Kayden Chapter 5

This story involves gay fiction. I don't like writing bout sex, so you won't find it in here, I might suggest some of it, but no hardcore. This is basically the story of my life; there have been alterations in names places, and events. There is no sex blah, blah, blah. You know the rest. If you've gone this far, I can't stop you anymore.

Kayden- By Ryan Keith

Chapter 5- Kayden's Past: Part 2

The window was open. The wind was blowing. My door was open. Still, I couldn't breathe. Kade had just revealed to me a portion of his past. For such a young kid, so much has happened to him, and there was enough material to write a short story of his life. I knew there was more to his running away. He ran away for a reason. For now that reason remained a secret.

Lost in my own thoughts, I forgot about Kade's condition. His breathing was rough and his eyes were puffy. I knew he was holding back his tears. As sickening as it may sound, I wanted to see him cry. Not to observe his torment, but so that I could reach out to him and offer him comfort. Nothing in the world would satisfy me more than to hold his body against mine. I wasn't thinking anything sexual: I just wanted him to confide in me.

"Kayden... Do you want to stop? We can do this another day when you're up to it." I emphasized.

He shook his head.

"I want to keep going. I feel as if I'm being torn apart, but it feels good. It wants to be free, Zac. Can I ask you to hear me out? I know it's being selfish, but I don't think I can hold it in anymore." Kade struggled with his words.

"I'll listen. You shouldn't have to hold in so much. None of us should. I can be here for you if you want."

"Thanks." He said grinning. I'm glad I was sitting up, because my legs were totally gone. How can anyone stand after seeing a smile like that?

"After a few days," Kade continued his story, "Rick and I got acquainted with each other. I felt like I could tell him everything, and I did."

Sounds like me and dad, I thought.

"I was surprised to find out that the place I had broken into hadn't been his only house. In fact it was a getaway house from the city. Almost like a cottage without a lake or pond. After his family passed away, he couldn't bring himself to stay there, or sell it. So he just kept it as a place to run to once in a while. He lived in a double suite condominium in Toronto. He always liked the extra room, and he said he didn't mind giving it to me. It took all summer to finally get settled it. Everything was almost like it had been in my old life. I ran in the morning, took karate lessons and kickboxing, and had someone I could talk to. I started grade 9 that September. Everything was going great; I even met my first friend, Sean."

The mention of this boy's name made Kayden's face smile for a moment, but quickly saddened. I settled to hear what he had to tell.

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The new school I was at wasn't too bad. It wasn't the best high school and I knew some kids had knifes or some kind of weapon. I was scared being a grade nine, but I did my best not to show it. I decided not to be the same person I was in my old life. Instead, I was going to be quiet, reserved, and intimidating. I'd already seen great results. People went out of their way to steer clear of me, and talked about me without knowing me. Others spread rumors about me. I overheard one of them: apparently I was a rough kid who had been expelled from my elementary school, so my parents had to move to Toronto and start a new life. Well, at least the new life was correct. I never bothered to correct them. I liked the fact that no one knew about me, I liked the attention I received from being the outcast.

By November I was feared. I was smaller than most, but the fact that I took kickboxing and karate was common knowledge and helped reinforce that fear. My sensei told me that my eyes would change when I was serious. I thought that was cool, so I tried to keep my intensity at a high level. Despite how I looked at school, Rick and I were really cool with each other. He helped me get up on my feet again. He didn't even ask for anything; he just watched me like a guardian. At times he would tell me to smile more, and around him I couldn't hold that serious demeanor as much. His mood would make me laugh and smile. I was enjoying this life.

"Hey Shit-face!" I didn't know who was being called but I turned anyways. I wasn't going to stand for anyone's insults.

I turned to see Blake, a guy two years older than me. I had gathered that he was an intimidating individual in the short time I'd attended my new school. Many people feared him. I couldn't see why though: he was a big kid, but nothing about him was scary except his words. Although he was massive, he looked pretty weak. He was just a walking building.

Well, he was lucky he wasn't talking to me. I would have decked him if he had been. Instead, Blake's anger was directed to a guy my age. I could recognize the boy Blake was yelling at: Sean, a boy from my Math class. I was really impressed with him. I looked up to him for being so smart. Unfortunately for me, my skills in the math and sciences were below your average student.

"What are you waiting for? Go get the food from the café." Blake spat.

Sean looked frightened, "But Blake, I'm going to be late for my next class. I ..."

"Just do as you're told, like a good bitch," the ass said.

"Y-yes, sir." Sean replied. "Can I have some money to buy the food?"

"No, I don't have any. Use yours," Blake said as he walked my direction.

As he approached me he was checking out the girls around him and wasn't really paying any attention to where he was walking. He was walking directly toward me. For some reason, I hate bullies. It might be the fact that my dad taught me never to be intimidated by them. I could watch out for myself, but it pissed me off to see punks like Blake use a gentle boy like Sean.

Blake obviously didn't see me, so I stepped to the side leaving my leg stretched for him to trip over. I lifted my foot as he stepped over it causing him to lose his footing. I could see it in slow motion: his grunting face, the low groans and he began to fall, and the echoing aftershock of his fall. I wanted to laugh my ass off, but kept my face still. He sure was a pushover for a big guy. I, however, did not laugh. It would ruin my impression. I just stood over him, darkly glaring down at him with an otherwise straight face.

