All the usual disclaimers apply: Please stop reading if you are underage or homophobic.
This is a work of fiction - nothing is being implied about the sexuality of any of the people portrayed below.
Many thanks to those who have written to me and told me how much they've enjoyed the story so far. I really appreciate your kind words and thoughts. I'm a bit surprised that I haven't received any negative feedback though... my writing and/or storyline can't be THAT perfect, surely? :)
Oh, and it was such a thrill to see my story being mentioned by 'DJs Tales' in 'Forever'. It's the first time that that has happened, and I couldn't believe the buzz I got from it! Which reminds me... 'Forever' is a great story. I can't wait for the next part. Do yourself a favour and read it! :)
Anyway, enough of the mutual admiration society... onwards to another chapter of 'Kevin & Justin'.
Kevin & Justin - Chapter 6 --------------------------
As soon as he stepped out into the lounge, Kevin noticed a lull in the level of conversation.
For a brief moment he felt panic, thinking that it would be a repeat of the night before, but the looks the guys gave him told another story. His pained expression quickly disappeared as he let himself relax.
A.J., Nick and Howie immediately stood up and came over to him. He felt himself being smothered in their group hug, but was left with no doubts about their love for him. All three were apologising profusely, saying, "I'm sorry Boo! Please forgive us?"
He felt himself getting ready to cry at their obvious love for him and their silly use of his nickname! But before he could, he heard a discreet cough.
All four of them turned around to see the guys from 'N Sync standing close by. The BSB guys separated from Kevin and the pressure left his body.
Even before they had withdrawn sufficiently, Chris had walked up to Kevin and embraced him fiercely.
"I'm so sorry Kev! I feel so bad about how I treated you yesterday! Please forgive me? I'm so sorry!"
Chris couldn't get the image of Kevin's hurt expression - as he had stepped out of the bedroom - out of his mind. He hadn't fully realised that his behaviour, and the behaviour of his bandmates, had had such an effect on Kevin until that moment. He felt so angry and upset that they had caused Kevin to be hurt like this!
Kevin felt stunned to be held in Chris's embrace. But he felt infinitely worse when he felt the slight tremors coming from Chris's body, indicating that Chris was quietly crying. Without further thought, Kevin returned the pressure in the hug, placed his head gently against Chris's and whispered, "It's okay Chris. I forgive you. Please don't be upset."
Kevin continued to hold him tight, rocking the crying figure gently and making lulling noises to soothe the upset singer. His own eyes were weeping sympathetic tears in concert with Chris's.
Chris eventually settled down enough to disengage from the hug, and he smiled weakly at Kevin before stepping back.
The other 'N Sync guys took their turn to hug Kevin and to apologise to him. They weren't as emotional as Chris, but each meant it with all their heart, which Kevin appreciated.
They had also seen his pained expression, and felt just as bad as Chris about the hurt they had caused him. But seeing how much Kevin had done to comfort their bandmate was like a revelation - they could easily see why Justin had taken Kevin to his heart! Kevin was a genuine 'good guy'. He'd go out of his way to help and comfort those who needed it, regardless of how they may have treated him.
Once freed from the embraces, Kevin smiled and said, "Okay, now that we've all settled down, can I please have my breakfast?" His stomach growled loudly in agreement.
Eight grinning faces answered him.
He walked over to the trolley and started piling food onto a plate, while the others made themselves comfortable once more. He hesitated briefly before he speared several extra pieces of bacon and transferred them to his plate. What with having to meet 'N Sync at the airport late yesterday afternoon, he hadn't had dinner last night... He was starving!
He was on his way back to the couch when Justin appeared in the doorway to the bedroom, fully clothed. He smiled warmly at the nervous figure, immediately putting the young man at ease. He waited for Justin to catch up with him before he continued to the couch.
They sat down side by side, with JC on the other side of Justin.
JC gave his lifelong friend an odd look and leaned in to whisper to him, "That was a mighty fast shower Just! You couldn't have been more than five or ten minutes. What's up?"
Justin blushed slightly as he recalled what had been 'up' just minutes before.
As calmly as he could, he said, "Nothing's up JC. I just didn't feel like wasting too much time this morning." He hoped that Josh would just drop the subject...
