Hi all!
Ok. Originally I had a completely different intro, but things didn't quite go the way I planned it to go. So a lot later than I promised some people (for which I sincerely apologize. You can send bitch mail to the later mentioned addy :) here is chapter 2. I've made a good start on chapter 3, but I still have to see where that will lead me. For those of you who haven't mailed me yet, or think the story should take a certain direction, or just want to say I'm extremely good (hey, you might think that, who knows? ;-p) mail me please :) My address is flower_writing@yahoo.com
Thanks goes out to the people who proofed this chapter for me. You know who you are :) And for those readers who want to do a proof on chapter 3, you know my addy :)
And again, I need a disclaimer here. You probably all noticed that I don't know a thing about Nsync or Chris by now. I may have borrowed his face, but I don't have a clue if Chris actually comes close to the character I'm making him out to be. He probably is extremely different from my scribblings, but hey, that's fantasy for you :) I don't really know on who I'm basing the fictional characters (though there is only one so far :) but in case you recognize something: don't take it personal, I didn't mean you ;-p
I think I'm done with the usual blablabla. On to the story :)
"Are you ok?"
Chris didn't even acknowledge the other one's presence. Whatever he or she was doing here, he could not care less at this moment in time. He deserved this loneliness. Nobody should help him. The other person didn't move though. He (it finally registered it was a he in Chris' mind) waited patiently for Chris to make some kind of statement. Finally sound escaped his mouth. "Go away and leave me alone." There, that should make him go away. The thought of somebody actually trying to make some kind of effort to help him, made Chris laugh inwardly. "I don't deserve help. I'm not worthy."
"Excuse me for asking again, but you really don't seem to be in shape to handle things on your own. You've been crying for over two hours now and it doesn't seem you're getting any better. I don't know what you're dealing with, but you don't seem to be doing so well. So I just wanted to offer you a helping hand. I'll be over there on the bench for a while still. If you want to talk, I'll be right there."
Chris finally tried to look up to the other person, only to find he was already on his way to the aforementioned bench. Who was trying to help him? What could his motives be? He seemed old enough, so it wouldn't be a crazed fan trying to get him to talk. That didn't mean he wasn't there for personal gain. "Everybody wants to use me. Why should this be any different?" Chris chose to remain where he was. He pondered the thought of going over to the guy to talk to him. What did he have to lose? It would be like talking to a perfect stranger: unload your problems and then get the hell out of there. He wouldn't be taking a risk in trusting him the whole story. Besides, telling the whole story to a perfect stranger would be asking too much, especially at this point in time. He hadn't even talked to Lance about it, let alone confide in a perfect stranger. Still, there was something in his behavior that made Chris think he could trust this stranger a tiny bit. Only a tiny bit. Trusting somebody for the full 100% was something he would never do again, no matter what.
And then his train of thought was interrupted. The stranger was getting ready to leave! A slight panic came over Chris. What should he do now? He still had to wait a few days for Lance to get here. Here was this stranger offering to help him. Well, did he actually offer? "He only asked if I was ok. What if it was just that? But he wouldn't have come over just to ask me that. He must have meant to help me. He offered me a helping hand, didn't he? Damn, why didn't I pay better attention when he was talking to me?" He noticed the stranger looking at him for one last time before leaving. Suddenly Chris made a decision. He got up and followed the stranger quickly. He wanted to catch him before they got into a crowded area again, where talking would be near impossible again. He touched the strangers shoulder. "Excuse me, but does the offer to help me still stand?"
The stranger slowly turned around. Chris got his first good look at the guy in front of him. Subconsciously he was checking the guy out. "Not bad" he thought. "Ugh I'm revolting. Even in my current situation I'm checking other guys out. John was right. I'm not worthy of love." The stranger kept studying him. Chris slowly but surely got lost in his thoughts again until the stranger suddenly talked.
"You were thinking about it again, weren't you? I can see it in your eyes. You seem to fade away into nothingness or something close to that. Whatever happened to you must have shook you up pretty badly. To answer your question: yes, the offer to help still stands. Though I'm sure you won't tell me the whole story about what happened. You seem to be in a real turmoil."
Chris inhaled sharply. "How do you know I'm in deep shit? Have you been following me? Are you an acquaintance of John? Are you here to spy on me?" Suddenly Chris regretted his decision to talk to this stranger. He should have known John would make sure he wouldn't do anything stupid. "So what does John want you do to with me? Rape me? Well, go ahead, since I'm not worthy of walking around the earth anymore!" Chris wept uncontrollably. He was right. John would never let him forget this. This guy was sent here to make him even more miserable. He couldn't even depend on his own judgement of character anymore.
