Hey everyone!
Thanks to everyone who has written. I appreciate all the notes of support and encouragement.
If you've read Jamie's Romance, then you know basically how this story ends up and some of the major details. I know that will kill a little suspense in the story, but c'est la vie! If you haven't read Jamie's Romance, then no harm, no foul. Hopefully at some point you'll go check it out!
We are right in the middle of nominations for the next story awards. I urge everyone to go and nominate all your favorite stories! This is where you get to speak out and reward your favorite authors.
As usual: This story is purely fiction and is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of 'N Sync or anyone associated with their organization or the reality of their lives. It is meant for those over the age of 18 only and those who wish to read stories with sexual content.
Lance's Story
When I Fall In Love
"When I fall in love
It will be forever
Or I'll never fall in love
In a restless world like this is
Love is ended before it's begun
And too many moonlight kisses
Seem to melt in the warmth of the sun
When I give my heart
It will be completely
Or I'll never give my heart
And the moment
I can feel that you feel that way too
I will give my heart to you"
- Edward Heyman/Victor Young: c. 1952
The VMA's came and went and 'NSync went on an uneasy vacation. From New York they scattered across the country to visit their families, promising to meet up in Orlando at some point. They spent every minute together when touring, rehearsing, recording and on promotions but they couldn't even imagine more than a week apart.
They were truly more than five friends who enjoyed each other's company, they were a family. However this time, there was an unease within the group, although nobody but Lance and JC knew the exact reason it was there. They just felt that something wasn't right.
Sitting in his old room in Mississippi, Lance was depressed. He had been for the last two weeks since the blow up with JC. Just before the award show Justin noticed Lance's more than usual quietness. He begged off saying it was post tour depression. They all suffered it, usually JC and Justin the most. He was glad that Justin accepted that with a compassionate smile and a firm hug.
True to his word, JC kept Lance at an arm's length but didn't treat him any differently around the guys. Nobody really noticed that they didn't hug anymore or spend any time close together or hang out as much as they used to.
Along with everything else, they now had publicly broken ties with Lou Perlman and Transcon. The media was buzzing with the news. JC had become the 'lead' man in their suit and their spokesman. This vacation couldn't have come at a better time.
Lance sighed heavily. He had already packed for his afternoon flight. His parents had given him plenty of space having experienced this depression in him before. They understood how hard it was to leave a day to day life you had gotten used to and switch gears completely. With the added turmoil of the lawsuit, they made sure Lance was as comfortable and happy as possible. 'Too bad they don't realize the real reason,' Lance thought sadly.
Lance loved his parents and sister dearly and was happy that they had agreed to be the workforce for his newly formed company. As much as Lance hated to admit it, Jordan did have some positive influence in their lives. He had impressed on all of them early in the summer tour with the need to get involved in things outside their careers. He reasoned that, like professional sports figures, they needed to have something there for them when it was all over. So Lance formed his own management company and had just signed his first artist, one of his childhood friends, Meredith Edwards.
Jordan's advice really had started the ball rolling in their need to break free from Transcon and Lou Perlman. Johnny Wright, their manager, supported them fully and formed his own company so that he could remain with them. They were still talking with the lawyers and working out the deals. It also meant moving away from RCA. Jive, now becoming famous for the most popular Pop groups around, had already approached them about joining that label, thanks to Britney and also to Brian, as Lance just recently found out.
He had been so sad that he called Brian out of the blue right after the VMA's. It was an awkward conversation at best. Brian was still friendly to him but was slightly distant throughout their conversation. It only made him feel worse.
All this fed into his stress level and depression. One of the few high points was his purchase of a house in Orlando. He had picked it out during the summer when he came home for a couple of days rest. It was a huge thing on a large piece of land. At first he had dreamed it would be for him and JC to settle down in and raise a family.
Lance snorted to himself at the now broken dream. But he still had the house and he looked forward to being there to move in and decorate as he pleased.
