J O Y by Reggie Tangan
Disclaimer: all of the characters portrayed here are used fictitiously, and used for entertainment purposes. Any resemblance to the characters and situations are purely coincidental.
This story is for adults only; if you don't like sexual themes, please leave immediately.
for reactions, critiques please send me an email at reggietangan@edsamail.com.ph or visit my website at http://www.reggietangan.cjb.net/joy
"I've Been Better"
I just woke up to see Tonj and his huge arms around me, with all the warmth he was giving me was a sign that he is loving me to the fullest, and I think he knows that I love him too. The problem is, are actions enough to tell someone you love that person or you have to say the 'I love you' then you're 'it'?
It was Wednesday night, I was spending some quality time with Tonj, but I also remembered that recently, Travis has moved from Makati to meat-packing district in Malate, just walking distance to our fave hangout in Orosa. He said it was totally cool since he got the new apartment.
"I'm going to Travis' new place later, wanna come?" And I couldn't believe I just said that. With that I leaned over to kiss him on the cheek.
"You go, I have to be early tomorrow." Tonj sharply responded. "Come on, it'll be just the five of us, Trav, me, Alex and Ken and you." I wanted to convince him the last time. "I'm sorry, really, work has got the best of me, and I don't want to get cranky over a bunch of numbers." He patted my back, I know his work is important to him and I understand that.
So I left Tonj and promised him to call him back later after the housewarming party.
Once upon a time there were three men lounging on the terrace of a nicely built apartment somewhere in the meant-packing district in Malate. And you know what? Its just a few meters away from our fave haunt in Orosa.
"I couldn't believe this place is fabulous." Alex looked as if he saw the upper heavens of the world. Come on, Travis got the penthouse suite.
"There are a lot of unknown treasures around the Metro, you just have to look in the right places, and bingo! You got more than you asked for." Travis smiled as he continued to flatter us with potato chips and Cali Ice.
"If we could all move in Malate it would be better." I said, as I took another handful of chips and gorged them in my mouth. "Yeah, right, if we could all afford living in such a cool place." Alex looked again at the nice skyline towards the surburbian mecca of Manila.
"You will, my dear Alex, you will." Travis said.
I wish I could live here so I won't have to spend fare going to Malate every each night.
Travis then went to the window opened it up and shouted.
"Manila, we've got it all!"
Then out of nowhere somebody shouted. "Fuck You!"
Travis retorted, "Ahh, you wish."
Alex already left when I decided to help Travis fix up the mess we made, Travis didn't seem to need help, but as a his friend, and out of sheer helpfulness.
"Jethro, go home, I can handle this," Travis said, as he collected all of the glasses and placed them on the sink, "You told me earlier you wanted to call up Tonj after this." "I don't know, it seems everything is to surreal." I said. "Why?" "I know Tonj does a lot of stuff for me, but I can't seem to repay the favor." As I feared, I thought I wasn't good enough for Tonj. "Oh, I've been there," Travis responded, "I'm telling you, it's just you anxiety attacking you." "My anxiety?" "Please, Jethro, almost the men you had a relationship with the exception of Paulie, you, yourself broke up with them." "Yeah, truth hurts." I pondered that issue, which I hope it won't happen to Tonj or to any man I go out with. Heaven forbid. "I think it's about time you made the first move to acknowledge your love for Tonj, I know you really love him, and he deserves to know that through words and not just actions." He said in the most utterly mundane way, and I'm impressed. "Well, for a promiscuous person like you, you make the best sex advice." I said as I shook his hand in acknowledgement. "Ok, move Jethro Velasquez, go home and call up Tonj, I'll be cleaning the whole mess we made." Travis said, he started to grab the floor mop.
The next day on in my house in Merville Park, I called up Tonj and remembering what Travis told me earlier about telling my whole feelings to Tonj. Without adding to much doubt I grabbed a couple of smokes just to make me clear my mind of this tricky situation.
"Hey its me." "Hey there, sexy what's up?" He asked, funnily I wanted to give a really sarcastic answer. "The ceiling," giggling followed, "You know what's up." "I'm on my way to Glorietta, I thought I could pick you up later." "You sure?" It was really sweet Tonj knew what I was going through, all the security he's been giving me, I couldn't tell whether Tonj was like a guardian angel sent to love me. Do I sound naive? "I wouldn't really mind spending more time with you." He said. "That is so sweet." Then I popped the phrase. "You know what?" "What?" "I love you!" I finally said it. "What?!" Tonj sounded a bit hesitant. "I said I love you, sexy." I said it again. "Oh, yeah whatever," he said, "I'll be there in a few minutes." "Yeah, sure." I said, "See yah, goodbye." "Are you ok?" I asked one last time. "I've been better." He said, and he hung up the phone.
As I hung up the phone I couldn't believe Tonj seemed to be very uneasy when I said those three small words. Just when I thought I was having issues telling how I truly feel for Tonj, now he seems to have that actual problem of shelling out feelings for me.
"I told you, I don't want to be a free agent anymore." Emilito Enriquez told me, as we talked about certain issues about love which I have little or as much as possible a handful of knowledge about it, but I try to give lowly advice yet the guys who need that advice were grateful.
