Just Together

Disclaimer: This story is fiction. It makes no claims to the true personality or sexuality of anyone involved. You already know if you shouldn't be reading this.

------------------ Just Together by jm_stories ------------------

Chapter XXV

=-=-=-=-=-= Jonny =-=-=-=-=-=

*** [ 2/11/02 ]

"So when did you know you were gay?" Riley asked me. We were at Wilder Cafe after school.

"Always," I said.

"You did not always know."

"Not that I was gay, but I knew I liked being around guys more than girls."

"Duh. I mean when did you know that it meant you were gay?"

"Um, I don't know. It was kinda gradual. I mean, I didn't just have one moment when I said, 'Oh. So I'm gay.' What about you? When did you first know?"

"Um... I think it was when I was twelve. I was at a party and everybody was playing Spin-the-Bottle. It was, like, you had to kiss who the bottle landed on, no matter what," Riley explained and then started laughing. "There was this one time when Mark's dog ran into the room and grabbed the bottle when Jake Johanson spun it. He had to kiss the dog."

"So this Jake guy kissing a dog made you realize you were gay?" I teased.

"Noooo. I got to kiss guys and girls. I really liked kissing the guys, but didn't feel anything with the girls. It made me feel weird and I looked at a bunch of pictures of girls trying to make myself get excited, but they only did anything for me if there was a guy in the picture."

"Yea, I know what you mean. I tried that, too. Didn't work," I shrugged with a smile.

"So when did you know for sure?"

"I don't know. Honestly. I didn't really think about gay or straight, just guys and girls. I looked at porn and read a bunch of gay stories. It was just like I was gay, or at least doing gay things. I didn't really think about giving myself the label until I started writing stories. It wasn't really difficult or anything then. I'd just write stories and chat online. I didn't really worry about it until Gareth and I started talking about coming out," I said.

"Who's Gareth?"

"Gareth's, like, my best friend -- well, my best gay friend, or online friend or something. I mean, Adam is also my best friend, but I can talk with Gareth about stuff that Adam just doesn't get."

"Gay stuff."

"Mostly, yea. We both came out at the same time and prodded and supported each other through it. His mom died a long time ago and he lives with his dad, but his dad was really cool about it."

"What happened with your folks? I know you said your dad hates you," Riley said.

"Well, I knew that Dad hated fags, but I thought that he'd get over it since I was his son. You know, maybe he'd be mad at first, but he'd get over it. Anyway, I told my mom first and I think she was okay with it, herself, but she was really afraid about how Dad would react and begged me not to tell him. At first I wasn't going to tell him -- at least until I was out on my own."

"I guess you didn't wait."

"No. He made some comment about fags and I just snapped and told him I was a fag. At first he thought I was joking, but when I didn't back off he totally freaked out and started smacking me around and kicked me out."

"Your mom didn't stop him?" Riley asked.

"She wasn't home. She went to the grocery."

"So what did you do?"

"I ran down to Jeanie's house. She was my best friend in regular life at the time and used to live in Adam's house. She moved to Virginia just after I got back from New York. Anyway, Jeanie knew I was gay already. Mom called to find me after she got home and found Dad ranting. I stayed with Jeanie the next couple days until Dad had cooled down enough to let me come back. He wasn't even remotely accepting, but at least he let me back home. Most of the time he would just ignore me -- if I was lucky. If he was pissed at something or had a few beers, whatever, he'd start being an asshole and/or slap me around."

"Damn. That really sucks. So how'd you get where you are now?"

"I was away a lot when school was in, but after school got out it sucked too much to be at home, so I spent a lot of time here. Mom and Tommy were worried I was doing drugs or something and the Mars convinced them to let me move in there so I'd have a safe place to be that was close. Tommy and Joey took me with them when they were going to New York. I didn't know it at the time, but they were planning on leaving me with Jonah. They came back to Chicago a couple days after we got there and I stayed with Jonah the rest of the summer. I had a great time. It was the best six weeks I've ever had," I said.

"Just 'cause you met all the celebrities?"

"No, not just that. I could be gay and was around gay guys and everything was cool. It was just like life was normal and gay. It was a huge change from home where being gay was a huge issue. Gareth and I also met in person and I had my first real kiss with a guy and more."

"You had sex with Gareth?"

"We just made out and jacked-off each other. Not really sex."

"I'd call that sex. Jacking-off isn't casual."

"It's sexual, but it's not sex."

"Oh. Then we could do that, maybe," Riley smiled.

"Maybe someday, but don't hold your breath," I shot back. "I love Gareth. You're still working your way out of the 'annoying' category."

"Yea, but you think I'm hot, so I know you'll want me sooner or later."

"Pretty confident, huh?"

"Yep," he smiled broadly. "How'm I doing so far?"

"Better than you were, but it's only been two days."

"So if you love Gareth so much, then why aren't you with him? Where does he live?"

"In the UK. We love each other, but I don't think we could ever be a couple," I said.

"Why's that? You don't think he's hot enough?"

"Being hot isn't the most important thing. Pasha was really hot, but he was an asshole. And for the record, Gareth is plenty hot."

"So what's wrong with Gareth, then? Just so I don't make the same mistake."

"If you're being fake, we won't even have a friendship," I said.

"I'm just saying."

"Whatever. Gareth just gets really worked up about little stuff and he's totally geeky about computer stuff. I only care about what I can do with a computer. I know he gets frustrated when I ask him what he thinks is a stupid computer question."

"You can be kinda bitchy, you know that?"

"I know. So can you. Now you tell me how you told your parents."

"I really didn't have much of a choice. When Mark saw those pictures he freaked out and started yelling that he couldn't believe that I was a fag. Sean, my little brother, was in the room went straight to my mom. Mom told Dad. It was like a horrible chain reaction. Within a day, everyone knew, and I didn't have a choice."

"How old is Sean?"

"Twelve."

"Is he a pain? Is he cool with you being gay?"

"Sometimes he's a pain. Sometimes he's cool. He was pretty weirded out at me being gay. It also made his life more difficult when everything came out. He was glad I was moving in the Dad."

"So he hates you now?"

"Kinda. I don't think it's being gay as much as being outed. Like I said, he started getting harassed, too. Guilt by association. We'll see what happens when he visits Dad this summer."

"And how'd your dad take it?"

Riley made a face. "You've met my dad. Nothing phases him. He did the whole supportive talk thing and told me about gay kids at his school. He didn't give names, but I think you were one of the guys he talked about."

"How would he know about me? I mean, he'd have to be blind and deaf not to know I'm gay, but not anything else about me."

"You'd be surprised at how much he picks up on. It's annoying as fuck. He knew I'd been drinking at the party," Riley groaned.

"It really wouldn't take a genius to figure that out -- either that or you were getting laid. There really wouldn't be another reason why you suddenly wanted to spend the night at someone's house after a party," I said.

"Yea, I guess."

"Oh. I just remembered. The first time I really thought about 'gay', though I guess it really wasn't me being gay, but it was when Jonah came out. Tommy and Joey were really shitty to him and calling him a fag all the time and he never came over anymore. My dad was pretty pissed off, too, and would get mad when I'd ask why Jonah didn't come around anymore. I knew being a fag was bad, but not really what it meant. I mean, I was only nine."

"They were mean to Jonah and still took you to stay with him?"

"Joey and Jonah worked out their problems. I'm pretty sure it was Joey's idea to send me to stay with Jonah."

"That's cool. Are you going back there this summer?"

"I don't know. I hope so. I'll have to try to convince Jonah to come get me 'cause I don't think Joey and Tommy would drive me there again."

"Maybe I could go with you," Riley said, hopefully.

"It'll never happen. I don't think Jonah would want two kids there all summer. I don't even know if he'll let me stay there all summer."

"My dad wouldn't let me go, anyway," he shrugged.

"Why's that?"

"'Cause he doesn't know them."

"I guess I can see that. Anyway, I need to get home," I said and stood up.

"Oh, um, yea. Okay. I do, too. I didn't say anything wrong, did I?" Riley said, unsure of himself.

"No. I really need to get home. Dinner is in an hour and I have tons of homework."

"Oh. Yea, okay. Can we do this again sometime? Just sit and talk?"

"Yea. Probably not until the next day off soccer practice, though."

"How about a weekend together?"

"Why? You have a cabin in the woods?" I teased.

"I wish. I mean hang out and talk sometime on the weekend. Just the two of us."

"Maybe," I shrugged.

"You can stop playing hard-to-get anytime now," Riley complained.

"I'm not. I'm just...being cautious. I'm tired of getting used."

"Yea, but you'll like the way I use you."

"Shut up, horn-dog," I shot back.

"I'm not the one who's already had sex with two guys and a girl."

"I've only had sex with one guy."

"Pasha and Gareth. That's two."

"It was just jacking-off with Gareth. Not sex."

"That's still sex. Just 'cause it wasn't blowjobs or fucking doesn't mean it's not sex. If you were naked and touching and ejaculated, then it's sex."

"So if we kept our clothes on it wouldn't have been sex?" I smirked.

"Fine. If you have an orgasm with another person touching you, then it's sex."

"What if you're having sex and your dog runs into the room and starts licking your face as you cum? Did you have sex with the dog? It was touching you while you were coming."

"Depends. With you, definitely," he shot back. "You know what I'm saying. If you didn't think that being naked and jacking-off together wasn't sex then we could have done that already."

"You've barely been out of the closet for two days. How do you figure that?"

"In theory. You told me 'no' because you think it is sex, even if you deny it. It's not like a handshake or a pat on the back."

"'It's like a love handshake'," I goofed from some commercial.

"Wanna shake my hand?" Riley smiled.

"Give it up, already!" I laughed and pushed him away.

"I came out for you. I'm not going to give up that easily. I'm going to wear you down...and then I'm gonna wear you down."

"Dude. Where the hell have you been?" Adam asked me as he walked into my room.

"Um, right here," I said, confused.

"I'm talking about after school. I waited for, like, twenty minutes for you."

"I told you I was going to talk with Riley at Wilder for a little while."

"No you didn't."

"Okay. Sorry. I thought I did."

"You like him now, don't you?" Adam groaned and rolled his eyes.

"Huh?"

"You like Riley now. You get all spacey when you find a guy you like."

"No I don't."