"What the fuck, you asshole!" He spat, "Who the fu..." He stopped mid sentence as he raised his head to see me.

"Watch where you walk, you fucking idiot," I angrily swore at him.

The entire hallway had stopped when Blake fell. They were all looking at us waiting for the fight that was sure to come. It never happened. Blake got up and tried to stare me down. I didn't move. He eventually understood I would mop the floor with his face if he didn't back down. I was confident I could take him on.

"Watch it punk. You don't know who you're messing with." Blake said in a low voice.

"And you think I give a fuck? Perhaps you should watch where the fuck you're walking. If you want to fight about it, name the place and time, and I'll see you to it."

I didn't have time to hear his response. I turned and walked away. It was like the parting sea to Moses. The wall of students before me opened up. Every eye watched me as I left the scene. I was really pissed. The adrenaline was pumping, and I was hungry. I made my way to the Café. I didn't feel like going to my next class.

"You should watch who you mess with man," said the wavering voice. I turned to see Sean staring at me, his fists clenched, and breathing hard. His cheek looked a bit purple. People who couldn't stand up for themselves pissed me off just as much as bullies.

"Whatever, tell your friend, if he really is your friend, I would fight him any day." I cockily said.

"No doubt you can beat him, but Blake's in a gang. Their leader is a big guy. The man is a school drop out. He owns most of the bad-asses in the area. The guy is bad news, with drugs and stuff. They sell weed to students here." Sean stated.

"Whatever. Doesn't look like you should hang around him." I said with no emotion. "The guy uses you, why don't you just stay away from him. Like you said, he's in a gang."

Sean stared down silently, "I can't. My brother is part of their gang. And they make me do stuff for them." He quickly looked up, "But they also look out for me. Make sure I'm not bothered or hurt."

I stared at the bruise on his face and said, "Doesn't look like they did a good job.

"Oh. Well it happened after you tripped my brother. He...sometimes gets angry." Sean quietly told me.

What the hell? Blake is his brother? I would have never guessed.

"Well tell him to watch out. I won't stand for his bullying anymore. If I see him picking on you or anyone else for that matter, tell him I will deal with him."

I don't know why I said what I said. Usually people who get bullied piss me off because they can't stand up for themselves. Sean was different. It was like it wasn't in his nature to fight back. I didn't understand it, but I wanted to watch out for him.

I really felt like hurting Blake. How can he do this to his own brother? Why the hell do I care?

I really didn't feel hungry anymore. I just walked out and decided to go home.

"Thanks Kayden. My name's Sean by the way. I guess I'll see you around." He shouted as I walked. I simply lift my hand up a bit to acknowledge his introduction.

As the month came to a close, I found myself slowly getting closer to Sean. He was in my math class as well as in my English class. I'd just never realized it. Sean was a small boy compared to Blake. He had a small body with simple features of light red blond hair, green eyes, and a very skinny build. It was like his brother ate all his food or something.

Eventually Sean and I had lunch together. We never hung out after school, but we still enjoyed each other's company. I did a shit job of showing it, though. To anyone else it probably looked like Sean was idolizing me and following me around.

Everything was going great until Blake found out how much time his brother and I were hanging out. I was hoping he would fear me enough to know I didn't give a shit and would leave us alone. I was wrong.

"Hey Kayden!" Someone shouted out. I was on my way home from school. It had been a great day thus far.

I turned around and came face to face with Blake and Sean who was followed by two other guys.

I wasn't prepared for what I saw. Sean, his faced looked partially beaten.

"What the hell did you do to him you bastard?" I yelled, charging him.

Blake just hid behind his two friends he brought with him. Both were not students from my high school, so I assumed they were from this gang Blake belongs to. Sean's lip had dried blood and his eye was swollen. I snapped.

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"What happened?" Zac asked.

I sat motionless for a moment recalling that harsh day. The fact that I creamed all three of them really didn't appeal to me. I felt a bit sick, and angry I had let myself do something like that. It had been the first time I had snapped.

"I fought them, and won." I said in low voice.

"Wow cool! Did you do your martial arts stuff?"

"Yeah, but I did take a beating. I was hurt pretty bad. Apparently my little win was over exaggerated and it was all over the school. The fake story was that I had beaten Blake and his stupid gang, all 40 members of them and came out unscratched. Rumor had it I was offered a position in this gang Blake belonged to," I told Zac.

"It's funny how people blow everything out of proportion" Zac replied. He seemed a bit peeved off.

"It was all untrue except the fact that I was offered a position. They wanted me in, but I refused. After that, Sean stopped following me around. He didn't even notice me anymore. At first it didn't bother me. I realized I had opened myself up again and was vulnerable to other people. So I decided to withdraw into my shell." I said with a tight smile.

Zac looked up at me questioningly.

"I like you the way you are. There's no need to hide who you are anymore. I like the real you." Zac said in a smooth stern voice.

It was as if Zac spoke his heart at that moment, because a moment later he realized what he had said and was blushing a deep red. The way he tried to hide his embarrassment is really cute. Even if he said so, he can't be interested in me. I was nothing compared to Zac. It's like he's on another plane of existence; someone I could only dream of being with. I wasn't good enough. I knew that, but at least I could have him as a friend.

