This is based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, Experience but it is a work of pure fiction. Come to think of it--it might not be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of characters:
Kyle Tragg -- That'd be Moi
Kevin -- my Brother
Ron -- my dad.
Chrissy -- Mom
Mike Newberry. -- my new best friend.
Prologue:
Okay, so right off the bat, I'm gonna tell you ... I'm gay. I only found out three years ago when my older brother, Kevin, caught me and Bob Wilson from down the street fooling around in our bedroom.
Not that it didn't freak me out when it actually happened:
"Kyle!! What the fuck are you doing?" Said my brother, Kevin. I was 16 and Kev, 19, was going to USC on a football scholarship.
"What's going on, Tragg?" Said his friend, coming down the hall.
Kevin slammed my door and I heard his muffled explanation: "My little brother ... he's in there beating off!"
"Yeah, like you've never done that!" Said his buddy, laughing.
Kev poked his head in the room again. "You climb out the window, Bob! Kyle -- looks like you and I are gonna talk ... later!"
Bob and I had faked a sick day to spend it together uninterrupted. So much for the plans of mice and men! Bob left -- out the window -- and I got dressed and went down to the kitchen. I didn't recognize Kevin's friend. Kevin ignored me when I walked in ... or rather he seemed too embarrassed to say anything. I said, "Hi. I'm Kyle."
"So I surmised." Said his friend. "Kevin has told me about you. I'm Roger. Roger Wilkinson the Third! Funny thing about getting caught, you know." I turned red and Kevin was already purple. "I was caught a little younger than you by Roger Wilkinson the Second!"
"What ... your DAD caught you?" I said.
"Not only did he catch me ... I was doing it with my best friend. We both had it out and were pounding the shit out of ourselves when he walked in on us! We were trying to see who could cum the fastest."
"Good fucking grief, Rodge!" said my brother. "What did he do?"
"Both me and Danny about wet our pants ... except our pants were off and unfortunately for Danny ... he won the contest ... just as Dad walked in! My dad looked surprised then started to laugh! He told us about when he had done that with a whole group of his friends, and one of the older guys had shot his load right up into his own face. My dad is so cool!"
Kevin was still pretty quiet. Of course he knew that what Bob and I were doing wasn't quite that innocent. Finally Kevin spoke up, quietly. "I didn't know that guys did that kind if stuff ... together ... at this age!"
"Well, like I said, I was somewhat younger than your brother, but I'll bet the guy who spooged in his own face was Kyle's age!"
Later that night, Kevin left me and our parents in the TV room and went to bed. I lingered a bit longer, not wanting to talk about what Kevin really saw. Kevin reappeared and said, "Come on up to bed, Kye! I need to ask you something."
I was very paranoid, wondering if Mom and Dad were wondering what he wanted to talk to me about. Of course they hardly took notice. When I got to our room Kevin was sitting on my bed, with a sheepish grin on his face.
"What?!!" I said.
"Sorry about this morning, Kye --Kye!"
"Wha- at?" I said, unbelieving. "YOU'RE sorry?"
"I overreacted, Kye. It's just I never saw anyone -- two guys, I mean -- doing that. I mean, I know that guys experiment and stuff, But -- I guess I never thought about my little brother in that position ... I never did it myself."
"You and I played with each other when we were little!" I responded.
"We touched each other, was all!"
"Well, I was only five, Kev, but I remember that you were slipping you hand up and down while you touched me!"
"I've tried to forget that, Kye." Said my chagrinned brother. "And I have something else to confess to you."
"What?!" I said, wondering if he was going to tell me ... well ...
"When you were between 6 months old and a year, I did that to you ... sucked you ... a lot! It has made me pretty guilty ever since. I wished I got caught, so Mom and Dad could make it all okay." By this time he had tears coursing down his face. "Kye-Kye -- if you're gay, I'll never forgive myself!"
I was stunned! I never thought of myself as gay. "Kev -- um -- I don't think -- I'm gay. Bob and I just like to fool around. It's not as if we're in love. It just feels good! Kev ... it feels fucking good!"
