This story is purely fictional. However, some places mentioned do in fact exist, but certain things may be changed for the advantage of the story. This story will, at some point, include sexual relations between two college-age males. If you don't want to read something like that, then leave. If you are under the age of 18 (21 in some areas), or if it is illegal for you to view this material, then you should exit out of this.
This story is copyrighted and may not be copied for any reason, without the authors' permission.
Previously...
I was sliding my hand up and down his back, and just when I put my hand slightly into the back of his pants, I heard the door open....we both looked up....oh, fuck!
I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU WERE A FUCKING FAGGOT!
Chapter 8
Justin
I know that how I'm acting is wrong, and to tell you the truth, I have no idea why I keep acting like this. I have a feeling that `The Dream' is behind this, but I can't get past the shadow getting closer to me. I'm beginning to think I'm going crazy. I decided that I really need to go to class, and then to practice, so I dragged myself to them, but I don't think it mattered, because I couldn't concentrate. I tried to think about why I'm so angry, and about the dream, but every time I thought about it I got angrier, so I just stopped thinking.
One thing I did know was that I had to apologize to Justin, I know he has had to deal with a lot of shit from me, and he doesn't deserve that, especially what happened when he and his friend were studying. When I got out of practice, I decided that I really needed to talk to him, so I headed back to the dorm, hoping that he was there.
I opened the door, and stood there for a second, shocked. He is a fag! I knew it! Now I know why he was so pissed at me. He and that guy, Noah, I think, were making out on his bed. They looked up at me, and I could see that they were shocked, but fuck, so was I, and what they were doing was disgusting, but more than anything I was pissed! I heard myself yell:
"I KNEW IT I KNEW YOU WERE A FUCKING FAGGOT!"
"J-Justin W-What are you doing here?"
"It's my fucking room, too! Listen! I'm going out. When I get back, you better have him out of here, and you better find another place to stay, because I will not room with some fag."
I shut the door and started walking. I'm shaking so hard I can barely walk. It took everything I had in me to stop myself from beating the shit out of both of them, but I managed. I have got to talk to someone, or I'm afraid I may actually hurt someone, or maybe even kill someone, and I really am not like this. I swear I'm not; ask anyone. I don't know who I can talk to besides my mom, and I really didn't want to do that, but now I don't have a choice.
Normally I would drive, but right now I need to let off some steam, so I walk the mile to my mom's house. I know she isn't home right now, but I'll wait. Maybe Jason will be there, and actually talk to me. When I got to the house, I let myself in, and headed to the kitchen to get something to drink. I got some water, and sat down at the kitchen table. I started thinking over the past couple of weeks. I've never been homophobic, and I know what people say about homophobic people; that they are really just gay, and can't deal with it, but I know that isn't me. Hell, I wish that was the reason, not that I want to be gay, but it sure as hell would be an easy explanation; instead, I'm left completely confused. I had classmates in high school who were gay, and I had no problem with them, and generally I don't; but lately, it's like I turn into a completely different person when I see gay people.
I lost track of time, and wasn't paying attention to anything around me, because when I felt a hand on my shoulder, I jumped and looked up to find my mom staring at me, with a concerned look on her face.
"Justin, what are you doing here? Are you ok?"
Maybe it was something about how she said that or how she looked, but I blurted out "No, I'm not ok! Something is wrong with me!"
She sat down and took my hand, and I couldn't stop myself from tearing up. I started telling her everything: the dream, the anger, how I was feeling toward gay people, and I could tell she was disappointed; but after awhile, I started getting mad, because of talking about it ,and by the time I got to telling her about my roommate, I yelled "EVEN MY FUCKING ROOMMATE IS A FAG! I DON'T WANT TO ROOM WITH A DISGUSTING FAG; IT MAKES MY SKIN CRAWL, AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO THROW UP. WHAT IF HE TRIES TO FUCK ME? I CAN'T STAND FAGGOTS, AND I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THEM. THEY SHOULD ALL JUST DIE!"
