Welcome to "Lance's Search," a multi-chapter exploration of a young man discovering himself. As much as I would suspect otherwise, I have no actual proof of the sexual orientations of Lance Bass, Justin Timberlake or JC Chasez. Consequently anything you read in this story is the product of the mind of its author. That said, this story attempts to take a realistic look into the thoughts and feelings of a guy as he discovers the pains and the joys associated with loving his fellow man... or his fellow band mate as the case may be. We are already up to Chapter 8 here and I hope everyone has been enjoying the story so far.
If you have any comments, please e-mail them to bjluver@gay.com. Otherwise, enjoy the story.
BJ
Previously...
"You know what I just realized?" Justin asked Lance.
"No, what?" Lance responded.
"I started this out by saying 'we' need to talk, but seems to me I've been doing all the talking. I think that it's time for James Lance Bass to open up his life."
Chapter 8
Time had flown by quickly since Lance came to Justin's room for computer repair work. Fixing Lance's laptop revealed a side of him that Justin could have only guessed at before. And certainly it opened the door for Justin. Justin walked through that door. Now he wondered whether Lance would follow his lead.
"James, I would never force you to do anything you didn't want to, but believe me, there is something truly liberating about talking," Justin said.
"Just, I'm not sure what to say. It's almost like I'm in a mental fog. It's so confusing."
"I'm thirsty," Justin said as he raised up off of the bed. "Would you like something to drink?"
"Yeah," he responded, but then quickly added, "but nothing alcoholic. That's the last thing I need right now."
"That's cool. Let's see what's in the mini-bar. Hey, here you go, how about a Dr. Pepper?"
"That would be perfect, thanks."
"And a Coke for me," Justin said, reaching into the refrigerator. He walked over to where Lance had been sitting on the floor for the longest time and handed him the Dr. Pepper can. The younger band member then sat down on the floor next to Lance, his back also up against the wall. The two just sat there for a moment, staring, taking a few drinks from their beverages of choice, until Lance broke the silence.
"Thanks, Justin."
"For the drink? No problem."
"No, not for the drink. But, yeah, thanks for that too."
"So why the thanks?"
Lance shrugged his shoulders. "For being you I guess." Then he got a pained look on his face. "God, was that corny or what? You see, this is why I don't write song lyrics."
Justin chuckled.
Lance took a deep breath and let it out. "I guess I mean thanks for being so open with me. That had to take a lot of courage."
"Naw, more like just not thinking, but just doing. Frankly, I'm amazed how much I told you. I've never had this type of conversation with another guy before."
"Well, trust me, neither have I."
"So when did you first think something was different about you?"
Lance paused to think. "I guess it was sometime during my Mississippi Show Stoppers days. I really don't know what it was about that experience. I made friends with a lot of the girls and a lot of the guys. I really wasn't thinking too much in terms of sex at the time. Pretty naïve then, and still, I guess. But I do remember developing rather strong emotional bonds to a couple of the guys in the group. They both sang bass too. We joked about going into show business as The Three Basses."
Justin snickered a bit.
"And you know, we were guys. We'd wrestle around and stuff like that, not thinking much of it at the time. But I can remember at least a couple of times wrestling when I'd end up flat on my back pinned beneath the weight of the other two. The fighting was over, but we were exhausted and we all just stayed like that for a couple of minutes. Just piled together. I didn't really make any moves to get them off of me. It just felt nice for some reason to be that close to these guys. And they never seemed to be in a hurry to get off of me...
"Well, not too much happened sexually between us, although I kinda wonder now and then whether it might have if I hadn't dropped The Three Basses for NSYNC. Heck, I even think about them sometimes while I'm jerking off. I probably shouldn't have said that," Lance said with a blush.
"No, no. Don't worry about it. You ain't gonna embarrass me," Justin said.
"Well, I'm more worried about embarrassing myself, actually," Lance responded with a chuckle.
"Ain't nothing you can say to me that you should ever be embarrassed about or be too scared to reveal. Nothing."
Lance soaked Justin's words in for a moment. "I guess I never thought it possible that I'd ever talk about this stuff with anyone. Just a part of me I'd hide away somewhere forever."
"Like in a closet?"
"Yeah," Lance chuckled. "Guess you could say that."
"Speaking of jerking off, how'd you find out about it?" Justin inquired.
"Man you want all the dirty secrets, don't you?" Lance shook his head in disbelief, but with a big smile. "OK, but I'm gonna want to know the same thing from you."
"That's cool."
"Embarrassing moment No. 125 tonight. I sorta learned it from one of those guys I was telling you about. We were sharing a room somewhere, don't really remember where. Anyway, somehow or another the topic of size came up."
"Shoe size?"
"No, you dumbhead!" Lance responded with a chuckle. "You know...cock size. He thought he was pretty hot with his 6 inches and then I told him how big I was and he didn't believe it."
"We talking a foot long or something here? You been holding out on us, Scoop?"
