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PART 3 -- THE GIRL INSIDE
Kyle Anderson's hands clattered against the front door of his former best friend's house to no reply. He tried the doorbell - which had never worked in all the time he had known Chris -- to no avail. `Where is he? Has he changed his mind? Maybe this is all one big mistake...' Kyle's thoughts became self-doubting and pessimistic again: a definite go-to mood for him, if not quite a default setting.
He knocked again, forceful and impatient.
The driveway was empty, and the stone building seemed to be cold and still, as if unwearyingly waiting for its owner's return. He began to move out on to the front lawn to get a better view of Chris' bedroom window, as the blinds covering the adjoining window panels flickered for an instant, before swaying limply against the frame. He heard the thud of footsteps and the clatter of keys hitting the wooden flooring inside, before the door cautiously creaked open a crack.
"Come in, quick!" a hushed voice sounded.
Kyle was taken back by this strange welcome, and began opening the door to enter. "Hey, what's going on? What took you so long?" he peered inside, but could see no sign of Chris. `This is fucking weird' he thought, as he closed the door and stood nervously waiting in the hallway. The sound of footsteps, or, more specifically, the sound of heeled shoes, clicked against the tiled floor of the adjacent kitchen and grew louder as they headed towards the entrance of the house.
A young girl appeared in the hallway, her long platinum blonde hair flowing past her shoulders. She wore a light, shimmering, burgundy dress that hung loosely at her shoulders, a silver pendent necklace plunged mischievously into her just hidden cleavage. The tops of her black sheer stockings brushed against the hem of her dress, tantalising the imagination of Kyle's gawking eyes. She looked slight and skinny in her oversized silver studded heels, and she stood with a slightly awkward posture that made her look cute, innocent, and sexy, all at once. She tilted her head to the side and smirked a little before sticking her tongue out over her pink lips, her eyes wide, wild and beautiful.
Kyle didn't know how long he had stood entranced by this beauty, but it seemed like minutes had passed before he said anything. "Umm. Uhumm.. I'm here to see Chris... is he home?" he mumbled, his throat seeming blocked, his words barely audible.
The girl giggled, it sounded familiar, yet unlike anyone he had ever heard before.
"It's me you doofus!" The girl giggled and awkwardly twirled, holding the hem of her dress, the black straps of her suspenders flashing underneath for a brief moment. She leaned forward, placing her hands on her sheer stockings. "What do you think?" She grinned, purposely pouting and posing in the direction of Kyle.
He didn't know how to react. His throat gulped. He was completely shocked. "....Chris?" He furrowed his brow.
"Oh, come on I know I look good, but you don't have to play the fool" she giggled, her movements definitely feminine and slightly more emphasised than usual. "And by the way... it's Chrissy." She poked her tongue out again and moved towards him, her heels clicking on the hard wooden floor.
"Chrissy? What for, like, forever?" Kyle was slowly regaining his composure, but still seemed unable to master speech at this moment in time.
"No, silly! When I'm like.... this. Pretty!" Chrissy giggled and pouted, she twirled her hair and exuded a confidence that suited her feminine attire: the girl inside was visible and fully formed. "I didn't think you'd react... well not like this anyway. Maybe a bit of a cock stiffen - but not all goofy and dumbstruck like this!" She took his hand and he noticed her burgundy nails that protruded at least an inch from her fingers. It was like electricity pulsed through her soft skin as she held his hand.
"So what do you think then? You like?" She asked, starring deeply into his eyes. "I tried to match my nails to the dress", she pouted and raised her eyebrows. She was definitely putting on a show.
"I'm shocked, I didn't know what was going on" He laughed, his senses returning.
"Aww baby, were you a bit scared? But I'm all little and pretty!" She said playfully and then laughed that infectious laugh.
His stomach dive-bombed, his heart pounded, his head did a loop-de-loop. He was absolutely smitten with her.
"It's not like it's the first time you've seen me dressed up all girly!"