JC nodded, apparently satisfied with the answer, and turned to say something to Lance. Privately, he was guessing that Justin wanted to spend as much time as possible with Kevin. Little did he know that his guess was right on the mark!
Kevin leaned in and said very softly, "Problems?"
"No Boo. He was just wondering why I got out of the shower so fast. I usually spend a lot more time in there."
"Oh, okay."
Kevin thought for a moment and then recalled what Brian had told him that morning. "Oh, Justin, I want to thank you for what you did for me last night. Brian told me all about it this morning. What you did seems to have cleared the air between the guys and me. I can't thank you enough for that, Curly!"
Justin's sudden apprehension disappeared as he revelled in Kevin's special smile. "You're more than welcome, Boo."
"Okay, we're gonna have to leave soon," Joey said, raising his voice to address the group. "So there are a few things we need to talk about before we go. Kev, you just keep eating! Brian and I will do all the talking, okay?"
At Justin's confused expression, Kevin chuckled softly.
"Can you hold on for a second Joey?"
"Sure."
"Okay, Justin... Last night the guys decided to relieve me of my responsibilities for the day. Brian will be doing the job I normally do for the rest of today. From what I could understand, Joey has assumed a similar role within your group, giving James the chance to be free for the day as well."
Justin still found it confusing, but he just nodded and returned his attention back to Joey.
Lance looked at Kevin in surprise. He hadn't told Kevin his first name, so how could he have known it? He glanced across to Justin and wondered if Justin had told him?
The other 'N Sync guys had also noticed the use of Lance's first name, but didn't think a great deal about it. They automatically assumed that Lance must have mentioned it to Kevin at some point during the past couple of weeks that they had been communicating with each other.
None of the BSB guys had ever heard Lance's first name before, and though they were surprised at the unfamiliar name, they could easily deduce whom it referred to. They also assumed that Lance must have told Kevin about it sometime during the past couple of weeks.
"Okay, first up is the itinerary," Joey said. "We've got a photo shoot in half an hour. That's going to last until around noon. We'll have time for a quick lunch before we head off to an album signing downtown at 1:30. That's probably going to last until 2:30 or 3:00. We've then got to head over to the stadium to get some rehearsals in. All things considered, we should be done there about 7:00 or 8:00. Then we've got an interview with Carson and MTV as soon as we've finished rehearsing. The interview will be at the stadium, so we don't have to sweat it too much if we get behind schedule. We should be back here around 9:30 at the latest."
Brian took up the commentary. "We've got an early start tomorrow morning with more rehearsals, so if anyone is thinking of going out tonight, you'll need to get back here sooner rather than later. And don't get drunk! At 1:00 tomorrow, we have the 'meet and greet' at the stadium, and then a radio interview at 3:00. After that we'll have several hours to ourselves before we have to get ready for the concert tomorrow night. Oh, and don't forget that we'll be checking out of the hotel tomorrow morning, so make sure to pack up everything tonight, or first thing in the morning!"
Everyone took note of the schedule, except for Kevin and Lance who already knew what was planned. The others groaned at the line up of activities for the next 48 hours... Even if they wanted to go out tonight, they'd only be able to stay out for an hour or so before having to head back to rest.
Kevin finished his breakfast and placed his plate amongst the others piled up on the trolley.
They had managed to eat just about everything. All that was left was a single rasher of bacon and a couple of grilled tomato halves. Oh well, what with rehearsals later on in the day he'd work it off... He picked up the slice of bacon and ate it, leaving the tomatoes alone. Then, pushing the trolley, he took it outside and left it in the hallway.
Brian and Joey were answering questions when he got back. He listened carefully, but couldn't find any fault with their answers.
He sat back down and smiled warmly at Justin who had turned to look at him.
Justin's heart skipped a beat and he felt himself become warm all over. Damn Kevin's smile and what it could do to his mind and body!
Kevin was also lost in thought. 'Thanks Curly, for making such a big effort to make me feel happy and accepted.'
The sound of people getting up brought his and Justin's attention back to the present. They also hurriedly stood.
"The limos are waiting downstairs for us," Brian said to the assembled group. "Do any last minute things you need to do and meet near the elevator in 5 minutes at the latest. Oh, and remember we have the photo shoot first, so change into your best clothes if you haven't already done so!"