"Thanks man, it means a lot to me." I could tell by his smile I was beaming again.

It didn't bother me that Sean all of a sudden bailed out on me. I guess I kind of just threw it all away like it never meant anything to me. It was almost February. The second semester was just beginning I guess. Sean disappeared from my life all though January. He didn't come to class anymore unless it was for a test or to hand in an assignment. He would look at me but avoid eye contact whenever I looked at him. I didn't show it, but I was a bit hurt. Sadly I didn't have any classes with Sean the next semester. Even if I couldn't be with him, I would like to have seen him and made sure he's ok. I did, however, see him everyday during lunch. I could tell that he wasn't eating right. Everyday he seems to get thinner and paler.

It was during the early week of February, I was walking to one of my next classes when I saw him. The hallway was empty; everyone had already gone to class. I was late because a teacher held me back to talk to me about a paper I wrote. I sped up to catch up to him. Before I reached him though, Sean fell. Well he didn't really fall. He kind of stumbled like he was disoriented. I quickly ran to his side.

As I caught him in my arms, he weakly looked up at me and realized it was me. He just smiled, and started to mumble something.

"You know, if my brother or his friends catch us, their going to be royally pissed at me. They might hurt you," he said in a gentle tired voice.

"Well let them come. What happened to you? You seem to be getting weaker. Is there something wrong?" I asked with patience.

He stood up despite my effort to keep him down to rest, and said "Not here. Meet me after school at the park near your place."

With that he walked off. Leaving me wondering what happened to him. The rest of the day I couldn't focus on anything. The whole time I was worried about Sean. I didn't understand it. I wanted to protect Sean, but why? What about him did I want to protect so much? It sucked that his own brother was such an ass. I realized I still wanted him as a friend. A person really can't go on without friends. It's too hard. I was lost in thought and didn't hear the bell ring. The moment everyone stood up, I just ran through the door.

I ran through the path towards my house. I didn't want to miss him, so I decided to get there before him, that way he wouldn't have to wait. It was a real shame he'd gotten there before me. He was against a tree with his back to me.

"Hey," I said breathing heavily, "didn't... you have classes?

"I skipped. I don't care about school anymore," Sean whispered with his head lowered. "I don't care what happens to me anymore. Fucking great life I'm living."

I suddenly found I was breathing normally.

"Hey are you okay?" I asked turning him around.

Sean had been crying. Before I could say anything he just buried his face onto my chest bawling his eyes out and hugging me like a pillow. I didn't know what to do at a time like that, so I wrapped my arms around him. I wanted to make sure he felt safe.

He cried for a while. I just stood there holding him, I knew my shirt was soaked through but I didn't care.

"I feel so safe in your arms."

I stood quietly, not responding.

"I can't live like this. The way I am. My father left us a long time ago. My mom is a drunk. I'm involved in things I don't want to be in," Sean stated angrily.

I tried to calm him but he was livid. "I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be a used anymore. I want my own life. I want to leave here and go away. Far away. What the fuck do I have to live for? Why doesn't someone just kill me?"

I had to stop this. I pushed him away with my hands on his shoulders. I held him securely making sure he got the message, "Don't you ever talk about killing yourself. That's the pathetic way out. You have to..."

"I can't!" he shouted in a yearning voice, "I'm not like you. I'm not strong, I'm not fearless! I have no backbone. You're everything I'm not. I can't do this alone."

"I know. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I really do want to watch over you. I don't want to see you get hurt." I said gently.

"I need you. I feel safe in your arms. Please don't leave me. I need you. I love you. If you're with me then I can do anything, just don't leave me. Never leave me. I need you to love me." Sean sobbed.

I felt the world around me beginning to compress. I didn't know how to react. I'd never had anyone fall for me. I didn't know how to deal with feeling like that. I liked Sean, just not in that way. I would never have guessed that Sean was gay. He didn't seem like it: he was just really quiet and kept to himself.

"Sean I really do care about you. But I don't think I can return those strong feelings you have for me." I could feel him shake in disappointment while I spoke. "Regardless, I'm still going to watch out for you. You don't need to hang out with that gang anymore. I'll watch your back. You don't need to be afraid anymore. I promise this to you."

He looked up at me with a mix of sadness and anger, and said his feeling: "Why not? This isn't fair! Why am I the only on like this? I need you. I need your love. Please give me your love!"

Sean's head buried into my chest again as new waves of emotions engulfed him. I just let him cry. I had crushed his dreams. I've never thought of Sean that way. I only saw him as a friend.

"Sean, I'm sorry. I can love you, but only in a way in which friends care for each other. I have nothing else to offer you but that kind of love. So please, get a hold of yourself. I'll be by your side. I'll help you. Just let me ..."

I couldn't finish my sentence. Sean's mouth was over my own. His eyes were closed with my own wide open. I wanted to push him off, but I knew I couldn't. Not the way he was at the moment. Instead I just stood there, without returning his love.

After a moment, Sean pulled back. His eyes were still closed.

"Sean..." I began.

"I'm sorry Kayden," Sean apologized, "I had to give it a shot. I know. Your lips... they told me... I'm not the one for you. I'm jealous of the girl who gets to taste those lips." Sean smiled and moved his hands away. "Thanks Kayden. Maybe I can go on. If I have someone like you as a friend."

