John and Mateo

Okay here is another chapter of J and M. Remeber that his is an adult homo-erotic story. If you're not into guys kissing and having sex then this is not the story for you. You must be of legal age to read this. Please proceed with caution. hehe....I'd love to hear what you think. David

John and Mateo

Chapter 32

"BEGIN!" Maestro Claude Chaney shouted as the orchestra leap into action. The music today was the Russian Sailor's Dance. Maestro Chaney was a guest conductor, a colleague and fellow professor to Professor Graham. He was invited to conduct one piece and to everyone's surprise he picked an unknown piece. His unconventional method of conducting took a little while to get used to. John and his fellow musicians were used to the style of Professor Graham. Professor Graham would lift his hands give the up beat and the orchestra would begin and follow him. Cheney's method was at best, a little strange. Besides using the word "begin," he didn't give the up beat just the down beat. It took a few tries but the orchestra quickly adapted to his method of conducting. The fast paced music filled the classroom as the orchestra played. From John's position, the small stature of the conductor resulted in John not being able to see him clearly. He was having a hard time seeing the man and didn't have an idea as to how to solve his problem. As the music progressed there were a few times when Chaney sped up or slowed down. Normally John would be able to following any timing but not being able to see the man was not working at all.

"Stop, stop, STOP!" Maestro Chaney held up his hands and stomped his feet. He waved his hands at the bewildered musicians. "No one is watching me! I feel like you all are fighting me with the tempo. Don't rely on the music in front of you. You all sound like a jumbled mess. No one in listening to each other." he said as he placed his baton on the podium making sure that he made enough noise to command the attention of the entire orchestra. "String section, all of you were off since measure 5. I felt like the piece was dragging. The counter point rhythm at the beginning is very dependant on you. If you can't keep up with me then get out!" John heard a few gasps from the violin section. He turned to the cellos and double bass section. Ladies and gentlemen at measure 30 you have the stage. It's your job to introduce the listening audience to the Russian Sailors. You have to imagine big burly Russian Sailors covered with thick hair on their arms, muscles everywhere, and necks like tree trunks. Theses sailors are drunk on vodka dancing around with loose women. Celli, you have to almost feel drunk as you play that section. Drag your bow across your strings as a man would slur his words when he's drunk. Bass section you're the back bone. Support the celli and we'll all get along just fine. The way all of you were playing it sounded like theses Russian sailors were prancing around in a field of daisies. If you can't follow my instructions, you can pack up and leave the room." The members of the orchestra were clearly getting irritated at this man.

Without another word he picked up his baton, "BEGIN!"

Once again the orchestra leap into action. This time the music began and seemed to flow a little better. John still felt that he needed to position himself to where he could see the man better. He stopped playing and moved the piano bench.

"STOP!" Chaney bellowed. His face tinted a bright crimson. Once again his baton hit the podium, "Piano, are you with us?" He directed his question to John.

"Sorry sir, I can't see you from where I have the piano bench." John silently wished he were a few inches taller. His small frame still frustrated him at times.

"Well, let's all wait for the piano to get to where he can see me," Chaney whined. "Young man can you tell me why you waited all this time before you decided to interrupt the class, and waste not only my time but the time of your fellow class mates?"

John didn't have an answer, "I'm sorry sir, and it will only take me a moment to make the adjustments. John turned his attention back to adjusting his position.

Chaney turned toward Professor Graham, "Robert, I think I'm going to leave out the piano from this piece." He turned his attention back to John, "Young man you may leave."

John didn't know what to do. He looked at his professor for any sign of help. Professor Graham stood, "Claude, do you think that is really necessary?" His attempt to help John was brushed aside with a wave of the hand from Chaney.

"I'm the conductor, and I don't want a piano in my piece!" He ran his hand through his graying hair. "You are no longer needed piano, you may leave," he said dismissing John.

John closed the piano and gathered his music; he grabbed his music bag and left the classroom. He felt the moisture in his eyes and quickened his step to leave the room before anyone could see the tears. As the door closed, he could hear once again hear the now dreadful word, "BEGIN!"

