He laughed, and he did the stand up thing from crossed legs without any effort, just straight up. I wasn't as graceful and he grabbed me half way up and pulled me up the rest of the way. He squeezed my hand and then patted my shoulder. "Let's go little brother slash boyfriend slash lover slash exhibitionist slash almost ex-felon. Let's see if we can't get something to stick down your throat!"
I laughed. I loved it when he talked that way! And fuck! he had called me lover and boyfriend! Shit, my emotions were just on a roller coaster these days!
As we walked over to the commons for lunch, I pondered what an idiot I had been. Hank had continually shown he cared for me, maybe not always in the right way. I tried not to dwell on this and the messes I had made. Which reminded me of a lyric, "'People who need people and who are in many ways the luckiest people in the world.'"
Hank stopped, looked at me, thought, and finally said, "Spamalot!" He laughed, and then sang, "'You can succeed on Broadway unless you have Jews!'"
"Damn, I thought I would get you on that one!" I laughed.
"'Lancelot is gay!'" he said, and goosed me. I sputtered.
"Let's get something to eat!" he said. As he opened the door, he pranced in as if he was doing the dance from the show. He never ceased to amaze me!
Inside, he said, "Let's splurge and have some pizza!" He stopped and said, "Is that okay? I don't want to be telling you what to do!"
"Asshole! Fuckhead!" I said, kicking him in the ass.
"I'll take that as a yes on the pizza." He stepped up and ordered. I picked up the utensils and napkins and found us a table. I kept watching him at the counter. I loved the way his ass flexed in his shorts; and his arms, chiseled muscles sticking out of his t-shirt. Damn, he was hot! I still pictured him with the pattern of hair on his body, and had to really look to see that there wasn't that usual pattern on his arms.
After he brought the pizza and I had taken a bite he said, "My brothers would always come up with some contest when we ordered pizza at home that always ended up in everyone jerking off on the last slice of pizza and the loser having to eat it!"
I choked on my second bite, imagining what that would taste like. "What kind of contests?" I asked, before sticking another bite into my mouth.
"All kinds - who could piss the furthest, who could piss the longest, who could make the loudest and longest belch, you know typical high school crap."
"And who usually lost?" I said around a mouthful of BBQ chicken pizza.
"You know, I just realized that Bill seemed to lose a lot!" He smiled and bit into his pizza.
I loved his smile. "'Smile and the whole world smiles with you.'"
"Charlie Chaplin in the 1920's or 30's, then done by all kinds of other people since then, including most recently Barbara Streisand."
"Damn, how do you do that?"
"My Dad has quite an eclectic selection of music and when we went on road trips, he would always plan out playlists and then quiz us on the name of the song and the singer. It was so varied ^Ö world music, folk, rock, alternative, jazz, soundtracks, pop, musicals, old stuff, new stuff. I think the only thing he didn't have much of was heavy metal. One of my brothers is really into it, but whenever it was on, Dad would turn down the sound or change the channel or track." He chewed for a bit.
"He watched VH1 all the time, until he got addicted to his iTunes. He loaded every one of his CD's on to it. And then he just began to add to it. He must have over 5000 songs on it. He would always get the newest iPod and then pass down the old one to the oldest, who would pass his down and so on."
He thought for a minute. "At home there was always music on, sometimes different music in different rooms."
I swallowed and said, "My mom is addicted to TV. She turns it on, first thing in the morning, and falls to sleep with it on. I started listening to music whenever I could, to cover up the sound of the TV. So I found my Dad's old cassettes and records and played them. He had a cool setup. But I managed to get them all transferred to MP3s. I have iTunes as well, but I only have a shuffle, as I couldn't afford to get anything else, and I got that as a gift for my graduation."
I thought for a moment and added, "It only holds about 300 songs, but I have several thousand on my computer, and I just download a random assortment to fill it." I chewed another bite. "I found a great peer to peer site and got lots of songs there, until it fucked up my computer. Then my uncle fixed the computer and put in a virus protection program that won't let me go there or any similar programs."
