"Kelly's Model Behavior"
Prologue
...As I looked out of my hotel window over the Bermuda coastline, I could scarcely believe that I was even here in this island paradise, much less being paid for a photo shoot as a model!
Deep Background-Kelly's Journey*
Only five years earlier I was graduating from my Houston, Texas high school, where I had been quite active in modern dance, planning to move to New York and study cosmetology with the hope of eventually getting into fashion design. More important than my professional aspirations was that I was moving to New York to be with the love of my life, Jason, who was going to attend Columbia while also being a fashion model under contract. Jason and I had fallen in love when we were both cast in a theatrical production that was part of a charity event, while we were still in high school.
It was not a casual fling...I fully intended to spend the rest of my life as Jason's "other half". By all accounts he felt the same way, as we had enjoyed an idyllic, romantic relationship. We were totally compatible sexually, and even though we were in bed constantly, Jason and I never seemed to get enough of each other. We made all of our life and career plans surrounding living together in New York, and beyond. Jason and I were complete opposites physically...Jason muscular and ruggedly handsome like the mythical god he portrayed in the production; me being slight of build and androgynous/effeminate like the dancing "angel" that I portrayed. I was genetically blessed with naturally clear light olive skin, and thick light brown hair.
Early in adolescence, I discovered the joy of boy-to-boy sex, but most of these had been just mutual exploratory gestures with other dancers, and a few confused straight guys I would flirt with. Unlike many, I had always been comfortable with my nature and always known that I was gay. My single mother had always encouraged me in everything I did, including being gay. In my youth, mother had gotten me into modeling, but as I got older the Houston modeling agencies discouraged me because I was not the 6'2" muscular prototype of the day and because I had "too pretty" of a face. However, she had also directed me to dance where my lithe body and gracefulness was an advantage. I took to this naturally and loved every minute of it.
Surrounded by supportive artistic types, I felt no pressure to act masculine or to pursue girls beyond friendship. My mother as well as and my best friend (a fellow girl dancer) fed my interest in fashion by helping me shop for unusual outfits and jewelry. My interest in cosmetology arose from two owners of a trendy styling salon that befriended me early after we moved to Houston. In addition to being moral supporters for a "flaming" gay teen, they helped me learn to style my collar length hair and how to enhance my features with subtle makeup. With this supportive network fueling my ambitions and confidence, I set out for New York with Jason.
Recent Background-Despondent
Our first eighteen months living together as a couple in New York were fabulous. Everything was going according to plan both professionally and academically for both of us. It was wonderful living together instead of having to seek out privacy back in high school. When I wrapped my lips around Jason's penis (or as I would joke "my penis"), he seemed as excited as our first time. I have always loved giving head and I still got a rush when he would come in my mouth and I would meticulously swallow every drop! Similarly, even after countless nights, and many mornings, I saw stars when Jason lunged deep into me during intercourse and tickled my prostrate.
Besides me working part-time while in school, Jason received significant financial support from the trust fund his long-absentee father had established and we could afford a relatively nice apartment and could afford to go out to nice restaurants and bars etc. We had a small network of neighbors and friends we hung out with in addition to a select few friends from our schools and work.
After, about 18 months, Jason began to change and neglect me, his academic work, his modeling career and his healthy good looks. It took nearly two years to unfold, but, suffice it to say, I lost Jason to something he apparently loved more...drugs. It all started when we began socializing with some of the ditzy models from his agency more frequently. Initially we would both go to various parties together, but several of the girls made me very nervous given their wild nature. Besides being sluts and having obvious eating disorders, it was not hard to figure out that they were doing drugs in the bedroom of whose ever apartment the party was at.
Despite registering my concerns, on nights when I had other work or school commitments, Jason could inevitably found at "the party" with the other models. After a solid first year academically, Jason was on scholastic probation after his second year, and was "invited" to take a semester off after the following mid-term finals. None of this helped his modeling career, as the vibrant, radiant Adonis, began to have sallow eyes and pale skin. Financed by his father's trust fund, and enabled by his adoring, but clueless mother, Jason was out of control. It is not like I am a prude, but due to the requirements of serious dancing, I always had eaten healthy, exercised and kept my consumption of mind-altering substances to nothing more serious than margaritas and tequila shots. Plus, my mother always beat it into my head to avoid drugs, indirectly alluding to the reasons my own father was never in the picture.
Finally, after a terrible summer of lies and broken promises, I knew that changes would need to occur. My anxiety and depression about Jason was not unsettling, but I could feel myself losing respect for him and falling out of love with him. Our sex life became almost non-existent as he usually just passed out in bed when he finally came home and slept all day. I tried everything I could think of to get Jason to voluntarily ways change his ways, and more than once I had my hopes up, only to be let down. When I could get him out of the city and away from the party scene, he actually became like the old Jason and our sex life and romance were re-kindled. Instead of being unable to perform, he would be insatiable in filling me anally, while stroking my hair and telling me he loved me.
Unfortunately, eventually, the camel's back was broken. One Friday night, I asked Jason to be home so we could go out to dinner together...just the two of us. He did not show and he did not answer his cell phone. I eventually went over to the apartment of the lead party girl and there were about 20 people there in various states of drug numbness as well as undress. I finally found Jason in a bedroom with 3 girls and two guys, nude or semi- nude, passing around a pipe smoking something that smelled horrible. After about two weeks of apologies and "perfect" behavior, I became optimistic that he was ready to get his life back on track. Then, a few weeks later, the same thing happened again. After failing to come home when expected, I went back to the same party shack where I walked in on Jason orally servicing a pudgy, balding man I knew to be a shady modeling agent. The place had a foul stench, and there was drug paraphernalia everywhere.
I could have forgiven Jason's infidelity to our often-pledged monogamous relationship. What I couldn't deal with was his explanation that he gave the man a blow job in exchange for him agreeing to get him a new modeling gig. In other words, he had been fired by his agency several weeks earlier for missing appointments and had not told me. After getting Jason back to our apartment safely and passed out in bed, I made the phone call that I knew would end our relationship, but hopefully save his life. His mother was in denial, at first, but I implored her to get on the first plane to NYC and consider inviting her ex-husband and Jason's absentee father.
The intervention meeting with both of Jason's parents and me probably could not have gone worse from the standpoint of Jason's denial and his vilifying me for calling his parents. Fortunately, Jason's father finally acted like one, and took charge in the meeting and in getting him into a pricey rehabilitation facility. As they left, even if Jason recovered, I knew he would never forgive me.