Four pairs of eyebrows went up in surprise at Brian's last comment. He had borrowed, and delivered almost verbatim, one of Kevin's standard phrases!
Within seconds the suite had emptied, leaving Kevin and Justin alone. Neither had anything else to do before leaving, so they had some spare time up their sleeves.
"Kevin, I'm sorry about before... I didn't mean to walk in on you like that."
"Don't sweat it Justin. It's over and done with! If anything I'm more comfortable now; I'm not going to be worried about you being surprised anymore!" Kevin's chuckle was infectious and Justin found himself chuckling too.
Kevin gave him a quick hug. They parted, neither noticing the effect that they had on each other.
"Let's get going. We don't want to keep the others waiting," Kevin suggested.
"Okay."
They left their suite, both feeling happier than they had felt in a long time.
--*
They were on their way to their first appointment: a photo shoot in a private studio on the outskirts of town. The five members of the Backstreet Boys were travelling in one limo, followed by an identical limo carrying the five members of 'N Sync.
In the first limo, Brian was staring across at his cousin's dreamy expression.
With mounting dread, he noticed that Howie was starting to become interested in Kevin's expression...
"Umm, D, can you swap with me for a second? I need to speak to Kev about something."
Howie, who was sitting between the two cousins, looked at Brian and shrugged. "Sure B."
They made the switch and Brian settled down into the seat. He noticed that Howie was still looking at them, his curiosity piqued.
"Uh, Howie? It's rather private. Can I have a moment alone with Kev?"
Howie showed some surprise, then scooted as far away from them as he could in the confines of the car.
"What's up Bri?" asked Kevin, starting to take notice of his surroundings.
Brian leaned right up against Kevin and whispered as softly as he could into his right ear, "You're acting strange! You've got these goofy expressions on your face and you're smiling more than usual! The guys are starting to get curious..."
Kevin flushed at the response. He knew that he felt sublimely happy whenever he thought about Justin, but he didn't realise it was that obvious!
"Okay Bri, I'll try to cool it."
"You do that!" Brian stressed. "The last thing you want is to have the guys asking awkward questions! Especially since you don't want to..." Brian didn't have to complete the sentence. He and Kevin knew where he was going.
Kevin just nodded, knowing that Brian was right. He DIDN'T want to 'come out' to the guys just yet... He had only just got close to them again and couldn't contemplate losing everything by telling them the truth. He would be devastated if they rejected him!
Brian sat back and kept an eye on both Kevin and Howie. Howie seemed to have finally lost interest in trying to overhear their conversation, and Kevin was being careful to not let his feelings show through so easily.
--*
Meanwhile, in the other limo, Justin was also sitting with a goofy grin on his face. He was totally oblivious to his surroundings...
JC felt surprised when the guys started talking in the limo - something that was a rare occurrence for them. He looked over at Justin, remembering his friend's comment to Kevin the previous afternoon, and was astonished to see the look on Justin's face.
In a short while the others, one by one, also became aware of the look on Justin's face...
Conversations dried up as they all sat there, looking at him in wonder. Of them all, only JC knew the real reason for Justin's peaceful and extremely happy expression.
--*
Both groups assembled in the huge studio and were greeted by their photographer for the shoot: Dave.
"Hi guys. As you're aware, this shoot is for a variety of reasons. Some of the photos will end up being used in the publicity campaign for your joint tour. Others will find their way into magazines. And one set will be sent to your respective management teams for other promotional purposes.
"We'll start off with a few shots of each group, followed by the solos. Then to finish off, we'll do a few more shots of the two groups combined. Any questions?"
The guys didn't have any questions, but they would have been hard pressed to ask them if they did. Dave hadn't waited for a response.
"Okay, 'N Sync, you're first. Gather over there, in any order you'd like and I'll start shooting. The rest of you guys hang five. Your turn will come shortly."
The 'N Sync guys walked over to the five stools placed in front of a plain blue backdrop. Justin hopped on to the seat closest to the side of the room the BSB guys were hanging out in, and turned to look for Kevin. The others arranged themselves on the other stools and faced forward, all putting on their best 'photo shoot' smiles.
"Justin, can you please face forward?" Dave asked.
