Knots

Knots II Part 33

Knots II is about the knots we tie in our lives. It is continued story of two fifteen-year-old boys searching for their sexual and emotional identify during their sophomore year in high school. Both boys struggle with doubts about their new feelings for each other and the girls in their lives. Each chapter is either a first person account from the two boys, Matt and Andy, or a third person account with a camera's eye on the action in the story. 

Knots and Knots II follow in sequence at the same link.

This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events or locales, is purely coincidental and no slanderous intent is implied.

Contact me at eliassctt@gmail.com. I answer all e-mails.

Support Nifty by making a contribution at http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html

Andy

            Matt and I walked the two blocks home from where the activity bus dropped us off.  I wanted to kiss him and grab his dick, but I waited until the bus was out of sight and then I kissed him.  He was surprised.  And then you know what he told me?  "Gina kissed me at lunch, and her lips were really soft.  I liked it."

           "Yeah, but she doesn't have a dick to suck or put in your ass."  Maybe I shouldn't have said it, but as you already know, sometimes I don't know when to keep my mouth shut.

           Matt shoved me.  "Maybe not, but just because you and I are having sex, doesn't mean I don't like girls."

            I stopped.  "Come on, Matt.  You know you like guy sex.  Like I said, girls don't have dicks to suck or put in your ass."

           He smiled and hit me in the shoulder.  "You have a point.  But hell, our dicks and asses are grounded, so it really doesn't matter."

           "It's sad isn't it?  And I still have to deal with Randy.  What the hell am I going to do?"

  Matt started walking and I could see his breath as he talked.  "Tell your parents. Your mom and dad will appreciate you telling them."

           I frowned.  "I don't think I can do that."

           "Why not?"

            "I've never talked to them about things like that.  Yeah, they know I'm gay, but except for the one time with Randy and Kyle, I never discussed having sex with guys."

           He stopped again. "Look, you and your parents have a deal. They probably don't want to hear about any of that stuff either, but I'm sure they'd rather have you tell them than have Randy and Kyle come over and join you in a threesome."

           The thought made my heart skip and my dick start to rise.

           I faced him.  "You're right.  But I'm horny as hell.  I need some sex."

           He put both his hands on my shoulders.  "Well, buddy, you're just going to have to suck it up and use your hand and a dildo.  Your other options aren't good.  You could end up without a cell phone, football, and no sex for a lot longer than a month."

           I put my hands on his and squeezed them.  "I guess I'll have to settle for holding hands." 

           He pulled away.  "Not here."

           "How `bout a kiss?  We can step into the dark."

           "Forget it, Andy.  No sense in tempting you any more than you already are."

           He started walking again and I finally gave up, still unsure what I was going to do.  I watched him walk up the driveway and enter his house before going two houses down to my own. 

*****

            My parents were watching TV when I got home.  "Hi, honey," my mom said.  My dad looked away from the TV.  "Sorry you couldn't play tonight.  Guess you were hurt more than we thought."

            "I was."  I started toward my room and then turned back.  "I have to tell you something."

            My parents stared at me with a look of surprise.  They waited.

            "I'm not sure how to tell you."

            My mom smiled.  "Andy, we love you.  There isn't anything you can't tell us."

            Her confidence didn't make me feel any better.  I paused.  "It's not important."

            Disappointment fell across their faces.  "Are you sure?" my dad asked.

            "Yeah.  I'm sure."  I turned and headed to my room.

            I was taking my clothes off when I heard a knock on the door.  "Can I come in?"  My dad walked in with an awkward look covering him from head to toe.

            I nodded.  "Yeah."

            "I know you have something to tell us.  We're here for you.  You can tell us anything."

            I hung my pants over the back of my chair.  "Not this."

            "Does it have something to do with our contract?"

            I nodded.  "Kinda."  I slipped my shirt off and climbed into bed, hoping to avoid him.