"And ... how would YOU know how good fucking feels?" He said, a slight grin curling the ends of his mouth.
"I -- I -- don't. It's just an expression."
"Have you and Bob been doing more than what I saw?"
"Look, Kev, what you saw -- Bob and me sucking each other -- is all we've done. I don't think that makes us gay!"
"You're probably right." Said my brother. At nineteen I looked up to him ... and if he said it, I believed it.
But after that day, I started to wonder. I really never was interested in girls. When the guys talked about their conquests in the locker room and stuff, I didn't really believe it. I actually hated that. I liked girls, but not in that way. And it pissed me off that the guys talked like that about them.
Then about half way into my junior year, Juan Contreras invited me to go to a party. At first that freaked me out. I was fascinated by Juan. And ... I thought he knew why. I was sure he caught me staring at his oversized uncut dick in the locker room. But he never challenged me on it. I was probably near his size, but being cut it didn't hang as low. And since he asked me to go to the party WITH him, I was intrigued.
All the guys there came stag. I found out that Stacy Wiltshire had asked Juan to bring me. Apparently someone was also talking about me. At this party, all it was for was to have the girls suck the guys. And they really didn't suck. They just put their lips on each dick and made a mark with the lipstick. Of COURSE I got hard! Seeing all those other hard dicks made that easy.
I was bursting to tell them that what they were doing didn't feel nearly as good as having it actually sucked and bobbed on. Of course I didn't say that!
Each girl had to put a lipstick ring further down than the last. By the time we got to the last girl ... she was choking ... well they all were -- well MOST of them anyway! But the girl that was on Juan, Britta, rather than let it go, like everyone else, she started to bob and moan. Everyone stopped and stared as she quickly got him to cum ... in her mouth! Nearly everyone almost choked watching it -- except for Juan, who's eyes were closed and he was crying out like they were the only ones in the room, as cum was dripping all around his dick.
Britta then turned to Wanda Wills and kissed her on the mouth and Wanda swallowed what was passed to her. Everyone went ... "EWWW!"
The two girls started to giggle. They were inseparable at school and everyone thought they were pretty slutty. This proved it to everyone there.
But what went down for me was that I couldn't keep my eyes off Juan, as he slouched low in the chair he was in, and his dick withdrew into his foreskin slowly ... I licked my lips and just as I did it, I looked up and saw Juan looking directly onto my eyes. I immediately looked away and was petrified that Juan would say something ... but he didn't.
Juan pulled himself up and pulled up his pants, stuffing his still partially engorged dick into his tighty-whities before zipping up. He again looked at me and blushed.
There were some drinks and drugs there too, but Juan said he needed to get home early. He was my ride, so I said, "I guess I need to get home early too." No one offered to give me a lift and so I had some of those mixed emotions: I was hurt that no one offered, but I really wasn't all that interested to stay!
For the short distance to my house, we didn't talk. When we got to my house, he parked his car and shut off the engine. I felt immediately intimidated, because I figured he'd just drop me off. After another embarrassed pause, I said, "Um -- thanks for -- um -- inviting me to um -- whatever it was we just did."
"I'm sorry, Kyle." He said, not looking into my eyes. "I didn't know."
"You didn't know? About what?" I said, but stopped breathing until he answered. I was scared shitless he would mention how I was looking at him.
"Kyle, I was so scared to ask you to go to the party at Stacy's. But she asked me to. I was afraid that you ... maybe had noticed ... um ..."
"I'm sorry." I said simply, hoping that it would be enough. "I guess I have not hid it very much, Dude. But - "
"Hid ... what?" He said. "You're such a nice guy, Kyle! You didn't give anything away!" I was just afraid that you might. I now know that you are cool with it. Or at least I hope you are."
"Omigosh!" I thought to myself. "I think we're talking about the same thing!" But I didn't say it to him. Before I could say anything, he continued,
"What I'm trying to say is ... um -- wait a minute. I wonder -- I have a big favor to ask you."
"What?" I asked.
