''And Friday night?' Kevin asked.
"We're going dancing at the gay club in Durham!' He looked surprised. "I'd like for you to get to know a group of guys I just met. I'd also like to show you off in public.' He blushed a bit then and looked pensive. I guess he wondered if he would be completely out of the closet then. "Well, not public exactly', I relented. "You wouldn't be 'outed" really.' He looked relieved. "Besides, (and I had a very mischievous thought just then) maybe we can bring Marco along with us, too? I'd like to get to meet him finally, face to face. Even if he's straight he might enjoy going dancing, don't you think, and going out with his new, good, friend?' I gave him my most innocent look then.
Kevin was shocked and his face showed it. I couldn't help it then. I laughed out loud, a laugh that was perhaps a bit too wicked. The wheels started turning, where will they stop?"
Kevin agreed to think about inviting Marco to go out with us Friday night, although I could tell he was very unsure about this. I mean he was certain Marco was totally straight. I wasn't. I could tell he hadn't worked through all of the problems that being 'out" could cause either, especially with his team and teammates. I would have liked to reassure him and also let him know that both his Dad and Marco's Dad likely would understand, very personally (LOL), about the attraction of a good man in bed. It was also obvious that he had felt flattered by Latin stud Marco opening up to him and friending him and that he enjoyed being a bit 'macho" as a BMOC (big man on campus) as a soccer star. He wasn't sure how being gay would affect any of that or how having an acknowledged older boyfriend would either.
I could tell his conclusion was that he didn't actually want to go out on Friday night to a gay club at all, no matter who was with him. I thought about taking pity on him and just dropping going out to the club. However, I then decided that it was time for Kevin to face what his choices would involve and what being with me might mean. You know, sometimes you can't have your cake and eat it, too. It seemed to me that Kevin had always, up to now, had his cake and enjoyed it at the same time. He had never had to face any family problems like Patrick had. He had never faced racism like Marco had. In fact he had never faced any aspect of being more gay than not. And while I loved Kevin very deeply and while I now trusted him enough to make love to him, it was more obvious to me than ever that Kevin did have some significant 'growing up" to do that even Marco had done, much less Patrick.
It was time for Kevin to go. I said we'd write during the week and talk at band practice. But I didn't let him off the hook for Friday night. If he asked me to, I would say ok, accepting that he hadn't worked through some things he needed to. And, if he asked, I would try to help him work through those things. Been there, done that, after all.
We gave each other huge, strong, hugs and kissed passionately. There was no question that we were in love. Things will work out somehow, I guess, although I felt the age difference between us more strongly tonight than I had in a long time. I think both Marco and Patrick were to blame for that. Or was it really the age difference or more a difference of 'privilege" and 'class"? Hmmm. Love will find a way, I think.
Monday was long, as usual. Mid-afternoon I got a text from Patrick (how did he get my cell phone number, anyway?) saying he had a 'meeting" with Kevin's dad that night and would see me Tuesday night. Hmmm... I started to wonder if Kevin's Dad, Daniel, had just 'joined a group" with regular Monday night meetings in Chapel Hill/Carrboro? Despite myself, I grinned. I had a sudden, fleeting, image of what Daniel and Patrick must look like in bed together. That image produced a moment of what I might even call 'vertigo". It was like seeing Kevin and me superimposed upon by Daniel and Patrick. It wasn't anything like a mirror image, especially since Patrick and I looked so different, but sort of an imperfect 'doppelganger" kind of thing or like watching you and your lover make love in one of those crazy carnival mirrors that distorts while revealing a new truth.
I shook those thoughts off. Well, one more night alone, I sighed.
I got even farther ahead in my work. I started to map out two days alone with Kevin during half of fall break in a couple of weeks. I wasn't sure where to go, but I knew I wanted off campus and somewhere romantic. When I saw Kevin at band practice I mentioned my thoughts and he responded with a big smile. I told him we'd take off the Thurs. and Fri. of break which would get him back in plenty of time for his game that Sunday, as well as preserve his 'purity" the Saturday night before the game. I still shook my head at his oath to not have sex the night before a game. Couldn't believe Marco's dad, Diego, had insisted that players take that oath either.
I did sort of expect Kevin to try to get out of going out Friday night or to avoid asking Marco to go with us. I mentioned Friday to him, on purpose, at practice on Monday. He looked uncomfortable but said little. I decided to leave him on the hook until Thursday night. I'd let him off the hook on Thursday if I decided he wasn't ready for this step. I certainly wouldn't make him ask Marco to go out either.