"Yea, you do. You did with Pasha, and you did that night we went bowling and you kept staring at Brandon."

"I don't get spacey. I just think about stuff. I'm not in love with Riley. We were just talking and I've told him at least a dozen times since Saturday that I'm not going to date him yet."

*** [ 2/14/02 ]

"Uh oh. Look who's coming," Adam said and gestured towards Riley.

"Right on time," I smirked.

"Dude. I bet he got you a Valentine. Something really cheesy he made himself with glitter," Adam teased.

I gave Adam an annoyed look and a shove. "At least I'll get one."

"Hey, um...hey," Riley stuttered as he got up to me. He was nervous about something.

"Hey, man," I said and continued walking.

"Um, can I talk to you a minute?"

"I'm outta here," Adam smirked and walked on, saying "glitter" just before he disappeared down the hallway.

"Yea?" I asked Riley.

"Um, hey."

"Hey," I repeated.

"Um," Riley stuttered and then dropped his bag and started digging in it. He pulled out one of those heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, the medium size ones that weren't so gaudy big, and stood up. "Um, I know it's kinda cheesy and all, but, um, I got you this," he said and practically shoved it at me. He was visibly shaking. I don't know what he expected me to do.

"Thanks. It is cheesy, but it's kinda cute," I smiled.

He visibly let out a sigh of relief. "I wasn't sure if you'd get pissed or something."

"Why would I get pissed about getting chocolate? Though I was expecting a hand-made card with glitter."

"You're not serious, are you?"

"No. Just something Adam was teasing me about."

"Oh. Okay. So, um, are you doing anything tonight?"

"You mean besides soccer practice and homework?"

"Oh, yea. Me, too. Um, how about Saturday?"

"Maybe. A couple of us are going tubing Saturday. You could come with us, I guess," I offered.

"Who all is going?"

"Me, Adam, Chris and Matt, so far."

"What time are you guys going?"

"Ten, last I heard."

"Um, okay. Where do I meet you? I don't think my dad can drive me. Can I ride with you?"

"Chris is driving. He's picking us up at Adam's house. Just show up," I said as the bell rang. "Gotta get to class."

"Okay. Cool. I'll see you in last period."

*** [ Sat, 2/16/02 ]

"Come on, Jay. Hurry up. We're supposed to be there now," I complained.

"Shut up. I had to dry my jacket. It was still wet."

"You should have done that last night. I'm leaving now," I said and headed out.

"No. Wait for me. You can't leave without me! You have to take me," Jay yelled after me.

"Watch me," I yelled back and grabbed my inner-tube off the front porch before walking over to Adam's.

"Wait up!" Jay yelled and stumbled after me, dragging his tube.

"Someone's fashionably late," Chris smirked as I walked up to him in Adam's driveway.

"Blame Jay. Is everyone else here?" I said.

"Just waiting on you," Riley said.

"Now I see why I'm invited," Mr. Walker smirked as he took our inner-tubes and put them in his mini-van. "Who's riding with who?"

I looked into Chris' car. It was already packed with guys -- well, Brandon and his little brother Eric, and Matt. That only left the option of squeezing in with Brandon and his brother, or riding in the van. Normally I'd go for Brandon, but I'd have to navigate for Mr. Walker.

"I'm going in the van. Shotgun!" I said.

"Dude. Nice try. It's my van. I've got shotgun," Adam countered.

"It's my van, actually," Mr. Walker corrected and gave Adam a playful shove.

"I'm the navigator for the van. Navigator always has shotgun," I explained and gave Adam a 'so there' look.

"I'm riding with Jonny," Riley said.

"Duh," Jay, Adam and Chris said together.

"Jay can ride with you," I said to Chris.

"Fine with me," Jay said and strutted back to Chris' car.

"How bad is he?" Chris asked me.

"Depends. Pay lots of attention to him and he'll be fine," I smirked and got in the van.

"You sure you don't want to sit next to your boyfriend?" Adam tried from the back seat.

"Not my boyfriend. Nice try, though," I smiled.

"He's still in denial, but I'm wearing him down," Riley said to Adam and then gave me a grin.

"Dude. You can be more annoying with your doting than you were when you were still in the closet," Adam said.

"Not yet, but it's getting there," I agreed.

"All you have to do it give me a chance," Riley said.

"And I already told you, not yet."

"Yea, okay," Riley sighed. "So where is this place? How long does it take to get there?"

"Deer Grove. It should only take a half-hour or so unless traffic sucks," I answered.

"How high is it? There were some great hills for tubing or snowboarding where I lived before. This one place always had a bump near the bottom. The pussies would avoid it, but it was killer to hit it straight on on a tube. Man, you'd go flying," Riley said.

"You can snowboard?" I asked him.

"Yea, on some stuff. I can't do any flips or anything like that, but I can slalom down a hill without wiping out. Can you?"

"Don't know. I've never tried. I've done a little skiing, but usually I go tubing or tobogganing," I answered.

"I've gone skiing," Adam said.

"More like tumbling," Mr. Walker laughed.

"Thanks, Dad," Adam said, sarcastically. "I did better than you. At least I tried the big hill. You were too much of a wus."

"With age comes wisdom."

"Have you ever been tubing?" Riley asked Adam.

"Not on snow. I've done it on water behind a speedboat."

"It's more fun on snow. You don't end up drinking the lake when you fall off," Riley said.

"Adam knows about drinking the ocean," Mr. Walker laughed.

"Yea, well who lost his swimming trunks doing it?" Adam shot back.

"That was on purpose. I wanted to even out my tan," he laughed.

"Uh, huh," Adam smirked and said in a confidential tone. "He was worried he looked like shark bait being dragged behind the boat with his worm showing."

"I'd be worried, too. I don't think I could swim in the ocean, unless it was an area that had a shark fence or something," I said.

"They're rarely a problem," Mr. Walker said.

"Yea, but I wouldn't want to meet that rare problem. Have you been to the ocean, Riley?" I asked.

"No. Lake Michigan is as close as I've gotten," Riley said.

"Yea, right. Lake Michigan is nothing like the ocean," Adam snorted.

"I didn't say it was. It's just the largest body of water I've been in," Riley said.

"Yea, but you can't even compare it. Lake Michigan is fresh water and it's cold as hell. The Pacific is salt water and pretty warm."

"It's only warm where you were in San Diego. I bet it's cold up in Oregon or where ever is close to as far north as this," I said.

"You don't even have to go that far. It's cold in San Francisco," Mr. Walker said.

"Not like Lake Michigan," Adam countered.

"Wanna bet?"

"You haven't been in Lake Michigan yet. You don't realize how cold it is. It's gotta be just above freezing," Adam said.

"No. It's usually around 55iF, I think," I said.

"Too cold for me. I won't ever be swimming in Lake Michigan, then," Mr. Walker laughed.

Traffic was okay and we were soon at the park. There were already a dozen or so cars there and more than twice that many people on the hills.

"Hey, Jonny," Eric smiled as he walked up to me after we'd gotten out.

"Hey," I said and took my tube from Mr. Walker.

Chris started laughing. "Damn! Did you see that?" He pointed towards someone wiped-out half-way down the larger hill.

"What happened?" Brandon asked.

"There must be a bump somewhere. That guy was, like, airborne. He had to have been at least ten feet in the air."

We all watched and another guy went down around the same spot and suddenly flew into the air. He made a good initial landing, but lost it on the bounce and flipped over a couple times.

"Killer," Riley said.

"Sure looks that way to me," Mr. Walker said.

"Don't worry, old man. There are smaller hills for the little kids and geriatric crowd," I teased.

"Old, huh? We'll see," Mr. Walker smiled.

"You going on the big hill first?" Eric asked me.

"Absolutely."

Everyone grabbed their tubes and started the trek up the tallest hill. Brandon got there first and dove down, head first, on his belly. Riley went down a few seconds later. Brandon hit the center of the bump and went flying. He held on to his tube and did a full twist and started another one before he hit the ground on the side of his tube and went rolling. Riley hit the side of the hill and twisted several times -- probably unintentionally -- before landing perfectly and continuing down the hill. Brandon recovered his tube and continued the rest of the way down on his back.

"My turn," I said and went down on my belly. I hit the center and went up without flipping over. I turned around on the tube and held on so I landed butt-down. I bounced pretty hard and pulled the tube to my front again so I continued down the hill on my belly. It was damn impressive, if I do say so myself. I probably wouldn't be able to do it again in a million years.

"Show-off," Brandon said to me as I got to the bottom.

"Pretty damn good, huh?" I smiled.

"I don't know how you did that. That kicked ass," Riley said.

"It was all skill -- and a hell of a lot of luck," I said.

We heard a yell and turned around in time to see Adam lying flat on his back and Eric in the air, clinging tightly to his tube, above him. Adam rolled and just barely missed being Eric's landing pad. He wasn't as fortunate with Jay, who bailed on his tube just as it hit the bump in order to avoid the collision with Eric and went slamming right into Adam. Eric wiped-out shortly after he landed. Mr. Walker slid right by them, sitting in the tube and avoiding the bump entirely.

"So. Only two successful and four wipe-outs," Mr. Walker smirked as he slowed to a stop a few feet away from us.

"Don't forget the one wimp-out," I teased.

"The wimp-out can still walk without a limp," he chuckled and gestured towards Adam, Eric and Jay, who were limping back up the hill. We grabbed our tubes and followed.

We'd all gone down dozens of times, with varying degrees of success at surviving the bump, by the time we left a couple hours later. Jay, because he was so light and the tube was too big from him to get a good hold on it, always went flying and crashed. Riley just acted normal for the whole time and Eric seemed to be my shadow.

We were all wet and freezing and went back to Adam's house. Mrs. Walker was still gone with the monster twins, so everyone came in and got warmed up with mugs of hot cocoa. Mr. Walker went to take a hot shower.

"Hey. Can we talk a minute?" Brandon whispered to me.

"Yea, sure. Where?"

He looked around. "Uh. Can we do it at your place?"

"Yea, okay."

"Jonny and I are going over his place for a few minutes. We'll be back," Brandon said and grabbed his coat.

"Yea, okay," Chris said, confused.

"I'll go with you," Eric said.

"No. Stay here. We'll be back," Brandon said.

"You decide you're gay and in love with me," I teased as we walked over to my house.

