Knots III Part 9

Knots III is about the knots we tie in our lives. It is continued story of two fifteen-year-old boys searching for their sexual and emotional identify during their sophomore year in high school. Both boys struggle with doubts about their feelings for each other and the girls in their lives. Each chapter is either a first person account from the two boys, Matt and Andy, or a third person account with a camera's eye on the action in the story. 

Knots and Knots III follow in sequence at the same link.

This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events or locales, is purely coincidental and no slanderous intent is implied.

Contact me at eliassctt@gmail.com. I answer all e-mails.

Support Nifty by making a contribution at http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html

Knots

Chapter 9

Thomas' Day in Court Continued

D.A. Wheeler took a quick glance at the jury after Thomas' last answer, noticed the look on their faces, paused, and said, "No more questions."

Judge Fienberg looked at the defense table. "Are you ready?"

Banta rose. "Yes, Your Honor."

"Thomas, Mr. Wheeler asked you if you were gay and you said you hadn't experienced anything else. Does that mean you've never had sex with a girl?"

"I haven't."

"Would you?"

"I don't know."

"So there's always the possibility that you're not gay?"

Thomas looked down at his hands and then at his parents. "No."

"Are you saying you would never have sex with a girl?"

"No."

Banta appeared flustered after Wheeler made it look like Dillon stole Thomas' innocence.

"Two boys before you testified that you and three other boys had sex together. Is that true?"

"Yes."

"And you want us to believe that Dillon Burke is responsible for you having sex with a bunch of other guys?"

"I didn't say that. What I said was..."

"Just answer the questions."

"Yes, I want you to believe that Dillon is responsible."

Banta started pacing. "If you're gay, how can you blame the defendant?"

"I'd never had sex with a guy or was tempted to have sex with a guy until Dillon Burke."

Banta turned toward the defense table and he got dirty looks from the other two lawyers.

Scott Perrimon, the oldest of the lawyers, stood and walked toward Thomas. He had gray hair and looked like he was in his mid-sixties. Banta got the hint and sat down.

"Hello, Thomas. My name is Mr. Perrimon. How are you today?"

"Fine."

"When was the last time you had sex with another guy?"

Thomas got a shocked look on his face.

Perrimon warned. "Remember, you have sworn to tell the truth."

"Two days ago, I believe."

"Did you have sex with the boy who has accused the defendant," Perrimon pointed at Dillon, "of raping him?"

Thomas paused. "Uh, yes."

"How many times have you had sex with other boys?"

"I don't know."

"Give us a rough guess. Have you had sex more than twenty times?"

Thomas looked up as if he was counting. "Yes."

"You guys are just regular little rabbits, aren't you?"

Wheeler stood. "Objection. Badgering the witness."

"Sustained."

Perrimon smiled. "Withdrawn."

"How many times have you had sex with boys other than the defendant?"

"Uh. Uh. I don't know."

"Let me go through the list. How many times have you had sex with Randy Barnson when Dillon Burke wasn't with you?"

"I don't know."

"More than twenty?"

"Yes."

"More than thirty?"

"Maybe."

"So you've had sex with Randy Barnson at least as many times as you've had sex with the defendant. Is that right?"

Thomas looked down as Perrimon glanced over at Banta with a smile.

"I think so."

"And you're asking this court and this jury to believe you are just an innocent young man who was duped into having sex with the defendant, when in fact, you are just a hedonist?"

Wheeler looked like he was going to rise, but then he relaxed back in his seat.

Thomas looked at Perrimon. "What's a hedonist?"

"A hedonist is a person who seeks pleasure beyond what is normal. Given that definition, would you consider yourself a hedonist?"

"I don't know. What is normal? If you're asking me, do I like sex, I'd have to say yes. Do you like sex?"

There was a ripple of laughter in the courtroom.

"I'm not the witness here. I'll ask the questions."

Banta, Leonard, and some of the jurors were smiling. Perrimon looked frustrated.

"How many times have you had sex with Matt Spence, the boy who accused the defendant of raping him?"

"Two."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"How many times did you have sex with Andy Gibson?"

"Two."

"Two times. Are you sure"

"Yes, I'm sure."

Perrimon realized that he was digging himself into a corner. "Did you and Randy Barnson have the intention of convincing the defendant to have sex with you under the pretense of wanting to learn some football from him?"
"No."