"My parents are away for the weekend and my brother asked me no to come home tonight. He has plans to bring a girl home for the night. I know this is weird, but -- I know we don't know each other very well, but since you were so cool about not saying anything when you've caught me staring at you -- I mean -- oh shit! Did I actually say that aloud? I mean -- well, do you think I could stay with you tonight?"
My stomach did so many somersaults I thought I was going to barf! Juan was one of the coolest guys at school. I was so surprised when he asked me to go to that party -- half afraid he was going to out me right there for staring at HIM in the locker room! And now he's asking if he can stay with me the night. I closed my eyes a moment and exhaled. That upset him even more. "Oh God, Kyle! Look, you can tell me no, or just go to hell ... anything! I'll just go and ... I dunno where, but I'll find someplace! Please don't tell anyone what I told you ... omigod, please!" He was nearly crying.
"Juan," I said taking another deep breath to keep from chucking my dinner. He looked like any moment he was going to explode and was about to say something else, but I cut him off. "Um -- heh -- you may have noticed -- I'm still sitting here?"
He swallowed hard. "Please ... I know you could probably beat the crap outa me if you wanted, but -- I mean - "
"Juan -- shut up!" I said quietly. "Okay first, you can stay!" He relaxed a little when I said that. "In the second place, my parents would skin me alive if they even found out I let you go homeless -- even for a night! And besides that, DUDE! I thought it was YOU that caught ME lookin'!" I laughed.
"Oh crap!" Said Juan. "Now I KNOW your playin' with me!" But he said it like he was half hoping it wasn't so.
"Look -- I`m not playin' with you, Juan, " I started. "I - "
"I wasn't asking you to! -- I mean -- oh shit this is coming out all wrong!" He said.
I leaned way over to his side of the car and looked into his eyes. This close I could see the tears in his eyes. He looked like he thought I would hit him, but didn't flinch. "I repeat, Juan ... just shut up a moment and let me finish.
"Sorry!" he cried and his finger ever so slightly grazed my arm. This caused a reaction to my whole body and I again closed my eyes and took a deep breath. He was actually holding his!
"Juan, I think you're one of the coolest guys in school, and - "
"You mean coolest Chicanos in school!"
"No, Damn it! Just let me finish!" I was getting frustrated and it was showing. "No -- you are one of the coolest guys in school -- at least in MY book -- and I was scared shitless you had caught ME -- no, REALLY, Juan! I really thought that! And I'd love to have you stay the night with me -- but first I think you should know something. Juan -- I think I might be gay!"
He looked at me as if I had hit him hard in the face with a pillow.
"SHIT!" He said.
"I -- well -- I was afraid of -- this - " I said as I opened the door to get out."
"Where you goin'?" He said almost desperately.
"Well -- after that, I figured you'd want me away from you as far and as quickly as possible." I said, leaning down to look at him, the door still open.
"So -- I can't stay ... now?" he said."
"You still WANT to -- after what I just told you?"
"Kyle, I don't care if you're gay!"
"I didn't say I WAS gay!" I said defensively.
"Well, if you are, I don't care! Tonight, when Britta was doing that to me, it was my first time. And I closed my eyes, imagining it was ... um ... someone else -- and that all those other people weren't there! When she turned and spit it into Wanda's mouth I nearly barfed! I am beginning to wonder if I'm -- well at least -- Bisexual or something. Isn't that supposed to turn a guy on to see two girls making out?"
"Maybe -- but didn't you notice that everyone looked they wanted to barf when they did that!"
"They did?" He said, incredulously.
"Yes! And I think you're right, most guys do like to see two girls kiss."
He looked away and almost whispered, "I don't. I think it's gross."
"Come on in and meet my parents." I said with a grin. He got out, locked his car and followed me into the house.
"Mom -- dad -- this is Juan."
"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Tragg."
My brother bounded from our room and gawked. "Juan? You mean Juan Contreras?" Juan blushed. Kevin continued. "I saw every game last season, Dude! You have to be one of the most talented quarterbacks that the high school has seen in years! Are you graduating this year?"
