We agreed to meet in our room and then head out for dinner tonight. I again wondered what Hank had on his mind.
Once we were away and walking to class, I asked him about it.
"I think Drew is head over heals over Will, and I think we should provide the opportunity for them to see where it goes. I don't think Will would be averse to experimenting."
"Matchmaker!" I said,
"Asshole!" he said.
"Fuckhead!" I countered, and wondered what Hank had in mind, and how this was going to play out? I mentally shook my head and thought that Drew's life was about to change. But was it for the good or for the bad?
I was amazed when lunch time rolled around, because I was really concentrating on school now. Yes, I had the stray thought of Hank popping in my head, but I was able to smile and get back to what was being said.
I had lunch, eating what I thought Hank would choose for me. Then I sat down and pulled out one of my books, reading through a couple of chapters while I ate. I concentrated on eating slowly, as well, because that's what Hank would want.
I stopped by before my appointment with Marshall. He asked me about what was going on, and I was fairly bubbling with information. I told him about Drew and Will, and he said, "College is a time of exploration. It's ok; young folks should experiment in order to figure out themselves."
"So you think it's good that Hank seems to be pushing Drew into trying this out, or experimenting with his roommate?" I asked.
He laughed and said, "Well, that's up to Drew and Will, but I don't think either one should be discouraged from trying something new."
"But what if Drew is gay and comes out to Will and Will is turned off by it?"
Again he laughed, "Well, there is no way to judge Will's reactions until you hear it. But I do think that Drew needs to be true to himself and not run his life by living it the way he thinks people thinks he should."
I thought about that for a minute. "Will doesn't seem to have anything against Hank and I being gay. He even asked if we got hassled by other people." I thought about all the comments he had made. "He even seemed interested in some of the things, like the shaving."
Marshall nodded his head. He wasn't going to commit to whether he though Will was gay, bi, or straight. He just encouraged me to be myself, but not to rub people's faces in our lifestyle.
"So does that mean that Hank and I shouldn't kiss in public?" I asked, concerned.
"No, I am not saying that, but I wouldn't that suggest you go into a conservative church and kiss while everyone is watching. But mostly, I am saying don't drop in the middle of the quad and start sucking Hank." He laughed, as I think he got a mental image of that.
We talked on a bit more about my family, my classes, and what I was feeling. I felt very comfortable talking with Marshall. I knew he was gay, but it never came out in his comments or suggestions.
I had thought, when I first came here, that he was going to try and seduce me on his couch. He exuded masculinity, and it was probably my reaction to him. He was sincere and honest in everything he said.
That really hit me! I knew I needed to adopt this attitude even more in my discussions with others. I was still thinking about what the other person would think about what I said. Would I phrase it correctly? Would it come across correctly?
I shared that with Marshall and he responded, "That is basically correct, but don't be so honest that you are hurting someone. Such as, `That color looks hideous on you. Why would you wear something like that?' It also depends on the way it is stated."
He smiled, remembering something. "I worked with this one woman that would ask questions like `You weren't the one that did this and messed up everything, were you?' Of course, the answer you always wanted to give was 'no', regardless if you did or not. Because if you answer 'yes', you are saying you are an idiot."
I understood what he was saying. "Sort of like the old question, `Are you still beating your kids?' It implies you have been beating your kids and the person is asking if you still are. There is no correct answer if you have never beaten your kids."
He laughed, and agreed. We talked a bit more, and I was very relaxed by the time I left.
I went off to class and, again, was able to concentrate on the class. I did see on guy on the way out of class who was wearing his shorts low on his hips, and his t-shirt didn't quite meet the top of his shorts, so his crack was showing. And I was fascinated by the amount of hair sprouting from his crack. It made me wonder how hairy he was.
But I didn't get fixated on him.; I just went off to my next class. By the end of the day, I was very comfortable with myself, and was feeling good about life.
Back in the room, I stripped out of my clothes and hung them up. Hank came in shortly afterwards, and got out of his clothes. I drank in his nakedness; he was so great to look at. He saw my glances, and smiled.
"I want to show Will and Drew a selection of our photos. I want some plain vanilla' pics, and then a couple of action' shots. What do you think?" he asked.
I thought about what Marshall had said and what I would want others to see. "Let's see what you come up with," I said, reserving judgment.
Hank went through some pics and selected several art shots of the two of us, all naked, but we were soft where our cocks were showing. I thought that was a good selection.
He started picking out others, and I nixed in some of the pics of me sucking, or getting fucked. I okayed some pics of me hard in some outdoor locations and in the changing room. Hank put in one of him fucking someone; you couldn't see who. I think it was Jimmy.
"Put in some of the pics of Jimmy doing outrageous things," I suggested. He had a couple of shots of him using a dildo on himself and jerking off outside. I picked two of these. I thought they might be pushing the envelope a bit, and I was somewhat afraid of scaring off Drew or Will with them.
