Just Together

Disclaimer: This story is fiction. It makes no claims to the true personality and sexuality of anyone involved. You already know if you shouldn't be reading this.

------------------ Just Together by jm_stories@yahoo.com ------------------

Chapter IX Original post 24 Dec 2000 Revised 7 Feb 2002

"We still have to do the press conference, Justin," Lance yelled out as he stomped back into the room.

"No luck, huh?" Danny said.

"Nope. I will never do this kinda shit with my artists."

"Relax, Scoop. It's just a press conference. We've done tons of 'em and you've already come out. No big deal," Justin said as he walked back into the room.

"That's not what I'm concerned about. There was just a hurricane here. Remember? Don't you think it will come across as incredibly self-involved if we have a press conference amongst the destruction and only say that 'yes, Lance likes dick?'"

"Just who is this Dick guy?" Danny said with mock jealously.

Lance slapped him lightly on the back of the head and shot him a quick grin.

"So we'll just talk about the hurricane instead. No big deal," Justin said and started putting his shoes on.

"Okay. What will we say?"

"You'll figure something out. You've been pretty eloquent recently."

"God, sometimes I hate being the responsible one," Lance sighed. "You're not going to push this all off on me. We'll ALL decide once we get to the hotel."

"You're the reason we're having it," Justin smirked. "They send a limo?"

"No. We have to take the train in. They don't have the roads cleared of debris yet."

"Okay. I'm ready."

"You gonna be okay on the train alone? Want us to come with you?" Danny asked.

"Um, I don't know. I think we should be okay," Lance said.

"What about when we get close to the hotel?" Justin said.

Lance stopped and thought for a minute. "Nevermind. We aren't going. We'll just phone our part in -- say we couldn't make it into town and all that. It should be a good way to shift focus to the destruction as well," he said and then pulled out his phone and called someone. As he was talking he went back into his and Danny's bedroom, waved Justin in and closed the door.

"Is he going to tell them you're his boyfriend?" Jonny asked Danny.

"No," Danny stated a bit forcibly.

"Why not? Don't you want people to know you're dating Lance Bass? I'd want people to know," Jonny continued.

"Would you? And have people not only hate you for being gay, but for also taking their idol away from them? No, I'm quite happy for the public not to know."

"You really think people would hate you for that? I'd think you'd get a lot more gay fans."

"I don't want fans."

"Why not?"

"Because I want my privacy. I want my life to belong to me."

"Then why'd you do 'Real World?'"

"I didn't realize how valuable privacy was at the time. Now I do."

"I think it'd be cool to do 'Real World' -- as long as I didn't get psycho roommates."

Danny started laughing. "It's the luck of the draw, kid. You don't have a choice about that. They only let psychos and freaks on the show anyway."

"That means you are too," Jonny smiled.

"It's something I've learned to live with," Danny smiled back.

"I'm gonna get something to eat," Michael said and walked to the kitchen.

We all followed him and made lunch. Lance and Justin joined us as we were finishing.

"Save us any?" Justin asked as he walked in.

Charlie pointed to the sandwiches and soup on the counter.

"Thanks," Justin said and put the bowls in the microwave.

Lance sighed and dropped down in the chair next to Danny.

"How'd it go?" Danny asked and gave Lance's hand a squeeze.

"As good as can be expected. You would think that people would be over asking incredibly stupid questions, like, 'how long have you been gay?'" Lance mocked.

"That's important journalism going on, Lance -- hard hitting questions that the public needs to know," I joked.

"Yea, I know. Just like boxers or briefs," he shot back.

"I think it's cool that you came out," Jonny said.

"Thanks, kid," Lance said and mussed Jonny's hair. Jonny blushed and kinda pulled away.

"So what did you say?" Michael asked.

"I just said that they did hear me correctly yesterday, and I hoped our fans were as happy for me as my friends are. The guys backed me up, and then we turned the attention to the victims of the hurricane," Lance explained.

"You go, girl," Justin laughed as he set a bowl of soup in front of Lance.

"Don't make me bend you over my knee, young man," Lance threatened.

"Isn't that Danny's spot?" Justin shot back.

"That's your love life, not ours," Danny countered.

Justin looked at Jonny, and then back at Lance and Danny. "If there weren't virgin ears in the room..."

"Couldn't think of anything, huh?" Michael laughed.

"No. I mean, yes, I thought of something. I'm just polite enough not to be crude in front of the kid."

"I'm not a kid. I'm 15," Jonny protested.

"Which is still a kid. Enjoy it while it lasts," Danny said.

Jonny rolled his eyes, but didn't come back with anything.

"So what actually prompted the surprise exit?" I asked.

"Surprise exit?" Lance asked.

"From the closet," I explained.

"Oh. Mom's phone call right before we went on. I guess I was really upset and not thinking clearly."

"It should be better now, though. After the initial shock wears off, you'll be able to go out together without having to be so careful," I said.

"Yea, but we're gonna wait a bit before anyone finds out about Danny. That way any anger won't be directed towards him."

"Doesn't half of MTV already have a pretty good idea it's Danny? I mean, you have been there every night to pick him up after work, and even got him a week off work to take him to Iceland," Michael said.

Danny and Lance looked at each other. "I guess they do," Danny said.

"No one's said anything, though," Lance added.

"Speaking of work, I need to get my ass going," Danny said went off to the bathroom.

"What about rehearsal today, Scoop?" Justin asked.

"Cancelled."

"Oh, man. We're gonna die tomorrow," Justin sighed.

"Yep."

"From missing two days of rehearsal?" I asked.

Lance and Justin both nodded.

"You didn't have anything to do with missing the second day," Charlie said.

"Doesn't matter. A day missed is a day missed," Lance stated.

"So then, what do you want to do on your last day alive?" Charlie said directly to Justin with a slight smile on his face.

"We're not going anywhere. If we could be out and around safely, we'd have rehearsal, so we stay in," Lance answered.

"Thank you, Justin," Charlie sarcastically said to Lance.

"Do you think we'll have a performance tonight?" Michael asked me.

"I don't know. I'll have to call Alex," I said and grabbed the phone. I called Alex on his mobile and asked him if there was a performance tonight. He said there was unless one of the leads died or was in the hospital. I relayed the message.

"Too late for that now. I guess I'll have a run. You up for it J?" Charlie said.

"I guess," Justin answered.

"Is it okay if I go too?" Jonny asked.

"Sure, kid. Five minutes," Charlie said and went to change.

"You wanna take a walk around? See the damage?" Michael asked me.

"Yea. I want to make sure my car is okay while we're out. Lance?"

"Huh?"

"Walking with us or running with the other guys?"

"Neither. I'm just gonna read or something."

"Okay. We'll be back in an hour or so," Michael said and pulled me up.

Michael and I got dressed and headed out. We started out by walking the couple blocks towards my car.

"Lance seems to be handling this pretty well," I said.

"Yea. I think he's kinda glad it happened. You know, that whole free feeling when you don't have to hide anymore."

"Yep. I know exactly. I also wish it wasn't necessary."

"That he shouldn't have to worry about coming out?"

"Kinda. That anyone should have to even be in the closet to begin with. I just don't understand why people are so concerned about what gender you are sleeping with. I mean, I can understand being interested in who's dating who, and knowing what a person's preference is so you know if there is a chance or not. I just don't understand why sexual preference should even be an issue. There have always been gays and there always will be. Get the fuck over it."

"Amen," Michael smirked.

"You know what I'm sayin'?"

"I know exactly what you're sayin'. It's not gonna change, though. Thousands of years of prejudice and religion aren't just going to disappear."

"Have you been reading Neitzche again?" I teased.

"Nope. I haven't read any Neitzche. Is that something he would have said?"

"Yea. He was not a fan of religion or traditions. I've got 'Thus Spake Zarathustra' and some other essays of his at home. You should read some of them."

"Any good?"

"He's a bit dogmatic and has some huge chips on his shoulders, but it's really interesting. Lots of good philosophical quotes to throw around."

"Okay. I know you have at least one memorized. Let's hear it," Michael smirked.

"Give me a sec... Okay. 'He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.' How's that?"

"Deep. Remind me about it after classes are over. I'm obviously not going to have time until then."

"Probably not. Fuck," I said as we turned the corner and I saw the large tree branch on my crushed car roof.

"Cool. Looks just like a hot dog in a bun," Michael smirked.

"Dork. I guess I'm going to be getting a new car."

"Insurance will cover it, right?"

"Some of it. It's a nine year old car, so I'm not going to get much for it. I think it's totaled, though. You?"

"Yea. It would probably cost more to fix it than it's worth."

I reached in through the broken passenger side window and got all the paperwork from the glove compartment. The inside had about a foot of water in it. Good thing I never left anything in it in case it was stolen.

"Good bye. You've been a good car," I said and patted the roof before we continued our walk.

"So what kind of car are you going to get?"

"I don't know. It'll depend on what I get from insurance for this one. Probably another Golf, though."

"I think you should get a big old 1970's Cady convertible. It'd be cool."

"Let me think about it. No."

"And it should look like a pimp-mobile," Michael continued.

"No."

"With fuzzy dice and a garter hanging from the mirror."

"No."

"And, of course, it would have to have fake sheep skin seat covers, and big bass speakers in the trunk that rattle windows when you drive by."

"Now it reveals itself," I laughed.

"What?"

"The Jersey side of you."

"Just be happy I don't listen to 'The Boss.'"

"Tony Danza?" I smirked.

"Sacrilege," Michael laughed.

"Oh well."

"Just so you know: If you actually bought a pimp-mobile I'd seriously consider having you committed."

"I'd commit myself."

We walked around another twenty minutes or so looking at the destruction. It really wasn't all that bad and I'm sure that next week you'd hardly be able to tell there had been a storm -- except for the few buildings that the tornado got and the damaged trees.

When we got home, Lance was sitting in front of the TV watching "Battlestar Galactica." He didn't acknowledge us when we walked in.

"Hey, man. Caught up in the... What's wrong?" I said as I walked around and saw his face. His eyes were red and tears were streaming down his face.

He just closed his eyes and shook his head.

I sat down next to him and put my hand on his shoulder. He looked at me, then Michael, and then hugged me and cried on my shoulder. Michael sat down and hugged Lance from the other side. We just held him as he cried.

A few minutes later, Charlie, Justin and Jonny came bursting through the door laughing. They froze when they saw us holding Lance.

"What's wrong, Scoop?" Justin asked and ran over to us.

Lance let go of me and stood up to hold Justin -- still not saying anything. Justin held him and shot Michael and me a questioning look. Charlie came over and completed the Lance sandwich just before Michael and I added ourselves to it. It was a big group hug for a few minutes, and then Lance started chuckling.

"I'm such a baby," Lance said through his tears and tried to separate himself from the sandwich.

"So what happened? Did your mom call again?" Justin asked.

"Yea. First she yelled at me for coming out to the world, and then for embarrassing her and Dad on national TV."

"They were watching?" Justin asked.

"No. It's all over town, though. They found out when their preacher called to offer condolences and assure them they were doing the right thing."

"So they didn't even hear what you actually said?"

"Does it matter?"

"I think it does," I said.

"So do I. If they can't get over their selfishness after hearing that..." Michael said.

"You don't understand the South or the Southern Baptist Church. They don't get over anything. They're still pissed off that they lost the Civil War."

"You still have us," Jonny said softly from where he was standing across the room.

"You're right. I do, and I'm very thankful for that. Come here, kid," Lance said and gave Jonny a hug.

"Have you talked with Stace yet?" Justin asked.

"No."

"Maybe she can get them to watch what you actually said."

"Unlikely. She wasn't very welcome the last time she tried to talk about me. Now they'd probably kick her out. I'll be okay. Really. I just need some time."

"At least you don't have a big brother who is always trying to make you straight and a dad who kicks your ass because he can't deal," Jonny said.

"How does Tommy try to make you straight?" Justin asked.

"Oh yea, your mom called to see if you were okay," Lance said to Jonny.

"Did she say to call her back?"

"Yea. Tonight after dinner."

"So what does Tommy do to try to make you straight?" Justin asked again.

"He buys me Playboys and makes me watch straight pornos. He even got me in a strip club. It was icky."

"Didn't do a thing for you, huh?" Michael laughed.

"Made me sick. Strip clubs are so gross. There was this woman with big tits and lots of makeup dancing on the bar with all these gross old men drooling over her. She wasn't even good looking."

"What about the pornos?"

"Gross, too. Ugly men doing it with ugly women and making all these fake moans."

"You just need a better quality porno," Justin said.

"No way. If I wasn't sure before, I knew for sure I was gay after seeing those."

"You're lucky, you know," Lance said.

"Why's that?" Jonny asked.