            He sat on the end of my bed.  He surprised me when he said, "Love requires trust."  Hell, we'd hardly ever talked about love and now it was all he seemed to want to talk about.

            I pulled the covers up to my chin.  "I'm tired.  It was stressful standing on the sidelines."

            My dad smiled and patted the covers over my foot.  "Okay.  But we're ready to listen when you're ready to talk."

            "Thanks, Dad."

            He rose and walked slowly to the door as if he expected me to say something.  He turned back.  "Goodnight, Andy.  We love you."

            I could feel tears forming in my eyes.  But I couldn't tell him. 

Matt

            I wasn't sure if Andy was going to make it through the weekend.  He didn't want to tell his parents about Randy.  He wanted to hold hands and kiss in the dark, but for some reason it didn't seem right.  Disappointment crossed his face.  He stood at the end of our driveway and longingly stared at me as I walked to the front door.  He was still looking as I entered the house.

            I told him about Gina's soft lips.  Andy didn't like that either.  It was just an observation.  Gina likes me.  I like her.  With Gina though, it wasn't about sex.  Not that I wouldn't have been willing, if she was.  I tried once.  She told me she wasn't ready.  There was a time when I wouldn't have even tried.  But after having sex with Andy, my attitudes toward sex changed a lot.  I felt experienced, and it gave me confidence.  I couldn't help but wonder if this is the way Dorian Gray felt when he decided that all passions were good.

*****

            Andy and I may have been grounded.  He might not be able to talk to his parents, but I could talk to mine.  They were both sitting in the living room reading when I came in.

            "Nice game, Matt," they said in unison.

            "Thanks.  It really felt great."  I smiled.  "I kept picturing them carrying me off the field on their shoulders."

            They both laughed.  My dad put a bookmark in his book and closed it.  "That only happens in movies."

            "I'm afraid you're right."  I paused.  "I need to tell you something."

            They waited for me.

            "Randy is planning on coming over to Andy's while his parents are out on Sunday.  I told Andy he should tell his parents, but I don't think he will."

            My dad asked a question that I didn't want to answer.  "Why is that important?"

            "I can't tell you, but it is.  You need to let his parents know about Randy or let me go over his house on Sunday."

            My mom set her book on the table.  "You sound serious."

            "I am." 

            My dad pursed his lips and turned his head back and forth as thought about what to do.  "I'll call his parents.  Andy won't have to know.  They can just decide to stay home on Sunday."

             I let out a breath. "That might work.  But make sure they don't let Andy know I told you."

            He smiled.  "It's our secret.  You're a good friend, Matt."

            My dad pulled out his cell and called Andy's parents.  I was afraid Andy was going to answer, but according to his dad, he'd gone to bed because he was tired. 

            I thanked my parents and headed to my room to read as much of The Picture of Dorian Gray as I could.  Dorian Gray appeared to be the main character, but much of what Dorian does is because of Lord Henry, who told him, "it's more important to be beautiful than good."  There wasn't any evidence that Lord Henry actually lived the life he encouraged Dorian to live.  It's not exactly the same, but Randy reminded me of Lord Henry.  The only difference was he practiced what he preached.

            Basil, the painter, was headed to Paris, but stopped by to talk to Dorian before leaving.  His bags had been sent off ahead of him.  Basil told Dorian he'd heard terrible things about him, but he couldn't believe them because Dorian was as handsome as he'd been the day Basil painted him.  I was reminded of Lord Henry's words, "It's more important to be beautiful than good."

Of course, Dorian knew his life is reflected in the painting and not in his face.  So Basil's kind words angered him.  He took Basil to the locked room where he kept the painting and showed it to him.  Basil was overcome by the ugliness and pain caught in the painting.  The reality of it made him realize that Dorian was guilty of all that he'd been accused of.  Dorian realized he couldn't let Basil leave with his knowledge of the picture.  He picked up a knife lying on the table and stabbed Basil to death. 