After a hug and kiss on the cheek, I let Kevin go off to the dinner at the athletic dorm. On my way back to the apartment I considered whether I was being too 'pushy" or even an asshole. Was I trying to make Kevin face too much too fast? Was I being insistent that he face life like I had so that he would be more like me? Was this some kind of narcissistic power thing going on? Or even worse, was I being paternal and paternalistic?
I reflected on all of this around studying and reading. I'm a pretty honest guy. I've had to face a lot in my life, including life and death situations multiple times. I've worked hard to get rid of all of the bullshit I can, especially inside of me. When I got up the next morning I was satisfied that while my motives weren't pure (and how could they be considering this man was my lover?), at least I believed I was doing the right thing for Kevin. I was offering him the chance to take a brave new step in a controlled situation with me with him. And I would give him an out if he needed it, if he wasn't ready.
More work and more work. I was relieved when I got to band practice and could do something physical. I began to think it was time to go to the gym, too. My biking was good for my legs and aerobics. I did 150 pushups and crunches every day at the apartment. I did basic Tai Chi for flexibility and centering, but time to do some weights again, too. If I was going back into the Army I needed to stay in tip top shape.
After practice Kevin surprised me a bit by saying he had decided he wanted to go dancing with me at the gay club on Friday! I looked at him hard and asked him if he were sure. I didn't demean him by asking any other question. He returned my stare and nodded. He said that he was sure, although he had had to really think about it. I was really proud of him then. He had faced this challenge head on and tackled it. I couldn't help myself. I grabbed him in a huge hug and gave him a big kiss. He blushed big time.
Russ and Rick suddenly appeared in my sight. I had been friendly with them at band practice this week after meeting them at the club on Friday night but had saved most of my 'social" time at practice for Kevin, of course. As I looked around I suddenly realized that Russ and Rick had sort of been 'shielding" us with their bodies from anyone wanting to 'spy" or Kevin and me! They both laughed, quietly, when they saw I understood what they had been doing. I grinned and introduced them to Kevin and told him where I had met them. He sort of mouthed, 'wow", and looked at them more closely. It was obvious that they were a couple just like Kevin and me. I could see the wheels turn in Kevin's head. Finally he asked, 'how long?" 'A year", Russ answered. 'You guys are a really good-looking couple," he finally said. 'Ditto" Russ answered. Kevin blushed again. Russ looked at me. 'Are you guys coming to the club this weekend?" Kevin spoke up and said, 'Yes, Friday night." Rick answered in his deep voice, 'See you there. He then looked at both Kevin and me and said, 'save a dance for both of us!" I grinned at Kevin's wide-eyed look, but he recovered quickly and answered, 'you guys got it!" My grin turned into a big smile. Damn, I love this man! I didn't ask him about inviting Marco to join us. I was just happy that Kevin had already gotten as far as he had in facing these new challenges.
I got back to the apartment. Yet another simple supper... I'd have to start cooking some time for real, I decided. Maybe I could cook on Mondays for most of the rest of the week, starting next week of course! LOL. Yeah, definitely tried not to take myself too seriously!
Like clockwork the door buzzed at eight. Patrick came in, sauntering, just daring me to comment. He smiled his mischievous smile at me and asked, 'Hope your Sunday night was as good as my Monday night, Jacob?"
I was so not going to go there. My vertigo of the previous day thinking about him and Daniel naked returned for a second. I shook it off and decided that I was not going to get into any kind of competitive, comparative, sex contest, not with Patrick who was in love with me (as he had implied), and especially nothing involving my lover and his Dad. Even beginning to think about that sort of weirded me out!
I could tell Patrick was following my train of thought. 'So, not so kinky after all, Jacob?" he asked.
'In that way, no! So, cutting to the chase, you both made each other happy men, once again. I also take it that Daniel has now "joined a group' that has regular Monday night meetings in a certain apartment in Carrboro, North Carolina? And I bet he's one of the Board of "Directors' of this particular group, too? I bet he makes the "Executive Decisions' for the group? I bet he is "in charge' and "rides' the group "doggedly' to achieve the maximal desired "outcome', doesn't he?" I grinned wickedly, hearing Patrick's groan. 'I bet he keeps an eye on the "flow' charts. I guess he insists on "tit for tat' in the Board meetings. I'm sure he's looking for new "thrusts' and that he wants to 'mount" a new campaign that will "climax' in a new "high'..."
'I surrender, Jacob!" Patrick yelled, 'Cease and desist before I begin to describe the new group's bylaws that insist on "equality' between the two Executive Officers who are obliged to grant each other equal power in the "direction', "running', and "outcomes' of the group. In fact, the bylaws mandate that both Executive Officers take turns at being in the "drivers' seat'."
'Really?" I asked with eyebrows raised.
'Really!" he answered with a smile even wickeder than mine!