"Because you know and can admit it without shame and you're only 15."

"Why is that being lucky?"

"Because you're more comfortable with it. It's got to be easier when you're younger. I'm working on it, but I still feel a bit weird saying I'm gay," Lance said.

"Maybe, but you're out on your own, so you don't have to worry about your parents kicking you out or hitting you."

"So it's a trade off."

"I guess."

The phone rang and I grabbed it.

"Yes, we survived," I said as I answered.

"Damn! I was hoping," Michelle laughed.

"Hey girl. What's up?" I said and whispered to Michael who it was.

"Just classes. I'm going to come see the show. When's a good time?"

"While it's still running."

"Ha. Ha," Michelle deadpanned. "Seriously. Shooting starts in three weeks, so it'll have to be before that. I know you've got a house full of people."

"Yea, we do, but we can squeeze two more in if we need to."

"It'll just be me."

"What happened to Devon?"

"I dumped him. He's too into his music to pay any attention to anything or anyone else."

"Well, 'NSYNC is in town. I'm sure Josh would be up for seeing you again."

"I don't need to be fixed up, thank you. Oh, I heard Lance came out."

"Who hasn't. Did you see it?"

"Nope, just heard about it."

"Anyway, whenever you want to come is fine. You may have to sleep on the floor, but no one here will molest you."

"I know. Gay men are so safe," Michelle laughed.

"You should know, you fag hag," I shot back.

"I do seem to draw them like flies. Anyway, how about next weekend?"

"Yea, that's fine. Just let us know. You driving or flying?"

"I don't know yet. Depends on how cheap a flight I can get or if I can get someone to drive with me."

"Someone? Anyone in particular?" I hinted.

"Nothing like that, you freak. Kerr is staying at my place. I may try to rope him into driving."

"Okay. I like Kerr. He can come."

"Like you have a choice."

"I do about who's staying here."

"TouchŽ."

"Oui."

"Okay. I've gotta go. Tell everyone I said hi. I'll email you when I know for sure."

"Alright. Later."

"See ya," Michelle said and hung up.

"When's she coming to see the show?" Michael asked.

"Probably next weekend. She doesn't know for sure yet."

"She's bring Kerr?"

"He's staying with her. She said she might try to rope him into driving."

"You still keep in touch?" Justin asked.

"Yea. She was pissed off at me a while for dropping out of DC, but we're still friends," Michael answered.

"That's cool that you're still friends."

"Well, as Michelle once put it: 'Good friends you can trust are hard to find, especially in this business. Don't fuck up the ones you do find because of a misunderstanding,'" I said.

"She use that on you, too?" Michael asked.

"Yep. When we were fighting around Thanksgiving last year."

"Me too. Same show, different audience."

"We need to get going soon, Michael," Charlie said.

"Okay. I hope you're gonna take a shower before the show," Michael teased.

"Do I need one?" Charlie smirked.

"Yes," we all said together.

"You two need one as well," Lance said to Justin and Jonny.

"I'll just take mine at the theater. Give me a minute to get changed and we'll go," Charlie said and went to his room. Justin went to take a shower.

"That's my cue. Picking me up tonight?" Michael said to me.

"Don't I almost always?"

"Almost."

"I'll be there."

"Thanks. Love you," Michael said and gave me a quick kiss before grabbing his bag.

"Love you. Have a good show."

Charlie came out of his room a minute later and they were out the door.

"What are we going to do tonight?" Jonny asked.

"What do you want to do?" I replied.

"I don't know. Can I use your computer so I can email my friends? I know not to tell them who's staying here."

"You can use Michael's iBook. Give me a minute and I'll create an account on it for you," I said and went to get Michael's iBook. I created an account and handed it to Jonny.

"Cool. This has OS X on it. I've only got an iMac at home and I'm still on 9."

"We're on wireless here, so you should just be able to open OmniWeb and go."

"Okay," Jonny said and went to the kitchen table to play.

"I think I'm just going to veg the rest of the night," Lance said.

"Sounds like a plan," I said and reached for the phone as it rang. "Yes, we survived."

"Is Mike there?" The guy asked.

"Sorry. He just left for the theater. Do you want to leave a message?"

"Is Jonah there, then?"

"This is. Who is this?"

"Rob, Mike's brother. Do you know if he's talked to Mom or Dad since the storm?"

I'd heard Rob mentioned before, but had never talked to him. He was in the Air Force and stationed in Turkey, so he didn't get back very often. He was strictly military, according to Michael.

"We tried to call them a few hours ago. The lines were down."

"That's what I got, too. How bad is the damage there? The reports I've gotten aren't very detailed."

"It could have been worse. The hurricane didn't do as much as the tornadoes it caused. When I watched the news earlier they didn't mention anything about West Orange."

"They're probably okay. If you get through to them, let them know I'm back from maneuvers and they can call me."

"Will do. How long have you been on maneuvers?"

"Eighteen days."

"And you haven't heard from anyone since before that?"

"No. Is there something I need to know?"

"I probably shouldn't be the one telling you this, but your dad had a heart attack about two weeks ago."

"He what?!"

"He's okay. The doctor said it was a mild one. He gets tired easily now, but he's getting better."

I listened to a list of expletives before Rob got back on the phone.

"Michael's reaction was the same," I said.

"They didn't tell him either?"

"Your mom called and left a message on our machine the next day. We were camping, but he had his mobile with him. It happened on a Friday night and we didn't find out about it until Sunday afternoon. There isn't a message on your machine?"

"I don't have a machine. I just have a note that says she called and to call her when I get the chance. I swear, that woman will be dead for six months before anyone knows just because she didn't want to concern them," Rob ranted.

"Probably. Michael chastised her as well."

"So how are they? Have you seen them recently?"

"They're doing okay. We were over there for Fourth of July. Like I said, your dad gets tired pretty quickly now, and is hating his new diet, but seemed better than he did in the hospital."

"That's good. I'll be home for Christmas this year. Are you going to be there?"

"For Christmas Eve, probably. We haven't made any decisions yet."

"Be there. I want to meet my baby brother's boyfriend." He stumbled over the word "boyfriend." "So tell me about yourself, Jonah. You're the first guy Mike's brought home, so I know it must be serious."

"As far as I'm concerned it is."

We talked another half-hour or so. I was being interrogated, but in a friendly way. It wasn't that bad, but I was glad when it was over and I hung up.

"Who was that?" Lance asked.

"Michael's big brother."

"First time you've talked with him?"

"Nope. The first time I've been interrogated. Maybe we'll talk the next time," I smiled.

"Is he in the military? I don't think I've ever heard Michael mention him."

"Yea. He's in the Air Force and stationed in Turkey. Michael says they don't really get along that well because Rob is all Air Force and keeps prodding Michael to join up. 'Make a man outta ya.'"

"If that were true there wouldn't be any problem with gays in the military."

"Hey, who am I to try to make sense of military logic? My Uncle James is a career Marine, so I'm familiar with the problem Michael has with him."

"He okay with you being gay?"

"Mostly. It would help me, though, if I joined the Marines," I said and rolled my eyes. "I should stay away from the Navy, though, 'cause they don't call them seamen for nothing, and the Army is for losers who couldn't make it anywhere else."

Lance laughed. "What does he have to say about the Air Force?"

"Pansy hot shot Marine rejects," I mocked.

"You should lock him in a room with Michael's brother."

"That could be fun, as long as I don't have to listen to it," I said and flopped back on the sofa.

"So what are we doing tonight?" Justin asked as he came in from his bedroom and dropped down on the sofa between me and Lance.

"I think we're doing it," I said.

"Sounds good to me," Lance said.

"Doing what? Sitting and watching TV?" Justin questioned.

Lance and I nodded.

"You guys are boring."

"Go see if Jonny wants to do anything," I suggested.

"Yea, go play with the other kid," Lance smirked.

Justin slugged him on the leg and then stood up and went to the kitchen to find Jonny.

The phone rang again. "I don't think the phone's ever rang this much," I said as I reached for it and answered with the standard, "Yes, we survived."

"Is Justin there?" The woman asked.

"May I asked who this is?"

"This is his mother."

"Okay. Just a sec," I said, put my hand over the phone and called for Justin.

"What?" He asked as he came into the room.

"It's your mom."

"Okay. Thanks," he said and took the phone from me. "Hi Mom." He went to his room for rest of the conversation.

"I wonder why she didn't call him on his mobile?" I said.

"She probably tried. Justin's really bad about keeping it charged. Did you check on your car when you were out?" Lance asked.

"Yea. It's totaled. Tree."

"That sucks."

"Yep."

"You've got insurance, right?"

"Of course. I'll try calling them tomorrow."

"Well, I'm gonna make dinner," Lance said and went to the kitchen.

Jonny was thrown out a minute later. I looked up at him.

"Lance says I have to go take my shower now," he grumbled.

"I thought you'd already taken it."

"Not yet. I was in this 'NSYNC chat room and everyone was talking about Lance."

"What were they saying?"

"Some were like, 'I'm never buying their records again,' and then someone else would say, 'I knew he was the gay one,' and then someone would say, like, 'he must have a really hot boyfriend to come out for him,' and then..."

"I got the idea," I said laughing.

"It was really cool. Some girl said she was so upset 'cause Lance was her favorite and even looked at her at a show and now she'll never have the chance to marry him. I told her she never had a chance of being with him, even if he wasn't gay. She got really mad and called me a fag and I told her she was right and..."

"Take a breath."

"This is just so cool. It's like history in the making or something."

"I hardly think my coming out is history," Lance said from the doorway, "but I appreciate you sticking up for me."

"No prob."

"Go take your shower before dinner," I said.

"Fine," Jonny sighed and went to the bathroom.

"Now I know what I'm doing tonight," Lance said.

"What's that?"

"Chat rooms," Lance smiled.

"Lurking or participating?"

"Mostly lurking. It'll depend. I want to see how much damage control we'll have to deal with. I know the label has someone already lurking there to gauge our popularity, etc."

"Of course if you have Jonny there being your cheerleader, it'll look better."

"Maybe. I got a wireless card for my laptop when Danny and I were out the other day. Could you help me get it working with your network?"

"Yea, sure. Get it for me and I'll do it while you're making dinner."

Lance grabbed his laptop and the box with the wireless card and set them on the table while I grabbed my PowerBook. I added the MAC address of his card to the base station access allowed list and read over the instructions as I booted his laptop.

"Hey Lance. You need to enter your Administrator password," I called out once it had booted.

He walked back in, typed it, and sat to watch me work. Basically, I followed the directions. Being Windows, it didn't work, of course.

"You need a PowerBook, Lance," I grumbled and went to check the web site of the card maker.

"Everyone else uses Windows," Lance said.

"That's no reason to use an inferior product. Office exists for both platforms so there's no excuse."

"You're just a Mac bigot," Lance smirked.

"You're right. I like things to work mostly as advertised."

"Yea, like Macs don't crash all the time and don't have any software."

"OS 9 crashed about as often as Windows 98. OS X hardly ever crashes. I haven't had it crash on me once. And as for applications," I said and looked under his Start menu, "you have nothing that doesn't exist for the Mac in some form."

"Are you an Apple salesman or something?"

"No, dork. I'm frustrated trying to make this plug-n-play card work with a plug-n-pray system. I know it's the system 'cause I just plugged the card into mine and it worked right away without having to install anything."

"But you already have a working card in yours, so the software is already there."

"It's a completely different card, though. Your system is supposed to have the driver there as well. I followed the instructions and watched it install."

"Well what do you expect? It's a Windows machine," Lance smirked and walked back to the kitchen.

I went through the support section and found what I was looking for. Of course. How obvious that I should have to delete it after I install it and reinstall it from the CD again, telling it specifically not to use the driver it wanted to use, for it to work. Piece of shit. I finally got it working.

"Dinner's ready. You get it working?"

"Yea. The trick is to install, delete and reinstall."

"I could have told you that. Justin still on the phone?"

"He hasn't come out yet."

"Like that's ever gonna happen," Lance smirked and knocked on Justin's door before poking his head in and telling him dinner was ready.

Jonny came out of the bathroom with a towel around him and went to dig through his suitcase.

Lance and I sat down at the table, and were soon joined by Justin and Jonny.

"How's your mom?" Lance asked.

"Recovering," Justin smiled.

"From what?"

"We talked about you. She then started the interrogation to try to find out if I was your boyfriend, since I've been staying here. I told her I was gay," Justin laughed.

"You what?" Lance and I said together.

"I thought so," Jonny said.

"I'm not actually gay, Jonny. I just told her that to see what her reaction would be. She seemed kinda concerned about it, and you know that thing that only moms can do that makes you feel like you're five years old, so I just decided to tell her I was gay and see how she reacted."

