Excerpt from Hank's journal -- the Saturday before Christmas.
So Kyle and Mark are over on the bed getting to know each other. Kyle thinks I'm over here doing homework. HA! There's no fucking way I could do that with this XXX porn show going on over on the bed! So I'm writing in this journal instead. Besides, Kyle's always writing in his.
I had to laugh tonight at Kyle. He is such a good kid and he has made so much progress. I was already pretty sure that it was him that did the shaving cream trick on Frank's room last night. But of course I had to tickle torture him to get him to confess. I know just the ticklish spots on him that make him totally helpless.
Frank was such an ass. Kyle had come up with the photo shoot that he just HAD to do on the roof of the dorm, something with the full moon and silhouettes, or something. He had me up there naked taking pics. Fortunately it was a very mild evening for December.
I love being naked for Kyle and he seems to be getting the hang of it. He had finished shooting and we were beginning to get all hot and heavy when Frank butts in. Seems we violated one of his rules or something and he was going to punish us.
Well, I can see right through his intentions and came out and asked him if he wanted us to blow him or he wanted to fuck us. That didn't go over well with his whole control thing. So he decided to spank us and see us naked.
So Kyle -- sweet, innocent Kyle -- got up after we went to bed, snuck down to Frank's room with a couple of soda cups and his shaving cream. He managed to splatter shaving cream all over the inside of Frank's room. You could hear Frank in the next county when he discovered it. Kyle tried not to admit it, but he had a devilish grin on his face, that is not typical of Kyle. It was a dead giveaway. No wonder he sucks at poker.
So Frank cons us into some macho competition. I wasn't sure what it was going to be, but figured we could outwit, outlast and outplay Frank and come out survivors! Ha!
Kyle is becoming more adventuresome on his own. The other night, he stripped in the library and came over and bopped me with his dick! The guy has balls! (and nice ones at that!). He sat there naked in the library studying with me. The little devil was making me all kinds of horny. This is something my brothers would do.
He even walked to the men's room naked, went into the handicap stall, got down on the floor and waited for me with his cheeks spread. Man, seeing him like that was just too much. The little squirt is getting way too cocky. But I love him for it. He is really coming out of his shell.
Marshall advised that I keep an eye on him, not push him to do anything too extreme and hold off on the dares a bit, until Kyle gets his feet under him. Marshall also expressed concern about Kyle's hang ups with the guys from high school. I guess they have had a huge impact of his self esteem. Marshall couldn't tell me anything specific, he just said to keep an eye for any more indications of nightmares or anxiety attacks about them.
The only thing I have heard from Kyle about them was that he mentioned something about getting even with them while he was home at Christmas. I hope the little guy isn't setting himself up for failure. But I am confident that he can overcome this thing he has about these guys. Me, I would just tell them to fuck off and go play with themselves while they fantasized about losing their virginity someday.
Kyle seems to think that the world begins and ends with me. As much as I care about him, I worry sometimes if I can live up to the big brother image he has of me. I have only been a younger brother, never an older one. Yeah, I have seen how much my brothers take care of me. Yeah and razz me! But I never did it before for someone else.
Now he depends on me to point out the correct way, guide him, teach him, look out for him, and be there when he needs me. And yeah, I am a pretty confident guy, but man, he puts a lot of pressure on me.
It started out with the fitness stuff and he is really surprising himself with the progress he is making. He is filling out nicely; getting some definition to his body (hot body!) and strength. The kid can walk on his hands now!
Speaking of hot body, Kyle just doesn't see himself as being hot. First he came across as this shy, innocent, eager, little naïve guy from Smalltown, USA. And that innocence and his boyish looks just melted me. Now as he improves on himself, he just gets hotter and hotter. I want to spend a week in bed with him sharing spit and sex as often as possible!
But he finds it difficult to take compliments. I am hoping that his family will see the difference in him and heap on the compliments as well. Not that it won't make Kyle blush, but he deserves it.
Yeah, his family. That's another thing. Kyle's mom is a riot. And I can just see her doing the whole, "Have you heard about our son, John," thing that we saw. She so dotes over him and thinks the stars of him. And my mom really likes her. The whole mom-to-mom thing. That's a good sign.
