What a fuck up I was! Shit! I had really screwed things up now. What was I going to tell Hank? What about what Blake had said about Hank? Was any of it true? And how would I know? What was up with Blake? What was up with Hank? Shit!
I got to the office and realized that the robe had become spotted with the cum from my chest. It was blatantly obvious what had happened and I didn't feel like explaining it to Jim. He took one look at me and I guess saw something in my face because he closed his mouth and didn't come out with one of his usual quips. I threw off the robe and tried to dress as fast I could I didn't want to run into Blake as I left. I thought about grabbing my clothes and just running out with them in my arms, just to escape. I realized how stupid that was. I practically jumped into my shorts, fumbled to get them closed and then got one arm into my t-shirt, grabbed my pack and headed towards the door while I struggled to get the shirt on the rest of the way.
I looked at Jim and he had his mouth open watching me. I shook my head and managed to wedge my elbow into the arm of my t-shirt as I tried to put on my pack and open the door all with one hand.
In the hall, I wiped the tears from my eyes as I pulled my elbow out and tried again and succeeded to get my arm through the sleeve. I slung my pack up and headed towards the doors.
I felt a hand on my shoulder as I got to the door. It was Blake, "Wait, please, Kyle."
He looked more disheveled than I did. I went outside and he kept his hand on my bicep until we were outside. He looked at me sheepishly when I stopped and turned. My emotions were raw and I had no idea what to say or how to talk to him.
"Kyle, all that happened, that was my fault. I am sorry. But I have wanted you so bad since the first time I saw you and you seemed so vulnerable and after I heard how that guy has been treating you and all. And touching you and you look so wonderful, it was hard, I mean difficult, not to respond when you responded." He stopped.
He took a deep breath. "Kyle, I care about you and I don't want to see you get hurt. And it sounds to me as if this guy, Hank doesn't care for you and is just using you to get his rocks off." I started to say something and he held up his hand, "No, I know you think the world of him. That is obvious. I just want you to ask yourself if you have been brainwashed by him." Back was his dimple and the laughter in his eyes.
"But after all, you admit that he is the first guy you have been with, so maybe it is just that first fuck infatuation." He saw the hurt look on my face, "Sorry, but I think you know what I mean. I just want you to take some time for yourself and see if this guy is really the guy for you."
He stepped closer and put his arm on my shoulder, "Because I know I would treat you better and I want to treat you better. I want you there beside me when I wake up in the morning. And I want to be there for you."
Too much for me to process. I was really confused now. "But what about the ROTC and your plans?" He looked at me with questions in his eyes. "I mean what would they say if they found out." I shook my head. "What am I saying? I have a guy who loves me and I love him. You are just confusing me." I shook his arm off of my shoulder.
"Kyle, please. I am sorry. I don't want to hurt you. But would you promise me to think about what I said. Call me if you need to talk. I want to be there for you." He stood there smiling at me. Then he shrugged his shoulders as if to say, what's a guy going to do?
I shook my head and turned around and began to walk. I kept my head down and walked. I tried to process what he had said, what I had felt, what Hank said and did. It was all mixed up. Yeah there were some things that I had done, or should I say, Hank had me do, that I wasn't comfortable with. But damn it, they sure turned me on. Both my cock and I responded to the images of those things. But were they degrading or demeaning? And did Hank tell me to do them to put me down?
Did he only say he loved me to get me to do more of these things?
And then my thoughts went back to Blake. How his lithe body had felt to me and how he had responded and how I had responded. Man, I was one fucked up mess. I played through all the stuff of the last couple of weeks. Had it only been two weeks since school started and I first read that obnoxious note from Hank.
Images whirled around in my head and emotions ran wild in me. I laughed and cried. I fumed and swore. I stormed and stomped. I felt crushed. I began to run. I did that for a bit until my bouncing pack brought me to a stop. I stood and panted and looked around me. I had no idea where I was.
There was bench nearby. I went over, put my pack down and then sat down. I put my head in my hands and cried all anew. Too many new things, too many feelings, and no one to talk to. I couldn't talk to my Mom. I wished I had a Dad that I could talk to.
That made me think of my missing Dad and I cried for him, like I had never cried before. I swore at him for leaving me, making me be the man in the house when I was so young. Stealing my childhood. Then I laughed as I fashioned myself as some Michael Jackson, who had his childhood stolen. But fuck it, I had had to make decisions and take care of my Mom.
And Hank, what did I say to him? I wanted to explain. I wanted to climb into bed with him and hold on to him until I felt better. I remembered him yelling at me for feeling sorry for myself and wondered if that was what I was going now. And was yelling at me a way to snap me out of it? What about the compassion that Billy had shown to Eldon? Hank could have taken me in his arms and consoled me.