"Nobody wants to be a free agent," as I calmed Emilito, who was having issues about his loneliness for the past two months. "It's just that fate maybe has other plans for you." "For God's sake, no!" He said.
There are times instead of writing gossip articles I felt this strong need for me to actually help people as if I was a trained Psychologist, which I'm not but a couple of guys began approaching me for advice.
"Yeah, why wouldn't you be one?" Travis looked on the idea of Jethro Velasquez, Ph.D. Not bad as it sounds, but it does sometimes sound very stupid. But why not. I told myself, I've been here before, I might go back there again. Its like taking Psychology 101.
"Maybe this is your new turning point in life, like, actually guiding people to their happiness," Travis said, "And in the process, you get paid to be their guide." He finally added.
Though I also feared something very common but a rare circumstance when your giving advice, and it sounds like the ultimate irony:
We may be helping others, but can we help ourselves?
"So you think giving advice is the best advice?" Travis asked me. "I'm not really sure," I told him.
Maybe I should dissect myself.
In the meantime, Alex was being pursued by, in my name-calling ingenue, 'some shlumpy guy.' He was doing his regular job in Tower Records when Shlumpy approached and as if acting like an obvious innocent guy. Which Alex detected early on, and he also felt that Shlumpy was giving him the eye. Of course, Alex isn't that stupid or so, but being a very very accomodating customer service people of Tower he wanted to help out the Shlumpy guy and as much as possible satisfy him and make him buy the CD.
"Yes, we only have the US released albums of Sarah McLachlan," Alex as a friendly worker. I want to kick your eye out, that's Alex in defense mode complete with anti-uber-ugly-shlumpy-guy missles.
"That's really nice, I hope I can enjoy these with your presence." Alex forced himself not to smile but he managed to give Shlumpy a small smirk.
"Very flattering." Alex contained himself to what Shlumpy said. "Would you like to go out sometime?" Shlumpy asked, as if he scored a total date, but he wasn't but still as a friendly person as he is...
"I'm out on eight, maybe you could wait for me then." Alex said, he wanted to puke, but he wouldn't as he said before...
"It'll be a waste of perfectly good puke." He said. As we were spending some time outside Tower Records, he wanted to smoke before he facing Shlumpy, Ken was there too, but unfazed.
"Somebody has to be taught a lesson not to mess with Alex." Ken said, in total dignified manner. As for Ken he continued his studies in school was looking forward to graduate in two years.
Ken was totally cool abut Shlumpy trying to score something with Alex. He was totally sure that Alex is faithful to him and that he wouldn't dare cheat on him or something.
"So I'm moving up to Oliver's, that's where I'll be meeting Shlumpy." He said as he breathe his last smoke. He wanted to get over with it and tell Shlumpy that he is seeing, no, that's not the word, committed to somebody and the date is just a regular lunch date which meaningless.
"Ready to play?" Ken asked Alex. "Always ready." He answered. "Good." He kissed Alex on the cheek, "Let him know that he can't mess with my man."
As soon as I appointed myself as the new gossip-slash-advice comunist for "The View," tons of letters and email came pouring into my office. Most of them were bundled in envelopes, huges brown ones too, even those big brown packages that contain diaries, collected love letters and even really cute and cuddly teddy bears.
"Sheesh, they should give me some air to breath." I told myself, Ken was there too. Just recently I let Ken Tatlongreyna to be my own social intern in my office, though he doesn't get paid to work for me, he has a big chance making it in Journalism.
And I'm giving him free Starbucks coffee and lunches.
"This really overwhelms me," Ken said, seeing all the letters, he swam to get to my table, he was getting a handful of the letters, while I took care of the emails.
"Bring it on! Come on Ken, open one up and read 'em!" I told the young boy. He immediately dipped his hand onto the pile of letters, he got one and ripped it off and read.
"Here it goes," he coughed a bit and read...
Dear Jethro,
When you say 'I love you' to someone and the person you love doesn't seem to reciprocate, should you dump the person?
Always Confused.
"Dear Always Confused," I spoke as if I was actually responding to the letter, "Actions speak louder than words." "Pretty convincing." Ken said. "Thank you Ken. NEXT!"
Travis was stuck in traffic somewhere in Edsa specifically in Guadalupe. He was already late to go to some meeting in Mandaluyong and told one of his colleagues to hold the meeting for a while. He didn't seem frantic about the traffic neither the meeting.
He was actually calm. You know why?
Last night was a sort of a special night for Travis, after playing his DJ stint, he immediately called up Gash Peters (not real name) who was in Malate just to check out the scenery and make a write-up for some website that specializes on hot spots in Manila.
"So where do you want to go?" Travis asked Gash, seductively. "Anywhere, anywhere you think is cool." Gash said as he placed his hand on Travis' leg, as if interested at him and not to his actual said assignment.
"I know a place where we can hang out." Travis smiled. "You know?" Gash looked as if he was clueless, but we got the idea.
They went straight to Travis' new place, which was just walking distance from where they are.