Then Hank found some shots of us at the lake, mostly of us naked on the rocks or standing in the lake. I okayed all of those.
When I told Hank of my concerns, he said, "I'll put the racier ones at the end and explain what is coming, before starting, and ask them if they want to continue. How's that?" he asked, reaching over and giving my dick a tweak.
"Asshole!" I said, moving away from his hand.
He reached over and encircled my dick with his hand. "You know you want it!" he said, giving my dick a squeeze. I moaned.
I let him fondle me, and my dick began to fill. This is so wonderful, I thought. Man, I was lucky!
Just as I was sighing and getting ready to let Hank have his way with me, there was a knock at the door. Hank got up, smiling at me, and opened the door. It was good that I was just heavy and not hard.
As it was, Drew's mouth dropped open when he saw us naked. Will said, "Did we interrupt anything?"
"No," Hank said, "we just like to be without clothes in our room. It just seems comfortable." He saw Drew's expression. "It is the way I was raised. My brothers and I rarely wore clothes around the house, so this is pretty normal for me."
Hank looked at me and said, "And Kyle really likes looking at me naked!" I blushed, but laughed at his teasing.
"Do we have to take off our clothes, too?" Drew asked nervously.
"Not if you don't want to," Hank said.
Drew seemed relieved ,until Will pulled off his t-shirt. "At least I can make them less uncomfortable by taking off most of my clothes." He stripped down to just his boxers. The fly gapped open, so he might as well have been naked.
Drew looked exasperated, but stripped down to his tightie whities and kept his hands over his lap.
"You guys seemed interested in the photo work we have done, so I put together a little slide show of some of our shots," Hank said. He had them sit in front of the desk, and we sat on the bed, once he started the show. Each shot stayed on the screen for about 5 to 10 seconds.
Will commented on the lighting, or the posing every now and then. I looked at Drew; he was staring wide-eyed at the pictures. I saw his eyes flickering all over the images. Every time one came up of a frontal nude, he seemed even more mesmerized.
"So this is sort of what we are going to be doing tomorrow night, except with a group of about 10 guys." Hank said. I saw Drew swallow. I knew where he was coming from.
"Who all have you got lined up for the shoot?" Will asked.
"Some guys from the dorms, a couple of guys from the photo classes, and a guy that I met in class who looked like he would be a good model for the photographer," Hank said.
Hank saw the quizzical look on my face. "His name is Reggie; he is in my literature class," answering my unasked question, as if that told me everything.
"Should be fun!" Will said. I knew he was the type of guy that would strip naked and be proud to show off his body. It was Drew that I was worried about.
When we reached the end of the R rated pics, Hank said, "We have some additional pics, if you would like to see them, but these are a bit racier." He paused, and looked from Will to Drew.
Will shrugged his shoulders. "Fine by me. I am always ready for anything that has to do with sex." Drew seemed startled by that answer, but didn't want to disagree with Will.
So Hank started up the slide show again. First, there were the shots of us at the lake, lying around naked, and then with hard ons.
Will's facial expressions didn't change. I mean, he didn't frown or look scornful at all.
Then there were the shots of me naked and hard in various locations, including the changing room at the local store. Then the one of Jimmy using his dildo, with a huge smile on his face. Will chuckled at that one.
I looked at Drew; he was mesmerized by the pictures. I looked down and saw that he was covering a growing bulge in his briefs. I also thought that I detected one finger rubbing up and down on what was underneath.
He saw me looking, blushed, and moved his hands to cross his forearms over his crotch.
Then we got on to the sucking pictures. Will surprised me by saying, "Only a guy can give a decent blow job. They just know what is going to feel good." Drew's mouth again dropped into an "O" at that comment.
Hank said, "Have you ever given one?"
Will laughed and said, "No, but I guess it is only because I never had the opportunity to try."
He looked at me and saw the look on my face. "I have only been blown at a glory hole. Once I shot, the guy bolted, so there was no chance for me to give it a try." He laughed and rubbed his crotch. "I went back there a couple of times and always got a great blow job, but never had an opportunity to try it."
I had been watching Drew through all of this, and saw the disbelief on his face.
Then came the fucking shots. These are the ones I was worried about. But Will seemed enthralled by all of it. "Wow, what's it like, fucking a guy?" he asked, studying the pictures.
"Tighter than anything you can imagine," Hank said, smiling at me. I blushed, and Drew caught the interplay between us.
Will was obviously interested, because he turned to me and said, "And have you..." and he trailed off and blushed just a bit. I was surprised.
"Yes, both giving and receiving, as has Hank," not letting Hank get by without accepting both roles.
"Wow! I mean, I don't know what to say. I never imagined either, frankly, but you guys make it sound, ah, interesting."