But hadn't he done that on some occasions? I felt a vibration in my pocket. I reached in and pulled out my phone. I had messages. I had a text from Hank, "Where R U?" I also had voice mails and missed calls. Some were from Hank and some were from Blake. Just then I received another text, "R U OK?" from Blake.
I jammed it back into my pocket. I didn't know what to say to Hank and I didn't want to talk to Blake.
I picked up my pack and started walking again. Not back the way I had come, but further away from both of them. At least I thought that was the direction I was heading. I walked on and on. At times pushing myself hard to walk faster, punishing myself. Other times I slowed down and got all caught up in feeling sorry for myself.
I looked up a couple of times. I saw a couple holding hands and walking along a path oblivious to the rest of the world. Isn't that what Hank and I had? I walked on and looked up and saw a man walking his dog. It was a puppy and it wagged its tail every time he turned and talked to it. Was this Hank and I? Was it puppy love?
I passed a theatre. I decided I might as well go inside. I love movies, I could spend hours watching them and I hadn't been to one since arriving at school. I bought my ticket. I stopped at the men's room to take a piss and thought about what Blake said about privacy. And I thought about what Hank said about having fun and getting off on things.
I moved back a foot or so from the urinal and began to spray piss everywhere. I aimed my steam at the floor, sinks, paper towel racks and waste basket. It was like I was drunk.
I finished, stuck my cock back through my zipper, didn't zip up, grabbed my pack and headed out into the theatre.
I found a seat. The previews were on. I looked around the theatre. There were young couples leaning heads in towards each other. Older people scattered in singles here and there. Was that going to be me? Sitting alone in theatres the rest of my life?
The movie started and it was some adult comedy about a dysfunctional family. I tried to follow it, but it only depressed me more as it mirror too many of the feelings I was having.
And then, I don't know why, I got it into my head to strip and sit in the theatre. Maybe it was the thought of the photo session Blake had mentioned. How college stripped away who you were and left you naked to new thoughts, new ways, new opportunities. I pulled off my t-shirt and stuffed it into my pack. I looked around and then pushed my shorts down. I took them off and put them in my pack and sat there in a public theatre naked to the world.
I thought of all the things Blake had said about how Hank degraded me and demeaned me and how what I was doing now would impact those around me and what would happened if I offended someone doing these things. I started to reach for my pack and take out my clothes when I felt a hand on my shoulder and a voice saying, "Young man, I am going to have to ask you to come with me."
My heart went wild. "Just let me get my.."
"No! Come with me now before you cause anymore disruptions." He lifted my arm. Everyone was looking at us. I felt about an inch tall. I stood and grabbed my pack and held it in front of me. I wasn't hard. I was ashamed. He led me down the stairs and I felt every eye upon me. I knew there were watching my naked ass as I walked by.
Once we were out of the theatre, he led me through the lobby full of people. I saw people starring, kids pointing and asking their dads what the naked man was doing and moms covering the eyes of their kids. I saw all out the corners of my eyes as I kept my head down. I knew I was the deepest shade of red I had ever been.
He pushed me into his office and closed the door behind himself. He reached for the phone, pushed buttons and began to speak, "Yes, this is George Fuller, the manager at the State Theatre. I have a pervert who stripped down naked in my theatre." There was a pause and I started crying again. My shame was beyond measure. "Yes, I have him here in the office. Yes, I will keep him here until you arrive." He hung up the phone and tuned to look at me.
I stood there looking at the floor. Finally, I found voice enough to say, "May I get dressed now?"
"What now that it is just the two of us, you want to cover yourself up?" I could hear the venom in his voice. I was so mortified. "Is that it?"
He reached over and pulled my pack away from me, so I stood there naked in front of him. I put my hands over my crotch as he pawed through my pack. "What are you on, some kind of sex drug? What do they call it, ecstasy?"
He looked through everything and didn't find anything. He sat it on his desk and turned to look at me. He reached over and took one of my arms, holding it up and looking at it. Then he grabbed the other one and looked at it. "No needle marks there. What are you doing shooting it between the toes so the marks don't show, or behind your balls?"
He reached over and swatted my now unprotected balls. I cringed and bent over as I clutched myself.
He just stood there then and didn't say anything until there was a knock on the door. He opened it and then let in a police officer. He was a solid guy, in his late 20's, early 30's/ He looked as if he could carry me with one arm. The officer looked me over and then said, "So son, what were you doing? Are you on something? Have you been drinking?"
"No, Sir," was all I could manage.
"Are you going to press charges?" he asked the manager.
The manager looked me over and then at the officer. "What if he is some kind of sexual pervert, a child molester or something? Shouldn't you check him out?"
"Yes, I will do that, I just want to know if you are going to press public indecency charges on him."