"It's all I ask of you." I smiled to him.

Sean and I talked about everything for the next hour or so. I found out more about him, his jerk-off brother, and his drunken raging mother. For such a small boy, he had to deal with a lot of shit. The gang his brother was around had forced him to smoke cigarettes and weed. He never wanted to, but they threatened him. Blake was more of a bully than a brother. He made Sean cook, clean and do his dirty work. Sean had been involved in selling pot to some kids in our school. After our small talk he agreed not to do it anymore. Sean's mother was another problem. She was usually drunk, morning and night. Sean worked part-time at a grocery store, and his mother used that money to buy booze. I couldn't believe he didn't try to hide his money. In fact, I couldn't believe how he can stand living there.

"Despite what they do to me, they are still my brother and my mother. I can't abandon them. Even if they hate me, I still love them." Words like that out of a boy as pure as Sean.

When I came home that day, Rick was home. I didn't really understand his business. Apparently he bought property and sold it at a higher price. I didn't see how it was possible. I never complain though. It puts food on the table, right?

"Hey sport, how's it hanging?" Rick happily greeted me.

"I... I don't know?" I answered. I meant it, too. Was the day good or bad?

Rick must have sensed my concerns because he told me to walk with him. We went for our walk while I filled him in. He understood my situation and told me not to be too concerned. He assured me Sean would be all right. How could I not trust him?

That was the last day of school for the week. It was Friday, and Rick and I decided to watch a movie. I wanted science fiction, but Rick wanted a mystery movie. We tossed a coin, and he won. For the first half of the movie, I was sulking and annoyed I didn't get to see the movie I wanted to see. However, to my surprise, this movie was far better than expected. I actually enjoyed it. The end captivated me by the twist of the plot and the debatable ending.

"Holy...Shit..." were the only words out of my mouth.

"You have a funny way of showing surprise and enjoyment. I would give that movie 8 out of 10," Rick nodded with his arms crossed.

"Really? I thought it deserved 1 out of 10." I paused and looked up at Rick who gave me a cross look. "Well I meant to say, number 1 out of my 10 top favorite movies. Wow, I want to see more films like that. I guess mystery movies aren't that bad."

Rick chuckled at my little backpedaling, and told me, "You were so against it at the beginning. But people are like that. When exposed to change, some people view it as a threat. Change could be scary at first. But change doesn't necessarily mean it's for the best. It's two sided."

I really understood what he was saying. I could tell he wasn't talking about the movie anymore. I agreed to an extent, but there was something in his tone that sounded harsh and cold. I decided to let it slide.

"Well at the moment, I don't want anything to change. I'm happy as I am. Everything in life is perfect." I stated firmly. I lay back with my arms behind my head looking up at the ceiling.

"Is it? How do you know what perfect is. What if after change has occurred, you discover a new definition of perfection?" he asked, "No son, nothing is ever perfect." He walked over to his glass cabinet. It housed a jewel. It was really gorgeous. Blue like the ocean. In the shape of a teardrop: a Sapphire jewel.

Rick's words were too philosophical, and I couldn't really follow. I understood what he meant. I just couldn't really agree with him.

"Maybe..." I whispered.

Rick was staring mindlessly at the blue jewel. He suddenly walked towards the mini bar he had. He poured himself a glass of whisky. "Would you like something to drink?" He asked me.

"What. Are you trying to get me drunk?" I asked in a playful tone.

"Alcohol may be a depressant, but it's a great ice breaker for conversation," he replied.

"Sure"

I wasn't much of a drinker. I never drank at home. Mom and dad kept the stuff away from me, I was sort of curious about what it was like to be drunk. I experimented with what Rick had. Everything was disappointing. It all tasted like shit. There was one I did like. It was too strong so I added milk. Bailey's and milk, the first drink which I actually liked.

Rick and I drank hard that night. We talked about all sorts of things. Sometimes while I was talking I lost my moment of thought and started talking about other things. Rick just laughed at me.

"I was really happy in those days. But it's like I'm cursed. The moment I find happiness, everything goes wrong. Way wrong." Kayden said quietly.

His eyes stared intently at his hands that were folded before him. His eyes were the same of that night; the pale grey moon. Nothing clouded them. As he looked up to me, I could feel his eyes pierce my soul.

I didn't want to hear anymore. I was content with knowing the Kayden of the here and now. His past was so harsh, so painful. I didn't want to know, but I had to. If I was anything of a friend to Kayden I should listen. If he can find peace in his heart, then I would listen. I actually felt happy that he would share his past with me. I mean, sure we've know each other for like, what, two weeks. Everything about him I love: his cool eyes, his perfect nose, his full lips, and cute ears. I never really fully admired Kayden's form, but his body was, well, perfect. The shirt he had on hid his chest, but anyone could tell it hid a beautiful body. I really liked Kayden, perhaps more than just a friend. I know it's impossible now. For a while I thought he could have been the same as me: attracted to other guys, but after hearing his story, hearing about Sean, I'm probably just a friend. Kayden's straight. If Sean is as cute as Kayden described him, I had no chance with Kayden. It was okay, though, even if it isn't possible. A friend like Kayden is more than I can ask for.