"Well yeh, but this is different: you really look like.... a girl." He gulped. "The shoes, the dress, the hair -- where's that come from by the way? And it's blonde! Last time was a bit like playing, but this looks real" he had found his voice again and was on the verge of rambling, as questions and compliments quickly sprang from his mouth. "I thought it was Jodie, but then I thought nah it's not, it must be your cousin -- Amy? - Or a friend or I don't know -- but you look so fucking stunning, you're beautiful! This isn't the first time you've done this is it -- I didn't know -- but fuck...." He trailed off aware he had completely spilled his thoughts aloud without processing any of them.
Chrissy giggled, "Slow down, let's go sit down and I'll tell you all about it...."
She sashayed off into the living room, her hips swaying in an exaggerated stride. She knew he couldn't take his eyes of her, and she purposely thrust out her skimpily clad behind to adjust her stockings. Kyle's eyes widened and his heart raced, before they both sat down on the cold brown leather sofa. He watched her as she crossed her legs, smoothed out her iridescent dress, and dangled her high heeled shoe purposely in the air. Shuffling across the couch, she sat right up close to Kyle, their knees almost touching. With a flick of her wrist she placed her false-nailed fingers on her knee, and titled her head to the side, revealing silver hooped earrings visible beneath her blonde locks. She was soft, and purposeful in her mannerisms -- `fuck, she is just like a girl' Kyle thought.
They looked at each other. The moment of silence seemed to go on for longer than it should. Both felt uncontrollable butterflies flutter inside their bodies.
"So yeh, I've been dressing up a little bit more... seriously" She smiled uneasily, her hands gesturing to her outfit, for the first time lacking the confidence she had earlier shown. "And it's a wig -- obviously -- I've got a few but I'm quite liking the blonde at the moment. It cost a fortune, mind you, but it's so much better than the one I first bought". She continued: "Well I can see why you might have thought it was Jodie, as this is a kind of mix of her things and a few I bought myself. The heels are mine: my feet are too big!" She squeezed his knee playfully.
An awkward tension seemed to suddenly engulf them, as if sudden physical contact had lifted the curtain of their fantasy. For a moment the mood changed and Kyle was taken out of the make-believe of meeting a cute girl, into the reality of being sat with his former best friend while he paraded and pranced around pretending to be a girl. He gulped hard. His eyes widened.
Chrissy sensed the change of atmosphere, and decided to take control of the situation.
"Look, I know what you're going to say, before you say it. You're going to question what-the-fuck-is-going-on, and then change your mind about a thousand times, like you always do, before realising that you're actually having a good time" Chrissy explained
"I don't change my mind all the time...." Kyle interrupted.
"Yes, you do!" she stressed each word with a nod of her head, "and let me finish please. I'll tell you what I should have in the first place, and then -- and hear me out -- I'll tell you what I think should happen next." Chris remained silent, but urged her to continue.
Chrissy placed her hand back onto Kyle's knee, for comfort more than anything else, as she began to retell her journey to becoming the sissy that sat before him. "Well it's gone on longer than I let you know, and it wasn't just about the `ultimate lesbian sex fantasy'; I mean - sure - that is part of it too, but it's not the only reason I do this." She smiled nervously.
"This has been part of my life for a long time now: as long as I can remember. As long as I can remember, I've been enticed by, turned on by, jealous of, curious about... women's clothing." She placed firm emphasis on those two words, laughing nervously. "I remember when I was about 7, I used to try on my Mum and Jodie's panties. And I can't explain why. I just loved the way they felt, the material, their patterns, the colours: the way it made me feel. I was just a little kid, and there I was tucking my junk into skimpy little knickers. Shit, I knew it was strange even then, but one time my Dad walked in on me trying on my Mum's tights and he freaked the fucked out! I mean shit really hit the fan: I really got in trouble for that." She laughed, and Kyle joined in: she was infectious again, charming and playful. She made him feel excited, and he couldn't explain why.
"And Jodie once walked in on me: in her room, wearing her Prom dress - this pink flowing number, all satin, sequins and ribbons - and there I was in full makeup, posing and pouting in front of her bedroom mirror" She continued.
"Fuck off, really? I bet she was furious" Kyle laughed.