Justin brought his attention back to the front, facing the camera. He tried to smile, but couldn't quite manage it. He hated photo shoots!
Dave was contemplating saying something to Justin, to put him at ease, when he noticed a smile appear on the youngster's face. "Perfect," he cried out as he started snapping away. He hadn't noticed that Kevin had walked up to be standing just behind him, and slightly to the left. He also didn't realise that Justin was not, strictly speaking, looking straight at the camera.
Kevin saw the smile on Justin's face and smiled his special smile back at him, causing Justin to feel warm all over again, and to smile more openly.
'Oh God,' thought Dave. 'Justin is really responding today. I think that's a genuine smile! What a miracle!'
The others took note of Kevin standing just behind Dave, and the amazing smile on his face. They felt their own fake smiles dissolve into real smiles.
Dave was ecstatic! These pictures would look absolutely fantastic!
Kevin abruptly realised that the others had also started looking at him, and before he could stop himself, he pulled a funny face. Immediately all five of the guys broke into wide grins or laughter.
Dave snapped away as if his life depended on it! He didn't know what was going on - he certainly hadn't been giving them any directions - but their smiling and laughing faces were exactly what he wanted to capture on film!
"That was brilliant guys!" he said soon after, standing back up and looking at them. He finally noticed that they weren't looking directly head-on and turned to see what had caught their attention. 'A-ha!' he thought as he spotted a grinning Kevin standing slightly behind him.
He grinned back at Kevin. "Thanks Kev. If I had known you could do that, I would have got you up here earlier."
Kevin just smiled back at Dave and decided to head back to join the others.
"Oh no you don't! It's BSB's turn," Dave warned. He turned back to the guys sitting on the stools. "Thanks again guys, you're done. Don't disappear though. We've still got your solo shots to do, as well as the combined group shots."
Justin and the others stood up and walked off. Kevin signalled for his guys to assemble, momentarily usurping Brian's authority, and walked past Dave to sit down on the same stool that Justin had just vacated.
The others soon joined him and Dave started taking photos again. The BSB photos weren't going to look as spontaneous as the ones for 'N Sync, but they wouldn't be bad either.
Chris could also appreciate the difference and decided to copy what Kevin had done. He walked to the other side of Dave and started making faces at A.J. A.J. spotted him and started smirking. The other guys soon noticed Chris as well, and started grinning real smiles.
Dave could guess what was happening, but he didn't want to jinx their session. He just snapped away, knowing that he was getting some very good shots of these guys as well.
JC and Joey soon joined Chris and started to really ham up their expressions. It was more than the BSB guys could take! They all broke out into laughter.
Dave thanked his lucky stars that the two groups seemed to get on so well together. If they hadn't, he wouldn't have managed to get so many unique shots!
"Okay guys, thanks. I've got enough snaps of you," he said, looking up at the guys seated on the stools. Then turning around to see who the joker was, he was surprised to see the three brunettes of 'N Sync standing behind him.
"Okay, enough you jokers," he said, grinning at the amusing 'faces' they were still pulling. He turned back around to the BSB guys. "We're going to do the solos now, then the combined shots. Kevin, why don't we start with you?"
Dave walked over and started removing the excess stools as the other BSB guys left. Kevin had no choice in the matter, so he sat back down on the lone stool that Dave had left on the 'stage', and waited for Dave to get back behind his camera.
The rest of the guys retired to the wings, awaiting their turns. The solo shots could be the most painful, depending on how hard the photographer made you work. They weren't looking forward to it...
Kevin also hated this part of the shoot, but he just thought of Justin and was able to produce a real smile, which helped keep his portion relatively short: though it still lasted over 15 minutes. Dave looked really pleased with the shots he had taken of Kevin.
"JC, you're up next," Dave called.
JC exchanged places with Kevin and started posing for Dave.
Kevin wandered over to the others and was immediately besieged by Chris and Joey. He laughed at their enthusiasm, as they asked him questions and made a real effort to get to know him better. Each positive word or laugh he received, made him aware of the gratitude he felt towards Justin. Justin's friendship had caused all this to happen, and he couldn't be more grateful to his blonde-haired angel!
Lance would've liked to spend some time getting to know Kevin as well, but with the rare opportunity of excess time on his hands, he concentrated on the other BSB guys.