"That's totally not cool," Lance said.

"I told her I wasn't afterwards and explained that it shouldn't matter. I also told her about Danny so she'd stop guessing."

"You're not gay? But last night you were sleeping cuddled up to Charlie, and you two look at each other like you're trying to say something without saying it."

"I'm just cool with it. I'm not gay and Charlie's not gay. We're just good friends and have done a lot together so we have some inside jokes," Justin explained.

Lance looked at me and make a gesture with his tongue in his cheeks like a bad blow job. I started laughing and choked on my pasta. Jonny was sitting next to Lance so he couldn't see it. Justin gave Lance an evil look, but tried to ignore him.

"Then are you guys bi?" Jonny said after some thought.

Lance and I fought not to laugh as we waited for Justin's reply.

"Why do you want to know? We're both a bit too old for you, you know," Justin finally said.

"I know. I don't need to know. I'm just curious. I thought I had it figured out, and then you said you weren't, so...I don't."

"Don't worry about it, kid," Justin said with a grin and tried to change the subject. "So are we actually going to do something tonight or just sit around?"

"No one is stopping you from doing anything, Justin. What are we? Your entertainment committee?" I said.

"Yea, and you're all fired."

"I'd think you'd enjoy a night to relax before tomorrow," Lance said.

"Yea, but we got up late and haven't done anything today. I've still got lots of energy."

Lance made a face at him. "Well we're going to lurk some chat rooms. Maybe make a surprise appearance."

"That could be fun. They never believe it's really us when we do get on unless it's an officially sponsored chat."

I sat down on the sofa with my PowerBook. Jonny used Michael's iBook and Lance sat on the end with his laptop. Justin sat between me and Jonny.

"Okay. Which chat server do we want to crash first?" Justin said.

"Where were you at before, Jonny?" Lance asked.

"MTV," Jonny answered.

"Let's go," Lance said and went to a the chat area directly -- he had it bookmarked.

I had to maneuver around to get to it. Jonny had it bookmarked. By the time I registered and got in, Jonny was already typing up a storm. I hadn't been in a chat room in ages and had never been in a fan type one. It was hilarious! It took me a few minutes to be able to understand the chat room shorthand. There were about 200 people in the room and the conversations were difficult to follow -- for me, at least.

After about 15 minutes of lurking, Lance told Jonny to say he and Justin were in the chat room and sitting next to him. Jonny smiled and started typing. His announcement was immediately met with a backlash of "liar" and "ur so full of shit." Lance announced who he was and soon got a private message from the moderator telling him to stop or he'd be dumped.

"How do you like that? Let me find out who this is," Lance said and send back a message to the moderator.

"Hey Justin. Becky Maloney is the moderator. Remember her?"

"Um...heavy girl...kinda goth looking?" Justin asked.

"Yep," Lance mumbled and typed something back to her.

A minute later the moderator announced that Lance and Justin were who they said they were and the questions started flying.

"What did you say to her, Scoop?" Justin asked as he took my PowerBook.

"I reminded her that the first time she met us she slammed the door into Joey and gave him a bloody nose," Lance chuckled and tried to follow what was going on.

"Oh yea."

"On purpose?" I asked.

"No. We were walking down the hall and she came running out a door and Joey got clobbered," Justin explained and typed something.

It was about a forty-five minutes and who knows how many people later that the server came to a grinding halt.

"How long did that take?" Justin asked.

"Forty-five minutes," Lance answered.

"Not bad for just two of us in an unannounced chat."

"Nope. Should we find another server to crash?"

"Sure," Justin said.

"Remember that you need to call your mom," I told Jonny.

"I forgot. Don't do too much without me," Jonny said and put down the iBook. He took the phone and sat on the other side of the living room.

As soon as he was talking I leaned over and whispered to Justin. "Why didn't you just tell Jonny you were bi?"

He just gave me an irritated look.

"I'm not talking about coming out to the world, but you're only in town for another week and I figured you'd want to be able to be close with Charlie," I whispered.

"I know," Justin sighed softly.

Lance found another chat room about them and gave us the address. I grabbed the iBook to have it ready for Jonny.

"Hey! Don't do it without me," Jonny complained.

"Then hurry up," Justin said.

"Okay, Mom. I gotta go. We're gonna make another server crash....Yes, I'm having fun...Okay...Okay...I love you too. Bye," Jonny said, obviously anxious to get her off the phone, and plopped back down between Justin and Lance before taking the iBook back.

They spent the next couple hours going from server to server and every chat room they could find about 'NSYNC. I just watched. It was strange and funny. While there were a lot of kids moaning about Lance being gay, there seemed to be as many or more that respected the courage it took for him to come out and thought his parents were being jerks. 'NSYNC would survive, if the chat areas around the internet were any indication.

"We need to get going to pick everyone up," I said around 10:30.

They all logged out and shut down.

"Now we're even more popular. Thanks a lot, Scoop," Justin said sarcastically and punched Lance in the arm.

"How was I supposed to know?" Lance said and punched him back.

"That's a good thing," Jonny said and gave them both a confused look.

"It's not bad, but it will make it more difficult for us to do other things if 'NSYNC is still so popular," Lance explained.

"So? I like you guys. Why would you want to do anything else?" Jonny questioned.

"What grade are you in?" Lance asked.

"I'm gonna be a sophomore."

"Did you like being a freshman?"

"It was okay. It'll be better to be a sophomore."

"Okay. So each year it gets better, or so you hope. Right?"

"Yea."

"And after you're a senior you expect to graduate and go to university, right?"

"Yea."

"Okay. Now imagine that you're a senior, but they won't let you graduate. They like you so much that they don't want you to leave. So instead of growing and moving on, you're stuck doing the same thing. That's what it's like for us. We've been in 'NSYNC for years and moved up through the grades, but it's getting time to move on and do other things."

"You're gonna break up?"

"No. We're not gonna break up. We've got a new album and a tour to do yet," Justin said and shot Lance a look to shut up.

"But then you're gonna break up?"

"You only break up with people you don't like. We're probably just going to take a break to do some different things," Justin said.

"Okay. That sucks, though," Jonny said.

"It's a long time away and may happen differently," Lance said.

"Yea, okay. Let's go get everyone," Jonny said sullenly.

We got ready and left. Jonny went to MTV with Lance to pick up Danny and Justin and I went to the theater.

"I wish Lance would have kept his mouth shut," Justin grumbled as we walked to the theater.

"You brought it up, actually."

"Thanks," Justin said sarcastically.

"Jonny isn't going to say anything about it, or about you and Charlie, if you're honest with him about it."

"You don't know that for sure."

"You're right. I do know that if you treat him like he has a stake in it, make it personal for him, that he'd keep any secret as if it were his own."

"Don't fucking act like you have anything to lose in this."

"I wasn't. What crawled up your ass?"

"Fuck you."

"Whatever."

We walked along in silence for a block before Justin stopped and turned to me.

"Can't you understand what would happen if it got out that I was bi?" Justin almost hissed and dropped his voice to a whisper for 'bi.'

"Explain it to me," I challenged. "And don't give me any shit about the world ending or 'NSYNC ending. Kevin AND Brian in Backstreet came out as GAY and they're still as overplayed as they always have been."

Justin gave me a pissed off look and started walking again. We were about a block from the theater when he attacked again.

"You know what I hate about you? You always have to fuckin' be right. And you know what I hate even more? You usually are. You're as bad as Lance," he said, still angry.

"I'm not always right. I thought you were straight," I smirked.

Justin let out a frustrated scream and we continued to the theater. Everyone was still in the dressing room getting changed.

"How was the show tonight?" I asked Michael and gave him a kiss.

"Dead. I think there were only thirty people in the audience."

"I'm surprised you had that many."

"I guess I should be glad the audience outnumbered the cast."

"Yep. You about ready?" I asked after he had his shoes on.

"Yea. I have to do a bunch of reading tonight," Michael said and grabbed his bag.

Justin and Charlie headed off ahead of us and were having an animated discussion in whispers.

"What did you do tonight, and why does Justin have his panties in a bunch?" Michael asked.

"I watched Jonny, Lance and Justin crash chat servers. Turns out that Lance coming out is going to make them more popular."

"Probably. And Justin?"

"He's concerned about whether he should tell Jonny about him and Charlie so they can enjoy their last week together. I'm not sure why he's so pissed off, though. He seemed really upset after they finished the chat room stuff."

"Maybe he's jealous that Lance can come out so easily."

"Maybe. He was yelling at me or ignoring me the whole way here."

"Jonny stay home?"

"No. He went with Lance."

"I'm guessing you told him to tell Jonny?"

"Uh, huh."

"I can understand his predicament."

"What's that?"

"Well, we've all just met Jonny. He seems like a good kid and all, but we really don't know him that well yet. Justin has to assume that anything he tells Jonny could get out. If it does get out, then he was outed instead of coming out himself. It would also out Charlie. If they were gay or straight it probably wouldn't be a problem, but they're both bi. The gay community thinks they're gays who can't commit or straight guys playing with being gay. The straight community thinks they're gay. So not only will they get flack about liking guys, but also about being bi instead of one or the other. People hate grays."

"All that college learnin' is payin' off," I smirked.

"Yup," he said like a slack-jawed yokel. "I's learnin' real goodly."

"We'll see once we get your report card, young man."

"I'm not worried," Michael said like he really was and then laughed.

"Oh, your brother called tonight."

"Rob? What did he want?"

"To see if we'd gotten hold of your folks after the storm. The lines are still down."

"I didn't even realize he had my number. He have anything else to say?"

"Yea. I told him about your dad."

"He hadn't heard yet?"

"Nope. He cursed about it for a bit."

"I can imagine."

"And then he interrogated me for a half-hour."

Michael laughed. "You tell him to mind his own damn business?"

"No. I was very polite. He ordered us to be at your parents for Christmas."

"So he's gonna be home?"

"Yep."

"Like we wouldn't be there anyway. We should totally queen out that night."

"Just to get on his nerves?"

"Of course."

"He's already talked to me, so he knows I'm not a queen."

"Oh, well. Maybe we'll just make out in front of him."

"And in front of your mom and dad? No way."

"Why not?"

"'Cause I'm not an exhibitionist."

"You're no fun," Michael teased.

"But you still love me."

"Yes, I do," he said and swatted me on the behind as we climbed the steps to our apartment.

"I want to, but I don't want to," Justin said as we walked in the door. Jonny, Lance and Danny hadn't gotten back yet.

"If we don't, we won't be able to do anything the rest of the time," Charlie said.

"We could stay at the hotel," Justin offered.

"Wouldn't that look a bit suspicious?" Michael said.

"He already thought you were gay and together," I said.

"Don't you think I know that? I was there. Remember?" Justin yelled.

"I think it's time for me to stay out of this," I said and walked to my room.

"Good idea," Justin yelled after me.

I bit my tongue and lay down on the bed. Michael was right behind me.

"I'm sure he'll apologize tomorrow," Michael said as he closed the door.

"Maybe. I don't know why he's all pissed off at me."

"Because you're there, and you're the only one who isn't a performer. You're an easy target."

"I guess. You want to take a shower?"

"Yea. Can you make me something to eat afterwards while I read?"

"Yea," I said and rolled off the bed.

We got undressed and went to take a quick shower. When we were done, Charlie and Justin were in their room, Lance and Danny were in their room, and Jonny was sitting in front of the TV. Michael grabbed his book and sat in bed reading while I went to the kitchen. I made him a sandwich and cup of ginseng tea.

"What are we doing tomorrow?" Jonny asked me as I walked back through with Michael's food.

"I don't know."

"Okay. Can we talk?"

"Always."

"Now?"

"Yea. Let me give Michael his food," I said and went to the bedroom.

"Thanks," Michael said and gave me a quick kiss as he took the plate.

"You're welcome. I'll be back in a little bit," I said and went back to the living room and sat beside Jonny. "So what's on your mind?"

"It's okay that I'm staying here, isn't it?"

"Yea, of course. Why would you think otherwise?"

"I don't think Justin likes me."

"He hardly even knows you yet. Why wouldn't he like you?"

"I don't know. I think it's because I guessed he was bi. He is, isn't he? I mean, he is but just doesn't want to tell me?"

"And I told you before that I'm not going to tell you about anyone's sexuality."

"I can understand him being scared, but I'm not going to tell anyone."

"You need to be telling Justin all this and not me."

"How? He won't even talk to me. When we got home he looked at me and went straight to his room and shut the door."

"Don't read too much into that. We were arguing earlier. It didn't have anything to do with you."

"What was it about?"

"That's between me and Justin."

"It wasn't about you. I'm sorry if I gave that impression," Justin said from the doorway to his bedroom.