"Whoa there bud. I don't have a clue who John is, but apparently he's the reason for your current state of mind. But no, John didn't send me and no, I'm not going to rape you. Do I really look that horrible to you. Just calm down here, you're obviously in no condition to go anywhere right now. You don't have to trust me right now, just accept my offer of help. I really don't need to know details of what happened to you, I'm just looking out for you. I don't want your body to be found after I've left you here all on your own. Just try to calm down for a moment, then we'll see what we can do ok? " The stranger hugged Chris in an attempt to calm him down. Chris was getting close to hysteria. He didn't want to bring Chris to the hospital in a state like this. First he had to calm down. Chris clung to the stranger like he was his life savior. Part of his brain kept telling him this guy he was holding on to was working for John, but he chose to ignore those warning signs. He needed somebody right now, somebody to hold onto. He couldn't go on by himself.
After what seemed like hours Chris finally managed to calm down a bit. He noticed that the stranger was stroking his hair and talking softly to him, just to get Chris to calm down. Slowly Chris let go of his hold of the other guy. "Thanks guy. I don't know who you are, but I'm very glad you were there. I'll be fine by my own right now"
"Oh no you don't. You're in no condition to be on your own. You have just been crying for hours all by your own in a place that obviously isn't your home town. Don't expect me to just leave you here in this state. You have to convince me first that you're actually capable to get to your hotel on your own.
"What do you mean this is not my home town? I may not be talking French at the moment, but this could very well be my home town."
"Well, for starters, if you're emotionally torn, you don't exactly do that in a foreign language, do you? You were way too far gone to actually think straight for a moment. So I don't believe you cried your eyes out while mumbling in a foreign language. Second I know who you are, so I know you're in a boyband."
"You know that? So you're basically here to take advantage of me in my hour of despair? You dirty bastard!?" Chris took a swing at the stranger, but failed to hit him. The stranger looked at him with disappointment written all over his face.
"Why do you think I would take advantage of you? I wouldn't have told you that I knew who you were if I wanted to take advantage of you, would I? Besides that, do you honestly think I would be that cold of a person? You must have serious lack of trust in humanity if you think that I would do that. You must have been hurt more seriously than I even thought. But if you really think I will take advantage of you, I guess I'll get you to a cab and leave you be then."
They both walked to the gates of the gardens of Versailles in absolute silence. Chris' mind on the other hand was working overtime. "Do I honestly think he would betray me to the press? Can I trust him even for a little? I don't know the first thing about him. Maybe he really is who he claims to be: a person willing to help me." The stranger admired his surroundings, well aware of the internal battle Chris was fighting. A sad smile crossed his face. "well at least I've tried to help a person this time, instead of turning my back on somebody who needed me to be there."
Just before they left the gardens the stranger turned to Chris. "You'd better put your disguise in place, if that is what you want. Personally I don't think you're in danger of being recognized, but you may not want to take that chance. You do have to wait a while to make those tear marks disappear. I'll wait until you're ready to take a cab and then we'll part ways, if that's what you want."
"No, I don't think that is what I want. Sorry for being so paranoid earlier, but I don't know who to trust anymore. I've been betrayed beyond betrayal earlier today and I have a real hard time trying to decide whether I should trust you or not. I mean, I know nothing about you, yet you seem to know something about me. That makes me very uncomfortable."
"There's no need for you to trust me fully. We both know I'm no reporter and I won't go to the press. Even you, in your confused state, must realize that." Chris nodded. "So I may know more about you than you know about me. We could try and work that deficit away. It will take your mind of your problems for a while and you'll get to meet somebody you didn't know before. How about that?"
Chris considered what the stranger just said to him. He knew the other guy wouldn't go to the press, he was right on that part somehow. He was also right on the getting to know him part. It would take his mind of the whole situation he was in right now. Who knows, he might end up with a friend he didn't have before. Of course this didn't mean Chris fully trusted him. There was still the factor that John could have sent him. Sure, he denied it, but if John sent him he would deny it as well, so that was no guarantee. Then why was he so sure that this guy wouldn't go to the press with this story? At some level he did trust him.
"Ok, why don't I get to know you first and we'll see where that will get me? You're right, at least it will take my mind of off whatever happened to me."
"Sounds like a plan to me. Let's catch a train to Paris instead. I hate cabs. Are you comfortable enough to get going again? We can wait a while if you feel you're not up to walking through crowds again?"
"No, let's go. I think my face has cleared up enough not to be the walking imitation of a puppy. Let's get to that train of yours. I always travel by cab, so I haven't got a clue where you're taking me. That shows some trust in you huh? And since we're getting to know each other better, I'm Chris. You are?"