"Next year. And -- Omigod!: Said Juan, "You're the notorious Kevin Tragg! I never put that together!"
"You've seen me play?" Said Kevin proudly.
"No, but I wish I coulda! The coach can't stop talking about you!"
"Mom -- Dad -- Is it okay if Juan stays here tonight." I asked.
"Of course dear. Bob isn't coming tonight, then?"
Juan looked between me and my parents. I said, "No, I didn't see much of him today." Kevin snickered. I shot him a dirty look.
"I'm sure Kevin won't mind sleeping on the hide-a-bed in the den tonight." Said mom.
"Oh, I couldn't do that!" Said Juan. "I'll just sleep on the floor."
"You're the guest here!" I said. "I'll take the floor and - "
My mom said, "Now, Kyle, Kevin sleeps there all the time when Bob stays the night. I don't see - "
"Mom! Can't you tell? Juan and Kev want to talk! And believe it or not -- I wanna listen!"
Juan is the star quarterback for our varsity football team and he's only a junior. I am on Junior varsity. I wanted to hear what these two had to say!
"I don't have any jams that would fit you, Juan" I said.
"I can just wear my underwear. I don't wear jams at home anyway."
I let Juan have the bathroom first, and then I went in ... followed by my brother. "Kye-Kye, I can split to the den if you want."
"It's okay, Kev."
"I KNOW it's okay, but do you think I couldn't see the looks that passed between you and Juan?"
"What?" I said.
"It's so obvious, Kye! You both want each other!"
"No!" I said. "It's not like that!"
"It SOOOO is -- like that, little brother! Ever since you told me about -- well -- since I caught you and Bob six months ago, I've been watching you. I think you're gay."
"Oh, Kev -- just fuck off!" I said, disgustedly. "I haven't even decided that yet!"
"I KNOW you haven't! I've just seen it! And Juan is a hot looking guy, so - "
"Maybe YOU want ME to stay in the den ... if you feel that way about him!"
"NOOO! Kye, please don't -- don't -- be mad at me. I just think it's cool that you have found such a cool guy!"
"We haven't found each other. We hardly even KNOW each other." I said.
"And what about that? What's Bob gonna say about this?"
"Bob really ISN'T gay!:" I said. "He just likes what we do ... sometimes!"
"You mean every weekend -- and sometimes during the week, when you can find a place to do it!?"
"Whatever! But he's not gay!"
"If you say so!" He taunted.
"Hey, Kev -- can I ask you something?"
"Sure -- you know you can ask me anything!"
"Can I suck your dick?"
"Kye! What kind of question is that?"
"Really -- could I do it some time?"
"You really wouldn't mind?"
"No! Especially if you did me back!"
"Now that's where I draw the line!" He said.
"And Bob draws the line AFTER sucking each other. He won't kiss me -- we already discussed that! He's not gay!"
"Well, if you insist. Now -- how about you and Juan? Do you really want me in the room tonight?"
"Yes -- I do. I hardly know him, Kev."
"Okay, Kye-Kye." He shrugged and pecked me on the lips before going back to our room. He'd never done that before.
Back in the room, Juan was still standing up. "I told you that you can have the bed!" I said.
"I didn't know which one."
"It's the one with the most cum stains!" laughed Kevin.
"Oh crap!" I said, and I grabbed all the linens off my bed and tossed them in the hamper and got clean ones from the linen closet. I made the bed for him and got a sleeping bag for me.
"C'mon, Kye, you can sleep on my bed with me. We're brothers for craps sakes!"
We talked until well past 2:00 AM -- well actually THEY talked, mostly. I was just happy that Kevin approved of Juan. I never thought he did with Bob. Course that may have had something to do with my fooling around with Bob. Well, it was hard to fool around with Juan from Kevin's bed -- nor did I know if Juan even wanted to.
I woke up sometime soon after we went to sleep, because my brother's arm was over my chest and ... his face was next to mine and he was breathing on me ... very foul breath! I snaked my way from under him and went to the sleeping bag on the floor.
