Hey, thanks, man."

"For what?" Mirko whispered in my ear.

"Just for this, like, I dunno, bringing me here and all that."

"Any time. You're a very special friend."

"Yeah, you are too," I said back with a clarity that surprised me.

"Um, got any plans for tonight?"

"Not really, why?"

"Got the house to myself. My nephew's at a birthday party and my sister's out."

"So... like..."

"...yeah?" He reached over to move a bit of hair that'd fallen down over my eye.

"Um, my multirider ran out."

"That's cool, I'll drive you back tonight. Uh... it just 'ran out'?"

"Yeah. I'm broke."

"Hey, have this one." He reached into his pocket and gave me a 40-ride concession multirider with only a few clicked off. This was, like, about $40 worth! "I'll get a new one when I'm out."

"Nah, it's OK, man."

"Seriously. Chris, it's yours. Stop arguing." He laughed softly, then kissed my neck.

I knew when to concede defeat. "Um... thanks."

"Oh, damn. I was hoping you'd argue more so I could kiss you to shut you up."

I hesitated for a second. "Um... like, you could just kiss me anyway."

"Really?!" Mirko said excitedly. And with that, he reclaimed his leg from around my side, and stood up, offering me a hand up. He kicked off his boots and then grabbed my hands.

"I love your hands," he said.

I looked at him like he was mad. "My HANDS?"

"Yeah! They're so nice."

"Um... yours are better."

"Yours are cuter."

I rolled my eyes as I stood up. Almost as soon as I did so, he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me into a deep, long, passionate, tongue-filled kiss. I looked into his eyes and felt myself relax into his gaze. Thinking back, I can't believe how unselfconscious I was for those few minutes, just happy that this sexy 19 year old boy I'd come to think of as a friend was happy to share this with me.

He pulled away. "Enough of that!" He slapped my back. "Back to the car for you and me, I think!"

We couldn't have chosen a better time. Just as we left the lookout to make our exit, a busload of tourists filled the air with chatter, smoke and camera clicks. Mirko put his arm around me and steered me through the unexpectedly large crowd. A Japanese woman yelled "AUSTRALIAN!" and before we knew it, the two of us were being surrounded by confusing and rapidly mutating arrangements of happy families with thumbs up in a supposedly Aussie style asking to smile lots for equally excited amateur photographers. Mirko was a natural. He did thumbs ups and even flew an Aussie flag for one group. Just when I thought we'd never get out of there, I felt someone solidly grab my arm above the elbow and pull me through the group at almost running pace. I was relieved to find it was Mirko when we got out.

"I never thought it'd be a HAZARD to be an Australian in my own country," Mirko puffed breathlessly. "Let's get out of here before they do."

We jumped in the car and Mirko wasted no time navigating out of the forest.

"Care for a coffee, Chris?" he said as we hit the main road.

"Uh, I'm broke, man."

"I'm not," he smiled. "What do you want?"

"Um, I dunno - a Coke?" I felt a bit embarrassed being suddenly showered with money.

"OK!"

Forest gave way to semi-agricultural, then industrial, and finally about 20 minutes later, we turned onto the main highway which I knew so well from my loitering days, and Mirko pulled into a parallel parking space in one of the strip malls.

"Come on!" Mirko called out. It was weird. This felt too normal to be a me-and-Mirko moment! We're going into, like, a cafe to buy drinks...

We ordered and sat down. Mirko handed me my Coke, then chatted with the old man behind the counter in a seemingly familiar manner while waiting for his coffee. When it arrived, he sat down with me and we chatted fairly randomly for a while. I dunno, I just liked the sound of his voice although I avoided looking at him too much in a place like this, for some reason that still felt very wrong. I couldn't help smiling though every time I thought about snuggling at the waterfall. He was so nice to me!!!

"Rightttt! Caffeine fix over. I think it's home time!" Mirko exclaimed cheerfully. Putting on a hilarious toff English accent, he asked me, "Fancy joining me for a short stroll?"

I smiled. "Um, we're just parked over there."

Continuing, he retorted, "Well, I did say 'short'!"

I shook my head at his silliness, trying not to laugh so I wouldn't encourage him, and walked out with him to the car.