She got this shocked look on her face, and I guess she saw something behind me, because she looked over my shoulder, and her face paled. I looked behind me, and Jason was there, staring at me with disbelief, and tears streaming down his face.
"Jason..." my mom started to say, but he just turned and left the house.
My mom slammed her fist on the table. "Shit!" If it weren't such a serious situation, I would have laughed, because she never swears, but when she did that, it actually made me jump.
"This is all my fault."
"What do you mean this is all your fault?"
"I...umm have to make a phone call. You are staying here tonight - no arguments. I don't want you hurting anybody else."
I didn't know what she meant when she said that she didn't want me hurting anybody else, but I just nodded, because I knew that this wasn't the time to argue with her. She got up from the table and disappeared into her bedroom, for what seemed to be a long time, before she came out and said, "We are going to have a visitor."
"Who?"
"Your uncle."
"Uncle Mike? Why?"
"He needs to tell you about something that happened a long time ago."
"Why does he need to tell me? Why can't you?"
"I think it would be best for him to explain what happened, because he can explain it better than I can, because he was actually there when it happened."
"Ok, fine. So when will he be here?"
"In about 2 hours."
We just sat there looking at each other, not saying anything for a long time, until she said "I should make some coffee." She went over to the coffee maker, and didn't say anything else. I was getting ready to say something, anything to stop all the silence, when there was a knock on the door. My mom told me that she would get it, and when they came into the kitchen, I looked up and saw my uncle for the first time in 7 years. He looked stressed, and slowly came over to me, and hesitantly hugged me.
My mom got us all a cup of coffee, and sat down next to my uncle. I had enough of all the silence, and said, "Ok, tell me what's going on here." They looked at each other, and then my uncle sighed. "First, I want you to know that we all love you, and we thought we were doing the right thing; we thought we were protecting you. Your mom explained everything that's going on with you, and I think both of us have realized that we probably should have done things differently."
"It all started when you were 5 years old. I saw how much your parents were struggling with trying to work, and take care of you and your brother, and I wasn't doing very well either, so I offered to watch both of you, if they could let me stay with them. It worked out well; they got the help they needed, and I had a place to stay. I absolutely adored both of you, I remember how full of life both of you were, and it made me feel more alive than I had in years. The only problem I had was that I was 23, and horny like any other guy my age, but babysitting and living in your house didn't exactly give me the opportunity to take care of that, other than my hand. Sorry, Sis, just trying to be honest. Justin, I know you have a problem with gay people right now, but I have to tell you that I'm gay. Before you get angry, I really need you to try to ignore how you feel about that, and let me finish, please.
"I started inviting guys over after I had put you and Jason to bed. We would go to my room and have sex, and then the guy would leave, and I would check on you both, and then go to bed. I had been living with you for several months, and everything was great. But then one night, a guy came over, and we had a drink - just one drink, and I started feeling like the room was spinning, and I couldn't move. He basically raped me, and then disappeared. I didn't know where he went, and I couldn't move, so I just laid there, terrified. I guess he didn't give me a very big dose of whatever it was, because after about 10 minutes or so of lying there, I could move; not well, but I could move. I went to check on Jason, and then went to go check on you. When I got to your room, I saw him touching you. I freaked out, and I don't know how I managed...maybe it was adrenaline, but I lunged at him and started punching him, and then I dragged him out the door and locked it. I went back to your room. and just held you and sobbed. I couldn't believe I let that happen. I had brought him into the house; it was my fault. You woke up and asked me why I was crying, and I lied and said that I was crying because I was happy to have you and Jason as my nephews. It seemed to make you happy, and you said, `I love you, Uncle Mike; I'm glad you live with us.' I gave you a kiss on the forehead, and tucked you in and went to my room. I didn't sleep at all that night.
"I know I should have told your parents, but I didn't; I was ashamed. I didn't invite any guys over for a long time after that. Eventually, I was so horny that I ended up inviting guys over again, but I was paranoid. I barely invited anybody, and when I did, I never let them fix me a drink, and I never let them out of my sight. Every time I invited a guy over, and nothing happened, I felt better. Then I met a guy that I ended up having a relationship with; he was great, funny, kind, just a really sweet guy. We were together for 5 months, and he had started staying the night. Your parents knew about him, and were ok with him staying the night, as long as he was gone before you and your brother woke up. They didn't want to explain to you or your brother, at such a young age, who he was, and I agreed.
