Laramie

Laramie Chapter 11

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Oooookay, we enter Act II. The first ten chapters were the prequel, so to speak. We've now caught up to Laramie's introduction in Coffee at 9. But now that his backstory has been told, we see these events in a whole new light, and from his perspective.

It's another long chapter.

Have fun.

11

July 202****2

Laramie Jenkins (33)
Cooper Snow (38)

Laramie

It was nice that the store wasn't overwhelming me. I loved being busy, but I had certainly regained my footing since the beginning of the year. I didn't feel the need to go up every Sunday. It was nice to actually enjoy a complete day off now and then. I hadn't fully decided if I was or wasn't popping in for a couple of hours, but I was leaning toward just hanging around the house. I did have to be there for a shipment delivery, which was overdue, and I demanded it get delivered so that we would have it in the morning. I didn't have to stick around.

If nothing else, I looked forward to enjoying a cappuccino at Joe. I had learned to enjoy the beverage, thanks to Roman. I wasn't seeing anyone — and my self-esteem wasn't necessarily any more stellar since Roman dumped me — but just being among other gay men — even if just customer proximity — helped me feel a part of the community. I never invested a great deal of effort into building a strong circle of gay friends. Freddy still lived so far away. Anything else locally was simply casual. I just buried myself in running Jenkins Mantle, but that was being responsible — and probably expected of a new storeowner.

The cloud cover had kept it from getting too hot this morning. It was still warm enough for early in the day, but coffee still sounded good.

I entered the coffee shop. Joe was about half full, but I saw a place by the window that would let me look outside.

At the last minute, I opted for a mocha latte this time. I recognized the barista but didn't know his name. I knew he would bring it to me, but I was content to stand at the counter and inhale the aroma of fresh pastries.

Shortly, the server handed me my piping hot beverage. I worked my way back to the table I had mentally selected. I was startled by a gentleman suddenly standing and turning toward me. I guess I hadn't been paying attention.

We collided. Both his drink and mine splattered my shirt. The liquid was scalding. My cup landed on the floor with a crash.

"Damn!" I screamed. I tried to pull my shirt away from my skin; much of hot brew had soaked through the fabric. "OW! Damn. Ow, ow, ow!"

"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" the man said. "I'm so sorry! I know that's hot. Quick! Go pull it off in the bathroom and wash it out. I will run next door and grab you a shirt."

I clenched my teeth and continued to pull the hot material away from my skin.

The gentleman called out, "Brad!"

"I'm on it. I saw," the barista said, who I now knew his name.

I darted into the bathroom.

Cooper

I watched the entire coffee shop look at me as I darted out the door. I ran over to Attitudes, a gay gift store next door. The store had just opened. They didn't have much of a selection in the way of clothes, but I grabbed a T-shirt from a rack near the counter. Would a large or extra-large fit him better? He was slightly shorter than me. A large would probably be right, but if it was too small, then I was just complicating my mistake. I charged the XL and darted back to Joe.

Brad was standing outside the bathrooms. He waited for me to return. "I think he's okay."

I noticed the manager mopping the site of our collision. Our two coffees made quite the splatter. I turned to the men's room door and softly knocked. "It's me. I have a shirt for you."

I heard the doorknob turn. I went in.

"Hi. Here. I'm so sorry. They didn't have much of a selection. I'm so sorry," I said handing him a shirt. "I'm sorry."

The gentleman took the shirt from me. I stared at his chest for a moment as he rolled the shirt up to pull over his head. I thought his chest was beautiful. Hairier than Mitch's (and certainly mine). I always liked a hairy chest. The shirt pulled down below his belt. I should have gotten the large. This hung on him a bit. The design was a rainbow flag with the town courthouse silhouetted in the foreground. The words "Jackson Bend" were printed below.

"They didn't have much of a choice. I'm sorry. Did the coffee come out? I'm sorry."

My face was frantic. I felt horrible. For the first time we both looked at each other in the face.

"What's your name?"

"Cooper. I'm so sorry."

"Cooper, relax. I'm fine. I'm okay. I know it was an accident. Thank you for the shirt; that was kind. Why don't we get out of here."

I opened the door and the two of us walked out into the main area. Several eyes turned to stare at us. I was mortified that I had created such a spectacle. Gawd.

"Have a seat, gents. I'll have two new coffees to you in a second," Brad called to us.

I returned to where I was sitting, and this gentleman looked at me in an expression that said, "May I join you?" I nodded and extended an open palm to the seat across from me.

"I'm sorry. I don't know your name."

"Larry."

"I'll happily replace the shirt. Let me know how much you need."

"Cooper. Relax. It's okay. If the stain doesn't come out, it doesn't come out. I'll live."

"But it's my fault."

"Maybe, maybe not. We just collided."

"It kind of happened back to me in February. Someone poured coffee down my leg. We now see each other every other Sunday morning. He just had to leave a little while ago actually."

"Oooo, a real boy-meets-boy scenario," Larry said.

"Ha. Nothing like that. He's in his 60s. We're just friends. Heaven knows I need those."

Brad came over with two cups, plus a cinnamon roll. "The roll is on the house," he said. He placed my black coffee in front of me. "Maybe keep the lid on this time?" he said to me with a wink. "Laramie, you had a mocha latte, right?"

He nodded.

"Thanks, Brad," we both said.

I took a sip through the hole in the lid. "Nope. Can't do that." I started to peel it off. "Watch out, I'm getting dangerous here."

He chuckled.

Brad had not brought an extra plate but did bring two forks. We both reached for one, not really knowing what to say. "Mmm" we echoed in unison at the taste of the warm pastry.

"Brad called you Laramie instead of Larry."

"It's my real name. I don't always go by it."

"It's beautiful; I love it."

"Uck. I'm not a fan. I think I was named after an old relative I never met. I've never liked it. Laramie. It sounds ... biblical, like Lazarus or something."

"I don't know. It has a western feel to it. It has country character."

"Well, that fits. I grew up on a farm."

We took another bite of cinnamon roll.

Laramie

I was impressed this Brad knew my real name. I guess he had seen it on my credit card a few times. Nice memory.

Cooper was a handsome man. Blonde, a little taller than me. If there was a word I would pick, it would be "gorgeous." Chris Evans good looking.

"So, what about you, Cooper? Tell me about yourself."

"Ohhh, let's not make me look any worse right off the bat," he joked.

For a few minutes we talked about the coffee shop. Cooper mentioned coming on Sundays. I said I typically came in around 11 but was early today because of an overdue delivery at work. I mentioned treating myself to a cup on Wednesday mornings before heading into work. We made friendly — and colorful — comments about Brad. I had met Doreen at some point. We thought Brad was the most fun.

"Do you mind if I call you Laramie?" he asked.

"If you wish."

"So, what do you do, if I may ask?"

"I'm a carpenter."

"Well, that's different. I do believe you are the first carpenter I have ever met. How interesting."

"Oh, well I don't know about that."

"Hey, I'm an accountant. Compared to me, you're fascinating."

"Well, I'm sure you make more than I do."

"Eh. That's all surface. I'm sure you enjoy your work more than me."

"Maybe. Although, I could see some people sorting of geeking out on numbers."

He laughed. "Maybe. Perhaps from time to time. So, what kind of things do you build?"

"Furniture. Shelving, cabinetry, tables ... that kind of thing."

"Wow. I'd love to see your work someday."

"I actually own a shop four blocks away. It's called Jenkins Mantle. That's my last name."

"Jenkins or Mantle?"

"Jenkins, smart aleck," I said, grinning.

"Are you from around here?"

"No. Several hours from here. Eureka, Kansas. I got a degree in management. I worked in a department store for about two years. I realized I hated it. I worked with my hands growing up. I loved building things. I decided to follow what I love doing."

"I love that. So, what brought you to Jackson Bend?"

Fuck. I didn't want to bring up my parents — or Phillip. I didn't want my family to look like a bunch of shmucks. I took a sip of coffee. "Next topic."

I think I made him uncomfortable. He probably thought he said something wrong.

"So other than flinging coffee and being an accountant, what else is there to Cooper?" I asked.

Like me, Cooper was quiet for a moment. Perhaps he had issues in the past too.

"Well. I have a son. He's 13, almost 14. I was married for 14 years. My wife and I ... ex-wife ... get along pretty well now. I'm building a house. That's about it."

"That's enough to make you quite intriguing."

"Why?" he asked. "Because I was living a straight life for a while?"

"Sure. That's something I can't relate to."

"Well, I don't know how interesting it would make me. I'm pretty good at messing things up. Or being in the middle of messed up things."

I patted his arm. "We can swap stories one day." I couldn't fathom his messed-up things topping Dad walking in on me having an orgasm during my first fuck. I was the king of things going wrong.

His eyes looked me over. I was doing the same.

Our coffees were about finished. I hated seeing this little conversation end. Cooper was nice.

"So, if I came in earlier on Sundays, I might see you again?"

"Uh, well, sure. I meet Emory usually. Older gentleman. He's on a trip, so ... he won't be here in two weeks. I'll be here then, by myself, I guess. I have my son every other weekend."

"Well, if you want some company, perhaps I'll see you then."