The days passed in Orlando. NSync hung out at Lance's place more than any other, helping him paint and move furniture around. JC was there as well but mostly stuck to Justin's side. Whenever Lance caught him looking, JC would turn away with a sad expression on his face.
At the end of their all too short vacation, between JC's coldness and meetings with lawyers, Lance had finally had enough. They were getting ready to head back into the studio to re-record some things and do some new stuff for another album. Looking ahead at the long hours in the enclosed space bothered Lance. He couldn't stand more of the silent treatment and vowed to have it out with JC one way or another.
The ice broke near the beginning of October. Justin had been concerned with JC's continued silence. Lance was surprised to find out that he had shut out the others too. He and Chris had heard Justin yelling at Josh one morning about 'getting his ass in gear,' as he put it. JC just mumbled agreement.
Chris smiled. Justin was the only one that could get away with that. The others would have been yelled back at. Lance smiled too. Hopefully JC would listen to Justin and this would at least give them a chance to get back to the friendship they once shared.
That afternoon he approached JC during a break and handed him a water. "I thought you'd be thirsty," Lance offered.
"Um... thanks, Lance." JC gave him the barest of smiles in gratitude as he took the bottle.
"Josh, I know what happened hurt you, but we did promise that we'd be friends no matter what and I feel like I've lost you completely."
JC looked down at the floor. "That's almost the same thing Justin told me this morning, that I've gone away. I'm sorry, Lance. I just needed my space, I didn't mean to hurt anyone by it."
"That's ok, I just want my friend back, too. Can we start over?"
JC nodded looking at Lance with sad eyes.
Lance held his hand out. "Hi, my name's James Bass, but everybody calls me Lance, that's my middle name, because my father's name is James too."
JC smiled, a great big friendly smile at the words that Lance had said so many years ago when they first met. He continued the formula as he took Lance's hand. "Hi back, my name's JC, that's short for Joshua Chasez, but I like my friends to call me Josh."
Lance smiled at him as they shook. He moved to pull his hand back but was stopped by JC who pulled him into a hug. They held each other for a long moment.
"We'll need to talk," JC said into Lance's hair.
"I'd like nothing more. Welcome back," Lance whispered into JC's ear. They didn't notice that Joey was standing in the doorway and looking on through the window with a big smile on his face. He nodded and moved on.
The next week bolstered Lance's spirits. JC was again treating him like his friend in public and private, finally getting their friendship back on track. The opportunity for them to talk alone for an extended time was elusive. Between recording schedules, appearances and the inability to spend more than an hour without one of the others hanging around, they both grew restless to spend some private time together.
Eventually, just before they had to leave for New York, they found an evening that everyone else was busy. JC planned on going to Lance's for dinner. Lance was as nervous as he'd ever been. He -had- to make JC see how much he loved him.
Dinner went well as they both ate, the silence broken periodically by a compliment from JC. Lance was wound up tight as a drum and JC noticed.
"Lance, please relax. You look like your head is gonna explode," JC smiled at him to put him at ease and rubbed his shoulder.
"Sorry, just got alot on my mind."
They finished dinner and took a walk around the backyard while Lance explained his plans for the area while JC gave him some of his own suggestions. They finally found themselves standing by the pool looking at each other.
"Josh, I want to apologize again for this summer."
JC shook his head. "Lance, what's done is done. I'm not mad at you."
"Can we continue from where we were?" Lance asked hopefully.
"I don't know, Lance. I have forgiven you but what happened still hurts. I don't know if..."
JC was interrupted by a loud sob from Lance. "Josh, please. You need to understand that I didn't want any of that to happen. Jordan came up with that plan on his own. I didn't ask or want him to do any of it."
Standing still, JC could hear the truth in Lance's words. Tears streaked down Lance's cheeks as he continued. "The night that you found us he was practically raping me and if you hadn't come in he probably would have. Josh, please, I never betrayed your trust. I didn't do anything but fall into Jordan's little private game."