"You wish. Sorry. Nope."

"Okay. Then what's up?"

"Did you notice how Eric was practically doting on you all day?"

"Kinda hard not to."

"He's talked about you a lot since you helped him out with Billy Mascow. He's always asking about you and why you don't come over, etc."

"You think he's gay?"

"It's looking that way."

"Has he said anything to you about it? Are you close like that?"

"Yea, we're pretty close, but he doesn't really talk to me about who he likes. He usually just listens to me."

"Okay. So what? You want me to talk to him? See if he's gay?"

"Could you?"

"Yea, I guess. I hardly know him, so I don't know why he'd tell me something he wouldn't tell you -- especially if he's not sure yet or not ready to face it," I said and opened the front door, letting Brandon go in first.

"He might not tell me first 'cause he's probably uncomfortable telling me he likes guys. He knows we're friends, so he should know I wouldn't freak out. Besides, he, obviously, has a crush on you."

"Don't worry. I'm not gonna go there."

"I wasn't...until you mentioned it. Why wouldn't you? At least I know you," Brandon said.

"'Cause I'm not attracted to him and he's your little brother and he's too young."

"Yea, okay. I guess that's better. I mean -- no offense -- I can trust that you wouldn't have any ulterior motives when you talk to him."

"Ulterior motives? Dude, I'm not some freakin' sexual predator."

"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I meant that since you aren't attracted to him, you won't have any tendency to sway him one way or the other," Brandon backpedaled.

"Same thing. Whatever. I don't care. I'm not going to date your little brother."

"Yea, okay. Anyway. You'll talk with him?"

"Why do you think he's gay? Just 'cause he asks about me? Don't you think it could be hero worship or something since I stopped Billy from picking on him?"

"If it were just that."

"What else?"

"I've seen his browser history. He's spent time on some gay sites."

I shrugged. "That could just mean that he's curious. It doesn't necessarily mean he's gay."

"Why do you say he isn't?"

"I'm not saying he is or isn't. I just think you should let him decide on his own and come to you when he's ready. If you confront him with it and he isn't ready to accept it, then he'll deny it. I understand that you want to know and support him, but some things you just have to work out for yourself," I said.

"I know what you're saying, but I also know Eric. He's always tried to be like me or impress me. I think he won't be comfortable being gay since I'm not," Brandon explained.

"Okay. If you think it's better to talk to him now... When do you want me to do it?"

"Today?"

"I guess. Why today?"

"Because we're already here."

"I think you should be part of the conversation, too."

"But he..."

"I know," I interrupted. "I still think you should be there. If he tells me something in confidence, I'm not going to tell you. You're the one who wants to know now, so you'll have to be there."

"Yea, but if he is gay and you guys start talking about gay stuff, I really don't want to be part of it."

"You'll just have to get used to it. It's not like I'm gonna talk to him about sucking dick and butt-fucking," I smirked. "Or hand-jobs."

"You are NOT going to tell him about that," Brandon said.

"Nope, but you should if you think it'll make him feel less like a freak."

"We really didn't do anything. I mean, neither of us came."

"We could try it again," I offered.

"No thanks."

"So if it was nothing, then why are you afraid of telling him?"

"The same reason you didn't want anyone to tell about you fucking that girl."

"Like anyone listened. It was all over the school. Would you want everyone to know the 'nothing' we did?"

"No, and that's why I don't want to tell Eric."

"You think he'd tell everyone?"

"No, but he might let it out. Besides, he's got a crush on you. How would he feel if he found out that I did more with you than he ever will?"

"Yea, I guess that makes sense," I said and then chuckled. "I haven't had a boyfriend, and now I've got two guys who want me."

"You've got more than two who want you," Brandon said.

"You, too?" I smirked.

"Give it up. I'm talking about Seth Burkowitz and..."

"Seth is a girl," I laughed. "He's so girly he makes girls seem butch."

"Definitely. He's always staring at you, though."

"He doesn't have a chance. I like men, not chicks with dicks."

We both busted up laughing. Then Uncle Joe walked into the living room from his office.

"You're back already," he said, a bit surprised. "I didn't hear any screaming or stomping around. Did you lose Jay?"

"Sorry. I'll try harder next time. He's still over at Adam's," I said.

"Who's this?"

"Oh, sorry. Brandon. Uncle Joe. And yes, it's best to call him Uncle Joe."

"Hey," Brandon said and stood up and shook Uncle Joe's hand.

"Nice to finally meet you," Uncle Joe said.

"Finally?"

"He knows about everyone I hang out with," I explained. "Brandon thinks his little brother is gay and wants me to talk with him."

"Dude," Brandon hissed and shot be a look.

"He's a shrink. If Eric gets all weird then he can talk to him," I said to calm Brandon down.

"This is my day off," Uncle Joe said.

"Like that's ever stopped you before," I said and rolled my eyes.

"You can take a card and make an appointment if you think it's necessary," Uncle Joe said to Brandon and went to the kitchen.

"Don't let him fool you. He loves being needed and shrinking people," I said loud enough that Uncle Joe could hear me from the kitchen.

"You talking about my father?" Joey asked as he walked through with his laundry from the basement.

"See?" I smirked at Brandon. "Yea. He was complaining about it being his day off," I said to Joey.

"He's a shrink 24/7. Days off are just days he doesn't get paid," Joey laughed and headed upstairs.

"Who was that?" Brandon asked.

"Joey. You haven't met him before?"

"No. This is the first time I've been inside your house. We'd better call Eric over so we can do this."

"It's probably gonna take a while. Are you going to make Chris and Matt wait for you guys?"

"Fuck. I don't know," Brandon sighed, sounding like he just wanted to get everything over with as soon as possible.

"Are you really okay with Eric being gay, or do you just want to be okay with it?" I asked.

"No. I'm okay with it. I just hope our folks will be okay with it. You know that I'm adopted, right?"

"Yea."

"Okay. So Eric is, like, a miracle kid, or something. He wasn't supposed to happen, but he did. He's the only possibility of carrying on the blood line."

"Do your folks make a distinction like that with you? Make you think he's more their child than you are?"

"No. Not at all. They've always been really cool and treated us equal. I don't know. Maybe I'm just making it more in my head. I just think it might occur to them. It would to me."

"Only one way to find out. If anything, they won't throw him out for being gay. Maybe just not want to accept it."

"That may be even harder for him. You've seen how he gets. Like a puppy yapping around looking for approval and someone to play with him."

"He'll grow up. We all have to. Hell, I've matured a lot in the past year -- so I'm told."

"Oh yea, you're practically an old man, now," Brandon smirked.

"You know what I'm saying. It's not about being old, it's about learning to do things for yourself instead of relying on your folks for everything. It's about becoming your own person."

Brandon gave me an odd look. "You have weird observations sometimes, you know that?"

"Yea, I know," I said as the doorbell rang. I got up to answer it.

"If you two are done jacking-off, I need to hit the road," Chris said as he walked in.

I looked at Brandon to decide what he wanted to do.

"Sorry, man. Go ahead and take off. Eric and I will take the train back."

"Gonna have that talk?" Chris asked him.

"Yea."

"Good luck."

"The train doesn't run in Skokie on the weekend," I said. "You'd have to take the bus or walk to Howard station."

"I guess we can take the bus," Brandon said.

"Okay. Well, I'm outta here," Chris said and turned to go.

"Hey. Can you send Eric over?" Brandon called out.

"No problem," Chris yelled and shut the door.

"Is there somewhere we can talk that will be private? Without people walking through?" Brandon asked.

"My bedroom, though Jay'll probably interrupt. Probably the basement. Joey's doing laundry today, but it'll be less interruptions than anywhere else."

Jay burst through the door five minutes later with Eric and Riley in tow. Eric was just as happy-puppy, and Riley was giving him the evil eye.

"Go play with your boyfriend," Jay said to them and ran upstairs. I think he was talking to both of them. He picks up on a lot for only being ten.

"Hey. You know Chris left without us?" Eric said to Brandon.

"Yea, I know. I told him to. What are you doing here, Riley?" Brandon said.

"I was gonna hang with Jonny," Riley said, a bit defensive.

"I really can't right now," I said to him.

"Oh... Um, okay. I...I guess I'll just catch a bus home. Later," Riley said, upset, and quickly turned to go.

"Call me tonight, if you want," I said.

"Okay," Riley said and shot me a quick smile before walking out the door.

"What's up?" Eric asked, looking slightly nervous now that everyone else was gone and Brandon was being quiet.

I looked at Brandon. He looked slightly ill and gave me a pleading look. I looked back to Eric.

"Um, okay. Let's go down to the basement," I said and lead the way.

"Why?" Eric asked, getting more nervous.

"'Cause we can't very well have a 3-way in the living room, can we?" I joked, trying to lighten things. It didn't work.

"Jonny's gonna talk with you about something. I'll stay up here," Brandon said and sat back down.

"You're coming down, too," I said and gave him a look to let him know that I wouldn't talk with Eric unless he was there.

Eric looked at Brandon. Brandon took a deep breath and got up. They followed me down to the basement and both sat down on the futon, looking at me. Okay. No pressure. May as well just jump right to it and let whatever happens, happen. I took a deep breath.

"I'm not saying you are and I'm not saying you aren't, but your brother has noticed you've been...well... He wants to know if -- and he's totally cool with it if you are -- but he wants to know if you're gay," I said about as eloquently as a stuttering hick doing Shakespeare.

Eric jumped up away from Brandon. "You told him that?! I'm not a fag, you asshole!" He screamed at Brandon.

"Chill out. He didn't tell me you were gay. He just thinks you might be and wanted me to talk to you to know for sure. He didn't do it because he wanted to attack you. If anything, you should feel fucking privileged that your brother cares enough to want to support you. Mine totally freaked out," I said.

"Why should I feel privileged that my brother thinks I'm a fag?"

"What's so bad about being a fag, huh?" I challenged and got in his face. "I'm a fag and you seem to like me well enough. Hell, you've been following me around all day like a love-sick puppy. That's one of the reasons the fag detector starts going crazy when it gets near you." Okay, so that wasn't the most mature thing to say.

"I'm not a fag," Eric pouted and looked down.

"What about all the gay web sites you've been looking at?" Brandon asked softly.

"How do you know? I haven't been going to any gay sites."

