Hello friends!
I know it's been a while but things have been crazy lately. I hope you enjoy this new chapter as much as I did. Don?t forget to contact me at 69.avid.reader@gmail.com
Love, Joey ----------
Joey's Tale
Chapter 8
?I don?t know what to think, Sarah.? I said as we made our way to school the next week. "What Dylan and I have is amazing and I don't want to ruin it, but I can't stop myself from picturing how it would be like to be held by those beautiful arms and lose myself in his blue eyes."
"Oh my God, Joey. You're an even bigger drama queen than I am" Sarah said laughing. "What you had, young man, is a wet dream and it's perfectly normal for boys your age. There are thousands of cute boys that will pass your way, but it's up to you if you decide to do anything about it. I think that the fact that you don't throw yourself at Phillipe's feet every time you see his delicious body is proof enough that you'd rather be with Dylan."
Aside from Mary and my mom, Sarah was my favorite person in the world to talk to about my problems. She was incredible mature for her age and would always have the answers.
"Maybe you're right" I said.
"Of course I am" she answered and we both laughed as we got off the bus.
There he was, my one and only. MY Boyfriend. Looking incredibly sexy in his tight polo and dark jeans. His face broke into a huge smile as he saw me and lifted me off my feet in a huge hug, easily the best way to start off the day.
Dylan hugged for so long I had to run to get to Spanish class or I would be late, and Ms. Oliviera was really strict with that sort of thing. I took my usual seat in the back next to Alex who was already there. He seemed pretty happy this morning; actually Alex had been acting particularly cheerful the last couple of weeks, and we all hadn't really noticed. I discussed it with Dylan, who though maybe he finally got over whatever was bothering him. I really hoped so.
"Hey there" said the note I passed to him, "what's new?"
"Nothing, why? What have you heard? Great news I hope." He wrote back with a grin.
"Well, not yet, but you could always be the first to tell me. Is this the reason why you're so happy today?" I asked.
Alex just smiled and started repeating after Ms. Oliviera in mock interest. Whatever it was I couldn't get it out of him but I was at ease knowing that it made him this happy and playful. My classes went by pretty fast, I mustn't have been paying much attention, because before I noticed it was time for lunch. I came in to find Dylan talking to one of his teammates. He seemed pretty upset. I came up to him from behind his back and sneaked a hug. He bolted and turned around looking angry.
I stepped back a bit, scared at his reaction. In that fraction of a second I could see in his eyes how quickly his shock became regret and his stare became those beautiful greays welcoming me, the way I usually saw him in return. He stepped towards me and hugged me kindly, not exerting any pressure. I returned the hug eagerly, and decided to let this little incident pass. I just could not resist his embrace, his strong manly arms covering me gently but completely. The warmth and softness of his skin clashing against his hard muscles, I could just lose myself when he held me like that.
He said goodbye to his friend who smiled politely at me and left hurriedly.
"What was that about, Dylan?" I asked as we sat down at our table.
"Nothing, just some stupid thing the coach said at practice, it's not important." He dismissed it in a tone that suggested he did care but did not want to discuss it any further.
I was thinking about what could be troubling my boyfriend when the rest of my friends came in. Sarah and Lacey, who seemed to have a lot of fresh gossip, quickly distracted me.
"É and everybody knows she adores Trevor, but she?s been with Sam for ages. Ugh, I hate how she plays with them, and everyone can see it except for the two of them?" Said Lacey frustrated referring to Michelle Campbell, a senior in our school.
"Maybe they don?t want to see." Said Alex. "Maybe they just prefer to live pretending they are the only one she loves."
"Wow, that's beautiful, Alex, and pretty sad." Said Lacey. "I think that as much as ignorance is bliss, it is not fair for them to be treated like that. I for one wouldn't tolerate it."
"That's no surprise, honey." Said Chris smiling. They were so adorable together.
Lunch was over and Sarah and I had History together. We were about to enter the classroom when she said "hey look!" and ran to where some people had started to gather.
I ran behind her and stood on my toes to try and see what was the big deal. Ms. Williams had to squeeze between the students before they pinned her to the bulletin board. She saw me as she left and winked at me excitedly. Sarah pinched my arm and started screaming as she pulled me to the front and then I saw the list.
This year's Musical
Spring Awakening
Cast
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Wendla = Michelle Campbell
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Melchior = Trevor Baker
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Moritz = Charles Zimmerman
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Ilse = Vanessa Putney
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Hanschen = Phillipe Charbonneau
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Ernst = Joseph Weaver
The ensemble will audition for the other roles. Congratulations to this year's musical stars!