"Wow, sounds like quite a collection." He thought for a moment, then smiled and said, "And how large is your porn collection?"
I blushed a bit and looked at my plate. "Hey, every guy has one, whether it is girls or guys. These days, you can't help but have one." He thought for a moment before adding, "I got in trouble one time for mine from my Dad. Not because I had one, but because I left a disk around with some on it where anyone could find it.
"He was so cool about it. Said, there was no harm, unless I began to get false expectations of people from them. That wasn't the way people acted in the real world and every person should be treated with respect." He paused again and then added, "I guess I am guilty of trying to live some of those fantasies, and I just realized that some of the stuff I have dared you to do, or ask." He looked at me, smiled, and said, "okay, I told you I was recreating some of those pics and vids." He looked at me. "I am sorry. I guess I didn't listen to my Dad as much as I thought I had."
He put down his half-eaten slice of pizza and said, "He just erased that one disk and told me to keep it to myself. Not to worry over it and not to dwell on it. He knew it was important for young men, I always liked when he called me that, to see and understand the various aspects of sex in all forms. And that sometimes it got rid of the desire for wild and crazy fantasies."
He laughed, took a bite, chewed, and said, "Maybe I should have looked at more porn!"
"Well, you sure have gotten a collection of shots of me and the stuff we have done." I purposely phrased it that way.
"So, back to the question - how large is your porn collection?" He was a persistent devil!
I tried to speak without hesitation and shame. "I guess I had about 300 photos, and about 100 vids. And a collection of stories."
He smiled. "Do you have them all organized in folders by topics, like exhibitionists, sucking, fucking, circle jerks, etc?" How the hell did he know?
"You have been looking on my computer!" I was angry. I just hadn't expected him to do that.
"I don't have to; that is the way mine is organized." He laughed and added, "But yes, I have searched your computer. I admit it. I was curious as to what my roommate liked in porn. I am sorry; I shouldn't have snooped. I have broken your trust again." He paused and looked at me, "I don't want to lose that again, so I have to be honest." I saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed, and it wasn't pizza. "I found the porn ^Ö the pics, vids and stories."
He paused, and I held my breath; this was difficult to hear. "And I found your blog, diary or whatever you call it where you are recording what is happening to you." He smiled meekly. "Fuck man, do you carry around a tape recorder? Your recounts are so detailed. I was floored, scared, amazed, and shocked at what I read. I stopped after a couple of pages. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I wanted to read more, but I knew it was just too personal."
I was hurt and felt used and taken advantage of again. He reached across the table, put his hand on mine and said, "I am sorry." My stomach still churned, trying to remember all that I had written. I wanted to cry and be mad and storm out and offended and I don't know what all. Before meeting with Marshall, I would have been a wreck at this point, worried about what was there, what Hank thought, being taken advantage of, betrayed - they all would have fought for dominance in my thoughts.
I had to take a deep breath, and remembered what Marshall said about me taking myself too seriously. And then I thought and said, "You know I am that kind of a guy. Whenever I went over to a guy's house and he left the room, I went through everything. I would find his dirty underwear and smell them and look for his porn stash." I blushed. "I am sorry, I am not proud of that; it was just how horny, crazy, and horny crazy I was." I looked abashed.
"It's okay. I think it is something every guy goes through. But, do you forgive me?"
I thought for a moment, as I chewed. "Of course, I am just thinking of a just punishment for you." It took a great deal of effort to say that; the 'of course' part. And then I thought, "Of course, I get to see your porn collection." I paused, "And I want to shoot a series of pictures of you of my choosing. And they are going to be as embarrassing as I can make them and I am going to made a CD of them and hold them over your head and make you do all kinds of kinky things for me; otherwise I will publish them on the school website."
He did a mock shocked look and covered his mouth. "Okay, just for you." He looked sheepish, "And if you want you can read some of the stuff I have written about you and me."
It was my turn to look shocked, only I wasn't faking it. "You have written about us?"
He nodded, swallowed again, and said, "I was writing a letter to Bill and never sent it. I just kept adding to it; my thoughts and feelings about you and us. It is only fair that you read it."