"Don't say that," I heard myself say, "You are who you are. I still like you for who you are. If you think you can scare me away with just a story and a curse, then you have another thing coming. I haven't changed my mind about being your friend. The fact that you're telling me this makes me want to know you more. I know it sounds corny, but you're a good person, man. My offer still stands, I'm solid for you, guy." And I meant it in more ways than one. Damn these thin hospital sheets.

"Thanks, Zac," and they were back, the cool blue eyes that I love. I stared into them as he revealed his past to me.

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Like the seasons, summer must end, and winter must begin. In my life, the summer had ended, and it was a vicious winter.

Every morning, I got up, showered, ate breakfast, and I'm ran out of the house hoping I'm wouldn't late for my period one class. It had been a month since Sean and I had our talk in the park. After that we were sort of always around each other. We met before classes, during lunch and after school. Sometimes he would come home with me, seldom we would go back to his place. His mother was always home. I still don't know what she does for a living. Blake stopped bothering me. Even when he saw me at his home he would stare at me, but wouldn't say anything or do anything. I was glad he still remembered the beating I gave him after seeing what he had done to Sean.

As the school came into view, I got a disgusting sensation in my stomach. I felt sick. The closer I went to school the more I felt sick. I was wondering if I was coming down with something until I walked into the building. The feeling just vanished. I felt fine, but something was up. There was more than the usual student body moving around, everyone was bustling and talking. The moment I walked in, people stopped. Students started to look at me, other looked towards the ground. I walked to where I usually meet Sean. He wasn't there. Sean was never late, and the warning bell was going to ring in the next few minutes. I sat down on the empty bench, as people continued to stare at me as they walked past.

Okay, what the fuck is going on. I thought to myself.

"Kayden?" I turned to see my English teacher. She was looking sort of out of it. I have seen her around, but my class was with her last semester. I didn't respond. She continued, "Kayden, can you please come with me?"

"What's going on," I said in a cracked voice, "I'm suppose to meet Sean here, the bell is about to ring. I- I..." I felt like I already knew. Sean wouldn't be coming. He wouldn't ever be coming. Not anymore. He was dead.

His body was found that morning. When they told me I ran. I ran for 20 minutes towards Sean's house. I never felt tired. I felt angry, and sad. Tears freely dropped from my face as I ran to Sean's house. I could feel myself beginning to shatter again. I was losing control. When I got to Sean's house, Blake was on the front porch bench, 3 officers were around him.

As I approached I could hear the officers, "We want to know what happened. It might take a while for the body to be analyzed. There were broken bones, a fractures skull and bruises around his body. Whoever did this left him to die. We can get the people who did this to your brother if you help us. At least put them in custody until the evidence has been confirmed. If you don't they can easily run, and it will be a lot harder for us to catch them. Did your brother have any enemies? Give me a name, an address, tell us..."

The officer didn't have time to finish.

I broke in between the officers and grabbed Blake by the shirt and threw him against the wall. The officers were a little slow to grab me, and I had Blake pinned.

"Tell me where the fuckers are! Who did it? You tell me you piece of shit. This is your mess! Your brother is dead because of you. You got him involved in something. Tell me!" I yelled in his face as I raised my fist to punch him.

I still heard Sean's voice echoing in my head: I can't do this anymore. "I don't want to be a used anymore. I want my own life. I want to leave here and go away. Far away. What the fuck do I have to live for? Why doesn't someone just kill me?"

There was more to what was happening. Sean was trying to tell me something.

One officer had attempted to free my hold on Blake. I had a solid grip.

"You fucking bas..."

Before I could finish, Blake looked up at me. I have never seen him so destroyed and broken. Tears were streaming down his face, and his breathing was strained. I had lost my anger in him.

The words of Sean repeated in my head: Despite what they do to me, they are still my brother and my mother. I can't abandon them. Even if they hate me, I still love them.

I released my hold on Blake's shirt, and the officer released my arm a moment later. I just stared at Blake who was different than the asshole I knew. His head drew closer to mine, and he whispered into my ear: the name, and an address. I knew the area, so I should be able to find it. It was close to here.

"Now go, before the police get him. Make that fucker pay. Please." He whispered. I was off.

To my surprise, this gang hideout was no more than just a house. Not the best neighborhood, and not the best condition of the house. The front door was open. I walked in and scanned around. Some kid at least 2 years older than me sat on a broken couch.

"Who the fuck are you?" he shouted. I ran at him, my body no longer under my control. My first punch landed, followed by a second, and a third. I kept going. The body under me was writhing in pain, but I didn't stop.

I heard running. Someone was coming down the stairs. I turned just in time to see a man, at least 22 years old. He grabbed me and threw me across the room. He was saying some words, but it didn't register. He was a huge guy, but I didn't care. I fought to get back to my feet, and didn't care about the size difference. I fought with all I had. My punches didn't have the same affect his punches had on me. I couldn't stop though. One punch had me collapsing to the floor. I couldn't get up, but my ears worked perfectly.

"Who the fuck is this kid? The older guy asked. The boy I had attacked was wiping the blood off his mouth. The boy walked over to me and kicked me in the stomach.

"It's a friend of Blake's brother. He's the one who wasted Blake, Joey, and Cory." He said with another kick to my stomach.

The large guy picked me up by the shirt and laughed at me and said, "Oh so you're that little bitch's friend. I remember that kid. Remember him bro? That Sean kid had such a nice ass."