"One night, he was staying with me, as he had many times before, and I woke up, because I had to go to the bathroom. When I looked over to where he should be, he wasn't there, and my heart immediately sank. I ran to your room, and there he was. He was...he was...well, lets just say it involved his mouth and you. I pulled him off of you and started punching him, and I think I would have killed him, except I noticed you had awakened, and was looking at me with this terrified look. So I dragged him out the door and locked it, but this time I called the police.
"I told them all about the previous time, and what I saw this time, and I had to tell your parents everything. Your parents were furious...mostly at the 2 that did what they did, but also at me for putting both of you at risk, and I understood how they felt, because I was angry with myself, also. Social services were called, and they told your parents that if they didn't want their children taken away, I had to move out. I was going to be moving soon anyway, because your dad was going to be graduating in 2 weeks, and he had a job offer, so I moved out the next day. The 2 men were arrested and charged, but because you were asleep the first time, and probably half asleep the 2nd time, we thought it would be best if I were the only witness. We thought we were protecting you by not getting you involved. We decided that moving on and not mentioning it was the best thing to do. When you were 11, your parents told me that they thought it would be best if I stayed away from you for a while, because you would be going through puberty soon, and they thought that my being around you when all those changes were happening would bring back memories, if you had been partly awake, so I stayed away. At your father's funeral, I didn't let you see me, and I haven't seen you since, except for pictures.
"I felt so guilty; I mean...what kind of person was I to attract not only 1 pervert, but 2? I started drinking a lot, and I sank into a depression. I eventually met someone who helped me become sober, and I've been sober for 3 years. His name is Brian, and he is my partner. At first I was worried about him possibly being like those 2 guys, but I soon learned he wasn't. He is a counselor and works with all kinds of people, but mostly with gay and lesbian teens. He is the kindest, gentlest, funniest guy I know, and we've been living together for almost 3 years.
"Your mom told me about the dream, and it makes me almost certain that the time I caught my boyfriend doing that to you wasn't the first time, and for that I am more sorry than I can ever say. I just hope that one day you can forgive me, and I hope you can forgive us for hiding it from you; we were only trying to protect you"
I just sat there shocked; I couldn't believe something like that happened to me. I don't understand why I suddenly started having the dream after so many years, and I had never had a problem with gay people before. But as I sat there, I thought that maybe it was because I had gone through such a big change with starting college, that it triggered something I had long forgotten.
I looked at both of them, and, for some reason, I couldn't be angry with them. Yes, I'm pissed that nobody told me when I got older, but I couldn't be mad at them for trying to protect me, and I felt like it just showed how much they love me.
"Listen, I'm not mad at either of you, I wish you would have told me when I got a little older, but I understand why you chose to hide it from me. I know you were only trying to do what was best for me, and it shows me how much you really do love me. Uncle Mike, it wasn't your fault. Maybe you shouldn't have brought guys into the house after the first time, but I can understand why you did. After all, I'm a guy, too," I said, blushing. "I know you never wanted something like that to happen."
"I can't say I'm no longer feeling homophobic, because I am, but I understand why I feel like that now, and I'll try to work on it."
"Justin, I think you need to see a counselor to help you work out how you are feeling. If you want me to, I can talk to Brian about finding someone to be your counselor."
"No, Uncle Mike. While I appreciate your concern, I don't need a counselor. I'll work it out myself."
"Justin...please, you need to see a counselor."
"No, mom, I don't. I'm sorry, but I'm really tired, and I want to go to bed. Uncle Mike, I hope you won't disappear for another 7 years."
I went to my room, and laid down on my bed. I really must have been tired, because, surprisingly, I fell asleep quickly.