But I am wondering about meeting the rest of the family. I mean, do I hold Kyle's hand or is that going to send some whacked-out homo signal to his uncles? Will that only make them hate Kyle? Or would they accept Kyle's being gay? I need to check with Kyle on that. And maybe Marshall too, if I get a chance.
And then there is cousin Harold. Man, that sucks that he tried to commit suicide. And I have to ask Kyle about him. I mean is he one of those flaming guys like Jim or is he the run of the mill gay jock, or gay nerd or what?
How do I act around him? I have never been around someone who tried to end their life. Can I joke around him -- "Can I cut your meat for you. I hear they won't let you near knives." That would be the smart ass me. Fuck, I don't know! Maybe, I should ask Bill or one of my brothers. They can probably give me advice.
Ha! They will probably tell me to let him have his way with me, to make him feel better about himself.
Nope, I probably have to be careful about that. Kyle is all about exclusivity. Exclusively us. That is unless Sir Everhard pops up and then he needs his fix right away. It is cute to see Kyle fight with the little head.
Me, I am so used to my brothers and free-for-all sex that this is pretty unique for me. I want to be with Kyle and it is not like I WANT anyone else or NEED anyone else, but I don't mind if he explores and learns.
One of the things we talked about at the very beginning was that he needs to learn, to explore, and to find out all the nooks and crannies of his sexual being. He laughs when I talk that way. I think some of Thomas' art projects have really stretched his envelope of possibilities and experiences.
Fuck! I can't believe he performed at that art show with me. That was so hot, having sex with Kyle while all those people watched! It was like the ultimate exhibitionist fantasy! Fuck! I am getting horny just thinking about it!
And the wide variety of guys that Thomas gets for his sessions. From the perpetual bottom, Jimmy, to the quiet and reserved manly man, Mikail; what a wild bunch.
And that horny frat guy that Kyle met. Or what about Blake? He was really trying to make the moves on Kyle. I think he wanted to take Kyle away from me. I'm sure he was one of the contributing factors to Kyle's melt down in the theatre. And that scared the living crap out of me.
That's the bad side of experimenting. I don't want Kyle to get hurt. Like the guys that raped Jimmy. I want Kyle's limits stretched, but I don't want them torn. I think it makes him a more knowledgeable, passionate partner and lover to have tried so many things. But I don't think I've ever been as scared as when Kyle disappeared after being with Blake. Then Blake comes over looking for him, and he doesn't answer his phone for either of us. So I call my brother Bill in a panic. Then Kyle gets brought home by a policeman! Kyle doesn't know how Bill read me the riot act after that whole episode.
So, sure I want to teach Kyle things, but I think there are things he can teach me. I mean that whole exploration thing he has come up with is so cute. And it means so much to him. He really gets into it. I must admit that exploring his body and watching his reactions WAS very informative. And he has such a sexy body.
But he's also ... well, he's Kyle. He's the first person I ever told I was gay. He makes me want to hold his hand when we're out walking.
And he calls me the stud? Has he looked in the mirror? Have I said he is one hot dude?
He was so cute with Mark in the library. Almost if he was saying no to Mark, but at the same time asking my permission.
He is so funny sometimes and so dense. Like the guy that wanted help with his project. Yeah, right. Read, I want to hump your bones!
Mark was practically drooling with lust for Kyle's body, not that I blame him. So tonight, the two of them on the bed have gotten to be quite erotic. So when I finish up here, I will get some pictures of them. I think Kyle might use them for some of his work.
It is so cute how his butt sticks up in the air while he has his nose buried in Mark's armpit. I can see his cute little rosebud winking at me! I can't tell you how tempting it is, but I don't want to interrupt them.
And at least he is not the fuck freak that Jimmy is. That guy can't get enough of it. He is getting quite the reputation as well. Jared seems to think of him as a cute sidekick. I haven't had a chance to talk to Jared about Jimmy and what he feels, if anything, about Jimmy. Jimmy says that Jared loves to use his ass whenever he can.
Kyle is tonguing Mark's nipple now. Kyle's chest is developing nicely with his pecs setting off his nipples so nicely. Man, he makes me hot!
So are we going to sleep in the same room at Kyle's mom's place, or is she going to expect us to sleep in separate beds. I see a mental picture of Kyle's room with two twin beds, with Star Wars sheets and bedspreads, a clown lamp sitting on a table between them. And a pile of cum filled Kleenex under the bed. Scratch that. Kyle wouldn't leave any evidence of that. He was too scared of being discovered. He probably had a sock or wash cloth or something.