--*
JC finally managed, after almost 30 minutes, to get through the torture of his solo session and switched places with A.J.
He ended up standing far enough away from both Justin and Kevin, that he could see what was happening with both of them.
Kevin seemed to be warming to the attention of the 'N Sync guys and was almost unrecognisable from the serious, responsible person that had met them the day before.
Justin, however, seemed to be closing in on himself. His expression was slowly becoming more and more sour!
--*
A.J., taking a hint from Kevin's solo session, had smiled broadly throughout his solo and was done in record time. He switched with Chris.
Chris also seemed to pick up on what A.J. and Kevin had done. Or maybe it was the softly whispered, "Smile for real and you'll be done in no time!" as A.J. passed him that was responsible for his short session. In any event, he was also done in record time for himself. He switched places with Brian.
Brian sat down on the stool and concentrated on the photographer. Every once in a while, when Dave suggested a different pose, he quickly glanced across to where Kevin was standing. He could see his cousin's happy expression and felt really happy for him.
But why wasn't Kevin paying any attention to Justin? And why was Justin standing so far apart from the rest of the guys? He started to worry...
--*
Justin was cursing himself for his stupidity.
He wished he hadn't spoken up last night... If he hadn't, then Kevin would be spending time with him now, rather than with his ungrateful bandmates!
He knew that it was a selfish thought, but he couldn't help feeling left out of Kevin's world...
The few words he had exchanged with the other BSB guys last night, and also during Kevin's solo session, were certainly a change from the conversations he was used to having with his friends. But they didn't hold his attention the same way that Kevin's words could.
Little by little, he started getting upset at his friends again. This time it was for paying too much attention to Kevin!
--*
JC, still standing slightly apart from the others, knew that a repeat of last night's explosion was likely to occur if he didn't do something to stop it. His major concern was that if Justin DID lose his temper, he was unlikely to remember to keep his secret a secret!
He quickly walked over to Justin, grabbed his arm and dragged him away to the back of the studio, calling out to the others, "Excuse us for a few minutes. Justin and I need to talk!"
Justin looked startled for a moment, but was soon struggling to free himself from JC's grasp.
"Josh, what the hell are you doing?"
"Keep quiet Curly! I'm doing this for your own good," JC replied quietly, concern showing on his face.
They disappeared through a door at the rear of the studio.
--*
Kevin was just as surprised as the others to see what had just occurred, but unlike the others, he had also felt a stab of jealousy go through him when he saw JC holding on to Justin in such a familiar fashion...
His thoughts flew off in a hundred different tangents at once.
Why was he feeling jealous? Justin wasn't gay! There was nothing for him to be jealous about...
But what if Brian was right? What if Justin turned out to be gay after all?
If that was true, then why hadn't he seen any signs that Justin was gay? Why hadn't his gaydar pinged at all?
And the way that JC had grabbed Justin... The familiarity in the touch... Was JC gay too?
Were the two of them a couple?!?
No!
Surely not...
But what if they were?
So what if they were? It wasn't any of his business! Besides, Justin didn't BELONG to him... whom he saw, and why, was his own concern...
No! Brian must have got it wrong... he MUST have! He'd have known otherwise - especially considering the way he felt for Justin!
There was no way that Justin could be gay...
Not a chance...
But...
But even if by the slimmest of margins, it turned out that Justin was gay, and in a relationship with JC, it still wasn't any of his business...
His face went deathly pale as he seriously considered this possibility, and his heart clenched in sudden pain. If it turned out to be true then he would be totally lost!
--*
Brian had also seen the surprise departure of JC and Justin and immediately thought of his cousin's well-being.
From what he could see in Kevin's eyes, the good of the past couple of hours had been lost in a single second. Kevin had closed back in on himself; once again becoming lost and hurt.
Brian had to return his attention back to Dave, as Dave was starting to get annoyed at his continual lapses of concentration. He concentrated on doing what Dave wanted him to do, so that he could get out of here and help his cousin!
Even though Kevin hadn't told him so, Brian knew that Kevin was either falling in love with Justin, or already head-over-heels in love. Either case spelt trouble: Kevin's heart would break if Justin didn't return his love.
Brian had to be there to comfort his cousin if that happened!
