This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be very pure either! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of characters:
Jack Smith -- uh -- that would be me
Ralph Gilmore -- a new friend - deceased
Stacy Whitworth -- a catalyst/friend
George Toliver -- old grade school buddy
From Chapter 2:
"Yeah, I've never been kissed by a guy! Well, except this hunk here!" She said and she gave George a squeeze.
"And I - - I've never been kissed by a guy either!" laughed George But Stacy and I have been doing lots of practicing - - for a long time, huh, babe?"
I stood there mesmerized. "Wake up Jacky! That's what we used to call him! Not all gays are sluts, you know?"
"I've never kissed a guy." I said, all of a sudden shy.
Stacy looked between me and George several times.
Chapter 3
I felt my cheeks burning again. It seems I should be getting used to that, as much as it has been happening lately. "Look at the two of you!" Said Stacy. "You'd think you got caught with your pants down!"
"Yup! That's about what it feels like!" Laughed George, effectively breaking the tension.
"Look, you two, I have to get to psych. I'll see you in a couple days, Jack, and George - - I'll expect a full report later!" She looked at me and added, "JUST KIDDING!" then in a stage whisper to George, "Not really!" She walked off toward her next class.
I looked at George, standing there grinning at me. He was always more outgoing than I, even when we were nine. His family moved into a new custom home that was built on a new street that was kind of behind where we lived back then. It was much larger and fancier than our rented home around the corner. It even had a circular driveway in front of it, and an automated garage door opener. That really impressed me!
George's freckles were well matched by his curly, sandy colored hair. I didn't think that much of it back then, but he was a very cute boy. He turned out to be a ruggedly handsome young man, with steely blue eyes, not quite as tall as I am.
"OH! MY! GOD!" Said George, who must have also been hurting as I was from grinning. "Jack, I have to tell you -- you were my first love. I - "
"Wha -- a - at?" I shot back.
"Oh yeah! I knew even back then that I was really attracted to boys! And not in the least to girls! But neither were most of the other boys at that stage in life, so that was not anything odd. But you were so damned beautiful!"
"Me??!!" I retorted. "I thought you were cute!"
"I WAS cute! I knew that! But - - you were beautiful! With those gorgeous eyes! My god! My mom told me that there were Hollywood talent scouts trying to get you to screen test! She thought you were gorgeous too! Man, you sure matured perfectly!"
"George, stop! It's getting deep!" I blushed.
"It's no bull, Jack! I cried and cried when you moved! Please don't tell me you didn't care!"
"Care? Yeah, I cared! But I handled it differently -- like I handled a lot of things -- I got sick. I was sick the first two weeks after I moved. Remember Jimmy -- the redhead -- and Gary -- the dentist's son? I missed all of them. But it never occurred to me to ask to go back to see them. It seemed so far back then. Shit! It was no more than a couple miles! That's insane! But -- George -- you were the one I got sick over -- you really were."
"When did you know you were gay, Jack?" He suddenly turned serious.
"Last week." I said, almost as if it had been rehearsed.
"No - - really! When?" He gave me a frowny grin.
"No, really -- last week! You heard about the guy the committed -- I mean -- who -- died a couple weeks ago? He asked me if I was gay. I had never admitted it to myself before that. I played with some guys after I moved away from you, and - "
"Whaddaya mean, you played with them?" He asked.
I looked both ways. "Um -- when's your next class, George?"
"Not until afternoon."
"Good! Let's drive down to Bolsa Chica and take a walk on the beach. We need to talk -- I can see that. We'll get some lunch too."
"Cool!"
I filled him in on my experiences with Marty and the others, after I had moved. He was not a little disturbed that I never initiated anything like that with him. I told him I just wasn't ready. "Besides, YOU were always the one who led the way in our friendship. Hah! Remember when we got caught stealing avocados?"
We sat down on the deserted beach.
"Well, to be fair, we didn't know we were stealing them. And our parents were involved too. And the owner of the avocado grove was really nice about it. I think he also owned all the orange groves too. But -- getting back to -- um -- you played with them! I never did anything like that! I've never done anything with a guy or a girl."
"Me neither -- well since puberty. But -- oh well it's not quite true you've done nothing! You HAVE kissed at least Stacy!"
"I tease her a bit too much, I guess. I've actually kissed a lot of girls, if that counts. But that's all I've done. And I really have never kissed a guy."
I leaned in to him and kissed him. His eyes popped open wide. "Jack!" He was the one to look around this time. Seeing not a soul, he then attacked me. He kissed me back like no girl ever kissed me!