"I've seen your browser history, bro. They didn't just get there by themselves."

"There's no sense in denying it. Maybe you're gay and maybe you're just curious, but it's stupid to deny that you haven't looked at those sites," I said.

"So what if I did look at those sites? It doesn't mean anything."

"It means you enjoy seeing a hot guy naked as much as I do," I smiled.

"Why are you doing this?" Eric asked Brandon, just short of crying.

"I'm doing it because I love you and I don't want you to go through what Jonny or Riley went through coming out."

"Maybe you should tell him about that thing," I hinted to Brandon.

"I thought we decided not to mention it?" Brandon said through clenched teeth.

"Yea, but we also talked about not feeling like a freak. I think the other concern is moot right now."

"What are you talking about?" Eric asked.

I looked at Brandon to make a decision.

"It's really not anything. He just thought I should tell you that... Um, I mean... I've, you know, done something before... with a guy, I mean... It really wasn't anything... Just a bet type of thing..." Brandon stuttered.

"What?" Eric asked, as confused as I was by whatever Brandon had rambled.

"He's saying that we felt each other up at a party a while ago when he bet that he was so straight that he couldn't even get an erection near a guy. I proved him wrong and he lost the bet," I explained.

"You two..." Eric said and looked between us.

"It was just feeling each other up. It was more fun for me than it was your brother," I said. "We didn't even cum."

"Jonny! You could have left out the details," Brandon protested.

"What? You're the one who protested that for costing you $60 I could have at least finished the hand-job," I laughed.

"It was just...you know, a joke," Brandon said to Eric.

"Anyway, the point of that is just that even butch straight guys like your brother have done something with a guy, so it's not that weird. If you're curious, then that's okay. If you're gay, that's okay, too. The only thing that's important is that you accept what you are. Denying it is stupid shit that just makes you crazy. Those people who deny it live unhappy lives or end up committing suicide."

"But what if I don't know," Eric practically whispered.

"You do know," I said softly. "You always know. You just don't know if you're ready to accept it. I guess it's kinda confusing at the beginning, but after you figure it out you're just, like, 'duh, it was so obvious'," I said.

"I just wanted you to be okay with it," Brandon said.

"How long have you been telling people I'm gay?" Eric asked.

"I've thought about it for a while now. I've only talked with Chris about it until today."

"He just popped this on me a little while ago. Same as you," I said.

"Yea, he's selfish like that," Eric said.

"What do you mean, 'he's selfish like that'?" Brandon complained.

"I mean that you think everything revolves around you. If you decide you want to know something, then you want to know now. If you want to do something, you have to do it when you want."

"Stop trying to put the attention on me and make it my fault. I'm trying to be cool about you liking guys but you're being a whiny brat -- as usual," Brandon almost yelled and got in Eric's face.

"Oh yea, you're Mr. Cool. Be all cool with your gay brother. Not that your brother told you he was gay. You just decided on your own that I'm gay and spied on me to confirm what you decided. You're the one who's been feeling up guys. Maybe you're the one who's gay," Eric countered, yelling full out.

I stepped between them and pushed them apart. "Why don't you go upstairs, Brandon?"

"Fine. I didn't want to be down here in the first place," Brandon snapped and stormed upstairs.

"God. What an asshole," Eric said as the door slammed.

"He's just upset. Same as you."

"What does he have to be upset about?"

"'Cause you didn't react the way he expected. I think he expected you to be thankful and relieved that he made it so easy for you to come out."

"He wanted a Hallmark moment," Eric snorted.

"Yep. And you gave him a 'Real World' moment."

"He just pisses me off sometimes. It's like he thinks everyone has to do what he says when he says."

"Yea, well you should feel lucky you don't have my brother. When he found out I was gay he refused to believe it. He kept forcing me to go to straight strip clubs and watch straight pornos and shit -- like that was gonna make me straight. You, at least, have a brother who's remotely smart. Mine is strictly remedial. He's not even going to college."

"How old is your brother?"

"He's twenty. He works for our dad doing construction stuff."

"At least he doesn't live with you."

"He did at the time. I moved here and he, finally, got his own apartment," I said.

"This isn't your house?"

"It is now. I'm not related to anyone here, if that's what you mean. My mom and dad live on the next street across the alley. Well, at least until they move. They were gonna move up to Lake Forest, but it hasn't happened yet."

"Your folks kicked you out?" Eric asked.

"My dad did. Anyway, that's all in the past, and this is about you. Are you gay or not?"

"Why do you care? What difference does it make?"

"It doesn't really make any difference to me at all. I'm not gonna date you. I was just trying to help a friend and, maybe, help another gay guy just coming out. If you don't want that help, then fine," I shrugged. "Go home and deal with it, yourself."

"You don't need to be an ass about it," Eric pouted.

"I'm not being an ass about it. If you want to talk about it with someone who understands, then you know where I'm at. Otherwise... go away. I'm not going to force you into anything."

"It's kinda too late for that, don't you think?"

"Whatever," I said and headed upstairs.

"Wait. Where are you going?" Eric called.

"Upstairs. This is a waste of time. I told Brandon he should wait until you're ready."

"But... Wait..." Eric said and followed me.

"What?" I stopped on the stairs and turned around.

"Uh... Nothing. Um... I mean, right now. I can talk to you sometime later if I need to, right?"

"Sure," I shrugged and went upstairs.

"So?" Brandon asked as I walked into the living room.

"He's not ready. I told you you should wait."

"So he didn't tell you?"

"He's not ready. How else do you want me to say it? He's not going to say he's gay or straight right now. Just leave it alone and he'll tell you when he's ready."

"But..."

"No buts. When HE's ready, not when YOU're ready. You're just gonna have to deal with it."

"Some fuckin' friend you are," Brandon snapped.

"What? Fuck you. So it didn't turn out the way you had it planned. Big fuckin' deal. I'm not your fairy godmother here to make your wishes come true. If that's why we're friends, then fuck off," I snapped back.

"I'm going home," Eric said as he pulled on his boots.

"In a minute," Brandon snapped and then turned back to me. "What the fuck is your problem?"

"I don't need your permission or your presence to find my way home," Eric yelled back as he stormed out.

"Get back here!" Brandon yelled and ran to put on his boots. "This isn't over between us," he said to me.

"Yea, actually, I think it is. You just don't get it."

Brandon gave me a look like he was going to fight, and then grabbed his coat and ran out.

"Sounded interesting," Joey said as he walked in from the kitchen.

"How much did you hear?"

"Anything that was yelled -- which seems to have been most of it."

"Yea. I told him he should wait until Eric came to him, but noooo, he just had to do it right away," I ranted and flopped down on the sofa.

"What about you? What would you have done if Tommy had done the same to you?"

"Probably the same thing Eric did: be pissed off and deny it. It's like being trapped."

"So explain that to Brandon."

"I tried before. Maybe again after he chills. You know how psycho older brothers can be."

"Yours in particular. You wouldn't believe the arguments I had with your brother. Shit, sometimes I seriously considered knocking some sense into him with a 2x4," Joey sighed and dropped down beside me.

"I think a 4x12 would have given you better luck," I smirked.

"Too hard to get a good grip for the swing."

"True, but the weight would make up for it."

"That was a good line, by the way. About the fairy godmother," Joey laughed.

"What was that? I don't remember trying to be funny."

"Just a natural smart-ass, then. You said, 'I'm not your fairy godmother here to make your wishes come true.'"

"Did I?" I laughed. "Damn, I'm good."

"I'm disappointed Brandon didn't take the chance to ask you what kind of fairy you were?"

"I think I'd have to be a fairy of the wood, of course."

"Ah," Joey said and gave me a strange look before slugging me on the leg as he stood up.

"Ouch. Fucker," I said and slugged him hard on his thigh as he tried to get away.

"Hey, Chris. What's up?" I said as I answered the phone.

"Hey, man. That's what I'm trying to find out. What the hell happened between you and Brandon? I just spent the last hour listening to him rant and rave, and I still have no idea what about, except it involves you and Eric," Chris said.

"He's a twat. That's what his problem is. I told him that he should wait for Eric to come to him, but he insisted on going ahead with it. Eric got defensive. They yelled at each other and then Brandon yelled at me because I told him to leave it alone for now. He thinks that he can force Eric to come out when he wants. Eric can only come out when Eric wants. He's just gonna feel like he's being attacked, otherwise. Then Brandon said I was a shitty friend because I couldn't make Eric do what Brandon wanted."

"Ah, okay. Now it makes sense. They're not talking."

"Maybe they're just too tired from yelling. Brandon just doesn't get it, and refuses to even try to get it."

"It's pretty typical Brandon," Chris said, casually.

"That's what Eric said. I hadn't experienced it before today."

"You've just been blinded by lust, then," Chris laughed.

"I have not. He's just never acted like that with me."

"Oh, okay. So you're just so wrapped up in yourself that you couldn't see."

"I just can't win today. He's your best friend and you're talking shit about him."

"No I'm not. I'm talking truth. Yea, he's my best friend, but that doesn't mean he's as perfect as I am," Chris smirked.

"Damn. He must be pretty pathetic, then, 'cause that's not a very high standard," I shot back.

Chris gave a fake laugh. "Yea. Whatever. Now that I have a better idea of what's going on I need to go kick Brandon in the head a couple times."

"Okay. Good luck. Kick him once for me."

"Will do. Later."

"Hello?" I answered.

"Jonny?" Riley asked.

"Yep. Hey, man."

"Hey. Can you talk now?"

"Yea," I snorted.

"Why do you say it like that?"

"Sorry. It's not you. I just got off the phone with Chris. Brandon was screaming to him that I'm such an asshole."

"Why? What did you guys talk about?"

"Brandon thinks Eric is gay and..."

"Duh. That's obvious. He's also got a crush on you," Riley interrupted.

"Unlike you."

"You're not interested in him, are you?"

"No way. No how. Anyway, I told Brandon that he should wait until Eric came to him, but he wouldn't listen. Eric freaked out and got pissed off. They both yelled at each other, and then Brandon yelled at me because it didn't go the way he planned. It's been nothing but drama since we got back from tubing."

"Sorry."

"Why? You didn't have anything to do with it. Actually, you were pretty normal today. It was nice."

"Uh, thanks. I guess."

