Laramie

Laramie Chapter 13

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This is a long chapter. As a reminder, the previous chapter took place at the beginning of October. This picks up shortly thereafter.

13

October 6, Four Days Later, Cooper's Birthday

Laramie Jenkins (33)
Cooper Snow (39)

Laramie

I knew it was Cooper's birthday. He said he didn't want to let me treat him to dinner. I wanted to do something as a friend though. I texted him at lunchtime. That was lame and effortless. Had I even the foresight to buy a card, I could have run it by his place or something. I so valued his friendship but came off as so unworthy at times.

I worked late. I pictured him out with Mitchell. I knew they were having a wonderful time. I knew they would be fucking like rabbits later tonight. I so wanted my best friend to be happy. Best friend. Freddy had always been my best friend, but here — here in Jackson Bend — Cooper was the best friend I ever had after moving here. Even Micah — and we were a couple.

I felt slightly blue. I didn't feel like picking anything up. After a rinse in the shower, I'd decide to warm up something or have something delivered.

I had showered, dressed and popped open a beer. I looked into the cabinets. I had no meat thawed, but I could make jambalaya with the sausage that had been in the fridge for a couple of weeks. I needed to cook that up at some point. Or I could have just had soup.

My cell rang. Surprisingly, it was Cooper. Good. It would give me a chance to say, "Happy birthday!" I picked up.

"This is a surprise. Happy birthday, Coop," I answered.

"Hi. Thanks."

"What's up? Are you out with Mitchell?"

"Actually, no."

"What? What happened?"

"I could just use some company. I don't really feel like eating alone."

Uh oh. It was in Cooper's voice. Something had happened.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?!"

"Yeah. I guess. Sort of. Not really."

"What can I do? Can I take you out? Want me to bring something there? Want to eat at my place?" I didn't realize my heart had been racing.

It was quiet on his end a moment. I took a breath and restored my calm.

"That was a selection of options. Quite honestly, I am not sure. Being among happy diners doesn't seem really right. I originally thought of seafood, but ... would you be willing to pick up something and come here?"

"Sure. I wanted to treat you anyway," I replied.

"Mama Ricci's has a shrimp alfredo that I love."

"I know where that's at. Can I pick it up?"

"You remember where I live, right?"

"Yeah, I was there with the wood samples for your shelves."

"Right. I'm home. If you're willing. I hate to ask..."

"Don't be silly. I'll leave now."

I placed the beer back in the fridge. I had just showered, but I brushed my teeth so I would have fresh breath. My hair was drying weirdly. I grabbed the hairbrush and made my appearance more presentable. I switched out of the T-shirt I had thrown on and put on a nicer shirt.

I knew something was wrong. Would Cooper want to talk about it or forget about it? As I raced to Mama Ricci's, I contemplated on what I should say — or not say.

Cooper

Thirty-five minutes later, the apartment was fragrant with garlic bread and Italian sausage lasagna.

"I'm so glad I could do this. Happy birthday, Coop," Laramie said as he cut the first corner off his lasagna.

"That smells spicy."

"They had two types of lasagna. This was noted as being spicier."

"Smells good."

"Sometimes I tempt fate with my stomach, but ... eh. I love spicy stuff."

"This is full of calories. But who cares, it is my birthday."

He nodded. We both drank bottled teas that I had in my fridge.

"Speaking of calories, you need a birthday cake or something."

"I think not," I replied. "I will feel stuffed after eating this."

He chuckled.

"If we absolutely must indulge..." I continued, "I have ice cream in the freezer for Corey's visits."

Laramie winked at me.

We didn't say a lot during our meal. I felt better for just having company. The eruption of my afternoon seemed calmer. I couldn't say I felt better, but I was calmer. Laramie hadn't asked about the plans with Mitchell. Something told me he was afraid to bring it up.

I cleared our plates after we both had finished. I was stuffed. I placed our dishes in the dishwasher, but it wasn't full enough to run. The quietness seemed too blaring. I put on some music. Springsteen didn't seem too festive nor too depressing. I felt it was neutral.

Laramie had moved to the couch. I could hear him quietly sing the lyrics, just under his breath. I added ice to my glass of tea. I joined him. Considering how awkward the evening was, I felt I owed him an explanation.

"I'm surprised you haven't asked about ..."

"I'm ... uh ... curious, but didn't want to ..."

"We're friends. You should be able to ask me anything."

"You know all my garbage, that's for sure," Laramie said.

"Mitch and I were making dinner plans for tonight in his office at lunch. We have been seeing each other for months. You recall that we had ... been working on repairing our relationship."

"Right. The split was because he ..." Laramie trailed off.

"He cheated. That's the word you are avoiding saying," I said. "The guy he cheated with — he walked into his office today. It was a FedEx guy!"

"No way!"

"I fell apart. I was a wreck. I just left work."

"Coop. I'm so sorry. I ... I don't know what to say."

"It took me a few hours to process. Ophelia took me to a meeting. Lance called. All said, I know Mitch didn't plan on this ass to stop by. It wasn't his fault. I couldn't really blame him. I just ... needed some space."

"How do you feel now?"

"Better? Maybe. But ... I went through these really crummy weeks — months actually — after the breakup last winter. I felt alone. Adrift. I had no idea how to be gay in the gay world."

"What does that even mean?"

"Mitch taught me everything I knew about being gay. And without him, I felt like I was a big nothing."

"You? Oh please. You're totally fine. You're a great friend, that's for sure."

"Thanks. I wrestled with feelings of ... of just starting over. I felt so unworthy. I couldn't picture anyone wanting an inexperienced novice like me."

"Maybe that's why I love you," he softly said, looking down. Laramie's eyes got wide, and his face jolted to look at mine. "I mean..."

Laramie

Oh fuck. I said that out loud. I didn't mean to. We stared at each other and didn't say anything. Seconds stretched.

"Laramie..." Cooper started.

Damn it! I was going to ruin this friendship. I hated making that mistake. In a fury, I contemplated making up something. I took a deep breath. I didn't want to lie to my friend.

"Don't. Don't think." I stared at the floor. "I ... I ... could make up something fast here. I could lie. I could say I meant `I love you as a friend.' But ..." My eyes met his again. "I'm in love with you, Cooper."

"What? I thought we were just friends."

"We are!! And that's all. Don't change anything. You're ... you're the best friend I've had in years. For sure in Jackson Bend. You ... you listen and you allow me to bare my soul and you don't judge and ... I love everything about you."

"Laramie ..."

"Wait. I don't expect anything. If you must know, that was the last secret I was keeping from you. But I need you as a friend, and I know you love Mitch. Please don't let this mess anything up. Please! Oh God! I've messed up our friendship."

"No. No, you haven't. I ... I'm just surprised. I guess ... I should be flattered."

"And that's just it. You don't know how amazing you are. You're a humble man with an enormous heart. I've never met anyone quite like you. I didn't plan to, but I fell for you. Weeks ago, probably."

"Wow. I had no idea."

"Good. And don't let anything change. We're friends. You and Mitch are in love, and you and me are just friends. I can handle that."

"Are you sure?"

"Sure."

At least I hoped I could. I had so far. But now, with what happened today with Mitch, what if something might change?

"If something ever happened between you and Mitch, then ... yeah, maybe ... I'd take my shot. If you ever need me ... if you ever want me ... I'm here."

I spoke so openly. Damn, I opened my heart too easily. What if he told me to leave? What if I had ruined our friendship this very minute?

"Well, ... thanks. If you ever did spend quality time with me, you'd quickly find out I am far from amazing. I'm ..."

I lunged toward him and planted my lips on his. Fuck! That was too impulsive. What is the matter with me?! I didn't pull away. We kissed. Cooper was there accepting it. He participated in it. We pulled apart. Our gaze locked. Cooper stared into my eyes and leaned in for a second kiss. This one was longer. Then I jerked away.

I panicked.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. You're in a weird place. I can't ... I can't make things more complicated for you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You and Mitch are supposed to be together. I can't make things complicated."

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I had made a mess of things. Cooper was hurting, and now I just made things weird. Fuck.

Cooper

Laramie was right. Things were now awkward. In that moment — in that single, passionate moment in the middle of a weird-ass-day moment — I felt something for Laramie. It was wrong. I did love Mitchell. I did. But I wanted to kiss Laramie again. But he was right. I was in a strange place. Vulnerable. This would only make things worse.

"Ice cream?" I offered.

He smiled. "After an Italian lasagna-garlic alfredo kiss, that's probably in order."

We both chuckled as we went to the kitchen. He watched as I dipped cookies and cream from a full carton.

We sat down at the kitchen table.

"Wait!" Laramie said and went over to the stove.

He turned on the gas, and then reached into his pocket. He pulled out a slightly bent birthday candle and lit it in the flame. Then he turned off the stove and planted the candle in one of my scoops of ice cream.

"Where did you get that?"

"I happened to have a few left in a box in my kitchen drawer. I stuck one in my pocket just in case a situation might arise."

I leaned over and kissed him again. Then he sang "Happy Birthday" in a beautiful voice that surprised me. We smiled at each other.

Laramie sang along with Bruce for a moment. His voice really was wonderful.

Ice cream served as a wonderful stand-in for birthday cake.

As I loaded those dishes into the dishwasher, Laramie chuckled, "Well, you can't say this birthday was uneventful."

"That's for sure. My brain is sure to be a tornado tomorrow."

"Hey, Coop. Don't let me mess with it. We're friends. We had a moment here, but I need you as a friend. Don't let me screw that up."

My phone rang. It was Corey.

"Hey, son!"

"Happy birthday, Dad!"

Laramie winked at me. He moved over to kiss me softly on the cheek, whispered "Call me" in my ear, and then waved goodbye. I stood and we held each other in a hug. It was tender but not long. He pulled away but grabbed and squeezed my hand. We held it a moment while I listened to Corey, and then he let go and waved as he moved to the door.

"How was your day?" Corey asked.

"A little crazy. How was yours?"

"Awesome. My classes at school rock. You should have seen what we did in Biology today."

I smiled as he told me things about his life. His calming voice was the presence of normalcy I needed. At times, my eyes just welled up listening to him be him.

"Hey, Dad. We're doing lunch with you on Saturday. I hope it is okay if I give you your card then."

"Of course."

"Good. Dad, I just want you to know I think you are the best dad in the world. I love you."

A tear escaped from the pond of moisture in my eyelids and ran down my cheek.

"That's the best gift I got today. Thanks, son."

Laramie

I pulled into my driveway. I replayed it in my head a hundred times during my return.

I told him I loved him.

He knows.

I love him.

I knew I had to try extra hard not to screw up the friendship. I had now complicated it.

Because I loved him.

I pulled the beer out of the fridge. The microwave said 10:11. My mind was a whirlpool of uncertainty. Would I ever see Cooper again? Did I bring our friendship to a halt? Was the kiss the start of something for us? Was I a horrible person for my impulsivity? So many questions.

My heart had been racing ever since I had said those words.

He knows.

I love him.

I undressed and took a leak before heading to bed. I brushed my teeth again — lasagna and ice cream and beer and everything. I crawled between the sheets wearing boxers. I thought of Cooper every second I stared into the darkness. Despite my thoughts of Cooper, I didn't touch my crotch or get hard or think anything sexual. I just thought of Cooper for the man he was.

I loved him.

The Next Week

Laramie Jenkins
Cooper Snow

Laramie

I hadn't heard from Cooper since his birthday. I didn't join the group for coffee on Sunday. I figured he needed space away from me.

Apparently, he wanted a lot. Not hearing from him at all worked on my worst fears. Our friendship had been affected. I had fucked it all up. Maybe if I didn't hear from him by the end of the week, I could text an olive branch. I didn't want to go on without his friendship. That would tear me apart.

I grew more depressed each day.

I talked to both Freddy and Grayson over the weekend. They tried their best to lift my spirits, but I was worried. Really worried. I thought Freddy felt a little guilty; somehow, he thought he was responsible for me being impulsive. Grayson emphasized me staying the course of being a good friend. He felt Cooper needed one as badly as I did.

It wasn't like I hadn't gone days without communicating with Cooper before. This time, though, it was a void. I could feel it.

As we were winding down the Wednesday customers, a text came in.

"I have nothing at home for dinner. I was going to grab something fast after my AA meeting, but I thought you might want to go out to eat."

It was him! It was Cooper! It was him!

"Sure! Great."

Two hours later we were both sitting at a table at The Shed. Our server brought out two chicken-fried steaks.

Cooper

"Ohhh, that looks like I am going to see a couple more pounds on the scale in the morning," I said, smiling at our dishes.

"Heaven," Laramie told our server LuAnn.

"Enjoy fellas," she said and left us to our meal.

Laramie reached for Tabasco and shook streaks of red hotness onto his gravy-topped entree.

"I'm certain your insides are going to revolt against you one day," I said, looking at my dining partner.

"Oh, they do from time to time, but I love it when I can really taste my dish."

"Seriously? How can you taste anything? It's like you make your tastebuds burn with fire all the time."

He chuckled. I smiled back.

"I'm glad you texted. Part of me wondered if I would see you again," he said, stuffing his mouth full of gravy-covered, fried meat.

"Don't overthink it, Laramie. I'm trying not to let it be a big deal. It was flattering." I paused. "As long as you can be okay with us just being friends."

"You're a great friend. I will make it work. That's the most important thing to me."

I was trying not to talk about me as much tonight. Laramie surprised me by asking about my meeting this evening. Most people avoid the topic of me being an alcoholic. I would imagine they would feel it is some taboo topic that would make me feel uncomfortable. Even Mitch rarely asked. Trent doesn't either.

"No one really asks me about that. I think they probably feel I am embarrassed by it. Thanks," I said, following a mouthful of mashed potatoes.

"I think it shows strength that you're not."

"Maybe. When I first went, I probably would have been embarrassed. Those people really got me through some tough months. Ophelia, Lance, Jakob, Richard ... good people. I should go see Lance and Jakob again soon."

"I'll spare you the humiliation of taking me along."

"They liked you."

"Ha. Maybe at the beginning. Talk about embarrassing."