I felt my blood boil. I struggled and tried to break free.

"We had a great time ripping that ass apart. And it was real tight. You should have heard him screaming as I filled him with my cock. He kept screaming out a name... What was it again?" The man asked smiling. I could feel my tears streak down my face.

"I think it was Kayden," the bloody pulp replied, he was sneering at me.

"Oh yeah," The man recalled, "Are you Kayden? Did you steal our bitch from us? He said he wanted out. I was really pissed. I thought I had that bitch whipped for good. But all of a sudden he shows up, all confident and beaming. I thought it would be a good idea to that cocksucker a lesson. He had a great mouth. I'll give you that. He could give head like a pro. What's funny is that he probably enjoyed it, his brother never knew. We all had used that mouth maybe 5 times a day. It was going great until you showed up."

NO! He didn't want that. He wanted to kill himself for that. These bastards just used him.

I gave up struggling and gave him the darkest gaze I could create.

"You put shit in his head. Well now were gonna fuck you up." I could feel the man grabbing my ass. I was furious. Sean, the gentlest loving person I've ever come across, used for this asshole's pleasure.

It was as if it didn't matter that this man had me in his solid grip. With one swift movement of my leg, I nailed the man in the balls. He groaned as he fell to the floor. I grabbed an object near by and smashed it over his head. I jumped on him and grabbed his hair. "You asshole. He's dead." I punched his jaw as hard as I could, "You killed him." I shouted.

I could see his shocked face. I didn't give him a chance to answer. Punch after punch, I put all I was into each hit.

"Give him back you fucking bastard. I hate you! I'll fucking kill you. Give him back!"

I could feel my eyes burn as I watched this asshole go unconscious. He wasn't getting up. I was content in killing the bastard until I felt someone's arm grab mine. I was about to deck them until I realized it was a police officer. I looked around and found three other officers looking at me shocked. The weight of my body suddenly felt heavy.

The officer just held my arm and said, "That's enough son, you're going to kill him." I looked down at the work I had done. Sure enough, the man's face was covered in blood. I still wouldn't let go. I remember 3 officers pulling me off the bloody body that I was over, repeating the same words: "Give him back."

It was over. The big guy was charged with rape and murder. He was going to get at least 25 years. He didn't complain at all either. I suppose he didn't know Sean was left to die that night. I didn't care. I wanted him to be hurt, to feel the pain Sean felt. Feel the torment and embarrassment Sean felt. The boy I had beaten to a pulp and three of his friends were sent to juvenile jail. They were also charged with growing weed in the house. There was almost $100, 000 dollars worth. They were underage so they couldn't get the full penalty. At times I wish Canada had death penalties. I finally learned the names of the two I had almost killed. The big guy was Philip Jacobs, the other kid, was Neil Jacobs. They were brothers.

The funeral for Sean was going to be held in the next four days. The days were the longest days of my life. The police asked me questions, I received hundreds of letters and notes from people from school and mostly anyone who wanted to sympathize with me. Each said how sorry they were, and that I was a really good friend. Bullshit. What a friend I was. I let someone close to me die. I didn't care for anything anymore. Rick was the most help. He let me cry and didn't try to comfort me. He just held me and let me drain myself. His words were soothing to my ear. I had nightmares for the four nights until the day of the funeral.

For the first time I had seen Sean's mother sober. I was however enraged with her ability to fake her feelings. She was sobbing saying she missed her son. What a load of bullshit. Blake was by his mom, and he was different. I could sense that perhaps his brother's death had woken him up.

"He was such a good son, he worked a part-time job to help pay for the rent. I was so proud of him. He loved reading books and was very artistic." She sobbed. I had had enough. English was Sean's most hated subject. He hated reading. And he hated art. No way is the bitch going to take the role of a mourning mother. She didn't deserve it.

"You bitch!" The words were not my own. They were Blake's "Stop crying like you mean it. You were never a mother to him. You just got drunk off your ass and did nothing. Sean and I worked our asses off on top of school just so that we could get by each day. We could have easily abandoned your fat ass,"

Blake choked.

"But Sean wouldn't let me. He said we had to take care of you, you were our fucking mother," he growled.

Everyone was looking at them. Sean's mother was vexed and angry, Blake was holding down his sorrow.

"Sean told me you took his money. Used all he had to buy booze," I added in.

Everyone was looking at me while I said it, "I don't know why he didn't just leave you. You don't deserve a son like him. And he hates reading. You don't know a God-damn thing about him. He cared about you, said that he had to protect you, that you and Blake were the only ones he had left."

Blake let the tears rolled down his cheek.

"You- you used that money to buy booze?" Blake asked torn, his words were barely getting out. "I already gave you money for that shit. You are not my mother. Not anymore." Blake walked, and I followed. Leaving his rotten mother with a disgusted crowd.

We were by a tree. If someone told me the day I met Blake that I would be here for him as a friend, I would have laughed my ass off.

"I gotta thank you, and apologize at the same time." Blake began, "Sean was really feeling down a while back. When he started seeing you again I was at first pissed. But I realized that he was more happy with himself, and more alive when you were friends with him. So I just let you guys be."

Blake kicked at an imaginary pebble on the ground.