"Hi." Whispered Juan.
"Crap! I didn't want to wake you!" I whispered.
"Not your fault. I'm a light sleeper. I'll go back to sleep easily enough. I'll sleep better if you'll come up here with me."
"I don't want to bug you."
"Too late. Seeing you on the floor is bugging me!"
"The bed's only a twin!"
"And you're skinny and I'm small! We don't have to sleep connected!" he giggled -- and I wondered if he might like to try that too!
I relented and slipped under the cover with him. I was earlier concerned because his underwear seemed pretty tight to sleep in. I needn't have worried. He was sleeping commando. When I got in, he slid as far to the other side of the bed as possible and lay on his side facing me. The light coming from the window over Kevin's bed shone easily on his face. He was smiling. I wondered if he knew I could so easily see his face ... because he probably couldn't see mine at all in the shadow.
"You can kiss me -- if you want." He said.
"I've never ... um ... kissed a guy." I said.
"Me neither. But I heard that if you can't kiss a guy -- you ain't queer!" He said. I giggled. "What?" He said.
"I was talking earlier about that to my brother."
"I sure like him."
"Me too." I said.
"Kyle, I'm so glad that we finally have made friends. I've known you since 7th grade, but was afraid to say anything to you."
"Afraid!?? Why? I mean ... why -- why!"
"Ah, you're so good looking and when my family came here from Montebello, I felt so out of place! Not many Chicanos here! No one treated me too badly but I was shy. I just keep thinking ... about the time
we've wasted. You and your brother are so ... so ... nice. And your brother doesn't care if I'm Chicano or homosexual."
"Are you gay?" I said.
"I dunno, but he doesn't care! That makes me feel so at ease around him -- well both of you! I think he saw me looking at you earlier tonight. So ... you wanna kiss me g'night?"
I smiled. I came over to his side of the bed and kissed him like my brother had kissed me. A closed mouth tight lipped kiss. "You ever kiss a girl?" he said.
"No. you?"
"Yeah -- plenty of them." It didn't feel like that!"
"What did it feel like." I asked.
"I think you need to open your mouth."
"Oh -- hee hee -- I knew that!" I chuckled. We kissed again and he grazed my lips with his tongue -- and moaned. I opened further and his tongue came in and we kissed very sweetly. My wood was hard as nails by this time, but I kept it away from him.
"Wow!" He said.
"What?"
"It wasn't anything like that either!"
"What wasn't?"
"Kissing any girl!"
"Well -- I'm not a girl!"
"I know. That's what I liked about it. Who taught you to kiss like that?"
"No one. I never KISSED anyone like that!" I said.
"Um -- did you like it?"
"Um - "
"As well as I did?"
"Um - "
"You LIKED it, Kye-Kye!" laughed my brother from the other bed.
"What?" I said. "You WANT me to be gay?" I asked, exasperated.
"Well ... no ... but since you are ... I think it's kinda cool!" Said Kevin. "I never would a believed I'd feel this way, but ... yeah, it's kinda cool that my little bro is gay!"
"Please don't tell Mom and Dad!" I pleaded.
"You think they don't already know?"
"That's exactly what I think!" I said, my stomach churning.
"Kye -- youre killin' poor Juan! Tell the boy you liked it!"
"OKAY!" (sigh!) "I liked it ... a lot, dammit!"
Ever since that night, I thought I knew I was gay. I didn't go with Juan ... or Bob ... ever, but I played with both of them as often as I could. Juan seemed to accept that I wasn't ready for prime time, and Bob wasn't admitting anything except he liked trading sucks with me. He never kissed me and ... to tell the truth, I never really wanted to kiss him. His breath smelled like an ash tray!
But I did kiss Juan quite a bit -- since we both liked it. We never did the things that Bob and I did, but we jacked off together a lot and even wanked each other a few times. Once I got the two of them together for a circle jerk. But that's the extent of the threesome action ... and it only happened once! Both of them were uncomfortable with it.