But I can see him lying in bed, with the bedspread tented over his dick as he fantasized about some guy he saw in the locker rooms that day. But he was probably saying to himself that he was thinking of the guy fucking some girl when he was probably totally focused on the guy's body and the guy's ass bobbing in the air.
I have to stop that day dream. I am getting too horny here! Kyle would love to see that. Me getting hard because of a day dream.
It is so cute how Kyle pops boners at the drop of a hat. Although he has gotten much better about that. I think his photo modeling has really helped him get a grip on his sprouting nature. And running around our room naked is making him more comfortable about nudity.
It was so funny seeing him strip out of habit when Mark was in the room and then wondering if it was okay with Mark.
And he certainly proved that during Frank's inane Macho Man contest. Now I have nothing against perversions as long as they don't hurt anyone, but Frank is a bit on the wild perverted side.
I mean, he created this whole scenario, so he could have this homo-erotic show to humiliate and expose guys in our dorm.
He had this whole pissing contest setup, where guys were attached by a bungee to one wall and had to stretch it out to the other wall and then piss in a glass. Frank set up these dumb-ass partitions supposedly for the modesty of the players, but the bungee cords kept pulling Todd away from the panels where his dribbling dick would be on display.
And then he had the whole piss drinking thing. I think Frank is secretly a piss queen as well. I think he wanted to be the one covered in piss. Not that I don't know a thing or two about piss. My brothers used piss like bubble bath when I was growing up.
With five older brothers, piss was never in short supply. They thought it was funny to "mark" things with their piss, or have pissing contests, or to piss in someone's water bottle. Kyle was so piss shy when we first met, he would have never made it with my brothers. They would have kidded him mercilessly about it. Good thing we worked on that from the beginning, so he was ready for them.
But Frank, I think he keeps his kinks firmly locked up (so he thinks), and tries to get others to fulfill his fantasies. He lives vicariously through them. Although, I wouldn't put it past Frank to have blackmailed some poor freshman shmuck into being his sex slave.
And all of his playing with our briefs during the contest, either in person or via some remote volunteer. Pulling down our briefs, exposing us, feeling us up; it was all in an effort to humiliate us and see whom he could get to sprout a boner. Billy seemed so sauced by the end, running around showing any one that would look his tool. And maybe he even showed people who didn't want to see.
Yeah, and that whole bull semen thing. I saw through that when he started talking about it. Another advantage to a wild bunch of brothers and a wild bunch of jock friends. Lining a jock with Ben Gay was a very popular gag. I think every member of the football team had it done to them at least once.
It burns like a mother fucker, but does very little damage. The key is to just be cool and let it do its thing and then it is over. Unless a fucker like Frank comes by and pats your balls to reactivate it or even applies more. Sadistic bastard!
But I think Kyle and I spoiled his whole contest and his control by making the tie and getting the crowd on our side. I wondered about this dinner he had planned and whom he expected to be the main course.
He had to do some fast shuffling to get out from under that crowd's demands. Our laundry done for a month by the losers? Evan was a sneaky bastard, stealing another guy's piss to fill his glass. I bet he pisses in our rinse water in the laundry, so all our clothes smell like piss.
LOL, I remember the time Bill did that do our older brothers. All of their undershirts smelled of piss! They took Bill out to the back yard, fully dressed and drenched him in their piss. They made him stay that way and dry off. Mom and dad let him change before dinner. But I think secretly my dad was laughing his ass off.
Or short sheet our bed or something. Beds. Yeah, it was pretty cool now that we had made one big bed in our room. We got occasional strange looks from guys who saw the arrangement, but fuck `em if they can't get past their homophobia. It is so nice to be able to snuggle up next to Kyle's warm body. He smells so great! I love burying my nose in his neck and going to sleep with the air redolent of Kyle.
Speaking of sniffing, Kyle is now sniffing Mark's ass. Kyle is all about getting to the essence of a guy. Our first exploration time together I was amazed at the amount of time that Kyle spent on the process. I mean, I spent a considerable time exploring him, but he really seemed to be into getting ALL of me. He is just so cute and so hot! Man, I love him.