"If I was aware of what was going on behind my back, I would have stopped it. I could have saved him." Blake began to cry, "I couldn't save my brother. I lost the only support in my life. I was too blind. I was too involved in work, school, and my friends to even wonder what Sean was going through. But this is too fucking much. It's unfair. I want to apologize to him. He shouldn't have died, I should have."

"Don't take all the blame," I choked, "I was supposed to be his friend. I was supposed to watch out for him. I promised him. And I failed him."

I felt a hand firmly lay on my shoulder. "I guess we can share the blame." He decided.

"Yeah"

We stood around a large tree watching the sun set. There was still something that bothered me.

"You weren't the one who hurt Sean, were you?" I asked recalling the day I tore up Blake and his two friends.

Blake just smiled grimly and said, "No, it wasn't me. You wouldn't even hear me out, you just snapped. I guess I can't blame you. I wasn't the only one giving him hell, he had some trouble at school, and you probably didn't see it because after you started to hang around him, it all stopped."

It all made sense. Blake never struck me as the badass brother. He really did watch out for Sean. I guess that day I saw them, Blake was just in a bad mood.

"Well, I guess I should apologize. I'm sorry about that, man. I snapped before I could even grasp the situation. "

"You're forgiven, if you forgive me for giving you such a hard time." He replied.

"It's a deal."

Blake looked up at the sky while he spoke, "We really could have made it. With me paying for the rent plus the money I got for doing the illegal shit, Sean and I could have made it. Sean had the potential to go on. That money he worked for was supposed to be going towards his college funds. That bitch used him."

"As much as we both hate your mom, Sean still loved her," I told him.

"How could he? She used him, what kind of mother does that?" He asked angrily.

"Despite what they do to me, they are still my brother and my mother. I can't abandon them. Even if they hate me, I still love them." I said quietly.

"What?"

I turned to look at Blake and said, "Sean's words. He really loved you and your mom."

"I never said I hated him," Blake whispered, his expression revealing his devastation.

"Did you ever tell him you loved him?" I questioned.

He didn't answer. He was suffering under the truth.

"I think he would be happy if you didn't abandon your mother, give her another chance."

Blake just stared at the sky. I too looked up. The sun was going down, and the clouds looked free.

"I feel like he's looking down at me. Telling me to go on. I can feel him. He's going to watch over me, isn't he?" Blake's words were genuine.

"Yeah"

Blake smiled and shouted out to the sky, "I miss you bro. Watch over me okay?"

Tears freely streamed down his face as he whispered, "I'll make it, with you watching. I'll make our dream come true. We made a promise remember? I'll be sure to keep it."

************************************************************************

"Blake changed. He became a new person. He left the illegal shit and dumped his so called friends. He even forgave his mother. But things don't work out perfectly. His mother went back to booze. But Blake didn't give her any more money. She had to work for her stuff. Blake and I became close after his brother's death. Like he said, he was going to make it." Kade finished. His eyes were soaked from the tears that he shed while he told me about Sean. I too was crying. It's not everyday you find out how scary life is. For Kayden, his life so far had been a nightmare. I felt sorry for Sean, I felt sorry for Kayden. We are only in grade 10. Life isn't supposed to be like that for kids like us.

"I thought I was getting my life together. But then Rick died." Kayden said, frowning at his hands.

I felt my heart groan as I let out a shudder. So much death surrounded Kayden. For such a young boy, he had a lot to carry with him. I couldn't believe he had burdened his heart with so much.

"What happened?"

"I guess I couldn't really complain. Rick was old. He still should have lived for another 10 or 20 years. That was before I talked with the doctor," he told me. "Rick had a heart condition. It had been due to his depression and lack of care for himself. Rick's time was due sometime last year. Apparently he was able to fight off death for another year." Kayden looked like he was fighting off a smile, but he lost. "The doctor said I was to thank for that."

I could no longer talk; just listen.

"I received a letter from a lawyer a couple of days after. It was Rick's will. He told me his time was short, and why he didn't tell me of his condition. He had stocks and portfolios and things I never even heard of. He told me to come up here. He had bought a house for me to live in, to start a new life. He said it was all part of a plan. I really didn't care about the money. I would have gladly changed it to have Rick back. But I knew I had to leave. Too much in Toronto gave me bad memories. I thought I came to love the city, I did, but it also reminded me of those people I lost. So I moved up here."

Kayden was silent for a moment.

"I guess I should finally wrap this up. Those guys who attacked you were friends of Neil Jacobs, the one in juvenile jail. Although their puny gang was all broken up, he still had a number of friends who are just waiting for him to get out. Philip won't be getting out soon. And from what Blake told me, he's a destroyed man. He won't talk to anyone. The fact that he killed someone must have really messed up him mind. Even if does get out, I doubt he will be a threat. The one I'm more concerned about it Neil. Since he went to juvenile jail, I've received 3 threats in my old mailbox back in Toronto. I was going to confront them the other day. I don't know what I was going to do. Perhaps bribe them? I just wanted to get away from everything. But I saw you, and your cool friends. We we're on the same train. You just didn't see me I guess."

From the moment I stepped onto that train, I had wished I invited Kayden. I wanted him to be part of our group to be one of my buddies.

"I wanted to just see where you were going, so I followed you around a bit. If I knew any better I wouldn't have followed you. I was being followed, too. I didn't know, and put you guys in danger."