I went over to hug him in congratulations on this new development in what was clearly becoming a relationship with Daniel. He hugged me back and hugged me back and hugged me back... I finally said, 'Patrick, that's quite enough". I could feel us both getting hard.
'You can't blame a guy for trying", he responded, trying to frot my cock with his through our shorts.
'I certainly can", I replied, finally breaking his hold.
By his grin, I could tell he was totally unrepentant. I sighed dramatically. 'Ok", I said. 'Enough with the sex. How about the two of you? Are you an "item' yet?"
He reflected for a minute. 'Not yet. However, I've never been with an older man who makes me feel the way he does. I feel like I'm all of me with him. I'm both the "older man' me and the "younger man' me. It's sort of wonderful even."
'Sounds therapeutic to me", I admitted, thinking about his history.
He gave me a brief frown then, but then realized the spirit in which I meant my comment and nodded.
'And you?" he asked.
'Sunday was wonderful. However, I'm also pushing Kevin a bit now. In fact I asked him if he'd go dancing with me on Friday at the gay club we went to last weekend. I'm trying to get him to face being a gay man as well as being in a gay relationship."
To my surprise Patrick's face went ashen for a minute before recovering.
'What?" I demanded.
'Wow", he responded. 'Well let's just say that I'm glad Daniel had a commitment Friday night and/or decided not to be even a bit "out' yet."
My turn to turn ashen, before recovering, too... 'You mean we both asked Father and Son to come dancing at the same gay club the same night?"
He nodded.
'Well, that would have been interesting", I said, in a major understatement.
We both thought about the ridiculousness of a barely avoided confrontation between a Dad and Son, whose gayness was unknown to each other, in the middle of a hot gay club. I startled to chuckle. Patrick joined me. Soon we were laughing out loud and having to hold each other up. I released him before we got into another 'edging" contest however.
'Wow", he said. 'That was a close one. I mean I think it would be a good idea for Daniel and Kevin to talk to each other at some point and realize how similar they are in this part of their lives, too, but after a careful set up in the right venue, not in the middle of a gay club!"
'Besides", I said, 'there will already likely be enough drama Friday night, as it is."
'Do tell!" he demanded opening his eyes wide.
Quickly I told Patrick about Kevin's weekend with Marco, their new status as friends, and how I suggested Kevin might want to invite Marco to go dancing with us Friday night.
He burst out laughing again. 'Jacob, you are truly wicked! Remind me not to get on the wrong side of you!"
'Well, he hasn't asked Marco yet. I won't mind if he doesn't. Guess we'll see."
I could see that Patrick had a question he was dying to ask. 'Um, I take it you and Kevin will be having quality time here Saturday night then?" Guess he had looked up the soccer and band schedule, too.
'Yes, and a new quality experience, too." I couldn't help but add.
'Ah to be a fly on the wall!" He shook himself and pouted just a minute. 'You won't leave the blinds open just a bit, will you?" he asked.
'Absolutely not!" I retorted.
'I mean I was just asking in the interest of research. I wanted to learn more about how Kevin reacts to new things to better pleasure his Dad."
'No." Changing the subject I asked, 'So are you and some of the same guys planning on being at the club Friday night?"
'Well, I am now!" he answered. 'I wouldn't miss Kevin's first time in a gay club for anything. I'll make some calls and make sure there's a good welcome ready for the virgin. And wow, he might lose two virginities in two nights in a row. Fancy that!"
'Patrick, shut up!"
'Yes sir, Major McClintock, sir!" He grinned big time and then wiped the grin off his face when he saw my reaction.
What? That was a shocker! I stared at him again. 'How did you find out that small piece of information?"
'Internet, sir, internet. And sir, congratulations sir, for the bravery you showed in being attacked unexpectedly more than once in Iraq and your saving your medical corps teams. You deserve your medals sir! Obvious why Army wants you back, sir."
'Patrick..." I started.
'Yes sir, shut up sir. Will do sir."
I stared him down.
'Leaving now sir. If it please you sir, inform me about Marco's presence Friday night, sir."
He was gone before I could answer him.
After another long day on Wednesday, Kevin surprised me again after band practice. I noticed Russ and Rick shielding us again and smiled at them. They nodded in return.
'Jakey", Kevin started with no preamble, 'I'm going to tell Marco I'm gay tonight and ask him to come dancing with us Friday night."
'Wow", I replied, 'what prompted this?"