Mirko was a very good cook, I found out that night. I can't tell you what we had, but it had all sorts of vegies in it, gnocchi (those round potatoey things) and a reasonable slap of meat and some sort of Italian sauce. We had way too much fun eating it, especially the gnocchi, which we tended to feed to each other rather than eating off the fork. I dunno, but I think we slurped each other's fingers far more than was necessary to actually get the gnocchi off!!

He'd put the heating system on and gotten rid of my hoodie and his jacket respectively, and we were snuggled up on the couch watching ABC News and the 7:30 Report. Mirko understood a lot of what was going on and seemed happy to answer my questions about the news items. Yet another reason to admire him, I guess.

Around 8:00, we sat around the bar out the back and had dessert - chopped up strawberries in ice-cream with some Cottees Ice-Magic over it. (Ice-Magic is this chocolate stuff which you pour onto the icecream and it hardens into chocolate - yummy!) He said his 4-year-old nephew loved this one - he wasn't alone in that. However, it took far longer to eat than it needed to, as we kept breaking off to snog each other, which ended up in icecream and spots of melted chocolate on each other's noses and pretty much everywhere, really.

As the forecast heavy rain started to set in, we came back inside and cleaned up.

"You seem a lot better than you were, Chris! Everything good?"

"Yeah. I think I was just hung over."

"Awww... How much did you have?"

"Quarter of a bottle of Jim Beam."

"Holy fuck! No wonder you looked several shades of hell when I picked you up. Are you, like, OK?"

"Yeah, I can handle it."

"No, I mean, you don't just randomly decide to drink that..."

"Um... This is fucked up. I dunno. I like you."

He stopped for a second and looked at me. "Yeah, I like you too, Chris."

"Um, look, mate, it's more like, I dunno, you're so nice to me, and like, um, I sort of think you're... you're... well..."

Mirko tried to prompt me by rolling his wrist in circles.

"OK. Like I have mates. And they're cool and stuff, right. But like, I dunno, I keep looking into your eyes and shit. And, like, I dunno, you just make me feel really good. And like, the snuggling and stuff."

"You liked the snuggling?"

"Yeah."

"So did I."

"Um, like, it's so fucking weird, man. I'm not gay. But I like you."

He walked over to me and grabbed my hands and looked into my eyes.

I repeated, more softly this time, "I like you."

"So what do you like about me?"

"Um, like, you're a nice guy and like, I dunno, you're nice to me and I like your eyes and, um..." I felt really embarrassed at this point.

"Chris, I'm only going to think you're cute if you say something, I'm not going to hate you or laugh at you, OK?"

I paused for ages. "Y-y-y... um, your, like, I mean, like your skin and your smell and stuff, I like that."

He whispered in my ear, "I like your skin too. And your face and your eyes. And all of you, really!"

I blushed.

"Awwwwww. You're so cute, Chris." And with that began another one of our epic kisses. I was just filled with energy, I went absolutely mad on his mouth and sucked and tongued and probed it for all I was worth. I'd gotten good at breathing through my nose on these occasions.

Some of my cheekiness from last Friday came back.

"Hey, Mirko?" I asked as he turned around to finish up in the kitchen.

"Mmmm?"

Just as he turned around to look at me, I lunged at him and tickled him under his arms and around his sides relentlessly. He was spasming and laughing and trying to tell me to stop. Then he started tickling me!! I can only imagine if someone had have walked in and seen a 16 and a 19 year old full on tickle warring on the dining room carpet!

When we'd finished and caught our breath, I was lying on top of him. "I guess that means I rule, then," I said.

"Um, I think it does!" he replied. "But, like, maybe not here. Bedroom. But first, um... second." He finished washing up and loaded up the dishwasher, starting up its cycle and turning off the heating before coming back to join me. He walked right up to me, smiling and looking into my eyes just the way I loved him doing.

He took my hand gently and led me into his bedroom. As he closed the door, he turned around quickly, pinning me to it.

"Um, got you back!" He laughed as I struggled a bit, although I found it rather hot being played with like this. He reached down and undid my jeans, sliding them down my legs with his foot. "Oooh, what have we HERE?" he asked cheekily, as he slid his hand down and started feeling my cock through my undies.

"Something I think you're going to want inside you," I ventured back.

"Is that a threat or a promise?" He winked.

"BOTH!"

"Just as well I bought new condoms," he giggled.