Josh
I swear, I almost had a heart attack when Justin walked in on us. He yelled, and told me that I need to find another room, and then he left. I was afraid that Noah would freak out and want to leave, but when I looked at him, he just smiled slightly and said, "Well, that killed the mood," which made us both laugh. But then he turned serious and said, "I'm sorry you have to deal with a roommate like him; are you going to be ok staying here?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine. I already asked if I could move to another room when he started with his homophobic shit, and they told me they didn't have another room available, so he'll just have to live with me."
"What about moving in with me? I don't have a roommate."
"I would, but when I asked about changing dorms, they said they couldn't do that for insurance reasons, or something like that, and that they could consider it after this semester."
"Well, what about moving, and not telling them?"
"I would, but if they find out, I could lose my scholarship."
"Oh, well, we wouldn't want that would we?" he asked, while lowering his mouth to mine. I didn't answer, because I couldn't talk with his tongue in my mouth. I guess I was tired, because the last thing I remember doing is kissing him before I fell asleep.
When I woke up, Noah was lying with his head on my chest, with one of his legs on top of me, and the first thing that came to my mind was how nice it felt to wake up with him next to me. I looked over to Justin's bed, and it didn't look like he had been here. It was Saturday, so I assumed he probably stayed at his house, since it wasn't far from here.
I looked over at Noah, and he looked so peaceful, that I didn't want to disturb him, but then I got an idea. I kissed his forehead, then his eyes, his nose, both cheeks, his chin, and then his mouth, and then I thought, `what the hell', and started nibbling on his ears, and then down to his neck, and he started moaning! I looked up, and could tell he was still asleep, so I just lifted his shirt, and started licking and kissing his nipples, and that earned me a groan, along with a "that's a nice way to wake up." He pulled me back up and kissed me. "I have got to take a shower; I feel nasty. Want to join me?"
I laughed, "You know we can't do anything in the shower; others could walk in on us."
"I didn't say we had to do anything, but there's nothing wrong with looking!"
I looked at the clock - 8:42; there is no way others would be up at this time on a Saturday, so I said, "Ok, lets go!"
When we got there, I looked around; no people; yes! I looked at Noah, grinning, and I started slowly, teasingly stripping, as he did the same. By the time we got in the shower, we were both hard. The showers were open, with just different shower heads, so we got under separate ones, but we were next to each other. I started washing my hair, but my eyes were locked on Noah and his on me. I was so turned on, I was leaking, and I knew I would have to do something about it, and when I looked, I noticed Noah was in the same condition. I started soaping up, but when I got to my cock, I purposely spent too long there, before going back up to my chest. Noah repeated the same thing, and he huskily said, "I'll wash your back if you'll wash mine." I nodded, and turned around. He washed my back, but didn't stop there; he washed my ass, too, and then my legs. He looked around, and then turned me around, and bent over and took just the head of my dick into his mouth, swiping his tongue along it, and then pulled away, and turned around. I just stood there; I couldn't get myself to move, and when I didn't do anything for a minute, he turned around and looked at me, and laughing, said, "Well, aren't you going to wash my back, too?"
"Uhh...umm, yeah of course." I took the soap from him, and washed his back, and then I washed his ass, and then I thought, `well, if he can do it, so can I,' and I looked around, and seeing no one, I turned him around and did the same to him as he had done to me. He smiled at me, and then ran a finger along his cock, looked around, and then grabbed his cock and started stroking. God, that's hot! I almost came just from seeing him do that! I grabbed my cock and started stroking. We stood there watching each other, and when we were both close, Noah walked the couple of feet over to me and took my cock into his hand, and I took his in mine, and we kissed, as we finished each other off. When I came, it was explosive, and my knees were weak. I could tell Noah was in the same shape, because we were leaning on each other. After we recovered, we rinsed off, dried off, and then headed back to my room. Then, as if we were thinking the same thing, we laid down on my bed, completely naked, and Noah wrapped himself around me, laid his head on my chest, and we fell back to sleep.