Orchestra class was John's last class for the day. He was still stunned from what happened in class. He didn't know why the professor treated him like that. He didn't think that he was interrupting the class with his actions. He felt that he was treated as if he were an idiot and he didn't like it one bit. He decided to take a walk around campus to clear his mind and cool his temper. The cool autumn breeze blew through his sweater and caused a chill as he walked around the campus. Autumn was his favorite time of year. He loved the changing colors of the trees. The beautiful yellow, red, and orange leaves fluttered to the ground losing their battle against the breeze that demanded their release from their branches. The beautiful changing of the trees lifted John's spirit. He walked around the campus in need of a dose of peace and quiet.

"Hey John." He heard a familiar voice and stopped.

John turned to see Aaron walking to catch up with him. Aaron had just left his chemistry class.

"Hey Aaron, what's up?"

"Not much I just finished for the day." He looked at John's countenance. "Are you OK? Is something wrong?"

"Are you like a mind reader or something?" John asked his friend.

Aaron answered, "Not really. It's just that you don't have any classes on this side of the campus and shouldn't you be in your music class? I have to say that you don't look very happy." Aaron touched his shoulder. "Would you like to join me for a cup a tea?"

"Yes, I would like that very much. I think I need something warm," he said as his body shuddered from the chill in the air.

Over the course of the thirty minutes John told him what had happened in class. He began to feel a little down again as he relayed the story to Aaron.

"That's terrible John. I'm really sorry that you were treated that way."

John felt a little better knowing that Aaron had an understanding of what he was going through. "I have no clue why he treated me like that. He treated me like I was some sort of sub-human being.

"What are you going to do?" Aaron asked.

John answered, "I guess I'm out of that piece, but that's OK." He shrugged his shoulders, "There's a lot of music out there. It's not a great loss. I'll get over it," he smiled finally feeling better about the whole situation. "But I'm going to talk to Professor Graham about it."

"That's a good idea," Aaron said.

John smiled, "Thanks for letting me vent to you Aaron."

"No problem, I'm glad I could help." He looked at his watch. "I have to get going. Patrick wants to get to the restaurant a little early."

They both stood and shared a hug, "I'll see you later John."

"See you later." John said as he watched Aaron walk away.

Jimmy Warner lay on his bed reading his history assignment. This bed was in his new room, a new room which was in a new house. He now had a new family, a new life, and a new beginning. He was still adjusting to his life here with his new dads and brother. It took him only a few hours to decide about the offer made by Ted and Carl. He felt so comfortable with both of his foster dads. He really didn't know the reason he felt so at ease with them but he didn't want to question a good thing. Snake had been the best big brother. The rest of the guys were also very welcoming. He still missed his parents. He could still close his eyes and hear their voices. He could still smell his mother's perfume, and his father's aftershave. His heart ached as he dealt with his loss. Being surrounded by Snake and the guys gave him a sense of belonging. He didn't feel as if he had to deal with the pain of losing everything alone. He had his new family and friends to help him deal with the pain and loss and he was very grateful. Ted's words ran through his mind.

"Your parents will always be with you as long as you keep their memory in your heart." Ted had reassured him. "I promise that your pain will lessen. Time will take of that. Until then, you have your new family to lean on."

Jimmy had felt better after his talk with his new foster dad. He was glad he made the decision to join the Stewart-Collins family.

It was after the funeral when he found out about his parents life insurance policies. He was listed as sole beneficiary on both policies. They only spoke about the policies once before when he was about thirteen years old. He was told that he would be taken care of in the event of their death. Being so young at the time Jimmy simply forgot about the insurance policies. He hadn't remembered them or the amount of the policies until his parent's lawyer gave him the paper work. The money, which totaled in the range of five million dollars, would be held in a trust for him until his twenty-first birthday. Another five hundred thousand would be used for investments that his dad had set up. Jimmy's father was an investment banker and knew what he was doing when he set up Jimmy's account. His parent's wishes were for him to use the money in the investment account for college.

Jimmy had wished he had the brain for banking but he just didn't have the slightest desire for it. Both Ted and Carl had told him that he didn't have to really worry about it right at the moment. The money would basically work on its own and grow as it was meant to do.

"I just want to be a normal guy. I don't want to complicate my life with all this money," Jimmy confessed to his foster dads. "Will you help me with this?"