What a surprise.  He actually killed Basil, his good friend.  You come to understand how far Dorian has sunk.  He's ruined the lives of young men and women in London because of his unrestrained passion.  His first love killed herself because of his cruelty and now he killed Basil.  He got one of the young men with whom he'd done something that wasn't spelled out in the book, but of course I knew they were having sex.  Dorian threatened to blackmail him if he didn't use his knowledge of chemistry to dispose of the body.  The young man got rid of the body and was later found dead from suicide.  Dorian was leaving a trail of misery in the lives of everyone he touched.  Yes, he had tied hundreds of knots which were beginning to strangle him.

I wanted to finish the book, but my eyes grew heavy.  I closed the book, turned the light off, and rolled over to sleep.  But as soon as my head hit the pillow, I thought of Andy and his parents.  It took a while before I fell sleep.

Andy

            I just couldn't tell my parents. My dad looked hopeful as well as disappointed all day Saturday.  But guess what.  They stayed home on Sunday.  I didn't know why, but was surprised when I had competing emotions.  Half of me was hoping Randy and Kyle would come while my parents were gone.  The other half wanted to keep my agreement with my parents.  It had originally been because I didn't want to lose my cell phone and wanted to stay on the football team.  That day, I learned that while two desires were pulling me apart, it was important that I not let my parents down. 

            I was sitting at my desk looking at the picture of Matt and me.  The glass was still cracked.  A smile crossed my face and then the doorbell rang.

            My dad yelled down the hall, "I got it."

            This wasn't one of those saved by the bell experiences, but I knew who it was and wanted to run to the door to see the look on Randy's face.  Instead, I slithered down the hall to get close enough to hear them.

            Randy cleared his throat.  "Hello, Mr. Gibson.  Is Andy home?"

            "Yes, but he's grounded."

            "Can we see him?"

            "Sorry, grounded means he can't see anyone, not even Matt."

            "We'll just be a minute."

            "Like I said, he's grounded."

            I heard Kyle's voice.  "Let's go, Randy, Andy's grounded."

            Randy let out a defeated, "Yeah, we'd better go."

            I heard my dad close the door, and because the whole thing made me so horny, I rushed back to my room, jumped into bed naked, and beat off under the covers.  Normally, I'd have beat off in the open air because it makes being naked feel so much better, but now that my parents made me leave my door open, I didn't have much choice but to get under the covers.

Matt

            Andy stopped by my house on the way to the bus stop.  "You'll never believe what happened, Matt.  I tried telling my parents about Randy and Kyle, but couldn't.  But they stayed home on Sunday.  They must have sensed something was up."

            "Boy, are you lucky."

            "Yeah, really lucky.  I was ready to do anything Randy and Kyle wanted."

            Matt shook his head.  "You have three more weekends. You better do something."

            "I don't know what to do.  All I can hope for is that Randy and Kyle will give up until football is over."

            "I don't think Randy will give up that easily.  Maybe you should ask your parents to run their errands on Saturday instead of Sunday.  That would be a good compromise and save you from having to do any more explaining."

            Andy smiled and patted me on the back.  "Damn good idea, Matt.  That's what I'll do."

*****

            On Monday, there were a bunch of kids gathered around at what looked like a fight in front of the school.  Andy and I ran over and found Mel Jacobs, Tim Barnes, and Jim Garcia pushing Oliver against the wall.

            Barnes grabbed Ollie by the shirt and pulled his face close to his.  "So you thought you could fool us by changing the way you look.  Lots of luck.  You're still the same skinny little fag you were before."

            Ollie pushed him away and then hauled off and hit him right in the mouth.  Barnes fell back as he rubbed his hand over his mouth and saw blood.  Mel Jacobs yelled at Barnes.  "Are you going to let that little skinny fag get away with that?"