"My name is Steven. I'm from Holland, in case you were wondering about the accent.."
"Didn't notice your accent. Well I wish we would have met in better circumstances, but I think I'm glad you were there." As soon as the words left his mouth, Chris wondered if he made a mistake by saying that. And was it even true? Was he glad it was Steven who was there? Steven interrupted his train of thoughts.
"Well, if the circumstances would have been different, we wouldn't have met. But for your sake I wish we wouldn't have met. Then you wouldn't have to deal with what you're dealing with right now."
Chris smiled at the care Steven was showing him. "I might get through this alive. Maybe I can put John behind me." "Not in your wildest dreams" a part of his brain answered him. "You're not worthy of care and attention Chris and you know it." "Shut up" Chris whispered out loud.
"Sorry, what did you say?"
"Nothing Steven, I was talking to myself. A bad habit I'm trying to kick." Truth is he never done that before and Chris was slightly worried about it now. Was he losing his mind or something?
They arrived at the railway station. "This railway will take us round Paris. We're now south of Paris. We'll arrive at the gare Saint Lazare (train station in Paris)in the northern part of Paris. Trust me, the sights won't disappoint you." Steven had been right. The sights were absolutely breathtaking. At one point during the journey they were on a hill north of Paris, with a magnificent view of the whole city. For the first time that day Chris actually felt somewhat at ease with himself and his surroundings. This rail trip made him see new sides of the city he already loved so much, despite what happened there earlier today. The beauty of Paris overpowered Chris. He could ignore his feelings about his whole situation and just revel in the sight of such beauty. Nobody recognized him, as Steven told him. The train was half empty anyway, so he had nothing to worry about.
Meanwhile Steven also enjoyed the sights. As Chris he was a true lover of Paris, especially at this time of the year. The city never ceased to amaze him. At the same time he was thinking about Chris. "What could have gotten him so upset? It must have something to do with that John character. But what could have been so bad? The only thing I can think of is a very badly ended love affair or something. But that would mean that...." Suddenly Steven smiled. "Of course. Chris must be gay. No wonder he's so terrified of John. He could expose him for the world to see. He must have used Chris in some way to get what he wanted. But how? Besides there must be more people that know about his sexuality. That can't be the only thing he's so afraid of. There must be more that's going on here. Some kind of abuse or something? I don't think he was physically abused..." Steven shuddered at the thought. What had happened to Chris? Steven looked at Chris who seemed lost in the sights flashing before his eyes. Steven returned to his thinking. "Your problem is much bigger than I thought Chris. How can I possibly help you, even a little?"
They arrived at the gare in the beginning of the evening. "So, are you hungry?" Steven asked. "I doubt that you've eaten something the entire day."
Chris had to admit he was rather hungry. He didn't eat all day, something highly unusual for him. Usually he was second in the gang when it came to eating, after Joey of course. "Sure, I could use something to eat. Any suggestions?"
"I don't know how comfortable you would feel in public. But if you're up for it, why don't we go and eat in the student district of town? It's very crowded there but also very cozy. It's near the Notre Dame, in case you don't know where it is.
"You mean Quartier Latin? I don't know Steven, that's a really crowded area. What if somebody recognizes me?
"The worst thing that could happen is that you may have to sign some autographs. But look at the plusses. You'll be in the crowd. It'll take your mind away from whatever that has happened. It's a safe place to get to know me and for me to get to know you. It sounds as good as place as any to get to know each other better. I know a nice restaurant on the edges of the quartier. I'm sure we'll be able to eat there without you getting recognized."
Chris pondered the thought. Steven did have a point. They would be out in public. Nothing could happen to him there. If Steven turned out to be an accomplish of John (why could he get that thought out if his mind?) Chris had ample opportunities to get away from him. Not even John hurt him in public, so Steven wouldn't do that either. If anybody would recognize him he would be having dinner with a friend. Besides, nobody knew he was gay, so nobody would make a connection. Not that there was a connection between him and Steven anyway. Just friends having dinner in Paris - nothing wrong with that. On the other hand, what did he know of Steven? He only knew this guys name and that he came from Holland. Other than that he knew absolutely nothing about him. But the only way to find that out is to get to know him over dinner. Chris made up his mind.
"You've convinced me Steven. Let's go."
That's it for this chapter. I didn't plan it to be so, but I think both chapters are about the same length. I actually wanted to end this chapter at another point, but it took me a bit longer to get there. Again, for those of you who thought the chapter should have gone differently or anything, mail me :) flower_writing@yahoo.com. I hope you still enjoy reading, cuz I still enjoy the writing. Maybe until next time!
Flower