"Well, you'll see them again next month," I said.

"Oh??"

"At Friendsgiving."

"How's this now? I ... what??"

"Oh, I asked Trent if you could come to Friendsgiving. It's his big thing the Saturday before Thanksgiving where friends are thankful for each other. I want you to be there. It was all inspired by Tyler, one of our members in AA ..."

I stopped there. Tyler had killed himself. It affected us all deeply. I momentarily had forgotten Laramie's brother had done the same. I was scared to look at him. Had I sent him down a dark hole?

Laramie was smiling.

"I like that. If it celebrates our friendship, then I'll make sure I am completely free."

"Good," I said and left it at that.

"Wow. He's a radio personality, isn't he?"

"And a playwright."

"Look at me ... hobnobbing."

"Ha. Trent is nothing like that. He and Lance went to college together. For being so young, he put his talents to use right after graduation. I'm proud of him. He's my running buddy."

Laramie looked pleased.

Laramie

Yes! I was so happy that I hadn't ruined our friendship. And now Cooper was inviting me to a party next month. It was like I had instantly shed a hundred pounds. I felt light. It was like I had no body mass.

Then I looked at my chicken fried steak. Upon my next bite, my body returned, but I was happy.

I knew I should give the two of us some breathing room. Less talk about feelings for a while. The fact that Cooper had called was at least a good sign.

"Tell me more about this Friendsgiving."

Cooper shared more details of how it centered around a former AA friend they had lost. They brought it up when I went to visit Lance and Jakob with him, but I hadn't remembered all the details. This would be his third year attending. It sounded like the event had grown. It seemed to have a good message behind it.

I had been in Jackson Bend for almost seven years and could count the number of serious friends on one hand. This year had been almost transformative.

Knowing I needed to give Cooper a little space to get things on track with Mitchell, I planned a night out with Miles. We needed a beer and pinball night.

October 30, 2022

Laramie Jenkins (33)
Kenton Shuppe (68)

Kenton

It had been months since I had been inside my old store. Larry had everything looking nice.

"I like what you've done with the counter area," I told my former employee. "I'm glad to hear business is good."

"Do you miss it?" Larry asked.

"Some. I'm sorry it has taken so long for us to do lunch. It seems like we have been trying to forever."

"Several weeks to be sure."

Larry walked me around my old store. I noted how a few things were being stored differently, a certain area looked nicer, cleaner. And for some reason there was a pinball machine in the back of the storeroom. But it still looked like my old shop.

"You must be busy in your retirement. Are you making anything at home?" Larry asked.

"No. My wife didn't want me to drag home a lot of equipment. I mean, I'll always have simple tools. But nothing that takes up a lot of space. Trying to reduce that all down."

"Well, if you ever feel the need to build something or create something, you are always welcome to stop in."

"Thanks. I can see myself wanting to do just that."

The two of us drove the few minutes it took to get to McGee's. Before our burgers had arrived, Larry filled me in on the employees I would still know. Amos was staying on until the end of the year; he had been working off and on, but that would end soon. Julio had been given a supervisory position. He told me a little about Miles, his newest hire. Some part-time workers helped fill in when needed.

"So, what have you been up to?" Larry asked, just before stuffing the first bite of his Panhandler.

"The missus and I traveled a lot early on. We got our passports and actually spent two weeks in Europe for the first time."

"Nice," Larry responded.

"It was. Then we did stuff around the house. Recently we have seen a lot of family. But now ..."

"Now?"

"I do admit I miss the shop now and then."

"Well, any time you want to come fiddle..."

"Do you need more help?"

Larry struggled to swallow his food.

"You aren't asking for a job, are you?"

"Maybe."

"You used to own the store! Why on earth would you want to just be an employee?!?"

"I'm not talking full time," I chuckled. "But ... you know, maybe a couple days a week? Could you use the help?"

"Absolutely. I'd be delighted. As we near the holidays, we are getting more inquiries into some special requests."

"Ooo, that's the kind of stuff I love."

Laramie

This was unbelievable. Having Kenton come back to work a couple of days a week would be ideal. It could free me up on a Saturday or two as well, assuming he might be willing to work on the weekend. This was thrilling news.

We spent the next fifteen minutes talking about pay, scheduling and the type of work he was interested in, not that he seemed too picky. Deep down, I felt he needed a reason to get out of the house for a couple of days. I could relate to that. Except, since taking ownership of the store, it seemed hard to actually stay home more than a day. But I was just grateful that business was good.

This was such encouraging news.

"So, Larry..." Kenton started, after pushing his finished plate to the side. "Are you seeing anyone?"

What!!? This was out of the blue. I so rarely talked about such things with my former boss.

"Uhh... why do you ask?"

"It's none of my business, but ... I remember when you and Micah were seeing each other. I could tell a difference in your outlook when you two broke up. You're a good man. I was hoping someone would recognize that."

I was stunned by this statement.

"I don't know what to say."

"Well, you don't have to say anything," Kenton backpedaled. "As a boss, I tried to stay out of my employee's personal lives. But as your friend ... I just care, that's all."

I was moved.

"You're comfortable talking about this? I mean ... you're not gay."

"Oh, please. Like that means anything. I know the character of the man you are."

"Now you sound like a grandfather."

"I am a grandfather!"

I laughed. "True."

"You're a good man, Larry," he said, looking me earnestly in the eyes. "Don't let the shop become your whole life. It's not good to let ledgers and books and schedules become who you are."

"I'm trying not to. I was nervous in the beginning and obsessed in making the shop a success ... or keeping it as successful as you always had done."

"And you have. I've heard word. You have exceptional customer service."

"Thanks."

"So. Seeing anyone?"

"Noooooot really. I was actually propositioned by a customer in March. We went out on two dates and then ... I don't think he felt I would be comfortable in his world."

"His world?"

"Kind of high society."

"What an ass."

"Not really. I kind of think he was into me. He paid me a lot of compliments, but I think he felt I would be miserable with ... the symphony, art leagues, etc."

"Hm. Perhaps."

"I can see his point. He was very nice about it. I just kind of wish I had been given a chance."

"I'm sure he would have loved having you at his side. You're a catch."

I laughed. "You flatter me." I paused. I wasn't sure whether to mention Cooper. "Actually, I've sort of fallen for a fella."

"Wonderful!"

"Not wonderful. He's seeing someone else. They are trying to patch things up — and then I go and kiss him!!"

"Oops."

"Exactly. He's my best friend. That's all it started out as ... friendship. Then – then – then I go and fall for him."

"So ... with the kiss, he's aware of it."

"Yeah. We've done okay working past it. We have this coffee group on Sunday mornings. I saw him this morning. I've helped him move. So ... being a friend but trying to take a step back."

"Okay. Slow and easy. It's nice to see you at least trying."

"You sound like my brother."

I wanted to stay friends with Cooper. I needed to stay friends with Cooper. But could I get past being in love with him?

November 2022

Laramie Jenkins (33)
C.J. McCall (32)

C.J.

"What do you think, Spence? Should we call Larry?"

"Just to make sure I understand, this is a guy you blew off years ago ... and now you want to set him up with Pete?"

"Well, yeah."

"Why?"

"From what I understand, Larry is still single, and we have been wanting for Pete to meet someone. I wasn't in the right place at the time, but Larry is an awesome guy. Good looking, nice. I think they would be good for each other."

"How do you know he isn't with anyone?"

"I asked someone at the bank who is good friends with the clerk at Larry's store."

"Go ahead. Just be okay with it if he isn't interested."

I called Larry. I hoped he hadn't changed his number.

"Hello?" Larry answered.

"Hi Larry. It's – it's C.J. Remember me?"

He paused. Perhaps he remembered that I was a total douchebag to him. I was in his store a few weeks ago. I didn't realize he was the owner until I went in.

"Oh. Hi. How are you?"

I could immediately tell he was thrown by my call.

"This may sound strange, but ... I'm in a relationship now. Back when you and I went out, I wasn't ... wasn't really ready for a relationship. I was kind of a dick in that way, and I remembered how I left things with you. I'm ... I'm kind of calling to apologize. When I saw you in your store a few weeks ago, I thought it might be nice to reconnect. I was going to ask if you might like to join us at The Black Stallion on Wednesday night. Just to ... you know, hang out. Reconnect."

"WITH your boyfriend?" he asked — with good reason.

"Sure. We're trying to widen our circle of friends. A friend of mine at the bank mentioned you the other day, and ... I admit it made me feel bad about how I handled things. I kind of would like a chance to ... improve your opinion of me."

"C.J. ... it is what it is. It's where you were at the time."

"But it would still be nice to see you."

Laramie

This was out of the blue. While I found it odd, I admitted that I would like to see how C.J. turned out. It had been ages since we had seen each other. Surely this wasn't an attempt at some weird three-way. For a split second, I wondered if I did something like that if it would help me get over Cooper. But that was ridiculous. I didn't think this was where C.J. was going, but I would handle such a situation if it arose.

I had found success with the coffee group of widening my circle of friends. I knew it had made my life better. Meeting more new people would be a good thing.

"Sure. Why not?"

"Great!"

"Is there a reason for Wednesday instead of the weekend?"

"Well ... I hate to make us sound old but..."

"I think I'm a year older than you," I said.

C.J. laughed. "Yeah. We're not wild about packed bars. We like to have some room on the dance floor. Plus, we know the D.J. Wednesday night. We try to go when he's there."

"Fair enough. I get it."

"Eight o'clock okay?" C.J. noted.

"Sure. That's fine."

After hanging up, I realized how long it had been since I had two-stepped and done line dancing. I found myself looking forward to it. Micah and I hadn't danced a lot, but we always enjoyed those nights. Roman went with me that one night. I tried hard to remember me going back after that. I didn't think I had danced since.

—

It was ironic that I was thinking about C.J.'s call the night before when I saw Cooper texting me.

"Want to do dinner once I get out of my AA meeting tomorrow?"

Well, damn. I had promised the guys to go dancing. Damn.

"Shit! I would have loved to, but I told someone I would meet them at The Black Stallion tomorrow evening."

"No problem."

"Come with me!"

"Thanks for the invite. You wouldn't want to be seen with me there," Cooper texted back.

First Roman, then Cooper. I wasn't going to let him off that easy. I called Cooper.

"That's bullshit. Why wouldn't I want to be seen with you?"

"Laramie, I can't dance. I'd be a tree stump there."

"It's line dancing. You can jump right in."

He laughed, scoffing at the idea. Then something hit me. It was a bar. I was asking Cooper to go to a bar. My best friend was a recovering alcoholic, and I suggested he join me at a bar. What the fuck was the matter with me!!?

"Cooper, I'm ... I'm not doing something wrong by tempting you to go to a bar, am I?"

"No. That's not it."

"I'm sorry if it was. You're my friend. I just wanted you there. That was insensitive of me. I'm very sorry."

"Don't worry. You know I have nothing to wear that would fit that place," he said, probably trying to make me feel less guilty.

"Oh please. You have jeans. If you have a solid color shirt and don't wear sneakers, you'd fit fine."

Somehow within the next three minutes, I had convinced Cooper to go.

Wednesday Night

Laramie Jenkins
Cooper Snow

Laramie

It felt good to step back into The Black Stallion. It had been months since I had been inside. The sound of the music, the feel of the bar ... it was good. God, I had really cut myself off since buying the store.

I saw C.J. wave. I walked over to the pair.

C.J. stood and hugged me. It felt good to hug him back.

"Larry, this is Spencer, my boyfriend."

"Nice to meet you," both Spencer and I said at the same time.

"Thanks for joining us. You look great!"

"Well, thank you. So do you."

C.J. looked older. Granted it was several years since we went out, but he had lost some of that boyish college vibe and had a "settled down" look but in a good way. I liked it.

He and I took a couple of minutes to catch up and get reacquainted. Then we made a point to include Spencer more into the conversation. They explained how they met, first at a mutual friend's birthday party, then they bumped into each other a week later at this bar. They felt destiny was trying to tell them something. They seemed to be a good match.

No one was on the dance floor, but I noticed Spencer had subtle moves while standing at our table.

Cooper

Growing up, the music of my older siblings was pop rock. None of us were into heavy metal or anything too hard. Even more so, we all hated country music. I had no real exposure to it other than what might appear in movies or on speaker systems while shopping. Walking into a country and western bar would make me feel as comfortable as being at (or being in) a drag show — not!

The Black Stallion wasn't threatening whatsoever. Not being a dancer — and being married to Natalie who didn't drink — bars were not my thing. Dealing with business clients would take me to one on a rare occasion, but I had only a small level of experience with them. I never danced; it would just be social time with clients when I would drink.

Some of the walls were covered in wood paneling. Others had physical wood. Even though it was a gay bar, there was a women's room as well as men's. Both had barn doors. I thought it was cute. It was more subdued than bright red and white, but the idea was still conveyed. I felt it had more of a ranch motif rather than "farm." The lighting was not dim, but by no means bright. Country music permeated the entire space. On one side was a bar. It was long with seating all the way around. The bartenders had vests on but no shirts. Those with hairy chests caught my attention. There were tin roof awnings about the room and one over the bar. The state flag as well as those from Texas and Tennessee bordered in aged wood frames were mounted over the cocktail tables. There were a few tables that were lower, which I assumed would accommodate a wheelchair, but the majority of them were taller with higher bar stools. About a quarter of the place was a large wooden dance floor.

Overall, the place was fun, and even though I wasn't a fan of country music, it seemed appropriate. I looked around to locate Laramie. It was not busy as it was a weeknight and not particularly late. Laramie saw me first and waved me over. As I made my way across the room, I realized half the men in it were wearing cowboy hats. Laramie was as well. It fit him well. The western look on him was quite hot.

He introduced me to his friends.

"Cooper, this is C.J. And this is his boyfriend, Spencer."

"Hi. It's nice to meet you," I said, with them echoing the same sentiments.

"C.J. was a customer of mine three years ago. We actually went on a couple of dates."

"I was 26. I was still a stupid kid in many ways. I was in a phase where I had no intentions of getting serious, so ... it was actually three dates ... I let him go so that I wouldn't develop feelings for anyone. Let him go is a polite way of me saying blew him off."