            Barnes had a look of shock on his face.  It was obvious Ollie hurt him.  He charged Oliver and knocked him against the wall.  He gave Oliver a number of quick body punches.  Oliver covered his body with his arms to ward off the blows.   Barnes was getting the best of him until Oliver pushed Tim away and hit him in the side of the head two more times before Barnes gave Ollie a solid hit in the face.  Ollie slumped to the ground.   Andy and I grabbed Barnes.  Andy swung him around.  Barnes had blood all over his face.  I shouldn't have done it, but I started to smile.  Andy kept a straight face as he moved in close to Barnes, Jacobs, and Garcia.  "If I ever catch you pulling this shit on Oliver again, Matt and I are going to kick the shit out of you.  Got it?"

            I rushed over to help Ollie.

            "Who the fuck you think you are, fag lover?"

            Andy smiled.  "Looks like the fag did a pretty good job on that ugly face of yours."

            Barnes rubbed the back of his hand across his mouth.  "He caught me by surprise is all."

            Oliver got up slowly and walked up to Barnes.  Barnes stared him in the face and said, "You're nothing but a skinny fag."  Then he spit blood in Ollie's face. Oliver punched Barnes in the stomach and brought his foot up between his legs.  Barnes went down with one hand on his balls and the other on his side.  The crowd started to cheer just as Dax came up to see what was going on.

            He shook his head.  "Not again."

            He pushed all four of them against the wall.  Ollie's face was bloodied too.  "You know fighting is a suspendable offense?"  All four nodded.  "Come with me."  Ollie glanced at Andy and me and gave us a big smile.  We patted him on the back as the spectators yelled, "Way to go, Ollie."

            Barnes, Jacobs, and Garcia hung their heads.  Ollie stood tall.  All four were suspended for the rest of the week.  But you know what, those four never bothered Ollie again.

*****

            Andy shook his head.  "I didn't think Ollie had it in him."

            "Neither did I."

            Andy got all philosophical.  "You want to know what I think?"

            "No, but I know you're going to tell me anyway."

            "I think that the bullies and the bullied are both cowards.  The bullies pick on the kids they think are too wimpy to fight back and the wimpy kids are too afraid to fight back because they're scared they'll get hurt even worse.  Oliver did the right thing.  Yeah, he got suspended and bloodied, but I bet Barnes and the other two won't bother him again.  It took courage to do what he did.  Sometimes you have to just take your licks.  Those kids that come to school and kill a bunch of people are just big cowards. They take that shit from the bullies day in and day out because they don't have the courage to fight back and at least try to kick some ass. They're afraid to get hurt.  Instead they put up with that shit until they can't take it anymore and then do something.  Like I said, they're all cowards."

            I put my arm over his shoulder.  "You're something else, Andy.  I never know what's going to come out of your mouth.  And speaking of cowards, don't you think you should talk to your parents and tell Randy to fuck off? 

            He took my arm from around his shoulders.  "Aren't you afraid someone might get the wrong idea?"

            "In your case, no."

            Andy smiled at me as we split up and headed to class.

*****

            The rest of the week went smoothly.  Evan, Oliver, Tim Barnes, Mel Jacobs, and Jim Garcia were out for the week.  Andy and I were grounded so we couldn't go see Ollie.  We didn't know his phone number so we just had to wait until he returned to find out what the hell got into him.  He showed a lot more courage than we expected.

Andy      

            I finally listened to Matt and talked to my parents about Randy.  They agreed to run their errands on Saturday.  As it turned out, Randy didn't come by that next Sunday.  Gordon Thompson was the starting quarterback that Friday.  Matt saw some playing time and so did Kutcher because we were ahead by three touchdowns.  Thompson was pretty damn good.

            I started and we won.  Unfortunately, I still felt I was walking in Matt's shadow and was jealous of his success on the varsity.  But I finally figured it was time for me to grow up and be happy for him.