"No, not as long as you are going to take him in and check him over. I guess that is best. I know the owner would have a fit if I got him entangled in some kind of law suit or something." He looked at me with such disgust. I was relieved in one way but petrified in another. What was the cop going to do to me?
"Okay, then, if you would give us a couple of minutes here, I can get out of your way and take care of him." The officer opened the door, wide, and waited for the manager to leave, all the while leaving me exposed to the people in the lobby.
When the manager left the officer closed the door slowly and then moved over and picked up my pack. He pulled out my shorts and got my wallet out. He opened it saw my student ID and license. He looked at me. He sat my pants down, pulled out my t-shirt. He looked at me again. He called in and spoke into the cell phone and I couldn't hear much of what he said, except that he said my name, address and phone numbers.
I began to shake. If he called my Mom, she would be crushed. He dumped out my pack and looked through the stuff in there.
His phone rang and he answered it and listened, nodded his head and then acknowledged and hung up.
He turned to me with a very stern look and told me to put my hands behind my head and to spread my legs. I did as he said and try to still the shaking in my arms and legs. I would look at him and then look down.
"Now, Mr. Gilford, you want to explain what you were doing naked in the theatre? I asked you before, and I'll ask it again, are you on anything?" He was now standing about six inches from my face.
I looked up at him, swallowed and said, "No, sir."
"Then what were you doing naked in the theatre?"
I had no explanation. "I don't know what came over me, Sir." I was so close to tears again. "I was having a very emotional day and I guess I just lost it, Sir. I have never done anything like this before, Sir. I apologize, Sir and it will never happen again." I sounded so desperate.
He ran his hand over my chest, "Look at you, not a hair anyplace on you. Why have you shaved yourself?"
"I am a model for the photography classes at the university, sir."
"Oh, so you like running around naked in front of people?"
Shit! "No, sir."
"So you don't pose naked for these photography classes?"
"Yes, sir."
"Yes, you don't or yes, you do?"
"I do, sir."
"Oh, so you do like to be naked in front of people."
"No, sir, I just do it to get some money for school."
"Oh, so people pay you to take your clothes off?"
"No, sir. I mean, yes, sir, but the school pays me and it is just for posing."
"Did you think I meant anything else?"
"No, sir."
"Shall I take you in and put you in a cell with a bunch of cons?"
"No, sir."
"They would like a pretty boy like you. All cleaned shaven and all." He ran his hand down my stomach and cupped my dick and balls.
"You like to suck cock, boy?"
"Sir?"
"Well, I guess it don't matter, because these guys don't care whether you do or not, they just stick their cocks down your throats and the don't care whether you can breathe or not."
"Please, sir, I promise I will never do anything like this again." I was trembling.
"So shall I handcuff your hands behind your back and lead you out to the squad car?"
"No, sir." I was pleading now.
"And then keep you on the sidewalk in front of the theatre while I unlocked the car and made my report?"
"No, sir."
He squeezed my cock and despite everything it began to swell. "Then you could be on display for the whole city block." He squeezed me again. "That get you hard, boy?"
"No, Sir." I was going to lose it and start crying again.
"And then I take you down to the city jail and walk you through the front door and through the waiting room and make you stand there while I turn in my report to the captain?"
"No, Sir." I was trembling again.
"And then put you in the cell with the real felons. I can just see them going for this smooth ass, right off the bat, before the cell is even locked." He rubbed my ass and then slid his fingers down the crack.
"No, sir, please."
"So what will you do for me if I decide not to do those things?"
"Anything, sir." I felt I might get a reprieve.
"Oh, so you would suck my cock?" He pinched one of my nipples.
"Yes, sir." I said without hesitation. Anything to keep from going to jail.
"And you would drink the piss out of my cock?"
"Yes, sir."
"And you would clean out my ass with your tongue?" He gripped my balls and applied pressure.
"Yes, sir." I said through clenched teeth.
"And you would let me fuck you?" He ran his hand along my crack again.
"Yes, sir," I said as tears began to roll down my face.
"And I could call the manager in here and let him watch you do this?" His hand was back on my dick.
"Yes, sir." I said not able to hold back any more. I knew I would be sobbing soon. But whatever it took so that I wouldn't have to be arrested and shame my mom.
"And he could invite his staff in here and they could all watch you do this?" He squeezed my nuts again and I raised up on my toes before agreeing. I would agree to anything at this point.
He released my cock and stepped back a couple of inches. "Are you trying to bribe an officer of that law? Trade sexual favors for leniency?"
"No, sir." I said, totally confused now.
"You just offered to do anything I wanted, if I wouldn't arrest you. Didn't you just agree to that?"
"Yes, sir." Tears continued to roll down my face. I was going to go to jail.
"Do you know that that carries a minimum of 3 years in prison?"
"No, sir."
"Do you know what you would be like after 3 years in prison?"
"No, sir."