"But look now. You and Spencer have been together seven months. You've changed quite a bit."

"I have to give Spencer a lot of credit for that. I fell in love with him pretty fast. Eventually, the idea of playing the field seemed like too much work and not as much fun. The rewards of a relationship were staring me in the face."

The couple smiled at each other and kissed.

"C.J. came into the store a few weeks ago for a project on his study. It was nice to see him again," Laramie offered.

"I'm surprised Larry even talked to me after I had treated him so badly. Thankfully, he had no hard feelings. He does great work."

"I know," I jumped in. "He just worked on my new house."

The four of us talked for a while. They asked about my house. I inquired about their jobs. It was friendly. Just visiting with people was good for me. I tried to not bring up Mitch. I didn't want them to think I was a clueless clod.

C.J. looked at Spencer. "I'm ready for another. You?" His boyfriend nodded. C.J. looked at us. "Can I get you gents something?"

"Another Yuengling for me," Laramie said.

"If they have any flavored sparkling sodas, I'll take one. If not, orange juice, please."

I could tell the couple were eyeing me up. They were deciding if I was either an alcoholic or a wimp. I saw C.J.'s eyes give a one-second glance to Laramie, who gave a simple nod.

"Care to dance, handsome?" a voice said, startling me.

"Uh ... um, I'm actually here with friends. But ... uh ... thank you," I said to someone I found strikingly good looking.

"He was a hunk," said Spencer, as my would-be dance partner moved on.

"Yeah. I guess. However, I saved him the ultimate embarrassment of being on the dance floor with me."

After C.J. returned with drinks, the conversation was still good. More people had entered the dance floor for two-stepping. I enjoyed watching them. I was envious of them. Dancing in front of others required courage I didn't have. I noticed the music had increased in volume even if slightly. The lights were a tad dimmer as well. This was the ambience I expected of a bar, but it was still easy enough to see and understand what others were saying. I was momentarily mesmerized by men dancing with each other. Although I had experienced it once before, the joy on their faces was heartwarming. Once again, I felt like a misfit. This time though, it was surprisingly enjoyable to watch those that did fit in.

"Gotta pee. I'll be right back," said Laramie.

The three of us watched the dance floor.

"Soooo..." C.J. said.

"Don't," said Spencer.

"Oh, why not?" C.J. scolded. "Cooper, we had hoped to introduce Larry to someone later. He was held up and won't be coming until later. But ..." He paused. "YOU are way more handsome. He invited you. What's the story between you two. Are there sparks? What's the story?"

"We're just friends."

"You sure? I see the way he looks at you."

"Really, we're just friends. I ... I have a lot of baggage. I'm getting over a breakup ... well, I was ... but I kind of am ... again ... and..." I froze. "I have a LOT of baggage."

The two of them gave me an empathic look. I could tell they didn't know what to say. I shuffled a foot and then rested it on its toe.

"He's a good friend. I've enjoyed Laramie's company a lot. He's helped me through just talking things out."

"Fair enough. How did you meet?"

"Coffee collision at Joe."

They laughed.

"Too bad," said C.J. "You're a nice man, Cooper."

"Well ... thanks. He's way better off with whomever you hope to set him up with later."

Laramie

Twenty minutes after our second drink, I had Cooper talked into joining me on the dance floor.

"Just follow me," I said, as we were on the end of one of the lines on the dance floor.

Cooper tried to follow the steps. They were never too complicated, but he always felt a step behind. Truth be told, he was a bit clumsy, but I could tell he was enjoying himself, and that was all that mattered. I even found his lack of coordination adorable.

Back at our table, a new round of drinks had arrived. It was the third for us; Cooper accepted another seltzer. He visited the restroom.

"Um, we noticed he isn't drinking," C.J. asked. "Is Cooper ...?"

"Yes. I'm proud of him. Two years sober."

"Wow," Spencer said. "That must take courage to come into a bar."

"I hope I didn't make a mistake inviting him in here."

"He seems fine," said C.J.

Indeed, he did. However, if being surrounded by so much alcohol was a temptation, I would never forgive myself.

When Cooper returned, we laughed through another song as various people two-stepped behind us.

A slow song came on. I grabbed Cooper's arm. "Dance with me."

I jerked him from the table with no time to argue.

"You didn't even let me agree," he said smiling as he put his arms around me.

We had been on the dance floor for most of the song. Cooper didn't know a lot about dancing, but there wasn't a lot to know. It was a lot of swaying; we kept it simple. And tender. And nice. I tried to keep my emotions in check. Cooper's arms around me were making it difficult.

I was in love with this man. He was in love with someone else. As hard as that was to accept, I was still content to just sway in his arms.

Much of the time my chin was near his shoulder; his chin was upon mine. The brim of my cowboy hat bumped into his ear a couple of times. He pulled his head and shoulders back to look up at it.

"I'm not sure what it is with me and hats, but this cowboy hat makes you look sexy as hell," he smiled.

"Y'think?"

"Yeah, I do. Do you own many?"

"Four. Two are pretty nice, this one and a brown one."

"Oh, then this one then. Black is really sexy."

We smiled at each other as we continued to sway. Then our smiles faded, and we looked into each other's eyes. We continued to sway. His arms let go of me and lifted up to take the hat off my head. We continued to sway. He held my hat behind my back. We continued to sway as our eyes continued to stay locked. Every pore of my body probably screamed that I was in love with this man. I knew my eyes said it. I was just lost in his.

We leaned in and kissed. And kissed. And kissed. And we continued to sway.

The song ended.

As a new country, two-step song started, he put my hat back on. Our chins rested on each other's shoulders. We lifted our mouths to the ear of our dance partner. "I'm sorry," we both said in unison.

My hand was on his shoulder as we walked back to our table.

"I'm sorry," I said again.

"No, I'm sorry," he rebutted. "You must think the worst of me. I am trying to forgive Mitch and make things right with him, and now I'm ... I'm ... dear God, Laramie. I'm a screwed-up mess. I feel like an enormous hypocrite."

"It was just a kiss," I said softly.

"I feel like I initiated it."

"Blame me."

"No! We both wanted to. I should have stopped the situation. I – I'm messed up. I'm fucked up. You should run from me. I'm one hopeless idiot."

"Maybe. Maybe. Even so, I think you are the most beautiful, wonderful hopeless idiot I've ever known," I said. "Coop. You don't know how amazing you are. Maybe, one day ... maybe." I stopped. "Maybe one day we will have that first date. When you're ready and you choose."

He smiled. I reached for his hand and moved it to my crotch below the table. He could feel my jeans bulging with solid steel trapped within. I had gotten hard just dancing — and kissing — him. Then I put his hand on the table.

Cooper

C.J. came back to the table following that song. His look clearly conveyed he had seen us kiss on the dance floor. He raised an eyebrow.

"Let it go," Laramie softly said.

C.J. winked at both of us. For the next half hour, none of us said a whole lot. We watched others dance. Both C.J. and his boyfriend danced with many men. One more slow dance song came on. C.J. and Spencer took each other's hands and stepped out onto the dance floor. We watched them kiss as they danced.

"I should probably head out," I said.

Laramie looked up. It sounded abrupt.

"You sure? Are you okay?"

"I am. I have work in the morning, so ..."

He reached for my hand. "Are you okay?"

"Other than being a moron, yeah. Thanks for asking me. It was ... fun. Tell the guys it was nice to meet them."

"Why don't you wait until the song is over and say goodbye."

My head bobbed side to side as I acquiesced. "Okay."

The gentlemen stayed on the floor after the slow song was over. I knew some other friend of theirs was coming soon. It would be better if I was gone. I patted Laramie's hand.

"Good night."

I walked to the car remembering that kiss on the dance floor. That wonderful, sensual kiss. I chastised myself for allowing that to happen. I sent Laramie mixed signals. I was being so unfair. He was trying to just be friends with me, and I made it unnecessarily difficult. What kind of person was I?

Laramie

I watched Cooper walk all the way to the front doors. What was I doing to this poor guy? I didn't care what mistake Mitch made; Cooper was clearly in love with him. He had been for years. I was a dick for kissing him. I didn't deserve his friendship.

My friends returned from the dance floor a few minutes later. I was lost in my beer.

"Where's Cooper?" they asked.

"He had to run. He waited a while to say goodbye, but you guys were enjoying yourself on the dance floor."

"Oh." They weren't sure what to say.

C.J.'s phone buzzed. "Oh hi. Yeah, we're still here. Join us." He hung up. C.J. looked at Spencer. "That was Peter. He wants to join us."

I wasn't sure how long I had planned on staying, but they bought me another beer, my fourth. I knew it had to be my last if I was going to drive home. I usually didn't after three.

Peter joined us in less than ten minutes. He was nice enough. He had black hair and was probably a couple inches shorter than me. He was very polite. I think he was taken with me.

"Larry here owns his own store," C.J. gushed.

After about fifteen minutes, I realized this was probably intended to be a setup. Peter was nice enough. I'd probably enjoy just having him for a friend, but he had zero chance of much anything further. I knew I was in love with Cooper.

Completely in love with Cooper.

If I had any questions about it, that kiss confirmed it.

I was sociable enough to dance a couple of techno numbers with Peter. The four of us did one last two-step. I thanked them all for their company.

I knew I was buzzed, and it was unwise for me to be driving. I had a hyper focus on safely getting home. It would have been clearly apparent to any cop that might have been observing me. Luckily, I didn't pass any on my return home.

In bed, I stripped naked. I thought of Cooper. I thought of making love to Cooper. I had an erection like an I-beam thinking on every inch of his body that I could imagine.

My eyes pictured it.

My mind pictured it.

My cock pictured it.

My balls pictured it.

My toenails pictured it.

My arm pummeled my defenseless, throbbing dick until a vat of cum poured over me.

Late November

Laramie Jenkins
Cooper Snow

Laramie

Cooper and I were off. Our friendship seemed strained.

I had seen him at Joe and got introduced to his friends, Mike and Trent. They were nice. He and I hardly made eye contact.

I would get an occasional text, but ... I went through several days of not "feeling close" to him. Here we were kissing — foolishly! — and now we seemed distant. It was killing me.

He had texted me to see how my night with C.J. and Spencer ended up. I explained that I felt it was supposed to be a setup with Peter, but ... I wasn't interested.

Days seemed long. I poured myself into work. Thankfully the conflict between what I felt and what I knew was best wasn't affecting my craftsmanship.

It was nice seeing our group for coffee. Cooper had brought Corey once again. I enjoyed watching them as father and son. It gave me an idea for a Christmas gift. I hadn't carved anything in a long time.

By the time I had joined them, everyone was getting excited for the upcoming Friendsgiving event. Emory was particularly pumped, as he idolized Trent from his "celebrity" status on the radio.

Cooper

Mitch, Laramie and Emory all met at my house to carpool to Trent and Mike's house for Friendsgiving. I gave a tour for Emory before we headed to Mike and Trent's place. He thought it was beautiful. I noted I needed to get a few more works of art for the wall since the house was much bigger than the apartment.

Twenty minutes later we pulled up to Mike and Trent's house. I was glad we carpooled as the street was already fairly full. There was never a set start and end time, but I never wanted to be the first to arrive. Clearly, we were not.

We found Mike first. He was near the door. He knew everyone else. Emory and Laramie had never been to their house. Mike gave them a quick tour. Those at the event were fairly divided between indoors and outdoors. Upper 40s for November wasn't out of the norm, but it was a bit cool for some people. Because it was sunny and there was no wind, many people enjoyed the afternoon air in our hosts' backyard. I could tell Jakob's touch had accented the tables. I had not seen him or Lance.

A text came in.

"I am so sorry not to be there this year. How is it?"

It was from Ophelia. She had family obligations this weekend.

"We haven't been here long, but it looks nice."

"Give my best to the hosts. Surely Lance and Jakob will be there. Give them huge hugs from me."

"Will do. Have a great weekend. I am thankful for your friendship, O."

She replied with a heart emoji.

Before I could even search out Lance and Jakob, I was almost tackled. Lance squeezed me from behind. As I turned, he placed a big smooch on my cheek. I giggled. We embraced with a firm hold. He started to pull away, and I grabbed him again.

"This one's from Ophelia."

"I'm so bummed she can't come."

"She is too. But sends her love." Lance was alone. "Where's Jakob?"

"I honestly have no idea. I think he works more than socializes at this thing. But he loves it. Try the kitchen."

Before stepping away, Emory and Laramie joined me outside. I introduced Emory to Lance. They shook hands.

"Nice to meet you. Larry, I'm so glad to see you again," Lance said.

Laramie

I smiled hearing Lance say that. I felt so awkward with my emotional episode at Lance's and Jakob's house during the summer. I was glad he didn't treat me strangely.

Cooper went inside. I was enjoying the weather. I remembered seeing Lance shirtless at his home. Even dressed for cool weather, you could tell he worked out. Lance was a specimen. Even with that though, I would take Cooper.

Everyone at the party was nice. We met people from Mike's school. Trent was moving through the crowd both indoors and out. He made sure people from the radio station met his other friends. It was really a good time. I didn't know many people when I arrived, but I found myself engaging in conversations with so many people. Jakob came out passing out some random appetizers, letting people know some hot ones had just come out of the oven. He seemed different than when I stayed at their home. There he was so down to earth. Here he seemed almost at work. But I could tell he enjoyed it.

I met a few more people from Cooper's AA group. The party was certainly a mix. Gay, straight, alcoholic, professionals, educators. And me. At least as a storeowner, I sort of felt a sense of accomplishment.

I noticed Brad. We visited a few minutes. I often wondered how insightful he was to the customers at Joe. Did he know I had feelings for Cooper? Could everybody tell?

The temperature was dropping. Most people moved inside before the sun had set. The food tables never seemed to get empty. Trent, Mike and Jakob always seemed to be bringing out something new. Our hosts had a great selection of nonalcoholic offerings to make sure everyone had options.