His mother, as they were leaving, said "Kelly, if I ever doubted it, you are the best thing that ever happened go Jason. I am so sorry it worked out this way."
Cameron-Friend and Savior
After crying myself to sleep every night for a week, I began moving in with my best friend Cameron since I alone could not afford the rent on Jason's and my apartment. Cameron had listened patiently for months about all of my problems with Jason and had suggested many times that Jason was probably falling into the very things I caught him at. Cameron was unbelievably supportive and patient as I dealt with my grief and re- engaged the other parts of my life which otherwise were going so well.
When I first met Cameron in cosmetology school, he was not particularly attractive, with a soft, flabby physique brought about by his poor eating habits and sedentary lifestyle. His hilarious personality and awesome talent more than made up for his appearance, however. By example, and with encouragement, over time, I influenced Cameron into healthier eating and exercise habits. Over a two year period he went from a pudgy ugly duckling to running the New York Marathon, and being lean and fit.
My eccentric, androgynous appearance had not really changed that much since high school, but I was more refined in my attire and accessories. I was also quite meticulous in enhancing my appearance with unique hair styles and makeup, including experimenting with Cameron and my other colleagues at cosmetology school. In the world of fashion and cosmetology, I was surrounded by eccentric people of all types, and flamboyant gay men are common.
I made some great friends in cosmetology school, but especially Cameron, who is a genius with hair versus my unique talent with makeup. Cameron was and is forever "forcing" me to let him style my stylishly long hair in some eccentric way Cameron has a few small tattoos, but I have never been a tattoo fan. We both like piercing and along the way he convinced me to get my belly-button, nipples and tongue pierced to go along with my previously double-pierced ears. I like being able to look rather conventional on the exterior, but love the sensuality of the hidden accessories.
With his now lean physique, Cameron is much more fashion-conscious in his attire, and I love helping him choose clothes as well as softening his features with my makeup kit.
Cameron had never had much luck in attracting nice boys, given his historic appearance, but with his "makeover", he is now undeniably a sexy gay boy! I have had to convince not to immediately fall in love and have sex with every hot guy that hits on him, which are now many! Although Cameron wears his hair much shorter than mine, it is very cute with bangs and he is also androgynous looking. We actually are more similar in style (including sexually being 100% bottoms), and we both prefer complete opposites. We are constantly gossiping with each other about hot guys we see.
The first few weeks after my split with Jason, Cameron patiently listened to my depressing view of my life. Even though I knew the breakup was for the best, Jason had been the love of my life and my first love. It was hard not to grieve over our lost relationship. Over time, Cameron coerced me to at least go out clubbing with him and our other friends, even though I had no interest in hooking up for a quick sexual encounter. Despite him constantly trying to introduce me to guys at bars or whom he had met elsewhere, I was just not interested in being sexually active with someone I had no feelings for. I had no energy to go to the effort to find a new boyfriend.
Cameron even noted that I had become lackadaisical in my attire selection. Having to agree with him at least motivated me to try harder when we would go out, and eventually I again relished getting decked out and feeling like I looked good. Eventually after over six months of grieving, I began to feel better about myself and would at least give the guys I met a chance. Nothing beyond a couple of weeks dating resulted, but I did meet some nice guys and expanded my network of friends.
Unfortunately, with the few guys I did fool around with, I found their sexual prowess to lacking compared to what I had with Jason. For example, a macho-looking Broadway actor whose makeup I had applied was insistent on me going out with him, and I relented. However, he seemed very narcissistic and all of our dates ended up late hours in gay bars, where he seemed to be parading me around. When we finally went to his apartment his self-absorption extended to sex as he was only able to get hard or get off my masturbating while I watched.
Another promising prospect gone awry was a very GQ looking Goldman Sachs bond trader, whose sister was ballerina I had worked with. Our conversations were frenetic as he talked rapidly (usually about his business) and constantly checked his blackberry. He also seemed nervous about being seen with someone so flamboyant, so we tended to go to dinner at dives in the village. His anxiety extended to the bedroom as he would barely last 30 seconds in my mouth before he came. What I considered mere foreplay, meant he was done for the night and had nothing left for me.
It was bad enough that I had been spoiled by having a compatible boyfriend for so long, but it was really difficult to end up feeling unsatisfied on the few occasions where I had sex. It was depressing and only reminded me of what I had lost when Jason turned south.
Fortunately activities in fashion and cosmetology flourished. Cameron and I have always lent support to each other's careers with referrals and tips on techniques. After cosmetology school, I had begun attending the Fashion Institute of Technology, while also getting as many high profile make-up artist assignments I could muster. Sometimes this was backstage for performing arts from ballet to Broadway, but more often it was at fashion shows by high profile designers being orchestrated by modeling agencies. I loved the excitement surrounding the fashion industry from modeling (i.e. making them look great!) to creatively coming up with designs in my spare time. While I was only doing make-up part-time, Cameron was a full-time hair stylist that had become in high demand with modeling agencies working with their models at shows. At every opportunity, he tries to get me work at the same shows he is working.
Kelly Has a Pulse After All!
One regular gig we ended up with was with a small, but respected, modeling agency, whose four senior directors had spun off from one of the giants. I really liked working for this agency because the models were comparatively professional and appreciative of the work of the stylists and make-up artists. Depending on the show, there was always at least one of the Managing Directors there, barking directions and making the whole thing come together. The MD's were all well-known to the models and as a group the models had generalizations of their MD's respective personalities and styles. I would usually keep my head down and focus on the task at hand, but I loved observing the various activities that made for a successful fashion shoot.
Three of the four Managing Directors are women, but on one occasion I got to observe male MD, John Gregory, in control of the activities. It was hard not to look up and watch him, because he was incredibly handsome and had such a commanding charisma with everyone he worked with. Unlike many shows I had worked, he was able to get great results without yelling orders. The models I worked with liked him because of this and they attributed it to the fact that he had once been a model himself before deciding to get into management. According to the models, he had a reputation to not hit on the models like is so prevalent at many agencies. Even into his late 30's he still had model good looks and many of the female models despaired that he was married and therefore unavailable. Whenever he entered the room, I had chills go down my spine.
I said to Cameron, "If you really want to find me a new boyfriend, he will be exactly like Mr. Gregory."
"That is just like you, getting all excited over someone who is probably unattainable. You are so afraid of getting hurt again that you only allow yourself to be attracted to someone like him, that you are unlikely to ever be with. Kelly, I feel bad about what happened with Jason, but no red-blooded man in New York would be able to resist you if you would just give them a chance. It is about time you quit feeling so sorry for yourself."