"I'm sorry if my guessing that you and Charlie are together made you upset," Jonny said.

"Don't worry about it. It's new for me and I'm still not comfortable with it. I'd appreciate it if you kept that information to yourself," Justin said.

"I won't say anything. You can trust me."

"I know I can. I'm gonna go to sleep now. Can I talk to you a minute, Jonah?" Justin said and went back into his room.

"Good night," Jonny said.

"Don't stay up too late. I'll see you in the morning. Night," I said to Jonny and went to Justin and Charlie's room, closing the door behind me. Charlie was sitting on the bed and Justin was standing facing the window with his back to the door. "Yea?"

Justin turned around and walked up to me. The only light in the room was from the street lights outside. He stood there for a few seconds, and then pulled me into a hug.

"I'm sorry for being an ass to you earlier," he said softly and pulled back.

I started to say something, but was interrupted.

"And if you say 'I understand,' I'm gonna punch you. Just accept the apology," Justin said.

"Accepted," I said.

"Thanks. Now get out of here so I can get some sleep," he half-smiled and pushed me out the door.

"Night, Jonah," Charlie said as the door shut.

"Everyone has someone except me," Jonny said as I started back to my room. I turned around and sat down beside him again.

"You're only 15."

"So? What difference does that make? Just 'cause I'm 15 doesn't mean I don't want someone to be with."

"I didn't mean it like that. What I meant is that you're just starting out. You also said, yourself, that not many guys your age are out, so that makes it even more difficult. Finding someone to love sometimes takes a long time, and some people never find someone to love. I think I'm pretty lucky I found Michael."

"Yea, you are. You said you would tell me sometime how you got together. How about now?"

"How about in the morning?"

"Okay," he said reluctantly. "Night."

"Night." I brushed my teeth and then went back to my room. Michael was still awake and reading, but just barely from the look of his eyes.

"What's up?" Michael asked and put down his book.

"Jonny was worried about Justin hating him because he guessed he was bi. Justin came out -- literally -- and then apologized for being an ass to me earlier," I explained as I got undressed.

"We ought to film this and make a movie out of it."

"No thanks. Just enough drama to keep it interesting is fine for me," I said and got in bed.

"Want me to go read in the kitchen so you can sleep?"

"No. You're fine and I want you right here," I said and snuggled down with my arm across his waist. "Night. Love you."

"Love you," Michael said softly and held my hand around him.

"So now will you tell me how you and Michael got together?" Jonny asked as we were sitting out on the fire escape drinking coffee after breakfast.

"Okay. What do you want to know?" I said.

"Um, I don't know. You said you met when you were working on 'Dawson's Creek,' but you didn't fall in love right away."

"No. We did become friends right away, though. That didn't seem telling or anything because you always try to make friends with the people you work with and your roommate. The theatre has a weird way of making quick friendships, though they usually don't last much longer than the show. We talked a lot, and then emailed once he was done and left. I guess I knew I was falling for him, but I thought he was straight and tried to ignore it. He thought I was straight as well."

"You guys are both out now. Why would you think each other was straight? Did you come out for each other?" Jonny asked.

"No, we were both out before, just not to each other. It's not like I go around introducing myself as 'Gay Jonah.' I was working, or we were hanging out on our off time. It never came up, and then as time went on it was more difficult to risk coming out, and honestly, I never thought anything would happen so it didn't seem very important to tell him."

"If you just would have been out, you both could have been with each other earlier."

"Maybe. Maybe not. We got to know each other without the dating thing getting in the way. We became friends outside of that, and I think that's why we can talk as easily as we do now."

"So then how'd you get together if you didn't know?"

"It was over Christmas. I wasn't going back to Chicago, so Michael insisted I come spend Christmas eve with his family. We got back here late, so he stayed here and slept in my bed with me."

"And then you made out?" Jonny said hopefully.

"Nope. Just slept. When we got up the next morning it had snowed and everything was closed. I had signed up to help out at a shelter Christmas day, so I dragged him along. When we got back that night we were both kinda depressed from the shelter. I made some hot cocoa with rum, and we sat together on the sofa and watched TV the rest of the night. It was really nice and comfortable. Sometime that night we kissed and then snuggled and watched more TV. It was kinda weird, but it just felt right and natural. We didn't say anything about it. It just happened. The next morning Michael woke up before me and talked to Michelle. She told him he'd better tell me he was in love with me or she would. He was real serious and scared, but he told me. I'm glad she forced him into it, 'cause I don't know if I would have been able to tell him. Anyway, after he told me I started laughing and he got pissed off and tried to leave."

"Why'd you laugh at him?"

"I wasn't laughing at him. I was laughing at the situation. I was laughing at the fact that we were both in love with each other, but afraid to let the other know. It seemed absurd and I just started laughing. I think some of it was nervous laughter, though. Anyway, I stopped him and told him I was in love with him, too. We've been together since."

"If you guys would have been honest with each other it wouldn't have been so melodramatic."

"A little drama is not a bad thing. Besides, it all worked out."

"Yea. You weren't tempted when you met Lance and Justin?"

"Tempted to what?"

"You know... Be with one of them instead of Michael."

"No way. Not even a little. Besides, Lance was hot for Michael," I smiled.

"He was?"

"Not really, but I think he was interested. He came up to us, after all, and talked to Michael. We actually made fun of him that night for being in a boy band. We met Danny that night and we all hung together the rest of the night. Michael and I figured out that they would get together right away, but it took a few months."

"Why? They seem to really be in love."

"Lance was away and Danny didn't want a long distance relationship. It takes time to fall in love with someone, though, and that love grows and changes. The way I feel about Michael is different than the way I felt about him last month. It's just... I don't know. It's like the reasons you love change as you become more comfortable with the person and more comfortable with yourself and the whole relationship."

"How can you love someone more? If you totally love them, you totally love them."

"I don't know. You'll have to wait and experience it yourself. I can't really explain it."

"What about Charlie and Justin?"

"Why don't you ask Charlie?"

"Yea. Just ask me," Charlie said as he climbed out with a cup of coffee. "Ask me what?" He asked as he sat down.

"How you and Justin got together."

Charlie laughed. "I was being a freak."

"Yep," I agreed.

"What?" Jonny said, confused.

"We were drinking the first night I got here and I kissed him," Charlie said.

"It was love at first sight?"

"Hardly. I'm not even sure it's love right now. Well...it's love, but not in love. It's more like we're close mates with some other stuff thrown in."

"So you're best friends who have sex," Jonny surmised.

"Something like that," Charlie said.

"I don't think I could ever do that."

"Why's that?"

"'Cause my best friend is a girl," Jonny smiled. "And my best friend who is a guy lives in England."

"It's the first time I've done it. I'm not sure what will happen when he goes on tour," Charlie said.

"You don't think it'll last?" I asked Charlie.

"Don't know. Not the same as it is now, anyway. Justin told me that he thought it would be great if we each married a girl and had big families, but lived next to each other."

I laughed. "Yea. That may work if you find a bi-lesbian couple to marry."

"That's what I told him," Charlie smiled. "He wants the best of both worlds."

"Are we going running this morning?" Jonny asked.

"It's awfully hot to go running," Charlie answered.

"Let's go swimming," I said.

"Is there a public pool around?" Charlie asked.

"Probably, but I don't want to swim in urine. We'll go to the university pool."

"Nice image. Anyone can get into the university pool?"

"Any student, and anyone who wants to pay a monthly fee to get in."

"Why don't we just go to the beach?" Jonny said.

"I don't want to swim in garbage. I think the pool is only like $25 a month, and something like $250 if you buy the one year pass."

"Have you used it before?" Charlie asked.

"Not recently, but last year I went about once a week. They only allow swimming laps or diving -- no playing around or just relaxing."

"Let's do it. It's cooler than running," Charlie said.

"Do you have to swim laps?" Jonny asked.

"Or practice diving. You can't just hang around in the pool unless there's no one else there. Why?"

"I'm not a very good swimmer."

"Can you swim at all?"

"Underwater, if I hold my nose, and I can doggie paddle," Jonny said with an embarrassed smile.

"Then we'll teach you to swim," Charlie said and crawled back inside.

Jonny and I followed him and got ready to go. We took the train into town and walked to the university pool. It was still kinda early, so not many people were there. There were about three people swimming laps, and one person doing dives off the highest platform.

We went back to the locker room and changed. Charlie and I both noticed Jonny trying to sneak a peek, but didn't tease him about it. A quick run through the showers and we were at the pool.

"Let me swim a few laps and then I'll come back and teach you. Okay?" I said to Jonny.

"Yea, okay."

I stretched a little and then dove in. The water was a bit cool, but it felt good after the heat of outside. I started out slowly to get warmed up, and then picked it up to regular speed. I changed strokes every four laps. After sixteen laps I came back to help Jonny. Charlie was still swimming."

"You were on the swim team, weren't you?" Jonny asked.

"Yea, for a few years."

"I remember that. So what do I do?"

"I'm thinking we start with you getting in the water," I smirked.

"Good idea, dorkus," Jonny smirked back and hopped off the edge of the pool into the three foot deep water.

"Okay. I think breast stroke is the easiest, so we'll start out with that." I showed him how to move his arms, and then how the kick works. He would have been doing great once we put it all together, but he was afraid to put his face underwater without holding his nose.

"I'll take over for this," Charlie said, somewhat out of breath, as he swam over.

"Okay. I'm going to do a few more laps," I said and moved over a lane. I did another sixteen laps and pushed it a bit harder. When I got to the edge I looked back to see Jonny swimming down the lane next to me with Charlie swimming next to him and keeping an eye on him. Good. There were people waiting for my lane, so I got out and went over to the diving area. I've never been a good diver. I can dive in straight and not splash all over the place, and the basic one-and-a-half and back dive, but all the multiple flips and twists are beyond me. I made about six dives and then noticed Charlie and Jonny getting out of the water, so I joined them.

"Tired already?" I said as I walked up.

"You should be, too," Charlie said.

"More than I should be, but not too bad. I did a lot more when I was doing it regularly," I said.

"He used to be on the swim team," Jonny informed Charlie.

"Yea. I figured. I'm getting my arse kicked every which way. Jonah with swimming and you with running," Charlie said and gave Jonny a shove. "We need to find a place to play football so I can redeem myself."

"That'd be real fair. The last time I played soccer was probably in gym class my freshman year of high school," I said.

"I'm on the soccer team, too," Jonny smiled.

"Oh well. Bollocks for me," Charlie laughed and headed for the lockers.

We showered, got dressed and headed back out into the heat.

"Where's a good place for me to check on workshops?" Charlie asked me as we were walking out.

"The theatre board. Come on. I want to check for something to do as well," I said and we walked to the Tisch student lounge. It's actually the Green Room for the mainstage, but it doubles as the lounge. When we got there Charlie looked over the workshops section while I looked in the techs and designers section.

"If you get a job, what am I going to do at night?" Jonny asked.

"Dishes. Laundry. Clean house. I'm sure we'll find something for you to do," I said casually.

"Not funny."

"We can try to find you a job, but you're only 15."

"I could be an usher."

"No you couldn't. You aren't in the union, and you have to be 18."

"You don't have to be 18. I know a guy in my class who is an usher at a movie theater."

"That's in Chicago, and at a movie theater."

"I like the idea of him being a maid," Charlie said with a grin.

"I don't," Jonny huffed.

"You'd still get paid for it," I said.

"How much?"

"Five bucks a day plus room and board," I said.

"Five dollars a day?!"

"Yea. How much to you get paid at home for cleaning up?"

"Nothing."

"See? You're already making much more," Charlie laughed.

"I'm being railroaded," Jonny pouted.

"Yep," Charlie and I said together.

"So you find anything?" I asked Charlie.

"Yea. I found one on Shakespeare and one on Chekov."

"Who's teaching the Shakespeare?" I asked.

"Some woman named Judy. That's all it said."

"You'll like her. She's very good and used to be in the RSC. She's tough, though -- at least her class was. I'm guessing that Don is teaching the Chekov?"

"Yea. I guess. Don Hadley?"

"Yep. Good luck on that one," I smirked.

"Should I not take it?"

"No, I'm sure it'll be a good workshop. Don knows his Chekov and is a good director. He's just a bit touchy-feely with his male actors."

"Great," Charlie sighed sarcastically and put the card back on the board.

"Decided against it?"

"I have enough producers and directors trying to be touchy-feely with me when I'm getting paid. I'm not going to put up with getting it from someone I'm paying to learn from," Charlie said.

"Poor Charlie," I said and rubbed my hand down his back, and then smacked his butt.

"You're not my director anymore so that doesn't count," Charlie said with a grin and swatted me on the butt.

