Just Dont Think Im Not

By moc.oohay@yeknoMazziPrelliK

Published on Nov 18, 2000

Gay

Hey, this is Chapter Six. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, so that's why it has come along so fast. (IF THERE IS ANYONE THAT WANTS TO PROOF READ FOR ME . . . EMAIL ME PLEASE!!)

You have to be legal to read this. Not my rules but, hey, they're made for a reason. (Now that "No Skateboarding, Rollerblading or Bikeriding" Rule is useless.) SOOO . . . you gotta be at least 18 or whatever The Man says where you live to read this.

Josh Chapter Six: Dis-Association

"I guess I should go now." I said to Josh once Alice was upstairs.

"Yeah . . ." Josh took my hands, "Can't you just stay here for another night?"

"No, sorry, I don't have any clothes for tomorrow."

"We could go by your place early in the morning."

"Sorry, man. You'll see me tomorrow." I walked to the door.

Josh kissed me and I left. Sure, he was sad to see me leave, but I also needed to see what was up with Mel and Sean.

"Hey mom!" I greeted my mom at the door.

"Hey Zach, where have you been all this time?" She asked me, "It's 10:00."

"Sorry mom, I was at Josh's house. His parents came home from Alameda and he wanted me to stay."

"Well next time check in with me, okay? I get worried about you, Zach."

"All right mom," And I headed up the stairs.

"Call Jack and Mel!" She yelled up to me.

Oy, who should I call first? Jack, no Mel, I put my hands on the phone several times before realizing that I was more tired than interested in calling someone. But I wanted to anyway. The phone was still at my ear and it was ringing. Whom did I call? I for someone to pick up, but it just kept ringing. So, I put the one down and told myself to talk to them tomorrow. I'll definatly talk to Jack, but Mel was pretty pissed; I don't know about Sean.

I woke up to me mom knocking on the door, the clock said it was 7:00, time to get up.

"Alright mom! I'm up!" I yelled at her.

My eyes were stinging; the sun was positioned so that it was staring at me when I woke up. No use in trying to stay in bed with that thing glaring at me. For my shower I hooked up the stereo and played VAST's (Visual Audio Sensory Theatre) "Touched" on a loop while I took a shower. I must have been in there for 20 minutes, because the song had looped four times. I got out of the shower, ran some mousse through my hair and was about to call Josh to see if he wanted a ride when I noticed I had a message.

"Hey Zach," Jacks voice, "I was waiting for you to call last night, but I guess you were tired or whatever. Anyway, I'll see you at school."

The timestamp was two minutes past midnight. Sorry Jack. I called Josh and he told me that he would be using his dad's car, a green [Ford] Explorer Sport. That was good, I told him I would be waiting at the gate for him.

"I love you" is the last thing I heard before I hung up.

Oh, shit! I thought, I hung up on him! But after I reprocessed it through my mind again, I realized what he said, "I love you." He probably didn't mean it. I've said that to more than a few girls before. And they've said it back to; it doesn't matter. "I love you" is just a formality; right up there with, "Nice to meet you" or "I lost my phone number, can I have yours?"

I pulled up in the student parking lot and walked towards the gate. Mel and Sean were standing there. Well, they didn't see me, so I could just turn around and go through another gate. But they saw my hesitation, as a mosquito sees blood, they locked on to the scent and saw me. Sean made eye contact with me when I walked past them, but I passed through and didn't say anything. I was sure that they were whispering terrible things about me. "God, what a traitor," or something like that.

Josh hugged me hugged me when he saw me. I hugged him back and looked around for some sign of Mel or Sean. They weren't there; it was just us and five other students who were too wrapped up in themselves to notice two boys hugging.

"Hi Josh," I was sincerely glad to see him. "It's good to see someone on my side."

"Why, what's wrong?" Josh looked into me, "Mel and Sean, right?"

"Yeah, I don't know what to do. I mean, I told them I was cool with you. And then they go and do that they did. And they're probably pissed at me right now. And Mel probably wants to kick my ass. And-" My body started to tremble. I remember losing friends, and Mel and I have been friends for so long, Sean too. But what happens if they never want to talk to me. Did I fuck up by breaking up the fight?