Trent gathered us near the piano. As in the past, they lit a candle for Tyler. For those new to the event, Trent explained who Tyler was, and that he was the reason the event started. I was aware Tyler had committed suicide, but I didn't know the details. It made me think of Phillip. I wondered if Phillip would have felt it comforting if his loss brought friends together. I still wondered why Phillip let despair consume him. I figured we would never know. We would always question.

Trent read a poem about friendship. There were several one-armed hugs and hands on shoulders. Mitch wrapped his arms around Cooper as he stood behind him. Everyone felt great. As much as my heart yearned to be the one wrapping his arms around Cooper, I was happy the two of them worked it out. They belonged together.

Trent had written a song. The intro to the song was a slow melody. Trent's voice joined in beautifully:

"The sun shines to the horizon
My path stretches farther than I can see
I make choices along the way
But I know some things are chosen for me

Lightning crashes in our hearts
At times we feel like we're on our own
People are with me along the way
I know I know that I'm never alone

You're the foundation that keeps me on the ground
You are the lifeguard that watches the beach
When I'm lost you make sure that I'm found
You are the ladder that allows me to reach

You are my friend

New friends, old friends join our road
We can never know how long they'll stay
How they touch us they may never know
But true friends will never really drift away

You're the foundation that keeps me on the ground
You are the lifeguard that watches the beach
When I'm lost you make sure that I'm found
You are the ladder that allows me to reach

You are my friend

We all take, we all receive
Gifts are given to us all
Friends are gifts, I truly believe
Friends are the greatest gifts of all

You're the foundation that keeps me on the ground
You are the lifeguard that watches the beach
When I'm lost you make sure that I'm found
You are the ladder that allows me to reach

You are my friend

You are my friend."

We all applauded. He then burst into "Thank You for Being a Friend." I couldn't remember who wrote it, but it was much more famous as being the theme song to The Golden Girls. Everyone joined in. Suddenly, forty voices filled the room. At the end of the song, everyone cheered. Brad cheered the loudest.

Jakob and Mike had two kinds of champagne ready, so that those in AA would have something nonalcoholic to enjoy as well.

Trent made a toast: "It would be easy to just make a toast to friendship, but today I wish to look at it from a different angle. You are here because someone loves you. You are here because you make someone's life better. You are here because you mean something. You are something wonderful. You are a gift. So, as friends gather to celebrate our friendship with each other, I'd like to make a toast to each of you and how awesome you are. To you!"

"To ME!" the crowd cheered and smiled and laughed, as they raised their glasses.

Cooper kissed Mitchell. And then Emory. And then me. And Lance.

Cooper

Brad had stepped over to the side of the room.

"Are you okay?" I asked, walking up to him.

"Very much so," he said earnestly, looking into my eyes.

"I've .. I've never been to anything like this. I've been to parties — some that weren't a great decision — but..." Brad stopped.

He set down his drink. He walked up to me and wrapped his arms around me.

"You have no idea what you have done for me today."

"Me?"

"I don't know if I can explain it. I mean, I have friends. Quite a few. I have fun with them. I enjoy their company. But this was a different kind of friendship. Cooper, today you made me feel like I mattered by being here." He looked me in the eyes. "Thank you. Thank you for being my friend."

We looked at each other in the eyes and leaned in for a simple kiss. We hugged again.

"I'm very glad you are in my life," I softly said into Brad's ear.

He squeezed me tighter and gave me a big smooch on the cheek.

He let me go and motioned me back over to Mitch.

"He's fun," Trent said to me.

"Brad's awesome. He's really good with Corey too. I was worried about bringing Corey into ... gay things. The people, the culture. Brad took an instant liking to him. In that regard, I'm so much better than I was last winter."

"That regard ..." Trent started. "Are things good with Mitch?"

"I'm not sure. I mean, yes, we're ... fine. I guess. I mean, we are still having great sex and everything."

I was astonished I could say something so bold. For Lance, it would have been a kindergarten comment.

"Is there a `but' coming?"

"I'm seeing a therapist to kind of work through obstacles I feel are in my way."

"Oh. Well, I hope it helps."

Trent instantly felt awkward. I couldn't blame him for not knowing what to say. He shifted his weight.

"You know, Laramie is handsome. He's kind of hot," he said, trying to change the subject.

"You should see him in a cowboy hat. Yum."

Trent turned from Laramie to look at me.

"Oh?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

"We're ... we're just friends. That's all."

"Oh?" Again, the eyebrow went up. "Sounds like we need to take a run next week. How about the day after Thanksgiving?"

I agreed. I had a therapist but talking to a friend could be a good idea too.

Thirty minutes later, Brad came up to me and grabbed my hands. "Thank you again for inviting me, Cooper. I had a really great time."

"Thank you for coming, my friend."

We hugged, and Brad said his goodbyes to the rest of our coffee group. He waved to a few friends he had made.

Our carpool stayed until the group had dwindled down to about a dozen. We offered to help Mike and Trent clean up, but they refused.

My final moments were with Lance and Jakob.

"Cooper, we'd like to come visit you at Christmas."

"I'd love that. I should have a dinner party. And then the two of you could stay the night for a longer visit."

"We'd love that," Jakob said. "We miss you so much."

"I'm sure you have new friends in Von."

"We do. But no one can replace the relationships we had in our group. We love you, Cooper."

"Thank you. And I you. I will be sure to send your regards to the group. I'm sure Richard would like to hear about how well you are doing."

Eventually we were in the car.

"That. Was. Awesome!" Emory said.

The rest of us laughed. "Well, I'm glad you had a good time. I'm glad all of you came."

"Agreed," they all said. "It was really nice."

"I can't believe I was in Trent Kyriazi's house," Emory said. "And he acted just like a normal guy."

"Because he is," I said.

Mitch grabbed my hand. Our fingers interlocked. I smiled at him. As my gaze returned to the road ahead, my eyes glanced into the rear-view mirror. Laramie was looking out the window. I thought he looked beautiful. And hot.

Laramie

Our coffee group pulled away from Cooper's driveway.

I found the day a wonderful experience. I knew it would hurt to see Cooper and Mitchell together, but I was learning to accept it. I told him our friendship was the most important thing, and I was trying to live up to that. And I loved meeting all those people. I couldn't say any of them would become close friends, but I would remember each one if I ever saw them again.

Who could possibly know what next year would bring, but I knew I would love to attend Friendsgiving again.

Being surrounded by so many people today affected me. I loved Jackson Bend, but in seven years, I had not experienced it like that. I had tried to fit into the town more than I had tried to fit into its people. This year had led me to some really nice friendships: Cooper, Emory, C.J., Brad, ... even Mitch, Roman, Mike and Trent to a certain degree. Freddy had always encouraged me to find gay friends. He was right.

Since I went with everyone today, I wouldn't be able to see them in the morning. It would be best for me to get some work done in the store. But I was so glad I went.

I was sure Thanksgiving wasn't going to live up to today, but at least Amos had invited me to their home, knowing I would be alone.

Thanksgiving

Laramie Jenkins
Cooper Snow

Cooper

After enjoying a slice of pumpkin pie, I hugged my parents and mumbled "Happy Thanksgiving" to everyone and worked my way to the door. As I put on my coat, I didn't even want to look back. I just headed to the car ready for the drive back to Jackson Bend.

"GAHHH!" I screamed, slamming my hands on the steering wheel. "Fuck!"

I then hated myself for cussing. Nothing was really working in my life — except work.

Thirty minutes into the drive I had fought back watery eyes once or twice. The visit with my family was such agony, I dreaded coming back for Christmas. It was nothing like the wonderful time at Friendsgiving. Since Mitchell didn't pick up, I finally called Laramie through the Blue Tooth.

"Hey! Happy Thanksgiving!" he answered.

"Yeah. You too." I paused. "I really don't know what you had planned today."

After a moment of silence, he said, "Not much. All my family is out of state."

"Were you alone?"

"Amos from work invited me to his place for lunch. He and his girlfriend most likely felt sorry for me being alone."

"I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I would have traded places with you."

"Uh oh. What happened?"

I summarized my feelings in less than two minutes, but I must have sounded incredibly pathetic.

"How long until you're back here? Why don't you stop by?"

"I'm not good company."

"Cooper, what did last Saturday teach us? That's what friends are for."

In less than an hour, I pulled up to Laramie's house. He greeted me at the door with a hug and kiss on the cheek.

I noticed an empty beer can on the coffee table and he was into a second one. He offered me a glass of tea, and I accepted it.

We both sat on the couch, and my body just slumped over into his shoulder with a loud groan.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Can we talk about anything else?" I whined.

He chuckled and put his arm around me. When he did that, it made me momentarily recall my comment about "one of my boyfriends" in the argument with my brother. Why had I said that? I didn't have two boyfriends! That just blurted out. But what made me say it?! I truly didn't have a grasp on my emotions.

"Did you talk to any family today?" I asked.

"My mother. This is one of the few days we talk on the phone."

"Oh, good."

"Yep. We talked for about 90 seconds. Happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving. What's the weather there like? How's Dad? Okay, goodbye."

"Man."

"When was the last time you saw them?"

"Seven years ago."

"Really?! Not since?"

"No. I can relate to your day, Cooper. Trust me."

I slunk further into his body. My face buried itself into his chest; I let my arm swing around to hold him. Gently, he combed his fingers through my hair. We sat in silence for two minutes without moving.

Football seemed to be over, so Laramie clicked through channels. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer had just started on a cable channel showing Christmas specials all day.

"Can we?" I said, just wanting something light.

He chuckled.

As we watched the show, we commented on how there were really cruel aspects to this story. The message of acceptance at the end didn't really make up for the treatment of other people — or animals or snowmen or ... whatever — which was disconcerting to watch as adults. As children, we didn't pick up on those things. Not to mention, everyone was always white. Watching classics a half-century old didn't always hold up under a 21st century lens.

I felt I should head home. At the door, Laramie hugged me again. We looked into each other's eyes. We leaned in to kiss. After a first kiss, our lips met for a longer, more tender kiss. I knew I needed to stop doing this. I placed my hands on his chest and pushed us gently apart. His arms were still around me. He leaned to whisper in my ear.

"I'm always here. Friend or more, I'm always here. I love you." He kissed me on the cheek.

Between those words and the kiss, I felt my dick get hard walking to the car. Before I shut the door, a text came in. It was Mitch.

"Happy Thanksgiving! Sorry I missed your call. No matter how late, call me when you get home from your folks. I love you."

Laramie

I would always remember Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer with a new appreciation. Watching it with Cooper on my couch was an unexpected gift. The two of us were taken back to our childhood, reduced to our youth.

The fact that he called me when he needed a friend ... that was what I was the most thankful for.

Mixed signals or not, I was glad I told him, "I love you." I wasn't going to hide it. He knew it. He had accepted it.

We were in a strange place though. He was in love with Mitchell, but we have found ourselves kissing on multiple occasions. I should have felt guilty, but I was glad it happened tonight. He came to me. Me.

As I jacked off, I imagined Cooper saying the words back to me. I visualized him screaming, "I love you, Laramie!" as his dick covered me in cum.

Could that ever happen? I could certainly fantasize it clearly enough.

Late November

Laramie Jenkins
Cooper Snow

Cooper

It was 8 o'clock. I picked up my phone. I set my phone back down.

It was 8:12. I picked up my phone. I opened my contacts. I set my phone down.

It was 8:18. I texted Laramie: "Would you like to go out tomorrow?" I erased the message. I set the phone down.

8:23. While at The Black Stallion, Laramie had taken a picture of our group. I opened that image. He looked so handsome in that cowboy hat. Just enough chest hair showed through the opening of his shirt. I tried to remember the brief moments I had seen him shirtless. I pictured that glimpse of him walking by his bedroom door naked. I wanted to see him naked.

I had an erection that was a crowbar.

8:32. I dialed.

"Hi, you, what's up?" he answered.

"One time you told me you hoped one day you could have a first date with me. How about tomorrow night?"

It was quiet on his end. The pregnant silence was too prolonged.

"Laramie?"

"I – I don't know what to say. What happened with Mitch?"

"Nothing."

"I don't understand."

"Would you like a date or not?" I said in embarrassment and panic.

"Um. Okay. Sure."

I exhaled. "Nice. I'm craving Mexican food."

"Sounds good. I could probably be ready around 7:00."

"I can give you until 7:30. Do you know where Jalisco is?"

"I do."

"We can talk more tomorrow. A lot tomorrow. It's a date."

We said goodbye. I hadn't realized my heart was beating a mile a minute. I smiled. It was a kind of smile I didn't remember ever making.

Laramie

Okay. What the fuck? Where did that come from?

Who cared!??

It was a date. I wanted a chance, now I was getting one. I was immediately excited and nervous and anxious and terrified. We had been out to dinner several times. Why did this suddenly feel different? Just by calling it a date ... was that enough to make me scared?

Holy shit. A date.

—

I arrived at Jalisco first. It wasn't more than a minute later that I saw Cooper pull in.

"It's busier than I thought," he said, walking up. We hugged.

"Must be the nice weather."

The wait list wasn't long, but the hostess told us it would be about 20 minutes.

"I'm going to grab a margarita from the bar. Want one?" I asked.

"I'm fine," he said.

I gave my order to the bartender.

"Just one margarita?" he asked.

"Yes." Then I remembered Cooper doesn't drink. Then I realized I had just offered to get a drink for an alcoholic. My shoulders slumped. Jesus Christ, I'm an idiot. How thoughtless! How stupid! We weren't five minutes into this, and I was already fucking it up. I asked the bartender for an ice water.

I came back and handed Cooper the ice water. "Cooper, I'm..."

He smiled. "It's okay."

"I'm sorry. I ... I'm ... that was so stupid. Please forgive me."

"It was an honest mistake."

"I was just excited for us to be on a real date that I slipped into auto pilot."

"Well, as you can see, I come with baggage."

"Huh. I'm the king of horrible first impressions. At least my streak continues strong."

It was fairly loud in the waiting area, but Cooper did thank me for bringing him water. We only had to wait twelve minutes, so we were seated shortly thereafter.