Cameron's harsh words hurt because he is almost always upbeat and hates conflict. But the words hurt mostly because they were true.
Thus far, I had never had any contact with Mr. Gregory at the shows he worked, but I would look forward to them with great anticipation...both because it was my favorite agency, but also because I illogically wanted to look good for Mr. Gregory...assuming he ever noticed me. As opposed to wearing baggy jeans and t-shirts, I found myself trying dress up a little, add a little make-up and style my hair, especially when I knew he was going to be there.
Career Break
One such afternoon, Cameron and I arrived early in arriving to the backstage area, and I began setting up my materials. Prior to arriving, I had applied make-up fairly comprehensively, worn tight satin black slacks and a light blue pullover shirt that crept up my midriff when I moved. I also teased my hair out with a curling iron, and even though I tied it back into a high pony-tail, it flowed out stylishly. While Cameron and I were setting up in adjacent rooms, I was startled by deep voice from behind me.
"The creative people are not here yet; you just need to go back to waiting room until we call you."
Now recognizing the voice as Mr. Gregory's I sheepishly turned around and said, "I'm sorry but I am one of the makeup artists."
He looked stunned for a moment and then slowly approached me, causing me to react by feeling (and probably looking) like a baby deer caught in the headlights.
"My goodness, I am so sorry, but I mistook you from behind as one of the female models. Please forgive my mistake, but now that I am looking at you, are you sure you are not a model?"
"Well, I did some modeling when I was younger, but today I am here to help your models look great"
"Well, I am sure you are great at makeup, but if you are interested, I might have some opportunities to get back in front of the camera. By the way, my name is John Gregory, with the agency."
I wasn't trying to be mistaken for a girl, but from behind with my thin physique and with my hair in a pony tail, it was a mistake that anyone could have made. He quickly gave me his card, and asked me to send my resume' to him as well as any modeling photos, old or new. While he was doing this, I had the sense that he was examining me head-to- toe, and his usual confident voice seemed to stammer a bit.
Finally, he said, "I have to get back to work...please send me your stuff. Uh...I am sorry, I did not even ask you your name."
"Hi. I'm Kelly!"
"Well, okay Kelly! I will look forward to learning more about you!"
He hesitantly turned to leave and I was left staring at him as he left. At the door, he looked back at me where I had stood frozen looking at his card, and we both smiled. I was simultaneously inspired by finally getting to talk to him, and flattered that he wanted me to consider some modeling options. I was very happy with my career track, but considering who had asked, if Mr. Gregory had asked me to become a dog catcher, I would have considered it.
When Cameron and I had set up, we got together for a cup of tea and I excitedly relayed the details of the encounter.
"Cameron, I know what you said about him being unattainable, but there was some kind of chemistry definitely going on between us."
"Well congratulations Kelly, you have proven my earlier point! When you want to be desirable and allow yourself to be available, any man on earth is your potential lover. Why should Mr. Gregory be any different? Naturally after we're done today, you will let me help you look fabulous! I know a photographer friend that can take a few pictures as a favor. This is going to be sooo much fun!"
Since we did not know what the potential assignment was we kept my appearance hip by fairly modest. At Cameron's insistence, the photographer took a number of close-ups of my face which really highlighted my olive skin and eyes. Along with a resume', references and the photo portfolio, I delivered the package to the receptionist in the building of Mr. Gregory's agency. For several days, I heard nothing and began to become sad, expecting that I had foolishly allowed my hopes to get up. Finally, I had an email from Mr. Gregory's executive assistant instructing me to be at a photo test session with a photographer. It was very specific in stating that I was to come in just jeans, a t- shirt and other than washing my hair, not to make myself up in any way.
I couldn't help but be disappointed to find that my designated appointment was in a mundane office/photographer studio in an old building in midtown, with several other young men in the waiting room. Right or wrong, I assumed they were competing for the same opportunity I was. No wonder so many fashion models are insecure, because no matter how attractive you try to make yourself, there is always a waiting room full of "beauties" waiting in the wings.
These boys, while general more mainstream looking than me, were all very good looking in their own way and most fit the prototypical height and body type profile. So I definitely was not overconfident when I walked in for my brief photo session with a humorless middle-aged photographer named Jacques and his young and very "flaming" assistant Rene'. Perhaps most disheartening, Mr. Gregory was not there. I had deluded myself into thinking that he was more interested in me than as a "cattle call" participant.
I heard nothing for a week, and had begun to assume that I was not going to hear anything. Finally, I had an email message to call Mr. Gregory at his office, which I returned immediately. His assistant answered the phone and with a very friendly tone, said, "Mr. Gregory will be right with you. He's been waiting for your call." Now my heart was racing with excitement and anticipation. I had no idea, what the opportunity was or if it was even something I wanted to pursue. More importantly, I could not wait to hear Mr. Gregory's rich voice.
When he came online, he was so enthusiastic and nice, telling me that I had been selected to do shots for an eyewear designer that would be used for print ads. Just as exciting, the photo shoot would in Bermuda, for an exotic and warm-looking background versus anything in the Northeast which still had February snow on the ground. After giving me details of contracts etc. and itineraries, I was pleasantly surprised that Mr. Gregory did not seem to be in any hurry to get off the phone. He made a lot of small talk and talked about all the things he had been doing that week, and asking about what I had been doing. After about the call lasting about 20 minutes longer than necessary, he wished me luck and told me that he would talk to me when I returned.
Off to Bermuda. Better than a sharp stick in the eye!
Bermuda or Bust!
As I looked out of my hotel window over the Bermuda coastline, I could scarcely believe that I was even here in this island paradise, much less being paid for a photo shoot as a model!
It had been a whirlwind of excitement since I had gotten the word from Mr. Gregory about this assignment. Fortunately, my fashion school and freelance work commitments were reasonably flexible and everyone was eager to see me have this opportunity. I had received a package of materials which included travel documents and all the information on where I needed to be etc. Most people are amazed that Bermuda is barely over a 2 hour flight from New York. It is still a British possession so the social safety net keeps it clean with a healthy and well-fed local population. The hotel the "team" was staying at was an older, non-branded facility which, while not luxurious, had a great view of the ocean. Considering the tiny apartment I shared with Cameron, this was comparative luxury.