I could not believe it!! This was incredible, beyond amazing!! I was going to be on this year's musical as one of the main characters! I mean, I know it's not the main role, but still, Ernst is such a lovable boy. His story is a ray of light amidst the despair of the other character's lives, when he finds love in the arms of Hanschen. Oh no?
"OH MY GOD!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!! I knew it! I just knew you would nail it! I'm so proud of you, Joey!" screamed Sarah as she hugged me tightly and led me to our classroom. We took our seats in the back and started discussing the rest of the cast. Michelle was a shoe-in for the lead role; she was our local star with an amazing voice, but also a famous diva attitude. We were both surprised about Trevor getting the male lead, but what we both found interesting was that Charles and not Phillipe got the part of Moritz.
"I mean Charles is pretty good looking and has a great voice, but he doesn't have Phillipe's charisma" she said. "Maybe it's just an age thing, Charles got it because he's a year older."
"Yeah probably." I said.
My brain was working on double speed. On one hand I was really excited to be casted as one of the leads, but the character was a tricky one. Hanschen and Ernst lived in a much tougher time than mine, and yet they still surpassed their obstacles because of their love for each other. But even if today's society is more tolerant and accepting than the one depicted in the play, I still felt really nervous standing up in front of the whole school and singing about it. I mean, I wasn't trying to hide anything or ashamed of anything, but the crowd's reaction to our characters may not be the best. And that's just it, OUR characters. In the play, Hanschen seduces young Ernst and kisses him passionately as they discover these forbidden emotions for another boy. How will Dylan take it when I sing about Phillipe's body touching mine? This was definitely a bittersweet victory.
As I finished my classes for the day I went to the parking lot to wait for Steve to drive me home. He too had heard the good news apparently because he had a huge grin we he saw me.
"A star is born!" he said as he high-fived me. "Are you too big to be seen with me now or can we still be friends?"
I laughed "don't be stupid, just don't talk to me in front of people, and pretend you're just my driver" I joked.
As we headed home Steve asked me to tell him what the musical was about, so I started to explain how the story goes and who would play each character. When I told him I had a kissing scene with another boy he grew tense.
"So you're gonna be kissing another dude in front of everyone? Are you sure about this, Joey? I mean its not that I have a problem with it, and a lot of people already know you and Dylan are dating, its just, are you sure parading it in front of everyone is a smart move?" He asked worriedly.
I didn't answer immediately. I'm sure we were both thinking about the same thing. There had once been a time when people found out about me in junior high, and let's just say things didn't work out for the best. I shivered at the thought as memory after horrible memory came clashing before my eyes as waves on a stormy night. People say you get over things like this eventually. I think that after being a subject to such brutality, your body just shuts it down somewhere deep inside, trying to forget, and continues to live as if it didn't happen. Pretending you're fine is just easier than living the emotions inside you. It comes a time when it is just so much more comfortable to pretend you're ok that you believe it. You fool yourself into the idea that the person who went through what you did is far behind and you're writing a brand new story. But there's no such thing as a brand new story.
I could almost hear the thoughts coming out of Mary's head when she arrived home. She sat besides me in my room, hugged me and just stayed there as I poured my heart out. For the first time since it happened, I allowed myself to remember the rape. The sights, the smells, the sounds, the pain and the unbearable shame. Shame that you're now a broken, used toy; shame because you can never see your life in the same way; shame because even as it happened, you think you could've done something more to avoid this, but you didn't; and the worst is the shame of thinking you somehow brought this upon yourself, that it's your fault this is happening, and you probably deserve it.
When my mom got home she came in and sat on my other side without saying a word. She understood what was happening. We were there for what it may have been hours, just sitting quietly. My pain came and went. When I wasn't crying I was just breathing in and out, an empty carcass of a person.
After what seemed an eternity we started talking. First it was Mary who brought up a memory from when we were little. I almost laughed remembering how scared I was of jumping in the pool and how Mary was such a tomboy growing up. Mom remembered how we used to try and catch Santa every Christmas and how she put us in bed with a smile after we had fallen asleep. My family may not have been typical, but it was definitely perfect to me. With them by my side even the darkest of times had an upside.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'm sorry if I hadn't written anything in a long time. I'll try and keep the chapters frequent so you don't forget about my story. Please take a moment and write to me at 69.avid.reader@gmail.com with suggestions, comments or whatever it is you want. I appreciate every single email I get with kind words.
Lots of love,
Joey