I sat down and he said, "So Larry tells me you lost it a bit last night and thought we should talk."
"Larry?" I said, lost again.
"My partner, the police officer, Larry Rutherford." He smiled and indicated the picture of him and Larry sitting on his desk. Well I'll be damned!
He smiled at my reaction. "I like surprising people like that, sorry." He took the smile off of his face, "So what happened?" I hesitated, "Take your time. Just tell it however makes sense to you. We have no time limit this morning." He leaned back into his chair, relaxing me a bit.
I took a deep breath and for the second or third time began the story of what happened. I had to backtrack and talk about Hank and what we had done. I blushed at the beginning as I talked about some of it, but Marshall didn't judge, just nodded and urged me to go on. I talked about everything, high school, my fears, my Mom, my Dad, Hank, photo shoots -- both the school ones and the ones with Thomas. The ones with Thomas got him to raise an eyebrow, but he continued to listen.
At one point, he got me a bottle of water, figuring that I was getting parched as I continued to pour everything out. I couldn't believe I was being so open, so unreserved, not censoring anything, fearing what he would think about what I was saying. I just said it.
At one point, I broke down in tears and he handed me a box of tissues and waited while I got myself together. Never commenting on what I was saying only to encourage me to continue. When he did speak, it was, "That had to be difficult." And "I think I understand." And so forth.
I felt very comfortable with him. Once again I was letting down my guard. Finally, I had nothing more to say.
Marshall looked at me for a bit, smiled and said, "Sounds like you have been through quite a bit, Kyle. Sounds like you have some people that care about you." I nodded. "And sounds like you have some trust issues." I was so surprised that he used the same words that Bill had last night.
He talked about this for a bit and it seemed so apparent, how I had trusted people only to have it yanked out from under me. My dad, the guys at school, etc. I wanted companionship and a relationship, but was afraid that I would be used. So when Blake brought up those concerns, or when something happened with one of one of Hank's experiments, all my fears would surface and I would get scared.
That coupled with my unending concerns and worries about what people thought about me had really pushed me to the edge. And that I had just snapped last night. I could only nod. This was so on target.
I took a deep breath and nodded. I nervously wiped my upper lip. I told him what Blake said about Hank demeaning me. I said, "But I like doing what Hank tells me to. I trust that he has my best interests at heart."
He smiled and said, "And you are trusting me completely and fully, but if I was to say something, and this is NOT true, but if I said something like, I am taping this conversation," my stomach tightened and I felt panic rise, "you would probably get all nervous. And I can see it in your face. I said it wasn't true. Calm down, it's okay, I won't betray this trust you have given to me." He reached over and put his hand on my knee to reassure me.
"And just because Hank asks it, doesn't mean it is or isn't demeaning, but you have to figure out what is right and wrong for you and no one else. You have to be responsible for yourself and face the consequences of those actions. And just because he asks you or tells you to do something doesn't mean you will love him less if you say no. It means that you are thinking about yourself and him. Together." He paused and smiled.
"So I am going to recommend we get together another time this week and a couple of times next week, just so we can talk about these issues and see if we can't work through some of these issues that are stressing you out." He smiled. "I think sometimes you take yourself too seriously."
He patted my knee once again. "Now, I am not suggesting that you go parading all over campus naked, but a little bit of rebellion is common in college and exploration is encouraged, so little eccentricities are often overlooked. So a naked run, or driving around campus naked, are pretty harmless and can help blow off a bit of stress as well make you a bit more open." He smiled again.
"Don't worry I am not going to give you assignments of nude protests around campus. And I am not saying you should do everything Hank tells you to do. I want you to be in charge of yourself. And if YOU want to do something, then try it, but don't do it just because you think someone will like you better if you do it."
He looked at me seriously and said, "But remember YOU are responsible for YOUR actions. YOU face the consequences of them. And like Larry tried to get you to realize last night, doing dumb things can get you in trouble. So think where you are and who's around before you do it."
He leaned forward, "And I want you to be a bit more open with Hank about your feelings. If he truly cares for you then he will understand your needs and desires. Do you want me to talk to him?"
I considered that for a moment and then said, "No. I want to be the one to talk with him." I smiled weakly.
"Well, do you want to do it here with me in the room, in case, something goes wrong?"
That did sound interesting, but no, I had to do this myself. Then I smiled and thought how I was over controlling again, fearful of how Hank would take it if we had the discussion here.
"I don't know. I think I can do it myself. I want to do it myself. I need to do it myself. But if it doesn't come out right, I want to be able to ask your help. I mean I would have Hank come back with me so you could hear how I was trying to express myself." I had that electric wire feeling again. My whole body was on edge, shaking and my teeth nearly chattering.