"We're here for you anytime you need us. Remember that OK?" Carl responded to his question.

Jimmy was pulled out of his thoughts as he heard his name being called from down stairs. He quickly descended the stairs in answer to Carl's call.

He came into the living room to find Curtis. He suddenly remembered that he was going to take a run with him.

"Hey Jimmy, did you forget that we had a running date?"

"Hi Cutis," Jimmy blushed, "Yeah, I forgot. Just give me a minute to change and I'll be right down.

"It's getting cool outside so dress for the weather." Curtis said.

"Sure thing, be right back." Jimmy said as he bounded back up the stairs and into his room.

Jimmy had met Curtis three weeks ago, after the funeral. John and Mateo had a private gathering at their place for close friends and family. They hit it off when Jimmy found out that Curtis was into running and enjoyed it as much he did. They had planned to start running together.

Up in his room Jimmy quickly changed. He pulled on a jock strap and a pair of Under Armor Cold weather black tights. He liked the freedom of tights as opposed to the confines of some of the other types of running gear, it felt like he didn't have anything on as he ran and the tight fabric helped support the muscles in his legs. He changed into a Nike t-shirt and placed a fleece sleeveless vest over his upper body. Within minutes Jimmy was down in his running gear. It surprised both Carl and Curtis when they saw what he was wearing. He didn't show the slightest bit of modesty. Most of the younger people seemed to wear everything baggy and Jimmy's tights were the extreme opposite. Both Carl and Curtis shrugged their shoulders.

"C'mon stud, let's go." Curtis said.

"I'm ready;" Jimmy said with enthusiasm in his voice. He was looking forward to this run. In the past running always seemed to make him feel better. With the added stress in his life he needed to release some tension.

Both man and teenager ran about 4 miles before they stopped to do a bit of stretching. They decided to run in the park and had stopped to use one of the benches to help them stretch out their legs.

"How are you doing?" Curtis asked Jimmy. He had been quiet while running and Curtis was wondering how the young man was doing.

"I'm good. This is what I needed. I miss running. I usually do it everyday.

Is your arm OK? Not too much for you is it?"

"It's a little sore but not too bad. My ribs are doing also good. I thought I'd have more problems with them, but they feel OK." Jimmy smiled.

That's good. You let me know if you're in any kind of pain." Curtis looked at his wrist watch. "What do you say we call it quits? We're all supposed to meet up at Dominick's at six-thirty."

"What time is it?" Jimmy asked.

"It's four now. By the time we get back it'll be four-thirty"

"Not if we run." Jimmy smiled.

"It that a challenge young man?" Curtis returned the smile.

"Maybe it is. I don't know, you're kinda old and I wouldn't want to take advantage of you." Jimmy started to laugh.

"I'll show you who is old." Curtis took off very quickly. He started heading towards "Jimmy's new home.

"HEY! That's cheating!" Jimmy yelled as he took off after Curtis. "I didn't even say `Go'."

Curtis turned his head back over his shoulder, "That's what you get for calling me OLD!"

John finally arrived home. Mateo had only arrived about five minutes before him. The coach was feeling generous and allowed the team to leave early. The end of the week was here and they looked forward to seeing their friends that evening. Everyone's schedule finally seemed to fall together so that they could meet up at Dominick's for the official welcoming of Jimmy to the family.

John shared with Mateo about what had taken place in class. Mateo wasn't happy.

"I think we need to go over there on Monday and straighten things out,' his voice was clearly irritated. "He has no right to treat you that way."

John smiled to himself. He felt very fortunate to have Mateo as his protector. "I plan on talking with Professor Graham on Monday during his office hours.

"I would ask for an apology from that man." Mateo said.

"I will babe, don't worry about it." John smiled.

Mateo moved to him and took him in his arms. "You know that I worry about you." He placed his forehead against John's. "I would kick that teacher's ass if you want me to." He smiled.

"You would not. You're too nice." John giggled.

Mateo looked off into space thinking about his next response, "Yeah, you're right. I would never do that. But still he should have never said anything like that to you. What gives him the right to treat people like that? Like he's some kind of music god?"

John wrapped his arms around Mateo, "My knight in shining amour." Their lips touched. The kiss began heating up. John felt Mateo's hardness against his leg.