A photography team had already been down their several days doing shots with other models for other clients. After arriving late morning, I was supposed to be available for an early afternoon session that would take advantage of the mid-day lighting. Assuming it went well, I would return the next day. There was a contingency to stay an extra day if mandated by weather, but unless I wanted to pay my own lodging I would go back the next day.
It was all business-like when I arrived at the site with the photo team (especially Jacques and Rene') giving a lot of directions. Although there was a hair and make-up stylist, they did very little to my hair other than brush it back over and behind my ears and add a little blush on my cheeks. Since I was wearing dark or tinted glasses in all my shots, all they added was mascara and pale eye shadow to highlight my eyes. Essentially, attire for me was nothing more than casual shorts, casual slacks and beach attire in a tropical setting. It was nice stuff and stylish, but intentionally conservative so as to not draw attention from my face and the eyewear.
Although it had been a while since I had been in a modeling session, my prior experience definitely helped, not to mention my positive attitude. Given the season, while sunny, it was actually a bit chilly when I had only shorts and short sleeves on. Jacques was a taskmaster of sorts and humorless, as usual, and it made me a bit nervous on the numerous close-ups the session called for. In spite of this, we seemed to get done in less than two hours.
Relaxing Bermuda Style
After finishing the day's shots about 2:30PM, I was going to have the rest of the afternoon off, and could fly home the next day. I felt like the sessions had gone very well but it is harder work than most people realize and I had a lot of built up stress from having to look "perfect" on-demand for so long. Further, even though I really liked all the fashionable clothes I wore, my persona in the pictures was definitely more conventional and serious than the "real me".
Most of all I was simultaneously excited, lonely and horny! Still downcast since I lost Jason, I had not been to bed with anyone else in several months. However, as I planned my afternoon, my loneliness was getting the better of me. While it was great to be on this island paradise, I did not have anyone to share it with. I decided that I would deviate from my norm and go out later that night and bar hop...hopefully finding some sexual companionship in the process. And for a change, I didn't plan on being too picky!
After changing clothes, I went and relaxed on the beach in a very secluded spot and soaked up the sun. I wore a very skimpy bikini brief. Afterwards, I went to the spa and did a circuit of light weights and aerobics machines. Finally, I went upstairs and decided to take a leisurely bath. I took my time, using a whole bottle of bath oil, and decided to shave the barely visible stubble on my legs, underarm and chest that had grown since I had last shaved about a week earlier. As is my usual practice, I took special care to shave crotch area entirely. Removing all the sprays and gels used during the sessions I washed my hair and left conditioner in double the normal time.
Emerging from the tub I felt so refreshed that I decided to get dressed and go shopping at some nearby boutiques. I wasn't getting ready for any occasion other than shopping, but because I liked the idea of appearing more androgynous as is my preferred style. After blow-drying and brushing my hair straight down, I tied most of it into a ponytail, leaving loose bangs and thick stands on either side of my face.
The sun had made my olive skin look very rich, but somewhat dark so I accented fairly generously with mascara, eyeliner and just a touch of beige lip-stick. I wore a very simple outfit including black Juicy Couture terry-cloth short-shorts and a turquoise tank- top that was very snug and left several inches of my midriff showing. I had removed all outwardly visible jewelry for the photo shoot, but I almost always wore earrings on my own time, so I put in a simple set of small gold hoops.
A Surprising Visitor!
Exiting the elevator, I contemplated what shopping areas I would visit. I was anxious about feedback from the photo-shoot but did think I had done my best. I just wanted to relax and feel liberated! Just as I was walking through the lobby to leave, Jacques ran up and stopped me exclaiming, "Oh, we have been trying to find you! We have gotten all the contact sheets processed and Mr. Gregory arrived earlier and is reviewing them right now in my suite. He wants to see you immediately."
I became simultaneously nervous, excited, anxious and scared. Mr. Gregory came all the way to Bermuda to see the results of my photo shoot? What if he didn't like them? On the other hand my heart fluttered with excitement that he was still interested in me and my career. As the Jacques led me to the floor containing my room and apparently his suite, I wondered if I should go back to my room and change into something more conservative. Before I could decide what to do, we had arrived at Jacques' suite. "I found Kelly!" the photographer bellowed as we entered the room. Mr. Gregory was in the living room area looking at photo boards. Mr. Gregory looked dashing in a tailored business suit completed by a blue white-collared shirt and a crimson Italian tie.
He turned and paused briefly as he looked me over, pausing to note my long, smooth legs jutting from the skimpy terry-cloth shorts. Then with a huge smile that almost made me melt and said, "Kelly, these pictures look great and Jacques here said you did a great job and were easy to work with!" I quickly looked at the photographer who seemed embarrassed that his compliments had been revealed to me. Jacques said, "I don't usually give a lot of compliments while working, but you did do a great job and had a great attitude. We got twice as many good shots as I usually get with others." I was somewhat overwhelmed and thanked him quietly and realized that even though he was a dictator while working, he was very warm and friendly when not working.
As I turned back to Mr. Gregory, I noticed that he was still visually inspecting me head- to-toe. When our eyes met we both blushed a little bit but both had huge smiles. Just then Rene' emerged from the adjoining bedroom and smiled and patted me on the shoulder as he walked by me and went by Jacques' side where they stood with their arms around each other. I had definitely guessed that Rene' was gay but had no idea about Jacques. I was shocked...not that they were both gay...but that they were a couple and had been staying in the same room the whole time.
While Jacques and Mr. Gregory continued talking I made eye contact with Rene' and we exchanged knowing smiles. After a little bit of talk about the shoot, Rene' tugged on Jacques' arm and told him it was time to leave. I then overheard Rene' whispering to Jacques, "I think he wants to discuss this privately with Kelly." They then let saying they were going to go on a sunset sailboat ride and then out to dinner. Jacques urged us to stay and look at the photos as long as we wanted.
After they left, Mr. Gregory turned towards me and again surveyed me from head-to-toe. "Kelly, you really look awesome in the pictures. In fact, you look awesome right now! Speaking of dinner, if you don't have plans maybe we could go to dinner later!"
I responded coyly, "Well, I had a message from the Boss Models people asking me to join them, but I guess I can reschedule for you!" He laughed heartily at my sarcasm, and then said, "You did great! I think shots from this session will end up being used for months. I am going to talk to them about paying to get you on an exclusive basis for their product line."
"Wow!"