--*
Fifteen minutes later, he was done. He got off the stool and Joey got on at Dave's command. Dave wasn't really happy with Brian's shots, but they were better than nothing.
Brian walked up to his cousin and asked the others to excuse them. Lance and Chris left them alone, heading over to talk to Howie, Nick and A.J.
"What's up Brian? What do you want to talk about?"
"I think you know... I want to talk about what we all saw a while ago, and your reaction to it."
Kevin grimaced. With all the best intentions in the world, Brian had a bad habit of sticking his nose into Kevin's affairs when Kevin least wanted him to. And 'now' was the worst possible time for him to do so!
It had taken him quite a while to calm down from his scare that Justin and JC might be together. The only way he could cope with the situation was to deny the possibility. After all, he still didn't believe that Justin was gay, and he doubted that JC was either.
Besides, he had caught a brief look at their expressions before they'd left, and it didn't look like they were going off to be 'alone'. Justin's look, in particular, was the opposite of what he'd have expected it to be if that was the case. At first, Justin had seemed to be really upset, almost angry about something... and then, he'd became surprised and annoyed when JC had started pulling him away.
No, he didn't think it likely that they were a couple...
And they'd been friends for a long time, so that would explain their 'familiarity' with each other...
"There's nothing to say about my reaction to what happened. I was caught off guard. That's all!"
"Keep telling yourself that, and you might eventually convince yourself," Brian said sourly. "I saw how jealous you looked when they went off together. I also saw how much it hurt you! You may deny it, but I know how much you feel for him! If you don't do something about it - and soon - you'll lose him!"
Brian's words pierced Kevin's heart.
Kevin couldn't deny that he loved Justin. The strength of his feelings for the blonde-haired singer was frightening at times. He found himself praying that, against all odds, Justin really was gay...
"But what can I do?" he asked slowly.
"You'll need to talk to him Kevin! I'm almost one hundred percent certain that he's gay! And even if he isn't, he's the sort of person who cares too much about his friends to worry about their sexual preferences. At this point in time, you're going to have to take that risk! You'll have to let him know how you feel about him and see what happens. The worst that could happen is that he isn't gay and doesn't want to have a sexual relationship with you. So what?" Brian shrugged to emphasise that it was of no consequence, though he knew he was treading on thin ice.
"But I don't just want to have sex with him Brian," Kevin whispered furiously. "If he's gay and feels even half of what I feel for him, then I want to have a real relationship with him." The longing in Kevin's voice was unmistakable and Brian felt a twinge of envy at the strength of Kevin's feelings for Justin.
"I know Kevy, I know. But I can't help but think that he wants the same thing as you. In any case, the next step is yours. If you don't do anything, then you'll end up regretting it for the rest of your life!" He knew it was a cliché, but he had never felt that it was truer than at this very moment.
Kevin stood there, watching his cousin's encouraging nods before he decided he had to take the chance.
Brian had been pushing him for several months now to 'come out' to his friends and family, but Kevin had always lacked the courage. On several occasions Brian had been most insistent that Kevin at least consider telling his mother, Ann, about himself. The thought of that had always scared him to his core...
Now that he was contemplating telling Justin, he felt a thousand times worse!
"Okay, I'll try," Kevin said, his voice trembling.
He HAD to do this! He had to know if he and Justin had any chance of a future together!
Brian smiled encouragingly at him, before hugging him. "You'll be okay Boo, I promise you."
"Thanks Bri."
"Well, what are you waiting for?"
Kevin looked confused. "Well, for them to get back...?"
"No, silly! Go find them! It's best if you tell Justin away from all this anyway," he replied, indicating their rather open surroundings. "Just ask JC to leave the two of you alone for a short while. Okay?"
"Okay," Kevin replied in resignation. He gave Brian one last, almost desperate, look, and walked to the door he had seen them disappear through. Beyond it was a short hallway. He paused to see if he could hear either of them, but he couldn't. With a small sigh, he started down the hallway, looking for them.
--*
JC pulled Justin into the first empty room they came across and closed the door. He pointed to a chair and instructed Justin to sit down.
Justin, unused to seeing this side of his friend, complied mostly out of surprise rather than any real desire to sit.