After a few minutes with the menu, he ordered the shrimp tacos. I ordered the Volcán Bárcena, which was named after a volcano in Mexico. It had the spiciest rating among the selections.

After handing the menus to our server, we looked at each other. Neither of us were sure how to start a conversation.

"I'm nervous," I said.

"Me too. Isn't that funny. We've known each other for months."

"So ... you and Mitch. I'm not sure what's going on."

"Well, prepare to run away from me screaming after tonight... "

"Never," I softly said.

"... but this is going to be a night of total honestly. Mitchell encouraged me to ... see somebody to help me work through the issues ... the walls I felt ... the hesitations ... the demons I've grappled with."

"Like a therapist?"

"Yeah."

"And this therapist told you to go out with me?"

He laughed. "Not exactly."

A basket of chips and bowl of salsa were placed on the table. We didn't hesitate to dive in. Over the next 50 seconds, conversation was replaced with the crack and crunch of chips.

Cooper wore a red long sleeve tonight. I had a suede vest over a turquoise western shirt.

"You look nice," he said.

"You look gorgeous. You always do."

He smiled.

"Laramie, let me be honest. In sorting out my feelings ... and fears ... with my therapist, I'm working through some things. I'm not going to say I don't love Mitch. I do. But ..." He paused.

"But...?"

"I'd be lying if I said there wasn't an attraction between us."

"Agreed."

"As I try to sort this out, I don't want you to be misled. Mitch is my only reference point. He's the only man I've ever loved. And I still do, but the stumbling blocks make me wonder if it is love or a comfort zone. I'm not getting past him cheating on me with Derek, and ..."

"Cooper, hold on." I felt I needed to interject. "If we are being honest, I love you. I know that. I've shared that with you. I know you aren't in the same place. If we just remain friends or take it further with this date, I've accepted either outcome, but ... I don't want to be used for some kind of revenge against Mitch."

"No! Of course not. That's not my intention." Cooper grabbed my hand. "Please know I care about you. A lot. I will never use you, nor will I do anything that I think would hurt you. But full disclosure, if we start seeing each other, I'll be seeing him too."

Cooper

Laramie pondered my words. His eyes roamed the room and the table and nothing in particular.

"Fair enough. It's not like everyone else on the planet hasn't dated multiple people before."

"Yeah, in their teens and 20s. I'm almost 40. But if all I know is being with Mitchell, do I really know how I feel? What I want?"

"And what's my role then?"

"Just be you. If I can be honest and you can accept me and my baggage and my garbage..."

"I wouldn't call the shrimp tacos garbage," our server said, sliding my entrée in front of me. "I think you'll find them excellent."

We laughed. I looked at Laramie's dinner. It looked combative.

"What is that?"

"It's a burrito stuffed with spicy chorizo and green chilis, smothered in hot queso, fresh jalapenos and a zigzag of habanero cream," the server described.

"Does it come with a side of Roll-Aids?" I said in astonishment.

The server made sure we were all set. Laramie had half his margarita left and said he was fine. He asked for a glass of ice water, and our server topped off my glass.

Two minutes into dinner, we both agreed that our selections were outstanding.

"We kind of stopped talking," he said.

"I know. I guess I was saying that if you can accept me for who I am and where I am, I'm kind of interested in seeing if there is something there. I'd like to see how I feel when it isn't Mitchell. But I don't want to hurt you. And if all this is a dealbreaker, I totally understand. I like you, Laramie. I would never want to lose our friendship. That's the most important thing to me."

He crunched a chip.

"Agreed." He dipped another chip in the salsa. "If the two of us can go into this and ... and if it doesn't work ... or you and Mitch work things out, I don't want to go any further if it means we can't be friends anymore. Whether we can be a thing or not isn't as vital as you being in my life. You've introduced me to friends, and I'm happier than I've been in several years."

"Wow. I'm not sure if I am responsible for all that."

"People are as happy as they make their minds up to be, but ... you made an impression. I've never met anyone like you before. You're the best friend I have, outside of a guy from college. In town, no question."

"How am I that different? And please don't say gorgeous."

He laughed. "Do you know how some girls are drawn to the bad boys in high school? You know, the ones that get in trouble, that smoke, that disrespect teachers?"

"I suppose."

"I'm drawn to you for just the opposite reason. Don't take offense, but ... you have an innocence that is ... radiant." A look of surprise most likely overtook my face. "You are so kind and so moral and such a good father, and you love your friends, and you treat people with such respect..."

"You make me sound like a goody two shoes."

"You're magnificent. From the moment you splashed coffee on me and took care of me, I was struck. As I got to know you, I loved everything about you. You are very easy to love."

I looked at him blankly. "Wow." I reached for his hand again. "Thank you."

Laramie

We returned to our dishes. Our server checked on us. We declined more chips.

"Laramie," he started. "I reached for your hand. Does it bother you that I did that in public?"

That was a good question. Having been away from my family and Kansas and all that crap for years, I didn't mind being myself here in Jackson Bend. I didn't have a lot of opportunities to be so open in public, but it really didn't bother me.

"Nope. Back in my years on the farm, I would have been terrified for anyone to see that. Now ... eh. You could stick your tongue down my throat right here, and I wouldn't care."

Cooper laughed loudly. The tables on both sides of us turned to look. He blushed for a moment. I casually forked another bite of my spicy dish in my mouth as if I had no idea what my date was laughing at.

"I was in denial all those years," he said, his face slightly contorted. "I never could have dreamed of doing something like that. Just looking at another man would freak me out." He exhaled. "I amaze myself that I didn't clue in earlier than I did. I mean, at some level, I probably knew. I guess I just figured most guys would look at other men now and then, but that I just hadn't worked up the right amount of gusto for women."

"Gusto." I smiled. "You're adorable."

"And you're sexy as hell."

He looked up and our eyes met. "Don't cuss. I like that you don't cuss." I smiled at him. "Except when we have sex, you can scream the cuss words during sex."

He laughed loudly again. The entire dining room looked at him then.

Our server cleared our plates. I wanted to order another margarita when the server offered, but I looked at Cooper and declined. Our server stepped away.

"It's okay if you want another one," he said.

I pondered how to phrase what was on my mind.

"Let me say this. If we are eating out as friends, I'll have something to drink. If you and I are on a date, out of respect for you, I will not drink."

"That's kind. You don't have to do that though," he responded. I could tell he appreciated it though.

"I wanted this first date. I wanted to have a chance. If you feel I'm not complicating your life — or our friendship — I want to do it right."

"And here we were nervous earlier," he responded.

We leaned over the table and gave a simple kiss. The dining room was only half full now, but we didn't care who saw. From what we could tell, no one reacted.

As we sat back, I realized my comment was probably crass. I didn't want to imply we were going to have sex tonight ... or ever. Did my joke make me sound like a jerk?

"Cooper, that stupid sex comment earlier ..." I paused. "I ... I don't want to pressure you into anything. I think you want to take things slow. That was just a joke. Kind of. Take things as slow as you need. You're worth waiting for."

"Man. You have a nice way with words."

"Well, I'll need something. I'm not as handsome as Mitch."

"Sexy as hell, remember."

"He's probably bigger than me ...'down there' ... too. I'm just average." My eyes stared at the ceiling in reflection. "Maybe a touch more than average."

"That's irrelevant. And I'm not even that. If that is a dealbreaker, then you need to pack your chips and go."

For some reason that was a moment that solidified everything. He was completely honest. When a guy can tell you he doesn't have a big dick, he has bared his soul. It made absolutely no difference to me. Cooper had just let me in. I had the most gigantic grin on his face.

"What?"

"I love everything about you."

"Stop," he said, completely blushing.

When our server brought our third bowl of chips, we were down to one of two tables. We acknowledged the cleaning work and closing duties the staff had to do, so we paid the bill and said we were fine. We tipped huge.

For thirty more minutes we talked about anything. Carpentry. Farm equipment. Women's "cycles." Tax returns. Star Wars. Investments. Gutters. Heat levels of chili peppers.

It was almost closing time, and we knew we should leave. Our server saw us departing. She wished us goodnight, then she discreetly said, "You two are beautiful together." We smiled at her.

Cooper

As I leaned against my car, Laramie put his arms around me. In the past, I felt his touch was the wrong thing. Tonight, I welcomed the slightest whisper of his skin next to mine. We leaned in. We kissed. We had become good friends in the past months. Tonight I had learned more about Laramie; I loved it all. It felt good. Dating is supposed to be agonizing. Tonight was easy. We kissed in the parking lot for a solid five minutes. One car drove by and shouted "woo hoo!" at us. We weren't certain of its sincerity, but we didn't care. Our lips didn't come apart.

With our arms still around each other, he finally pulled back. "So now what?"

"What do you think?"

"I was going to let you take the lead."

We had both been grinding our hard-ons into each other's jeans for the last five minutes. We wanted each other.

"Want to follow me home?" I offered.

"You sure?" Laramie softly asked.

"Yeah."

"I'm not pressuring you. We can go slow."

I put my mouth to his ear and whispered, "I want to scream cuss words to the neighborhood."

He laughed and then kissed me.

"If I follow you home, will you ask your mom if you can keep me?"

—

We had eaten a year's supply of chips at the restaurant, but an hour later we were somehow having a bowl of ice cream in my kitchen.

It was 11:20. With both of us having to work in the morning, we knew we should move things along. I felt nervous again. Laramie carried a small overnight bag into the bedroom. I smiled at him.

"I wasn't being presumptuous. I just wanted to be prepared if ... you know."

I lit a candle in the bedroom and stripped down to boxers. I entered the bathroom to brush my teeth. Laramie followed with a travel kit of toiletries. He had taken off his clothes, leaving boxers and a T-shirt. By the time we had both taken a piss and brushed our teeth, the bedroom already had the fragrance of strawberry and cream. The candle wasn't bright, but we had enough illumination to see each other when all the lights were turned out.

Laramie was someone new. I wasn't sure how to approach things. We were both in bed but not yet naked. We lay on our sides facing each other. We smiled, but we weren't sure what to say.

"I'm nervous again," I said.

Laramie

"Me too."

We kissed. Soon we were in each other's arms.

My stomach growled with rebellious volume. It made both of us laugh.

"See? Right now, your stomach is planning a protest. It's rallying the other organs to make the picket signs."

I laughed, then kissed him again.

"Not all the organs."

Cooper reached for my cock. It felt like a lead pipe below the fabric. It was the first time he could really feel it. Not just a bulge in jeans, my hard-on was defined under the light material. His touch was euphoric.

My tongue entered his mouth, and our kissing became more passionate. I loved this. One of my hands pulled from behind him and wriggled between us. I groped his cock below after slipping my hand beneath the waistband. Cooper moaned at my touch. I was enthralled that I was totally — finally — feeling his cock. I pushed his underwear down, and he wriggled out of them. I felt his cock again, now totally free. I released it just for a second to rip my boxers off.

My stomach roiled again. We laughed.

We pushed our bodies together and started grinding our erections into each other. He moaned a bit more. I echoed my volume. Our lips were conjoined in a crusade to never separate. This was hot. It was everything I had fantasized these past weeks.

Then the unthinkable happened. I could feel it rising. Churning. Pressing. Expanding. Shit! No.

I pulled away from Cooper.

"No."

"Huh?"

"Oh no. Damn. I'm sorry."

Cooper was confused when I turned to the side of the bed. I stood. Damn.

"Fuck," I muttered and started heading to the bathroom.

I closed the door, and the fan was turned on. I quickly placed my ass on the toilet. For two minutes there was no disguising the hideous sounds of my bowels becoming explosive. It was a catastrophic episode. A trumpet blast announced every gross, disgusting, horrific intestinal hand grenade. My eyes closed in complete humiliation. The bathroom door was no match for the atomic bomb erupting in Cooper's toilet. He had to have heard every single second of my ultimate embarrassment.

A moment later, I flushed. I sprayed aerosol air freshener I saw on the small table adjacent to the toilet. And I wanted to die. I never wanted to open the door and face Cooper. Had the window been one that could open, I probably would have escaped, walking naked down the street.

Die.

How could I face him? I had just killed every iota of intimacy that we had developed. Fuck!

I turned out the light, opened the door and returned to the edge of the bed.

"Well. I sort of killed that." I looked at my bag. "I should go."

"Don't be silly. Lay down."

I reclined next to him. He held my hand.

"I'm sorry I killed the mood." I sighed a sorrowful sigh. "I should go."

"I want you to stay."

"I can't say all `that' is necessarily done."

"Well. Maybe if you treated your stomach with more respect..."

"You only live once," I said.

"Until your stomach is dissolved by all the acid, and you die."

"I should go."

"Relax and just hold me awhile."

I put my arms around him. We had both lost our erections. I loved holding him naked. Had I not just had the most mortifying performance of my life, I would have relished our warm embrace, but I was too embarrassed to appreciate it. His bare skin was touching mine. My dick was touching his ass. My arm held him close to me — but I wanted to escape. I never wanted him to see my face again.

I held him tighter. The simplicity of pressing our bodies together was pleasurable. It wasn't sexual, but there was still a sensuality to it. The candle was still burning. Neither of us made an effort to blow it out. Heaven knows it probably helped with any slight gaseous fume that emanated from the bathroom.

Six minutes later. "Damn it!"

I got up and went to the bathroom.

Act II.

Flush. Spray. The light went out. The bathroom door opened.

"I should..."

"Shut up and blow out the candle."

I did. In the darkness I crawled back into bed. Our lips found each other.

"Good night," we said in unison.

Cooper

I maneuvered back into his arms. Neither of us said anything after that. We were sculpted in that position for the remainder of the night.

I looked at the clock. 12:07. He must have thought I drifted off to sleep. I heard him whisper into my neck, "I love you, Cooper." He didn't realize I had heard it.

I must have drifted off shortly thereafter because I didn't remember anything else.

It wouldn't be until the morning that I realized I had not thought of Mitchell the entire night.

—

The alarm went off at 7:15. I intended to immediately shut it off, but my hand was below the waistband of Laramie's boxers. I was gripping his butt cheek just like I did with Mitchell.