Hank laughed and said, "Well, it is more than interesting!" He turned off the slide show and continued talking. "Will, it wasn't our intent to embarrass you, or you Drew," he said, looking at Drew.
"We just wanted to first share some of the photographic work we've done and then, well, show you how we, ah, interact as a couple." He smiled and added, "I mean straight guys always want to know how it works, if they have the courage to ask. So I just thought I would put it out there in case you wanted to know."
It sounded a bit lame to me! Will shook his head and looked at Drew. "What do you think, roomie? Anything there you want to try?"
Drew blushed deep red and just stuttered and stammered. I think Will wanted to let Drew save a little face, so he said, "I'll have to think about that myself," he said, adjusting the front of his boxers; not that his growing state wasn't noticeable.
Hank slapped him on the shoulder. "Well, anytime you have questions, or maybe want to give something a try, you just drop by. If we aren't available, I know plenty of guys that would be willing to try anything with you."
"Really?" Will asked incredulously.
Drew had the big "O" again.
"How about some dinner and we can talk on the way, if you want, or over dinner." Hank stood up, and I could see he had filled up some, but not rigid by any means.
Will, on the other hand, had his dick sticking out the fly of his boxers. He pushed it down and let it snap back. "You have kind of got my wind up," he said, looking at his crotch.
"Do you want to take care of that?" Hank asked him innocently. not saying `do you want 'me' to take care of that for you,' for which I was grateful.
Will laughed and blushed a bit. "Ah, no, not at this moment, but you certainly have given me plenty to think about."
Drew stood up, unsuccessfully hiding his stiff rod with his hands. "Um, me, too," he said, and reached over to grab his shorts. He pulled them on and arranged his cock so it tented his pants the least amount.
Will's cock bent to the left as it stuck out of his boxers. He wasn't ashamed by it at all. In fact, he pulled his boxers down below it, waggling it back and forth before pulling up his boxers. "That interest either of you?" He smiled, and then his ears turned red.
"Let's ask that question again after dinner," Hank said. I pushed him on the shoulder.
We got dressed in shorts and t-shirts, and headed down to the car. I sat in the back with Drew. He was very quiet and withdrawn, so I kept trying to engage him in a dialogue, but wasn't having much success. Will and Hank were talking away about sports and sports shows.
At the restaurant, we were seated at two tables of two next to each other. I sat across from Drew, next to Hank, and Will was across from Hank.
After we ordered, I finally got Drew talking about music . But he was still withdrawn. He got up to go to the bathroom, and I followed him. Before he got there, I touched his shoulder and asked, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he said, and went into the men's room. He stood at one urinal and I stood at the other. He stuck his whole crotch into the urinal, so I wouldn't be able to see anything, not that I could have seen much, with the small partition between us.
I, having now been trained by Hank, wasn't piss shy, so just stood back and let fly.
When Drew was done, he flipped his dick a couple of times, and stuck it back into his jeans.
While he was washing his hands, I finished up, shook the last drops off, put it back, zipped up, and stood next to him at the sink. I thought he looked like he was getting emotional, and his eyes were welling up.
"What's wrong?" I asked, very concerned.
"Nothing," he said. He grabbed a paper towel and wiped his face. "Everything."
Outside the bathroom, I said, "Let's go outside for a minute."
He didn't look like he was willing, but finally nodded and followed me outside. It was a great night—warm and comfortable. I sat down on the bench and indicated that he should sit next to me.
He sat down, but rested his chin on his balled up fists.
"Did Hank or I say something to upset you?" I asked gently.
He shook his head.
"Did the pics bother you?" I asked, trying to discover the source of the problem.
He shook his head, but then nodded. I waited, hoping he would elaborate.
Finally, he got something out. "Look, I am straight. I have to be straight. And looking at those pictures was bad. It's a sin."
Whoa, he was hitting me with the hard stuff., but I caught one thing, "What do you mean `you have to be straight'?"
He was crying now, but not sobbing, just tears streaming down his face. He quietly said, "My church, my parents, my family, my friends—all talk about how terrible gays are and that they are going to go to hell. And about how could any person or parent tolerate having a homo as a friend or son."
He was quiet for a bit, so I said, "And?"
"And I am going to go to hell," he said, and really lost it.
"Okay, I don't know about that, but explain it to me a bit more."
"I mean, I know I shouldn't; I know it is bad and all, but those pictures, and thoughts like those pictures, keep popping up in my head, and they have an effect on me."
"You get an erection?" I said gently. I reached up to put my hand on his shoulder and he shrugged it off. I pulled my hand back, and didn't try that again.
He nodded. "I know it is evil."
"Drew, I can't answer your religious concerns. But I know a great guy on campus that you can talk to. He is a counselor and you can talk to him about anything. I'll give you his number when we get back to the dorms."