'Marco did", he answered. 'Jakey, you may have been right about Marco in some ways after all. Ever since Saturday night, he's been very "friendly' with me. He touches me every chance he gets. He always seems to be around me and even seems to be following me. He's picked some "fights' with me that has led us to "rassle' each other in the commons area of the dorm. He's been showing off his body in a way he never did before, too. It seems like he gets shirtless every chance he can with me. He plays like he's trying to get my shirt off when he's teasing me. He also tries to be in the showers when I am. Last night in the shower he even got hard when we were in the showers together, although he tried to hide it! I still think he thinks he's straight. I don't even know how conscious he is about his actions. But I've had enough. Time he knows the truth."
I nodded my relief.
He left soon after to set up his confrontation with Marco. Have to admit I wanted to be a fly on the wall this time. Guess I'd have to settle for secondhand. I turned to Russ and Rick, who were still hanging around. I thanked them both for 'keeping our back". They smiled and Russ said, 'you may think this is funny, but we sort of see ourselves in you guys, although dark-haired Rick is the military one and I'm the blond soccer player." I smiled at them both. Then on an impulse I took them both in my arms for a three-way hug of thanks. I could feel their surprise and then their pleasure. I then spoke to them both. 'I don't know if you heard but another guy on the soccer team has developed a crush on Kevin. Kevin's telling the guy about me tonight. The guy may be coming to the club to dance on Friday night. I don't know if anything will happen, but would you guys be there, just in case?"
They had heard. They both nodded their agreement and said they wouldn't be the only ones there. A weight lifted from my chest that I hadn't known was there.
I went home cheerfully and waited for the morrow.
I could barely stand it until I got Kevin alone after band practice on Thursday night to hear how things went with Marco. Once again Russ and Rick shielded us.
Kevin noticed and smiled at them again. They returned his smile.
'Well?" I asked.
'Well", he sighed, 'both good and bad. When I told Marco I was gay, he was in total disbelief. However, I could tell he was somehow pleased, too. He kept saying, though, that a macho guy like me couldn't be gay. I had to interrupt him finally and say, "Look Marco, I'm gay, get over it. I hope we can still be friends though. I value your friendship. But if we're going to be friends, you need to know who I am.' He huffed and puffed more, but it became even more obvious to me that he was secretly delighted by this turn of events. He came closer to me and even put his arm around me. I wasn't sure where this was going. I had a thought that he would now offer to protect me from my gayness or something equally dumb, all the while pressing his own case, whatever that would be. Well, that all irritated me. I don't need to be protected from myself. I pretty much know who I am and who I want, and that's you, Jake! I mean Marco's hot, but he's no Jacob McClintock!"
I had to admit that I was inwardly 'preening" at his compliment. Still, time to let Kevin finish. He had to go soon.
'I really didn't want Marco to set himself up in some kind of role as my knight protector, to protect my chasteness from my wanton desires, or some kind of foolishness like that, all the while having sinful designs on my virginity. We do live in the 21st Century, don't we and not the Middle Ages?"
Some of us do, I thought, thinking again of the no sex before a game oath.
Kevin continued, 'I decided to cut him off before he went any farther. I told Marco, "T弛 m弛, lo que tienes saber tambi始 es que tengo amante tambi始'. Well, it was as if I sucker punched him. We argued in Spanish for a while about whether I could have a gay lover or not. This was getting increasingly ridiculous. Finally, I said he could come see my lover and me Friday night and could come dance with us at a gay club. Finally, I snapped, "and maybe you'll get lucky there, too!' His eyes flashed and he started to slap me across the face. I was ready to take it. He stopped short and said, "you don't know what you're saying, Kevin. And yes, I will be there for you at this place Friday night.' I was so frustrated then that I left the dorm and walked around campus to cool off for about an hour. I came back and studied. I've been studying all day except for practice. Marco keeps smiling at me with a "I know better than you' smile. Just so fucking annoying. So that's what's going on."
'Thanks, Kevin", I said. 'Sounds like you were great. Well, let's give Marco a show he'll never forget tomorrow then!" I grinned at him. 'How good of a dancer are you, by the way?"
'Pretty good", he smiled.
'Excellent", I replied. Pick me up at 10 tomorrow night. I'm dressing as a cowboy with tight jeans, tee, hat and boots. Can you match?"
'Hot, and yes." He eyed me with new pleasure. 'Can't wait."
'Me either."
I got back to the apartment and decided to study for an hour and then read for pleasure for a few minutes before going to bed at a reasonable hour. I knew I'd be out very late tomorrow night at the club. Also knew that that tomorrow night might be quite tense, too.
I had just settled in to read my novel when the door buzzed. I was a bit puzzled. I guess Patrick wanted to plan out strategy for tomorrow night. So, I went to the door and opened it wide, expecting Patrick to barge in with some kind of funny line.
To my shock and horror Marco was standing there, larger than life, staring at me with an expression of revulsion and hate.
'So you're the slut trying to make my Kevin gay!" he said.
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