He smiled but didn't say anything. We both finished our coffee.

"Cooper, would you like to get dinner this week?"

"Ohhh, Laramie, I'm coming off a hard breakup and actually seem to be taking steps to perhaps patch it up. I'm not up to dating. I'm a mess."

"Could you use another friend?"

"Huh?"

"We don't have to make it a date. We can just have dinner as friends. I don't have many. I've enjoyed talking with you. Meeting for dinner with somebody might be nice for me. Didn't you say you wanted more friends?"

He contemplated my offer.

"Why not? I have ... a meeting ... on Wednesdays, but I could do Tuesday or Thursday."

"How about Tuesday. 7 o'clock?"

"Sure. But how do you know I don't spill coffee on someone every week just to get dinner invitations?"

I laughed for several seconds.

"I'll risk it. If it's a ploy, I'll just play along with your scheme."

He gave me a big smile. I reached for his phone. He had placed it at the edge of the table when he had checked the time a few minutes ago. I held up the phone and took a selfie. After tapping a few keys, I was now in his phone.

"You now have my contact info."

"With a photo of the shirt I bought you even," he said blankly, looking at the screen.

We both stood and planned to exit together. I reached down and picked up the wet shirt. He grimaced looking at it dangling from my grip. I knew he felt terrible. I reached out to shake his hand.

As we walked out, I noticed Brad smiled at us. Once outside, Cooper and I waved to each other as we walked to our cars. Despite the soiled shirt in my hand, I was glad I got to meet him.

Tuesday

Laramie

Work had been busy. Our A/C was having problems keeping up. I called someone to come out and look at it, but he couldn't be there until Thursday. Tomorrow would probably be another hot day in the back of the store. At least the air conditioner wasn't completely conked out.

As I got into my car, even I could smell the sweat on me. I wanted to present myself nicely for this new friend, so a shower was unquestionably essential.

It was kind of nice not having to worry about a "date." Dating was always awkward. Having dinner with just a friend would be a treat. Simple company would be nice. Gay company. My friends were mostly straight, and even in that regard, not a large group. I wouldn't even need one hand to count my number of gay friends. I assume Micah still lived in town. Maybe he didn't. Roman was "kind of" a friend. Maybe. Actually, I got a gay vibe from one of the tellers at the bank and, of course, the people at Joe. But I couldn't call those people friends. They were more like business acquaintances. I'm glad I asked Cooper to dinner. I needed this.

I rubbed the soap all through my crotch, making the suds froth. I decided to use my scented shower gel on my chest. It wasn't a date, but I still wanted to come off nicely. Roman had me slightly freaked out earlier in the spring that I felt unsophisticated. He never said that, but it wouldn't hurt to try to make a good first impression.

As I fingered suds into my ass crack, I thought of Cooper. He was so handsome. Whoever he was trying to patch things up with would be lucky to have him back. But what did I know? I didn't think Cooper was a serial killer, but I only knew him from our simple visit at Joe. He could secretly rob banks and strangle bunnies for all I knew. I felt confident his niceness wasn't a façade, but I assumed I would find out shortly.

Once I texted him earlier today that McGee's was my choice, I was admittedly excited for the rest of the day. Removing the dating aspect was liberating. I didn't have to get all worked up about Micah or Roman or Freddy or C.J. or anybody. The simplicity of it all had me in a good mood.

I needed friends. There was no requirement to have a certain quota of gay friends if one was gay, but it would be good for me regardless.

I arrived at McGee's first. I told the hostess I'd be joined by one other, but I felt like a beer, so I went ahead and took a table. The server was there promptly and took my beverage order. I contemplated getting a pitcher, but I wasn't sure what Cooper's tastes might be.

For five minutes, I crunched through peanuts and threw the shells onto the floor below the table.

Cooper

Laramie had texted me he felt like a burger. That certainly dispelled any thoughts of a romantic date. Unless you're a teenager. I wasn't familiar with McGee's, but he provided the address. As I entered the door, I wasn't sure what to tell the hostess. I had no idea if he was already here. Then I saw a hand waving at me. I pointed to him and smiled and nodded at the hostess. As I walked the aisle to his table, I would occasionally hear the crunch of peanut shells on the hardwood floor. As I moved into a booth with Laramie, I saw shells everywhere under the table. A tin bucket of peanuts was on every table. Laramie was popping a few nuts into his mouth as I said "hello."

He smiled, swallowed, and finally said, "It's good to see you, Cooper."

Laramie looked different than at the coffee shop. At Joe, he gave off a boy-next-door cuteness. This evening he was wearing a cowboy hat, a beautiful burgundy long-sleeved shirt and a suede vest. He looked very country. And very hot. I liked everything about the look.

I figured a burger place was a bit much for a sport coat, but I left it on anyway. No tie. My long-sleeve was light blue, the jacket navy. I had changed into a pair of jeans.

"That's a good look for you," I said. "I like it."

"Likewise," he returned.

Laramie told me a bit of the history surrounding the restaurant. Looking at the décor and the furnishing, I was surprised I was unaware of it. McGee's had lots of charm.

I ordered a bacon cheeseburger with tots. He went grander with something called Panhandler that was slathered in grilled onions, jalapenos, a fried egg and something called Pecos sauce. We handed our menus to our server, Patrice.

I asked if Patrice could divide the check. She nodded. Laramie looked at me slightly strangely.

"We agreed it was just dinner between friends," I said. "Even though you asked me, I didn't want you to feel obligated to pay."

Laramie rolled his eyes.

"How was work?" I asked. I felt it was a safe enough question to start.

"Pleasantly busy. People must be using the summer to rethink their homes. I've received quite a few orders to build libraries and shelving."

"Well, that's nice." I smiled, not sure how to follow up. "I really should come see your place."

"Eighth and McClure, next to a nail salon. So how was work for you?"

"Busy. We just took on a new client — BIG client — and my workload has still not subsided. It's all good, though. It involved a promotion, which made my new house possible."

"When is that supposed to be done?"

"Well, that depends upon which day of the week and which guy you talk to," I said with a smile. "I do like my builder, but answers seem to float around. It should be sometime in the fall."

"Nice."

"I am intrigued to see if you might be able to build what I'm picturing for the library. Sounds like I should get my order in."

As we talked shoptalk, Patrice brought me an iced tea and Laramie a draft beer.

"Oh, they have pitchers here. I should have asked if you wanted to share one. Do you like beer?"

"I'm good," I calmly said. I didn't feel the need to let him know I was an alcoholic right away.

"My house isn't that big," he said. "The master bedroom is nice, one bedroom is okay, a tad small. The third is pretty small in my opinion, like a nursery. I can't see a teenager being confined to it."

"Well, I told you Sunday I was reacting to a recent breakup. So. I'll ask. Is the place all to yourself, I assume?"

"Oh yeah. I don't think I'd need to ask friends out to dinner if I was still involved. That's been a while."

"I see. Messy?"

"Nah. We just ... weren't at the same place. We probably drug it out longer than it needed to be. He was younger, still in his 20s. He started going to gay bars at the end of college. We met at Lamar Station, you know, the country-and-western gay bar."

Laramie

"Haven't been," Cooper said.

I hadn't really thought about it, but Lamar Station closed down a few months ago. What is it now? Is it next to Daniel's? Maybe it was vacant.

"I actually think we fell in love after a month of seeing each other. We were great for quite a while. Less than a year later, I wanted to move forward. I asked him to move in with me just before his lease was going to be up. He ... turned me down. We drifted quickly. I wasn't enough for him to be fully open with his family."

I wondered what Micah was doing now. Did he eventually come out to his family? If so, he probably found himself a nice guy. Micah had a lot of good qualities. It had been a couple of years now. Perhaps I should call him. Or would he take it that I wanted to start things back up. And ... would that be so terrible of an idea?

"Don't be hard on yourself."

"Maybe. Perhaps I should say he wanted someone different than who I was. For a while, I wanted us to completely commit. Not marriage or anything, but ... he wasn't ready. He still had closeted fears. Then we just ... weren't the same."

Cooper's expression conveyed empathy.

"So how about you? Messy breakup? You're fixing it, right?"

"Uhhh. Kinda messy. Cheated."

"Uh oh. Him or you?"

"Oh, HE was the one who cheated. I walked in on them ... during."

"Holy fuck. That can't be pleasant."

"No. We were done, as far as I was concerned. He still insists he loves me and is trying to make me take him back."

"Do you want to?"

"That's a hard one, Laramie. Mitch was the one who brought me out of the closet. He was my rope, my guide. I'll always love him for that. And yeah, I have strong feelings for him. I do. This ... crappy trust issue is just standing in my way."

"Well. I hope it turns out the way that makes you the happiest. If you were meant to be, you'll know it. If not, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Even as a gay man. I could finally realize that after I left small-town Kansas."

What was that all about? I tried to sound so knowledgeable, but I was a pathetic example. Since leaving Kansas I had really had a pitiful record of relationships.

"I wish I felt more comfortable with that. Mitch taught me so much. We even work in the same building. Without him, I feel like I'm floundering, a real misfit."

"Just be yourself."

"You sound like Emory."

I gave him a confused look. I didn't understand. Who was he talking about?