He was nodding, "But the one thing I can tell you is that I fought some similar demons when I first met Hank, and he helped me realize a lot about myself. This is what I am; I can't change it, and I can't deny it. And I think God made me this way; so it has to be okay."
He shrugged his shoulders. "Would you feel more comfortable if we cut out the sex talk while you are around?" I asked.
He nodded, then shook his head. "I don't know," he said, and then muttered, "I think I want to know more about it, but I shouldn't want to know more about it."
I thought of something else, "And you have these weird feelings about Will?"
He nodded, squeezing his eyes closed tightly, and more tears leaked out.
"I thought so," I said. I tried to put my hand on his shoulder again, and this time he didn't twist away; just tightened up.
"Hey, I thought I saw something like that. And I can't tell you how to feel or anything, but I felt something similar with Hank. I idolized him; I looked up to him; I wanted to be like him; I wanted him to tell me what to do. And most of all, I wanted to do things with him."
I paused, letting that sink in. "And I thought he would kill me if he knew. But he was so sexually open and free about everything, I was so sure he would condemn me if I said anything about how I felt."
I looked over to see his reaction, but he still had his head on his fists, with his eyes tightly squeezed closed. "Turns out he had a gay brother, and his family was super accepting. And, well, it turns out that we both came out to each other at the same time."
I went on, "But I had to tell him. I couldn't lie to myself or him. I knew I had to tell him how I felt ,and that I would have to live with the consequences."
I patted his back. "I was sure he was going to punch me or something, and make comments about fags, but he didn't."
He still wasn't moving. "I mean, he had played around with me sexually, jerking off, sucking and such, but it seemed like it was all part of normal guy stuff. At least he always made it sound like every other guy played around and it didn't necessarily make them gay."
I heard a muffled comment from Drew. "Do all guys fool around with other guys? I mean, circle jerks and those kinds of things?"
"I must have lived a pretty sheltered life, because that never happened to me, or if it did, it ended up with me being humiliated or the butt of some joke." I thought for a second, "But from what Hank tells me, and many of the other guys I have met since coming to college, it does seem to be a common thing. And my counselor told me that as well."
"Really," he asked, looking up at me. He wiped his face.
Just then Hank came out. "There you guys are! The food's here and we wondered if you guys got stuck in the men's room or something." He was wearing that Hank smile.
I shook my head to him, so he would get the message, and then said, "Drew and I are talking through a couple of things. Can you give us a couple more minutes? My food is okay until we get back." He looked at me questioningly, and I just motioned him away with my hand.
He got the drift, and headed back into the restaurant.
I thought back to where we had left off. "Really. Seems it is just part of a guy growing up."
"But isn't it a sin?" he asked, as he turned to look at me.
"I can't answer that. That's between you and your God, but for me it was an expression of myself; a learning about myself; finding out how all the parts work." I tried to joke.
He shook his head, and I said, "Drew, this is something you either have to talk about to a counselor, a minister, or pastor—whatever you have, or someone else." I patted his shoulder. "All I can tell you is that it made a huge difference in my life. I have never felt freer and more in control of my life than since Hank started teaching me about my sexuality."
He nodded his head. "I don't know what to think." He sucked up his sniffles and continued, "Yes, you are right. I do think Will is special and, yes, I do want to do things with him, but I am so afraid."
He looked at me. "Well, I'm willing to help you in any way I can." I thought for a minute. "Look this is going to sound stupid, probably, but you let me know what you want Hank and I to do, and we'll follow your lead when you are around. I mean, do you want to watch how Hank and I do things together? Do you want us to get you and Will involved in something, or just Will? Do you want to watch? Do you want to be on the photo shoot tomorrow or not? Just let me know. I don't want to push anything on you."
I thought for a moment, "Because I am sure Hank is cooking up something to really break the ice when we get home. And if you don't want that, then let me know, and I'll get Hank squared away."
"I don't know," Drew said. "I just don't know. Let me think about it over dinner, and I'll let you know."
He stood up, wiped his eyes, and said, "Look, you don't know how helpful this has been. I have never spoken with a gay person before, and you are so different than what I expected, not that I really knew what to expect. And you have given me many things to think about." He patted my shoulder.
I started to say something about me not being a "typical" gay person, but decided not to. Instead I said, "Look, college is supposed to be a place where you can try out things, experiment, find out about yourself, and find out about other people and real life."
He smiled, nodded his head, and we walked back inside. I thought, man, this kid could have his life turned inside out in the next couple of days, or he could continue being the Drew who came to the campus. I didn't know which would be better for him.
Thank you to all who write with comments, suggestions and pics of what you think the boys look like. Harryrod575@yahoo.com. It is always appreciated.
Have fun
Harry