"Ssshhhh," He pressed a finger to my lips, "Don't worry about it. They'll get over it."

His arms wrapped around my waist and we started to slow dance.

"How long have you and Mel been friends?" Josh asked me.

"Since Kindergarten," I told him.

I still remember how we met: my Kindergarten teacher had Mel show me around the classroom, show me the little toys, the easel, the play kitchen, the books. We were friends since then we got along well. I had just transferred in from a different Kindergarten I got kicked out of, if you could imagine. And Mel didn't have very much friends, except for Sean, her little lackey. Sean has had a crush on Mel ever since Kindergarten. He's not as devoted now as he was in second grade. Mel had proclaimed herself and me the Kings and Queens of Second grade. She had also somehow convinced Sean to be the Royal Court Jester. We treated him like shit: bark like a dog, splash water on the girls, chase the girls, tell Amanda you like her.

The amazing part was, he would always come back. After he got in trouble, went to the teacher and took all the blame, he came back. That's what drew us in I guess. We stopped treating him like that after third grade; we grew out of it. Sometimes he would revert to those years and be helpless without our commands. He never wanted to grow up. He was always the Peter Pan of school. And now he's on the football team, taking shit from different people.

" . . .Worry about it." Josh's voice brought me back, "They'll come around."

We were stopped, still holding each other in the middle of a rotunda.

"Yeah," I said back to him, "I guess they are friends that will come back. We've known each other for way too long."

"Let's get to class now." He kissed me on the nose; my whole body went warm and tingled.

Wow. "I love you, man."

"I love you too, Zach. Now, com'on, before 'last bell' rings."

William Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet". I think everyone in our English class has seen the movie, which is the total Urban Version. Ms. Anderson handed us all our books and a reading syllabus. We were supposed to read the book in a month, no problem. She sold us the book for the rest of class.

"God, I thought she was never going to stop!" Josh said to me at passing time.

"Yeah," I said back, "How many times did she have to say it was a classic love tragedy? I mean, everyone here has seen that damn movie whether they want to admit it or not."

We both laughed and said our goodbyes before we headed off to our separate Science classes. Another syllabus from Mr. Humphrey, we were to learn about genetic mutation and it's causes, great. A syllabus from Mr. Green for social science we were learning about the embargo with Cuba. P.E. was just wrestling, basic holds, no WWF stunts. That was fun; I got to wrestle around with Josh. I'm stronger than he is, by a little bit.

Jack came up to Josh and I while we were eating lunch.

"Hey Zach!" Josh called out to me. "Is that Josh?"

Josh's ears perked up when he heard his name.

"Hey Jack, " I greeted him, "Yeah. Josh, meet Jack - Jack, Josh."

"Nice to meet you Josh," Jack shook his hand.

"Yeah, nice to meet you too." Josh said back.

Oh yeah, Josh doesn't know who Jack is. "Jack is my best-friend since last year."

"You were right, Zach," Jack squealed, "Josh is soo cute!"

Josh turned red and stopped eating for a second. Probably trying to make a good impression, meeting someone with his or her mouth full of food isn't that great a look.

"Yeah, he is." I replied.

"And you guys are so close after meeting three days ago?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, I guess we just clicked really well." Josh replied.

"Have you guys . . . done the deed?" Jack grinned evilly.

Josh looked into his Sobe for an answer, "No, not yet at least."

Jack leaned forward and started whispering something to Josh. What is he saying? Probably trying to pump him for information, like, has he seen me naked? How big is my penis? Jack had a crush on me since he has met me. I call it the First Encounter Syndrome i.e. when you meet another gay person. It doesn't matter that you have anything else in common with that person, just that you are gay. And that's what happened with Jack and I, he laid it down hard on my, the I Love You's flowers and things like that. He bought me expensive gifts.