Yeah, love, that was difficult. It is so easy to say, "I love you," it just becomes a habit, like "good morning," or "how are you?" without waiting for a response or even really meaning it.
But with Kyle it was different. I could see the emotion in him when he said it and knew that he had thrown his whole self into the statement. And it was something I never want to betray. I feel the same way. I want it to just be us in this life together.
So if he wants exclusivity, that's fine with me. If he wants to explore some more, that's great, too. If he wants to do wild dares, then I will provide the dares.
Kyle doesn't know this but one time I kept the cum-stained briefs he thought he was selling on the internet. I just put the money in his account. They're hidden in the back of my closet, where I can get them out when I'm alone and need a "Kyle fix."
And speaking of selling stuff, I had no idea how tight money was for him when we first met and I was betting him he wouldn't do something or would do something. He earnestly tried to win, so he wouldn't have to pay up. But I was picking bets that I was certain I could win. But darn he tried so hard and was so naïve and so innocent about so many things.
And now, he likes dares and even comes up with his own now and then, like having me strip in the library and study. Not that it bothered me in any way, I think I could live naked, but to see him put it out there was fun.
Even on our runs, it still amazes me that the little guy will run on the trail naked. I think soon he will be almost as comfortable as my brothers and I are about nudity. He certainly didn't bone up when Frank pulled our briefs all the way down in front of the crowd in the common room.
And so much for Frank's wet briefs contest. What a farce that was! He had already had ever contestant exposing their junk in front of everyone -- what was a wet brief contest going to prove differently.
Now, not that I should bash Frank too much. Maybe, he just can't face who he is, or maybe he has no other outlet or something. Maybe Kyle should mention him to Marshall, maybe some time with Frank and Marshall would do Frank some good.
I remember Phil and how wonderful Kyle was with him and how grateful Phil was for an opportunity to express his sexuality with men. He was great to play along with my joke, but even more so when he had the opportunity to play with us. Damn, I want to feel sorry for him. I wish I could put myself in his shoes to see why he can't make a different choice now. Maybe I would understand his hesitancy.
Jokes, I wonder what kind of pay back Kyle is planning on these high school punks. He says he has an idea. He stole an out of order sign from one of the showers the other day. When I asked him what it was for, he just said that I would see.
I hope he doesn't get all tangled up with these guys and they push his buttons and make him have another melt down of some kind, but he seems pretty set on getting back at them. He has some part for me to play. I wonder if I am supposed to be the big brother and bail him out if things go wrong, or what.
That's a big responsibility and I hope that I continue to be up to the job. He puts a lot of trust in me that I will be there for him. And that's new for me. Yeah, I tend to be the go getter and terribly independent, but to be someone's protector, constantly, is a new role.
I mean, I came to school, all set on my high horse to be some no-bull-shit-don't-get-in-my-way-play-by-my-rules kind of guy. Look at that bossy note I left Kyle. That was pretty arrogant of me. I first thought that my roommate (sight unseen) was going to be some nerdy Nintendo geek and I wasn't going to put up with anyone infringing on my independence.
Living with my brothers was great, but I looked forward (I thought) to being out from under their constant observation, protection and rules. I was going to do it my way. Fuck, Kyle sure did change that right away.
From letting me pick out his clothes to picking out his food. He made me feel like the big brother from the beginning and then adding in the burden of being his sex educator, that was a big role to play.
But I love the little guy. I say that often -- little guy, or kid, but he is my age and almost my size and getting more fit and stronger all the time. But I have so gotten to thinking of him as a little brother (but not in an incestuous way), that I keep seeing him that way.
And I have to break that thought process. He is my partner, lover and sharer of my life. I can't always be thinking of him as "little" or "brother", but instead of friend and companion.
I love him for him and not because he is dependent on me. I mean, it isn't because of that, that I do the things that I do for him. Is it? No, it is because he means something to me.
He's such a doll. I'd like to put a 4-story high picture of him on the side of the dorm with a big sign that says "eat your heart out, everyone else." He would never believe it of course -- he still argues with me when I tell him he's hot.
Now I can't imagine life at school without him. And now that he has been so accepted by my family, I am excited to share him with more people and let them see what a great person he is.
It was one of the biggest moments of my life at Thanksgiving when I went to my dad and asked him how you really know if you love someone. He did his typical "dad" thing and said, "Well, what do you think?" I mean, my dad is pretty easy going and easy to talk to. He has always let me and my brothers learn about life, and he's pretty patient with us -- at least until he's getting a phone call from the emergency room, or Central Booking.