"My older coffee friend," Cooper explained. "He tells me to not worry about it and be myself."

"Good advice. I thought you were very nice. And look, you've made another friend."

"After exhibiting my skilled athletic prowess. I'm surprised you feel safe enough to be at the same table."

"You're easy to look at, too," I said.

I think we both kind of blushed. Fortunately, the burgers came. He looked at mine as if it were insane.

"How can you even attempt to eat that?"

"Oh, I've had many."

The arrival of food caused conversation to stop. Cooper told me that outside of grabbing fast food with his son, he hadn't had a big burger like this in quite some time. I pictured him as a dad. He seemed like he could be a good father. I never once pictured myself as having kids. I never really desired them, particularly babies. After several mouthfuls of grilled deliciousness, conversation resumed. I mentioned to Cooper that I never had the yearning to have kids. He complimented my choice of places. The food was great each time I came, and I liked the casual atmosphere.

"I like this place," Cooper said. "Nice atmosphere, and my food is delicious." He stared at my burger. "I'm amazed your stomach can take that."

"Most of the times it does, but sometimes it doesn't. It's worth the risk. This burger is to die for."

I enjoyed talking to Cooper. He didn't seem fake in any way. Perhaps we both could add a gay friend to our social circle. Not that I had a social circle.

"You mentioned a son. Tell me about him."

Cooper

This was bad. Corey kind of comes with a failed heterosexual marriage, an awkward divorce and alcoholism problem. Suddenly, I felt uncomfortable.

"Another beer, champ?" Patrice asked Laramie as she topped off my iced tea.

"Sure. Want something?" he asked, looking at me.

"I'm good. Thanks."

After Patrice walked away, Laramie looked into the middle space of nothingness. "Where were we? Oh yeah, your son."

"Corey's awesome. He's about to turn 14, but there are times he seems like he is 20. Mature. Resilient. I couldn't be prouder of him."

"Um. Can I ask if there is a mom in the picture? I'm not sure of your situation, if I may ask."

"Oh dear. Okay. I hate to lay this on you during our first dinner out, but ... yeah. I was married 14 years. Then I wrestled with who I was. Finally admitted it. And ..."

"It's okay. You don't owe me any explanation," Laramie said.

"I developed a drinking problem. I'm ... I'm an alcoholic. I'm in AA. Sober for almost two years. But that whole scenario sort of crashed into rubble. For a few weeks, I tried to make that rubble a home. And it just didn't work. In a drunken fit of anger, I pushed Corey to the ground. That was the turning point. So, there it is. I accepted I was gay, joined AA and now ... now I am living an honest life. I'm me."

He smiled but didn't say anything.

"See why I am a total mess?"

"You're not a mess. You're a human being confronting what life has thrown out. You should feel proud of what you've accomplished. Did you find support from your family?"

"OH NO. Super religious. I'm some sort of a pariah. It's hard to be with them."

Laramie snatched my wrist. "I totally understand!" He seemed to startle himself with his knee-jerk reaction and gently let go. I figured there was a tender wound under the surface there somewhere.

We tried to lighten the mood. He let me talk about our company picnic a bit; I told him about Corey's choir program. He shared things I didn't know about horses; I asked about his favorite furniture project ever. We talked about simple gay things: movies we'd seen, what little wardrobe either of us had, Pride parades, gay people in television commercials.

"Full confession, I don't know what letters come after LGBTQ," I said.

"My confession? I can't even explain the Q."

We chuckled and continued to crunch on peanuts even though neither of us were remotely hungry anymore. After tonight, I knew I needed a longer run tomorrow. I realized we had visited for more than two hours.

"I'm sure Patrice would love to turn this table," I said. "I should probably head home."

"Me, too. I need to go in early tomorrow." Laramie looked at me. "I've enjoyed this; thanks for meeting me."

"I have too."

If I was honest with myself, I would admit that I felt less alone. I had no idea what Laramie's baggage might be or if he was working through anything at all. But I felt less alone. In some ways, he was a kindred soul. I felt less of a gay misfit.

We tipped Patrice big, and she called us "handsome" and "good lookin'" when she picked up the payments and wished us good night. I needed to return to this establishment.

We walked out together. Before separating to our cars, I pondered if I could give Laramie a hug. Would that be too forward this soon?

"Laramie ..."

I didn't finish. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a squeeze.

"I needed tonight. Thanks."

"Maybe I'll see you at Joe in a couple of weeks?" I posed.

"I'd like that."

Thursday

Laramie Jenkins (33)
Freddy Spaulding (34)

Laramie

"Hey, I'm glad you picked up."

"Don't I always?" Freddy replied.

"You and Josh can sometimes be out."

"Alas, we've become an old, boring married couple."

"Thirty-four. Yeah. Old."

"What's up?"

"I met someone this week. He's actually really gorgeous."

"Great! So ... did you see ALL of gorgeous him?"

"No. This guy and I are just friends. We crashed into each other at a coffee shop Sunday, and it turned into a dinner out."

"Friends."

"Yeah. It wasn't a date, but ... I had a really good time with him. I haven't had a lot of friends here, Freddy, especially gay ones."

"I agree with you there. You've holed yourself up in that store for years."

"Whatever. I own the place now, don't I?"

"So, tell me about this dude."

"His name is Cooper. He was married to a woman for 14 years and has a son just about that age."

"And he's gay?"

"Yeah. Years of denial, or so he says. He's trying to fix the relationship with the guy who brought him out of the closet."

"What happened?"

"He caught the boyfriend cheating."

"Yikes. That's a tough fix."

"I think they are trying. Perhaps having a new friend to talk to will help."

"Perhaps. But I think it will help you more, Larry."

"Oh?"

"Yes! I've wanted you to expand your circle of friends for years. Even if you two don't date or become a couple or ... whatever, he might have friends to introduce you to. He sounds intriguing."

"Really nice."

"So, did you sleep together?"

"No! Honestly, Freddy. We just met. It was just dinner. He's just a friend. Jeez Louise!"

"There is a term friends with benefits, you know."

"After Micah and Roman, I think just a friend is more my speed. I'm not the best boyfriend material anyway."

"Oh, I disagree with you there," Freddy defended. "But with friends with benefits, it's just friends."

Freddy

Larry didn't have a lot of experience, in my opinion. He just needed to get laid every now and then. I would imagine he had slept with less than ten men, not that there was anything wrong with that. But what did I know? I was the first person to break his heart. After all these years, I still wanted him to find the right guy. I guessed this dude wasn't going to be the one. If nothing else, maybe he could introduce him to the right person.

Joshua sat next to me on the couch and curled up to me. Looking at his expression, I mouthed "Larry" to him silently.

"Josh says, hi," I fabricated.

Larry told me about the pressures of the store, but at the same time, he said he was learning to enjoy all the responsibilities. I pictured him as a boss. I think he would be nice to work for. I was overdue for a visit. Afterall, he did come out to Boston to visit us. Even that has been a while though.

"I need to come visit you one day. WE need to come visit," I told my college boyfriend.

"I'd love to see you guys," Laramie said. "Maybe I can get to New York one day too. It all just seems harder now that I own the store."

"I get that." I thought for a moment. "Christmas in New York is pretty cool. Maybe one day."

"I'd love that. I'm sure it is pretty special. I wonder if business will pick up near the end of the year. I remember some special request orders in the past. Hopefully business will stay strong. I think I have a pretty good customer base already."

"That doesn't surprise me. I'm sure you treat your customers quite well."

"Customer service is something I really stress with the entire staff. It's kind of how I met Roman."

"A shame he didn't work out."

"He needed someone more sophisticated than me."

"I still think you are reading more into that than he intended. He was very upfront with you," I insisted. "He was probably right. You'd be miserable with him."

"Maybe. It would be nice to maybe see."

"I'd rather see you with Mr. Gorgeous."

"Cooper."

"With Cooper. Broken relationships are often hard to mend. Maybe things will turn your way."

"For now, I'm just enjoying having a new friend."

"When do you see him again?"

"No plans. I might try to bump into him ... well, not bump into him ... at the coffee shop a week from Sunday. He's just nice. Maybe it will be the beginning of even more friends."

"One can hope."

—

Early August

Laramie Jenkins
Cooper Snow

Cooper

"Hey. Sitting here staring out the window. You've sent me two whole texts from your trip. I hope it is going okay."

Two minutes later, Emory texted me back.

"Okay."

"Uh oh. Is that why you've been so quiet? Not having a good time?"

"I wouldn't say that. It's just ... okay. My brother just looks so old to me. Kind of frail. I guess he is 71, but he looks older than that. Not sure what's going on. It's nice to see family though. I guess I was expecting a livelier visit. But I'm glad I'm here."

"Enjoy all you can. You'll appreciate having gone when you get back."

"Thanks. Miss sitting with you today, though."

I sent him a smiley emoji. "By the way, I met someone here after you left two weeks ago. New friend. You'd be proud of me."

"Good for you. Just don't replace me."

I sent a laughing emoji. "My turn to be out next time. I'll be on my trip with Corey."

He sent me a thumbs up.

My coffee was black today. Sitting alone, I didn't care to be rambunctious with some wild flavorings. Black was good.