"Um, maybe not like right now, I'm pretty exhausted."

"Oh well. I can live in hope." He pouted cutely as he said this.

He released my arms and I got his jeans down as well, and within seconds we were both fully naked, a messy pile of clothes haphazardly strewn across his bedroom floor.

He raised the blanket and sheet and beckoned me in. "We're going to need these! They reckon it's going to be 5°C (41°F) tonight and this bedroom really cops it."

There are three things I could never get tired of.

One is our endless passionate kissing which seemed to have just become part and parcel of everything we did together.

Two is looking into Mirko's eyes when he had THAT look. You know, that soft, smiley, gentle one that told me he really cared about me and he liked being around me.

The other is being naked and tightly held under a big soft blanket and sheet by the boy of my dreams in his bed. My skin was just electric, I was being hugged and stroked and massaged and I was doing all of the same things back. I put my head against his soft chest and drew in his smell, completely held in by the blanket. I was in heaven.

At some point I opened my eyes and realised that I had been asleep for several hours, and that I was still being snuggled naked in bed by a now-sleeping Mirko under the covers. I felt refreshed and active and better than I ever had before with anyone. I didn't even care that I hadn't actually intended to sleep over - I mean, who would when this is what you wake up to???? Sooooooo gentle and warm and nice!

After a while taking in this feeling and just relaxing with him, I carefully and ever so slowly snuck out of his embrace and the far side of his bed and took a badly needed toilet break. Eek - COLD!!!

I took a couple of drinks of water before carefully tiptoeing back into the room and gently closing the door. I had something else to get before I hopped back in. It was 4:15am - we'd been asleep for seven hours.

I shifted, millimetre by millimetre, his drawer open and grabbed a condom. In the darkness I couldn't see too well but by feeling around I eventually got the pack open and pushed the thing down onto my hard-as-hell cock. Mirko was going to get an early morning surprise! I managed with some effort to find the lube tube - I couldn't tell from feel, but opening it and taking one sniff instantly confirmed the mystery substance's identity.

Pulling the covers over behind me, I climbed back into bed. Mirko was still lying side-on, so I pushed the sheet from under his legs and gently lowered him so he was lying on his front. He stirred, but didn't wake.

I lubed up the condom, and then laid myself along Mirko's length, with my cock supporting itself along his crack. I took a deep sniff from his back once I was properly positioned. God, his smell rocked.

Next, I stroked his neck and gave him a big kiss. THAT woke him up.

"Morning, Chris," he muttered sleepily.

"Morning, Mirko," I whispered.

He moved his head to look at the time. "Wow! We fell asleep!"

"Yeah! And now I'm going to fuck you."

He drew in a breath.

I whispered, "You like that, don't you, mate?"

"No," he replied. "I LOVE it. Um, wow, you are SO awesome, Chris..."

"Want to do your pillow thing?"

He shook me off him gently and grabbed the pillow I'd been sleeping on, propping it under himself. "Yep."

I lubed my fingers up and started playing with his hole.

"H-oh my God, um.... Hold up a second!!"

"What?"

An arm reached out from the side of the bed and grabbed a remote control. With some fiddling and a few uttered "fuck"s, a CD player at the other side of the room fired up and started playing slowish electronic music.

"Um, it's music for fucking to," he laughed. "Um, no, seriously, the house will hear that louder than us. It drowns us out."

"You mean it drowns YOU out."

"Don't be so picky!" He grinned and grabbed my head with one arm, pulled it down and we kissed for a second.

After having my fun lubing him up, I whispered, "I think you're ready, man."

"Yeah, me too."

"Going in."

"Cool.... UHH!!! Fuck!" I started to slide in enthusiastically. "AHHH, OWWW!!!"

I pulled out. "I'm sorry!!!"

"No it's okay, just your angle was a bit off and it hit the side..."

I moved my body a bit to the right and tried again. This time was better.

"OOOOOHHH!!! That's so good, Chris!"

Safely tucked under the covers, I got him to raise up so I could snuggle him, and then started to pump him. His tight, warm arse was turning me on and getting me going so badly. As were his moans over the background music.

"OH CHRIS.... oh man... oh god... wow... oh my god! OH MY GOD! YOU'RE THE BEST, CHRIS!!! Oh man... fucking hell... mmmmmmm...."