JC pulled up another chair and sat facing Justin. He was unsure of how to start, so he grabbed Justin's right hand and held it in both of his.
Justin looked back at JC with an expression of fear in his eyes. This was so unlike JC, that it scared him! The fact that Josh was holding his hand so tightly, didn't help matters.
JC thought for another second and realised that there was no right way to begin.
"Just, I know that you're gay," he said. He had to grip harder on Justin's hand, as Justin had reflexively started to jerk it away. He looked into his friend's eyes and saw Justin's fear mounting in anticipation of a rejection. "I know, and I don't care about it. I still love you bro!"
Justin's eyes widened in wonder and a whimper escaped his tightly closed lips.
Gathering Justin into a hug to show his support, JC continued. "You'll always be my best friend, you know that?" He could feel Justin nodding his head erratically. "Good, because nothing has changed. I love you for you, not because you're straight or gay."
Justin shook like a leaf. His tears flowed down his face in relief... JC had understood! Josh hadn't rejected him even though he knew his secret! Justin hugged Josh tighter, unable to convey in any other way how much he appreciated and loved his friend right at this moment. His eyes and mouth were too busy, caught up in crying out his relief!
JC continued to support him, while Justin cried the worry out of his system. He smiled at the thought of his Curly being so afraid of his reaction that he had got himself into such a state!
Justin finally settled down enough so that his tears stopped flowing and his body stopped shaking.
It was time for JC to drop the next bombshell...
"Curly, even though I'm not gay and can't love you in a physical sense, I don't think I would've stood a chance anyway." He pulled away from the hug and smiled happily at his friend.
"What?" gasped Justin, confusion and happiness warring on his face.
"What I mean is, that even if I was gay, you would be out of my reach. You love, or are falling in love with someone else."
The matter-of-fact tone in JC's voice just added to Justin's shock. He could feel his eyes start misting over again as he quietly tried to parse JC's words. When JC reached out to take his hand again, he felt a slight pang of regret that he couldn't love JC in a physical way. But besides the fact that JC was straight, he was also too much like a brother, for Justin to even think that in private.
He looked up at JC's compassion filled expression and essayed a smile. "Is it that obvious?"
"To me it is, but that's probably because I'm your closest friend. I couldn't just not notice the change in my Curly!"
Justin let out a sound that was half sob and half guffaw. He smiled tenderly up at his best friend and found himself unaccountably happy. "I don't know if I love him Josh, it's too soon to know that for sure... but I definitely like him. A lot."
JC grinned along with Justin, showing that he understood. Privately, he thought that this was indeed love... Good old- fashioned 'love-at-first-sight'. The warning signs were there from the moment they had met Kevin at the airport! But he knew that Justin didn't believe in 'love-at-first-sight', and would have to come to accept it as love in his own sweet time. His only concern was about whether Justin's love would be returned by Kevin?
He still didn't know if Kevin was gay, though that wouldn't necessarily be an issue if they were indeed true soulmates...
JC had a small circle of friends outside of his bandmates, and one of them was happily married to the most wonderful woman that JC had ever met. His friend, Ron, was gay. Even now, he considered himself gay, even though he was happily married.
JC knew that Ron had never envisaged that he'd ever be attracted to a woman, let alone fall in love with one. But once they had met, Ron knew that Deborah was his other 'half'. His heart and soul were 'complete' now that he and she were together.
This scenario, though not common, was also not rare by any means. So JC knew that if Kevin and Justin were meant to be together, neither of their sexual orientations would matter.
JC's silence started to affect Justin. After passing his hand over JC's eyes for several seconds and not getting a response, Justin asked, "Josh, what's wrong? What happened? Where did you go just now?"
JC smiled at Justin, hoping to alleviate some of the concern he could see in Justin's expression. "I was just thinking."
"Oh, about what?"
A small grimace escaped before he could stop it. Plunging in before Justin could react, he said, "What if Kevin isn't gay, or doesn't want what you want?"
Justin's astounded expression remained on his face entirely too long to suit JC.
"How did you know it was Kevin?" asked Justin in a small voice, trying desperately to gather his thoughts.
"Hey Curly, I'm not the blonde one here!" JC smiled, trying to relieve the tension, and make up for his faux pas. "Hmmm, maybe we need to dye your hair brown or black. Dark brown's probably the best - like your Boo has. That might just make you smarter," he continued, grinning.