"Only if you want me to," I said, and was a bit afraid of what it might tell me about Hank.
He nodded and said, "I want you to."
We cleared out the stuff and headed over to the spa ^Ö well it really wasn't a spa, it was just a massage and relaxation area off of the gym. They had my name when I arrived, and I wondered what they had been told about me, and then realized I was worrying again.
I signed in and they seemed to know what was scheduled for me. Hank followed along, and they didn't seem to think anything unusual about that. They took us to a room and explained, "Spend some time soaking here." She looked at the clock. "After about 20 minutes, go through that door and lie down on the tables in there. Just climb under the sheet."
"Ah, what are we supposed to wear?" I asked, and I thought Hank was going to bust out laughing.
"Nothing," she smiled, and said, "Just leave your clothes here. Soak, dry yourself, and then climb under the sheets. No one will see you except each other." She looked between us. I blushed, I think.
"And for this relaxation to be most effective, I suggest no talking. Just clear your mind, find your favorite spot in your mind, and go there." She smiled once again, looked between the two of us, and then turned and left us.
Hank was out of his clothes in seconds and I was close behind. I kept wanting to check the door and make sure it was locked.
The lights dimmed, and I looked around, panicked that someone had walked in on us or something, but it must have been automatic. Hank headed into the pool first, and then I did. The water was so warm and nice. I sat down and laid back. The jets were pushing the hot water against my body. It felt so great.
I started to say something and Hank said, "Shhh! No, talking! Relax!" I smiled, closed my eyes, and tried to find that special place. I imagined a hiking trail I used to go on with my uncles.
I saw the sunlight dabbled through the leaves, pines needles carpeting the ground, and the smell of pine trees and damp earth. I heard the chittering of birds in the trees and the chirp of squirrels. I felt the warmth of the sun and the cool of the shade. I was consumed by my surroundings and looked every direction to see and hear everything.
"Hey, wake up," Hank whispered, and brought me out of my reverie. I looked at the clock and I had been "gone" for 20 minutes! I felt completely relaxed. I had been floating with my head on the edge of the tub. Amazing!
We got out and dried off; I was wobbly, and Hank reached out to steady me. I smiled, finished drying, and followed him through the doors. There were two tables there draped with sheets.
Hank got up on one under the sheets and I did the same on the other, face down with my nose and mouth poking through the hole in the round support for my head. This was a first for me. I had never had a massage.
I lay there and relaxed. A minute or two later a door opened and I heard, "Hi, I'm Michael, and I will be your masseuse." He started some new age music, and then the sheet was pulled down off of my back. I heard a noise and then felt his hands. They were warm and obviously oiled. I got the smell of bay leaves and pine as he began to massage the oil into me.
He started on the left side of my back, and began to work in long strokes along my back, and then out from there. It felt so good! I relaxed, and went back and found my spot in the forest. He worked my back muscles deeply, and then my shoulders and arms.
I think I was zoning out as he worked on my legs and feet. It all felt so wonderful. I was melting into the table and lost in the woods. The new age music added to the overall senses, as it had birds twittering and cawing in the background.
I drifted off into a realm of forests, walking around naked with Hank, hand in hand. It was not sexual at all; it was just us enjoying being with each other.
I heard, "Okay, you can go now." And Mike was gently shaking me. Someplace along there I had turned over onto my back and he had obviously worked on my chest and face, but I hadn't paid much attention to the details, rather just the overall melting of tension he had caused.
And then I realized that he had not only finished me, but had massaged Hank as well. I loved the smell of the oils that he had used; the air was redolent with it.
Mike left the room and I attempted to sit up. I was limp. Hank laughed as he sat up. He helped me up then, and let me lean on him as we walked back to the hot tub room. He let me hold his shoulder as I bent to pull on my boxers and then my shorts. I sat down and pulled on my t-shirt, as he dressed.
Outside, he held my hand as we walked back to our dorm. We still had said little to each other, and Hank didn't break the quiet between us. I felt so at peace, so relaxed, so un-tense. It was really amazing. We walked at a leisurely pace across campus. At our dorm, we took the elevator up, something we rarely do.
