Welcome to "Lance's Search," a multi-chapter exploration of a young man discovering himself. As much as I would suspect otherwise, I have no actual proof of the sexual orientations of Lance Bass, Justin Timberlake or JC Chasez. Consequently anything you read in this story is the product of the mind of its author. That said, this story attempts to take a realistic look into the thoughts and feelings of a guy as he discovers the pains and the joys associated with loving his fellow man... or his fellow band mate as the case may be.
If you have any comments or just want to let me know you're out there waiting impatiently for the next chapter, please e-mail them to bjluver@gay.com. Otherwise, enjoy the story.
BJ
Previously on Lance's Search ...
The orgasm began to subside. The body renewed contact with the bed. Suddenly, the sensation created by two of his left fingers turned from pleasure to discomfort. He extracted those digits from the hole. And then for an unknown amount of time - it could have been minutes or it could have been hours - Lance lay there still, staring up at the ceiling. His mind was still racing, but his breathing was returning to a more relaxed pattern. By now, Lance was numb. It was as if all the nerve endings in his body went to sleep after an intense workout. And yet, the main thing that kept popping up in Lance's mind was JC.
Chapter 25
Before they knew it, the members of NSYNC found their break from life on the road had ended. They had seen each other fairly regularly during the break. They were, after all, friends as well as co-workers. Some saw more of each other than the rest. Lance and Justin continued to be close. But Lance was also spending more and more time with JC. JC seemed to be enjoying the time together. Lance most definitely was, although at the same time he ached a bit over their time together. Lance wanted to touch JC. He wanted to kiss him and run his hands through that mop of hair. Being so close, yet untouchable, made Lance very frustrated.
But he didn't let on that he was frustrated. And he certainly was not going to try to undress in front of JC again. That either backfired terribly or ... actually, regardless of whether JC was embarrassed or aroused, it still backfired on Lance. He made a dash for the bathroom, not for Lance's bed. But if all this bothered Lance most of the time, he didn't allow his friends to know about it.
Except Justin knew. He didn't have to be told. He could tell what was going on. Plus he pried it out of Lance. He couldn't even remember how many times he told Lance to confess to JC. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained," he said. Yet Lance still resisted. He'd survived rejection in his life, but he wasn't sure he could take JC's rejection. "I'll know when it's the right time," he told Justin.
This was also a strange time for Justin. He and Lance would kiss, hug and otherwise touch each other when they were alone. Watching a movie they would cuddle up with each other. They would even sleep together still. Occasionally they would even trade blow jobs. But not as often as in the beginning. Even if Lance didn't really want to admit it, the dynamics between them had changed. Lance really wanted another guy. It wasn't jealousy that Justin felt. It was just an odd sensation.
Back on tour, Lance and Justin somehow managed to sleep together almost every night. One would sneak into the room of the other when no one else was around. It certainly was comforting to have someone in bed with you, especially on the road.
Lance felt the same way. He seemed to always sleep much better when Justin shared his bed. The warmth of flesh touching flesh was reassuring, although the boys had started to wear their boxer briefs to bed more often - just in case of emergency, they told each other.
And so it went on tour. Lance trying to spend most of the available daytime hours with JC and sharing a bed with Justin at night. That is at least the way it was until the middle of June. That's when Justin formulated a plan to push Lance into a decision on JC. He knew it would cause some pain. But he also knew it was the right thing to do.
Another concert concluded. The boys in the band took their final bows and rushed to board the waiting bus, taking them to their home for the night.
"Great job tonight, guys," Chris yelled. "That place was rocking!"
"No joke. I feel great after that audience. Tired, but great," Joey responded.
"Tired? Joey tired? Getting too old, man?" Justin joked.
"Hey, you're gonna get old too, unless we all end up killing you first for those kind of remarks," Joey shot back.
"I'm staying young forever, because I'm quite clever," Justin said. "And I'm feeling like dancin', how about you, Lansten?"
"Naw, I need to catch up on some e-mails and other business tonight," Lance said. Then he whispered to Justin. "Don't worry about waking me up when you get in bed."
"Sure. No prob." But Justin wasn't being totally honest with Lance. He didn't lie. He just didn't bother telling Lance that he'd be spending the night in his own room, sleeping alone. It was his first step in trying to push Lance into making a decision about JC. Tough love.