Then came the senior prom. I loved to dance and it since I had never danced with a guy ... and it would have been weird to go with a guy ... to actually BE with that guy -- at the prom ... I asked a girl.
The girls like dancing with me because I could actually dance. I double dated to the prom with another guy and girl from my class. After he drove up to Hollywood hills on Mullholland drive and found a place to park, overlooking the Los Angeles valley. At night when you couldn't see the smog it was beautiful and quite romantic.
William and his date started to kiss and I felt very self conscious. I had never really kissed a girl. But Donna, I'm sure, assumed we'd do the same and she initiated it. Well, obviously I KNEW how to kiss after more than a years practice with Juan, so she liked the way I did it ... and ... actually I didn't mind it either.
As we were making out, Donna's hand found my fly ... and unzipped it. She felt and found my softness, but it didn't take much fondling for it to respond!
William and his date were already moaning and were out of sight ... below the seat back of the crew cab truck he was driving. Donna suddenly scooted away from me and went down on me with gusto! I was petrified for about two seconds and then closed my eyes and let it happen.
When she was done ... having swallowed most of my junk ... she came back and unloaded some into my mouth. That wasn't all that great, but soon we were kissing again as if this were our last night together! It was ... as far as I was concerned! I liked kissing her. I liked the way she sucked me. But she did it so effortlessly, I knew she'd done a lot of guys! That turned me off, later when I thought about it.
She called a week later and asked if I was going to the all-night party with anyone. I said I didn't know yet. I mean, she hit me broadside with it! "Well? Do you wanna go with me?" She asked. What could I say?
After graduation was the all night party. The school -- along with a few of the parents -- had done a great job fixing up the gym for the party. There was plenty of food and games to play as well as part of it was fixed up as a dance floor. I saw Juan several times throughout the night, him giving me querulous looks. I never told him what Donna did to me up in Hollywood.
About 3:00 AM, Donna said she was not feeling very well and asked me to take her home. I had no problem with that. I was ready too.
When we got to her house, she asked me to walk her in. (I would have done that anyway!) Once at the door, she unlocked it and pulled me inside. She closed the door and immediately was all over me!
"What about your parents?" I asked.
"They left for Tahiti as soon as graduation was done! C'mon!"
She pulled me into a bedroom ... which I suspected was her parents' bedroom -- and started to kiss me. I kissed her back -- it was not distasteful, after all!
She felt me up and said, "You don't have much experience with girls do you -- I mean besides kissing. You obviously have kissed a lot! You are very good at that!" She took my hand and put it under her dress. She showed me where her vagina was!
She was also by this time groping my dick. She never wondered -- at least aloud -- why it wasn't hard before she touched it. But it responded as she wanted when she played with it. She undressed me and herself, then pulled me to the bed. I wasn't exactly unwilling ... just not into it as much as she was!
She pulled the covers over us and started to jack me off. I was pretty much letting her, but that wasn't enough I guess because she took my hand and showed me how to finger fuck her! She was shaved clean as a baby!
Next she positioned herself to suck me and it put my face in her crotch. "You're supposed to put your tongue in there!" She said. "Duh" I said to myself. I followed her demand and found it wasn't too bad. It didn't smell or taste fishy like I'd heard about. I was kinda glad It was dark!
She had a clitoris that was nearly as big as some guys dicks and I could I could suck on it, with a little effort. She really liked that! She started to moan and cried out several times as I sucked and tongued her "dick" and she bobbed on my bone. It took me awhile this time to build my orgasm, because I was preoccupied trying to please her. I took it as a challenge and if her satisfied moans and screeches were any indication, I was doin' good! And ... it was actually almost fun ... almost!
I started to breath deep and she stopped and came back to the head of the bed and lat down and pulled me on top of her. We kissed some more. She asked me to put on my condom. I told her I didn't have one. "What?" She chided! "You -- you -- you really are a damned virgin, aren't you?"
I told her I'd never done anything like this! She giggled and said, "It's okay -- there's a first time for everything! And ... you really SUCK ... and not in a bad way! I've never had a guy who actually sucked on it! Are you sure you never did that before?"