At first, I took them because I thought he was being nice, and then I figured out what was happening. Jack was heart-broken when I told him I didn't have the same feelings for him. But he quickly recovered when he met another boy named Errol. They hit it off big. Three weeks later, Jack found out that Errol was cheating on him with a twelve year old from St. Helena. Jack came to me in the middle of the night after he had gotten off the phone with Errol.

Jack's voice brought me back, "Don't worry, he hasn't either."

"Hasn't what?" I asked.

"Nothing, don't worry about it." Josh replied and both of them giggled.

God, they are gossiping about me now. Time to change the subject, I thought as Jack said something else into Josh's ear.

"So what's up with Mel and Sean?" I inquired, "Are they hell pissed at me?

Jack looked at me and shrugged. "Mel really wanted to kick his ass and Sean just wanted to watch, he was just a long for the ride. But Mel . . . Oohh . . . Mel was pissed!"

Josh came around the table and slumped down next to me. "That totally sucks, first week of school and people already hate me."

"They don't hate you, baby." I ran my hands through his hair.

"No, they're just confused."

"See," I kissed Josh's forehead.

"I love you Zach." Josh looked up at me and made eye contact.

He was reading me again. But it wasn't like last time. Last time I think he read me to see if I was really as trusting as I was before. Now it seemed . . . I don't know. He wasn't reading me to do something bad, I know that much.

"I love you to, Josh." We kissed briefly before realized where were we.

Some people noticed us, Zach and Josh, two boys kissing. Mel and Sean saw us, I saw Mel get up and walk out of the door. Sean stayed behind and gawked. Jack watched Josh kiss me; I could see the wheels turning in his head. God, Jack, I thought, you are lonely, aren't you? Josh looked around to the few people that were staring at us and then looked up at me and giggled. I giggled with him. The bell rang it was back to a syllabus from Mrs. Schimel my creative writing teacher. We were to learn the art of Poetry, Haiku, Prose, Epic, Repetition etc. And the last syllabus of the day was from Mr. Meyers, my Math teacher, Geometry.

"Hey Zach!" Jack caught me after school while Josh and I had separated to go to our locker.

"Hey Jack," I greeted him, "What's up?"

"I wanted to know if you wanted do something after school?"

"Like what?"

"Oh, I don't know, skate park, CD's . . . whatever seems fun."

"Kind of spontaneous, eh?"

"Spontaneity is a virtue my friend." Jack said and smiled.

"Well, I'm gonna go tell Josh I am gonna do something with you in case he calls me when he gets home and expects me to be there.

"Alright," Jack said, "Meet you in the parking lot by your car."

Jack doesn't drive; he rides his bike or roller blades to school. All part of staying in shape, I guess. I have a mile to drive to school, so I am perfectly happy to drive to school on cold days.

When I had gotten within five feet of Josh's locker, I saw Mel. She was holding him against the lockers. Josh's backpack was by his feet. Sean wasn't there.

"I thought I told you to stay away from him, Josh!" Mel breathed into Josh's face.

Josh was struggling against Mel's hold, "You can't tell me what to do. Don't you know he's on my side? Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Why don't I just break your face? Zach doesn't care about you. After what you did to him, who could? You're nothing but a little maggot. No wonder you moved from Alameda, you probably couldn't take it there."

"No! Zach like me, he said he does! He said he loves me. You're a liar!" Josh shouted at her.

Three or four people had hung around to watch round two of Josh's beating, which wasn't going to happen.

Mel slapped Josh hard, "No! You stupid bitch, I don't like you. Don't you get it? I am the one that helps to protect Zach from people like you!"

"He loves me." Josh had cracked, he was crying.

Seeing those tears on his face, the red mark on his cheek, across his right eye, something clicked again. When I saw Mel let go of Josh and get ready to punch him, it snapped.

"Mel," I roared, my blood was boiling.

I grabbed that bitch and I threw her into the locker across from Josh. She was shocked, how the hell could I be in the right place in the right time, two times in a row!

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I screamed at her.

She didn't respond. I slammed her against the locker again, there was a bigger crowd formed. No teachers yet because it all sounded like someone slamming their locker shut. But they would come when they heard me screaming at Mel. Mel still didn't respond.