"You guys are weird," Jonny said.

"Look who's talking," Charlie said and gave Jonny a swat on the butt as well.

"Don't get excited by that," I teased.

"I may be a freak but I'm not that kinda freak," Jonny said.

"Alright. I've got some things to check out. Let's go home," I said.

"Why go home already? Can't we go to the Empire State or something?" Jonny asked.

"We have stuff to get done. Maybe this weekend or next week. You're gonna be here a month-and-a-half. It's not going anywhere," I said.

When we got home I called my insurance company and filed a claim on my car. It took forever because they were so busy. I went out to the kitchen to get something to drink and give Charlie a chance to use the phone. Jonny was out on the fire escape hunched over something.

"Hey. Whatcha doing?" I asked.

He closed the book he was writing in and turned around. "Just writing in my journal."

"You keep a journal? Cool."

"Yea. I'm gonna be a writer."

"Have you written anything I can read?"

"Um. Not that I have with me."

"Okay. I'll let you get back to it," I said and pulled back in.

+++ Jonny's Journal +++

That was Jonah who just interrupted. He's been pretty cool so far. He treats me like his little brother. I wish.

So back to what happened.

He just talked to me like a normal person. I was totally freaking and embarrassed as hell, but he was cool about it and said he had to go to rehearsal. I am SO glad I didn't pop a bone when he was talking to me. He's so sexy in person, and really nice. I yelled at Jonah later for not telling me Justin was staying here, but he told me I shouldn't be intimidated by him. Jonah is always cool like that.

Not always, I guess. I was being really camp when we got here and Jonah yelled at me. It kinda hurt. I expected him to understand, but he didn't at the time. He and Tommy still don't like each other, though I can't blame him. Tommy is my brother I don't really like him either. Jonah apologized to me the next morning and we talked forever.

Gone camping.

That's what Jonah calls it when someone acts all campy queen. I think it's a cool phrase. I'll have to remember to tell Gareth that one.

We were still talking when Charlie came out on the fire escape with us. Oh My God! He was only wearing a pair of shorts and I boned up like dorkus maximus erectus. He's so hot, and he's English too. I should ask Gareth if he knows him. He treated me cool, though, and didn't make a big deal out of me popping a bone like Jonah did. I'd been here less than 24 hours and I'd had enough embarrassment to last a lifetime.

We talked about some more stuff and then went jogging. Jonah rode his bike 'cause he doesn't like running. I've never been more glad that I'm on the track team. Charlie had these loose nylon running shorts on and no shirt. Luckily I didn't have my running shorts with me, so I just wore regular baggy shorts and a t-shirt. It was hot out but I was too embarrassed to run shirtless with him, and if I'd popped a bone I'd have no way to hide it. We ran a couple miles to a park and then back. I let Charlie lead on the way there, but he was too slow so I led on the way back. It was funny. He was so out of breath 'cause he tried to keep up with me. Jonah teased him about being old, but I told him I though he looked really good. I think he thought I was calling him old, but I really meant it. He does look good.

I asked Jonah if Charlie was gay when he was in the shower. Jonah wouldn't tell me and told me to look for someone younger. Who cares about age? I know Charlie probably only sees me as some kid, and I'd probably be too scared to do anything with him anyway, but maybe after we got to know each other... It would be really cool if I got a boyfriend who looked like Charlie, but was my age, lived near me, and was totally in love with me. It could be just like my stories, but for real.

I had to "wank" in the shower. Had to. Wanking. That's what Charlie calls jacking off. I actually did it twice. The first time didn't last long and I was still excited. I mean, you would be too. I'd just met Justin Timberlake and then being around Charlie. I could have stayed in there all day! It's weird that I don't think about Jonah that way. I used to have a real crush on him, and I think I still do, but I don't think about him that way. When I think about Jonah I think about him holding me and kissing me and us just hanging out. Maybe that's the difference between love and lust, or maybe it's just 'cause I've known Jonah for as long as I can remember.

We went grocery shopping 'cause there was a hurricane coming -- but I'll get to that later.

We went into town and had dinner with Michael. I've hardly talked with him at all since he's been in classes or at the theater, but he's been really nice to me. He's cute, but I don't think he's sexy. Maybe my scale of sexy is just off after being around Charlie and seeing Justin. He and Jonah are really in love. I hope I find someone who loves me like they love each other. Jonah told me this morning that it wasn't love at first sight, but I think he was lying. When he told me about how they met I could easily tell they were in love. Maybe it's just easier for me to see 'cause it wasn't happening to me.

We went to the theater after that. I had to wander around while Michael took a nap and Jonah held him. That's so cool. I want someone who will hold me when I want to take a nap. Anyway, it was fun to wander around the theater. I've never really been in a professional theater and it was cool to be able to walk around and check things out without having to worry about getting caught. I found a ladder and went up to the catwalks. That was really cool. I get this excited and light headed feeling when I'm up high -- and this was up high. It must have been at least twenty-five feet or more and you could see through the metal grate floor so that it looked like you were walking on nothing and just floating. It rocked!

Jonah came to get me a little while later and we went to a bookstore and then a coffee house to waste time before the show started. The coffee house was just like what I would expect. It was dark and smoky with big fluffy furniture and people talking quietly with jazz on the radio. There were swords and shields on the walls. It's called Beowulf. Weird name, but it's a cool place. I want to go back there and sit and write. It was a perfect place for that.

When Jonah said that the show would probably give me wet dreams I thought he was exaggerating. No way. Michael and Charlie made out and acted like they were having sex in a couple of the scenes, and then I saw Charlie totally naked at the end. Oh My God! I'll say that again in case you missed it. Oh My God! I'll write more about the show later, but let's just say I was so glad I didn't have a spontaneous orgasm. Really.

Justin was there when we got home and I think I made a better impression. At least I didn't make a fool out of myself, and he invited me to come see them at MTV in the studio. I know Gareth will be so jealous. I haven't told him anything about this yet except that I'm staying in New York. I need to remember to see if he's online later.

Tommy had basically disappeared since we got here. I though it was just to give me a break from being harassed by him, but it was just 'cause he still hates Jonah and doesn't want to be around a bunch of fags. Joey came back to the apartment and went to talk to Jonah in private. I know they were talking about me, but I fell asleep before I could ask them about it.

Jonah and Michael went to his parent's house for 4th of July. I got to hang out with just Charlie for a little while before we went to MTV. He had some pass that he said Justin gave him and we got in right away. I'm glad he did 'cause there were thousands of girls crowding around the main door and we would have never gotten picked to go in. Charlie said we were going to stop in and say hi to Danny. He's the other roommate who I hadn't met yet. I know I must have looked like a dorkus as we walked through the halls. I saw Serina and Brian and Kurt and a bunch of famous people that I know I've seen, but I don't know their names. It was amazing. Here I was walking in the back halls of MTV and seeing all these people that I've seen on TV forever just walking around like normal people. Charlie waved us past a security guard and we walked back another hallway. I thought he must spend a lot of time there if they know him. I was dorkus maximus when I finally met Danny. It's the same Danny from "Real World: New Orleans." He looked a little different, but it was definitely him. He's not my type, but I really like his voice and his smile. He was really busy so we didn't stay long and went to the studio.

The studio looked just like it looks on TV, except bigger. Some girl came out and told everyone in the audience how we were supposed to act. Basically we were supposed to be excited and participate, but not get freaky or out of hand. Charlie said she was the producer. The show finally started and it was a little boring with just Carson talking and showing the videos. He's shorter than I expected, and a little chubby. Charlie and I already knew, but when he announced 'NSYNC was there, the crowd went wild and you could hear the screams from outside. I'm glad I wasn't outside or I would be deaf. They had to know 'NSYNC would be there so I don't know why they freaked out. Maybe it was staged. Finally 'NSYNC came out and it got really wild. I even got excited. It was all of them. I'd kinda met Justin a little, but not everyone. They were just how I expected. Lance looked upset, though. I remember thinking that. He looked upset. After they did a new song -- which totally rocked, by the way -- they had a short question and answer session. Someone else noticed Lance was upset and asked him. He said he was gay and his parents hated him because of it! I was so shocked and happy and...I don't know. I just wanted to jump up and cheer for him and yell I was gay too, but I didn't. It didn't feel right 'cause the whole studio got really quiet. Lance walked off and Carson fumbled and went to a commercial. The rest of the 'NSYNC guys ran off the stage after that and Charlie grabbed me and we left as well. The bodyguards closed in and we couldn't follow them, so Charlie and I ran to Danny's office. At first I thought it was weird we'd do that, but it turns out that Danny is Lance's boyfriend. We almost ran into Danny as he was running down the hall. Danny looked happy and scared and panicked at the same time. Charlie told him that they had already left with security so we went back to Danny's office to wait for Lance or someone to call and say where they went. Everyone in the halls and in Danny's office was talking about what Lance said. I tried to stay out of the way, but it was really cool. I was there. I saw it all.

Justin finally called and said they were going to Jonah's apartment, so we left and went there. Lance was crying and hyperventilating and he and Danny went straight to their room and shut the door. All of 'NSYNC was there. I was dorkus maximus again and just tried to stay out of the way. What could I say? I mean, really? "I'm really glad Lance is gay. Can I get an autograph?" ?! Not hardly. So I just shut up and listened to them talk about it. They were concerned about the band, but not upset with Lance. I was so happy about that.

Jonah and Michael got home a little later. They got some Mezcal, which is this really strong liquor. I think it's something like tequila 'cause it had a worm in the bottle. I think that's kinda gross. Anyway, Justin stayed and the rest of 'NSYNC went back to the hotel. We had a party with pizza and Mezcal and watching "South Park." It was Lance's coming out party. I should have had a cool coming out party instead of being slapped and kicked out of the house. They even let me have some of the Mezcal. The first one burned and I thought I was going to choke to death, but I had two more and they weren't that bad.

The hurricane was starting outside, but we didn't really notice it. It was so fun. Everyone kept making jokes about the size of Lance's balls, and Justin paid the pizza guy a hundred dollar bill like it was nothing. The hurricane made the power go out when it was late, so we went in Jonah and Michael's room and made a big bed on the floor and blocked up the window with the box spring.

You'll never believe what happened next. I slept with six guys! No, you perv. I didn't have sex. I was really scared about it at first, but everyone was really nice and just told me to sleep where I wanted. They did laugh at my 'NSYNC boxers, though. Maybe I should just have DORKUS MAXIMUS tattooed on my forehead. I lay down between Jonah and Charlie -- at least I knew them best. I didn't want to touch anyone and was really nervous, but Charlie made me relax and told me to hold him while Jonah held me. It felt so cool. I think I could write a whole story about how cool it felt to hold Charlie and have Jonah hold me at the same time. Charlie was even holding Justin and my hand was touching Justin's back.

I couldn't help it and popped a bone. I know Charlie had to feel it, but he didn't say anything or react at all. My heart was beating really fast and it sounded so loud I thought for sure that everyone could hear it. I finally relaxed and fell asleep, but my dreams were really sexy.

When I woke up later it was storming really hard. Okay. I admit it. I was scared. Charlie was lying on his back now and I tried to hold him closer, but Justin was taking up most of him. It was then that I realized they were together. Of course. The two hottest guys in the place would be together. I moved my arm lower so I could at least hold Charlie, but I put it down a little to far and touched his penis through his boxers. I totally froze and my heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to explode. I wanted so badly to touch him again, but I was too afraid and it would have been wrong. I really, really wanted to, though. My heart finally stopped racing, but the storm still sounded so bad and so loud that I couldn't get back to sleep. I woke Jonah up and we went to check it out. It was already past us and all we had now was strong rain and possible tornadoes. I snuggled up to Jonah when we got back in the room. It was almost like in my dreams when I would hold him, but he didn't have another boyfriend he was holding in my dreams.

++++++

"Dinner's ready," I said as I leaned out the window. Jonny had been writing in his journal for the past couple hours.

"Okay," he said and shut the book before climbing in.

"Good writing session?" I asked.

"Yea. I haven't written in it yet since I've been here, so I have a lot to catch up on."

"Do you use it for stories, or more of a diary?"

"Everything. Whatever is on my mind or happens. Sometimes I write stories in it, but I usually use the computer for that."

Charlie left for the theater after dinner. I watched TV while Jonny got online.