"My Gosh!" I said, completely blown away -- first that I did what I did -- it was so out of character -- well at least before a few weeks ago! And then at what he did! Tongue and all.
"Hey! Get a room!"
Oops! Someone DID see us! We cracked up laughing. "Where do you live now, George?"
"I'm still at home -- with the `rents -- same place as you knew."
"I'm surprised you're not at a university, George. It seemed like your parents had -- well -- an abundance mine didn't."
"I -- well -- I guess I can blame it on my shyness. I knew a few people here at Cerritos -- or who were coming here. So - "
"You? Shy! I can't believe it. You weren't shy back in 4th grade!"
"I -- really wasn't, was I?" He mused. "But then I matured pretty early. By 6th grade I was already spouting hair all over and my -- you know -- grew fast. I was extremely self conscious about it." He even blushed talking about it.
"Wow! So, you never compared anatomy and stuff -- with other guys?"
"Hell no! I did that once and that guy stared so much, I thought there was something wrong with me. I wanted SO much to -- do things -- like you did -- I didn't even know what -- but I knew I wanted it! When did you first notice you were attracted to guys?"
"Oh I can remember something very clearly. My older brother was 17 when I was 8. My parents had a surprise party for his birthday. It was all the boys on his football team -- or rather all the ones he was friends with. They treated me so nice! And after that, whenever one would come over, they always made a big deal over me."
"You WERE awfully cute -- or more to the point -- as I already said -- beautiful!"
"You're sweet!" I said.
"Not at all! Hey! Do you remember that Nancy-bitch that lived up the street from me?
"Oh yeah! She WAS a bitch! You know, her parents were close friends with mine. She made sure she palled around with nothing but the rich girls in North Downey. She used to snub me whenever we were with anyone else from school."
"I remember how she treated you -- even back then. I think she was jealous because she wasn't as pretty as you!" He laughed. "But I remember once in high school, after you moved, when your school came over and performed your Viking Varieties for Warren High. You played the conga drums in a number and when it was all done, all the girls in our school surrounded you! You looked like a damned movie star! Hah! I shoulda known you were gay! No straight guy looks that good!"
"What??!! I didn't even know it then! YOU remember that? Wha - - why didn't you come up and say hi?"
"Again -- too shy. I remember how the Nancy-bitch was all over you -- letting everyone know SHE knew you -- when it seemed everyone liked you! I had no idea she treated you so crappy otherwise. But believe it or not, that was the main reason I didn't come up to say hi. I didn't want to embarrass you. And - - I would have been embarrassed if you didn't remember me."
"That was not that long ago. You almost didn't recognize me this morning!" I said.
"You cut your hair. You look -- well if it's possible -- even better now!"
I felt an electric shock go through me and ground itself in my groin at that remark. I tried to deflect it, "We probably should get back. We probably already missed our classes."
"It was worth it, Jack. It was soooo worth it!" He looked deeply into my eyes. I melted. I could tell because liquid started coming out of my eyes. I wanted this moment to freeze in time! "Where do you live, anyway?" He asked me.
"You know where Rio San Gabriel Park is?"
"Oh yeah! I used to play little league there!" He said.
"The big diamond backs up to our back yard."
"Wow! That really WAS close! But as you said, in 4th grade it may as well have been
Timbuktu."
"Yeah." The moment was gone.
"I guess you're right. We better get back. Jack -- I have to tell you -- actually I can't. I can't explain how I feel right now. All I know is whatever it is I feel - "
"Yeah," I said hoarsely, "I know -- I want a lot more of it!" The moment returned. We again lingered in each other's eyes for a prolonged moment. He drove us back to the Cerritos parking lot, to my car. He got out and picked up a few books.
"I thought that was your last class?" I said.
"It -- was -- but I have a lab and then I need to do some research in the library."
"Oh. Okay. See you -- um -- sometime!"
"Well at least at the Ball, huh? Save a dance for me!"
"Yeah -- as if!" I mocked. I watched him walk back into the campus, feeling extremely unsatisfied. I wanted soooooo much to kiss him again!
I sat in my car, pondering the events of the past few weeks. My whole life seemed to be changing all at once -- and yet I felt such a peaceful feeling now -- as opposed to how I felt a short 24 hours ago. I fell asleep in my car, thinking about it, in the parking lot.
"That didn't take you too long!"
"Huh?" I said, feeling like I was surrounded by a thick fog, but everything was clear. I turned and Ralph was looking at me sadly. "He is an old friend." I responded.