"I promise ... I've never sucked!" I said "
(At least not one of those!)
I knew about first times, but I never thought I'd ever have a first time doing this! She found a condom in another part of the house ... probably her own room ... and brought it back. I was soft again! She got it hard once more and rolled the condom onto me. Then she jacked it some more -- fast -- and when I was as hard as I could be, she told me to mount her.
We fit perfectly! She kissed me as I trust myself in and out of her. I went slowly at first. She told me to go faster and harder and deeper. She again started to moan and cry out. Then it was my turn. She kissed me deeply as I shot my junk into the condom. I was both crying and laughing and also gasping deeply as I shot and shot cum into that condom! My eyes were closed the whole time and ... it wasn't her I was imagining I was kissing!
I was thoroughly confused after that morning. I liked what we did. I had never had sexual intercourse with anyone before and it was ... GOOD!
"What's going on with you, Kye?" Asked Juan. "Did you change your mind about being gay or something?" He said it almost flippantly.
He had come over a couple days after graduation. Tears came to my eyes. I really liked Juan -- a lot -- a lot more than I liked Donna! A lot more than I admitted even to myself! I told him what we had done. "Omigosh!" he said, "You actually ate her out? Was it ... I mean -- I mean -- ICK!" He looked a little green as he said it.
"It wasn't as bad as I would have thought. She was really clean and shaved smooth."
"You liked it?"
"I -- didn't -- exactly -- LIKE -- like it!" I said. "But it wasn't all that bad ... is all."
He shivered a bit and said, "Oh! I once smelled my mama's diaphragm that she left in the bathroom by mistake. I about passed out! How could you stand the smell?"
"Maybe some girls smell worse than others?" I suggested. "Actually I think most guys like that smell anyway!" I added.
"Yeah, maybe it's an acquired taste -- like coffee or beer!" He said. "So -- what are you going to do? Do you like girls now?"
I sat slowly and sighed deeply. "I dunno."
"I -- I -- guess it would be a lot easier for you if -- if -- you did." Said Juan, sadly.
"Jonny, you and I have never done anything -- besides kiss!" I had started calling him Jonny around the beginning of our senior year. I was the only one who called him that and ... never within earshot of anyone else.
"I know!" He sighed and sat next to me. I looked up and right into his eyes. There were tears in them. "I just thought -- or was hoping -- or something that - " he choked a little. " -- that you and I could -- maybe try -- to -- but -- you -- have to give this a chance - - - don't you?" He asked with a definite hope to the contrary in his voice.
"I -- I guess." I said, and I too was by this time crying again too. Why couldn't I tell him how I felt about him?!! Well, I know that now ... I was only 17!
Juan looked deeply from his wet eyes into my own. "Okay, Kye." He gave me a hug and said, "I guess -- I mean -- I hope -- I mean -- (sigh!) I'll see you around -- huh?"
"Yeah -- for sure!" I said.
But -- I never did.
I also never saw Donna again. .
Oh -- did I tell you? I went into a deep depression after Juan walked out that day. If it wasn't for the fact that I saw Bob regularly as clockwork all summer, I don't know what I'd have done. But we never wanted to do more than what we'd always done -- for the same reasons. We just kind of were "there for each other".
Chapter 1
I didn't have a scholarship like my brother did, so I went to the local junior college. It was there I met Mike Newberry. Mike was in my chemistry lab and we worked on most of the projects together. He was the same age as I and he had graduated from the rival school in our town.
We actually went to third grade together, but since at that time, Kev was in 6th grade ... and since he didn't mind me hanging around with him and his friends -- I didn't really know anyone except those in my immediate neighborhood ... and then Dad got a raise and we moved to another school district.
Mike knew who my brother was and he especially knew who Juan was. "Gosh, Kyle! He was the best quarterback in the region. He alwys seemed kind of stuck up or something."
"He was just shy." I said.
"And I heard that he turned out to be gay! Yah just never know, huh? Is that true?"