Lance lost his strength and went to his knees then leaned his head against JC's thigh. "It breaks my heart when I remember the look on your face that night. Oh, God! I love you so much. I've loved you for months... years... and when I was finally getting it returned I lost it." Lance broke completely and sobbed into his hands as he slumped into himself. "I love you, Josh."
JC stood stunned. He'd never really comprehended the depth of Lance's feelings for him and it seemed they mirrored his own. Tears of sympathy for Lance's pain left his eyes as he knelt beside his friend.
"Lance?" When he didn't look up, JC raised his head with a finger under his chin. JC's heart melted looking at the insecurity, fear, love and longing in Lance's red-rimmed eyes. "I'm so sorry for shutting you out like that. I didn't realize..." he choked back the rest of the words. "I love you, too," he said softly as he took Lance in his arms and held him tight.
It had been less than a week after their poolside reconciliation. He and Lance had worked out their difficulties and agreed to start their relationship from square one. Lance was content and knew that JC still had some internal issues he needed to resolve about his sexuality. JC promised Lance to talk about it when he needed to and that his feelings for Lance were genuine.
They spent long hours, sitting together and holding hands. They sometimes took naps, cuddling and holding each other. Their kisses remained loving and gentle. For Lance, the idea of having sex with JC was quickly becoming of secondary importance. The times they were spending together were enough for him.
They were in New York, recording and doing some appearances. Justin had just returned from a side trip to Boston and JC was worried. JC and Lance talked about him just before going to bed a few nights after he returned.
"I just don't get it, Lance. He's never ever -not- told me anything but now he feels he can't talk."
"It must be deeply personal for him to not want to share it with you, but I'm sure he will when he's ready."
JC nodded reluctantly. "I hope so, he's starting to worry me."
Lance thought in silence for a minute. "What about us, Josh?"
"Us?"
"Yes, where are we going and what's going to happen?"
"I really don't know Lance, the whole thing still scares me."
"Honestly, it scares me too. You aren't still angry with me, are you?"
JC looked at Lance with a smile. "Of course not. Actually, I'm kinda flattered that you'd do so much to get my attention."
"So what do -you- want?"
"If I thought the guys would accept us then I'd like to be your boyfriend. But I don't want that unless we're totally honest with them."
Lance smiled. "I would like that too. Justin knows I'm gay so he'd be fine with it. I don't know about Chris and Joey, but I can't imagine either of them having a big problem."
JC nodded, uncertainly. "Can we talk about this later? I'm bushed, let's get some sleep." JC sat on the bed across from Lance's and took his shoes off.
"Ok," Lance said as he snuggled into the covers.
JC stood and took off his pants. "Um, Lance. Could I sleep with you tonight?"
Lance pulled the covers up and let JC get in bed with him with a wide smile. They snuggled into each others arms and fell asleep after one chaste good night kiss.
'NSync spent the next week putting in long studio hours. Lance and JC kept an eye on Justin, who continued to be moody and withdrawn. Justin tried to hide it but eventually Joey noticed something wrong and went to Lance to see what was up.
"Something's not right, Lance, and it needs to be fixed. It's gone on long enough."
Lance nodded. "You're right. I'll call a meeting."
"Thanks, Scoop."
Just before a four day break for free time they gathered in the main room of the suite they had been living in for the last two weeks.
Lance started the meeting, going over the schedule for the next few days. He then outlined all their plans for their days off. He caught JC's eye to see if he would say anything but he only looked sadly back at him.
And then the conversation that would change all their lives took place as Justin told them what was bothering him after Joey's urging. All cards were put on the table and no secrets withheld. The story of the rape in Boston touched them all deeply and struck a heavy chord with Lance after his experience with Jordan. Somehow he knew there was more to it, though. The growing suspicion suddenly came into complete focus: his closeness to JC, no dates with any girls for at least the last year, his distance and dislike of Jordan, his intense feelings for this guy, Jamie, that he met in Boston. Lance asked the question that had been on his mind for some time, the question he hadn't even talked to JC about.
"Justin, are you... um... are you gay?"