"Just remember Jack, everything happens for a reason!" He said and disappeared. I awoke with a jolt, as the car door next to mine slammed. I drove around a bit -- to think -- then went home. His last remark kept echoing in my mind.
I was wide awake by the time I got home. I almost skipped into the house. My mom of course took note: "Well, you're back to your sunny self. It must have been a good day!"
"It was! You'll never guess who I met today!"
"George Toliver!"
"What? How -- I mean - "
"He came by not too long ago. He was so sure you would already be home -- and so disappointed. He surely has turned out to be a nice looking boy!"
"Boy?"
"All right -- young man. You're still boys to me!"
"But - - how did he know which house - " I ran to the living room window -- which looks out on the park. Yup! Ours is the only back yard that the old backstop backs up to!
"He said to have you call. Here's his number."
I recognized the number. "Their number hasn't changed since we were in the 4th grade!"
"Neither has ours, dear." Mom said. "That shows some stability, at least."
I dialed the number. "You've reached the Tolivers. Leeeeeeeave a message!"
"Hey, George, Jack here. Mom said you stopped by. Sorry I missed you. Call me when you get a chance."
We had a hella tough time making contact. As it worked out, we didn't see each other until the Ball. Stacy told me that we were all going to meet in the parking lot before going in, at 8:30. I was there at 8:30, as well as Stacy and several others she had talked into going.
Seems none of us was going to go, but Stacy would have none of that. They weren't all gay guys either. There were about seven people when I got there. We were joined by three others, both male and female, and from what I could guess, gay and straight. One was portentously missing -- at least to me. I couldn't believe he just would not show up!
"We better go in." Said Stacy.
"You guys go on. I'll wait a little longer for George." I said. Stacy looked at me sympathetically and nodded.
After about an hour, Stacy reappeared. "He may not be coming, Jack. I didn't want to say anything, but he does this - - sometimes. Just drops out. I've seen him every day on campus. HE said he was coming, but - "
"It's okay," I said, I'll wait just a little longer."
"Yah sure?" She said.
"Yah! Don't worry. I'll be okay."
"Kay!" She said and bobbed back into the student center.
I waited another 45 minutes and started up my car. I was -- kind of pissed, and kind of -- well supremely disappointed. We really hadn't made any promises. I just was -- depressed.
I turned my car out of the parking lot on to Alondra, then drove up to the 605 and home. I got off at Firestone, but when I got to my street, it seemed the car didn't want to turn in there. I drove around for awhile until I found myself in front of George's house. His Porsche was in the driveway. My heart was beating so hard I was wondering if it was possible for it to break out of my chest cavity.
After idling there for awhile, I drove away slowly, feeling too depressed to even cry. Just as I started to pick up speed, there was pounding on the back of my van. I stopped.
George came limping around from the back of the car, and almost collapsed against my door. I shook my head to clear it. I didn't know how to act. I felt betrayed, pissed and depressed, but at the same time I felt relieved and giddy that he was standing there looking at me through my door window. I couldn't open the door, because he was leaning against it. He moved and sat on the boulevard strip in front of one of his neighbor's homes.
I parked my car. I got out and sat next to him in my semi-formal suit.
Looking straight ahead, I said, "What - - happened?"
"I got scared."
"Scared - - of what?"
"Of -- everything." He looked at me. I met his eyes. "God, you're more beautiful that I could ever have remembered. Can you c - come in?"
I followed him back to his house, parked my van and followed him in to his house. He led me in to the family room and sat on a love seat. I sat next to him. "You gonna turn on a light?" I asked.
"No -- it's better this way."
"Where are your parents?"
"They're away most weekends."
"I wanna see you! The street light was too dim."
"Trust me -- you don't want to see me!"
"Huh?"
"I have hives." He said, disgustedly. "I couldn't go to the ball looking like this."
"Well, I don't care what you look like! I love you for who you are -- not what you are!"
"What? What did you just say?"
"I said, I don't care what you look like! I love you - "
"Stop! Stop right there. How can you say you love me?" He said it as a challenge -- almost threatening.
"I never stopped loving you - - George - - I have dreamed about you since 4th grade. I was so surprised you still didn't look 9 years old the other day when we met - - again. But -- I never stopped loving you."
"I know." He whispered. "I just didn't think it was possible that you felt the same way. That's why I was afraid tonight. That's why I didn't come to the ball. That's why I got hives. I couldn't -- not CAN'T -- see how such a God as you can even look at me."
I gingerly turned his face toward the window and looked hard at him. "Yeah, you do look hella messed up!" I smiled. "But I don't care. And if you would rather keep the lights off, that's okay too."