"No company today?" Brad asked as he roamed by.

"Emory is away. He is using up vacation time before his retirement at the end of the month."

"And your bathroom fella?"

"Bathroom..." I blustered out a guffaw. "He says he comes in later."

"He does. But you two were so cute after your coffee crash."

"Oh, please. Just friends. Don't couple us off yet."

"You say that, but look who's early?"

Brad and I watched Laramie walk by the windows. A minute later he was standing at the edge of the table.

Laramie

"I hope it is okay if I join you," I said to Cooper.

"Sure. Good morning, Laramie."

He looked at Brad. "Cappuccino?" Brad nodded.

"How has your last week gone?"

"Busy. And that's good. I saw a surprising dip at the beginning of the year that was unsettling. And now, they are pouring in the doors," I said.

It was true. I was so nervous as a new shop owner, but business is strong enough that I can probably bring on one more employee.

"Fantastic. I promise, I will come see your shop one day."

"Nice. You and your son are about to take off, right?"

"This Saturday. Father/son trip. Ten days."

"Work lets you take longer than a week, huh?"

"Two additional days. I have him the rest of that week. He's old enough to stay alone at my place during the day. I'm not sure I feel good about that. I'll go home each day and have lunch with him. Natalie has let him stay home alone for short periods of time. A parent's mind just starts juggling all sorts of fears, you know?'

"Sadly, having never had kids, I can't relate. I'm sure it's scary."

Cooper was interesting. I had never had a gay friend with a kid before. Not that I had a lot of gay friends. I tried to picture him as a father. I enjoyed our conversations last month. He was probably a nice dad, but I had no way of knowing.

"I'm excited for the trip though," he said. "Mitchell, Corey and I took one last summer. Only a few days, but it was great."

"How are things with you and him right now?" I asked.

"Fine. We are enjoying seeing each other. I think he wants to move it along further. He's giving me space, but I'm not sure if I am moving closer to what he wants."

"Sex still good?" I just threw the question out there.

Cooper sighed. "All my friends seem much more comfortable talking about sex than me. But ... yes. Really good."

"Go with it," I offered.

"Dare I ask about your sex life?" Cooper returned.

"You can ask. I have nothing to tell. The last guy I slept with was in March."

"And where did it lead?"

As much as Roman and I seemed to enjoy our time, I knew he felt I wasn't right for him, or him for me. I still wish we had at least tried to take a chance.

"Nowhere. It happened twice. We enjoyed it, but we both knew we weren't right for each other. Since then, I've buried myself in work. It seems to keep me occupied."

"When it is right, I'm sure you will be open to it."

I thought about the words when it's right. The only person I really felt to whom that statement qualified was Freddy. Charlie was simply a high school crush. C.J., Micah and Roman all had their snags. None of them were "right." Certainly not.

"I could be. Sadly, I make a horrible first impression."

"Why do you say that?"

He chuckled. "My track record. It's full of bad luck."

"Bad luck??"

Where to begin? And did I want to? Charlie in the driveway and being caught in the hayloft. My dad seeing me come while getting fucked for the first time? Did I have enough courage to open up to Cooper?

"Well, let's start with my first time with a boy. I was a junior. Growing up on a farm, boys just aren't gay. They aren't. It is never spoken about in a positive light. At least back home. But I got close to a friend. Really close. We were drawn to each other. We were outside in the driveway and started exploring. Just kissing really. But I liked it. And while our hands were on each other, he came on my shorts. He was embarrassed. To be honest, I was probably seconds away from coming in my underwear. I was mortified that I caused him to do that."

"You're very open, Laramie."

"Eh, it's all in the past. We've had dinner. It's not like you are a total stranger."

Cooper

I would never dream of talking about my sex life with people. Yet, my friends seem to ask and talk about it openly. My upbringing was still engrained in me, I guessed. At least I didn't blush talking about it.

Brad brought his cappuccino. Laramie had a five at the corner of the table for him.

"The first time anything sexual really happened was in the barn. Same guy. We were seniors. We were kissing. Then we started feeling each other. I got a blanket, and we took our clothes off and just kissed and felt each other. I loved it. Feeling another guy's cock was a dream. It turned into my first blowjob. Then my brother caught us, and I spent fifteen minutes begging him not to tell my mother and father."

"Oh man. That sucks."

"Yeah." He took a sip. "Let's stop there. It only gets worse."

"Bless your heart."

"I think I'm more of a friend kind of guy than a lover kind of guy," Laramie said.

"Hey! Did your shirt ever come clean? Do I need to pay you for that?"

"It took two washes, but it is fine. You're sweet, but it's fine."

We talked for half an hour. Nothing important, just simple conversation. We talked about things around Jackson Bend. We both seemed to like the city. I talked about Emory a little. A heat wave was forecasted for later in the week, so I was glad to be heading east. He suggested taking Corey to the Staten Island Ferry because it cost nothing, and we could see the Statue of Liberty from it.

It was not a long visit, not nearly as long as our dinner a while back. In the parking lot, we hugged briefly.

"Since you'll be gone a while, want to do dinner Tuesday? Your choice this time."

"I think I can. Is Italian okay?"

"Sure."

"I'll text."

Laramie Jenkins (33)
Grayson Jenkins (30)

Grayson

"So, you've been seeing a guy but you're not dating him?? How is that again?"

"We're just friends, but ... I like being around him. Do you have friends you just do stuff with, Gray?"

"Well... sure. I mean, I did a LOT before Miranda. But I still will hang with a bud from time to time."

"She doesn't have you locked down?"

"Ha. No. But ... I haven't told anyone, but ... I'm thinking of proposing."

"Really!!? That's awesome."

"Maybe. It's a bit scary, but I'm 30. I can't dawdle forever."

"Do you picture spending your life with her?"

"I do. I want to."

"Then it's probably time."

"Well, we're living together now, so it's not a huge transition."

"It will be official."

"Mom will be happier too," I said to Larry.

"She sure will. Both for not living in sin and the greater possibility of a grandbaby."

"Don't make us parents yet."

"Do you want kids?"

I paused a moment. Miranda and I had discussed it. I still wasn't sure though. When are people truly sure? It all sounds good, until it all sounds scary.

"I do, Lar'. I do. But then I start to worry."

"As does every parent in the world. So, Cooper, my new friend is a dad too."

"But ... gay?"

"Yeah. He shares some fears he has about his son Corey, but I see him light up when he talks about him. You'll be the same way, Gray. You'll be a great dad."

"Maybe. But it would be nice to just be husband and wife first."

"True. So maybe your proposal is a good idea."

"If I propose this fall, I can see us getting married next summer. That should give us a few years to have a couple of kids, if that's what we decide we want."

"Man. It's so hard to think of my little brother having kids."

"You know I hate it when you call me that," I groaned.

Laramie

"I know."

In some ways, Grayson had matured more than me. I felt every bit of an adult, but he was thinking of marriage and kids... Thank heavens I own the store. That makes me feel rooted. If I was just floundering between relationships going nowhere and avoiding going home, I probably wouldn't think much of myself. Having a house and business of my own gives me enough to be proud of.

"Hey, Lar'?"

"Yeah?"

"If we do get married, will ... will you come home?"

"You think you will get married in Eureka?"

"Well, Kansas."

"Hm."

"Would you come?"

"Of course, I would," I said to my brother.

"Good. I know I want you there."

"You have to propose first."

"Don't push me."

I laughed.

"Hey, I need to run," Gray said. "We'll talk more soon. Love you, brother."

"Love you too, Gray. Good luck."

We hung up.

Of course, I would want to be at my brother's wedding. My mind transitioned. The thought of me going back to Kansas almost made my body shudder. I would do it for him. I wouldn't have to stay in our old house. A hotel would be just fine. But that was a bridge to cross when I actually would come to it.

I'd do anything for Grayson.

It had been years since Phillip's passing. I hated that my memories with him weren't quite as strong. I still held on to them, but they weren't as vivid. His voice, his hair, his walk ... I could recall them all, but it wasn't as sharp. That made me sad. I wondered if it was the same for Grayson since he was even younger.

Laramie Jenkins
Cooper Snow

Laramie

Cooper was about to take a trip with his son Corey. I thought it was great for them. I knew he didn't get to spend as much time with his son as he wanted. As good as it was for Cooper, I was disappointed that I couldn't see him for a couple of weeks. Cooper was the first real gay friend that I didn't date. I liked having someone to talk to, someone that was easy to be honest with if I needed.

Thankfully, we were able to meet for dinner before the two of them left. He seemed up for Italian. I hadn't been to Basil and Chianti before. I always enjoyed finding a new place to eat.

Miles and I had begun talking about bringing another person on. If business continued as it was, I felt I could add another person to help us as we headed into the holiday season. I hated training another person, but we were going to need one. It would be great if someone already skilled would apply, but I knew that wasn't supremely likely.

I pulled into a parking space. I wouldn't have called the place fancy, but I was glad that I had dressed up at least into a long-sleeved shirt.

Cooper was sitting next to the hostess stand. We were seated immediately.

I guessed he was wearing what he did to work. He was in a sport coat and tie. He always looked handsome.

