His eyes burned through me and I turned to escape his glare. Robby shot me a questioning glance, but I just shook my head. My new life had ended before it even started. I climbed the steps out of the pool grabbed my clothing, and coolly walked to the changing rooms. My mind raced through the various scenarios that could potentially unfold before me.
I put my clothing back on and met a half naked Robby in the doorway of the shower.
"Is that him?" he asked "The guy you were telling me about earlier?"
I nodded.
"You are in love with him aren't you?"
"I don't know." I whimpered, "I crave his attention, I lust for his body, I treasure his smile. My heart flutters when he calls my name, and my knees get week when he brushes up against me. But he will never be mine. How can a person love an impossibility?"
A deep sigh escaped my chest as I finished. Robby pulled me into him and gave me a tight embrace.
"Nothing is impossible." he whispered.
I pulled back slightly and looked into his charcoal eyes. They portrayed a life of immeasurable pain and immense strength. A life full of sorrow and emptiness. I kissed him and rubbed my hands down his arms.
"Tonight..." I trailed off as he put his finger to my lips.
We stepped out of the changing room and walked slowly back down the beach. He held my hand and for once I truly felt whole. I had been denying myself for so long that I couldn't even remember what absolute happiness felt like. Now I was living it. The sand sifted through my toes as I inhaled the salty air.
We walked quietly for what must have been a couple hours, but only seemed like minutes. I dreaded the moment that I knew was coming; not sure of what to do. We stopped for a moment and stared at the beach ahead of us. I looked at my old footprints which lead from the parking area and down to the waterline. Those steps I took were full of uncertainty and sorrow, so different then the ones which now trailed behind me.
I looked just past Robby as the sun began to rise over a new day. I leaned forward one last time, and pressed myself into his beautiful body. This was who I was.
"You did something to me last night that I will never be able to thank you enough for." I said into his shoulder, not willing to let him see the tears now forming in my eyes.
I felt him chuckle as he said "Well, what exactly are you thanking me for, the bj, cause that was fun for me too." It was evident that he was trying to end the feeling of gloom that hung over us, but I wanted him to know I was serious. I touched his face.
"I am gay and I will not let myself hide it anymore. You showed me that what I feel isn't wrong... that it isn't something to be ashamed of; but in fact is something truly beautiful." Tears streamed down my cheek onto his bare chest. He held me close to him and I felt his warmth. We stood in silence for a moment.
"So I guess you have some things to clear up back at the hotel." He said trying to sound tough. It was a cute, but terrible attempt.
"Yeah, I guess so." I responded.
Then he kissed me. It was like something out of a movie. The sun was rising on an empty beach, a warm breeze blew. Not a cloud in the fiery sky. His tongue swirled in my mouth, and I could feel passion pulsing through his body. He stepped back, with my hand in his, and looked at me through watery eyes.
"I guess I'll see you around" he said. "You know where to find me" and with that he turned and walked away.
I listened to his gentle sobbing in the distance, as I remembered how this night began. A shirt full of blue cheese dressing, and a basket of wings. I couldn't help but laugh at the thought.
'Yeah, I'll remember where to find you' I thought to myself. I would never forget him, or the night that we shared together.
I walked back up the beach, trying to figure out how to explain myself to Brett. I mean, I can't believe that he was absolutely clueless as to my sexuality... but at the same time he was so wrapped up in his own I guess he never noticed my lack of a love life. I strained to remember a situation when he might have mentioned, or commented on a gay guy negatively, but I couldn't. I don't think we ever even discussed it. The breeze blue across my face as I watched a flock of seagulls swoop down and start picking at the treasures left by the high tide. It was such a gorgeous morning I found it hard to think about the potential disaster that awaited me at the hotel.
By the time I reached the place where Robby and I had spent the early hours of the morning, a few beach goers were already there setting up umbrellas and laying out towells. From there, the short walk to the entrance to the pool deck, seemed to last forever. Just hours earlier I was staring at an Adonis-like figure in front of me, now an old lady's winkled ass. I smiled at the contrast.
I climbed the exterior staircase to our floor, and prepared myself for whatever awaited me. I was just gonna tell him exactly what he is now guessing... that I am gay... and be as honest with him about it as possible. Its all I could do. I rehearsed what I was going to say in my head, as I stepped into the hallway and headed to our room.
The door was locked. I reached into my pocket for the key card.
'Maybe he took off.' I thought.
The light on the lock mechanism turned green and I pushed open the heavy beige door. The shades were still drawn so I walked in, and headed towards the sleeping area expecting to find him there.
"Brett listen..." I began after purposely slamming the door. I walked quickly towards the back of the room.
Where the fuck was he. His bed was empty, but his cigarettes were still on the table so I knew he couldn't be far. I turned around and noticed that the bathroom light was on. I stepped slowly closer and began my speech again.
"I am gay. I get turned on by guys. I like dudes. That's it. There is nothing else. I have been this way for years but didn't want to tell you because..."
"Damn it, What did you do!" I screamed as I entered the bathroom.
What fuck happened! My mind raced a million miles an hour as I saw my best friend, my secret love, slumped over in a puddle of his own blood. I stepped in and winced as a piece of broken glass embedded itself in my foot.
"Shit!" I yelped in pain.
I shuffled over and knelt down beside him. There were a couple pretty nasty looking wounds on his fist. I did not... and could not... want to know how they got there. I grabbed the blood soaked hand and checked for a pulse.
"Thank god!" I exclaimed. His heartbeat was steady and strong.
He stirred as I said this, and then reached forward and pulled me towards him.
"Matt." he said, then whispered something inaudible, and slumped further over onto his knees.
"Lets get you into the light." I said as I lifted him onto my shoulder.
Even in his weakened state his muscles felt hard and defined. While stumbling across room I flipped the lights. The darkness disappeared. After laying him down on the couch I took a look at his injured fist.
"Okay think." I said out loud, "This is what you are going to school for."
I suddenly became grateful that I even though I was studying to become an oncologist I had paid attention during my emergency medicine courses. I went to the sink, grabbed a glass of water and returned to dump it on Brett's wound.
"Wow." I said. The dried blood had hidden a deep, but very clean incision.
If there ever was a text book case of a laceration in need of sutures this was it. I poked inside it a little to make sure there was no serious internal damage. Man he really lucked out with this one.
I suddenly remembered Brett joking earlier, "Look, we can play doctor" and went to his bedside table to find a first aid kit. Bingo.
Thirty tense minutes later, I began to clean up the bloody paper towells and wrappers on the floor. Wiping my sweaty brow I wondered how people did this for a living. My head was still spinning so I sat down on my bed and looked across at his sleeping body. He was incredibly masculine. His strong arms were stretched behind his back revealing a wonderful dark patch of hair in his under arm. I stared at the rhythmic rising and falling of his chest as he breathed. His abs flexed as he shifted slightly.
"Oh shit" I whined, as his soft penis slipped through the slit in his boxers.
That was just too much for me. I wanted to touch him so bad. Slinking into the bathroom I decided to try and take care of the mess in there. My mind wandered back to Brett. How the fuck was I gonna make him understand how I felt? How was I gonna save this friendship which meant so much to me? My dick throbbed and I groped it through my shorts. I wanted him bad.
To be continued.
Sorry it took me a so long to get this chapter out, I really didn't mean to leave you all hanging. I also want to make sure you know that I appreciate the emails I have received, and always welcome your comments or suggestions.
Hope you enjoy,
Sam (samsam345@gmail.com)