"Is that for me?" He asked as he gave it a squeeze, sending a jolt of electricity up Mateo's spine.

"It's all for you baby," he replied.

John leaned in for another kiss. He lightly touched Mateo's full lips. "You taste so good."

Mateo groaned in response as he pressed his body against his boy. His arms surrounded John's smaller body. Their lips touched again as their bodies melted together. Mateo fumbled with John's belt in a desperate attempt to rid him of his clothes. John's hands slid under Mateo's shirt to find the warm skin of his lover. He pushed the shirt up and over Mateo's head to reveal the upper torso of his love. His lips quickly found Mateo's right nipple and began to nibble at the small brown nub. Mateo groaned when he felt his nipple being engulfed by John's mouth. His placed his hand on the back of John's head and encouraged him to continue. John stepped out of his jeans. His sexy black boxer briefs still held his growing cock. In seconds his shirt was off and discarded to the floor with his jeans. His lips were still attached to Mateo's nipple as he began to unzip Mateo's pants. They were both in their underwear. Mateo moved his hands to the waistband of his own white bikini briefs.

"Wait, let me do that." John said in a husky voice and he lowered himself to his knees.

The outline of Mateo's cock caused John to release a low groan. He looked up at Mateo's face as he leaned in and placed his lips on the cloth covered member.

"Oh baby!" Mateo hissed as he felt the heat from John's lips.

John moved his mouth up and down the hard shaft driving Mateo insane. His right hand began to fondle the balls that were still encased in the tight material of Mateo's briefs. His mouth quickly followed his hands and John licked his balls. The front of Mateo's briefs were now wet with a mixture of John's saliva and Mateo's precum. John's hands began to play with Mateo's ass as his continued his assault on his cock and balls.

Finally after minutes of torture, John pulled down Mateo's briefs. His huge cock sprung up and hit his abs as it was released from its prison. John's tongue traveled up the shaft until it found the head of Mateo's cock. The head slowly entered his mouth. Mateo looked down as the head and about two inches of his cock slid into John's mouth.

"Aaaaah," Mateo said as he felt the warm mouth.

"Tastes so good baby," John said. His blue eyes locked onto Mateo's brown pools. He reached for Mateo's hand and pulled him down onto the floor. They laid on the carpet kissing.

John moved his body over Mateo's into a sixty nine position. Mateo quickly pulled down John's boxer briefs. His mouth was hungry for John.

He didn't have to wait long. John's cock was in his mouth in seconds. His hands played with John's ass as he feasted on his cock. He loved the sweet taste of John's member.

John was working his own magic on Mateo's dick. He loved trying to deep throat the nine inches of Latin meat. Mateo moaned at John's valiant effort.

John moved his body up so that his ass was closer to Mateo's mouth. He looked back, "Get me ready."

That's all that was said as Mateo began to work on his lover's tight hole. He loved working on John's ass. John went crazy as he felt Mateo's mouth.

"Oh yeah baby, that feels so good. Get me ready." John panted. He turned his attention back to Mateo's now dripping cock.

Mateo continued his work on John's hole for another five minutes. John finally couldn't take it any more. He moved so that his body was in position to take Mateo.

Mateo moved on top of John. He looked into his eyes asking the unspoken question.

John's eyes were grazed over with lust. He nodded in response to Mateo's question. He lifted his legs and held them to his chest.

Mateo began to enter John. He leaned down and placed his lips onto his lover's. John's arms surrounded Mateo's neck. His mouth opened to allow Mateo's tongue in. As he was opening his mouth, Mateo's cock opened his ass.

John's mouth was agape as he felt Mateo enter him. "Uhhhhhh!"

Mateo looked into John's eyes. He continued to enter him when he saw no signs of discomfort. He loved being inside John. "Do you like that?" He asked.

"Oh yes!" came the reply. "I love it. And I LOVE you!"

John released his legs from his chest and encircled Mateo's waist.

"Make love to me baby." John whispered.

Mateo increased the speed of his thrusts. Their bodies were moving in rhythm as they continued their love making. Both of the bodies began to heat up and a sheen of sweat made their skin shine.

Mateo turned his attention onto hitting John's prostate. He knew just what to do. He heard John yelp as he hit his target.