Cooper

Laramie twirled spaghetti with meat sauce on his fork. My manicotti was delicious. We were both enjoying our meal. I had driven by the house and told him of the small construction progress over dinner. I asked him about things I'd like to see in the library.

"Will they subcontract with me?" he asked. "I'd love to do it. I know some builders are very strict about their own crews."

"I will investigate. These guys were very upfront about working with the client to make sure I was completely satisfied. Let's see what I can arrange."

I told him of the activities I had planned for our boys trip. He seemed interested enough and thought a young teenager should enjoy it.

"Text me a picture now and then. I'm going to kind of miss you," Laramie said.

I smiled at him. "Me too. I appreciate you being a friend I can talk to. How big is your circle of friends, Laramie?"

"Um ... not big. Not big at all. I have two people that work with me. One is too young to really hang out with. The other has fantastic carpentry skills. He's great. Single. Straight. He knows about me and is cool with it. We might grab a drink every now and then. We can talk sports, work, I will occasionally listen to him talk about women — he's all talk though — and pinball, believe it or not."

"Pinball?"

"Yeah. We're both kind of junkies. We have one in the back of the shop. We tinker with repairs from time to time but haven't in months. Our own machine seems to serve more as a table now than a piece of recreation. Occasionally we'll go and just play machines and quaff a few beers."

"Well, that sounds nice. Fun."

"Yeah." He paused. "I like Miles. We enjoy each other's company. But ... I can't really unload everything on him. I try to keep the gay stuff at bay."

"But he's okay with you being gay."

"Yeah. He is. I just don't know how much he wants to hear, you know?" Laramie wiped his mouth on a napkin. "Boyfriends, relationships, breakups ... hot guys ... that kind of thing — I steer clear. That's why it is nice to talk to you. Honestly."

"I get that."

Although I had straight friends at work, I didn't really spend time with them. My closest friends were the coffee guys at Joe and my AA friends. Some of them were straight.

Laramie

I thought about Micah and me.

"My last boyfriend — serious boyfriend anyway — was kind of like that in a way. I loved him; he loved me, but he wasn't too comfortable being out of the closet. We didn't mesh with many gay friends. Or he didn't. He could be himself with his friends that he was out to, but not many others. He was closeted at work. Liked the gay bars but didn't let himself be his true self elsewhere. He wouldn't even talk about me with his family. He was 28 and still not out with them. Eventually, we both knew we didn't fit. Even though we felt strongly toward each other, we were in different places. It was amicable. Still kind of sad."

"I'm sorry," Cooper responded.

"It is what it is."

"You mentioned someone in March?"

"A customer, actually."

"Really!?"

"I finished a project in his house. As I looked around, there were things that clearly told me he was gay. He noticed me looking at certain items and got the picture. He asked me out, believe it or not. Dinner a couple of times, then I stayed over one Saturday night."

"And?"

"Nice. No real fireworks, but nice. We tried to find some common interests to go out and do things. He wasn't getting near two-step, and I was a fish with a bicycle at the symphony. There was a level of sophistication that he had that I don't think he thought I did. He wasn't a snob or anything, but we both felt uncomfortable in each other's worlds. We had sex a second time. Better, but we knew it wasn't enough. We just let each other go."

That was a lie. Roman dumped me. Why did I feel like I had to word it that way? I had been willing to give us a chance. Roman just thought I'd be miserable trying to fit into his world.

"A shame. I guess just keeping a friendship wasn't in the cards."

"Not us," I said. "Two nice guys that just didn't fit together. I'm not sure what kind I fit with exactly."

"I have felt the same. Mitch and I are just so good together. Damn him for wrecking it. But ... I'm trying."

"You're fucking, so you are more than trying," I said with a grin.

"True. We've made steps."

Soon we both knew we had things to tend to.

In the parking lot, we hugged, acknowledging we would see each other in the month ahead. Cooper kissed me on the cheek in our goodbye. It caught me by surprise. I never really had friends that did that. He got in his car first. As I got into my car, my hand reached up and touched my cheek where he kissed it. I'm not sure why that affected me the way it did, but it did. I was going to miss him.

—

I hadn't come in several days. I didn't feel like "watching" anything. I just let my thoughts roam. I often thought of hot moments between Freddy and me, still all these years later. It's odd that I didn't think of Micah. I occasionally thought of Roman and I trying to reconcile with makeup sex, but after I came, I knew it was just fantasy.

After several minutes of stroking my hard-on, Cooper entered my fantasy. He was so gorgeous. I wondered what he looked like out of his clothes. What was his dick like? Did he have chest hair? Those questions and picturing his face made me shoot cum across my chest. I surprised myself that it brought me off fairly quickly.

After I wiped all the liquid off me, I felt guilty for thinking of Cooper that way. It was mindless masturbation, but ... he was becoming a good friend. Thinking of him in that way would only mess it up. I couldn't afford to mess it up. He was my one true gay friend. I didn't want to ruin it; I tended to ruin everything.

I tossed the tissue into a waste can at the side of the bed. I was disappointed in myself. Par for the course.

Three Weeks Later

Laramie Jenkins
Cooper Snow

Laramie

I was in a funk. I was coming up on Phillip's birthday. After all these years, it still brought me down.

I knew Cooper would be an uplift to my spirits, but I didn't want to be a downer.

I had hardly seen him this last month. I enjoyed getting an occasional text from his trip with his son. It sounded like they had a great time. I never had the parental gene, but I did have brief moments of envy of him sharing his life with a young, impressionable man. I knew Cooper was a good father. Stories of their trip even solidified my opinion even more so.

Our time at Joe was brief Sunday. I met his friend, Emory. Nice chap. Older. I gathered from conversation that he had just retired, so I assumed him to be 65. Between meeting him and hearing about the father/son trip, I didn't get to say a whole lot.

Maybe I could talk Cooper into dinner tonight or tomorrow.

I texted him on my lunch break. "Can you do dinner this weekend? I think this one is without Corey, right? Or is Mitch with you all weekend?"

Cooper called me back instead of texting.

"You're right that I don't have him this weekend, but I made a commitment to an old friend. It's his birthday, and his husband and he have invited me up to celebrate in Von. I'm heading up there this evening."

"Oh. All right."

Damn. I knew Phillip's birthday would bum me out. Maybe I could just talk with Grayson on the phone to work out any feelings.

"You okay?" Cooper asked after my pause.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Was just hoping to visit. No problem."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," I said, apparently unconvincingly.

It was silent a moment.

"This ... may sound weird, but ... want to come with me?" Cooper asked.

"Really?? I don't know these people."

"They're great. I'd love for you to meet them."

"Are you sure? I think I'd feel like an odd duck not knowing anyone. Why isn't Mitch going with you?"

"Tied up. Can't get out of it."

I knew Miles could cover the store on Saturday. I had been wanting to spend some time with Cooper. Damn it. Surely, I could take a break from the shop every now and then. I deserved that. I knew I would be weird Saturday anyway.

"Hm. I'd like some company this weekend, I guess." I impressed myself with my spontaneity.

"Plus, I hope to be back to the coffee shop Sunday morning at my usual time, so you will still have Sunday free to do what you need."

"Okay, I guess. Sure."

"I think you will like these friends."

—

Cooper

"So tell me about this couple," Laramie asked me five minutes into the drive.

"They're great. Just so you know, we all met in AA. This isn't going to be a booze weekend."

He laughed. "I think I can survive."

"Lance is ... well, blunt. He doesn't hold anything back. That's part of his character, but at the same time he will make you blush. You're kind of that way, too." Laramie looked at me and raised a questioning eyebrow. I smiled in response. "Jakob is much more reserved. I'm not sure I should say this — but I'm trusting you — Jakob had a very harsh life. His family kicked him out when he told them he was gay."

"Man. How old?"

"17. He struggled in his 20s. He became an alcoholic; lost his job. For a brief period he was homeless."

"Jesus."

"Ironically, Lance's parents are lawyers. He comes from money. It's funny how different they are but found each other. They are SO happy. And so perfect for each other."

"How so?"

"They not only accept their differences, but they also celebrate them. Truly kind hearts. I just know you will love them."

"I hope."

I remembered the feelings I had when I had dinner with Emory's friends. It's hard to not know the hosts; you feel different. I would try to make sure Laramie fit in. Thankfully, the guys couldn't be more loving to people; they were sweethearts.

"So, Laramie," I started. "Tell me something about you I don't know. What is a secret you will share."

"Oooo. I don't know. Are we getting into embarrassing territory here?"

"Ha. That's not necessarily what I'm going for."

"Well, this will sound totally stupid and weird..."

"I love stupid and weird," I reassured as I entered the onramp to the freeway.

"...but I moved to Jackson Bend because of the courthouse."

"The courthouse??"

"Yep. Back home I found a magazine — I can't remember what it was — and it showed the inside of the courthouse. I thought it was stunning."

"It is. Quite beautiful. I want to say I've seen it in articles that talk about architectural sites in the state. For a college town, we really do have some other nice attributes."

"Right. Anyway, I saw the library in it, and I was taken by it. The architecture, how the shelves appeared, the wood — as a craftsman I was really impressed by it all."