In the room, Hank striped out of his clothes and I followed suit. He motioned to the bed and I crawled up on it. He wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my shoulders. I smelled the oils and closed my eyes. I snuggled back against him and smiled
I was settling into the serenity of the moment, and the session that I had just finished, when I hear, "Kyle." Hank spoke my name tenderly and placed his hand on my bicep.
"Hmmmm?" I responded, drowsily.
"Kyle, you have scared the crap out of me over the last couple of days," he whispered, and rushed on, "And I realized when you weren't around how much I missed you. You had me so worried and I thought I had done something to drive you away."
I started to respond, but he went on, "No, in a way, I did." He swallowed and continued on in a whisper. "And I don't want to lose you. You are the first guy I told that I was gay. You make me want to hold your hand when we are in public. I don't care who knows it, or what I have to do to keep you with me. I don't want to lose you again."
He stroked my bicep. "So always be honest with me and tell me what you are thinking, and I will try to do a better job of understanding you and your needs and your desires and what will work and what won't."
He paused again, and I heard the emotion in his voice. "And it will take a bit of time to get it right, but I hope we have that time together to really get to know all those things about each other."
He raised up a bit and looked over my shoulder at my face. "So what do I need to do to prove to you that I mean this?" He thought for a moment. "Do I need to march down stairs naked to the cafeteria to profess my love for you?
"Or go back to your theatre, strip, and jerk off while sitting there?"
He gulped, "Or do I just have to be your slave for the rest of my life and do whatever you say whenever you say it?"
I rolled over a bit, and looked him in the face for a while to read his intent. I knew he was serious and not just kidding. I could see it in his face. "Well, I think we should invite my Aunt Edna up and she can watch you getting fucked by me."
His eyes went wide and then he laughed, "Asshole!" But his smile vanished. "If that is what it is going to take to prove to you that I am serious and committed to this, then I'll buy her the ticket!"
I smiled, and pulled him closer so I could kiss him. I pushed him back up after that and said, "Look, just don't push me so much, and let me have you do a few things, but don't stop telling me what to do."
I thought, and tried to figure out how best to say this, "I like when you tell me to do things. I like being told to do things, but at the same time, I don't want to be told to do things that are going to be degrading or demeaning or get me arrested. And I will say 'no' to those things, and you have to help me remember to say 'no' to some things."
He nodded and smiled. "And that goes for Thomas and some of his crazy photo shoots. I really don't know how the campus lets him get away with some of the shit he does!"
His smiled widened, "But I like some of the stuff he has done. He has done some great photographic work, and he is just exploring the fringe with his photography. It definitely isn't main stream."
"Hey, that's it! I want to do a photo shoot of you. You doing whatever I ask of you, where ever I choose!"
His smile faltered just a bit before he agreed. "Okay, when shall we do it?"
I looked at the clock. "Do you think that Jim could get us a room tonight?" I smiled and said, "I really haven't had a chance to try out my new camera, and this way we could spend some time together, and all."
He laughed, shook his head, but got up off of the bed and walked over to his computer. I loved looking at him walking naked! I felt a surge of pleasure knowing that he wanted me! And that I would get to spend time with him! Wow!
He sat down and typed out an email. Then while he waited for the response, he brought up a doc and told me to come and read it. He had me sit on his lap, and he held me with his hands on my chest.
It was his letter to his brother that had become his blog of sorts. I skimmed and spot read a few places. "He seemed like such a dork when I first met him, all tongue tied and shy. Didn't seem like he had much social interaction in high school." That hurt to read.
A little further down the story, "He is so cute when he strips; he blushes often and has the cutest butt. And he cannot control his cock at all; it is always hard!" I liked the comment about the cute butt!
"Bill, there is something about Kyle that is really driving me crazy. And you probably understand this better than I do. I came on tough and rough when I left a note for my unknown roommate, but after getting to know him, I find him so vulnerable that I want to protect him. I call him my little brother, because I never had one and he never had a brother. He likes that." I swallowed and kept reading.