It only took a few minutes and John couldn't take any more. "I'm going to cum baby!"

Mateo increased his speed. "Come on baby, cum for me."

"UHHHH!" John's sperm shot out of his cock. It hit Mateo in the face and then continued to cover his chest and stomach.

This was too much Mateo and with one last deep thrust his body shuddered in orgasm. He released his hot seed into the body of his lover. John felt the hot cum in his body. "Yeah!"

Mateo's body collapsed onto John. "Oh baby, that was fantastic!" Mateo said.

After a few seconds their breathing finally returned to normal. They were still lying on the living room floor when Mateo glanced at the clock. "Shit! We're going to be late. We have half an hour to get to the restaurant. He lifted his body off of John's. The dried cum acted like glue and pulled at their skin.

"Ouch, that hurts," John said feeling his skin being pulled.

"Sorry babe, but we have to shower and get dressed." Mateo said as he stood up. His naked body stood over John. He leaned down and gave John his hand. "C'mon sleeping beauty, we need to get our asses in gear."

"My ass is broken after you finished with it." John said with a grin.

"I didn't hear you complaining." Mateo said smiling back.

"It hurt soooooo good." John laughed.

"C'mon, shower time." Mateo said as he turned toward the bathroom.

John jumped onto his back, "Giddy up!"

"Now you're pushing it." Mateo tried to sound angry.

"C'mon horsy, giddy up!" John laughed as he continued to ride Mateo.

Mateo whinnied like a horse, blew air threw his lips, and trotted into the bathroom.

At Dominick's, Gino and PT had just put the finishing touches on the back room as everyone started to arrive. They had spent the afternoon making sure that the room sparkled for the gathering. The first to arrive were Snake and Aaron followed by Jacob and Curtis. Mamma Anna greeted everyone with her customary bear hug and kiss on the cheek. Jacob needed oxygen after one of her hugs. Cutis enjoyed the sight of his boyfriend turning blue. Seconds later he was in the same situation. Jacob grinned when he watched Curtis receive his hug.

Snake came up to Jacob and Curtis.

"I have a favor to ask you Jake."

"Sure what is it?"

Snake blushed, "Aaron and I have been practicing a song to sing for Jimmy tonight and we were wondering if you can play for us. I know its last minute but we didn't have any time to ask you earlier. Snake handed him a sheet of music.

"I know this song. I'd be happy to play for you. Do you want to go over it before everyone gets here?" he asked.

"That would be great." Snake replied looking relieved.

Jacob turned towards Curtis, "I'll be right back babe."

Curtis leaned in for a quick peck on Jacob's lips, "I'll be here," he smiled.

Jacob's eyes beamed, "OK."

Five minutes later Jacob returned to Curtis' side, "You miss me?" He asked.

Curtis smiled, "Of course." He leaned in for a kiss, "Would you like something to drink?"

"I'd like an iced tea." Jacob replied.

"Be right back." Curtis headed for the small bar in the corner of the room.

Ted, Carl, and Jimmy arrived next. Everyone was talking and visiting with each other when John and Mateo finally arrived.

"It's about time you both showed up," PT said as he walked up to the duo.

"We lost track of the time." John said as his face blushed.

"Is that the best you can do?" PT asked as he chuckled.

Mateo smiled, "Yeah that's the best we can do."

PT shook his head, "I thought I taught you better."

"I tried." Mateo said as he placed his arm around John's shoulders. "Things happen when you're in love."

PT glanced at Gino across the room, "I know what you mean bro. C'mon, Mamma is looking for more help in the kitchen."

PT, Gino, John, and Mateo left the room to help Mamma in the kitchen.

After another great meal everyone sat and visited. Finally Ted and Carl made their way to the platform that would serve as their stage.

Carl spoke, "We first want to thank Mamma and Pappa De Angelo for another great meal. I think I gained at least five pounds tonight."

Everyone clapped at the mention of the food.

"Es good for you to eat, you is too skinny!" Mamma said as she blew Carl a kiss.

"Yes, Mamma I'll try to eat more of your great cooking," he replied.

The smile on Mamma's face showed him her gratitude.