Justin giggled. He couldn't stay angry with Josh for any length of time. He sat thinking for a moment, but couldn't come up with an answer to JC's question.
"I don't know Josh. It's not the sort of thing I can just ask about... and I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it anyway. Certainly not if I'm not totally in love with him."
He felt odd talking to JC about these personal matters. No-one other than JC (he hoped) knew that he was gay, so he had had no- one to talk to about his feelings before. He guessed it would take some time to get used to discussing such things with Josh.
JC could see that they wouldn't come up with an answer straight away. Only time would tell. If Kevin was interested in Justin, regardless of his orientation, they'd find a way to get together.
Turning his thoughts back to earlier, he cleared his throat to get Justin's attention.
"What?"
Again, JC was uncertain how to begin. He opened his mouth, breathed in deeply, and just started talking. "Justin, you know that you'll have to be careful how you act, especially in front of Kevin and the rest of BSB, don't you?"
Justin immediately became upset that JC thought he had to remind him how to act closeted. "Thanks Joshua. Thanks for not trusting me to be able to keep this a secret." He jumped out of his chair and started pacing in anger.
"No, you don't understand Justin... I didn't mean about you being gay. What I meant..." he trailed off, exasperated with himself for not being able to find the right words.
"What do you mean then?" Justin asked, somewhat mollified. He stopped and looked down at JC.
"Justin, do you know why I dragged you away from the others and into this room?" He got up and held his finger up to Justin's face, indicating he had more to say. "And I'll give you a clue: it wasn't just to tell you that I knew you were gay."
Justin stared at JC for several seconds before shaking his head 'no'.
"Well, it was because I could see how upset you were becoming while the others monopolised Kevin's time," JC advised. "The longer you were kept apart from Kevin, the worse I could see you becoming. Just before I dragged you away, you were getting ready to explode - trust me on that! I've seen the signs before, so I knew you were about to do something, or say something, that would have revealed your secret and your feelings to everyone in the room!"
Justin considered this. He had no reason to doubt JC and knew that if he had really been in that state, then JC would certainly know the signs. Besides, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was true. He could still feel the lingering remnants of the anger he had felt at his bandmates.
He smiled up at JC and said, "Thanks for thinking about me Josh. I'll try to keep that in mind."
"Don't worry about it Just. I'm only looking out for you, you know?"
"Yeah, I know Josh. Thanks."
"I love you bro, and I hope that you'll be able to find true happiness with him." JC smiled at Justin and spread his arms out, inviting Justin into a hug.
They were unaware of the door opening...
"I love you too, Josh."
Justin allowed himself to be held in the hug, his face showing the joy he was feeling. Tears started flowing softly down his face in happiness.
--*
Kevin stared at them for several seconds before quietly closing the door. He slumped back against the wall, facing the door, and quietly wept.
Deep down, his heart shattered at the devastating loss he had just suffered...
He had found and lost his soulmate in the course of a few minutes!
His grief suddenly flared into anger.
Damn Brian's pushing! If Brian hadn't urged him to talk to Justin, then he would've remained ignorant of what he had just found out...
He could have continued to delude himself that Justin was straight and unavailable, no matter how much he wanted and needed him. No matter how much he longed to be together with him - heart, mind, body and soul!
But now it had all gone completely wrong!
And not because he had found out that Justin was gay... but because he had discovered that Justin REALLY WAS unavailable. Justin had someone else in his life!
His heart clenched in pain once more as he recalled what he had seen - the happiness on Justin's face as he had declared his love for JC...
His tears flowed more rapidly as he replayed the scene in his mind... What he would have given to have Justin look at him that way, and utter those words to him!
But it wasn't to be... regardless of what he wanted, and how he felt, Justin was not available.
'That's all there is to it! End of story! I can only be his friend, nothing more!'
His tears continued to fall, not heeding the determination of his thoughts.
He started walking back to the others, his spirit crushed.
He had to stop long enough to dry his eyes and put on a fake smile. He couldn't let the others see how much of his life and spirit he had just lost!
He stepped back into the studio, into a life without Justin.
It was the hardest thing he had ever had to do.
End - Chapter 6
To be continued...