Noah
When Justin found us kissing, I'll admit that I was nervous. I didn't know what he was capable of, but when he just yelled and left, I relaxed. I really wanted Josh to move in with me, but when he explained why he couldn't, I understood. Somehow, we fell asleep kissing. I woke up to Josh licking my nipples. I swear there is a direct connection from my nipples to my dick, because I was instantly half hard. I told him I wanted to take a shower, and asked him to join me.
When we got there, we teasingly stripped and got in the shower. I don't know what made me say it, but I told him I'd wash his back if he would wash mine. I got brave by taking the head of his cock in my mouth, and I really wanted to take more, but I didn't want to take the chance of getting caught. I think he was shocked, because when I turned around to get my back washed, he just stood there. To my surprise, he took me into his mouth for a second. I needed relief, and fast, so I started jerking off, and Josh joined me. I decided I wanted to finish him off myself, so that is just what I did. After we finished our shower, we headed back to his room, and I laid my head on his chest and fell asleep again. I could get used to this.
Josh
I was awakened by the door opening. Noah and I were both still in bed, and still naked, so I quickly grabbed the blanket and covered us up.
"Hey," Justin said.
"Hey."
"Listen, I'm sorry. I'm really screwed up right now, and I don't really want to go into it, but I found out something about my past which could be the reason why I've been so homophobic; I'm not trying to make an excuse. I know how I've been acting is wrong, and I can't say that I'm ok with you and other gay people, but I can tell you that I'm gonna work on it; just please be patient, ok?" Not waiting for me to say anything, he continued, "I don't expect you to believe me, but I wasn't like this a few weeks ago; it was like a trigger was set off inside me, and now I have to try to figure out how to go back to how I was before. We have got to figure out some way of letting each other know when we have someone over, because I don't want to walk in on you again, and I'm sure you feel the same with me."
"Ok, I'll try to understand, but you've got to understand where I'm coming from, too. I've lived with you for the past few weeks, and almost every day, I've had to listen to your homophobic comments. You have to meet me half way on this; all I ask is that you try to watch what you say when you are around me. I can't move out, because there are no more rooms available; believe me, I checked after you made a few comments that first week, so you're stuck with me until at least the end of the semester. We have a bulletin board on our door; how about we pin a piece of paper, with an `x' on it if we have someone over?"
"Yeah, ok, that works, and I'll try, I really will. I really want to try to be friends with you, and you too, Noah."
He was so quiet, I almost forgot he was there, but he replied, "I would too."
"Ok," Justin replied, smiling.
Justin
I apologized to Josh, but I have to admit that I still felt a lot of hatred for gay people, and I still felt the need to hit some of them, but I just took a deep breath, and reminded myself that they were human, just like me, and they didn't deserve violence.
About a week after finding out what happened to me, that guy, who had checked me out, passed by me on his way to the shower. When we were in the locker room, and when I had passed him, he reached out and pinched my butt. I forgot all about self control, and grabbed him and punched him. I kept punching him, and it was like I was watching myself do it; like I had no way of stopping myself. I felt hands around me, pulling me away, and I looked down at the guy - he was bleeding, and I pushed away the guys who were holding me. I felt sick; I ran to the bathroom and threw up, then went to the sink and washed out my mouth, and took some water, and washed my face. I can't believe I lost control, and all over him pinching my butt. I looked into the mirror, and that's when my actions really hit me. I literally sank to the floor; I was laying there curled up on the floor, sobbing, when everything went black...
**Authors Note
So there you go the explanation to why Justin is like he is. I know a lot of you thought he might be gay and while that happens a lot in both stories and real life I had decided early on that I wanted Justin to be straight. I never planned for him to be as angry as he was but when I ended up writing him that way I knew that to explain his actions he would either have to be gay or something drastic had to have happened to him. Not wanting him to be gay I chose the latter and while it is a disturbing thing to talk about, I chose it so that there would be a reasonable explanation for his homophobic behavior.
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You can contact me through the group or by emailing me at stories_of_sam@yahoo.com
Thanks for all the emails I've received!
Thank you to my editor for fixing the many problems each chapter has before you read it.