After turning off the alarm. I walked to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.

Upon my return, I went into the bathroom to drain all the liquid I had consumed at Jalisco.

Filtered sunlight had entered the bedroom. I could easily tell Laramie was awake. I leaned over him and gave him a peck on the lips.

"Good morning."

"Morning."

"How do you feel?"

"The stomach is fine. You slept through it, but there was a round three at about 4:45. I put my underwear on after that. My god, can I be any worse at first impressions? I'm batting a thousand here."

I combed my fingers through his hair. "It's just one night."

"Our first date." He groaned. "I'm an idiot."

"But a cute one." I kissed him again. "I have coffee brewing."

He smiled and gripped my arm with his hand.

"If you'd like, we can do a quickie before you go to work."

I paused before responding. "No. I don't want our first time to be intimate to be a quickie. I'd feel better about it that way."

"Understood. I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that." I stood. "I do have somewhat of a compromise, maybe?"

He turned to look into my face.

"It might be nice to shower together."

"Indeed," he smiled.

Laramie went to the bathroom to pee.

"Do you need coffee before your shower?" I said, walking to the kitchen.

"Nah. I can wait."

I looked in the freezer and fridge to see if I could offer him anything for breakfast. My entire selection was raspberry yogurt.

"I'm embarrassed to say that all I have to offer is yogurt," I said entering the bathroom.

Laramie stood naked before me. He had started the shower spray. He saw me looking at him. I started at his neck and enjoyed the soft fur of chest hair that went down the middle. Laramie worked with his hands. His line of work was physical. His arms were very built. I hadn't noticed a tattoo that encircled one arm before. His belly was furry. His legs were sturdy and masculine. Between them hung a three-inch cock, but it was moving in mid-rise. Four. The penis jutted from a bush that I thought had the right amount of hair. His feet were manly. The toenails looked well groomed. Five. I returned my gaze to his face. He looked at me for approval. He had trimmed his beard for our date last night. I had noticed. Even though his hair was a morning mess, he was handsome. Almost six. It was a sundial pointing to his left nipple.

I grabbed two towels and put them on the hooks. When I designed this nice large shower for the house, I intentionally installed two hooks near it, thinking of Mitchell at the time.

I pulled my boxers over my raging erection and threw them to the clothes basket in the closet.

We both stepped in. The water poured over our bodies. We began with a kiss. And then a grope. And then our arms wrapped around each other. We didn't let go. We just let the water wash the moment continuously over our bodies.

I initiated the cleaning process. I started by shampooing his hair. He softly hummed as my fingers massaged his scalp. I squeezed body wash into the loofah and began sudsing his entire body. His chest got extra seconds. His cock received both my hands. I pulled it. I tugged it. I squeezed it. I held it.

"You feel good," I said into his ear. He hummed again in response to my words.

I put more body wash on two fingers and worked them into his ass.

"Smoke is still coming out," I said.

"Shut up," he replied.

I finished with cleaning his face. I tapped my finger on the tip of his nose to indicate he could rinse.

Laramie repeated the process on me. "Your soaps smell good," he threw in. I didn't just hum, I moaned at certain moments. The shampoo, the groping of my cock. The fingering of my ass.

Laramie

I had probably ruined any chances of a second date. I wasn't leaving without having Cooper's cock in my mouth.

I dropped to my knees. His cock felt my tongue snare his erection into my mouth. I tasted his freshly washed skin and sucked on his meat for breakfast. It was less than a minute, but I loved it. It was accentuated by the warm cascade flowing over our bodies.

I stood, and we kissed deeply. Our tongues explored. I placed my mouth near his ear.

"I'm so sorry about last night," I softly said.

"Let's just think about this. It's nice."

We kissed again, and he turned to let the heated water flow between us as we thrust our cocks into each other.

He patted my chest. "I do have a meeting, so..."

"Right."

Thirty minutes later we were standing in the driveway.

"We'll talk." He then kissed me goodbye.

I got into my car. I whimpered at how pathetic I was romantically. It had all gone horribly wrong. Thankfully, the last hour had been glorious. We had surpassed the nudity barrier.

Embarrassed as I was, I loved him more than ever.

The Following Sunday

Laramie Jenkins
Cooper Snow

Cooper

Mitch and I saw Emory at a back booth with his newspaper spread out. As we sat down, he folded up the Sunday edition. I peeled the lid off my coffee. Mitch did the same but managed to splash coffee on his wrist and the table. After a small gasp of pain, a napkin absorbed most of it.

"I'm going to go wash up. Jeez."

On the way to the bathroom, he said hello to Laramie, who had just placed his order for a cappuccino.

Laramie walked to our table. The two of us had huge smiles seeing each other.

He leaned over and whispered in my ear, "I'm glad my failure on the first date didn't make you want to hide from me."

"Don't be silly. I'm happy to see you," I whispered back to him.

We grinned at each other.

"What are you two up to?" Emory asked.

"Nothing," Laramie grinned, moving from my cushion over to Emory's side.

"Right. Sure," Emory said in clear disbelief. We looked down at the table, both of us trying not to turn red.

For a couple of minutes, we talked about the cold front forecasted to arrive within 12 hours. The temperature was supposed to drop about 25 degrees overnight. No snow was expected, but it was going to feel like December.

Mitch returned, and Laramie's cappuccino arrived. Emory handed Brad a five for a blueberry muffin.

"I like him," said Emory.

"Brad?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"I agree. We talked a bit at Friendsgiving. I think there is more to Brad than meets the eye. How old do you think he is?"

"Too young for me," said Emory.

We laughed.

I asked Mitch to let me out. I had noticed pumpkin spice had been replaced by an eggnog flavored pump. I felt momentarily intrigued.

Upon my return I gave it a full evaluation. Flavorful, but the joy of coffee was lost. At this point it was a hot soda. But a flavorful one.

Laramie

I was glad that Cooper didn't seem horrified by our date the other night. The dinner had gone so well; the bedroom, not so much.

He was with Mitch, so I tried not to fixate on looking at Cooper too much. I figured the two of them had seen each other over the weekend. I had no idea what he might have shared. I had a hunch that if Mitch knew Cooper and I had showered together he would not be so friendly toward me.

I was glad I had my date with Cooper, fucked as it was. However, our coffee group now seemed more complicated. I wasn't close to Mitch, but I still felt him a friend. There was an element of hiding things behind his back that was distasteful. I needed to ask Cooper just how much Mitchell knew.

Was that one disastrous date my only shot? Cooper had told me he was trying to figure things out. Dating might let him know what he really wanted. With someone as handsome as Mitch, who is apparently good in bed, how could Cooper ever take me seriously?

Was I setting myself up for heartache?

It didn't matter. It wasn't like I could just turn off a switch. I was in love with him. I was helpless to that. Completely helpless.

I let one of my feet rest next to Cooper's. I wasn't sure if he would even react. I thought I saw him inhale at the touch of my foot. He gave me a one-second glance. His boyfriend was sitting on his right, and I still made an effort to touch him in the smallest way. I felt him slightly press his foot into mine. It was flirting via rubber soles.

Maybe I could get another date after all.

—

Once we all left Joe, I couldn't get Cooper and another date out of my mind. I wish the two of us had been able to have some private time over coffee, but everyone was there.

Emory probably suspected something between us. Surely, he wouldn't tell Mitch. Gah. I hated hiding from Mitch. He was trying so hard to be the right man for Cooper. I was a dick.

Still, I hoped the two of us could go out again. I decided to text.

Cooper

Before arriving at Trent's house, Laramie had texted me once I was away from Mitchell.

"May I have a second chance?" it said.

"I'm meeting Natalie Tuesday and have AA Wednesday. How about Thursday evening?"

As I pulled into Trent's driveway, my cell rang. It was Laramie.

"Hi. Uh. Yeah. Um. Thursday is fine. Can I make us dinner?"

"That sounds lovely. Thanks. I'd like it. Can you treat your stomach better?" I said with a smile.

"I plan to. Yeah. Um. Cooper, would you ... will you ... if you ..." Laramie was stammering and couldn't get his thoughts out. "I'm hoping second chances can mean multiple things. If ... you would like to, bring something to stay overnight. Only if you want. I mean ..."

"I get what you mean," I said, putting him out of his misery. "What time?"

"7 o'clock?"

"Got it. Trent and I are going for a run. I'm in his driveway now. I'll see you Thursday."

A warmth passed through me like an electric current. Despite the night going off track last week, I had enjoyed all my time with Laramie that evening. Maybe dating was "my thing." We would see. There are never guarantees that things will always work out.

Trent and I hugged at his door. I hadn't seen him in a couple of weeks. I thanked him again for the wonderful Friendsgiving event.

"It has grown. That was our third time to do it. This house is easier than the first one. I wish our backyard was fully landscaped. Mike has been able to get a lot done, but we have plans envisioned. Hopefully next year."

"Trust me. It was lovely. The friends I brought had a delightful time."

"Great." He grabbed us both a bottled water. "You ready?"

I nodded. We were off. Mike and Trent had a beautiful trail not far from their house. A wooded area through the park was lush with greenery in the summer. A few pines and a magnolia tree here and there kept a few aspects of green in the winter, but mostly things looked bare. There were still some nice rocks and a creek to give it a natural aesthetic. As we ran, it was 42 degrees. By midnight, it was supposed to be in the teens.

"Speaking of your friends," Trent puffed in his jog. "What's up with this Larry guy?"

"What makes you think anything is up?"

"What you said at Friendsgiving. The way you looked at him."

"Well..." What did I want to share? I didn't have anything to hide. My honesty was one trait I liked about myself. "If you really want to know, he and I had a date the other night."

Trent stopped. He scanned the area. We had just passed a bench and we walked back to it.

"What's going on? What happened with Mitch?"

"Mitch and I spent the weekend together. Nothing new there. I'm ... I'm just dating."

"Well, THAT'S new!"

"Yeah. It sounds convoluted, but in my talks with Dr. Horwood, he's making me question why I feel the way I do."

"What do you mean?"

"Mitch is all I've known. I love him. But do I love him for who he is or what he did for me? You know, help me come out and everything."

"Does he know you're dating?"

"I was up front with him. I think he feels on the offence now. I'm just trying to figure out what I really want."

"Hmm. It reminds me of Mike."

"How?" I asked.

"When the two of us started, I was still in college. Mike was the one that helped me to come out. I was so scared back in school, terrified to talk to anyone. He felt safe, more so than my friends in college. But when my work suffered, we put our relationship on hold until graduation. We both told each other that we loved each other. But deep down, he was worried that he was all I knew. I had never explored beyond the two of us. For many months he feared I would eventually fall for someone my own age."

"Ah." I thought about Trent's words. "So, how did you resolve this?"

Trent looked at the ground. He was uncomfortable. I was about to tell him that I didn't mean to pry and that he didn't have to go further.

"I fucked Lance," he said, lifting his head to me.

It startled me for a second. I seemed to recall that there was something between the two of them. Lance's first share at AA was that he was in love with his best friend.

"During those last months at college, Lance was in denial. However, he would `play around' with guys — and girls — trying to figure himself out. We became close. We turned out to be best friends by graduation. Although he questioned if he was really gay or not, I think deep down he knew he was and that he had feelings for me. The sexual tension between us was heavy. He wanted to fool around. I wanted to be faithful to Mike, but ... it was there. The sexual temptation was there. And ... I'm ashamed. Mike told me to make sure it was him I wanted. To prove it to myself, I fucked Lance. The sex was hot, and as lame as the excuse sounds, I knew when we were done that it was Mike that I wanted. That didn't justify my actions, but at least I knew for sure."

"Wow," I simply said.

"Do what you think is best, Cooper. But if you take it too far, you are going to hurt someone. I hurt Lance; I hated living with that. Had he died in that car crash, I don't know what I would have done. You seem to be honest with everyone, so ... that's good. Does Mitch know it is Larry?"

"No." Omission wasn't lying, but I did wonder if I owed Mitch that. Did I? "We're all kind of in a coffee group. I don't want to disrupt things."

"Romances may come and go, but friendships can be forever. Don't forget that."

Trent kissed me on the cheek as he stood to resume the run.

Was this frivolous dating dangerous? I loved having Laramie as a friend, but in trying to figure out how I feel and what I want, was I playing with fire? If it went any further, I could easily hurt one of them. I needed both of them, for their friendship even if not the romance. They were important to me.

Thursday Night

Laramie Jenkins
Cooper Snow

Laramie

Cooper and I talked for a brief moment earlier in the day. He mentioned how his week had gone with Natalie and Corey having dinner at his house, lunch with Mitch and a slight mention of seeing his therapist. He said he could give further details tonight.

He asked if he could bring anything. I told him a dessert would be nice.

I tried to have all my ingredients ready. Like a cooking show, I had each item in its own dish making it easy to assemble.

I glanced at the house. It was as clean as it had been in ... ages. My home wasn't as nice as his house, but hopefully he wouldn't judge me too harshly. He had seen it, so there was no surprise element. I made specific effort to make sure the bedroom was at its best. The sheets were freshly laundered smelling of fabric softener. I had found a candle and placed it on the dresser. The carpet was vacuumed. The bathroom needed considerable work. I scrubbed the shower last night, but the whole room needed a solid cleaning with Lysol. I wondered if it smelled fresh or clinical. Did "disinfected" come off as nice or weird? I turned on the fan to air it out some.

Thank heavens I left work before 5. I had so much to do.

I scanned the place trying to take it in with fresh eyes. How did it come off?

I was so fortunate that Cooper agreed to a second date. If I screwed it up this time, I was sunk. People can be only so understanding.

I checked the ice. I checked the beverages. I checked the bread. They were all still there. Nothing had run out of the house while I wasn't looking. I was nervous. Again. Why? We had been friends for months.

I made the salad to have it ready. I was too restless; I began preparing the first ingredients of the entrée. I felt it good to at least get things started.

Cooper would be here any minute. My pulse started racing. I so wanted a beer, but I promised no alcohol at all today.

I stood at the window. My heart was pounding.

Oh my God, that was his car. He was pulling up.