"I can certainly do that," he smiled, "whatever I can do to help. And if you ever feel the need to strip down someplace without fear of being arrested, you can always stop by here and take off your clothes." He smiled, "Either in the waiting room or in my office, whichever you prefer." I blushed, but smiled.
"And I promise I won't call Larry." He smiled and almost laughed, "Unless you want me to." He chuckled, "I understand he treated you pretty badly and really laid the shock treatment on you." I nodded.
"But, just between you and me," he leaned in closer, very conspiratorially, and said, "He said you were hot looking guy!" I blushed again, but was pleased that Marshall could share this with me and I could take it in the spirit he was giving it. He was trying to bolster my ego and it helped.
He patted my knee. "And as for Thomas; photo shoots, if they are too far out there for you, I can have a word with him. He does some awesome work, but I know from personal experience that they can be a bit taxing on the psyche." He smiled and seemed to be reminiscing. Did that mean he had been in one of Thomas' photo shoots?
He saw my look and said, "When he was an undergrad, he wanted a cop for one of his series of photos and knew Larry. But Larry would only do the shoot with me. I have to tell you it was a powerful session and the fact that Thomas photographed the whole thing and has published some of the shots thrills me and scares the shit out of me!" he smiled and shook his head.
"Blake, now that is another issue. Not that you owe him anything, but you need to figure out this conflict you have with him. You trusted him with information and he used it against you. There are two issues here. You trusted him with information which may not have needed and in your mind, didn't communicate it in the manner you thought you were. And he came back with the information and used it against you. Again, he thought he was acting in your best interests.
He looked at me, "You have this tendency to trust emphatically the person you are with and this can and has cause you problems. Then when it bites you in the ass, you get scared and it reinforces your issues about not trusting people. Quite the quandary."
"Okay, anything else?" I could not think of anything I hadn't already said. "Okay, I am setting you up with a couple of relaxing sessions at the spa. You can go alone or with Hank or someone. They are just to help you relax, massages, soaking in the tubs, hot showers, etc. The first one is this afternoon."
He saw a look on my face, "And don't worry about class or any other commitments you have, I will square this with whomever, I need to." He patted my thigh again, "I want you to learn to relax. I want you to learn to trust and I want you to get rid of some stress." He laughed, "One great way to get rid of stress is to have sex, but not if it stresses you out!"
"So let's try to figure out how to have that be less stressful for you and how to get you to relax a little bit." He looked at me sideways, "I don't want it to come to me prescribing you to take a bath in the central fountain at high noon where half the student body would see you." He saw the look on my face.
"The thought petrifies you and at the same time turns you on, right?" I must have looked panicked and I nodded; my heart racing.
"And I don't think we need any drugs for you at this time. Let's see if the relaxing, talking and all don't help first." He looked me straight in the face again and said, "Did this help?"
I nodded and then said, "Yes," and let out a deep sigh. "Talking about it makes it a bit less scary and more ordinary. I mean that is doesn't have the starkness of all black or all white as Blake was trying to make it sound." He nodded his head. "And you are correct as well about me worrying about too much." I smiled and said, "I hope these relaxation sessions are helpful."
He stood and I did as well. He put his hand on my shoulder and it felt so fatherly when he did it, that I just wanted to stay with him for the rest of the day. I felt so secure with him and I realized that it was all part of the puppy dog syndrome he had talked about. I liked anyone that paid attention to me.
I nodded, not trusting my voice again. He patted my shoulder and led me to the door. As soon as he opened it, Hank jumped up and looked from him to me. "He'll live," Marshall said as he saw the look of concern on Hank's face.
"You were in there so long! I was concerned. I was imagining all kinds of things; that you had a fit or he gave you electro-shock therapy or something worse." He managed a weak smile and I could see that he was concerned; that made me feel better.
"This is Hank, my room, I mean my boyfriend," I said smiling a bit.
"I thought you might be," Marshall said, extending his hand. "And I am Marshall, one of the counselors here at the university." Hank took his hand and both gripped firmly and shook hands. I looked between the two of them. It was as if they were trying to mentally figure out what the intention of the other was. Marshall kept his smile and Hank's seem to broaden.
"You take care of Kyle now," he told Hank, winked at me, turned and went back into his office. I thought for a moment he was going to go into the same litany that the cop had last night. But it was as if Marshall knew that Hank had already gotten that message.
"So how did it go?" Hank asked obviously concerned.
"It went good. I am really glad I got to talk with him." I leaned in and brushed my lips across his, "Thanks for being out here and for caring." He looked at me questioning.
"Let's go someplace so we can talk, rather than here in the hallway." I tried to reassure him. I put my hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eye, "Its okay. We are still fine." Then I tried to turn him and lead him away. He resisted for a moment and then allowed me to lead him outside.
Outside, I looked around and led him over to a large tree. We sat at the base of the tree, cross-legged, looking at each other. He still looked concerned.