"Did you ever accuse the defendant of raping you?"

"No."

"Did he rape you?"

"No."

Perrimon began to smile as he turned away from Thomas and the jury.

"If I understand things correctly, you willingly had sex with the defendant. Is that correct?"

"Well, uh."

"Answer the question."

"What do you mean by willingly?"

Perrimon moved in close to Thomas. "By willingly, I mean you chose to have sex with him. You made the decision. He did not rape you or force you. So let me ask the question again. Did you willingly have sex with the defendant?"

Thomas gave him a puzzled look. "Kinda."

"By kinda, do you mean you only partially gave your consent?"

"Kinda."

Perrimon walked over to the table to look at his notes just so Thomas would have to sit and wait. He cleared his throat and returned.

"Did the defendant at any time force you to have sex with him?"

"Uh. Uh. No."

Perrimon turned away from Thomas and smiled at the defense table. "No further questions."

Judge Fienberg rapped his gavel. "Let's break for lunch."

Andy

I met Matt just outside the lunchroom. "I told this Jason kid I'd meet with him at lunch. It's obvious no one else wants to meet with us. He thinks he might be gay. You want to join me?"

"Naw, I'm going to see if I can get Gina to talk to me."

Andy shrugged. "Why do you care?"

"I just do. Is that okay with you? You're not the only one in my life."

"Poor you. You'll get a lot more sex from me than you'll ever get from Gina."

"Andy, there's more to life than sex. Someday we'll be fifty and old. How about children?"

I smiled. "Yeah, but that's a long way off and there's plenty of time for a lot of hot sex between now and then. Besides, who's going to suck your dick and stick a dick in your ass? Gina can't do that and she doesn't have a dick to suck. And to answer your last question, I don't want children."

Matt shrugged. "You think that now, but how do you know?"

"I just know."

Matt looked confused and unsure. "No matter what you say about any of this, I'm still conflicted. I don't have any definite answers."

"What the fuck do you mean conflicted?"

"Andy, remember how you tried to seduce me and I got pissed? I never thought I was gay. But because of you I did something I never thought I'd do. I did it because I love you and I thought it's what you needed at the time. So now I find myself horny all the time for your body and Thomas', and in a way Gina's. But I've never had sex with a girl. You have. You decided you prefer dick. I'm not sure what I prefer because I've never experienced anything else. Do you understand? And I also think I might want kids in my old age."

I gave him a shit-eating grin. "Well, I had some hot sex with the girls, so I know more about them than you do. But I knew what I always wanted. I feel sorry for you in a way because you don't know. It's nice knowing. But after this trial and what we're going through with all the shit that people are saying about us, I sometimes wonder if everything we did was worth it."

"Hell, Andy. I think it's just begun."
"You're right. I got a lot of shit in PE today. You probably will too...Anyway, I gotta go and meet this guy Jason Settles. Do you know him?"

"Kind of. He's sort of a shy kid."

"Yeah, that's him."

I headed off with a wave. "Talk to you later. Good luck with Gina and Emily. They'll probably want to bite your dick off rather than suck it."

Matt laughed. "I think you're right."

Matt

I looked for Gina and Emily and the others at lunch, but no one was at our regular table except Ollie. "Glad to see one person is talking to me. I'm sophomore class president and a varsity football player and everyone acts like they don't know me. They smile and say hello, but no one stops to talk. Now I know what it feels like to be shunned. Never knew what it felt like before. It's not like they hate me. It's more like they're disappointed in me for some reason. I think it's the foursome."

Ollie patted me on the back. "I think so too. It's one thing to have sex with one guy or one girl, you know, like a boyfriend or a girlfriend, but to be doing it with a bunch of guys or a whole bunch of guy and girls -- that's kind of out of bounds for most people. Or they're all just jealous."

"I've got to tell you Ollie, we never thought about it that way. We were four guys who were in uncommitted relationships and we had a chance to have sex together. I was kind of against it at first, but I've got to tell you, it was hot."

"Knock it off, you're given me a woody."

"So are you gay or not?"

Ollie grinned. "Hell if I know. Haven't done anything with anyone. I'm willing to give anything a try other than my hand."