"Um -- I dunno. What if it was?" I said, trying hard not to show any rancor.
"Nothin', I guess. It just seems weird -- him being the football jock and all. Haha! He probably didn't mind getting sacked -- have a bunch of guys jump on top of him!
"He was pretty fast. So it didn't happen very often!" I said, getting a little irritated.
Heh! I wonder if he ever took a fall -- just because he liked the looks of a certain lineman!"
"Have you SEEN most linemen? Would you want one falling on you?" I said.
"I don't think I'd want any guy falling on me!" He said. (Please God ... change the subject!) "Hey -- you going to the Harvest ball? He asked me. (Thank you God!)
"I hadn't thought about it. The only girl I know is Donna in our regular chem class. And I sure as hell ain't taking her!"
I actually steered clear of her!
"Oh -- you mean E.C.?"
"E.C.?"
"Yeah, as in Enormous cunt! I hear she's pretty easy. And if you're shy all the better. She likes a newby!"
(I know!) "Hey, my girl, Crystal, can got you a date ... I KNOW it! Let's double it?" I thought about it a moment. "C'mon! It'll be a blast. You can come over after and spend the night at my house. I have some great computer games!"
I really didn't want to sit it out. At least Donna taught me that I liked doing it with a girl -- even if it wouldn't be her again! "Okay," I said, "but I'll pass on spending the night -- I just have trouble sleeping in strange beds. And we live close enough."
Truth be told, I was worried about my reaction to sleeping over. I still wasn't too sure about my sexuality and that made me nervous. "I could maybe come over in the morning." I said.
"Very cool! Do you play golf?"
"A little -- but only the computer variety."
"We'll have to fix that! My dad was a wanna-be pro. He's taught me a lot!"
The next day, in regular Chem class, Mike sat next to me as usual and said, "You're fixed up! Crystal knew exactly the girl you'd like!"
"I don't even know Crystal." I said.
"She knows who YOU are!"
"She does? Why?"
"Dude! You're oblivious to your looks aren't you?"
"I got a mirror!" I said.
"Well, the girls think you're hot!" He said. I blushed and smiled. "I see why! You're damned cute!"
Did he actually call me cute?
"Yeah, I knew you'd come around eventually!" I said and winked at him.
"What? Oh! Haha. HAHAHA! You got me with THAT one! So I'll pick you up at 7:00, and then we'll go get the girls."
I wore gray pants with suspenders and a white tux shirt with a gray bow tie. It was only semi-formal, but I had it so I wore it. I had my longish hair slicked back and gelled to stay that way. I shaved twice -- once with the electric shaver and then again in the shower with a razor.
When he got to my house, I stepped out and he gasped. "Omigosh, Kyle! You look fantastic!"
Did he actually tell me I looked fantastic?
"Thanks! You look pretty good yourself!, Cutie Pie! Wanna skip the girls and just go together?" I joked, but looked him deeply in his eyes. "Maybe we can just skip the dance part, DO NOT PASS GO ... DO NOT COLLECT $200 DOLLARS ...and go straight to ... bed!
He stopped cold for a moment as he digested what I said. He tore his eyes away from mine and again laughed. "If I wasn't straight -- I might have taken you up on that! But ... you don't look THAT good!"
We picked up the girls and went to the dance. Afterward, they asked for volunteers to put chairs and tables away. And the girls wanted to help, so we did. Then we went to Denny's for a "fourth meal". By the time we dropped off both girls it was two-thirty. He drove me home and then turned off the motor and lights.
"Dude! I gotta just sit here a minute and rest my eyes. See you tomorrow morning?"
"Um -- why don't you just come in and crash here?" I said. I wasn't so worried on my own turf. At least I knew there was an extra bed. I couldn't have been sure of that at his house.
He pulled out his blackberry and texted something. He smiled and said, "If Mom wakes up and noticed me gone, she'll check for messages first."
He followed me into the house.
Notes: Here we go again. You'll just have to be in free fall on this one ... and trust that I will take it where you want to go. Comments are welcome to: Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com . Thanks and love, Steve