            Ollie was back on Monday.  Matt and I cornered him as soon as we got to school.  He had a big grin on his face as he put his arm around both our shoulders and walked with us down the hall.  "If it hadn't been for you guys, I'd have just taken those assholes' crap. When they jumped me, something happened inside.  I had confidence thanks to all of you guys.  I figured I didn't have to put up with their shit.  You should have seen Barnes' face when I first hit him.  His cheek scrunched in.  It stopped him for a second.  He turned back to me with his eyes wide.  It was obvious he just expected me to take their shit.  All the time I'm thinking, Oliver, you're just a skinny little turd.  They're going to kick the shit out of you if you fight them.  But what the hell, Ollie.  They're probably going to kick the crap out of you anyway.  That's when I decided to fight.  I figured I only had to catch Tim Barnes by surprise and his fellow bullies would be as shocked as he was."

            Andy stopped and turned toward Ollie.  "Way to go, man.  We didn't think you had it in you.  You're full of surprises."

            "You guys believed in me and cared about me.  That's what made the difference."

            "Glad we could help," I said.

            "It was all of you, Thomas, Gina, Alan, Emily, and you two guys.  That's the first time girls ever paid any attention to me.  Hell, it was one of the first times anyone paid any attention to me except to harass and intimidate me.  You guys made a difference in my life."

            I have to tell you, what he said made me feel proud.  It was better than my short stint playing in the Piedmont High game.  "Thanks, Ollie.  That means a lot."

            Andy patted him on the back.  "I don't think those assholes will bother you again.  Bullies like to pick on people who won't fight back."

            He gave each of us a big smile.  "Thanks again.  See you guys at lunch."

*****

            Gina and the rest of the gang were all over Ollie at lunch telling him how proud of him they were. 

            "What did your parents say?" Emily asked.

            "At first they were angy.  I'd never been suspended before. But then my parents really never seemed to know much about my life.  They let me dress the way I wanted.  They didn't ask much about school.  They were happy as long as I was getting C's.  Sometimes I think they were just afraid to ask.  So when I got suspended, they were surprised and wanted to know why I got into a fight.  They had no idea about the bullies because I never told them, and they never asked."

            Gina squinted.  "What did they say when you came home with bruises on your face or your clothes torn?"

            "I just told them I fell or got hurt in P.E.  They were happy with that because I think they really didn't want to know."

            "Did you tell them this time?" Gina asked.

            "Yeah, I said these three guys were picking on me and I hit one of them.  I left it at that."

            Thomas leaned on the table.  "Did they ground you or anything?"

            "Nah.  They said they were just happy I didn't get badly hurt.  Actually, so was I.  Although my face and sides hurt most of the week. I guess I'm a warrior.  I have the wounds to prove it."

            We all laughed and went back to our lunch.

            Ollie never stopped smiling all through lunch.  Tim Barnes and his henchmen came into the cafeteria and were looking around when they spotted Oliver.  Barnes came over and the others followed.  He put his hand out to shake hands with Ollie.  "Sorry, man.  You're one tough little mother.  I'll know better than to mess with you next time."

            Oliver grabbed his hand and they shook.  I was afraid Andy would say something like, So now you don't think we're fags, but he didn't. 

            Just as they left, Andy and I caught sight of Evan staring at Andy.  Sam hit him in the arm.  "Knock it off."

            We could barely hear Evan, but I thought I heard him say, "I'm going to get that son-of-a-bitch."

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Chapter Quotes

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.-  Nelson Mandela

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' - Eleanor Roosevelt

The only service a friend can really render is to keep up your courage by holding up to you a mirror in which you can see a noble image of yourself.  - George Bernard Shaw

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Contact me at eliassctt@gmail.com  I answer all emails.

I'd like to thank Lisa for taking the time to edit Knots.  As the author, I take final responsibility for all parts of the story, including any errors. 

This story is a work of fiction.  Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously.  Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events or locales, is purely coincidental and no slanderous intent is implied.