This time I patted him on the back. "Be careful. My dad always says, `You don't get anything for nothing,' and he's right. There's a price for everything. We're all paying the price now. Maybe that's why they tell people to wait to have sex. If we were seventeen or eighteen no one would probably care, but we're fourteen and fifteen. You should have seen the faces of the jurors when I testified. Hell, you should have seen the faces of my parents. It makes me want to cry."

Gina and Emily walked into the cafeteria. I got up, "Pardon me for a sec, Ollie." Gina glanced at me as I approached and then sat with Sam and Jill. She acted like she didn't see me even though I know she did. I was going to force them to talk to me, but Sam glanced up and gave me a dirty look. I went back to our table.

They started carrying on like they'd been friends for years. It really pissed me off. Alan and Ernie never did show. They just avoided the whole situation. It seemed like Gina and Emily were trying to piss me off. And to tell the truth, they were pissing me off.

I sat back down with Ollie.

He turned to me. "So when do you want to have sex? You can help me decide if I'm gay, bi, or hetero."

"Never, if I have anything to do with it."

"What a spoilsport you are."

"Ollie, you seem to think this is all fun. It's not. I'm miserable."

He shook his head. "I know how you feel. Everyone treated me like shit when I got here. I know it was kind of my own fault. But people should learn to accept everyone. Why couldn't I be all emo if I wanted to be? What difference should it make?"

"None, Ollie, but we have to accept life the way it is. We want everyone else to change for us, and it's not going to happen. Look how much better things are for you now. If you'd have kept the emo look, you'd still be miserable. The thing with the four of us is that we look the same on the outside, but everyone thinks we've changed on the inside. They think we've been hiding it from them all this time, and I suppose we have."
The lunch bell rang and I ran after Gina. "Gina, wait."

She spun around. "I have nothing to say to you, Matt Spence. I really liked you. I thought you liked me and now I find out you like other boys. If you'd have just told me, I'd have understood, but you didn't feel you could confide in me. That hurts the most."

I thought she was going to say, "Fuck off, Matt." But she grabbed Emily's arm and they walked off to our next class like two lesbians. I followed slowly behind them and kept my mouth shut.

Mr. Abbott gave everyone his usual happy greeting before focusing on me. "Well, hello, Mr. Spence. Guess maybe now you have a better understanding of how Oscar Wilde felt."

I wasn't sure if he was pointing out that I had done some of the same things Wilde did and saying it was okay, or if he was making fun of me. Either way, I have to admit, I pretty much understood a little of what Oscar Wilde must have felt. The big difference was the prejudice against gay people was far worse then, but it sure didn't seem like it at the time. Oscar Wilde went to jail for it. At least I wasn't going to jail, although I was beginning to wonder if it wouldn't be better than what I was going through here. But hell, they'd have probably tried to rape me in juvie.

I ignored Abbott and just sat down as all eyes followed me to my seat.

The bell rang and Gina raised her hand. "Mr. Abbott, what did you mean by that?"

"Miss Lockhart, I think you're smart enough to figure that out for yourself."

She didn't stop. "How did Oscar Wilde's wife and children feel about him being gay?"

I knew the answer to this and felt maybe I was going to get a break.

"Maybe you should do a little more reading Miss Lockhart and come back and tell the class."

That'll teach her, I thought.

"I'll do that Mr. Abbott. Thanks."

I figured she would and then we'd have to go through this in front of the whole class. After class I walked up to Gina and said, "She loved him and accepted him. It was her family that hated him."

"What do you know? I'll find out for myself. In the meantime, stay away from me."

Andy

Jason met me outside the lunchroom. He looked all around as he came up to me. Then he started to walk away. "Jason, I told you I wanted to talk to you about math. Get your ass back here."

He turned back and smiled. "Yeah, sure."

"Let's go outside."

He looked relieved and nodded, then said, "Do you have your math book?"

I patted my backpack. "Yeah, it's right here."

We headed outside and found a table. It was cold out so the place was empty. Usually, I'd have never come out here like that.

He looked around as if there were a bunch of people just waiting to hear what we were talking about. Once he was sure no one was around he asked, "How do you know if you're gay or not?"

I glanced at him. "Have you had sex with anyone?"

"No."

"Why do you think you're gay?"

He turned away and then back again. "I look at guys all the time. Girls don't interest me."

"Do you get a hard-on when you look at them?"

"No. But I love looking at the hot guys. During the summer I sit at the pool and ogle all the hot guys. Doesn't that make me gay?"