The tension in the room was so thick that nobody seemed able to move. The question hung in the air waiting to be answered. It was then, that Lance decided he couldn't live the lie with his brothers any more. This was it.
"I'll tell if you will," he said quietly, only Justin and JC knowing his secret.
JC's head snapped over at Lance, panic setting in around his eyes. Lance saw it but it wasn't JC he was concerned about here, yet. Chris came to their rescue and instigated an around the circle confession. Justin wasn't the only one suffering through this. Lance glanced at JC to see the anguish in his eyes.
Joey and Chris held no surprises and after Lance's prompting neither did he. Lance knew that JC was having a very hard time dealing with his orientation. JC cleared his throat uncomfortably. Lance saw Justin looking at JC curiously, suddenly aware there was something JC had never told him. Lance couldn't help looking at his boyfriend, if that's what he was, in anticipation. "Ok, my turn I guess. I'm bi," he swallowed and paused.
'It was something,' Lance thought to himself as he looked to the floor.
JC reached out and took Lance's hand in both of his. "And Lance and I are seeing each other." Lance, filled with joy, beamed at JC.
Chris and Joey had big smiles on their faces. "I wondered when you two were gonna say something and stop sneaking around," Joey said happily. "So when's the wedding?"
Lance blushed a deep red but it was JC who replied. "To be honest, we've held hands, talked a lot, cuddled and we have kissed, but that's it. We're both not ready yet for any more than that."
Of course Joey and Chris had their suspicions. Joey never missed anything that you wanted him to miss. Everyone's attention returned to Justin who looked like he'd rather sink into the floor.
It was big brother Joey who came to the rescue and helped a very confused Justin finally admit his true feelings about himself and this new person that had come into his life. The next hour was a confused mess. One heart-wrenching voice mail from this guy, Jamie, and Justin was off again to Boston. JC finished talking with him on his cell and gave him one last bit of advice.
"Justin, do what your heart tells you is right. You're a good man and your heart's in the right place, it won't lead you wrong. Just be careful."
JC put the phone on the table and sat back with a sigh. Rubbing his eyes he looked over to see Lance staring at him. "Do you think I said the wrong thing?" he asked gently.
Lance shook his head. "Not at all," he said still looking at JC.
"Ok, what then?"
"Oh, I'm just looking at one of the greatest men in the world and one I've come to love very much. Plus I'm wondering why he isn't over here on the couch with me," he said wistfully.
JC smiled and went to sit with Lance. Snuggling up to him he leaned in and softly kissed him. Lance put his hands on JC's shoulders kneading them gently. He sighed happily as they tasted each other's lips. When they finally broke the kiss Lance leaned back against the couch pulling JC on top of him. He reached up and pulled JC's head down to kiss him again.
This time the passion was even more evident. Lance sucked JC's lower lip into his mouth and shyly explored it with his tongue. JC moaned loudly and started licking Lance's lips with his own tongue. The kiss grew more and more passionate, each exploring the other, their tongues freely traveling back and forth between the two of them. They separated and looked at each other in surprise and love.
Fireworks were going off inside Lance. Never before had a kiss affected him so much. "I never thought it would be so wonderful," he panted. That was the truth, not even with Brian, as wonderful as that was at the time, had he felt this way.
JC was catching his breath as well. "I've kissed a few people but it's never felt like this before," he said beaming at Lance.
Tears started forming in Lance's eyes. "Please hold me and never let go."
"I have no problem with that," JC purred. He turned both of them so they were spooned together on the couch, Lance in his arms. "I love you, James."
Lance was a little surprised at the use of his real first name. "And I love you too, Joshua," he replied pressing back against him. "That's the first time you've ever called me that. It makes me feel all warm inside."
"Just doing my job, babe." JC nuzzled Lance's neck and soon they drifted off to sleep, Lance for once, feeling safe and secure. He was more confident now that this was a relationship that could finally work.
tbc...
There's the latest. Comments and suggestions are always welcome!
Jim bangoremail1@yahoo.com AIM: bangoremail http://briefcase.yahoo.com/bangoremail1