"A mess, probably no teeth so you can suck cock better and your hole probably wouldn't close all the way any more." He moved up close to me and looked me right in the eye. "Is that what you want, boy?"
"No, sir." I was a mess now, snot rolling from my nose and my face covered in tears.
"Should I let you go then?"
"Yes, sir, please, sir." I begged.
"So if I open the door right now, you will leave, just as you are and never pull any of this shit again?" He reached over for the door.
I nodded and managed, "Sir."
"Stupid boy. You would be exposing yourself once again!"
I started blubbering then. "Sir, I don't know. I'll do whatever you say, it doesn't matter, but please don't arrest me. Please don't call my Mom. It would kill her." I became hysterical then. "Please!"
"Get a grip, boy!" He reached over and pulled a wad of tissues out of the box on the desk and handed them to me. "Clean yourself up and get yourself under control."
I took the tissues and blew my nose and wiped it and my face. I was shaking so badly and sniveling and having trouble breathing.
Finally, he told me to take a couple of deep breaths and I got it together.
He handed my shorts to me and told me to put them on. I was so grateful I almost started crying again. Then he gave me my shirt. I had gone soft with all the hysterics and was glad I wasn't dealing with that.
He put all the rest of the stuff back in my pack and told me to sit down when he handed it to me. I did and he took the chair at an angle to mine.
"Look, I have worked around the university now for several years and I have seen all kinds of pranks, stunts, drunken behavior, kids high on drugs, suicide attempts, suicides, overdoses, and kids who have had just too much stress in their lives and just cracked. I think you fall into the last category."
I nodded, not trusting my voice anymore. "I hope I scared the shit out you tonight, so that you will think twice before you do something stupid like this again." I nodded my head vigorously.
"Now, I know I great counselor at the university. I want you to promise that you will go see him first thing tomorrow morning." I nodded my head again.
"Now, I am going to drive you back to the university and take you to your dorm room. I am going to make sure you make it home and if your roommate is there, I am going to have him look after you." He paused and looked at my face.
"You can decide what you tell him. I won't tell him anything, except that he needs to keep an eye on you and make sure you get to the counselor first thing in the morning. Do you understand?"
I nodded and then managed a "Yes, sir." I was thinking of seeing Hank and having to explain this all to him.
"Is that your phone making that noise?" he said and pointed to my pack.
I hadn't noticed the faint pinging sound. I nodded, reached in and pulled it out.
There were several more text messages from Blake and Hank and it showed that I had voice mail as well. I silenced it and put it back in my pack and shook my head.
"Girl troubles as well?" he asked.
"Sort of," I mumbled.
"Yeah, add that into the mix of all the pressure of the first couple weeks of the freshman year and you have a real boiling cauldron. Ready to boil over at any moment."
He stood and waited until I stood as well. He opened the door and I heard him say, "Okay, break it up, nothing to see here." He then reached back and grabbed my arm and pulled me forward. I kept my head down and tried not to hear the muttered comments and remarks. I followed him out and got into the passenger side of the squad car, which made me feel better than having to ride in the back.
On the way back to the dorm, he tried to engage me in conversation, but I was only giving short answers, worried about facing Hank.
At the dorm, he parked in front and walked up the stairs with me. We passed several students but they didn't say anything, or if they did, then waited until I was out of earshot.
At my room, I hesitated before opening the door. My hand trembled as I reached for the knob. Before I could turn it, he asked, "Wait, I just thought of something. Is your roommate abusing you in some way and that is why you don't want to go back in there? Or is it that you just don't want to face him with me here?"
"No, just you here and everything." I gave a weak smile, that I didn't feel and turned the knob. I opened the door and saw Hank leap to his feet, he was wearing boxers and that was unusual and then I saw Blake spring up as well. Oh, shit! I thought. But then another guy came into view, an older version of Hank. Who was he?
Both Hank and Blake called out in unison, "Kyle!"
"I am officer Rutherford and you are?" he said indicating Hank.
"I am Hank, Kyle's roommate."
"And you are?" he indicated Blake
"Blake, a friend of Kyle's. A concerned friend." He said and cut a look at Hank before bringing his dimples into play.
"And you?" he indicated the other guy.
"I am Bill, one of Hank's brothers. He called me when he couldn't get hold of Kyle. He was worried."
Oh fuck! What had been going on here? Man, I just wanted to crawl into a hole and pull the dirt in after me. I was so fucked!
Thanks again for all the comments and suggestions.
Special thanks to a gang of proofers this week -- Justin, Kyle, Keith and my constant proofer, Jere. Thanks guys!
I have started a group http://groups.google.com/group/harry-rods-group where guys can post comments and share with others about the story and see some of the pics that have been submitted.
I look forward to your feedback. Harryrod575@yahoo.com
Have fun
harry