He then directed me back to the table where we looked at the shots. It is hard to look at pictures of yourself, and be objective. In fact, I didn't feel like I even was the person in the pictures. As we leaned over the table and reviewed the various poses, he stood slightly behind and to the side of me and eventually rested his hand on my opposite shoulder. Although his touch sent chills down my spine, I did not immediately react. However, since I did not resist his touch he left his hand there. After a few moments, I systematically moved closer and closer until I was up against his side. The sexual chemistry was unmistakable and (remembering Cameron's advice) I became emboldened to be more assertive with him.
"I feel so lucky to have gotten this chance. And it's all because of you!"
I turned under his arm and faced him and gave him a sustained hug, resting my face against his shoulder. Soon we were both hugging, longer and tighter than just a friendly embrace. With a heavy sigh, he pushed away while still leaving his hand atop my shoulders.
"Time-out! You deserve everything that has happened and what will happen. I don't want you to think we have to be extra nice to me to support your career. And in the interest of full disclosure, you should know that I am married, even though it is only a marriage of convenience in deference to our kids. If you still want to have dinner I can fill you in on the details. But I don't want you to make you feel like you have to go to dinner with me."
I laughed internally at his angst because he did not know that I already knew he was married. Between being overcome with excitement about my career, my incredible attraction to him, the romantic atmosphere of Bermuda and my previously described horniness, I was practically his "conquest" already even though he did not know it!
Using my most waif-like and "innocent" demeanor, I asked "So what time is dinner?"
We both laughed and then we made plans. The agency used a series of time-share condos for its senior executives, and Mr. Gregory had secured one, while he was in Bermuda. We made plans to get together in about two hours meeting at an upscale restaurant overlooking the ocean.
OMG Be Careful What You Wish For!
I left there a little bit in a panic because I now needed to decide what to wear and I had definitely not planned my packing list to include dinner at a nice restaurant with a GQ man I was infatuated with. The thing that did excite me was that Mr. Gregory (funny that I had not ever called him by his first name!) had, like our first meeting, just seen me wearing very androgynous clothing and a fairly significant amount of makeup. There was now no doubt that he found this aspect of me attractive.
There was a nearby shopping village with several boutiques. I saw nothing of interest in the two nearby men's stores, but in one really trendy store for both men and women I saw a racy red vinyl corset top on a female mannequin. In front it was vest-like with a number of steel rings accenting. It shopped several inches above the waist of the mannequin which meant it would show several inches of my midriff. In the back, it laced-up from top-to-bottom, but left 3-4 several inches of skin showing at its narrowest point. It was racy and risky for me to consider wearing this to dinner with Mr. Gregory but I was in a risk-taking mood and I kept staring at it.
A young salesgirl with a charming British accent approached me as I was looking at it and I could tell she was startled a bit when she got close and realized I was not a girl. She recovered quickly, however and was very friendly. The sales girl did not seem surprised to see that I was interested in it for myself. She was very helpful and when I tried it on, she tied the lacing to be tighter in the chest where a woman's bust-line would normally stick out so it was snug all over. As I looked in the full length mirror, it really highlighted my thin waist. I almost wish I could have also worn the skimpy shorts to dinner, but that would have been too casual. I told her I would buy it!
She offered to untie the top but I told her I needed to wear it, since I would never get it re-laced by myself. She asked coyly, "Oh, hot date tonight?" I blushed and replied, "Oh yeah! And it's our first date. I'm so nervous!" She the said, "Well let me help you! I don't want to be nosy, but we are talking about a he or a she? It will help me think of ideas for you." I laughed at the idea that she might think that I might be dressing up for a date with a girl, and she laughed also, when I told her this. I would have given anything to have my black lace-up leather pants that were in my closet in New York. She told me any designer jeans would work great with the top and I did have a black pair at the hotel that were quite snug-fitting and low-cut as well as having tapered zip-up lower legs.
She then "accessorized me" with a red belt, dangling earrings with red colored stones and a red choker necklace that matched the corset top, including a single steel ring that hung down in the center. As a coverall, she provided a black linen waist-jacket that would look good with my jeans and we were able to find a pair of platform reddish leather clogs that fit my feet. As I was leaving she winked at me and put a sampler vial of fragrance and a pair of red silk bikini underwear into my shopping bad and said, "This is on the house! Good luck!"
My hair actually looked great from having it washed earlier, but just needed some styling. Rather than do something elaborate I decided to just brush it straight down taking advantage of the layering that had been done the last time I had it cut by Cameron. I parted it just off center and falling across my eyebrows on one side of my face. A curling iron to greatly add to the body and create gentle waves, while turning the hair outward on the back and sides and over my ears. My hair fell just below my collar in a consistent length in back and the sides, but with gentle wave throughout the layers.
I rushed back to the hotel to finish getting dressed and apply additional makeup to what I had done earlier. I added red-hued eye shadow and re-applied mascara. I then put a thin, but distinctive layer of red lip gloss that matched the rest of the ensemble. Now I mainly needed to put on my jeans, belt, necklace and new red earrings. Although the single strand of red earrings would have been sufficient, I decided to also wear the diamond stud earrings that my ex-boyfriend Jason had given me in the upper holes.
I actually had not worn them since we had broken up, but I was finally feeling free and excited for the first time in months. Feeling extra frisky, I hoped that I was going to get to show Mr. Gregory how good it felt to be orally serviced with tongue barbell and put it in. My tight fitting jeans effectively had no functional pockets, so I wore my small fanny pack held up by a loose chain to carry makeup, a hairbrush and personal supplies that I hoped we would need! It was definitely me at my androgynous best, but by wearing the black jacket, I didn't look too conspicuous as I left the hotel in a cab.
Romance is in the Air
The restaurant was located about five miles away on a more remote area of the beachfront. When I arrived, the tuxedoed host told me that Mr. Gregory had not arrived yet but that I could wait in "your dining room". We proceed along the rapidly filling main dining room which boasted a beautiful view of the water out of its floor-to-ceiling windows. I was surprised to see us turn and go up stairs and enter one of about four doorways. Inside was a rectangular private dining room about 20 by 30 feet which had a sitting area with a sofa and chairs and a small table set near an open air balcony. There was already an open bottle of wine on ice in the sitting area. I was stunned by the romantic intimacy of the room and spectacular view that captured the beautiful sunset over the water.
I waited at the edge of the balcony letting the breeze hit my face. After about 10 minutes I heard the door open behind me and my heart fluttered as I saw Mr. Gregory enter, all refreshed and wearing simple khaki pants and a blue blazer, with a light blue shirt and pastel-blended tie. The confidence of his demeanor was intoxicating and it was not hard to see why he had been such a successful traditional male model.