Cooper stepped out of his door. Just seeing him made me exhale. I breathed. It was the man I loved. I was happy to see him. We would be together.

Cooper

I didn't have a chance to ring Laramie's doorbell. He opened the door before I could even extend my arm. He reached for me and pulled me in. The door made a slight thud as it closed, but my senses weren't fully functioning because he pulled me into a deep kiss. I melted into it.

He led us to the kitchen. As I pulled up a bar stool, he returned to his work of preparing dinner. It smelled delicious. He got lost in a search for a specific spice hidden in a sea of small bottles in a cabinet. I got lost in my realization that I had passionately kissed two men in the same day. I should have been shocked at that behavior, but I actually felt like a stud. I had never felt that in my life. Growing up, I wasn't interested much in dating. Now I realized I was dating the wrong people, or more specifically, the wrong sex.

Laramie had no success in his search for the elusive ingredient. I could tell he had gone for a haircut this week. It wasn't dramatic, but his hair looked very neat from behind. His T-shirt looked slightly snug, which looked good on him. His blue jeans flattered his ass perfectly. My breathing became a bit shallow as I was drawn into his appearance. Here was a man who had invited me over and was hoping I was spending the night with him — and I was delighted to be here with him. And I had left my boyfriend at work.

I stood and walked behind him. Just as he located the yet-to-be-revealed seasoning, he felt my arms wrap around him from behind. Slowly his body stood erect, and I pulled him into me. I buried my face in his neck. I breathed on it. I inhaled his scent.

"You smell good," I whispered.

He turned in my arms. Our mouths opened and we kissed again, deeply. His tongue met mine. My hand cradled his head. He used the bottle of spice to rub up and down my ass.

"Should I stop preparing dinner?" he smiled.

"No. No, please continue. Can I help?"

"I'm fine. Just keep me company."

I realized I had left dessert in the car. I went outside to retrieve it. Today had been our fourth day of below-freezing temperatures for highs. Fortunately, I was outside for only a minute. I left my coat in the car, draped over my overnight bag.

"Is cherry cheesecake okay?" I asked, placing the plastic bag in the refrigerator.

"Sounds good."

"Thanks for letting me bring something. Most people would bring a bottle of wine or something to drink, but ... I draw the short stick in that department."

"No worries, baby. That's totally fine," he said, totally engrossed in his side dish preparation.

I wasn't sure if Laramie realized he called me "baby." It didn't register in any of his body language. I, on the other hand, noticed immediately. Oddly, Mitchell and I almost always use each other's names. We so rarely used pet names. It seemed curious that we never went down that road. I think he used "honey" on rare occasions. It was odd that I wasn't sure.

"It was sweet of you to offer to cook. I'm enjoying watching you work. Are you like this on the job?"

"Like what?" he asked.

"Totally masculine and handsome."

He turned to smile at me.

We made chitchat for the twenty minutes he needed to finish dinner. Laramie was so easy to talk to. I gave him the full details of my dinner with Natalie and Corey. He asked if it felt like old times. It did. I was still processing some emotions from that night.

His kitchen was a hodge-podge of styles. The contradiction of surfaces and colors screamed "bachelor." After scanning the room, my analysis was that the linoleum floor came with the house when he bought it. He figured he would re-do the floors "someday." With only himself in the house, it never seemed a priority. The cherry wood cabinetry exhibited excellent craftsmanship, his I assumed. The kitchen table, big enough for three or a tight squeeze with four must have also been his handiwork in oak, stained a glorious deep auburn. He only had two chairs in place at the present. They looked a bit tattered and store-bought. A back wall leading to the laundry room had wallpaper that could have potentially been installed in the 1980s when the house was built. Colors within the pattern worked well with the muted lemon yellow of the laundry room but not so much the kitchen. The walls in the kitchen looked recently painted, at least in the past few years. A cool blue worked well with the countertops but not necessarily the appliances.

"I will let this just simmer while we have salad." He placed bread in the oven and gesticulated that we have a seat at the table.

"The salad already has a lemon vinaigrette on it," he informed me. I noticed sunflower seeds, dried cranberries and thinly sliced radishes added to the spring mix.

I reached for my fork. Laramie's hand lunged to my free hand and squeezed it. I looked up at him.

"Thanks for being here. I'm glad we can have a second chance."

"I'm hoping for a third," I said with a wink. "And just so you know, I had a great time last week. I enjoyed our first date."

Laramie

Last week. My body withered in embarrassment recalling my bathroom episode. It would haunt me my entire life.

I let Cooper talk about Corey for a while. He spoke of their Christmas plans. He mentioned Corey was developing the beginnings of teenager syndrome, but he was still a mature kid that gave Cooper so much fatherly pride. Even if he hadn't said it, he expressed it in his tone. I envied them and their relationship. That reminded me to continue working on his gift.

"I like that you're a good dad."

"Now. I wasn't always. Drunk dad was not so good."

"Does he hold it against you?"

"Not at all. It's almost like in his mind it didn't happen. I have no idea how he moved past it. He has been so understanding. I am very lucky."

"I love that he accepts all of us when we have coffee. Clearly, he has no issues with you being gay."

"Considering the family dynamics, it is incredibly impressive," he said.

A ding came from the kitchen.

"Bread!" I called out, jumping up. I was in such a good mood.

I pulled the hot loaf out; the oven slam closed.

"It all smells great," Cooper said from the table.

I grabbed butter and placed it on the table. A butter knife had already been positioned in the center.

I started talking about the side dish while cutting the bread. I wasn't paying attention, but suddenly pain shot through my finger. "Ow! DAMN!" I screamed.

Fuck!

Cooper jumped up and ran to me. He saw that I had sliced my pointer finger.

Fuck! I was ruining everything again. How could I have been so stupid!?

Cooper wrapped it tight with a paper towel. My face winced probably more in embarrassment than pain, but the blood indicated I had cut fairly deep. "gaah" I softly exhaled in frustration.

"I've got bandages in the bathroom," I said.

As soon as Cooper let go, the red stain was quite visible. I grabbed my finger again, and we moved to the bedroom. Inside the master bath, I motioned to the medicine cabinet with my head. He opened it and looked inside. He grabbed a box of Band-Aids and searched for something that he assumed would be the right size.

"Let's have a look," he said.

I pulled the paper towel away. It was hard to tell how deep the cut went. It had not stopped bleeding. He turned on the cold water and put part of the paper towel under the stream. He wrapped it snug around my oozing finger and held it tight.

"Hold my finger," I said. I wanted him to do it rather than me.

Both of us stared at my hand. We were quiet. I was comforted by Cooper's grip on my finger. The pressure was ... nice.

The brief stillness of the moment was broken. "Fuck!" I groaned. Once again it was apparent that I was ruining everything. "I'm sorry," I said.

"It was an accident. Don't worry. Everything's okay."

I exhaled in exasperation. "Until I do something else completely stupid."

Cooper placed his forehead on mine. He held my head from behind. "It's fine," he whispered. I completely melted at his tender nuances.

We didn't separate. We just stared at the paper towel wrapped around my finger. He held it tight. I moved my free hand to hold his waist. Somehow, the accident gave us some way to connect. I felt it. I knew he did too.

Nothing was said. Our faces moved to kiss each other. It went on for a minute. Free arms pulled us together tighter.

"I suppose we should check to see if the bleeding has stopped," he said.

"Hold my finger a little longer."

He smiled. Our foreheads rested against each other again. The tips of our noses touched. His presence so close to me was comforting. His grip on my finger was still tight.

"I guess we should look," he said.

Slowly, the disposable material was pulled away. The wetness of the paper towel had absorbed some blood, but the cut itself seemed to have stopped bleeding.

"Well, it's good it doesn't need stitches," Cooper said.

"Yeah. Somehow, I managed to not fuck it up that bad."

Cooper

Laramie reached behind me into the cabinet to grab a bottle of rubbing alcohol. He dabbed his finger while I opened the outer wrapper surrounding the Band-Aid. I encircled the plastic strip around his wounded pride snuggly.

"As much as I know we are feeling other things at the moment, you really worked hard on dinner. I think we should return to it."

"Lord. Let's hope it hasn't set the kitchen on fire by now."

It hadn't. Nothing had burned.

His homemade meal consisted of braised pork chops sautéed in peaches and onions. The side dishes of brussels sprouts in a parmesan cream and mashed sweet potatoes in nutmeg each came in their separate dishes to keep all the foods from touching. It was cute. Bread plates were at the side. We had thoroughly inspected the slices to make sure nothing "A positive" had splattered on the bread.

I found conversation easy with Laramie. In more than two years, Mitchell and I had settled into a routine. I could tell him anything, but we didn't make time for conversation like we used to. There would be an eggshell topic here and there. I told him about my AA meetings and friends, but he didn't ask much about it. Mitch and I talked about "the" world instead of "our" world. He was up on pop culture more than me, and I learned a lot from him. With Laramie, conversation was more simplistic. Line dancing. Brad. Cowboy hats. Cappuccino. Brussel sprouts. Cats. Hay bales. One commonality with both of them was Corey. They both seemed to like him, if not love him. I was surprised Laramie had become attached. It became apparent that he didn't want to push too hard, him being a gay stranger and all. However, all my friends at Joe were no longer strangers to Corey. My son was one of the group. I loved that.

One thing Mitch and I could easily talk about was sex. Considering who I was and how I grew up, Mitch made me comfortable with all that. It was a gift. I didn't think of Laramie as shy, not in the slightest. Perhaps reserved was a better word. He reminded me of Jakob in that way. He just didn't approach the subject openly. Random comments here and there. I think his missteps along the way helped define that hesitation. Of course, regular conversation shouldn't really bring it up that often, particularly since Lance had moved away.

A calendar was next to me in Laramie's kitchen. Thoughts of Lance and Jakob prompted an idea.

"If I had a dinner party next Saturday, would you come?"

"At your place?" Laramie gave me a look of "Hello!??" Nothing had been written on that date. "Of course. Any time I can spend with you, I will. You know that."

I smiled at his kind words. "I haven't had many people over yet. Most of the house is in place. It's done enough. Plus, with Christmas decorations up, what is still a bit bare can be disguised."

I immediately texted Lance and Jakob to invite them. Then Ophelia. How big did I want to make this event? Trent and Mike obviously. Richard. Emory. I wondered if Brad would come. I wasn't attempting to replicate Trent's Friendsgiving. It would just be a dinner party.

I talked it over with Laramie, bouncing ideas off of him, from menu to time to guests. He would know the majority of them, but not all of them.

"Uh. You haven't mentioned Mitch."

"He'll be at a family gathering that weekend," I said.

"Oh." Laramie looked puzzled. "And you don't want to schedule it a day he can come?"

"He's been to the house several times. I'm okay dedicating time to other friends without him."

Laramie looked like he was evaluating a medical form. His brow was furrowed a moment in thought. Was he flattered that I wanted him there and not Mitch? Did he feel I was just "lumping" him in with other friends? Was he insulted or touched?

I took dishes to the kitchen and loaded them into the dishwasher. "That was excellent. Thank you again."

"My pleasure." He came up behind me and placed his arms around me. "I'm so glad we did this."

He had forgotten the finger incident. I turned within his hold. We kissed. "Me too." We kissed again. "Dessert now or later?"

Laramie

I ran my fingers through Cooper's hair. "I kind of thought of having you as my dessert." That made him chuckle. But then I wondered if he was feeling pressured from me. "Um. I'm not pushing things on you, am I?"

He held my finger. "I'm up for it."

We kissed. I took his hand off my finger and pressed it into my crotch. He felt my cock. Firm. Restrained. Ready. Gently I grabbed his wrist and led him to the bedroom.

Cooper had unbuttoned his long-sleeve deep purple shirt to where it hung open. I pulled off my shirt. For just a second, he let his fingers grace the hair on my chest.

I walked into the bathroom to swish some mouthwash. He walked behind me to pee before we got even more undressed. I stepped beside him and tore a couple squares of toilet tissue. When the final drops had fallen from his penis, I wiped the tip and then held him as I leaned down to give it a kiss. While I proceeded to empty my bladder, he quickly used my mouthwash.

I lit two candles on my dresser. The candlelight reflected off the mirror giving more illumination. The lights were turned off next. The room instantly looked romantic. We didn't rush to take off our clothes. They came off gradually once our eyes adjusted to the change in lighting. I loved watching him disrobe; he kept his eyes on me and each article of clothing that was removed. We had been nervous last week, and with the mistakes I made that night and tonight, I was surprised I wasn't terrified that I would eventually screw things up. Exposing ourselves was a thing of the past. We were comfortable with being nude.

I pushed the remainder of my clothing down my legs. My erection was a stone monument by the time my briefs were challenged with going beyond the stiff pillar. I kicked my briefs to the side as Cooper's fingers slid into the waistband of his boxers. He let them fall to the floor and stepped out of them.

Cooper wasn't fully erect. He had commented that he wasn't as big as me. I didn't care whatsoever. I loved his body. His crotch looked nice; his chest looked nice; his everything looked nice.

I pulled the covers back, and we stretched our bodies the length of the bed.

"The smell of fabric softener indicates you washed the sheets today," he smiled.

"Only the best for my beau," I said. That came off as corny. I hoped I didn't appear to be an idiot.

We turned toward each other. He reached for my ass cheek. He gripped the firm meatiness of it. I wrapped an arm around his back to pull him into me closer. Cooper's cock was now hard, and the two erections rubbed against each other. He let out a gentle groan as he felt his dick touch mine. We had virtually no time of foreplay last week. Just simply touching was wonderful. Our mouths engulfed each other. Our tongues engaged in a tango. Cooper was beginning to breathe heavily. I was breathing heavily.

His touch turned into a firmer grip. He groped my body in numerous areas until he finally lunged for my manhood. My cock moved into his grasp, and we both groaned. My hard-on immediately began to throb. Our mouths met again. My fingers grasped his hair and pressed him harder into my kiss. He was moaning; so was I. I struggled for air; so did he. "This feels good," he whispered. I echoed it back.