"No. It's 7 inches. OK? Anyway, we agreed to show off ourselves hard to each other and compare. We put 'em side by side and sure enough I was bigger. Then for some reason, he grabbed my cock and started rubbing the skin back and forth. I could actually see my flesh moving up and down. Hell, I didn't have a clue what he was doing, so I asked him to stop. And he did. Well, a few weeks later when I was home alone, for some reason I started imitating what my friend had done to my cock and kept doing it. When I started getting that tingling sensation, suddenly I understood what he was trying to do to my cock. Man was that ever a huge explosion."
"None ever quite like that first one," Justin said. "So you ever keep in touch with those guys?"
"For a little while I did. But you know how this life of ours can put so much distance between other people and us. And these guys were from different parts of Mississippi, so even when I went home, there never seemed to be enough time to look them up. Don't even know what became of them."
"Did you love those guys?"
"I don't know. Not sure that I'll ever know. But I know it was something other than lust."
"And so who has Lansten lusted for?" Justin asked with an evil grin.
Lance couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, man! I don't know. Lots of guys, I guess. I just didn't want to admit it to myself."
"OK, so who? Name names."
"No fair, I didn't make you name anyone you lusted after."
"True, but I asked you first, so spill."
"Arrrgh! OK. Promise me you won't make fun of me."
"Promise."
"And you have to tell me who you've lusted after. Deal?"
"Deal."
"Oh, man. Guys that I've wanted to jump. Well, I've always thought Garth Brooks was sexy, but I don't think he's the right age for me. Let's see. ... I don't know. OK, the truth." Lance turned his head toward Justin, who responded in turn.
"I'll admit that I have lusted after you. There I said it." Lance turned his head forward once again. "But then, I've also wanted J.C. Our choreographer, Wade. Even a few guys in the crew. Some of the guys who show up at our events catch my eye. I happen to think Nick Carter is hot, even if he's gained a few pounds here and there."
That made Justin giggle.
"But you know, that's all just fantasy. I've never really expected to do 'the nasty' with any of them, or with any guy for that matter. And then you got me hooked on the Internet. Suddenly I was reading all sorts of things about gay sex and relationships ... and a whole hell of a lot of fiction ... fiction about us. And I liked it. Maybe it means I'm going to hell, but I really did like it."
"I don't think it means you're going to hell, Lance. I can't believe that. That's just wrong. You didn't make yourself gay. That's just the way you are."
"Gay. Yeah. ... I am gay. You know, that's the first time I've ever said it. I may have thought it, but I've never actually spoke the words 'I am gay.' ... I'm gay. ... James Lance Bass is gay. Man, wouldn't those people at Tiger Beat and all those other mags love to get that story."
"Naw, the teen magazines wouldn't want to print anything like that. It would cut down on sales. The bastards at those tabloids though would have a field day with it."
"So in the end, only one of my closest friends will ever know about me and I'll die a bitter old man."
Justin laughed, "You trying to be known as a drama queen or something?"
"No," Lance giggled along with Justin's laughter. "But now where do I go? Where do you go? You're supposed to be marrying Brittney any day now, aren't you?"
"Oh yeah, and Bill Clinton is going to stop going after younger women too," Justin laughed. "Lance, you know that Brit and I are just extremely close friends. She knows about me being gay. She's been really supportive of me. You can't believe how much easier it was for me to be able to share with someone I really like and trust."
"Sort of like me with you," Lance said.
"Yeah. But she's good for me to hang around with - not just because it makes for a good cover and PR either. Until you, I really haven't had anyone else to talk to besides Brit."
"I thought you said you had, ahhh, some experience?"
"Yeah, I've done it with a few guys, but they were just strangers really. We didn't really get to know each other. It was just sex."
Lance looked up and saw a clock in the room. "Man, look what time it is. I can't believe it's gotten so late. God, I'm not sure if I can get off this floor, we've been sitting here so long."
"Why don't you spend what's left of the night here in my room, Lance?"
Lance looked up at him with eyes wide open. "Justin, I'm not really ready..."
"I don't mean so we can have sex, goofball. We're both really tired and I know I'm emotionally exhausted. You have to be wiped out."
"Yeah, kinda."
"Well, crash here for the night. No sex. Just friends." Justin stood up and offered a hand to Lance to help him stand up. Lance accepted the aid and moaned a bit getting up.
As they both started heading toward the bed, Lance suddenly remembered. "Uhhh, Justin, I forgot. I was in such a rush to get over here that uhhh, I didn't, uhhh, put on any underwear under these track pants."
"Wow, Lancy going commando on us," Justin laughed. "That's OK, man. You can sack out in the track pants, unless you wanted to sleep in the buff."
"Uhhh, NO. Never slept in the nude before, and I don't think I'm gonna start tonight."
"Either way, man. But let's get some sleep while we can still technically call it nighttime."
The two men got in on opposite sides of the queen-sized bed. Neither one was too close to the other as they both lay there on their backs.
"Thanks, Justin. Thanks for being there for me. Thanks."
"Hey. Same to you. Good night, buddy."
To be continued...