"No. I mean it. You acted just like one of the guys. I could just relax and have fun."

"I make you tense normally?"

"Not tense. Just uncomfortable to have someone so focused on me. It makes me nervous, I guess."

"Sorry. I'll try not to make you nervous."

"Don't try. Just be natural. Just be yourself."

"Okay. Do you want to come over tonight? Watch a movie or something?"

"Um, I don't know. Is your dad home?"

"Yea," Riley sighed. "He never goes anywhere."

"Can you come over here instead? I know he's your dad and all, but watching a movie with the principal would be...uncomfortable."

"Yea, I know. What about at your house? Will there be a bunch of people around?"

"We can watch in my room. Jay may run in and out, but that'll be about it."

"You've got a TV in your room? I don't remember seeing one."

"No, but I've got a DVD player in my iMac. We can watch 'Queer as Folk', or a thousand other things if we invite Adam."

"Why's that? Why would we have to invite Adam?"

"Only if we wanted to watch something else because he's got a huge library of DVDs. You don't like Adam?" I asked.

"I like Adam. I just thought, you know, that we could just hang together. Just us gay guys."

"You know we're not gonna make out or anything, right?"

"Yea, I figured. It would still be better with just us. If you're okay with that."

"Doesn't matter. Adam's already seen 'Queer as Folk', anyway."

"Okay. Just a sec. I'm gonna go ask," Riley said and I heard him asking his dad if he could come over. "How late?" He asked as he got back on the phone.

"I don't know. I can have someone over until midnight."

"How long is the movie?"

"Depends on if we watch the UK one or the Showtime one. The UK one is only three disks. The Showtime one is six."

"Oh. It was a series, right?"

"Yea."

"Okay. Just a sec."

"Okay. I can come over. Dad's gonna pick me up at 11:30."

"Okay. What time are you gonna be here? You taking the bus?"

"Yea, I've gotta take the bus there. Is now okay to come over?"

"I'll be here."

"Okay. See you in a little bit. Later," he said and hung up.

"Hey, man. Who were you talking to?" Adam asked. I didn't know he was here and I jumped. He laughed.

"Don't sneak up on me," I complained.

"I didn't. You want to watch a movie or something?"

"Riley is coming over."

"Why?" Adam asked and made a face.

"We're gonna watch 'Queer as Folk'."

"Oh. I guess you guys want to be alone, huh?"

"You're not pissed, are you?"

"No. We didn't have anything planned or anything. I mean, it's just like you're on a date."

"It's not a date. We're just hangin' and watching a movie," I protested.

"Dude. You're not fooling me. You act like he bugs you, but you keep inviting him to do stuff. You should just accept that you guys are gonna date and get it over with. You'll stop denying it and he'll stop being so annoying trying to get you to date him."

"Well I'm sorry if I'm not moving fast enough with Riley for you. Should we fuck tonight? Would that make you happy?" I snapped.

"Okaaay. Maybe you do need to fuck him or something. Maybe it would chill you out."

"I'd chill out if some straight guy who's never even had a girlfriend would stop trying to give me relationship advice. I've had more experience than you and I still don't know what the hell I'm doing. Can you just let me and Riley do whatever we're gonna do without everyone making bets and telling us what we should do?"

"Who's taking bets?" Adam asked.

"I'm not stupid. I know that Chris and Brandon have a bet going. They bet on everything. I'm sure there's some others in on it, too."

"Whatever, dude. I'll talk to you later," Adam sighed and left.

"Don't suppose you want to talk about it?" Aunt Mary said from behind me and startled me again.

"No. There's nothing to talk about yet and I'm tired of talking about nothing."

"So you and Adam were fighting about nothing?"

"Basically. He's just mad that I'm hanging with Riley tonight instead of him."

"Are you going to his house or is he coming over here?"

"He's coming here. We're just gonna watch a movie. It's not a date and it's not a big deal," I said.

"Then don't be so tense about it, sweetie," she smiled patted me on the cheek. "And watch your mouth while you're in my house," she said and went to the kitchen.

"I'm not tense," I shot back and then ran upstairs to clean up my room. Jay had his crap scattered everywhere. I scooped everything up and shoved it in the closet. I hate having to room with a slob. Once everything looked remotely presentable I got my iMac and speakers in position. Satisfied everything was ready, I washed my face and brushed my teeth. My shirt got wet so I changed that, and then changed my socks, just in case. I was just finishing up when Riley got there. I ran downstairs to meet him at the door.

"Hey. You got here quick," I said.

"I got lucky and caught a bus right away," Riley said.

"You can dump your jacket and boots here. We'll watch the movie up in my room."

"Okay."

"You want something to drink? I can make some hot cocoa or some coffee."

"Um. How about some hot cocoa made with coffee? It's really good," Riley said as he pulled off his boots.

"That'll work. Um, you want to go up to my room, or watch me make our drinks?"

"I'll help with the drinks."

We went to the kitchen and I put on a pot of coffee. Uncle Joe and Aunt Mary were snuggled together on the sofa in the living room watching some old folk movie and said "hello" to Riley as we passed.

"Which one of the 'Queer as Folk' do you want to watch?" I asked Riley as he added the cocoa to the cups.

"I don't know. Which one's better?"

"They're really different. The UK one is more like a long movie. Two of the leads aren't as hot as the Showtime one, but Charlie's hotter than Randy in the Showtime one. The Showtime one is more like a series and more realistic. The UK one has fewer lesbians," I explained.

"Charlie is the guy you know, right?"

"Yea. He's really cool and hot as hell. I don't think they show enough of him in it. You should've seen him last summer when we'd go jogging. He'd be in those nylon jogging shorts -- the really thin ones -- and no shirt. Then once we'd start running he'd get sweaty and... All I can say is, daaamn," I sighed.

"Then let's watch that one," Riley smiled.

"Good choice. I'll warn you that it's kinda difficult to understand the British accent at first -- especially with all the slang."

"I've seen British movies before. I've never had any problem understanding what they were saying."

"Okay," I said and filled our cups with coffee, stirring in the cocoa as I filled. We took our cups and went upstairs.

I pulled out the DVD and handed Riley the case so he could see Charlie's signature on it. I started the DVD and sat back on my bed next to him. He was closer than Adam usually sits, but not touching. He smelled good and I could feel the heat coming off him. I tried to ignore it and focus on watching the movie.

"That's Charlie," I pointed out when he appeared on the screen.

"Him? He's not that hot," Riley said and looked at me like I was nuts.

"That's not a good shot. Wait until you see him naked. He's a thousand times better in person, as well."

"If you say so."

When it finally got to the scene where Charlie was naked and having sex with that old guy, he changed his tune and adjusted himself.

"How about now, huh?" I teased.

"Yea, okay. He looks a lot better naked."

"Told you. Remind me to tell you about the play he was in after this is over."

We watched all of the first disk and decided to wait for another time to watch the others. There were several times I could feel him looking at me. I think I was a little more subtle. I really wanted to kiss him a few times, damn it, but I held back. We talked for a little while and I told him all about "Jack Shine". We were both pretty worked up by the time his dad picked him up -- at least I know I was. I so had to wank before I went to sleep.

-=-=-=-=- Jonah -=-=-=-=-

*** [ 2/14/02 ]

"Do I need to go out tonight?" Scott asked me. We were in the Green Room between classes.

"Uh, I don't know. Do you?"

"I don't know. That's why I'm asking. You guys doing something tonight?"

"Michael's got a performance tonight. Am I missing something?"

"It's Valentine's Day," Scott said like I was dense for not knowing.

"Is it? Shit. Oh well, we both forgot it last year, too. It's too late now."

"You two are weird."

"Yea, I know," I shrugged.

*** [ Friday, 2/15/02 ]

"Hey. I'm going out with a bunch of people to hear some bands. You want to join us?" Scott asked me as I was eating dinner.

"No, thanks. I'm gonna go start building the loft platforms," I said.

"I thought you needed my help with that. How are you going to lift those beams?"

"It's just C-channel, so it shouldn't be too bad. I'm just going to try to get as much done as I can. Maybe I can hang a pulley from the roof girders. I don't think it'll be too bad. If it's too heavy I'll just bolt everything together and wait until tomorrow."

"Wouldn't it just be easier to use wood?"

"Lighter pieces, but it would have to be thicker, and code says it has to be fireproofed lumber. It's more than twice the cost of steel. Besides, it's all cut and drilled and just bolt it together. Little spot welds on the trusses and it's done. Seems pretty easy to me."

"You're gonna teach me how to weld, aren't you?" Scott asked.

"Not tomorrow. You should get it in the shop sometime before the semester is over."

"Not likely. Everyone wants to learn how to weld and there's not that much steel work. Why won't you show me how?"

"Okay, I will -- just not tomorrow. You need to practice on scrap pieces, not on a building that needs to last for a hundred years," I said.

"You'll be dead in a hundred years," Scott smirked.

"And that loft will still be there," I shot back. "Maybe you can weld yourself a bed frame or something. You're not going to learn on my floor."

"I guess, but you're not going to have a bunch of welding to do."

"Probably not, but there will be some in the theater. The ladder to the grid, in particular, is going to need some work."

"Only if Michael leaves town. I know he wants to learn how to weld, too."

"I'll tell him the same thing."

I got to the theater around seven, setup work lights, turned on the space heaters, and started laying out the pieces for the platforms. The steel framing for the platforms wasn't too heavy, but not light, either. I could move the individual beams on my own, but there was no way I could lift them nine feet up. I wasn't about to let it stop me, though. I set up the scaffolding near the wall and tied the platform posts to the posts of the scaffolding. With some rope tied around the beam and looped over the top of the scaffolding, I was able to hoist the beam up to rest on the top of the posts. Pretty easy. After bolting the beam to the posts, I moved on to the next section and had the front loft all framed by eleven. It still had to be squared up and bolted in place, but that could happen tomorrow. I was so pumped at seeing it up that I started the back platform as well. I was exhausted when I got home around 3:30AM and crawled into bed after a quick shower.

"Where'd you guys go?" Michael mumbled as I crawled into bed.

"Where'd who go?"

"You weren't out with Scott?"

"No. I set up the platform framing."

"The what?"

"The framing for the platforms in our apartment. I set them up."

"The steel ones? By yourself?"

"Yea. Still need to be bolted to the wall and squared, but they're up. Night."