"Wow. So you moved here not for the courthouse, but because you were aware of Jackson Bend because of the courthouse."

"Right."

"What made you decide to move away from home?"

Laramie

I was silent for a moment. I didn't answer. I liked having Cooper as a friend. I didn't want to ruin it by being a Debbie Downer. I didn't feel this was the time to tell him about Phillip taking his life or Mom and Dad not giving a shit about me. I hated Eureka; I didn't want to trash the town I grew up in.

"Tell me a secret about Cooper," I opted to say.

"Oh. For many people, they would probably be ashamed to say it, but I'm not. I was a virgin when I got married."

"Really?"

He nodded. Wow. I was surprised such people still existed. I supposed there were hardcore religious people who held their faith tightly. I could easily see Cooper as one of them. He seemed so clean cut. But in a way, it make him even more attractive than his looks alone.

"There's no shame in that," I said.

"Shouldn't be, but if you ask any virgin on a college campus, I bet you they would be mortified for that information to get out."

The rest of the drive consisted of talk surrounding our occupations. He enjoyed hearing about the projects that I took a personal interest in. I was intrigued about him handling other people's money. He felt his job wasn't interesting, but I was a bit fascinated with the staggering amounts of money he would be dealing with on some accounts.

It was about 7 when we pulled up to his friends' house. He double checked the address to make sure we had it right. I was nervous. I didn't always make a good first impression, but I had to say Cooper certainly put me at ease during the drive. I liked spending time with him. I think just "getting away" for the weekend would do me good. It certainly would take my mind off Phillip.

Before we could ring the bell, the front door opened. Both of them were standing there with gigantic smiles on their faces.

"Hey!" they said in unison, smiling.

Cooper had a small suitcase. I stepped up behind him with an overnight bag. I could tell this Lance and Jakob were surprised. They said nothing, but there expressions screamed, "Who is this?"

"Guys, this is my friend, Laramie."

"You can call me Larry," I said, extending my hand.

"Uh. Hi, I'm Lance," he said, shaking my hand.

"I'm Jakob. With a K."

"Nice to meet you both."

They invited us in, but Cooper returned to the car for one more thing. I followed him in. He had a wrapped gift. Lance looked incredibly surprised.

"I thought it was understood `no gifts.' You didn't have to do that."

"Oh hush. It's not much. Happy birthday," Cooper said.

Lance kissed Cooper on the cheek, and he returned the same. Then he did the same to Jakob. I had never done that with friends, even women. Cooper had kissed my cheek before he left on his trip. I had to admit I liked it. It wasn't like I was embarrassed that someone might see. I truly didn't care. It was nice to see men offer each other affection. Perhaps I could learn to become comfortable in doing so.

We could smell dinner cooking. It spread a fantastic aroma through the house.

"Dinner smells good," I said.

Jakob indicated that the guest room was down the hall. I volunteered to take Cooper's bag.

I knew it would be inappropriate for the two of us to share a bed. I felt quite confident that Mitchell would not approve. I was sure these gentlemen would have some bedding for the couch.

Lance and Jakob were watching Sascha, someone else's dog. Ethan turned out to be an old boyfriend of Mike's, but they still remained good friends. Mike and Trent were friends of Lance and Jakob. It took me a moment to keep track of all these people. They explained they would usually dogsit when Ethan had to leave town. Mike and Trent were headed to his parents, and Jakob jumped at the chance. Sascha seemed very friendly and well trained. Cooper and I could tell Jakob loved having him stay.

Dinner was magnificent. Our hosts had outdone themselves. Lance had grilled steaks, and Jakob had prepared incredible side dishes. Conversation was lively and fun. Jakob and Lance seemed to take a liking to me. Cooper was right, they were really sweethearts. I felt we were fast friends. It was a shame they lived an hour away. Even though they were younger than me, I would enjoy spending time with them. We laughed a lot. At one point, Lance apologized for not having alcohol in the house, but I waved that off like it was nothing. Cooper had let me know.

"How about we sit on the back porch as the sun sets. We'll have dessert after that," Jakob said.

The back porch was decorated masterfully. It was full of charm and character. I enjoyed learning about Jakob's line of work. He ran a store like me, even if he didn't own it. I liked his sense of style. The walls on the back porch were decorated with ceramic pieces showing a bit of Aztec flair. Several pots had a Mexican motif and were beautifully graced with flowers. A canopy had been built to cover the porch. The yard was nicely landscaped. Two large maple trees were growing in the corners of the yard. Not only did the canopy have lights strung from above, but a strand also swagged along the back fence. As the sunlight was fading, Lance turned the bulbs on, and they gave a soft white glow. It was homey. Sascha was content to rest at our feet.

"Thank goodness the temperatures are starting to go down. I'm ready for fall," Lance said.

"Larry, tell me more about the things you build," Jakob inquired.

I explained to the hosts about the type of work I do. Jakob listened intently, as if there was passion in my voice. Maybe there was. I did enjoy my work. I couldn't believe how just being around several gay men could be so comforting. Between Emory on Sunday and now these two, I felt my circle of friends was growing. Gay friends. I needed this.

"I can't believe it has taken me so long to get up here," Cooper said, staring into the sunset.

"It IS about time," Lance chided.

"I know. I know."

"Is it okay to ask about Mitch?" Jakob asked.

I, too, was interested in hearing about Cooper's love life. Coop was such a nice man; he deserved to have someone love him.

Cooper

"Oh sure. We're ... okay. We are seeing each other more and more, but I'm not ready for us to move in. Part of me still worries that I'll be hurt again. That's terrible of me to drag my feet, but ..."

"I can understand your caution," Jakob said. "When it feels right, you'll know it. I'm just glad you are working it out."

Which we were. I wouldn't dream of letting them know I was in bed with Emory last night. That was its own isolated thing. Isolated, weird, unexplainable thing. I knew I would be hiding it from Mitchell too, which made me feel like dirt. And a hypocrite. I needed to start making goals to move forward. Mitch at least deserved that. If any of these guys had heard me say why I did it, they would think the worst of me.

Two minutes later, Jakob came out to the porch with dessert. It was key lime pie. Lance's slice had a candle in it. We sang. It wasn't often Lance looked sheepish and embarrassed.

"That reminds me," I said going to get my gift.

I returned from the living room with the wrapped present. Lance ripped open the paper and saw a milkshake and sundae set. He laughed. "Perfect."

Laramie looked a little perplexed. I had to explain that he didn't like coffee and that after the AA meetings, when everyone wanted to go out for coffee, he pushed for milkshakes. Laramie smiled and nodded. Lance came over to me. After a quick hug, he gave me a simple kiss on the lips. I wasn't expecting that, but it didn't bother me.

We stayed up to 11 and then decided to turn in. Jakob had placed bedding on the couch for me. I went in to get my suitcase.

"What are you doing?" Laramie asked.

"I'm sleeping on the couch."

"Why??"

"Because you are my guest, and I'm giving you the guest room."

"That's crazy. I'm the one who is the extra person here. I'm not making you sleep on the couch."

"I don't mind."

"I do! Cooper, seriously. Let me. I insist."

I relented. We both sat on the bed for a moment.

"I like your friends. Thanks for inviting me. I've enjoyed the evening a lot. It's a shame they live far away."

"Well, only an hour, but I understand what you mean. It would be fun to get together with them more frequently."

Laramie stood. He gave me a hug. It conveyed more to me than a simple good night. It was one of friendship, one that mattered. I was glad I invited him. I really didn't know what or if something was troubling him, but he seemed to be in a good place now.

"I'll let you have the bathroom first. Good night."

And with that, we turned in.

Laramie Jenkins (33)
Jakob Morgan (28)

Laramie

My eyes looked out the front window. I was comfy enough on the couch. I had stripped down to my boxers. I hadn't packed an overnight shirt.

I thought about Cooper's friends. They weren't the exact same age, but I didn't think they were too far apart. Lance was almost the same age as when Freddy and I were in love. What would my life be like if Freddy and I had managed to find a way to make "us" work? Here these guys were in their 20s — and married! I envied them. They were a great couple too. Lance was quite handsome. Not as gorgeous as Cooper, but why compare? Jakob had an adorable cuteness that almost made me find him the better pick of the two.

There were three good-looking guys in this house with me. Alas, I wasn't lying next to any of them. Thoughts of them made me momentarily fondle my dick, but I didn't dare do anything while lying on others' sheets.

—

I thought I heard a bump in the kitchen. I tilted my head up and saw a light shining from that direction. I figured I had at least had seven hours of sleep.

I sat up, yawned and stretched until I felt I could stand. I wriggled into my jeans and the shirt I had worn last night.

Slowly, I staggered into the kitchen. "Good morning, Jakob," I mumbled when I saw who was there.

"Good morning, Larry. I hope you slept okay."

"I did. Just fine. Thank you again for allowing me to come."

Jakob stopped what he was doing and walked over to give me a simple hug. "Absolutely. It's very nice to have you here."

He turned back to the counter.

"I just put on a pot of coffee. Are you a coffee drinker?" he asked.

"Indeed I am."

"Lance isn't," he said. "It's kind of nice to make a full pot for once."