Then I took the supreme chance!
He gasped and then kissed me back with more passion than I had shown him. In turns we accelerated it to something I never knew existed.
We were still sitting in the love seat. I was glad for that, because I wasn't too sure I wanted him to know just exactly what was going on down below. I mean, obviously I was kissing a guy -- with more passion that I ever kissed anyone before. And other than the short kiss other day, he had never kissed another guy -- ever.
As I was musing on this, he arose and pulled me up with him. "Lets go over here." He said, and he led me to a longer, leather couch. He sat down and pulled me down on top of him as he lay down on it. I at first resisted, but gave in easily, and we just lay there kissing for about ½ hour. Gone were any worries of either of us feeling each others wood. It was just a fact.
"Can you stay the night?" He asked.
"Ohhh -- I dunno if I should, George. I mean - "
"Not to do any more than we have already done, Jack. I just don't want you to go again. We can leave our clothes on even. I'd rather at this point -- I think."
"Mom? I'm staying over at George's tonight."
"Alright dear. Thank you for calling. I would have worried. Bye. Oh -- Jack?"
"Yes?" I said, relieved at how easy that was.
"Do you have condoms?"
"MOM!"
"I was just saying - "
"Don't worry about that either!" I said.
I hung up the phone. "What was that about. You sounded pissed." George said.
"The woman asked if I had condoms!!!" I cried.
"She KNOWS about you?"
"I didn't THINK so!" I said.
I sat on the edge of the couch, thinking.
"Come back, Jack!" He said. No. wait! Come with me." He pulled me to the back of the house - - into his bedroom. "We may as well be comfortable."
He lay down and extended his arms to me. I melted into him. I was embarrassed, as I assumed he was by the ample wood between us, but we kissed some more and then both fell asleep. I had very warm, nice dreams. I had nothing to complicate them, such as any experience. In my dreams we only kissed.
When I woke up -- sometime in the middle of the night -- I had my wood in my hand -- as I often did, but -- I then noticed I could not feel it. I them awoke further. It wasn't my wood! I let it go and turned over. I heard his sigh sleepily and he snuggled up to my back, and it felt good. I fell back asleep.
I woke to the smell of bacon frying. My pants were open, and my anatomy was exposed -- under the sheet were sleeping under. "Hello?" I hollered.
Quick steps ran down the hall. "Boy, you were sleeping like a log, Jack!"
"No doubt! I usually do. Do you remember anything from last night?"
"Yes."
"I'm sorry. I -- usually do that to - "
"I know. Me too. It felt good though."
"George, I'm not ready for this."
"I know -- me neither." He said then added, But still -- it did feel good. And you say you've never done anything like that?"
"No, I said I have not done anything like that since puberty."
"Oh, yeah." He said. Well it sure felt good!"
"He said for the third time!" I quipped. "Are you SURE you're not ready for it?"
"Well - - no really! Not -- yet. I loved laying in your arms, Jack. It felt like -- like -- it should have happened years ago."
"Yeah, it felt natural didn't it?" I said. "George -- is the bacon safe?"
"Huh?"
"We don't want to burn the bacon - - or the kitchen down."
"No -- everything's fine."
"Good. Sit." He sat on the bed next to where I was laying. "George, I don't know where this is going, where you want it to go or really, where even I want it to go. I told you last night I love you. Well, that's true. But its like the love a 9-year-old has for another 9-year-old. I sometimes think I want everything at once, but when it comes down to it, I'm too cautious for that. I WANT to find out what we could have -- but I don't think it would serve either of us if we go too fast.
He looked at me and said, "I couldn't have said it better. The feelings are so strong, but -- well you put it best. You did some exploring as a boy -- including even sucking each other - "
"We never did it to orgasm." I countered.
"But I have done nothing. I have to tell you -- I'm extremely jealous of your experience. I will have to let you set the pace, because all I want to do is catch up with you! Don't be pissed if I am more impatient than you are."
"Okay. That's fair -- and wow! You're as honest as I -- as I -- expect, I guess."
"As honest as you ARE."
"Okay." I pulled him back down to me. He was in white boxer briefs. I opened the covers. My tighty-whiteys were still on. I pulled him next to me and kissed his as we were doing last night.
Notes: Now THAT'S the way to get reacquainted! I've experienced some of these feelings before. When everyone else seems to be doing "everything" it's hard to be moderate sometimes. Address any comments (Please!) to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Please put "Jack" on the subject line. Thanks and ...
Love, Steve