"Go damn it, Mel!" I screamed at her again, "Answer me!"

Her eyes were still wide, where did all of my anger come from? All of my adrenaline had left me when I saw that she wasn't going to cause a fight then. I thought about Josh again and I heard him crying behind me. He was in a fetal position when I turned around. Mel, you stupid bitch! I thought, look at what you've done. One more burst of anger shoved her against the lockers when she was about to peel herself off them. My eyes started stinging and my breath left me.

"Josh?" I felt like crying when I touched Josh. "I'm here now baby."

Josh slowly uncurled and looked up to see if it really was me. Then he stood up and hugged me. He was shaking, shaking hard, down to his bones.

"Oh my god, Zach, I am so glad you came!" Josh said to me, "I would have been packaged meet if no one had helped."

"It's alright," I told him, "It's okay now, don't worry about it."

Mel came into my peripheral vision. Her rage was gone; her eyes were devoid of any feeling. She stared at us. Josh moved behind me, but still kept contact but keeping his hands at my waist.

"Mel," I waved a hand in front of her face. "What the hell did you think you were doing?"

"I-I . . . he was talking shit about you." She puffed her chest out, like a soldier waiting for his medal. "And I had to defend you and then he started to throw punches and all I could do was pin him against the lockers. I'm glad that you came, he was really starting to scare me."

"That's bullshit!" He yelled from behind me.

Mel was taken aback; she probably hadn't planned on Josh still being brave enough to say something like that. She definatly hadn't planned on me being there. She thought I had probably gone somewhere . . . with Jack.

"Mel, please, tell me what really happened." I pleaded with her, "I need to know Mel, please tell me." She looked away from Josh and resumed her stance. "He was trashing you."

"Mel, I was here before you even started to throw that punch. You had Josh pinned down and he was scared Mel. He was nothing but scared."

"He attacked me and I had to do something."

"Liar!" Josh spat out.

"Mel," I stepped closer, so that I could feel her breath and almost hear her pulse. "You know I take a laid back stance about most things. But when people fuck with friends, I go crazy. You've seen me protect Jack before."

She nodded.

"When a friend fuck with another one of my friends I am the one to mediate the situation, right."

She nodded. There was movement in my peripheral vision and I saw Jack push through a few people. He frowned when he saw me confronted Mel again. She asked for it Jack, I thought.

"But when a friend threatens someone they hardly know who is someone that I love I go ballistic. Mel, I love you to death. But if you don't tell me why you were try to pulverize Josh, I don't think I even want to know you."

I turned back to Josh a wiped some tears off his cheeks, still open to Mel. His face was read; he was going to have a black eye. Jack looked on.

"How many times did Mel hit you?" I whispered to him.

He whispered back, "Three."

"How hard?" I asked him.

"Hard enough," I touched near his eye and he cringed. The tears on my cheeks had gone hot.

"Zach . . ." she said.

"I don't think I even want to talk to you Mel." I picked up Josh's backpack. "Write me an email or a letter, when you want to talk. Because I can't handle hearing your voice."

Josh took my hand and I threw his backpack to Jack. Mel's eyes were glazed over when I walked past her. So much for hanging out together, Jack.

"Jack . . ." He knew the rest.

"Yeah," he sounded far off.

"Talk to you later."

"Later, man." Jack wheeled his bike away from my car and rode towards the skate park.

I opened Josh's door and threw the bags in the back.

"Zach?" He said to me.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Josh."

We kissed again before he got in his side and I closed the door.

"Is anyone going to be home?" I asked him after I had pulled out of the parking lot.

"My mom," he answered.

"Alright."

We didn't saying anything else for the rest of the dive home. Our thoughts filled the empty spaces between the car's engine and the occasional pothole.

_________________ That's it (yawn 02:01 here). Hope you enjoyed it. Send feedback to KillerPizzaMonkey@yahoo.com Visit my site at http://th380y.net PROOF READER WANTED!!

Next: Chapter 7


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