+++ Jonny & Gareth Chat +++

gareth85: smile i've missed you. how's new york?

jonny15: it's so cool and I have so much to tell you. you'll never believe me.

gareth85: probably not. you do tend to invent stories. ;-)

jonny15: yea, but that's writing. this is real.

gareth85: ok. what happened? don't tell me u & jonah are doing it

jonny15: no way. jonah is really cool, though. he's got a boyfriend.

gareth85: 2 bad 4 u :-(

jonny15: 1st. i'm staying here all summer!

gareth85: really? no tommy?

jonny15: yep. no tommy. no dad.

gareth85: that's cool :-D

jonny15: yep. even more...

gareth85: don't tease

jonny15: guess where i was on 4th of july

gareth85: duh, in ny?

jonny15: duh. i was at mtv in the studio when lance came out!

gareth85: no way!

jonny15: very way! jonah knows them and i met justin before it and he got me in

gareth85: if this is a story i'm never gonna talk to u again

jonny15: it's the truth. we had a coming out party afterwards at jonah's place

gareth85: i'm a little green eyed monster right now

jonny15: i would be too. do u know who charlie hunnam is?

gareth85: of course i do. don't tell me u met him 2...

jonny15: he lives here with jonah.

jonny15: oops. i probably shouldn't have told you that.

gareth85: i won't tell & i don't even know where u r at

jonny15: you gotta promise. everything i tell you doesn't go any further.

gareth85: okay

jonny15: promise.

gareth85: i promise.

jonny15: good. so how do you know about charlie?

gareth85: didn't u watch 'queer as folk'?

jonny15: no. lackluster doesn't have it. he's in that?

gareth85: yea. he's one of the main characters. he's hot!

jonny15: i know. ;-)

gareth85: u didn't

jonny15: didn't what?

gareth85: u didn't have sex with him, did you?

jonny15: no way. he's taken & i think he sees me as a little brother

gareth85: good. bet u want to ?

jonny15: i've seen him naked on stage, and slept next to him when we had the hurricane :-D--`<=

gareth85: u r so lucky

jonny15: sometimes. i think it's making up for dad & tommy

gareth85: is he gay?

jonny15: i couldn't tell you even if i knew. it's frustrating

gareth85: what?

jonny15: that there's so much i want to tell u, but i can't cause i promised

gareth85: i understand. i wouldn't tell you if i was in the same situ

jonny15: thanks.

gareth85: no prob

jonny15: jonah & charlie taught me how to swim 4 real today

gareth85: u couldn't swim?

jonny15: not really. just doggie paddle. now i can.

gareth85: do u know who lance's bf is?

jonny15: yea, but i can't tell you. he's famous as well. they're afraid he might get hurt by fans, so hush hush 4 now

gareth85: :-( i guess i can wait

jonny15: they really love each other. makes me want a bf...

gareth85: me 2

jonny15: guess who i saw in the shower?

gareth85: yourself spanking it?

jonny15: of course, but no, guess again

gareth85: please don't tell me justin...

jonny15: :-D :-D :-D

gareth85: u suck!

jonny15: not yet....

jonny15: ;-)

gareth85: is he?

jonny15: same answer as before

gareth85: :-|

jonny15: sorry

gareth85: 's alright. i understand. now that u r famous...

jonny15: i'm still me. just around famous people

gareth85: u must b in gay heaven

jonny15: i told jonah the same thing. he doesn't realize how cool this is

gareth85: he sounds yawn

jonny15: not yawn. he said he sees the people & not the celebrities

gareth85: yawn

jonny15: stop that! he's cool. that's why he has cool friends.

gareth85: really yawn. it's late here. 2:30

jonny15: ok. y don't u go to bed. i'll try to be on again soon.

gareth85: real soon. i miss u when u disappear :-(

jonny15: i'll try not to. 'nsync will be gone after next week. i'm gonna be bored.

gareth85: even with charlie and jonah?

jonny15: yea. charlie & michael are in a play and jonah is going to be. so i'll have nights home alone

gareth85: who's michael?

jonny15: jonah's bf. he's nice. he played henry on 'dawson's creek'

gareth85: michael pitt?

jonny15: yep.

gareth85: how do u stop wanking?

jonny15: who said i ever stopped? ;-P

gareth85: u r gonna be a bloody stump

jonny15: :-D

gareth85: dorkus

jonny15: dorkus maximus!!

gareth85: ok. i gotta go to sleep. i'm dead.

jonny15: ok. i'll email u when i know i can be on. k?

gareth85: k. luv u. night. hug kiss

jonny15: right back. night. kiss

++++++

Jonny shut the iBook, put it on the coffee table and sighed.

"Anything wrong?" I asked.

"Not really."

"Who were you talking with?"

"Gareth. He's my best guy friend. He lives in Bristol, England."

"How long have you known him?"

"Almost two years."

"How'd you meet?"

"Um, he wrote to tell me he really liked one of my stories and we started talking a lot."

"Now I know why you want to go to England," I smiled.

"Yea. It's weird that we've known each other for almost two years and have never met," Jonny sighed.

"Do you know what he looks like? Is he cute?"

"He's too young for you, Jonah," Jonny smirked.

"I was thinking of you," I shot back.

"If he wasn't on the other side of the world, definitely."

"Does he feel the same way?"

"Yea," Jonny said with a sigh.

"Is he out?"

"We both came out at the same time. We kinda pressured each other to do it."

"How did his parents react?"

"He lives with his dad, but his dad was really cool about it and said he already suspected and was okay with it."

"That's good. Have you ever heard his voice? Talked with him on the phone?"

"Twice. I called him, and then he called me. It's really expensive so we decided that staying on the 'net is better."

"Well, give it a few more years and you can go meet him in person, or he can come here," I said.

"It'll be a long time. If I go I'll have to pay for it myself."

"You remember that five dollars a day I said we'd pay you for housekeeping?"

"Yea."

"Let's add to that an hour a week of long distance to Gareth," I smiled.

"Serious?"

"Sure."

Jonny started smiling from ear to ear. "Thanks."

"It's not for free. You still have to do the housework."

"I know."

"Good. I need to go into town and meet with some people about doing some design work. You want to stay here or come with me?"

"Um, are you going to pick Michael and Charlie up afterwards, or come back here first?"

"I'll probably just go to the theater and wait for them."

"Is your meeting near the theater?"

"A few blocks away. Why?"

"Could you drop me off at the coffee house across the street that we were at? I'd like to hang out there and write."

"Sure. Let's go," I said and we were out the door a few minutes later.

"I'd like to read some of your stuff," I said as we were riding the train in. "What kinda stories to you write?"

"Fiction."

"Tell me about one of them."

"Um, maybe later."

"Why? Are they erotic stories?" I teased.

"If I tell you, you can't tell anyone."

"Okay."

"I mean it. Not even Michael."

"I tell Michael everything, but he won't tell anyone else. Come on. What are they about?"

"Fan-fiction," Jonny said softly.

"Ahh. So erotic stories about Justin?"

"A few of them, yea. You can't tell him. He'd be mad at me."

"I said I wouldn't. He's probably read them, though," I laughed.

"I don't even want to know. I'd be too embarrassed. I'm gonna have to stop writing about them now."

"Why's that?"

"Because I know them now. It wouldn't be right and I might slip up and put something in that is real."

"Okay."

"Besides, I'm getting better and I could never get a story published if it had real people in it like that."

"It'll be hard to get gay erotica published anyway."

"I write more than that, but those are the ones that I've put out on the internet for people to read."

"Has anyone read the others?"

"Just Gareth and Jeanie."

"Jeanie's your best girl friend in Chicago?"

"Yea. She says I should make my own web site and put all my stories up there."

"Why don't you?"

"You sure ask a lot of questions." Jonny smirked.

"Yea. So answer the question."

"I'm not sure if I want anyone to read those other stories. The fan-fiction stories I wrote using a pen name. I'd want to use my real name for my other stories, but I'm kinda afraid people will read them and track me down or call the house. Dad would get really mad."

"Don't use your full name. Use like J. Mathias or your middle name. Mathias is a common enough name. There's got to be hundreds of people named Mathias across the country."

"I thought about it. A lot of them take place in Chicago, though. There are thirty-five Mathias' in the phone book for Greater Chicago. I checked. I'm related to most of them."

"What's your middle name?"

"I hate it."

"So? What is it?"

"Antonio," Jonny said softly.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Are you kidding? It's totally geeky. Antonio. Yuck."

"It's not that bad. How about Jonathon Antonio as your pen name for your web site. It sounds distinguished."

"It sounds like a member of the mob."

"Good. Then people will think twice about messing with you," I smirked.

"Or send a hit man after me thinking I'm a different Jonny Antonio."

"Suffer for your art, man," I laughed. "Come on. This is our stop."

"Painters suffer for their art. Writers experience and observe things and write about them," Jonny said as we headed up the steps out of the station.

"Writers do their own share of suffering as well. Look at Sylvia Plath, or Jack Kerouac, or Albert Camus."

"I haven't heard of any of them, except Jack Kerouac from that 10,000 Maniacs' song."

"Then I've got a lot of reading for you to do this summer."

"I'm supposed to be on vacation from school."

"This is reading for pleasure. I'm not going to give you a bad book to read."

"Okay. Just so it's not anyone like Hawthorne or Melville. God, they were boring."

"No chance there. I think they're pretty dull myself. I'm thinking more modern authors, or really old ones. Have you read 'Candide' yet?"

"I've never even heard of it. Is it old or new, and what is it about?"

"It's pretty old. It's a satire. I think you'll like it."

"So it's funny?" Jonny asked.

"Not really funny ha-ha, but yea."

"So like British comedy funny? Like 'Are You Being Served?' or 'Red Dwarf' or something?"

"You watch those shows?"

"Sometimes. They're on PBS late. 'Red Dwarf' is pretty good, but 'Are You Being Served?' is just stupid. Maybe it was funny in the 60's."

"Or not. Okay. Here's $5 to get some coffee. I should be back by ten. Stay here, or go across the street to the theater if you have to leave. Okay?"

"I'm not five years old and I am from a big city," Jonny said.

"I know, but I'm responsible for you while you're here. Give me a break. Okay?"

"Yea, okay. See you later," Jonny said and went into the coffee house.

+++ Jonny's Journal +++

I'm in that coffee house now. Jonah went to get another job and let me stay here alone. I was afraid he wouldn't, but he did.

The waitress is wearing leopard print pants.

I got hold of Gareth tonight. I really wish we lived near each other. I know I love him and he says he loves me, but I don't want to love him too much 'cause he's so far away. Maybe I could apply to be an exchange student. Yea right. With my luck I'd get sent to Russia or something instead of England.

Getting back to where I left off.

We were all sleeping in the same big bed. When I finally woke up, everyone was gone. At first I thought it was a dream -- and then a nightmare when I heard Tommy. I went out to see what he was yelling about and he hugged me like I'd almost died or something, and then told me to put some clothes on so I wouldn't get raped or something. Joey yelled at him for that and Jonah looked like he was going to kill him. Tommy doesn't think very often. I think it's weird how different we are. No one ever guesses we're brothers. He looks like Dad. I look like Mom. I think I got all the brains. I think too much and it seems that Tommy doesn't think at all. I hope he's thought a little while I'm here so he's not such an ass when I get back.

Anyway, as they were arguing I learned that they were planning to leave me here. No one told me. I was pretty upset. I mean, you would be too. Things have been pretty crappy at home, and then they want me to move in with Joey's family so I don't have to be around Dad, and now they want to move me out of the state. Maybe if I was on another planet it would be far enough away. So I was really upset and ran into the bathroom and slammed the door. I sat down to cry like the big wus I am and about freaked when the shower curtain pulled back and I looked up to see Justin naked and reaching for the towel. I must have really been upset 'cause I didn't get excited or really notice it at the time or anything. I guess that's good, 'cause I would have had a heart attack if I was thinking clearly. I did notice that he's about the same size as me and has light brown hair. Well, I didn't notice at the time, but as I think about it now I guess I saw more than I thought I did. So he saw I was crying and sat down on the edge of the tub and called me over to sit next to him. He put his arm around me and asked me what was wrong. OMG! I just remembered that I was only wearing my boxers! I'm glad I was so upset now 'cause I'd have died from embarrassment if I'd boned up when he put his arm around me. Just thinking about it now has got me excited. I need to stop thinking about it. It has to get easier to not think about sex when you get older.

Jonah came in after a few minutes and explained why they wanted me to stay here. It made me feel better. Jonah told me he wanted me to stay here, but it was my choice. He said it would be like gay summer camp. He's just cool like that. I had to tell Tommy if I wanted to stay here, though. It was easy to tell him to go away and leave me alone. We got all my clothes from Joey's car and they left. It felt good.

After the previous night with everyone, I felt more comfortable around them and I think they felt more comfortable around me. Charlie and I went running again and Justin came this time. Justin could keep up with me and teased Charlie about being out of shape. It was hot and humid outside and we ran through the mud puddles that were still there, and jumped over the tree branches that had fallen. When we got to a street that still had a bunch of water in it, Charlie pushed Justin into the water and he almost fell in it. Justin tried to catch me to throw me in 'cause I laughed, but I was too fast for him. It was all really fun.