With the host also in the room, I simply said "Hi!" sheepishly.
"Hello Kelly," he said in his soft but deep voice, "thanks for joining me tonight."
I replied, "The pleasure is all mine, Mr. Gregory. What an incredible place to have dinner!"
He laughed and said, "Hey I'm only 39 but I already feel like a cradle-robber around you! Will you please at least call me John?"
John told me that I looked wonderful, and I returned the compliment. I then decided to go back on "offense" and moved closer to him and helped him take it take off his jacket. Although I could tell he had already checked me out, he was in for a big surprise as he moved to help me remove my coat. As he took it off from behind, he started to tell me that my hair look good, but he stopped mid-sentence when he saw there was a vertical strip of my tan skin where the corset top laced up. When I turned around he got the full effect of my tan, uncovered arms and shoulders, the now-visible belly ring and matching accessories.
John exclaimed, "Wow!"
I pursed my lips and asked, "So I take that to mean you approve?"
Although I was ready to go down on him right there, I decided to be a little mysterious and hard-to-get, and gently pushed away and returned to the balcony and changed the subject to the restaurant and how pretty the view was. Our waiter entered and took our order and we moved from the sitting area to the table. I then re-directed the discussion away from "small talk".
I asked playfully, "So what is it that you wanted to tell me? That you are happily married, but your wife doesn't mind if you take out with young male fashion models on romantic dinners in Bermuda?"
In isolation, the words might have put a chill on John's designs for me, but I wore a sultry smile. Before he could respond I used both of my hands to gently take hold of one of his and leaned over and kissed it. I said, "You know I was kidding. It's okay. You don't have to explain anything to me."
John Gregory-More than Meets the Eye
John did insist on explaining himself, however. In summary, he and his wife met when they were only eighteen when they both came to New York University in their "free- spirited youth". John attended part-time while pursuing a modeling career while she attended full time with an ambition of becoming a writer. They were married when they were both twenty, and a daughter and son soon followed. They both had become quite successful in their chosen fields, as his wife had a successful career writing articles and non-fiction books on women's issues. They had a large beach house in the Hamptons where she stayed and worked; while he lived in an Upper East Side brownstone during most weekdays. In theory, family time was on the weekends in the Hamptons. The daughter was in college in New England and his son was a senior at boarding school.
Over time, as both of them had extraordinary financial success, career pressures and other things caused them to grow apart. They had once almost divorced due to an extended affair she'd had with her publishing agent. In the end they decided to stay together for the sole benefit of their children, the daughter now being in college and the son, who was a senior at boarding school. They had evolved to a "don't ask, don't tell" unspoken arrangement regarding having sex outside the relationship. John sarcastically noted after the kids were born that his wife told him she did not enjoy giving him blow-jobs, and sexuality had gone downhill from there. By eliminating the pretension that there was any romance or sex in the marriage, it had allowed them to forge a friendship/partnership for weekends and holidays when the kids were home at school.
John concluded, "My wife and I don't trade stories about our outside sex life, but suffice it to say we both have slept with other men and women. In truth, I really don't have as wild of a life as you might suspect. It has been a long time since I have been with anyone, and a really long time since I have been with another guy. But you are not exactly like just any guy, Kelly! Your face is so sweet and beautiful, and you are so sexy, I couldn't help being attracted to you from the first moment I saw you."
I said nothing but smiled and moved closer to him. John went on to talk about his kids and all their accomplishments. He was so proud of his children and he seemed to have a great relationship with both. As John continued to speak of his children with such pride I got caught up in the conversation not only about the details of their lives, but also that this handsome man seemed to be a great father. Eventually he told me that he was fairly certain that his 17 year old son was at least "confused" about whether he liked boys or girls. For the last two years, he had become obviously close to his roommate at boarding school and John had surmised that there was more than friendship involved.
One weekend when his son's roommate was visiting, John could not help but notice the fact that they were always looking into each other's eyes for long moments. John accidentally happened upon them undetected, on a remote area of the beach. He briefly watched them from a distance, seemingly having an argument or an animated discussion, yielding to an extended embrace. When they began to walk his way, John returned home home and informed his wife of the situation and they agreed that their son would need their support not judgment. As opposed to confronting his son with his suspicions and discoveries, John and his wife went out of their way to let him know that they loved him no matter what he was or did.
In private, John even hinted to his son about the ambiguous world of modeling and hinted that he himself had been involved in "a wide range of experiences". John's son did not "come out" per se. Instead, on the roommate's frequent visits, John and his wife created safe opportunities for them to have uninterrupted privacy. Whether his son's roommate was just a friend or a lover had not become clear to John, although John did not rule out that his son might discover girls when out of the boarding school environment. In any event, John viewed the roommate as a great young man who was otherwise a good influence, and he would be happy if they stayed together. His daughter was the polar opposite and "notoriously heterosexual". While she got along with her brother, they were not particularly close.
I was impressed that despite his success and power, John was so grounded in his views and in particular his supportive parenting. It really made me appreciate the same supportive home I had been raised in with my mother. The discussions were transforming my feeling for John from opportunistic lust to something deeper. I had never had a father figure like John in my life, even though my mother was so great in her support. I don't think my father's absence caused me to be gay. In fact, I know I was born this way. I have always been comfortable being gay because my mother supported and even encouraged me. Having heard so many war stories from gay friends who have terrible relationships with their parents, I knew I was lucky and so was John's son.
Despite the initial flirting and physical "sizing-up" that had gone on when we first met for dinner, as John and I told each other our life stories we became closer in mind and spirit. I could tell that John was sympathetic that my unusual nomadic upbringing did not include my biological father or really any father figure. He was unaware of my accomplishments in music and dance and was impressed by that I also had enough ambition to attend the Fashion Institute after learning a "trade" at cosmetology school. While I initially thought he was being nice to me primarily because he wanted to get in my pants, I began to realize that he had underestimated me and it intrigued him! I had managed to avoid talking about my previous relationships but John finally brought it up.
He asked, "What about you? You can probably be with anyone you want. Are you involved with someone or do you like to be a free-agent?"
I laughed at the analogy and told John without too many details that I had been involved for over nearly five years dating back to high school but the relationship had a very sad ending. He seemed to understand that I did not want to discuss it further and did not press for details.
As the waiter brought the main course we changed the discussion to hobbies and interests. Despite our age difference we had vastly overlapping tastes in music and movies. John's occupation made it mandatory that he keep up with the modern pop culture of my generation. Yet, John was astounded with my encyclopedic knowledge of the 60's, 70's and 80's music and movies that he was reared on. We were on our second bottle of wine and really cutting-up with laughter as we talked.