I put my hand on his arm and looked him in the face again. "Really, we are okay. I just need to say a few things." I hoped this came out correctly and I didn't lose it while I was telling it.
"I care about you and I trust you, but I tend to do anything to tell me to or ask me to or bet me to do without question and some of things bother me a bit. I sometimes do them because I think it will make you like me more if I do what you ask. I know my dick sometimes says otherwise, but afterwards, my other head doesn't always like what I have done. But I never want to say anything, because I don't want to lose you and I don't want you to think that I don't like you or want to do what you want."
He looked a bit puzzled and I continued on, before I became emotional looking at his expression. I felt I might be hurting him. "I want to trust you so much, but Marshall says I have trust issues after all that has happened in my past. So when I trust you and do what you ask and then have qualms about it, it causes me to doubt."
I rushed on, "And then I worry about how people will perceive what I am doing or what I am or what I am for doing what you ask." I swallowed and then said, "And I begin to doubt you, me, us, and everything."
"I want this to work out and I love you. I have told you that. I mean it. But," he looked up when I said that, expecting the worst, "I have to speak up, learn to relax, quite worrying so much about what other people think. That is really superfluous, compared to what I think about myself. And I need to take myself less seriously as well."
He didn't say anything, but his smile was returning. "So he gave me some sessions at the spa. Massage, hot tubs, those kinds of things." I grinned, "To relax me, release some tension." I looked at him, "he also said that having sex, if I didn't get all hung up on it, would release tension as well."
He grinned and looked very lasciviously at my crotch. I blushed a bit and nodded, "But not here under the tree, okay?" I said.
"At least not in the middle of the day," he smiled and then added, "but at midnight, it might be fun!" He saw the expression on my face and added, "I am just kidding!"
And although the idea got me excited, I wasn't in a place to consider it at the moment.
"Look whatever I can do to help you; I want you to let me know." He thought for a moment. "Do I need to go see this Marshall?" he said and reached out and put his arms on my knees. I loved the feel of his touch.
I shook my head, swallowed the lump of emotion in my throat, "No, but I need to be able to say no sometimes and to tell you to do something sometimes." I thought, "And some I am going to have to play by ear." I smiled and said, "Instead of always by dick."
He grinned at that. I could tell he was thinking about various things I might both like to do and not. I wondered what he was thinking up now.
"I was so afraid this Blake guy had turned you against me. He really seemed to have shaken you up." He paused and then said, "And I didn't want to lose you." It always rocked me when I saw his eyes well up.
I shook my head and swallowed a couple of times to try to keep control. "I am so sorry about him. I don't know what got into me but he was so compelling. I wanted him so badly." I looked at him, "Is that bad?"
"No, I encouraged you to experiment. I was afraid if I didn't that I would lose you by trying to confine you too much or monopolize you too much or become too possessive." He wiped his eyes. "And I was getting so attached to you and wanted you so bad that I was willing to share you, to keep you."
He was losing it now, which was going to push me over the edge. "I know I come across as this really together guy, but this is all so new to me as well, I was playing it by ear," then he smiled, "and trying not to play it by dick!"
"But I love you and want everything for you. So if you have to tell me no, then I want you to and I don't want to be telling you to do things or asking you to do things that stress you out." He was losing it and I could tell this was difficult for him, "You scared the shit out me with you reaction last night, getting sick and all."
I reached over and pulled him to me and he gripped my shoulders tightly and at first we had our heads on each other shoulders and sobbed a bit together. I felt I had hurt him and he probably felt the same. After a moment or so of this, I moved my head up and kiss the tears away from his eyes, savoring the salty taste of him.
He moved and did the same to me until we slid into kissing and hugging. I shifted and he did so the position was a bit more comfortable and not so strained. I settled in for a long passionate kiss and he returned it with vigor. He was squeezing me tight as he did. I don't know how long this lasted, but when I heard, "Get a room," and some laughter, I broke the kiss and looked around. I wondered who had seen us and my heart raced and my stomach tightened.
But then I realized we had not been doing anything wrong, except a bit of a public display of affection. Grant it was between two guys, but it wasn't as if we were fucking or anything. I looked up and saw that Jimmy was smiling and heading our way. I now had to think of him as Jimmy, just to keep from confusing him with Jim at the photo office.
I quickly wiped my face as did Hank before Jimmy came over and sat down. He had his usually silly grin that made you want to ask him what had he been up to. "What's up guys?" he asked.
"Maybe we should ask you. You look like the proverbial feline," Hank said.
"Well, I don't want to brag," he said.
"But when has that ever stopped you?" I said, surprising myself.
He laughed, looked at me and then said, "Jared and Todd both just fucked me." He grinned, "At the same time!"
"You slut!" Hank said, laughing.
I was trying to picture this, "How?"