"I don't know; I love telling him what to do and seeing what he will do. He is so eager, not only to please but to try new things. But some of them really freak him out. It makes me want to be careful with him, but on the other hand, I want him to experience everything and to try everything. Am I pushing too hard?"
I scrolled down a bit more. "We had this really weird S&M photo session last night and I think some of it really freaked out Kyle. It is certainly not his thing. Remember that time you took me out to the garage and tied me up? You had fun playing the dungeon master and me the slave. You raised welts on my ass that took a week to go away, and I couldn't sit down for a couple of days. But you came so hard and so intense, it was wild. And when you threatened to leave me there and invite the other brothers and their girlfriends down to see me, I thought I would die of humiliation. I think that is some of what Kyle goes through, but at times I think he likes it."
I swallowed; the scene he described made my cock swell and, yet, I felt fear that he had been beaten so badly. I read on.
"I had a couple of guys over and had Kyle strip, jerk off, suck me, and then let me fuck him while they watched. He didn't know they were in on it, and I had prepped them to say disparaging remarks to him. He got so turned on, but also so scared. He was so relieved when the guys told him they were in on it, and that they thought it was hot."
I looked down and saw that I was only about 1/10 of the way through the letter.
I scrolled down a bit more. "Bill, I really care about Kyle. He tried to tell me he loved me today, but I wouldn't let him. It scares me to think of loving someone. I mean, I understand about man to man love; I just didn't think it would happen to me, and so fast and so intensely. I am sure you are laughing your ass off at your little brother, but this scares the shit out of me.
"I don't know if I am up to the responsibility. As much as he thinks I am challenging him, he challenges me more. Every time he is scared, depressed, worried, anxious, nervous, and horny or whatever, he turns to me or expects me to have the answers, and I don't. I try, from all the stuff you guys and mom and dad taught us, but I don't know all the answers. I am scared I am going to hurt him and that would really hurt me."
I couldn't read any more. I liked what I read; it told me how vulnerable Hank really was and how much he cared about his dorky roommate. I turned and looked at Hank; he was smiling that special smile, and I melted. I wanted to be with him forever!
The computer gave a little ding and announced that he had new email. Hank took the mouse, switched to his email, and opened it. It was from Jim. He had a room that we could use within the hour. He put a smiley face on it and asked if we needed a photographer or a chaperon to assist. Hank laughed, and then ran his hand along my crack. I liked the feel of that.
"Want to read more?" he asked.
"No, maybe later, but what I read made me feel good. It let me see a bit into your heart, and I appreciate that." I got up, turned around, bent over, and planted another kiss on his lips. He reached out and took my dick and balls in his hands, and gently played with them. I made an "ummmm" sound in his mouth, and he broke the kiss with a laugh.
He dropped my front, smacked my ass, and said, "Okay, let's get this road on the show!" I knew he had mixed the metaphor on purpose, because of his laugh.
He started to get dressed, and I stopped him and handed him a pair of shorts; they were really baggy on him and barely hung on his hips. If he had had pubes, it would have shown the tops of them when he wore these shorts. Then I gave him a shirt that had shrunk a bit and didn't quite meet the top of his shorts when they sagged. I liked the look. He smiled a bit as he looked at himself in the mirror.
He looked at me and said, "I am liable to get picked up by some guy or girl on the way over there. I look like a guy asking for it in this outfit."
"Oh, you mean you look like a male slut?" I laughed, as I finished that comment.
He blushed, and nodded his head. I pulled on a pair of tighter fitting shorts and a longer t-shirt. I grabbed my camera stuff, put on my slippers, and was ready to go. Out in the hallway, Hank's crack was showing at the back, and I smiled. I was ready to see him walk across campus this way! He looked so hot! But then I wondered if I was using him like I had accused him of using me? Man, I needed to get my head on straight!
Also thanks to Mikey for his proofing abilities. Comments, suggestions, photos of the guys are always welcome, harryrod575@yahoo.com
have fun
harry