Kelly Goes For Broke
After dessert, I excused myself to the restroom, where I opened my shoulder bag and rinsed my mouth with mouthwash and dabbed on some of the fragrance I had gotten from the boutique salesgirl. I started to brush my hair before I looked in the mirror and realized it didn't need it. I tried to gather my thoughts on what was to happen next. There were a lot of reasons I should avoid going further...him being married and intending to stay that way, the age difference, and him being in management at my modeling agency, among the obvious!
However, what was really giving me pause was that knew I could easily become emotionally attached to him, given the opportunity. Given my shaky confidence, I could see heartbreak down the road. On the other hand, I had begun the afternoon fully intending to go out clubbing where I did not know anyone, hoping to get laid if at all possible with a total stranger. Now I had been presented with an opportunity to be with someone I had been fantasizing over. Perhaps I should just go with the moment and enjoy the guilty pleasures that the evening held in store! I began to realize that perhaps John might be having cold feet, as well. After all, he was not gay...at best bisexual. I was not sure if our "serious" discussion had diminished his interest in me. Looking in the mirror, I added lip gloss and decided that I would give him my best shot and not give him a choice on whether we shared a bed this night!
With this silent pep-talk to myself, I strutted back into the room and went past the table where John was sitting and leaned out against the balcony wall. With an anxious expression, he quickly joined me and rested his arm around my bare lower back.
"So what do you think?"
I answered with feigned surprise, "About what?"
"About tonight; about us."
"I think this is the most romantic dinner, at the best restaurant, on the most beautiful island, with the nicest and sexiest man I have been to in days!"
He laughed again at my sarcasm, but I now turned to him and leaned up against him. After several seconds of eye contact and we gently kissed in the moonlight. It felt so good to be kissed and I felt like I was melting into him! He rested one hand on my bare lower back and used the other hand to run his fingers through my hair. Even standing taller than usual due to the platform clogs, I was still several inches shorter than John and he had to lean down as we hugged and kissed more aggressively.
I began to quickly dart the tongue-barbell against his tongue and by his surprise I realized he had not noticed it before.
"That feels wild! I've never kissed someone with a tongue piercing. Wow!"
"Well if it feels good to be kissed, wait 'til I show you what else I can do with it!"
That caused us both to start laughing and this led to a hasty exit back to his condominium in the taxi, laughing and playfully tickling each other along the way. The well-furnished condo was about 1500 square feet and a large bedroom with a king bed and a smaller bedroom with two queen beds. There was also a fully equipped office. Although I later learned that it also had a good balcony view, we did not spend any time on a detailed tour. Reverting to the patient, gentle style at the restaurant, John led me to the master bedroom and we kissed passionately while standing up. While we kissed, I undid his shirt buttons and before long I had him all the way undressed!
When I removed his boxers I was a little in shock at how large his penis was. Being monogamous with Jason for years, I had not actually been with that many men and it was by far the largest I had seen up close. It only got larger when I knelt down and gently massaged the shaft and balls with my hands.
I said in a mocking voice, "My goodness! You look like you're getting really big and really excited." I then softly wet-kissed each of his balls and the head of his penis and looked up asking, "What are we going to do about this?!"
John was becoming overcome with excitement and he pulled me up and helped me undress. I first took off my shoes and jeans, and while he noted my red underwear, I turned and asked him to untie my corset. When I turned around he noticed that I had small nipple rings. Now wearing only the red silk panties I ran my fingers through my hair and separated it out over my ears. I seductively stood before John for several seconds letting him fully take in my lean body. I then pulled the covers back and laid back and waited for John to join me.
He joined me and we kissed passionately. John seemed to enjoy touching me and was very much in control in bed. He spent several minutes sucking and tickling my nipples. With my nipple rings, the sensation of his tongue made them firm up, to say nothing about giving me an even bigger erection. He began massaging my comparatively small but quite erect shaft through the panties until I took them off. He chuckled when he saw my fully shave crotch area. John repeatedly told me how sexy I was and he was intrigued by my smallish but well-toned frame, and ultra-smooth skin. He did not force any further activity on me, so I eventually took the initiative and began using my mouth (and barbell!) to work my way down his neck, chest and abdomen.
I was both horny and enchanted to be in bed with John and I was not going to disappoint him with my oral sex. It was by far the biggest penis I have ever serviced, but after I got used to the size I attacked with all the passion I could muster. I briefly thought about what a shame it was for John that his wife was not interested in oral sex or satisfying him in general. I was determined to give the best oral servicing possible to make up for his wife's neglect, not to mention the faint hope of keeping him interested in me after what I feared would only be a one-night stand.
Besides that, I love to give head and I am pretty sure I am pretty good at it! Bringing a man to ecstasy is a complete turn-on as is the excitement of feeling him tense up and explode in my mouth, and then savoring the taste as I swallow. It is a complete embodiment of pleasing a man. If swallowing an orgasm could cause pregnancy in a guy, then I would have more children than a Mormon bride!
John loved the sensation of the barbell and I slowed down occasionally to keep him from coming too early. He loved the extended effort I put into loving his genitals and I was in no hurry for him to come. I had long before become expert in deep-throating and he loved this as well. After some delaying tactics on my part, with a final use of the barbell against the shaft underside, I could feel him tense-up. When he tried to warn me that he was going to come in my mouth, I quickly answered "You promise?" Instead of pulling off I bore down deeper and used my hands to rapidly tickle his balls and vigorously massage his crotch hair. John moaned loudly as his shaft quivered before unleashing a huge volume of fluid in my mouth.
Through much experience, I had learned to swallow while still continuing to move my head up and down and using my hands to tickle and massage. John seemed amazed by this. As he finished coming, John was breathless with excitement and told me that it was "unbelievable". I thought to myself that no female (and his wife, in particular) must have ever taken care of him so well! I had learned long ago to love the flavor of a man's outflow, and I was relishing the aftertaste of his delicious come. I have always loved looking at the face of satisfaction after I give head and knowing that the look was because of me. After a few minutes of rest, he began to position himself as if to reciprocate. I enjoyed letting him kiss me and gently suck on my nipples, but then I stopped him abruptly. While him giving me head might be fun another time, I was aching to feel his enormous member inside me.