"I think I could probably do a pot myself," I chuckled. "I try to keep it to just half a pot if I am home."

"At home?"

"Well, Cooper and I have started meeting for coffee occasionally on Sundays. When out I tend to treat myself to a cappuccino."

"Nice."

Jakob piddled with an assortment of sweeteners, milk and flavored creamers in the center of the table. After the last item was placed, I noticed he took a moment to arrange them in the most attractive positions they could be in. He fanned some small napkins next to the items.

I liked him. I could see why Cooper felt a bond with these men. I pictured the three of them being in AA together. That was a connection that furthered their friendship just beyond being gay.

Jakob

Although we had expected Cooper to bring Mitchell, I was glad that he brought this Laramie gentleman. He seemed quite nice. Even with his hair being a bit of a smushed mess, he was still rather a hunk in my opinion. His short hair probably handled bedhead better than my mop did.

I slid a mug in front of him, and he nodded and said "thanks." I pondered what he and Cooper would like to do for their day in Von.

Sascha entered the kitchen to see what the noise was. I scratched him behind the ears. One of these days we needed to get a dog. Lance and I had been here long enough, we definitely had settled in.

"Later today, would you be interested in seeing my store?" I asked Larry.

"Very much so," he returned.

I figured we could stop by Lance's gym too.

"It's nice that you run your own store, particularly at such a young age," he said.

Young age. Ugh. Larry probably had no idea about my past. I wasn't sure what Cooper might have said.

"Ha. I don't feel like I'm at a young age, Larry. I've had to go through ... well, a lot."

"Cooper said he was proud of all you had accomplished."

"I never went to college. My parents kicked me out as a teen. I couldn't be gay and live in the same house."

"I'm so sorry. That's ... that's ridiculous. What did they expect from you?"

"They thought it was a choice."

"What bullshit. Oops. Sorry."

I'm not sure why I brought up my family to Larry. I hated giving off the wrong impression, but then again, it was all true.

"We have a very strained relationship right now, but it has improved. Lance helped me in that regard. Until he entered my life, I hadn't talked to them in nine years."

"Wow. My talks to my folks last about 60 seconds every few months," Larry said. "I haven't been home in almost seven years."

I was thrown. I didn't know what to say to that. It was a jumping board to pry, but I didn't want to push.

"At least you talk. I guess," I said.

I tried to think of something to change the subject.

"You seem to prefer to be called Larry, but Cooper calls you Laramie..." I started.

"Yeah. He's slowly making me hate it less."

I chuckled. "You don't like Laramie?"

"Not really. It isn't common."

"I used to think that about my name. I didn't like it spelled with a K. Now I do. Except people still misspell it, which is why I hated it in the first place."

"Cooper makes my name sound better."

"He's kind of awesome," I said. I had missed seeing him each week. Our AA meetings in Von were fine, but Lance and I didn't have the close friendships we did like Ophelia and Cooper in Jackson Bend.

We each took a sip of coffee. I decided to add a splash of hazelnut creamer. My spoon clinked around the mug as I stirred.

Cooper joined us in the kitchen.

"Morning, Cooper. Coffee? Did you sleep okay?"

"Yes. And yes." He pulled out a chair. He smiled at Larry.

A few seconds later, I pushed a mug in front of him. Despite the offerings in the center of the table, he kept it black. He glanced at the sun rising out the living room window. It looked to be a beautiful day. He tried to conceal a smile as he looked at my hair. It was a bit longer than when I lived in Jackson Bend. His looked freshly brushed. After the New Year's celebrations we had done with Mike and Trent, I had found it rather comforting to see friends in true natural form.

We talked about Cooper's house under construction for a few minutes. I shared that Lance and I were starting to talk about building a bigger house. Cooper said he hoped to use some of Laramie's skills in the final layout. I was intrigued with Larry's work, and we exchanged cell numbers.

Laramie

A minute later, Lance came out in pajama bottoms but shirtless. Damn! He had no chest hair, but his body was built; chest hair would have really done it for me. I was probably too obvious in my inspection of Jakob's husband, but Lance was something to look at. I was in good shape, but you could tell Lance worked out daily. Even wearing pajamas, his bulge was kind of noticeable. He must have been packing.

"You're lucky he didn't just stroll out with nothing on," Jakob smiled.

"You don't have to change anything on my account," I joked. Indeed. I could have looked at Lance naked all day. Or Cooper. Or Jakob.

"Hey! I'm freshly showered and smell wonderful," Lance admonished.

"And you look beautiful, angel," Jakob said wrapping his arms around him. They kissed in front of us. "Good morning," Jakob said, smiling at his lover.

Lance looked over at the table to confirm we all had coffee. He poured himself a glass of juice. Our hosts made us fresh waffles with a few options of different syrups and walnuts and pecans as choices to finish it off. It was perfect. I loved these guys.

Once we had all showered, our hosts took us around to show us what there was to see in Von. It wasn't quite as large as Jackson Bend, but it had all the ingredients of a good-sized town. They thought I would be interested in some of the more signature architectural pieces. Jakob's store was sharp — stylish and impeccable. Like me, he often worked Saturdays, but had taken off because of our visit. There wasn't quite as big of a "gayborhood" as Jackson Bend, but still a couple of bars, shops and a burger place. We had lunch at Chubbies. I asked them if it would be all right if I ordered a beer. I didn't want to offend them.

Von had a park in an area called The Falls. It wasn't a huge waterfall as the name might imply. The river crashed over a set of rocks. Instead of a vertical drop, it was more of a cascading stretch that made a lot of crashing splashes over the elevation change. It was nice that the city turned it into parkland. The afternoon was warm but not oppressively hot. We went for a walk. All of us were in shorts, and we decided to pull off shirts and leave them in the car. As we walked the park, we got several glances. Gay or not, I liked it when women looked at me, in this case ... us. I saw a couple of guys looking us over. Sweet. One teen called us "fags." I wondered how he could tell. It wasn't like our clothes had rainbow flags on them. Not that we cared. We were fags. We weren't shirtless long enough to get burned, but for that period of time, we looked like a hunky group of guys, or at least as hunky as we could be without tans. Between Lance and Cooper, I figured not many people were looking at me.

Cooper and I wanted to treat them to dinner, but they insisted on cooking again. The kitchen smelled of lemon and garlic in some sort of Tuscan chicken dish that Lance was working on in an Instantpot. Jakob had a nice rice dish started along with steamed vegetables. An Italian salad started it off. They were good hosts.

It was a later dinner than the previous night. Before it got dark, we all played a little bit with Sascha in the backyard.

We had simple sorbet in the living room to wind down the evening. I was in a great mood.

Cooper Snow
Laramie Jenkins

Cooper

"It has been so good to be here," I told my friends. "Forgive me for taking so long. I promise I won't wait as long for the next visit."

"We'd love to have you back. And please bring Mitch next time. We'd love to see him," Lance said. His eyes drifted to Laramie, and I could read his facial expression that he wondered if that somehow came off as disapproving of Laramie's inclusion to the weekend. "Larry, I hope you feel welcome to come visit as well. It has been nice meeting you." Lance's awkward smile hopefully rescued all the feelings involved.

"I've had a great time. Thank you for your hospitality," Laramie said.

"And if you have someone special in your life, they are more than welcome too," Jakob added.

"Alas, I'm more of a `friend type' than a `boyfriend type.' I guess," Laramie said.

I carried everyone's dishes to the kitchen and loaded them into the dishwasher. Jakob winked at me when I returned.

"You see Trent more than us nowadays. I assume he is still planning on Friendsgiving this year. Isn't he?" Jakob asked.

"As far as I know."

"He loves hosting that," Lance added.

Laramie looked confused again.

"Trent is a friend of all of ours. He and I went to college together," Lance said. "A few years ago, someone the three of us here met in AA committed suicide. Trent didn't know him that well, but it really hit him. He began a tradition the weekend before Thanksgiving that invited all sorts of people over to celebrate and give thanks for friendship. They are great events. We always take a moment to remember Tyler too, the friend we lost."

"Oh," Laramie said, then he became quiet.

Conversation about the fall continued. Jakob talked about events happening in Von and how they affected his shop. The two of them talked about family. I noticed Laramie said nothing. His gaze was in the middle space of the room, not looking at anything.

"Excuse me," he said, standing and slowly walking down the hall to the guest room.

The three of us looked at each other perplexed. His expression conveyed it was more than just a go-to-the-bathroom maneuver. We continued to talk, but I kept an ear focused on anything that I might pick up down the hall. After a few minutes, I mouthed the words "I'm going to check."

Laramie wasn't in the bathroom. I walked into the guest room, which I had fully made up this morning. He was standing looking out the window.

Laramie

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What's the matter with me? These guys are so nice. Why am I letting Phillip's death hit me like this? I should be used to it after all these years.

But I knew it just wasn't Phillip. It was my parents. It was Kansas. It was everything. Fuck.

"Laramie? Hey, are you okay?" Cooper asked, coming into the room.

I didn't answer. Cooper walked to my side and could see my eyes had welled with so much water. Fuck. They were as full as the eyelids could possibly contain without overflowing into tears. I didn't want him to see me this way. Damn it.