When we got back, Lance, Jonah and Michael were hugging and Lance was crying. His mom had called and yelled at him for saying he was gay on MTV and letting the world know that they hated him 'cause he was gay. Justin and Charlie hugged him as well, but I stood back. I felt closer to them, but I didn't know if they felt closer to me. I didn't want to be where I wasn't welcome so I stood back and watched. As they were talking after they broke the hug I told Lance that he still had us even if his parents were dicks. Well, I didn't say it like that. He thanked me and gave me a hug. That felt really nice.

It's weird to see someone that old crying, and crying because his parents yelled at him. I was hoping that as I got older it wouldn't matter as much what Mom and Dad think about me. I would become a famous writer and Dad would be proud of me and sorry for the way he's been acting. I'd hoped, anyway. I'll never be as famous as Lance and his parents still hate him, so that blows that theory. I wonder if you ever get over being a kid and wanting your parents approval. It's really depressing if you don't.

Charlie and Michael went to the theater and I used Michael's iBook to get on the net. They have a really fast wireless net connection. I checked email and then went to the 'NSYNC chat room at MTV to see what people were saying about Lance. Some people were complaining and some were confused and some were happy. I yelled at the people who were complaining. It felt a little weird 'cause I had to be careful not to tell that I knew them now. I had to quit when Lance started dinner and take a shower. I wanked again, of course, but only once this time.

After dinner we all got online and went to MTV's chat room on 'NSYNC. After a little while Lance said it was okay to tell who they were and that I was with them. No one wanted to believe me and the moderator yelled at him, but he sent a message back to her and she told everyone they really were Lance and Justin. It was so much fun. I never realized how stupid it sounds when the girls or guys would say they love or want to marry one of 'NSYNC. Sitting next to them and knowing them, kinda, and the way they would make faces and laugh, made me see how weird it was.

Oh, I forgot. At dinner, Justin told me he wasn't gay. I had thought for sure that he and Charlie were together, and at least bi if not gay, and I told him that. He tried to brush it off, but I think he was mad at me.

We went to pick everyone up later that night. I went with Lance to pick up Danny, and Jonah and Justin went to the theater to get Michael and Charlie. Justin seemed more upset and I hoped I hadn't pissed him off or something. When we got close to MTV we saw there was a bunch of people outside, so Lance hid back and called Danny to meet me at the door. I went and got Danny and lead him to where Lance was hiding.

When we got home Justin gave me a pissed off look and went to his room. I started feeling bad about being here. I mean, I probably spoiled it for him and Charlie. He was obviously still in the closet and then I show up and he has to hide it again so I won't find out. I'd already guessed they were together and I hadn't told anyone, but he was still mad at me. I talked with Jonah about it and he said that they had a fight earlier and it wasn't about me. I know he was lying and trying to make me feel better. Justin came out of his room and said he was sorry and admitted that he and Charlie were together without actually saying the words. He said it's still new to him and he's not comfortable with it yet. I told him he could trust me and he said he knew he could and then went to bed. I guess I felt a little better after that. Now that I knew for sure that they were a couple it made me feel even more lonely, though. Jonah said it takes time to find a boyfriend and not to worry about it. It didn't really help.

I had to sleep on the sofa that night. It sucked after sleeping next to Charlie and Jonah the night before. Everyone was sleeping with someone except me.

We went swimming and Jonah and Charlie taught me how to swim for real this afternoon.

Jonah had told me how he and Michael got together. It sounded really romantic. Charlie says that he and Justin aren't in love. They love each other, but aren't IN love. Like they're best friends who have sex. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. I guess I kinda hoped that they were in love like Jonah and Michael or Lance and Danny. Charlie said they weren't and that Justin wants to marry a girl and have kids, but live next to Charlie so they can still have sex. I think I lost some respect for Justin after that. Maybe Charlie too.

I got roped into doing housework for low pay. Sucks. Jonah said I could call Gareth for an hour a week in addition to the low pay for doing house work. Sucks less after that.

Gareth was online when I got on and we finally talked. It was really late for him and he was tired, so we didn't talk long, but it was cool. I told him some stuff, but not everything. He said he was jealous. I knew he would be.

Jonah just walked in.

++++++

"Hey," I said and dropped down into the chair next to Jonny. "Get caught up?"

"Almost. What time is it?"

"About a quarter-till eleven."

"Did you get the job?"

"Yep. It doesn't start for a few weeks, though. Sure you had enough coffee?" I laughed at Jonny's hand shaking.

"Yea. She just keeps fill it up. I've never had so much coffee that my hand shakes," Jonny said.

"Have fun trying to get to sleep tonight."

"Maybe I'll just read all night, if that book is any good."

"It is. Come on. Pay your bill and let's go."

We went across the street and waited for Michael and Charlie to get changed, and then went home. Five minutes later, Justin stumbled in, looking exhausted.

"You okay, J?" Charlie asked.

"If I could get a massage tonight," Justin said hopefully.

"I think that could be arranged."

"Thanks. Night everyone," Justin sighed and stumbled off to his room.

"I guess that's my cue. Night," Charlie said and followed him.

"You know what? A massage sounds good," Michael said and grabbed my hand.

"Is that your code word for sex?" Jonny asked.

"Nope. We have different code words for that. A massage is just a massage," Michael said.

"Then could I get one too?" Jonny asked.

"Not like the massage I'm gonna get from Jonah," Michael laughed.

"So it is a code word for sex."

"No, but we are naked and use massage oil," I said.

"Um, I'm okay with that," Jonny said.

"I bet you are," I laughed.

"Sorry, kid. You'll have to wait for your own boyfriend," Michael said.

"Afraid you won't be able to control yourself?" Jonny smirked.

"Nope. Afraid you won't be able to control yourself," Michael laughed.

"In the mean time you can give yourself a massage," I said and pulled Michael off the sofa.

"Just remember to rub more than that one spot," Michael teased.

"Dorkus," Jonny grumbled and went back to watching TV.

"Oh, I'll get that book for you," I said and looked through the bookcase until I found "Candide." I gave it to Jonny and we went to our room and closed the door.

"So, stranger. We finally meet without a book in your hands," I smiled.

"Gotta love weekends. And you," Michael said and gave me a kiss as he unbuttoned my pants.

"You want to go first?"

"No. I'll fall asleep and you won't get one if I do."

"You'll wake up when I pull you into the shower to clean off the oil," I smiled.

"Don't bet on it. Remind me next time that taking classes and doing a show at the same time obliterates free time with my man."

"And sleep."

"Yea, and sleep. Now I understand why you're always so tired during the semester."

"It's a little easier when you get the crap classes out of the way. Oh yea, right there," I groaned as Michael's hands kneaded the back of my neck.

"Jonny seems to be a normal kid now. How's he doing?"

"Good. He wants to be a writer."

"Have you read any of his stuff?"

"No. He said he doesn't have any of it with him. He wrote in his journal for a couple hours today. Turns out he does have a boyfriend."

"You read his journal?"

"No. He was chatting with him on the 'net earlier. His name is Gareth and he lives in Bristol, England."

"His age?"

"I didn't ask, but from the way he talked I assume so. He says he's his best guy friend just because they are so far away from each other."

"But if they were in the same town they'd get together?"

"Yea. We're gonna pay him $5 a day and an hour a week long distance to Gareth for being a housekeeper."

"Good. We need one. If he can just keep the bathroom clean it's worth that and more."

"Don't tell him that. He's happy now with the phone call and $5."

"Your calves are really tight. You go running with them today?"

"No. We went swimming. I probably did a few more laps than I should have."

"Where'd you go?"

"The university pool."

"You'll have to show me where it's at. It's free for students, right?"

"Yea. We can go together if you want to get up earlier."

"Nice idea in theory. I need the sleep."

"Okay. I really don't want to get up early to swim anyway. I think that had more to do with me quitting the swim team in high school than anything."

"I didn't know you were on the swim team."

"My freshman and sophomore year. Practices were at 5AM. Totally sucked. Once I started doing more theatre stuff in the evenings it made it impossible to get up at that hour."

"I could never drag my butt outta bed at 5AM to go swimming."

"It was really hard to get motivated in the winter. 'Do I sleep in this nice warm bed, or run to school in the snow and then jump into a freezing pool?'"

"You know how I'd vote. Roll over," Michael said and pulled my arm. Once I was rolled over on my back, he straddled me, and then laid down on my chest. "I think I just want to go to bed," he whispered.

I brought my arms up and gently rubbed his back as he laid on top of me. A few minutes later I could feel him starting to go to sleep.

"Let's go take a shower so you can go to sleep," I said softly and gently pushed him up.

"Okay," he mumbled sleepily and stood up.

We were going straight to the bathroom, so we didn't bother putting anything on. The light was still on in the living room so I assumed Jonny was still up. Michael was in front of me and opened the bathroom door to find Danny and Lance just about to get in the shower.

"Sorry," Michael said.

"We'll only be a few minutes," Lance said.

"Take your time. Mind if we use the sink? Massage oil," Michael said and held up his hands.

"Go ahead," Danny said and shut the curtain.

I stepped in and closed the door while Michael grabbed a washcloth and turned on the water.

"Turn around," Michael told me after he'd wet the cloth and rubbed some soap into it.

I did so and he used the soapy wash cloth to clean the oil off me. It was like a sponge bath, and pretty erotic. When he finished, I took the cloth and washed him. It only took a few minutes and we were back in our room after brushing our teeth.

I pulled back the covers and laid down on my side. Michael pushed me onto my back, straddled me, and laid down like before.

"I like this position. I'm not crushing you, am I?" Michael smiled sleepily and gave me a kiss.

"Nope. I like it, too. Aren't your legs gonna get cramped if you sleep like that, though?"

"Just roll me off after I go to sleep. Night. Love you," he said and gave me another kiss before laying his head down on my chest.

"Love you," I said and rubbed his back. He was sound asleep within a few minutes. He felt so nice and comfortable on me that I fell asleep before I even thought to roll him over.

We slept in 'till ten and then made love before taking a shower. Jonny was still asleep with the book on the floor beside him. Charlie and Justin were sitting at the kitchen table talking.

"About time," Justin said as we walked into the kitchen.

"It's Saturday. We don't have to be up early," Michael said.

"We're playing football today," Charlie said.

"We still don't have a ball," I said.

"Yes we do. I got one yesterday," Justin smiled.

"Okay. I still can't play worth shit, then," I countered.

"You'll learn," Charlie said.

"Where?"

"There's a field large enough down at Prospect Park."

"Don't we have to go look for a new car?" Michael hinted.

"Oh, that's right. Sorry guys. We have to go find a new car. Maybe next time," I smiled.

"Don't be a twat. I know you're just afraid to get your arse kicked. You can go looking for cars tomorrow," Charlie said.

"Most car dealers are closed on Sunday. How about we play soccer tomorrow?" Michael said.

"Rain or shine. No pissing out," Charlie stated.

"Okay. Just remember that I warned you I wasn't any good when you get frustrated tomorrow."

"What kinda car are you going to get?" Justin asked.

"I don't know yet. Probably another Golf."

"I told him he should get a pimp-mobile," Michael smiled.

"For some reason I just don't see you guys as the pimp-mobile type," Justin laughed.

"Thank you," I said.

"So why a Golf instead of a nicer car?" Justin asked.

"Because it's small enough to fit in most parking spaces, but big enough to carry stuff. Gets pretty good gas mileage, and I don't have to drive it for a couple hours a day so I don't need anything really nice."

"I'd never move here for that very reason," Justin said.

"What?" Michael asked.

"It's inconvenient to drive anywhere or have a nice car. I like driving, when I get to do it, and have a nice car. It's great to just open the sun roof, turn up the tunes, and fly down the highway."

"You can do that here as long as you're not in the city and it's not rush hour."

"Two very large qualifications. Doesn't really matter, though. I like the weather in Florida."

"You don't have weather in Florida. You just have hot and hotter," I said.

"Yep. It's nice. It gets cool sometimes, though. They've even gotten snow in Jacksonville."

"Yea, and we have hurricanes here," I smirked.

"So if you just want an econobox, why not get something like a Ford Festiva?" Justin smirked.

"The Golf is hardly an econobox. I just don't need or want a luxury car."

"How about a minivan? It's smaller and you really only use your car when you're carrying a bunch of stuff. It'd be perfect for you," Justin teased.

"How about a Mercedes A-Class?" Charlie suggested.

"I can't afford a Mercedes," I said.

"What's the A-Class? I'm not familiar with that class," Justin said.