I got up to get a drink of water before settling back into bed under John's shoulders. On the way back I moved my fanny pack over to the nightstand and he looked at me inquisitively. He quickly figured out my intentions when I pulled out a small bottle of K-Y liquid and a condom. I spent several minutes gently massaging his shaft and before long he was quite erect again. I patiently un-wrapped the condom and put it on him. I then covered his shaft with the K-Y liquid and began massaging him again. He took the bottle from me and squirted a generous amount on my penis and balls and then onto his hand which he used to spread it into my anal area. He then used one finger, and then two to massage my ass and loosen up my sphincter.
I then positioned myself in a straddling manner above him and used my hand to gently guide him to the entrance to my anus. I was far from a stranger to anal sex but his shaft was so much larger than I was used to that it was almost like I was doing it for the first time. I knew what pleasure awaited me, however, and I patiently worked up and down until the head was fully in, and then began to push down consistently deeper as my muscles relaxed.
John loved it and on one of my down-thrusts, he grabbed my hips and arched upward which cause him to go fully inside of me. I almost lost my breath and was initially dizzy from the pressure. It now did not hurt however, and with wide-eyes I fell onto John and we kissed passionately while now thrusting and pumping in unison. As we fell into a rhythm, I contracted my sphincter muscles around him after he pushed inside me and was withdrawing.
He was not content with only one position and with the incredible endurance he also entered me from the back while I was on my stomach and while I stood leaning over the bed. Finally, he entered me from the front, in missionary position, and I wrapped my legs around him as we became one unit. Finally I could hold it no longer, and I moaned loudly as I began spewing fluid all over his stomach and my chest. As if on cue, he lunged even harder and let out a groan as he came into the condom. We rested silently for several minutes before he turned to me and gently pushed my disheveled hair out of my face and leaned over to me where we kissed deeply.
"Kelly, I'm not just saying this. That was the best sex I have ever had!"
Feeling guilty as I briefly thought of Jason, I responded truthfully, "It was for me, too!"
For the first time, I now finally felt sexually and emotionally free from Jason!
We rested some more, but eventually went after it again, with John insisting on giving me a better blow-job than I would have expected, swallowing every drop. After a long shower where we gently washed each other, we finally fell asleep in an embrace. About 9:30 AM I woke up and quietly went to the bathroom to collect myself and get ready to make my way back to my hotel. My flight was scheduled to leave just after noon and I needed to pack and check out. Looking at myself in the mirror, I was a disheveled mess! About all I could do was brush my hair into a simple ponytail. For someone who prided himself on my appearance, I looked pretty trashed out. I really had no expectations that this was anything other than a one-night stand...a great one-night stand. I felt great about it, liberated from Jason and even anxious to get back to New York and spread my wings in my social and sex life.
As I exited the bathroom I was going to put my clothes back on, but I looked over and saw John's beautiful body lying on his back, still fast asleep. He had been so sweet to me and unbelievably considerate as a lover. I couldn't resist the temptation to get back in bed with him. Without waking him, I slipped my head under the covers and began gently tickling his lower abdomen with my tongue. Like many men, John actually was semi- erect while he slept. I gently took him in my mouth, stopping occasionally to lick his balls as I gently massaged them.
Somewhere along the way to a full erection, John stirred and he sighed in pleasure and began massaging my head and neck while I worked. As always I took my time, but with a few hours sleep, it did not take John to get to full attention. While John seemed in ecstasy being on the receiving end, I was thrilled when he exploded yet again into my mouth.
"Good Morning John. I hope you don't mind if I wanted breakfast in bed."
"No problem. (chuckle) No problem at all!"
"Actually, I wanted to give you something to remember me by. I need to get back to my hotel and get ready to leave since my flight leaves just after lunch."
"I don't want you to leave! If I could make a few arrangements, would you stay over another day with me?"
I was really shocked that he asked me, because I figured that now that he had "bagged" me, that that would be the end of our little affair. Now I was beginning to see our mutual attraction in a different light. I told him that I would love to stay.
He said nothing but he quickly got up and I could hear him talking on the phone in the condo office. Suffice it to say, John's "business trip" to Bermuda was extended, and I had no commitments preventing me from staying. I checked out of the hotel but did not fly home as originally planned but moved into the condo with John for what turned out to be nearly two more days of continuous lovemaking and even a little sightseeing!
John treated me like royalty and was so considerate at every turn. Most of the time he could not keep his hands off me, whether holding hands of pulling me close when we were seated. During the day, we enjoyed the sights of the island and he insisted on giving me his credit card so I could shop for more clothes while we were there. I tried not to disappoint him and worked hard to look sexy! I know I did not disappoint him in bed! Making love numerous times in a two day period, we became even more expert in pleasing each other, while also becoming more relaxed and playful. John balanced gentle foreplay and pampering with savage lust when we had intercourse. Naturally, he received all this and more from me. One great thing was that John was completely comfortable being openly affectionate with me, holding hands and pulling me close when we were seated.
"I don't expect to see anyone I know. Even if I did, once they saw you they wouldn't be surprised to see me wanting to be with you."
At a more casual dinner the next night, we drank champagne over candlelight, seated close with John's hand either holding mine atop the table, or caressing my inner thigh underneath. On this occasion, I wore a newly purchased pair of leather pants and a red crushed leather long sleeve pullover shirt. I had used a curling iron to create teased-out trellises which gave my hair even a wilder look than the previous night. You could say I did look a bit slutty. And John loved it!
Conclusion-Or is It?
I allowed myself to be pampered by this wonderful man of the world, while on this dream vacation. Our final lust session before we had to leave was as passionate as the first. John began to talk openly about the things we would do together when we went back to New York, and made it sound like it was a foregone conclusion that we were now in a relationship. It sounded wonderful but pretty ambitious to me, given all the practical realities of our lives...or at least his.
There was a lot for me to consider professionally. Was I ready to abandon a budding career in cosmetology and a longer term goal of fashion design, to pursue modeling? But that hardly seemed important compared to the fact that my "love-at-first sight" for John weeks before had now been fulfilled. I tried to manage my expectations with the practical possibility that John would lose interest once stateside and his family and business relationships beckoned.
We held hands on the last flight back to Newark. As we were about to depart in separate town cars...John to the Hamptons for family time; me back to my apartment with Cameron...there was one last embrace and one last kiss.
"Kelly, I'll call you soon."
"I'll be waiting!"
*Note: For more background, please refer to a 2004 journal writing that can be found at:
/nifty/gay/highschool/kellys-journey.
Comments: kellyboygirl@yahoo.com