"Wait a minute. Why'd you do it by yourself? I thought we were going to do it together tomorrow?"

"I got carried away. There's still plenty to do," I mumbled and fell asleep.

*** [ Saturday, 2/16/03 ]

"Come on. Time to get up," Michael said and nudged me.

"What time is it?" I mumbled.

"Ten. I let you sleep in. Coffee is made. Let's go build our apartment."

"Don't I get breakfast?" I asked as I sat up.

"If you hurry up."

"I hope you have this much energy all day."

"Only need it for a few hours. I've got a performance tonight. Remember?"

"Yea, well that excuse ends pretty soon."

"Closes tomorrow night."

"Good. Then you can help me build every night," I smirked.

"Yep. We'll finally get some time together."

"Damn. How'd you get that together by yourself?" Scott asked as we walked into the top floor.

"Never underestimate the ingenuity of a fool," I said.

"You hurting from all the lifting?"

"No. Not too bad. Just still tired from doing it too late last night."

"What time did you get back?"

"It was almost four."

"I thought he was out with you," Michael said to Scott.

"I asked him."

"So how were the bands? Anything good?" I asked.

"They were okay. The place was packed. Rich Gregory hit on some girl who had a boyfriend. A really big and dumb boyfriend. He almost got his ass flattened. That was probably the most exciting part of the evening. The bands sounded like everyone else," Scott said.

"Oh. Didn't you have a meeting with the HVAC contractor yesterday?" I asked Michael.

"Oh yea. Found out something very interesting. Turns out there is a way to have radiant floors over concrete and use solid hardwood," Michael said.

"How's that?"

"It's newer. It's a wood panel with an aluminum reflector and the tubes run in channels."

"So you want to reuse the floor now?"

"Yea, but only on the lofts. He recommend the poured stuff for the main floors. Said it'll make it easier for you to continue working and have some heat right away. The wood panels can't be left uncovered, so you'd have to do the floor right away if you wanted heat. The poured stuff is also better under tile. The bathroom is going to be tile, so..."

"I thought you wanted carpet in the bedrooms."

"I do. I just really like that floor and would like to use it somewhere."

"We've got five floors of possibility."

"Yea, I know. Okay. Let's get the floors on these lofts," Michael said.

"Not yet. We still need to square everything and lag it to the wall."

"That won't take very long, right?" Michael asked.

"I don't know. We have to drill a ton of holes into brick."

"Okay. Let's get started," Michael said.

Surprisingly, it only took four hours to get both platforms lagged to the walls. Michael even drilled most of the holes.

"Now can we put the joists on and do some welding?" Michael asked.

"Yes and no. We can start putting them up, but I'm the only one who's welding. Yes, I know you want to learn how. No, this isn't a good time for you to learn," I sighed, knowing an argument was coming.

"All you have to do is show me how. I drilled the holes fine, didn't I? I can't learn if I don't do it," Michael said evenly.

"Yes, but you should learn to weld using scrap. If you make a mistake with this, it's expensive and possibly time consuming. You can have it not take, or blow through it, or put spatter everywhere that will have to be ground down before we can deck it. Please, let's not argue about this. I'll teach you to weld, but not right now on this. Okay?"

I know Michael wasn't okay, but after a few seconds he said, "Fine. What can I do?"

"Let's start laying them in place."

Michael left about an hour later for his performance. Scott and I continued with the steel joists and they were all up and welded by 8:30. It was all decked with the subfloor by the time we went home around midnight.

*** [ 2/17/02 ]

"Yea?" I groaned into the phone.

"Hey. It's me," Jonny said.

"Why is Me calling at seven on a Sunday morning?"

"'Cause I wanted to talk and you're never home. I've left you messages and you haven't called back."

"Because I'm never home. What's so important?"

"Nothing is super important. I just wanted to talk."

"Then let me call you back later tonight."

"I know you. You'll be busy with something and forget."

"And I'm still asleep now, so telling me anything will be a waste. Call me Monday at five. I'll be home for dinner before I go work on the apartment. Send me an email reminder," I said and hung up.

"I've found the toilets we're gonna have. You've gotta see this," Michael said as he walked in. I was doing homework.

"Let's see," I said and took the brochure.

"I know it's expensive, but it does tons of shit. It's self-cleaning, has a heated seat, a built-in bidet, and, get this, it raises the seat or lid automatically when you walk up to it and flushes automatically."

"Sounds really cool. I don't think it's $5000 cool."

"Look at it like this: we were going to have a toilet and a bidet. The ones we were looking at would have put those two around $3000 or more, plus double plumbing and space. This is both in one, takes half the space, half the plumbing, cleans itself -- well, for the most part -- and besides that, it's frickin' cool as shit."

"How can I argue with 'cool as shit'?" I smirked.

"Good. I'm glad we agree," Michael smiled.

"Now you'll just have to take another movie just to pay for the toilets."

"I'm working on it. Oh, I want to put cork on the floor in the bathroom, too."

"Cork?"

"Yea. I know it sounds weird, but it's supposed to be really good in wet areas and warm and quiet."

"Why not tile? What about in the shower?"

"Still have to have tile in the shower."

"Is the cork cheaper?"

"Uh, no. It's actually about twice the cost of the tile we were looking at."

"Okay, then I'm reeling you in. I'd really prefer tile across everything in the bathroom. With $5000 toilets..."

"Yea, okay. I figured I'd get one or the other," Michael smiled.

"Nice manipulation. Since this toilet is so high tech, does it flush if the power is out?"

"Um, I don't know."

"How about just in the big bathroom and put a regular one in the other? We don't need two and don't need a bidet in the other bathroom."

"You've already got the space for it."

"How about a urinal instead?"

"Nice idea, but...no. I don't like the way urinals look."

"You really wanted cork? They make it for floors?"

Michael smiled. "Yea. It's really pretty cool. You need to come down to the showroom with me to see some of this stuff."

"Definitely. Especially before we buy two-thousand square feet of anything."

*** [ 2/18/02 ]

"Hey. It's me. Can you talk now?"

"Hey, kid. Yep. I've got a half-hour set aside just for you," I said.

"I'm sure," Jonny said sarcastically. "Why are you so busy? Why aren't you ever home anymore? You weren't this busy last semester."

"Working on our new apartment. I want to get it done to the point that we can move in by graduation in May. Plus, I graduate in May. Lots of work."

"That shouldn't be that hard. People build whole houses in a week. You should be able to build an apartment in three months."

"It's mostly just me doing the work. I don't have a crew of a hundred people."

"You could hire someone."

"Only when absolutely needed. Can't afford it, otherwise. So what's up with you? I assume there's some news since you seem so persistent."

"Yea, okay. So do you remember that guy I said who seemed to have multiple personalities? Riley?"

"Uh, yea. The guy on your soccer team, right?"

"Yea. That's him."

"Did you call him out on the comments?"

"Funny you should say that. I did call him out, and then he came out and declared his love for me," Jonny explained.

"Really, or was he just being stupid again?"

"No, really. Turns out that he got outed where he lived before and got scared back into the closet. He's, like, totally stuck on me and keeps trying to get me to date him."

"Okaaay. That's a big leap. So you don't want to date him? Didn't you say you thought he was cute?"

"He's definitely cute. That's not the problem."

"What is the problem?"

"I don't know. It just feels weird to have someone chasing me -- well, a guy chasing me."

"Instead of you chasing the guy?" I teased.

"Yea, I guess. I've never had a cute guy chasing me."

"And what else about him bothers you?"

"I don't know. It's just... It's just the turn around is uncomfortable. He was one way before, and now he's totally different. How do I know if how he's acting now is real, or if he'll do some radical change when something difficult happens. I mean, he went from a regular guy -- at least I'm guessing that -- to a closet case homophobe to an annoyingly sweet gay guy in love. What if some challenge comes up and he goes all closet case again?"

"What if he does?"

"That's what I'm asking. How do I know he won't?"

"Do you like him?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter if..."

"Do you like him?" I interrupted.

"Yea, I guess," he sighed. "He's okay. It's not like I have someone better in the wings."

"Don't be such a catty fag. If you like him, then give him a chance. If you just like him because you don't have anything better, then tell him no and stay with Rosie."

"Very funny. I'll always have Rosie."

"I'm serious. Don't worry about the stupid what-if shit. If you like him, and he likes you, then give it a chance. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. If it does work, then great. It's better to try and fail than to not try at all."

"Just like you with Michael, huh? You didn't try with him. He had to declare his love for you first," he countered.

"This isn't about me and Michael, and it's not even a valid comparison. We didn't know each other was gay and didn't know how the other felt. You and Riley both know the other is gay and you know he likes you. Now it's your turn to shit or get off the pot," I said.

"Shit or get off the pot? That doesn't make any sense here."

"You're being indecisive and waiting for some sign or something. Yes or no. Give him a chance, or no-way-Jose. I can't tell you how you feel about him. I can only tell you that you need to make up your own mind and then act on it. Don't leave him hanging."

"Once again, you make everything sound simple," Jonny groaned.

"It is simple. Once again, you make everything more difficult in your head than it really is. Being in a relationship is hard work. I know it seems like it's all always wonderful, but it's not."

"Except you and Michael. You never fight."

"Yea, right," I snorted. "We argue plenty. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It's happening even more since we started the remodel. He can't build at all and is mostly a danger to himself. He wants to, though, and gets frustrated that he can't and frustrated with me because I can and because I don't have any patience to teach him how. Anyway. Trust me: we argue."

"You guys aren't gonna break up, are you?"

"No. Not yet. We're still arguing, so everything will work itself out."

"What do you mean?"

"It means we're still talking. When you don't care enough to argue or talk things out, then it's over," I explained. "Arguing is annoying and a hassle and sometimes just sucks, but it's not constant. It'll settle down when this is over."

"You could call me to talk about it, you know," he offered.

"Talk about what? It's just life. I can bitch to anyone."

"Why are you being pissy? You can talk to me about stuff, too."

"I'm not being pissy. I'm just saying that there's no reason for me to call you to bitch. I tend to let stuff out right away, so I bitch to whoever is around at the time."

"You never bitched to me when I was there."

"Well, I'm bitching to you now and it's about you. If you want to call and talk, cool, but don't expect me to save up everything to tell you. We're not girlfriends. Anyway, you called to talk about you and Riley -- unless there's something else..."