But I was petrified this time, and I think I caught my dad off guard. I mean, he knew that Kyle and I were getting on well as roommates and were having the typical adventures that I had grown up with in this family with all my older brothers. Bill had given him kind of a report from his visit to the school (leaving out a few details, I'm sure!), and the rest of my brothers knew about us too. But I think I really surprised him when I said how serious I was about Kyle.
I told him how I felt about Kyle. How I couldn't stop thinking about him and wanting to love him and protect him and teach him and do stuff with him. How I thought we would be together for the rest of our lives. Then I just lost it. I don't know who cried more -- him or me! He held me, and I bawled on his shoulder like a six year old. He asked me a lot of "are you sure" questions, but I could tell he was just as pleased as I was. I am so lucky to have such a supportive family. Even if they bust my ass sometimes! And I couldn't believe my dad taking Kyle aside and wondering about his "intentions" with me. So corny!
And my brothers -- oh my god! Each one of them came up to me and told me how much they adored my boyfriend! I think even my straight brothers are jealous. Well, fuck them -- he's mine. I'll share him, of course, 'cause that's what we do among us brothers. As long as Kyle is OK with it.
Which brings me back to his family (man, I am just doing stream of thought, here) how will they accept this "homo" friend of "poor" Kyle. Will they think I am taking advantage of his vulnerability? Will they think I am some pervert pedophile looking to bend his young mind to my ways? Will they think I am an agent of the devil luring poor innocent Kyle into a life of damnation?
LOL, I see me in red tights with a pitchfork pushing Kyle towards a door marked "Lust". The image makes me laugh, but his family and their religiosity makes me worried. I haven't dealt up close and personal with people who can't accept people for whom they are.
I have to find out more about these people on our drive to Kyle's house. I am thinking that Kyle should prepare a nice album of some of the tamer photos of himself to give to his mother. I know he will blush, but he is getting positively gorgeous.
I can see giving my folks an album of nudes and possibly more of Kyle and me. Mom would smile and Dad would give me a thumbs up and my brothers would razz me to no end for being a cover girl or something.
Kyle is all hung up on Japanese shit these days, so I got him something for Christmas that I hope he will like. I thought about a ring, but thought he might think that was cheesy or something. But I wanted him wearing something that sort of signified that we are together and how I feel about him. I hope he likes it.
I also managed to gather several photos of him from the photo students. Jim helped me out with that. He sent me some great photos of Kyle. I put them together in this album and want to give it to him privately. He can't not believe how hot he is after looking at these pics. I want him to see himself as others see him. Fuck, I'd like the album myself. He really needs to see himself as others see him and not this perception he has of how others see him. Some of the pictures are so hot. There is one of him covered with a white silk sheet done in black and white and you can see his hard rod outlined by the sheet. Man, is he hot! I don't think he would want his mother seeing that!
Maybe I can get Kyle to be a little less inhibited at his home. Like walking around in his underwear or something or maybe going from his room to the shower naked. That would be funny. I can see the expression on his face, if his mom came out of her room as he was going to the shower, seeing him naked. She would give that prim little smile of hers and he would blush beet red afraid of Sir Everhard popping up. I can just see it!
Okay, well, I have to go. I want to get some shots of the two of them. Kyle is now working on Mark's dick and I want to see where it goes from here. Kyle is becoming lost in his "fog of lust" and I know I can take the pictures without him realizing it.
He gets so enthralled (is that the word I want?) with sex that when he gets in tune with it, nothing else matters. I swear he could have sex with me in the common room with 30 or 40 people standing around and he would never see them once he entered that "fog."
I have to be careful and not get him into a situation where he might get hurt emotionally by being lost in lust. Someone that shouldn't see him or see something they shouldn't and he wouldn't realize it. Marshall even warned me about looking for signs of another meltdown, or even suicidal thinking. No way I'm going to let that happen!
Okay, I have to get some pictures of these guys! It is amazing. And Kyle is just so damn cute!
More later!
Thanks to all who write with comments and suggestions -- always appreciated. harryrod575@yahoo.com
More of my stories can be found on the Author's Page under H for harry rod.
Have fun!
harry