It sort of made sense. But the fact that Kayden wanted to settle a score with them frightened me.

"How did you find me after the game?" I asked.

"I have my skills," he said smiling, "It's not like I put a bug on you or anything. I just, you know, knew where you were. I guess I felt like I wanted to get closer to you. I don't know why I did it."

I shook my head and said, "It doesn't matter, bud. It's all cool. Were you going to fight them?"

"No, actually I was just going to make sure they wouldn't bother me. I overestimated their little gang.

Oh my God. I thought to myself. Kayden must have read my face because he just smiled.

"It's only Neil we have to worry about. The people who attacked you won't bother you anymore, or me. I kinda cut a deal with them. They want out of Neil's little gang. When Neil gets out, he's gonna be alone. Those guys don't want to be involved anymore. And with what I did to them, they don't wanna mess with me anymore. They'll split up and walk away from this life, and I don't bring the cops to them. They end that lifestyle and go clean. I had each one of them agree to it. Toronto is a safe place again, to your friends, to you, and to me... if we don't count Neil getting out. If they come near you, I'll have the police on their ass. I have enough evidence to get them lots of jail time."

I had to think about it for a moment. Kayden really had this figured out. "You're a sly bastard you know that? Is that why I can't say anything?" I said in a playful tone.

"Yeah, I gotta honor my part of the deal. I think I evened out the injuries. They hurt you guys, I hurt them. They got the message." Kayden said smiling.

"You scared the shit out of me. I had the impression that they were still after us. But I guess don't need to worry anymore right?" I asked

"Only Neil. But his sentence has been extended. He was fighting during his sentence. But a weakling like that is nothing without anyone supporting him."

I felt myself smiling as I said, "You're a bastard you know that?"

"Well yeah. I guess I deserve that, I think I made you wet the bed when I told you they escaped, didn't I?" He mocked.

"Asshole, you almost made me shit myself." It was true. I was about to freak out.

"Oh really lets check out how bad the damage is then shall we?" He joked gabbing my sheets.

Oh shit, if he sees my condition, I thought to myself as my cheeks flared up.

Before I could react he ripped the sheets from my body. I tried to cover myself as best I can, damn these gowns can be revealing. Still I could feel him staring at me. I felt myself begin to blush.

"Damn, not too bad," he said with a grin. It was a hot grin. It was like he was playing with me. Why did he have to smile like that? It was just... too hot.

"Shut up you asshole," I swore, still red. "Give them back to me you pervert."

"I don't know, I kinda like you like this" he joked.

I was burning, and my face was on fire. I was almost tempted to dump the glass of water beside me over my face.

"You are a pervert, you know? I should watch myself around you, you might take advantage of my weakened state." I said laughing.

"Oh yeah like how?" he asked, his grin still present.

I don't know what I was thinking. My mouth was just shooting off when I said, "I don't know. Try to kiss me in my sleep or something. I..."

I immediately grabbed my mouth, shocked at what I said.

I wasn't the only one. Kayden's mouth was hanging open. I could see his cheeks beginning to go red.

"You were awake?" He almost shouted.

"You mean, you really did kiss me?" I said equally surprised.

We just stared at each other. I felt my cheeks burning again, and Kade was beginning to show it too. This was so unreal. I knew I was smiling. Kayden was. I wanted to say something but I didn't know what. There was total silence except the loud man in the corner. Surprisingly enough he slept through Kayden's entire story and our shouts.

"Am I interrupting something?" said a voice. Kayden and I turned towards the doorway to see my dad. It took a second for Kayden to realize he was my dad. He quickly threw the sheets at me, and pretended to be the most obedient kid in the world.

"Sorry about that Mr. Pierce, Zac and I were just fooling around," he said in a polite beautiful voice.

"I could see that," dad replied turning to me while I tried to cover up. "I take it you are Kayden, right? Thanks for watching out for my boy."

Dad held out his hand.

"It wasn't a problem, the pleasure was all mine" he replied taking dad's hand. Kayden turned to me and smiled, "I gotta go Zac, I'll see ya later ok?"

"Y-yeah, I'll see you later. Call me ok?" I smiled.

"You bet!" He grinned, and ran through the door. I still watched the door even when Kayden was gone. I just smiled. Perhaps, maybe, he was like me.

"So... I take it that was the boy huh? Not bad looking. I think he's kind cute. But you really like that boyish grin of his? He's like an eight year old." Dad said playfully poking fun at me.

"Shut up!" I said blushing.

"Call me?" Dad mocked, "That's the best my boy can do? I thought you were going to grow up to be a heartbreaker, not some timid boy."

"Leave me alone" I shyly yelled, coving my head with the bed sheet.

"Well, let's get you home. Let's go grab some food first. I'm starving."

"Yeah me too."

This day had been crazy. I laughed, I cried, I was frightened, and I fell in love. I wondered what the future held for me.

END OF CHAPTER 5

Wow, finally, the Kayden flash-back saga is over^^ Tell me how you thought of it^^ Too confusing? Too brutal? Too predictable?? It was a long chapter, so that makes up for this late installment^^ Give me E-mail^^ Let me know there are readers out there. I love getting e-mail. If you have any questions, comments or concerns please forward them to me at Ryan_Kayden@yahoo.ca.

Copyright © 2003 Ryan Keith