Carl continued, "But seriously folks we're here tonight to welcome James Warner to our family. Ted and I are very fortunate to have our son Snake with us. We have learned from each other about the love a family can give to each other. I know that Ted and I have changed. That change was because of Snake. It's the best feeling in the world to share with someone the support and love of a family." His voice cracked a little as he continued, "We have learned to love Snake as our own son and I'm very happy that we can spread our arms and welcome Jimmy into our family."

Ted placed his arm around Carl's waist, "We have been blessed to have a young man in our lives. We were new fathers with Snake. I hope that we can be the best dads for you Jimmy.

"You guys are the best!" Snake yelled from his chair.

"Thank you son," Ted replied. He turned his face to Jimmy. "Jimmy, we want to promise to you that we will be here for you. We will be here to try and answer your questions about life, to support you in your decisions that you will face." Ted looked at Carl, "Do you want to say anything else?"

Carl spoke, "Jimmy we want to welcome you to the Collins-Stewart family. We love you son and we hope that you will be happy with us. I know we can never replace your parents. Honestly we hope that we never do. All we want is for you to be happy."

Everyone applauded. Jimmy wiped way the tears. Everyone in the room seemed to have the same problem. There wasn't a dry eye in the room.

"Now Jimmy we have a real surprise for you. Snake and Aaron have something to share with you." Carl said

Snake and Aaron moved to the platform. The room was quiet as Snake began to speak, "I want to share with you a story. When I was five or six years old I remember a night when there was a really big storm. I mean the lightening and thunder shook the house." He looked around the room at all the people that loved him. He cleared his throat and continued, "I remember that my dad was off on some trip for work. My mom and I were home alone. I was so scared that I ran into my mom's room and stood at her bed. She looked at me and lifted the covers of her bed. Her bed was so warm. I jumped in and latched myself to her side. She told me not to be afraid. She told me that God was watching over me and he would always be near me. She reached for a book on her night stand." Snake held up a tattered red book. The binding was loose and looked like it would crumble into dust at any second. On the cover of the book in worn gold lettering, was the word, `Hymnal'. "This is the same book" A tear ran down his face, "It's one of the last things that I have that was hers. I know that's it sucks that you lost your parents and you might feel like you're all alone, but I want you to know that you are surrounded by love." He paused for a second and continued. "Jimmy I want to share the song with you that my mama shared with me. She used to go to church all the time and when I found out that she had cancer." He stopped once again as tears began to roll down his cheeks. "I thought my life was over. She was the only thing good in my life. I remember that first night after I found out. I cried myself to sleep. The next day she shared this song with me again. She told me that she would always be with me. That I'd never be alone and she would always be watching over me from heaven." He looked directly at Jimmy. He could see the watery eyes of his new brother. He saw the pain in his eyes. "Just remember that your mom and dad are watching over you."

Snake looked over to Jacob and gave him the signal to come up to the platform. Jacob took a minute to clear the tears that had formed in his eyes from the speech Snake had shared. The soft beautiful music began.

Snake and Aaron's voices blended together as they sang in perfect harmony. This was the first time that either of them had sung before anyone and everyone marveled at the clarity of their voices. Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come, Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home, When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He: His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me; His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me. Refrain I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free, For His eye is on the sparrow, And I know He watches me. "Let not your heart be troubled," His tender word I hear, And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears; Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see; His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me; His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me. Refrain Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise, When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies, I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free; His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me; His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me. When they ended the song the room was silent. The only noise they heard was from the restaurant. Jimmy walked up to the platform. "That's the best song I've ever heard. Thank you." He opened his arms and hugged Aaron and then Snake. His eyes glistened with tears, "I'm glad that you're my big brother," he whispered into Snake's ear. Snake replied back, "Me too, little brother, me too."

Wow that was a tear jerker at the end. I have to tell you that I was writing the last part of the story in a coffee shop in Long Beach and as I wrote my nose was running and my eyes were watery. I cried into my iced mocha. Hehe I hope you all enjoyed this last part of John and Mateo. Thank you all for the encouraging emails from the last chapter. I really do appreciate every single one. Thank you all for letting me know your thoughts! What a wonder thing to know that people like my story. I do promise to write more of John and Mateo. As the holidays approach so does my work load at work. Please be patient as I will try to continue to write.

We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward.