Was I taking this too far? I didn't want to hurt him. I loved him.
"Yeah," I repeated "I wish this moment would just go on and on and on. You and me. Together like this."
I turned quickly and began rinsing the soap from my body. Deep down I knew that if I continued talking I was gonna regret what I said. Matt placed his hands on my shoulders, pressed up against my backside, and nibbled on my ear.
"Not now," I said with a slightly irritated tone. Undoubtedly he had noticed the change in my attitude and understood what I was thinking about.
I stepped out from under the water and squeezed past Matt as he walked into it. Grabbing my towel from its holder, I hurriedly exited the bathroom. Moisture began to form on my lower eyelids and I prepared myself for the onslaught of uncontrollable emotion. Honestly, I have never been a big crier, but in the past two days I have had more tears then I've had since my dad left me and my mom when I was eight. I shuddered at the thought of what would happen if he... if any one... ever found out about what I had done today.
I pulled a fresh pair of boxers and shorts from my drawer as well as a Hawaiian t-shirt Matt had brought me back from his trip to the big island last Christmas. It was a tight fit, but I thought it looked damn good on me.
'God,' I thought, 'I am acting like a queer and now dressing like one too.'
I quickly removed the shirt and swapped it out for something loose, baggy, and as unstylish as I could find. Something I would wear while watching football. Clearly, a need had a risen for me to reassert my manliness, and curiously it was satisfied by making myself look like a slob. I heard the shower shut off and smiled in anticipation of Matt's arrival. It was not an accident that I had taken the last towel.
Looking like a wet dog Matt strolled out of the bathroom and into my gaze. He was butt naked and not the slightest bit ashamed of it. His perfect skin shone with a golden tone from the light that hung above. What a stud. I looked him over from top to bottom and tried to figure out which part was my favorite. His eyes were a deep blue and where as sharp as cut gems. His chest was well defined but not bulky, and sported two hot, fleshy nipples. Yeah that was and all, but I was absolutely crazy about his belly button. It was a dead tie between sexy as fuck and cute as a hell. I glanced down at his strong legs and noted the dark hairs which lay flat against them because they were wet. In high school, we were both involved in sports. I was a wrestler and he was a sprinter. And judging by legs alone it would be obvious to anyone who did what. I gave in to my lust and finally acknowledged the fine looking thing that sat right in the middle. Soft and long, his cut dick swung like a pendulum while he walked. His plump nuts were pulled tight up into him because the room was freezing. I think the winner of this contest is obvious.
"What you lookin' at?" Matt asked.
"Oh, just some sizzling piece of meat that happened to stumble in." He blushed as I made this remark.
Even before our little encounter this morning, he and I often exchanged comments like this. I always thought it was just a thing guys did trying to be funny, but for him it must have been much more. Something seriously erotic. Surely, he knew that now I really meant what I was saying. Right?
He stepped into a comfortably worn in pair of jeans and fumbled for a moment with the button.
'Nothing underneath?' I thought, 'That seems unusual.'
I sat down on my bed, he on his and an awkward silence fell over us. I covertly looked in his direction and watched the sides of his stomach tighten up as he inhaled. I wanted to profess my love for him. To tell him that I didn't care what the world thought. That it was perfectly normal for me to be crazy about him even though he was a guy. But I didn't.
"Matt, I don't know whats going on with me." I said instead. "I like this, this uh, change in our friendship. I really like it... but I am afraid of where it will go."
"What do you mean?" he asked sharply.
"I mean, that I don't want to find out what how I really feel about you. I am not gay, or even bi. It's just you. That is all this is. I am not gonna get a fucking label." I responded. "When we get back home, I will deny any of this ever happened, and forget about it forever. You will be nothing to me other then a friend, and all of this confusing shit going on in my head will be gone for good."
He leaned over and engulfed me in a rough, almost violent kiss.
"What was that?" He said with an anger that was developing in his gut, "Was that nothing? Was that confusing? I know you felt it, don't even try to lie."
"Yeah, I felt it." I said quietly,"It was awesome."
He was ripping me apart. I was trying so hard but he was not letting me do what I knew had to be done.
"Then what are you afraid of?" He shouted.
Oh god... I could feel it coming. I was rapidly approaching the moment when my emotions would get the upper hand.
"Because..." I began, steadily increasing the volume of my voice as I continued, "Because, I am fucking in love with you you asshole! Hear me? I love you like I have never loved anyone else before. I can feel it. I can feel it you son of a bitch so just leave me alone!"
By this point I was crying. I had never cried in front of him before, ever. But now I couldn't stop. My heart pounded and I became weak to the feelings that had erupted inside of me.
I stood up and pushed him down flat onto the bed as hard as I could. I flopped down on top of his body and instantly began kiss him. I reached my hand down and undid the button on his jeans he had just put on. He seemed shocked by my aggressive actions. I was too. I unzipped his fly, reached in, and gripped his soft cock tightly.
"But can you feel this?" I said into his ear passionately.
I slipped off his jeans and did the same with my own. I lifted his legs up over his head exposing his hot little ass. I didn't really know what I was doing, but I did know that I had a primal urge to pound the shit out of something.
"How 'bout this? Can you feel this you bastard?" I said as I pressed my now erect cock into the crevice between his ass cheeks.
"Oh fuck Brett!" he breathed.
I had no god damn idea how to do this. I just knew I wanted to...bad. Judging from his quiet moans I think Matt did too. I became absorbed in the moment and felt like I was no long in control of my own body. My mind began (a little late if I do say so) to comprehend what I was about to do. I immediately felt a wave of repulsion. I wanted to fuck him so bad even though my mind screamed "Stop this now!". I was moving closer towards the point of no turning back, unable to stop.
My hands began to line my dick up with his tight asshole. When all looked good I slowly pressed into it.
"FUCK!" Matt screamed.
Was that a scream of pain or pleasure. My mind swirled through the possibilities. I kept on going in, not willing or able to end this without finishing what I had begun.
"OH MY GOD!" He continued, this time with a little less panic in his voice.
I slid further in until his smooth butt was pressed into my pubes. I was inside of him, and my cock, my balls, everything pulsed with an electric fury. A trickle of sweat ran down the side of my face and mixed with my tears. I slowly began pumping in and out of him. I could feel in my dick the the heat being emitted through his ass and it turned me on even more. I began to speed up.
"Oh fuck Brett!" Matt said. He sounded exasperated.
I pushed in and out of him, only barely aware of my actions. I knew I was fucking him, but could not understand why. The tight tunnel of his ass pushed against my dick. I slid in and out rhythmically. Without any persuasion he began to mirror my movements. Our bodies moved together in unison, and for a brief moment, I felt as though we were one. I leaned onto his back and continued my selfish actions.
My balls began to have that familiar tingle in them and I knew in seconds I was gonna cum. I sped up my motion and jammed my dick as deep inside of him I could with every forceful push forward. I pounded his ass again and again.
"Shit! Fuck!" he said in a warbling voice. Was he enjoying this? Was this what it was supposed to feel like. An enormous guilt descended on me. I struggled to hold back, but I was fighting a loosing battle against my own conscience.
"I am so sorry Matt!" I whimpered in confusion, before beginning to blast hot shots of semen into him.
My cock pulsed as each fiery jet exited me and entered him. I cried as my orgasm peaked and then declined. My heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to explode. I slowed and leaned forward. For a few moments just sat trying to catch my breath. Then I gently kissed the back of his neck and withdrew my rapidly wilting penis from his ass.
I collapsed onto the floor between our beds and sobbed. What did I just do? How could I let this happen. I just violated my best friend. I came in his ass. I hated myself. I just fucked a guy. I was ashamed. It felt incredible. How? Why? What was wrong with me! How was I going to figure this out! My body was numb and I began to tear absentmindedly at the bandage on my hand. Within seconds I had my first glimpse of what the pain I had inside had done to me. I saw the embodiment of all my misery. The wound on my hand which Matt had stitched for me was red and swollen. I stared at it in amazement thought about what I had done to myself. Then the feeling returned. A bolt of heat shot through me and I tossed my head back in agony. It was so good to feel something and know whether it was good or bad. I cried from the pain, both physical and emotional. I closed my eyes and tried to find away out of the darkness.
'It was too late' I kept on telling myself, 'I am lost.'
And then there he was. A friendly face in the fog. My rock. He held me close against his chest and rubbed my back softy.
"Shhhhhh." He whispered, "Everything is gonna be fine. You didn't do anything wrong. It is going to be alright. Just breath."
"I love you so much Matt." I said through my tears gasping for air.
I wanted to make it through this pain. I wanted to be with him.
"I know... I love you too." he responded.
We sat together on the ground for hours, just listening to ourselves breathing. Each quietly basking in the presence of the other, and resting in the certainty that no matter how we felt inside, we were not alone. We had each other.
To be continued.