"Well, that's kind of obvious, isn't it? They both had their cocks in me at the same time!" He grinned. "It was too much for Todd and he came right away!"
"No, I know that! I mean how did you manage it, I mean what position, I can't figure out how it would look like?" I said.
He laughed again and said, "Yeah, Jared had seen this video, so thought he could figure it out. Todd lay on his back, and then I straddled him and sat on his cock. Then I leaned forward and Jared moved up behind me and slid his cock in. He was crouching behind me."
"Didn't it hurt?" I said, not being able to imagine being stretched that much.
"Well, a bit, but," and I swore he blushed! "Jared has been really loosening me up." He grinned, "So it with a bit of lube and a deep breath, he slid in and then Jared did the fucking in my ass. It was wild! He was pushing down on Todd's cock creating friction and Todd's cock was pressing on my prostate driving me crazy!"
He seemed so proud of himself. "Todd got so excited he came almost as soon as Jared started fucking. Of course, he had been warming me up, so was a bit more excited than Jared."
He tried the awe shucks look and it didn't work on him, "and Jared had me suck him a bit while I rode Todd, so he was ready as well. But when Todd shot, he didn't want Billy to pull out. He just kept on fucking my ass, driving me crazy!"
He leaned back on his arms, "He kept at it until he shot in me as well, mixing his cum with Todd's. It was amazing the sensations of the two cocks, the warm cum and my body wedged between the two of them.
"When Jared finally pulled out, he reached down and pulled Todd's shirking cock out. Then he scooped some of the combined jizz that had leaked out of my ass and fed it to me! I was pumping away on my own cock then. I was so turned on! And as I sucked his fingers clean, I shot a huge load all over Todd's chest."
He was enjoying this telling. It was obvious from the way his shorts began to tent.
"And I suppose Jared made you lick Todd's chest clean?" Hank asked.
"You bet!" Jimmy said, quite proud of himself.
His story was getting me horny as well. I was picturing the configuration and not that I wanted to try it right away, I would have liked to have seen it. Damn, he was making me horny.
Hank and I were still sitting very close to each other and I looked down and saw that his own crotch had filled out a bit.
"What are you guys doing out here, making out under the tree?" asking shifting the focus from himself to us, but still in charge.
Hank spoke up, "Celebrating Kyle's release from jail." He kept a straight face and I didn't know if I would be able to.
Jimmy's eyes bulged out and his mouth dropped open.
"Yeah, this cop caught him naked in a theatre, so he made him walk out of the theatre naked, then managed to feel him up pretty good before they got it on, right there in the manager's office." Hank was enjoying this, "All while the manager watched."
Jimmy had grabbed his tent and was pushing it down and squeezing it. "You are shitting me!"
"Yes, actually, I am," Hank said breaking into a laugh then.
"Shit head!" Jimmy said trying to keep his cock pressed again his crotch.
"Well, he did have a brush with a cop, and he was naked in a theatre." He looked at me, and then added, "And I think the cop got to feel him up pretty well!"
Jimmy was laughing and shaking his head. "I don't know when to believe you any more!" He looked from me to Hank.
"All I can say is that if you hadn't come by when you did we might be fucking each other right here under the tree!"
Jimmy's mouth opened and then he closed it and shook his head, "Asshole!" he said good naturedly. "You guys stop by the room sometime. Jared hasn't seen you guys in a while." He grinned, "Maybe you and Kyle can fuck me at the same time while Jared takes some pics!"
My mind whirled at the possibility, but I figured I should take it easy for a bit on the wild and crazy sex. Maybe just a little straight sex, well, maybe not straight and I laughed to myself. Hank looked at me as Jimmy got up, straightened himself up as best as he could and headed back towards the dorm.
I leaned in and kissed one more time and remembered Hank's song lyrics fetish, "'Have I told you lately, that I love you.'"
He smiled, "Rod Stewart!"
My stomach rumbled then and I said, "What time is it?"
He laughed looked at his watch and said, "11:30."
"No!" I said, and then grabbed his wrist and turned it so I could see. Shit, where had the day gone?"
"I'm starving," I said, "can we go get something to eat?"
Hank laughed and said, "Are you asking or telling?"
"Asshole!" I sat swatting his shoulder. "Get your ass up and you can buy me lunch!"
He laughed and he did the stand up thing from crossed legs without any effort, just straight up. I wasn't as graceful and he grabbed me half way up and pulled me the rest of the way up. He squeezed my hand and then patted my shoulder. "Let's go little brother slash boyfriend slash lover slash exhibitionist slash almost ex-felon, let's see if we can't get something to stick down your throat!"
I laughed. I loved when he talked that way! And fuck! he had called me lover and boyfriend! Shit, my emotions were just on a roller coaster these days!
Comments, suggestions, photos of the guys, all welcome -- harryrod575@yahoo.com
Thank you,
Have fun
harry