Yes, they did look for each other's hot spots.
"With a sly grin, I got what I wanted and not get crappy at the same time." Travis said, as he sip a bit of Starbucks Green Tea frap. "With your connections it's pretty nice." I commented.
Travis and I were walking past Robinson's Place, just one of the decent malls around Manila. We were conversing what we talked about the stuff last time.
"Would believe Tonj actually felt hesitant when I said those words." I meagerly told Travis, instead of ho-humming, he actually paid attention to what I'm saying. "He didn't?" His eyes grew big in disbelief. "He was, or I'm just paranoid." Immediately, Travis pinched my waist, as if I was getting delirious. "Come on, maybe Tonj isn't that hesitant about that." Travis responded, "When was the last time he was said those words?" Come to think of it, I didn't ask Tonj when was the last time he had a relationship and being said those words.
Alex soon told us the lowdown of his pseudo-date with Shlumpy. He never saw him this totally grossed out and bugged out. I was hoping that he made out the said date alive.
"Boy was he splurging," Alex told us, "As if he was giving the whole world to me." "That sounded very corny." Travis said. "Totally disgusting, that means he has lots of disposable income." "Boy he was disposing it to me." Alex continued, he revealed to us that he works in a company that deals with Import goods from the US, but to think of someone with that much kind of disposable income to wild to impress someone with stuff.
I say too much is too much.
"When we were walking around, he bought me this necklace from Silver Works," he smiled a bit then showed the bracelet for us to see. "At least he has good taste." Travis commented. "Travis, that's not it," I said, "Shlumpy just can't impress people because of his riches, that's totally fake!" Then I pondered a second. "Not the bracelet." I looked at Alex, he nodded in agreement. "I just can't believe he goes great lengths to get a boyfriend." Travis said, now understanding everything.
"The good thing, he is a good sport he easily took hold of my sense of disinterest to him, and told me that I could keep the bracelet." Alex said, he touched the bracelet, not feeling a sense of guilt.
Later, I was at Tonj talking to Tonj about what we've done in the course of the week. I know it sounds boring, but it's the best topic to start off a reality check series.
"So those shirts with baby faces and earrings were a hit?" I asked. "Yeah, they're aelling like pancakes." He said, as he was counting the money for inventory. "I'm doing well so far, some guy wanted to publish a book containing most of my well-loved articles." I said, it was a bit of a shocker when I said that. Which was true, but blurry at the moment. "That's great! I'm really proud of you." He continued to count the damn money on the cash register, which got me annoyed.
"Listen to me, dammit!" I almost shouted. Immediately, Tonj stopped on his tracks, he placed the money back into the cash register looked at me then glanced around some corner.
"I love you , dammit. Why are you like that?" I didn't care the people passing by looking at the drama in the store. "I don't know." Tonj meakly answered, as if he was sick.
I hated the way he made those sick-puppy look, it's totally disgusting and it destroys his already good facade.
"Please, if you don't love me anymore just tell me." I begged him to tell the truth, or whatever that is. I felt the truth should be told up front and not be kept, because its more painful that way.
"I'm not saying that, please, believe me." Tonj began to look at me more seriously. "I can't tell whether this relationship is going to last."
Please, now he thinks our relationship is going to be a long one, just when you think three months is long, is it that long? Hardly.
"Tell me, do you have a problem?" I tried to look into the corners of our relationship, hopefully find out and holes that destroy the foundation. Whew! That was deep.
"Nothing, sometimes I feel stupid for thinking such sham or stuff." "Don't be," I said, "But you will be if you'll be breaking up with me."
I didn't mean to challenge Tonj with that kind of gibberish, I just wanted to let him know that things, if you want to get them, you just have to get them in anyway you can, even ruthlessly.
"There are a lot of things in my mind," Tonj said, he closed the cashier counter, he looked at me now direct to my eyes.
"I don't want to lose this." He finally said. "So why won't you tell me you love me?" I asked, my eyes began to open up the water works, you know, I'm crying.
"When you said those words to me, I thought my love for you was not that enough for you." He approached me and wiped a part of my face. "What makes you say that?" I continued to cry, "Your love is all I got, and I'm not complaining."
Tonj hugged me as tight as ever, and I felt relieved. Maybe for the fact that he was scared that I would actually break up with him just because he was totally insecure about his love for me.
"I really love you." I said, this time I hugged him tighter. "I do really love you, Jethro." He said it finally.
I'm not a free agent anymore.
The next day I cuddled up to Tonj again as he hugged me tight around his huge arms. I felt the heat emanating from him, that was a sign that he loves me totally without the insecurities. I was pretty sure that our relationship will last longer.
I've been better.
And yes, no more insecurities.
"So are we ready now?" Tonj asked. "I think we are." I told him. "So we'll be going to Glorietta 4 before the usual haunt?" "Yes, the usual." "What usual?" "You should know by now." I smiled 'till I flashed the Timezone card from my pocket. "Ahhh, not that!" He almost shrieked.
To be continued...
for reactions, critiques please send me an email at reggietangan@edsamail.com.ph or visit my website at http://www.reggietangan.cjb.net/joy