As I started picking up the pace, his gentle moaning turned to outright grunts, and I was loving it!

"UH... UH... UHHH... KEEP GOING... DOING GREAT... OHHHH... OHHH CHRIS..."

I felt like a fucking champion. I was on the home straight. I was having a fucking great time and I was making my best mate's day and enjoying his hot, sexy body. This was so much better than the last time. I just wanted to eat him! I was on fire.

"MIRKO!!!" I panted. "You're so awesome!"

"Awwww!!!! You're the best... you really are..."

"You're so hot..."

"Oh my God... so are you..."

As I started to spasm and shake, I grabbed his hands, remembering how much he enjoyed that last time.

"I'm gonna cum, Mirko!!!"

He squeezed my hands tightly. I pumped them as I let go of my load.........

"UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... oh man, you good?" I asked as I fell down onto his body.

"Course I'm good! You just fucked me!" he panted.

"Oh, Mirko..." I put my nose into his back and just sort of ground in like you do at rugby.

"I love you SO much, Chris..."

WOW.

Oh my God.

"Um... yeah..." I didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that."

"No, it's cool! Stop worrying. You're cool."

I pulled out slowly, now limp as a fish finger, and slid the condom off. I rolled over Mirko's body and into the bed next to him, resuming our snuggle. He took the cue to stroke my back and the back of my neck, which he did so tenderly. I smiled and closed my eyes and buried my head in his amazing chest.

"I love you too, man." There, I finally managed it.

His response was to lift my head and look into my eyes...... oh my God, he was so amazing. He mouthed the words "love you", putting the palm of his hand on my chest in time with "you". I mouthed "love you too", doing the same.

I was just... wow... so energised. I gave him the biggest snuggle ever. I'm frankly amazed he was still able to breathe after it.

Mirko, the boy of my dreams, LOVES me. Fucking WOW! Who cares about the fucking gay bit. I mean, like, WOW. Fuck. Oh my God. I'm just like... I just want to be in his arms forever. I can't believe it, I'm so different to him, I don't know shit about anything, I'm like, a kid from the south-east. He's like... going places. Might not, like, sort of go around telling people, but like, yeah. Wow. Total headrush.

We fell asleep in each other's arms. I knew I had to go home, but that could wait. I could double this chapter in size explaining our morning together, but I'm not even sure that I can remember all the details, it was all sort of a headblur... We made breakfast, kissed, fed each other mushrooms (that was kind of funny), showered together, kissed some more, snuggled, watched a DVD, laughed our fucking heads off, had lunch, I blew him off, he blew me off, had to shower AGAIN, kissed even more...

... and then he had to drive me home. I dunno, I was beginning to like his music. It was different. It just fitted with him as a person somehow, with his nice smell and his awesome smile and his deep brown eyes. We talked the whole way home. I actually let him drop me off round the corner from me, and we had the closest snuggle you can have while sitting next to someone in a car.

"See you soon, mate," I said.

"You too, Chris!" he said, smiling.

Just before I shut the door to walk away, I popped my head in one last time. "Love you!"

Mirko mouthed an "awwww" and blew a kiss. "Love you too, Chris! You're special."

I felt all good and almost bounced round the corner into my house. I was feeling good, so I cooked up a massive plate of McCain's Potato Wedges, laid them facing outwards from the centre on a plate and put tartare sauce in a little bowl in the middle. My 10-year-old sister arrived home from school, took one look at the laid out table, the food and the ready-prepared glasses of cordial, and eyed me off, trying to figure out what on earth had come over me. I just smiled back. I was in love.

OK, that probably surprised you as an ending!! But it's nowhere near over yet. There's still a lot for Chris (me at 16) to learn about life and love, and a few surprises, good and bad, along the way... So this is only a temporary happy ending, as he's still kind of coming down from the euphoria of the first time with Mirko that he's really been able to feel without fear. Some questions still need to be answered:

• How can Chris keep seeing Mirko on a regular basis without being noticed? * How will Mirko's family react to his having a lover from the wrong side of the tracks? * Will Chris ever figure out whether he's gay or not rather than just avoiding the question? * What about his family and friends and school? * Is Chris's obvious alcoholism going to be a problem for his newfound love? * Where is this all going?

Thanks once again for the emails, it has really been an encouragement to know that telling my story has been able to inspire so many different people.