"No. That's all I really wanted to talk about," he muttered, sounding a little hurt.

I sighed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. You're just dismissing me."

"I'm not dismissing you. I'm just telling you how it is. Maybe I'm being a bit short with you, but that's how I feel this semester. I've got too much going on so my patience is about nil."

"Yea, okay. I guess I understand."

"Okay. I need to get going. Start framing the walls tonight. I'm meeting Michael there in ten minutes."

"You're just starting the walls?"

"Just got the plans approved last week."

"Okay. I'll let you go. Later," Jonny said and hung up.

"You know, you look hot like that," Michael said as I walked into the theater.

"Like what?" I asked, confused.

"Like that. Dressed like that."

"I'm dressed like I always dress."

"Then I'm just telling you about it now. Black wool pea jacket. Black stocking cap. Worn white wool sweater. Faded jeans. Scuffed-up black steel-toe boots... Hot," he smiled.

"Okay. Thanks, Mr. Horny," I teased and took off my hat.

"Oh. Now the effect is destroyed," he sighed sadly.

"All things must change. Did the framing show up?"

"Yep. It's there. You need to make some more of those 4-wheel carts or we need to buy some. We're using all of them just for the bundles of framing," Michael said as we walked back to the dock.

"You didn't wheel it all up by yourself, did you?" I asked.

"That would be something you would do," he teased. "But, no, it's all in the dock. I just had the driver put them on the carts so I could push them inside."

"How far did they get with the block walls?" I asked. The walls between apartments and between the stairwell and apartments is going to be a lightweight concrete type block that we were having a contractor do. It was fireproof, soundproof, could be notched for conduit and faced with OSB on both sides so drywall could be screwed directly to it. They were doing all the apartments at once because it was significantly cheaper to rent the concrete pumper truck once.

"Not anything you can tell. They just have a bunch of pallets of the blocks on our floor and something on the floor to lay it all out. Jim, the foreman, said they'd get to stacking the blocks tomorrow for our floor. I thought it was supposed to go up quickly."

"There's a difference between quickly and instantly," I teased him as we muscled the first of the 10' bundles into the freight elevator and up to the top floor. It took a while. We got as far as setting the base plates -- just as far as the contractor had gotten -- before quitting for the night.

It took us a week to get all the walls framed. It went pretty well despite Michael and Scott teasing me about being so anal about everything being perfectly square, and Michael doing his best to cut off his fingers. I banished him from the saw and all sharp edges. The walls being up made a huge difference and it actually felt like we were getting somewhere. Once that was done the plumbers came in and roughed in everything. It only took them two days -- though they did have a couple people on it and it went fairly quickly once they got the holes cut in the concrete floor. Everything passed inspection and I started the electric rough-in on the 28th. I had it done by Tuesday only because I worked on it all weekend. Michael was actually helpful and didn't hurt himself once. The real test came when I turned on the main breaker and nothing snapped, crackled, or blew up. I only installed a few outlets and some generic utility lights -- they all worked perfectly. The inspection passed and the HVAC contractor started his stuff the same day. Even with a decent sized crew, it took over a week to install the boiler system, run the heating pipes to all the floors, run ducts, install the radiant tubing and install the air handlers. The air conditioner would be added later and all of them would be added at once because they planned to set them on the roof with a helicopter.

I couldn't do anything while this was happening, so I focused on getting ahead in my classes. Michael was going crazy with choices for flooring and cabinets and counters and appliances and every other finish item you could think of. The plan pretty much changed daily. The counters, alone, went from granite to butcher block to concrete to some fake stone stuff to stainless steel to Corian, finally settling on a mixture of Corian and butcher block -- subject to change, of course.

Justin dropped by for a couple days around 3/14 and decided he wanted 5A, the studio apartment. One sold.

*** [ Monday, 3/18/02 ]

"Come on. The drywall's gonna be delivered at seven," I said and pulled Michael out of bed.

"Why so early?" He mumbled.

"You know why so early. My first class is at ten and they don't deliver after three. If you want to meet them and carry everything up by yourself next time, then we can schedule it later. Now get dressed."

"I'm glad I'm not one of your slavecrafters," he grumbled as he pulled on his pants.

"So am I. I'd only be able to have you cleaning up and sweeping floors."

"And carrying things," Michael added.

"And carrying things, but no saws."

"I can screw," he smirked.

"I know. Hopefully you can screw drywall, too."

"Sounds kinda painful," he cringed.

"With you doing it, it probably will be," I teased and headed for the kitchen.

"Hey. There's coffee left. Later," Scott said as he headed out the door.

The delivery truck was backing into position by the time we got to the theater and got the dock door open.

"Shit. Is that all for us?" Michael asked.

"Yep."

He gave me a hesitant look, and then looked back at the elevator. "Are you sure they'll fit in the elevator?"

"Just," I said and pulled together all the four-wheel carts since we couldn't fit the forklift we'd rented into the elevator and would have to put the pallets on carts to get them in the elevator.

"You expecting some drywall?" The driver said as he walked up to us, clipboard in hand.

"300 sheets," I said.

"Where do you want me to put it? You have a forklift?"

"Yea. Just put it on the end of the dock and we'll pull it inside," I said. The driver went to work unhitching the forklift from his truck. Michael still looked shocked and I gave him a nudge.

"That's a shit-load of drywall. Is that for everything?"

"On the top floor," I said and went to get the forklift.

"Is there going to be enough room for the rooms, or is it all going to be drywall?"

"You'll be amazed at how quickly it disappears. Can you stand near the edge of the door to make sure I don't hit it?"

"I want to drive the forklift for some of it."

"You will. You can drive it when we're loading the carts."

"You're not going to let me drive it now?" Michael asked, a little pissed.

"If you really want to, but it's a tight squeeze through the door and I have more experience. It's not like driving a car."

"You're treating me like I'm incompetent, again."

"No, I'm not. I'm doing what I'm better at. If you had more experience you could be better, but this isn't the time or place to get that experience. You don't go from not driving at all to driving in a race. Squeezing 12' pallets of drywall through a doorway that is 12'-6" isn't easy."

"Fine. Whatever. How much do you think those weigh?" Michael sighed and changed the subject.

"The sheets are 125lbs each," I said continued on my interrupted trip to get the forklift. The driver was just pulling off the first pallet.

"Each of those bundles is 5000lbs, then," Michael said, amazed.

"What?" I asked as I pulled out onto the dock.

"Those are 5000lbs each," Michael repeated.

"What is the elevator rated for?"

"I think it's 8000lbs."

"Maybe we'll send it up by itself in case it blows or snaps something," I smirked.

"What's the forklift rated for?"

"6000. It's safe."

"Planned it that way?"

"Lucky guess," I shrugged.

An hour later we had all ten bundles inside. It was very slow going squeezing through the doorway.

"Remember that the lift for the drywall is being delivered at two," I told Michael and gave him a quick kiss before heading to class.

"I will."

"So what's the plan today?" I teased Mike, the TD, as I walked into the shop.

"You're enjoying yourself too much, Jonah. I should make you TD of the studios again just to wipe that smirk off your face," Mike shot back.

"Can't do it, anyway. You only get the pleasure of my presence for ten hours a week this semester," I smirked.

"Damn seniors," he grumbled.

"Yea, well this damn senior has a building to remodel and a theater to establish."

"Rub it in. How's it going?"

"Pretty well. Just got a bunch of drywall this morning."

"You're already drywalling?"

"Just the top floor apartment. I've hardly touched anything below the top floor."

"Good luck. I hate drywalling."

"So I guess that means you aren't going to be stopping by to help. I'll even buy the beer," I said.

"Tempting, but you couldn't pay me enough. Talk to Kolya. I think I remember him saying that his family business is doing plastering. Since you're going to be working with him today, it should be easy."

"Talk to who? Kolya?"

"The kid who's been working on that sculptured staircase for Steve's set," Mike explained.

"Ah, okay. What am I doing with it?"

"It's been changed. It now has lighting inside."

"Um, isn't it a bit late for that? It's a solid shell. Starting over?"

"Fiber."

"You're kidding? Please?"

"You said you wanted to do more with fiber," he tried.

"Yea, like three years ago, Mike," I complained as he handed over the revised plan of the sculptured staircase with the fiber lighting points indicated. There were a lot of points. I gave him a nasty look.

"I know. I already bitched about it to Steve. You can take two 'crafters."

I looked over the plan more closely. "Do you realize he has four separate fibers in each of the gargoyle's eyes? On separate sources? Doesn't he realize how fiber works?"

"I saw. They're to make the eyes glow brighter in places."

"Okay. How about four 'crafters? It'll go faster in teams with one person inside and one outside."

"Two is all I can spare. Sorry." Mike shrugged. "But you can pick them. Kolya will also be helping."

"Can I make a change?"

"What is it?"

"Use the three strand, or the seven strand and go to one source instead of trying to place and hold four individual strands and keep them separate."

"Do it. Use the seven."

"Yes, boss," I smirked and headed to find two slavecrafters.

"Hey, Jonah," Scott said as he walked in.

"You're one," I said and pointed at him.

"I'm one what?"

"One of the poor suckers who got stuck with a Jonah job," Wade, another slavecrafter, laughed.

"And you are two," I smirked at pointed at him.

"What? No way. I'm supposed to be..."

"Working with me," I interrupted. "Mike told me to take who I wanted. You're sitting on your ass, so... You're it."

"What are we doing?" Scott asked.

"Follow me," I said and headed to the lighting supply cage. I had Scott and Wade roll the spools of fiber to Shop Four while I searched for the rest of the supplies and then joined them.

"Damn. This is cool. What are we doing?" Scott asked from his inspection of the stairs as I walked in.

"Wiring it with fiber. Have you seen Kolya?"

"Who?"

"The sculptor," I said as the far door opened and a guy burst in like he was late for something. He dropped his bag and started pulling off layers of clothes, dropping them on his bag on the floor.

"Sorry. I am late," Kolya apologized.

"No prob. So you know what's happening?"

"I was told. You have plans?" He asked.

"Right here." We looked at the plans together and he frowned.

"So many."

"Yea, I know. Ready to get started?"

"I do not know about such things."