"Maybe they're not available here. It's like a minivan, but more stylish and smaller," Charlie explained. "They're really not that expensive. My uncle bought one. I think he said he paid £22,000."

"Well since they aren't available here, that's not an option, and it's still expensive. That's like over $30,000, isn't it?"

"Somewhere around there. It sounds less in pounds," Charlie smiled.

"Are you guys still going to play soccer today?" I asked.

"Probably," Justin said.

"Could you take Jonny with you, if he wants to play?"

"Take me where?" Jonny mumbled as he stumbled into the kitchen.

"We're going to Spanish Harlem," Charlie said.

"We're gonna play soccer," Justin said and gave Charlie a shove.

"Except those two twats who are going car shopping," Charlie said with a smile and gestured towards Michael and me.

"We said we'd play tomorrow," Michael said.

"What about Danny and Lance?" I asked.

"They're probably still shagging," Charlie said.

"The Brit has quite an attitude this morning," I said.

"It's my time of the month," Charlie smirked.

"I need some coffee," Jonny mumbled as he went to pour himself a cup.

"What time did you get to sleep?" I asked.

"I think it was around five."

"So'd you like the book?"

"No. At least not last night. It was too hard to read. I found another one that was really good, though," Jonny said.

"Which one?"

"'The Dharma Bums.'"

"Figures you'd like a Beat author," Michael teased.

"Huh?"

"Kerouac was part of a group of writers called the Beats. I think he coined the phrase, actually," Michael explained.

"Oh. You're not funny. It's a cool book, though," Jonny said.

"What's it about?" Justin asked.

"This guy and his friend traveling around and learning and experiencing stuff," Jonny answered.

"That could be just about anything."

"Well, that's what they do. It'd take forever to tell you everything that happens. You can just read it yourself when I'm done," Jonny countered.

"Your book?" Justin asked me.

"Yea."

"We're gonna go to a bookstore before I leave. I want you to find me a bunch of good books to read while I'm on the road," Justin stated.

"Are you asking me, or telling me?" I said.

"I'm...requesting," Justin smiled.

"Okay. Maybe tomorrow."

"Nope. We're playing football tomorrow," Charlie said.

Michael and I took the train out to Long Island to look at cars. After about four hours and a few dealers, and then a half-hour haggling, we drove back in a dark green 1999 VW Golf. For the prerequisite ride in the new car, we drove everyone to the theater to drop Michael and Charlie off. I also dropped Danny, Lance and Justin off at Joey's grandmother's apartment where they were meeting the rest of the guys for dinner.

I just read when I got home and Jonny cleaned house. He didn't seem to be enjoying it, but I know he wanted to make his phone call to Gareth.

Michael was fuming when I went to pick them up that night.

"What's up?" I asked at Michael's nasty looks at Charlie.

"Ask the Brit."

Charlie started laughing, as well as most of the rest of the cast still there.

"Care to explain?" I asked.

"Charlie decided it would be funny to chew on a piece of garlic before our makeout scene," Michael said and shot another nasty look at Charlie.

I knew he wanted me to be mad, but I thought it was hilarious and couldn't help but laugh.

"It's not funny. I lost character and almost choked," Michael said.

"It is funny and you're mad you didn't think of it first," I said and gave him a quick kiss.

"I am not. He made me break character," Michael pouted, though it seemed like he was trying not to laugh as well -- everyone else was laughing.

"Did the audience notice?" I asked.

"I don't think so, but I could see his eyes get wide from the booth," Lisa laughed.

This caused another round of laughter.

"Now let that be the end of the pranks on stage. Understood?" Lisa said in her Stage Manager voice.

Everyone nodded or said okay.

"Where's Jonny?" Michael asked.

"He's at home doing something online. He cleaned tonight."

"Good job?"

"Not bad."

"Let's go home. I need to brush my teeth another couple times and think of a revenge," Michael said.

"You do remember the cold water shower a week ago, don't you?" Charlie said with a smile as he stepped between us and put his arms over our shoulders.

"So when does Jonah get his?" Michael asked.

"Thanks for the loyalty," I said sarcastically.

"You're welcome," Michael smirked.

"It wouldn't be right to tell, now, would it?" Charlie smiled.

Sunday morning was calm and sleepy with a light drizzle outside, until Charlie burst in and told us to get up so we could go play soccer. No wonder there was an American Revolution.

After the annoyance of being dragged out of bed to kick a ball around in the rain was over, it was pretty fun. Danny and Lance somehow got out of it and were nowhere to be found. When we got back a couple hours later we were all soaked to the bone, muddy and exhausted. Everyone took a shower and a nap before we made dinner and Michael and Charlie left for the theater.

"Can I call Gareth now?" Jonny asked after Michael and Charlie left.

"It isn't too late there?"

"No. He said I could call until midnight there and it's only eleven."

"Okay. Go ahead."

Jonny pulled out his Journal, picked up the phone, and dialed the many numbers to make an international call.

"Is Gareth there?" Jonny asked. "Hey. It's Jonny... Really good?... Don't tease. Just tell me... Yea... ARE YOU SERIOUS?!... Hell yea I'm excited... When?... This is just so cool..." Jonny continued.

I left him in the living room and went to read in my bedroom. About an hour later he burst in and hopped up on my bed.

"Guess what? Guess what?" Jonny said excitedly.

"You've been eating sugar straight out of the bag again?" I laughed.

"Dorkus. Gareth is coming to New York!" Jonny yelled.

"Great. When and how?"

"His dad has to come for work and is going to stay an extra week. Gareth begged and he said he could come too. He's gonna be here two whole weeks and his dad already said we could hang out and stuff while he's doing work. They get here Saturday morning! I'm so excited!" Jonny rambled a mile a minute.

"So you're not sure if you want to see him, huh?" I smirked.

"No. I'm not sure if I can survive the six days 'till he gets here."

"Wow. You weren't this excited about Justin," I teased.

"I didn't know Justin and I didn't know I would be meeting him. You can't even compare it."

"You know, 'NSYNC is heading back on Sunday afternoon. We're gonna have a going away party here Saturday night."

"Can Gareth come to it? He knows that he can't tell anyone about stuff he sees."

"I don't have a problem with it, but you'll have to ask Lance. You'll also have to ask his dad. If they're flying in that day they're probably going to be tired."

"I'll ask Lance when he gets back tonight. If he says yes can you talk to Gareth's dad?" Jonny pleaded.

"Does he know about you?"

"Yea. Gareth tells his dad everything. They're really close. He already said we could hang out, but I know he'd want to meet you before he'd let us hang out without him being around."

"Okay. I can talk with him."

"Thanks," Jonny said happily and gave me a hug.

"So what are you guys going to do while he's here?" I asked.

"We'll do some tourist stuff like the Statue of Liberty, probably. He hasn't been here before. I wanna go see the show with him and hang out at Beowulf. I don't know. We'll just be around each other. It really doesn't matter what we do."

"I totally understand," I smiled.

"I can't wait," Jonny said and bounced off the bed and back to the living room.

I went back to my reading, though it was a bit difficult to get back into "End Game" after that. We went to pick up Michael and Charlie at the usual time. Jonny was still excited and told both of them as soon as we walked into the theater. They laughed at his giddiness.

A few days later.

"It's me... Yea... Can you get your dad so Jonah can talk to him?... Okay... Hi, Mr. Morris... Much better now, thanks... Yea, I'm really excited, too... Okay. Here's Jonah," Jonny said and handed me the phone.

"What's his name?" I whispered to Jonny.

"Roger."

"Okay," I said and took the phone. "Hello. This is Jonah."

"Hello, Jonah. This is Roger Morris."

"Hello, Roger. I'm not sure how much you already know..."

"Not enough and more than I'd like," Roger laughed.

"Okay. Well here's the story in a nut shell. I'm Jonny's legal guardian for the summer."

"Yes, I'm aware of the problems he's been having at home. Messy situation."

"Definitely. So I'm having a party for some friends who are leaving town on Saturday evening. Jonny, of course, would like Gareth to be there."

"Not to mention Gareth wants to meet that singing group he listens to," Roger laughed. "What type of party and what type of people are they?"

"Well, it's not going to be a drunken drugfest with groupies running in and out. The guys are all mostly respectable. There will be alcohol here, but not for the kids. It's mainly just a group of friends getting together for dinner. They'll both probably be bored."

"I seriously doubt that possibility."

"Of course we would meet you beforehand, and you could come here and meet everyone if you like."

"Of course. I insist on it. What would the sleeping arrangements be? I assume it's going to go late into the evening."

"Probably. We could take him back to the hotel early if you're more comfortable with that, or he can sleep here. They'll probably just have sleeping bags on the floor. There are going to be lots of people around, so they won't have much privacy, if that concerns you."

"Only slightly. I trust my son, but I remember being 16 as well," Roger laughed. "Well, I think everything else can be sorted out when we meet. Will you be dragged to the airport to meet us as we leave the plane?"

"No. I'll let you get settled in your hotel first. You can call when you're ready. How's that sound?"

"That will work. We'll see you on Saturday, then?"

"Yep. Good bye."

"Cheers," Roger said and hung up.

"So?" Jonny asked me anxiously.

"He said 'no fuckin' way,'" I teased.

"Not funny."

"He didn't answer one way or another. I'm sure he wants to meet everyone before he makes his decision."

"It's not like we don't know each other."

"Yea, but I don't know them, and they don't know me. For all they know you could be a fifty year old, overweight, pedophile. Same things goes for them."

"I already know he is who he says he is, and he knows I am who I say I am. We traded t-shirts and took webcam shots in them."

"Good. You're still gonna have to wait to see," I said.

"You're letting this guardian thing go to your head," Jonny said.

"I already said he could stay over. It's up to his dad, so don't get pissy with me."

"Sorry. I just really want him to come and to be able to stay the night."

"You're not going to have any privacy."

"So. It's not like we're gonna have sex."

"That's right."

"Just 'cause I'm a normal, horny, 15 year old doesn't mean that I'm gonna have sex with just anyone."

"Since when is Gareth 'just anyone?'"

"He's not, but... We're not gonna do it. Okay?"

"Yea. I don't have a problem at all," I shrugged.

"It's alright if we kiss, isn't it? I mean, not that we're gonna, but just in case we do."

"Yep. You can kiss and hug all night long, just as long as your zipper stays shut."

Jonny blushed. "Yea, okay. I can go out with Gareth during the week, can't I?"

"It'll depend on his father and what I think of them. I don't see a problem, though, as long as it's during the day and I know where you're going," I said. "Yes, I know you know Chicago, but you don't know New York," I added before Jonny could protest.

"You could give me a map," Jonny said hopefully.

"And you would look like a tourist and be a target if you went into the wrong neighborhoods."

"Just highlight the safe ones."

"We'll see. Don't you have a book to read?"

"Yea, okay," Jonny sighed and flopped down on the sofa as Michael walked in.

"Hey. What are you doing home?" I asked.

"I live here," Michael said as he dropped his bag.

"Dork," I said and gave him a kiss. "What about the show tonight?"

"In your own little world, aren't you?" Michael teased.

"Huh?"

"You know we're running in rep, right? The second show opens tonight and runs through Tuesday. I'm off 'till Wednesday," Michael explained.

"You're right. I am in my own little world. I totally forgot about the other show. When is it running after this week?"

"They run Sunday through Tuesday and we run Wednesday through Saturday."

"I don't think Charlie realizes that. He was complaining about having to leave in the middle of the going away party to do the show on Saturday," I said.

"Maybe we should just let him keep thinking that after what he did Saturday night," Michael smiled.

"I'm going out on the fire escape," Jonny announced and left with his journal in hand.

+++ Jonny's Journal +++

Everyone said it was okay for Gareth to come to the party, except his dad. Jonah even talked to him, but he wouldn't say yes or no. Maybe his dad is afraid we'll be doing drugs or having sex. I don't think anyone here does any drugs, but I haven't asked. I think Jonah would be mad or disappointed if he knew I'd smoked pot. I only did it that one time and it made me sick, so it's not like I'm a big drug addict or anything. I've though about the sex part, though. I don't think we will, but if I were going to, it would definitely be with Gareth. I'm kinda nervous that we won't like each other in person. Yea, I know that's stupid 'cause we've known each other for almost two years and have talked about everything and sent pictures back and forth. But what if? What if we don't have anything to talk about? Great. Two more days to worry about it. I don't really want to see Justin and Lance leave, but I want Gareth to get here. I guess I'm also worried that we'll get along great and want to be together, but then he'll have to go back. It totally sucks rotting donkey dicks.

I need to stop thinking about it. Just let it happen. Just let it happen.

++++++

Comments welcome and encouraged. jm_stories@yahoo.com