I shook my head. "Maybe. Maybe not. I think every guy looks at other guys. They just don't admit it. We all want what we don't have. I'm skinny and have great abs. A lot of guys wish they had my abs and I wish I had their muscles. I like Matt's body. I wish I had his body."

"You've had sex with him."

"Yes, but it wasn't always that way. I admired his body all the time we were growing up. I'd catch him looking at me and he once told me he wished he had my abs. I never thought about having sex with him at first. I just wanted his body because I wasn't happy with mine. There was a little jealousy there."

"So when did you decide you were gay? When did he decide he was gay?'

I grinned. "Well, to be honest, I had sex with girls first. An older girl kind of seduced me. I liked it. But I was always looking at the guys too and thought it would be hot to have sex with a guy. I didn't know any gay guys and it wasn't until Dillon Burke showed an interest in me that I got my chance to try it. And I liked it. I knew then I preferred sex with guys."

"How come you didn't like sex with girls?"

"I did like sex with girls, just not as much as sex with guys."

Jason scooted in closer. "Why did you like sex with guys more than girls?"

It was strange because I'd never really thought much about these things before. "Ummm, I like guys' bodies I guess. Not that I didn't enjoy sucking on a girl's tits. But I love rubbing my hands over a guy's smooth, hard, flat chest. It's different. It's hard to explain. I like feeling a guy's muscles. A dick is like a toy that's wonderful to play with. It has a life of its own. Girls don't have dicks. I guess that's part of it."

He scratched his cheek and ran his other hand through his hair. "I've thought about this stuff. But part of it is the girls don't seem to like me. I asked a few out, but they turned me down. None of them seem interested. And of course I like looking at guys. But hell, I don't have many guy friends either. I'm kinda shy."

"I've noticed," I said and then punched him in the shoulder. "One thing going for any gay guy is that there are fewer of us, and while I'm no expert, gay guys are always looking for other gay guys. You're the second person to want to talk."

"Are you and Matt boyfriends?"

"No."

He smiled. "I guess not since you guys are having sex with other guys. Is that what gay guys do?"

My stomach felt tight and suddenly I felt like I wanted to cry. "I thought I had a boyfriend once, but he was messing around with other guys."

"Yeah, I know. It's been in the news. We know who they're talking about. Are all gay guys like that?"

"I don't know. After Dillon, commitment scares me."

Jason gave me a serious look. "What should I do?"

"If I were you, I'd do nothing for now. You have plenty of time. Look what happened to all of us. Yeah, it doesn't always go like that, but hell, I remember a time when the best time in my life was when Matt and I rode our bikes out to the old swimming hole and just had a great time. Suddenly, we were no longer kids and sex became the most important thing in our lives. Don't get me wrong, it's hot, but I sometimes wonder what it would have been like if I went back to where you are now."

He gave me an odd look. "You mean confused?"

"Look, I know guys who have never been on a date with anyone. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with you. You have plenty of time to decide if you're gay or not. You hear of these kids that say they knew they were gay when they were eight. Hell, they haven't even had a real hard-on yet, and they think they know they're gay. I didn't go through that so maybe I shouldn't be critical, but hell, if it hadn't been for this Dillon shit, I'm not sure I would have ever told anyone at school I was gay. Why go through all that shit if you don't have to? I did tell my parents and Matt's parents, but no one else."

Jason relaxed his shoulders. "Maybe you're right. There's no hurry. But if someone is looking for a boyfriend, don't be afraid to tell them about me."

He and I both stood and started back toward the main building. I patted him on the back. "If you need to talk again, let me know. I'm not sure I was much help, but I can only tell you about my own experience. Hope it helped. Just relax and accept your feelings. Don't be ashamed of them or ashamed of who you are.

He stopped and looked at me like he wanted to give me a hug. I stepped back as he said, "Thanks, Andy. I really appreciate it."

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Chapter Quotes

Patience and time do more than strength or passion. -- Jean de La Fontaine

All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion, desire. -- Aristotle

If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.-- Benjamin Franklin

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Contact me at eliassctt@gmail.com I answer all emails.

I'd like to thank Lisa for taking the time to edit Knots 1, 2, & 3. As the author, I take final responsibility for all parts of the story, including any errors.

This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events or locales, is purely coincidental and no slanderous intent is implied.