"I thought she was going to puke! It was like two days before Prom, and there I am wearing her pride and joy", she grinned. "It was gorgeous though", she justified. "But I just made out it was a prank, that I was being all spiteful and mean, and asshole-little-brother-ish. When actually I just couldn't restrain myself from trying it on." She pondered, holding her nails up for closer inspection: "That was a dumb idea"
"Okay, but why though? That's what I don't get..." Kyle interjected, his brow furrowed and pensive.
"Seriously? I don't know. I don't think any of us do..." She trailed off.
"'Us'? What do you mean?"
"You know: sissies, crossdressers, transvestites, trannys - whatever you want to call it" She looked thoughtful and measured in her speech.
"Is that what you consider yourself then?" Kyle questioned.
"I don't know, and that's the part I think you are going to struggle with -- you always want to label things to make sense of them. You wouldn't even listen to Slaves, until I convinced you they were punk." She teased, knowing this would prompt the same response she had heard many times before.
"I don't like rock duos, they're so fucking hipster" He had taken the bait without knowing. "I thought it was like..."
"....Yeh, I'm fucking with you. But you do: you have to put a clear name or label to things. It's alright, it's just how you make sense of the world. I'm just not like that, it doesn't bother me. I just do it because it feels right, and who gives a fuck what anyone else says." For the first time that afternoon, Kyle could hear the same old Chris speaking to him - it was like nothing had changed. Any yet they had, in such a dramatic way.
"All I know is that I've always been aware of it, always had it. I'd watch any shit TV that even slightly involved crossdressing. Ex-boy band members dress up to form a girl group, There's something about Miriam', Sean Bean's crossdressing drama, Drag Race. It's always fascinated me. And I've had periods when I've really repressed it, carried on like normal. Purged' I think they call it." She answered before he asked the inevitable question, "It's when you get rid of your stash of clothes that you've built up; you decide this shit isn't for me anymore and you throw it all away and you pledge to become a `real man'. But it never goes away, not really."
Kyle definitely could identify with that notion, his method was more keep it hidden in the back of the closet and don't even address the issue any further by throwing it out - but all the same it was a torture of guilt, shame and taboo. He could definitely relate to that. He nodded along as the girl beside him continued. "When I was 13 I thought it might be that I was gay, so I made out with another guy. It didn't feel right, it didn't involve crossdressing and it didn't feel the same. The urge went away, I dated girls and that was fine. And then, I guess I was in the middle of a new wave of sissy obsession, when I forced all this on to you...." She stopped, her eyes became teary and she became delicate and fragile again.
"You didn't force it on me. I enjoyed it. Like... a lot. I just couldn't deal with it, I'm not as easy going and confident as you..." He tried to comfort her.
Her emotions still high, she held back tears. "I have to work so fucking hard to be like that. You just don't fucking try, you're so fucking up and down, you're so fucking .... Emo!" she blurted.
"I think you're the emo one right now!" He paused looking at the almost-crying teenage girl in front of him, before they both burst into a bought of uncontrollable laughter. It was like they had removed all their hang-ups and doubts, and any animosity they had directed towards each other had been lifted. Kyle moved in and put his arms round the beautiful creature in front of him.
"I don't care what happens next, let's just have fun with it" he whispered.
His mouth moved towards Chrissy's pink lips.
Electricity sparked.
Flames erupted.
Fireworks Exploded.
Drums banged.
Time went in slow motion, as hearts raced at double pace.
"Uh-uh, no, not now..." Chrissy pried herself away from her lover's embrace. "As much as this kills me, I don't think that this is the right thing to do right now." She straightened her skirt and got to her feet, her balance slightly off in her high heels.
Kyle looked dumbfounded. His penis strained against his jeans, longing to obey his lust. He remained silent.
"It's not that I don't want to. Fuck, I've got such a hard-on right now." She squirmed in her panties, and pulled at her dress. "It wouldn't be healthy for either of us to fool about, cum all over each other, and then have you change your mind, disappear and hate me again..."
"That wouldn't happen" Kyle responded, a little hurt, but even he didn't fully believe his own reply.
"Let's just hang out, take it slow.... catch up. I'm not saying I don't ever want to do that again, because I totally do. But right now I think we need to rebuilt our relationship a little first"
Kyle considered his friend's words. And conceded that he was probably right. Although his dick was in full disagreement. "So what have you been doing these past 4 months?" He smirked.