Lance worked in his room until about 1 a.m. Yawns became more frequent. He checked the clock. "Justin probably won't be back for another hour. I can at least get some sleep in before he arrives." So Lance gets ready for bed. He had asked the hotel for two pass cards for his room and given Justin the spare. That way he could slip in unnoticed and without having to knock. Tonight he thought he'd slip under the covers naked. He thought it might make Justin horny enough to wake him for some action.
The next thing Lance knew, there was sunlight showing through some openings in the curtains. He instinctively turned toward the other side of the bed so he could drape his arm over Justin's body. The arm hit cold sheets. Lance's brain had been on automatic up to this point. But now something was different. He woke up more fully. Justin was not there. He looked around the room. No evidence of Justin being here. Not even his clothes lying around or his shoes sitting around waiting to be tripped over.
Lance slowly raised himself out of the bed. He walked over to the bathroom. Again, no sign Justin had been here. He checked the time on the alarm clock next to the bed. 7:30. Must be wrong. Where did he put his watch? There it is. 7:32.
It definitely was morning. But where was Justin? Scenarios started playing through Lance's mind. Did he get sick or injured? Is he in the hospital? Did some crazed fan kidnap him?
"Calm yourself, Lance," he said to himself. "Call his room. Maybe he just lost the key card to my room. Yeah, he's always losing stuff. What was his room number? 1220, I think."
He dialed up his friend's room. By the third ring, Lance's imagination was starting to get the best of him. But then the phone was picked up.
"Yeah, what is it?"
"Justin, it's Lance. Are you OK?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just getting some needed Zs."
"Did you lose my room key?"
"No, I haven't lost it."
"Oh. I just kind of thought you might have lost it and couldn't get in to join me in bed."
"No. No. I've got it. What time is it?"
"A little after 7:30."
"What time do we have to be out of here?"
"By 10."
"OK. Well, I'm gonna get a little more sleep. We can talk later."
"Sure. Go back to sleep."
Lance hung up the telephone receiver. He wasn't worried now as much as confused. If he hadn't lost the room key, why didn't he join him in bed this morning? Lance tried to think whether Justin had said anything about not stopping by, but he couldn't recall any such conversation. Had he done or said anything to offend Justin? Again, nothing came to his mind. He'll have to wait to talk to Justin about it.
Justin made it to the bus last. Also late. Joey and Chris made special note of the lateness. JC was elsewhere on the bus. Lance just gave him a look as if he was asking "Well?" He took a seat without saying much. He only glanced up at Lance a couple of times. Lance began to get frustrated by what appeared to be Justin's attempt to ignore him.
Justin got up, headed for the bathroom. Lance waited a few seconds, then started to head the same way. When the younger band member walked out, Lance was standing there waiting.
"Oh, hey," Justin said as soon as he saw Lance.
"Hey yourself. Something wrong?"
"No."
"So you gonna tell me what's up?"
"I don't think we should do this on the bus."
"Do what? Talk? We do that all the time."
"Scoop, we do need to talk. But we need to wait until later. When we can actually have some privacy."
"OK. I'll wait. Justin, are you mad at me for something?"
"Look, man, I'm not mad at you. OK? We just need to talk about things later. When the other guys aren't around."
"Alright. But you swear you're not pissed off with me for something."
"I swear."
With that said, Justin headed back up to the front portion of the bus to rejoin Chris and Joey. Lance just stood in the hallway. He was still confused.
"You just waiting for your bladder to fill up, or just waiting to see if any cuties come out of the head?"
"Huh?" Lance said. "Oh, hey JC. Sorry. I was just thinking."
"Most guys wait until they're sitting on the toilet to do that."
Lance smiled and shook his head. "Thanks, JC."
"What for?"
"For making me smile."
"Something really bothering you, Scoop?"
"I don't know. I mean... I'm just kinda concerned. Justin seems to be upset with me, but he won't admit it and won't tell me what's wrong."
"Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with you. Maybe he and Brittany are having a fight."
"Pretty sure that's not the case."
"Well, you know Justin. He'll tell you when he's ready and not before. He's always seemed as if he has something he wants to tell me, but never gets around to it. I've just come to accept that about him. I figure if it's really important, he'll let me know."
"Guess so."
"Now, were you getting ready to use the head, cause if you don't need it, I sure as hell do."
"Go ahead. Really. As I said, I was just thinking."
"I'll be out in a few minutes, Lance. I'll catch up with you and maybe we can get your mind on something more pleasant."
"Sure." JC went into the small bathroom. Lance's mind was already onto something more pleasant. And it was beginning to make his pants tent out slightly.
To be continued...