"That's why I'm here," I smiled. I looked over the steps and then explained how we were going to do it. Everyone groaned at the prospect of drilling a hundred tiny holes for the fibers. Kolya and I drilled the holes while Scott and Wade pushed the strands through and secured them from the back.

"So Mike tells me you know how to drywall," I said to Kolya as we were drilling.

"Yes. Is family business. Plaster, too."

"You interested in making some money?"

"That is why I am here. Doing what? You have drywall you need done?"

"A lot of drywall I need done."

"How much pays?"

"I can afford $10 an hour," I said and expected him to reject it.

"That much?"

"I can't afford any more."

"I take it. When you want done?" He said excitedly.

"Really enjoy drywalling, huh?" I smirked.

"Is okay, but money is better. My English not so good. Difficult to find job that pay good."

"Your English sounds fine to me."

"Yes, but not when person talk fast. I can not understand. Accent is also difficult."

"How long have you been in the country?" I asked.

"Since class start in August."

"Well, I'm sure you'll be speaking like a native by the time you graduate."

"Like Indian?" He asked, confused.

"Probably, but I meant like a native speaker. Like American English was your native language, your first language," I explained.

"Ah. Got it. So when do you want done?"

"The drywall was just delivered today, so it'll take me a couple weeks to get it all hung. If you can give me your number before we leave today I'll give you a call when I'm ready."

"Okay."

By quitting time we were only 70% done with the drilling, poking and securing. Probably another day-and-a-half to finish it up.

I didn't have time to work on our apartment until Friday. Even with the jack, the drywall was big, heavy and slow going. Michael and I only got the ceiling put up in the lower parts of the main level.

*** [ Sat, 3/23/02 ]

"Can I talk with you about something and have it stay with you? I mean, keep it confidential?" Scott asked me as we were hanging drywall on the ceiling in the master bedroom on the second level. Michael was out shopping.

"Sure. What's up?"

"Um, Chris is gay."

"Yea. I pretty much guessed that. Okay. That's good. Hold it right there," I said and started driving screws while Scott locked the jack and stepped up the ladder to screw the other side.

"I figured. You've also probably guessed that he likes me, right?"

I gave him a look like it was obvious.

"Yea, okay," Scott conceded.

He was quiet for a few minutes as we both screwed the board to the ceiling and went to load another board.

"Is that it?" I asked as we positioned the next one.

"Not really. What do you think of Chris?"

"He seems like a good guy. Kinda clumsy with paint," I smiled.

Scott laughed. "Yea. He did make a bit of a mess. Karen was ready to kill him."

"I would, too, if he'd dumped a gallon of paint on a drop I'd spent all week painting. Tell him he needs to be kissing some serious ass. She still wants to hang him from the grid and use him as a pi–ata."

"How's he supposed to do that? She snarls when he even enters the same room."

"Coffee and food. Daily. Begging. Good places to start."

"I'll let him know. Anyway, so...um... You think he's okay?"

"From what I know of him. Where is this leading to? I'm not going to sleep with him," I smirked.

Scott smiled. "He's not interested in you, anyway. No. I mean...um...you know... I mean, I know you and Michael think I'm bi or gay..."

"That's just what we observe. It doesn't really matter what we think your sexuality is, though."

"I know. But...um... I mean, I've never been with a guy."

"And you want to?" I asked.

"I think so. Just to try it, at least."

"And you want to try it with Chris?"

"I think so. I mean, he's willing, and he's not all freaky."

"But you don't love him."

"No. I like him, though. I think he's a good friend."

"That'll change if you have sex."

"Why? How?"

"Because it's obvious that Chris likes you more than a friend. He knows he's gay and may be in love with you. You're just testing the waters. It'll confuse your friendship," I explained.

"I guess, but if I explain it to him then he won't be expecting more if I can't give him more."

"I just want to fuck you to see if I really like being with guys. It's nothing personal," I mocked. "Maybe he'll be okay with that, but I'd tell you to go fuck yourself."

"It's not like that," Scott protested. "If I didn't like him I wouldn't be doing it with him at all. I just don't know if I could even be in love with him. I'm not ready to be in love with anyone yet."

"Okay. Just make sure he understands that before you get together, but understand that it probably won't make any difference. He'll still be hurt if you get together and then break up."

"I know, but he'd be hurt if I just told him 'no' and he'd probably stop being friends so he didn't have to see me, anyway. Damned if I do and damned if I don't."

"He's already asked you?"

"No, but I can tell he's getting close. He's trying to work up the nerve."

"Don't do it because you think you have to."

"I'm not. I want to. I think. I just don't know how to do it or even how to start. I mean, if it was a girl I'd just ask her out on a date, but it just seems weird to ask a guy on a date -- especially one who is already a friend. How do gay guys do that?"

"Same as with a girl, I guess. Ask him on a date. If you don't want it to seem like a 'date' date, then don't add that word to it. Just go out and do something together."

"We already go out and do stuff together, so it wouldn't be any different unless we added the word to it. What did you and Michael do?"

"Completely different situation. We are both gay. Both know we're gay, and were both in love with the other. It was friendship until Michael got the balls to tell me he loved me. Then I allowed myself to love him."

"Allowed yourself to love him?"

"Yea. We weren't out to each other. I didn't think that anything would ever come of falling in love with him, so I repressed it as much as I could. Fortunately for both of us, Michael's repression skills aren't as honed as mine," I explained.

"Ah, okay. So you don't think I should do anything with him unless I'm in love with him?"

"I'd think that even if it was a girl, but I know it doesn't have to always be love. I'm just saying you shouldn't fuck with his heart. Don't hold out the possibility of something more if the possibility isn't there."

"But I don't know if the possibility is there or not until I do something to try it."

"Yea you do. You may not want to admit it to yourself, but you know. You always know," I countered.

"That's not true. If it was then people wouldn't date. You'd just meet someone, know they're the one, and get married."

"I'm not talking about 'true love' or 'the one'. I'm talking about the possibility. Dating is getting to know a person because you think the possibility is there. If you didn't think there was any possibility you'd get along with the person or want to sleep with them, then you wouldn't date the person. You never date a person you have no attraction to and find disgusting."

"Yea, I guess."

"Have you fantasized about him?"

"About Chris?"

"That is who we're talking about."

"Um...yea..."

"Doing what?"

"Um...just stuff. I'd really rather not talk about it."

"How do you expect to be able to do it if you can't even say it?"

"I know. It's just embarrassing to talk about."

"Probably more so to do. So what do you want to do with him?"

"Just, you know, like...be together...um...blowjobs, maybe. I'd like to fuck him, but he'd probably want to fuck me, too, and I know I'm not ready to try that," Scott mumbled as he turned beet red.

"Maybe he's a total bottom and won't want to fuck you. You won't know until you ask."

"I think he's too butch to be a total bottom. Aren't they usually girly?"

"Girlfriend, the butcher they are the more they want that meat," I goofed in a campy voice and we both busted up laughing. I totally suck at doing camp.

"Is that really true?" Scott asked once we'd stopped laughing.

"I don't know. I just know I've run into huge, butch looking body builders who were bigger Nellies than most drag queens. It's kinda freaky to hear the voice so incongruent with the body. I usually have to bite my lip to keep from laughing."

"Well, Chris doesn't fall into either category. He's just normal acting."

"When did he finally tell you he was gay?" I asked.

"After he found out about you and Michael. I guess he realized I wouldn't freak out about it and got up the nerve."

"That's probably why he seemed uncomfortable that first time he came over. So how are you going to tell him you're willing to be friends with benefits."

"Friends with benefits?"

"Yea. That sounds like what you're looking for. You want a friend you can have sex with, but not be a couple," I said.

"Yea, I guess, but it sounds so sordid that way."

I shrugged. "It is what it is. So?"

"So what?"

"So how or what are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know. What do you think?"

"You've got basically two ways. You could just tell him outright, or you could be more subtle. Go out and have fun for the evening. Come back to watch a movie or something and get snuggly and kiss him," I offered.

"Do I have to do the yawn stretch arm thing?" Scott smirked.

"If you want. I don't think it's required, but I'll have to check the handbook."

"Where now?" Scott asked now that we had the ceiling in the loft bedrooms done.

"Walls up here."

"Aren't you going to insulate the walls first?"

"Yea. We're not doing the outside walls, just one side of the inside walls so the insulation has something to stick to," I explained.

"Stick to?"

"Yea. We're gonna use some spray in poly-something-or-other. It seals the space completely. The contractor for it is coming Tuesday."

"Ah, okay. I've seen that stuff on 'This Old House'."

"Same stuff, probably. We'd better get the jack down from here while it's still easy."

"It was ever easy?" Scott joked.

"Before we have anything on the walls to bump into."

"Speaking of bumping into, when is the railing going to be installed? It's freaky working on the edge with no railing."

"Any time. I haven't put it on yet because it's easier to maneuver the drywall with it off. We can just pull the scaffolding next to it if it'll make you feel better. We're gonna have to be up on it, anyway," I offered.

"What do we have up high if we're not doing the outside walls?"

"The high ceiling. All the inside walls. We'll put the outside on now. Yes, I know it's gonna suck."

"We need Michael here to do those. Two people hold it up while one screws it in."

"Yea. It will make it easier," I said and called Michael. He was on his way with lunch.

"How are we going to do the high ceiling? The jack doesn't go that high?" Scott asked.

"The thought was that we'd raise the lift as high as we could, transfer a sheet to the scaffolding and hold it up by hand while screwing it in."

"You're a psycho. We'll need at least three people to do that."

"You have a better option? Tell me."

"The lift only goes up 12', right?"

"Yea."

"And the jack goes up 12'?"

"Yep, but the ceiling is at 21'"

"Why don't we put the jack in the center of the scaffolding on a platform and then use the jack? It'll still be a pain lifting them that high, but at least the jack will hold them in place while we screw them in," Scott offered.

"I guess that'll work as well as any other way. We'll have to be careful not to push the jack off the platforms."

"They have a lip on the edges."

"I know, but the wheels on the jack are large enough to roll over that if we're not careful. Want to get it set up so we can be ready when Michael gets here?"

"Let's do it now so he doesn't try to help."

"He can lift and hold things without getting hurt," I defended.

"Yea, okay. I still don't want to be standing under anything he's holding."

"I don't, either," I agreed.

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