"Hey. What is it?" he asked, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"I hate to say."

He pulled me to the bed. We sat side by side. "Tell me. I'm here. It will be okay."

No it wouldn't. I was going to ruin this friendship. I was going to be this crybaby idiot who let his past get to him.

"Not really. The conversation reminded me of my brother. He..." Tears flowed. "...he committed suicide several years ago. The talk of your friend Tyler made me think of it. I'm sorry that I ... kind of bummed out the mood here."

"No. No. Don't be silly." He reached to grip my hand. "I had no idea. I'm so sorry. That must be painful to pull up those memories."

"It's bad. It's all bad. His birthday would have been yesterday."

I put my head on his shoulder and sighed, and he put an arm around me. That felt really good. No one had ever done that for me. Not that I had ever cried in front of anyone since college.

"Can I do anything?" Cooper asked.

"No. I'll ... I'll just stay in here a bit. I'll try to collect myself. Go on back out there."

"You sure?"

I nodded.

Cooper walked back to our hosts. After explaining the situation, I had apparently killed the night. They all decided to turn in. Fuck. What was the matter with me? How did I fall apart like that? And then my thoughts drifted to Phillip. Whenever I thought about him, my emotions were always in a spiral. I was still angry at him for leaving us with no explanation. I felt a hole where he should have been. Even if we weren't super close, ... damn it, he was my brother. I still missed talking to him from time to time. Before I knew it, I was crying even more.

By the time Cooper got back to me, I was weeping uncontrollably. He held me again. And I loved feeling him hold me. It was so comforting.

"I'm so sorry. You two must have been really close."

"Not really." I coughed on a mouthful of mucous in my throat. "You only know half the story."

Concerned, he looked me in the eyes.

"I'm sorry I ruined the evening," I whimpered. "I didn't mean to."

"It's fine. It's okay."

"Phillip and I were typical brothers. Three years older than me. We had some good times, but he had his own set of friends. I told you about the time he caught me in the barn. After that, we didn't talk a lot. He took some community college courses, but eventually moved away from home. I knew he thought I was weird for liking guys. He eventually told me that I needed to tell my parents. I did. I was 24. We never really talked about it after that. It was a subject that was not to be approached. I felt that clearly. I was 26 when Phillip took his life."

I blew my nose into a tissue.

"A few months after that, the family was all sitting in the living room. Mom looked at a photo of Phillip and started crying. I hated watching them like that. She said, `It's not fair.' My father nodded. He said, `The wrong one was taken.' It felt like a rifle had shot me in the chest."

Dad's words hit me again, almost as hard as when he had said them. I started crying harder. Why couldn't I stop?

"Hey, no. I'm sure they didn't mean you. Surely, they meant just a person in general. They didn't mean you."

My eyes squeezed as tight as I could make them. My face winced in pain. "Yes, they did. I know it." I tried to catch my breath, and the inhaled air stuttered in my throat. "That's exactly what they meant."

He wrapped his arms around me. I had never been held that way. I didn't want him to let go, but at the same time, I hated him seeing me this way. I hated ruining things, and I had completely killed the evening. But everything about my family had strangely consumed me.

"They don't even miss me," I said, my voice quivering.

He tried to hold me tighter. My body felt overwhelmingly heavy, and it collapsed on the bed. I lay there sobbing, clutching a tissue to wipe my eyes every now and then. Cooper was seeing me at my worst. He must have felt I was a complete loser. He moved his body up behind me to wrap his arm around me again. I was confident he regretted asking me to come along. Once again, I had fucking ruined everything.

We lay there for a long time. It was silent; neither of us said anything.

—

Where was I? My body whirled in the bed. I was fully dressed. I felt confused. I finally figured out where I was. I recalled killing the evening. But where was Cooper? He should be sleeping here. Fuck! I had forced the man to sleep elsewhere. Damn me. Was it my fucking destiny to ruin everything?! These guys were so nice and now none of them probably wanted to see me again. I buried my face in my hands and softly groaned.

"Laramie Jenkins — you're a fucking idiot," I whispered.

Cooper

I felt a touch on my arm. It startled me. Laramie was sitting on the edge of the couch. I jumped a bit analyzing what the situation was and where I was.

"Oh. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he softly said. "I'm so sorry. I should be out here. Please go take the bed. I didn't intend for you to be out here."

"I'm fine. Really. No. I've settled in here. You take the bed. I'm good."

He continued to sit at the edge. He was still fully dressed. I assumed he had just awoken.

"Is it okay for you to hold me another minute?"

"Hm? Uh. Yeah. Sure."

I lifted the sheet with my arm. Laramie scooted his body up against mine. I put my arm back around him. A few seconds later he grabbed my hand and pressed it to his chest. Neither of us said anything. We listened to each other breathe. I made out a clock on the television. It was only 12:14.

Laramie stood. He leaned over me and kissed me on the cheek. "Thank you," he whispered and walked back to the guest room.

—

Lance and Jakob had gotten up early. I joined them in the kitchen. As we had to leave fairly quickly today, I made sure they didn't put any effort into breakfast. We tried not to talk too much about Laramie. Sascha provided a nice distraction to scratch behind his ears. He loved attention.

"Morning, Larry," they both said together.

I turned around to see Laramie walking in with a morning stumble. He scratched his head. Once again, his hair was a mess. Although, I'm sure mine was too. I reached for his wrist.

"You okay?" I softly asked.

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm really sorry for ruining everything last night."

Jakob stood, walked up to him and gently put his arms around him. "Nonsense."

"You can see what I mean about being better friend material than boyfriend material. Although I was pretty sucky at that too."

Jakob reached for both of Laramie's hands. "If you only knew, Larry. What I came from was a mess. Trust me. If there is one thing AA teaches us is that everybody has stuff to deal with. You're in good company here."

Laramie gave a simple smile. By that time, Lance had poured him a cup of coffee and handed it to him.

Thirty minutes later we were packed and headed to the car. Neither of us had showered. Laramie offered a full hug to our hosts on our departure.

"It was nice meeting you," he offered to both of them.

"Likewise," they responded in kind.

My hug to my friends was a bear hug. I didn't realize how much I had missed them. I kissed both of them on the lips.

They both told me they loved me, and we started our walk to the car.

On the drive back, Laramie didn't say a lot. He finally broke the silence.

"It was nice of you to invite me. I'm sorry I kind of embarrassed you."

"Stop. You did no such thing. They liked you."

"I hope so. They were wonderful. I hope I didn't ruin it. It would be fun to see them again."

"Yes. Maybe you can come to Friendsgiving."

"Your friend Trent doesn't know me."

"No. But friends are welcome to bring friends. Lance and Jakob took me to the first one. That's what it is all about."

We drove some more in silence.

"It's funny, I felt just like you did a month or so back at a dinner party Emory took me too," I said.

"How so? I'm sure you didn't dissolve into a stream of tears. Dear lord."

"Well, no. But I felt awkward. I know for a fact that Lance and Jakob liked you. I'm glad you're in my circle of friends."

"Will I ever meet this Mitchell fellow?"

"Hmm. I don't know. Maybe. Not sure when actually, but something might come up. I haven't introduced Emory to him either. Maybe when the new house is finished. A dinner party."

We pulled into Jackson Bend around 8:35.

"I think I'll skip Joe today," he said. "Just drop me off. I'm grungy. I think I'll go in and get some work done."

"Are you sure?"

"Oh, I'm sure. I feel you have had enough Larry Jenkins for the weekend," he groaned.

I chuckled. "Not only are you both friend material and boyfriend material, but you're just good person material too, Laramie."

"I'm not sure about that. But I appreciate you saying that."

I pulled into his driveway. I took notice of the outside. There were some arbors and trellises I was sure he had built. His work looked nice. I got out to give him a hug goodbye.

"I'm not sure why Mitch did to you what he did. I hope you all can fix it. If I had you as a boyfriend, I wouldn't fuck it up. You're everything I hope to find one day, Cooper." He kissed me on the cheek and then turned to go inside.

Laramie

Cooper drove away.

I wasn't sure being separated from him made me more or less embarrassed. I knew work would help me get my mind off of my pitiful performance last night. Maybe I would call Gray later. Perhaps if the two of us talked about Phillip, I'd feel a little better.

I'd shower following work.

—

Stretching my muscles at work was good. Three hours unpacking shipments and stacking materials was a good distraction. Exercise is therapeutic.

The hot water pouring over me later felt heavenly. My fingers massaged shampoo into my scalp. I took note of the strawberries and cream fragrance. I never paid a lot of attention to shampoo before, but I tried to make a mental note to buy this fragrance again.

As much as I tried to put falling apart in front of friends behind me, it came back to haunt me again. Then I remembered kissing Cooper on the cheek on the couch last night, then I did again when I said goodbye today.

It seemed very natural. I had watched his friends do it. It was odd how that became a reflex instinct for me. I had felt so comforted by Cooper.

I thought about his boyfriend for a moment. Why would Mitch cheat on someone as nice and good looking as Cooper is? It seemed mindboggling. Cooper was exactly the type of man I wanted to find.

I looked down at my dick. It was rigid.

* * * *

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