I was the first to move our faces apart. I leaned my body down causing Cooper to release my dick. He felt my tongue toy with his cock. I licked the length of his erection. My mouth encased his shaft in saliva and warmth.

"Oh. Laramie. Ohhhh. Yeah."

"Man, your dick is titanium, Cooper."

"It's all yours."

The slurping of my blowjob was audible. I groaned into Cooper's cock as I serviced it. He ran his fingers through my hair as my head bobbed over his crotch. The textures were there: wet cocks, soft hair, hard bodies, fleshy testicles. He moaned and wailed for several glorious minutes as I provided oral stimulation. I loved causing him to react in pleasure; he was comfortable being loud with me. I liked that. All of this was new for us.

One of the candles had filled the room with the fragrance of peaches and cream.

I moved to my knees to maneuver myself into a position that hovered above him more easily. From this change in our physical space, Cooper could reach and grope my dick while I sucked his. He pulled on my organ. He moaned even more, and he heard me echo it into his stiff cock. He pulled me. He tugged me. He stroked. He jerked. I felt my erection vibrate with electricity.

I pulled my head off his groin as if coming up for air. "Fuck, Cooper. That feels so good. My cock is throbbing."

Cooper pushed me over and scrambled to my crotch. He lunged down on my shaft, wanting to feel my cock force its way into his throat.

"Ungh," I groaned. "Fuck yeah."

Cooper

He let me service him for a few minutes. My name was interspersed with cuss words and groans, as he experienced pleasure directly from me. I felt hot. My hands roamed his chest. My hands roamed his legs. I explored beneath his balls to stimulate the furthest end of his crack. I fondled his balls. His skin was hot wherever I touched it. I hoped mine was too. I let my grip jerk his member while my tongue found its way to his balls. They were large and had some hair on them. I found them exceptionally masculine. As my tongue teased his genitalia, he made "Cooooooppeeeerrrrr" into a fifteen-second pronunciation.

He tugged on my body and we both were on our sides facing opposite directions. Instantly, we engaged in a Gemini position, feasting on each other's hard flesh. Laramie's breath escaped his nostrils, passing over my testicles. The two of us moaned as we sucked. And sucked. And sucked. And sucked. We gripped each other's ass. I removed my hand to fondle his balls as I sucked him. And sucked him. And sucked him.

His face pulled from my hardened cock and screamed. "I'm there, baby. I'm there. FUCK! YES! Oh, yes."

As cum washed over my tongue, I also smiled hearing him call me "baby" for the second time.

"Cooper! Cooper ... ungh ... UNGH!" he shouted with the last spurt of his climax. "Ooooooooooo."

I whirled my body around to kiss him. He tasted the tasteless taste of cum on my tongue. And we kissed. And kissed. And kissed.

My penis had not received any attention for the past three minutes, yet it was still a crowbar. My left knee leapt over his body. I straddled him and moved my dick to his face. His mouth descended on me. I plunged my cock into his skull, sawing my man tool in and out. His saliva recoated my rigid skin. Laramie moaned as he sucked me. And sucked me. And sucked me. Both hands gripped my butt cheeks as I thrusted my cock. And thrusted my cock. And thrusted my hard, fucking cock.

"Oh, fuck, it feels so good, Laramie."

He hummed in approval as the seal around my erection wouldn't release moans beyond his lips.

His teeth momentarily scraped the top of my erection. That caused a brief moment of minor pain, but he corrected it. It made it regrettably sensitive. I was close to coming, but now I worked more to get back to that point — certainly not a bad thing.

"Keep sucking me," I panted. "Keep sucking me."

My breathing was haggard. I panted. I gasped. I whined. I groaned.

"Oh, I'm close. I'm fucking close. Laramie. Laramie! LARAMIE! I'M FUCKING COMING!"

My climax sounded as if I was being burned with scalding water. Spasm after spasm went into his face. He consumed it all. I eventually was spent.

"Mmmmm," I hummed removing my cock.

"Come here," he directed.

We kissed. His tongue slid below mine. I could feel some of my semen on it. It was hot.

I moved to sit next to him. We both exhaled and regained our breathing. Eventually, we turned to look at each other. We smiled.

"I'm not nervous anymore," he said, reaching to hold my hand.

"I enjoyed it too."

We lay there just holding hands. It was 9:45. Not early, not late. The candlelight flickered on the ceiling. We just held hands. We were quiet for a minute. I contemplated the sex. It was good. It was fun. I'm not sure if I would have categorized it better than what Mitch and I experienced last week. Mitchell was exceptional in bed. Once he was open to being loud, our sex was off the charts. But this had been fun. It was good. It was a very good orgasm.

Laramie sat up and turned on the light. "I noticed you didn't bring a bag. Did you not want to stay the night?"

"It's actually in the car. I was prepared, assuming that was the direction we headed and both wanted."

"Oh, I want," he said.

I sat up next to him. "Sadly, I now have to get dressed to go get it."

"Later," he said. Then his hand fondled my balls. They were hanging attractively. They didn't look like his, but they were sensual in themselves.

Laramie

I wasn't sure if the glow of my climax and our intimacy left me or if I was still in a state of transcendent bliss. Sex with Cooper was everything I had wanted it to be. It finally happened, and I felt great about it.

Fifteen minutes later we were sitting in the same position in bed, naked, eating cheesecake with cherry topping dripped over the top. We slowly consumed it almost with a sexual gratification with each bite. Making love just prior made it more delicious.

As he took his last bite, cherry sauce dripped to his chest. "Uh!" he grunted. I set my plate on the nightstand. I leaned down to lick the red drip off Cooper's chest.

"Now that was hot," he said.

"Yeah?" I smiled at him.

"Yeah," he grinned. He took his fingers wiping every bit of cherry sauce remaining onto them. He then slowly, sensually drew lines of cherry fingerpainting on my cock. I jumped from both surprise and the chill of the sauce. I almost giggled at the silliness of it all. He leaned over and took my dick in his mouth again. Slowly, gently, his tongue swirled around my penis removing and tasting the tart sweetness. He continued to suck me. I groaned in appreciation.

"Ohhh, Cooper. Oh man."

My dick stirred in his mouth. It stiffened. And he sucked it. My cock was his captive. He seemed to have no intention of releasing it.

After a minute of moaning, I said, "I wish I could come again, but it takes a while. I wish I could do it right away."

He took his mouth from my rod. "I can," he smiled.

I smiled back. I took the fork from my plate and moved the saucer above Cooper's crotch. Flipping it over, I smeared cherry and whipped cream and bits of cheesecake all over his dick and crotch. The red smeared into his groin looked tragic. I then set to clean it all off with my mouth and tongue.

Ten minutes later, his cock was straining to pump whatever cum it could muster since his last orgasm. The crescendo of his growl was matched by the tug on my hair imprisoned between his fingers. I had licked him clean, but we strolled into the bathroom to do a better job with warm washcloths.

Neither of us got dressed. We watched The Tonight Show monologue from my bed. Jimmy Fallon was giving an audience member a holiday sweater. Our bodies leaned into each other. I loved feeling Cooper next to me. After the heat of our lovemaking subsided, the December chill crept a little into the bedroom. Our penises were flaccid. Neither of us seemed to care; we enjoyed just touching our bodies. We eventually pulled the covers up to our navels. That helped a little, but we sacrificed being able to fully look at each other's body.

Cooper knew he needed to get things from his car. He hated getting dressed but forced himself. A quick dash to the car froze him to the core, albeit briefly. He reentered my bedroom, quicky shedding his shirt and pants. As quickly as he could get naked, he rejoined me in bed. He gripped my body tight, letting its heat stop him from shivering.

"Gah! You're so cold," I laughed.

"Make me warm," he begged.

We wriggled under the covers and held each other. Him being in my arms never lost its electric magic. In that moment, he was mine. I rubbed my hands all over my backside, and we pressed our bodies together. My skin placed against his skin made me deliriously happy. After a couple of minutes, he purred in the warmth of my embrace. After the short list of boyfriends I had ever been with, everything about this night felt so right.

"What time do we have to get up?" I asked.

"Do we have to?" Cooper said, burying his face into my chest.

"Are you suggesting that you will call in sick?" I asked playfully, kissing the top of his head.

"I wish," he said, kissing my nipple softly.

I pictured us snuggling in bed the entire next day. I couldn't remember a moment when I had ever been happier. The man I loved was in my arms, naked ... we had just made love. I wasn't sure if this could be forever, but for the moment, this was intimate perfection.

My finger slightly throbbed to let me know it wasn't a dream.

Cooper

I pulled myself from his wonderful arms. Moving off the bed, I reached into my bag to get my toiletry kit and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Laramie followed. There was only one sink, so he stood next to me. I watched his penis swing as he brushed his teeth. After more than two years being only with Mitchell, I found a surprising comfort level with Laramie. As I took a final pee, I began thinking about Mitchell.

Candles were blown out. Lights were turned out. We reached for each other in the darkness. We kissed.

"Good night," we both said.

We wrapped our arms around each other.

I loved the night, but my thoughts curiously shifted to Mitchell. Now that I had started this dating venture, I was experiencing more than just him. I had admitted to him I was doing so. I didn't hide anything. Was being upfront with a lover about sleeping with someone else any better than hiding it? And now what? I loved Mitch, but my feelings for Laramie were getting stronger. I had officially opened a can of worms. Masculine, hairy, lovable worms.

Dr. Horwood caused me to question what I was feeling. All I knew before was Mitchell. When that fractured, I couldn't figure out who I was or where to go. By widening my experience, had I found answers, or had I just developed an understanding of what Mitchell needed? Was this dating I was doing any less disrespectful or unfaithful? I had released Mitchell from any exclusive commitments and by doing so had inherently done the same for me. It's not uncommon for people to date more than one person at a time. As much as my upbringing would be against this, I loved dating Laramie. But for how long? I hadn't foreseen an endgame to this. By dating someone other than Mitchell, I hoped to find my answer to help me work through what I felt was missing. But was I forging into a minefield? If I went much further, all of us were going to get hurt.

But right now, in this moment, I was glad to be in the arms of Laramie. My upbringing be damned, I felt no guilt. I was happy. I rolled onto my side and moved back into him for us to spoon and cuddle.

"I'm so glad you stayed," he said, sounding like someone who was just on the verge of drifting off.

He put his arm around me. Normally I would have held his hand to my chest. Tonight, I held his finger. My thumb rubbed small circles into the bandage. "Me too," I said in response.

He slightly gyrated his waist moving closer to me. I felt his dick pressed into my hip. For the third time tonight, I had a raging hard-on. I held his finger until I fell asleep.

—

My phone alarm went off at 7 o'clock. My hand was pressed against Laramie's ass. I rolled to cancel the chime. He rolled up behind me and pulled us back together. We both hummed, feeling our bodies pressed together. His morning wood jabbed against my butt cheeks. I clutched his hand and held it tightly. We didn't move for a couple of minutes.

"I should get up," I muttered.

"Mmm. Hold me," he softly requested with a morning-laced mumble.

Laramie rolled over. I followed suit and held him. We were warm. Our body heat made the covers a wonderful haven. I gave a simple kiss to the back of his neck. I maneuvered him to turn on his stomach; I then draped my body on top of his. He groaned in approval as my weight pressed on top of his frame. I breathed him in. I wanted to remember the scent of this man I had made love to. I gently slid my dick up through the top of his ass crack. I gently rubbed it up and down the curve of his back.

"You want to fuck me?" he softly asked.

"No. No. I came twice last night. I'm quite satisfied." I frotted my cock into his body for a few more seconds. "Stop putting thoughts in my mind," I said whimsically.

I kissed the back of his neck. He then rolled over beneath me. We kissed a simple kiss. His arms wrapped around me. I lowered my weight back down from my elbows. We began grinding our erections together. But I knew I needed to get up. I threw the blankets off us.

I stepped out of bed and immediately felt chilled.

"Brr."

"I'll make coffee," he said, his cock divining his path inches before him as he walked into the kitchen.

I went to the bathroom to run a brush through my hair. I was sure it was a tangled mess, and I was correct. I started the hot water in the shower.

Stepping out of the bedroom, I said, "I'm going to hop in the shower."

"By yourself?"

We smiled at each other.

"That's up to you."

While there was some shampooing and cleaning, the shower also involved some kissing and groping. A soapy finger entered my hole causing me to call out in pleasure. We were playful. Two adult men exhibited attributes of eight-year-old children. Even after the water stopped, the kissing didn't.

After we had toweled off, I took time to shave. He did not. Laramie preferred to have facial scruff, and I was glad he did. It was never long, just neatly trimmed short. I found it magnetic. We looked at his finger and put on a fresh bandage. It would probably sting some today, but it should start its healing process. I just held it for a few seconds.

I said I would grab something to eat on the way to work. By 8:20, we were both dressed and ready to head to our respective jobs. It was casual Friday, so I had a fresh pair of khakis and a simple sweater over a T-shirt. We hugged and kissed in the driveway.

"I think that was a good second date," I said.

"Thanks for giving me another chance."

"I loved every minute of it."

We pulled apart. Before I could move to my own car, Laramie looked at me. "Hold my finger."

I smiled and gently reached for his finger. I firmly held it. I grinned. Then I held it to my chest. Finally, I brought it to my lips.

I waved as I opened the door of my car.

—

I thought of Laramie all morning. I double-checked all my figures to make sure the distractions didn't cause me to make errors.

That mindset was broken when Mitchell walked in just before lunch.

Laramie

Freddy and I were deeply in love twelve years ago. I never thought anything could match it. I loved Micah, but it never reached the depth of the young, first love Freddy and I had. My thoughts were on Cooper all day. That was no surprise. With each screw I drilled in, it was like a mechanical confirmation that last night was the best night of my life. Although we had only been on a couple of dates, I knew who Cooper was. My love for him was exactly what I had felt twelve years ago.

I didn't know how to process it. Part of me was elated that I could actually feel love like this again. The other part of me knew I loved someone who belonged to someone else.

* * * *

Look for a new post at timothylane414stories.blogspot.com. It is called "Hold My Finger."

Email: timothylane414@gmail.com