Obligatory warnings and disclaimers:
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If reading this is in any way illegal where you are or at your age, or you don't want to read about male/male relationships, go away. You shouldn't be here.
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I don't know any of the celebrities in this story, and this story in no way is meant to imply anything about their sexualities, personalities, or anything else. This is a work of pure fiction.
Questions and commentary can be sent to "writerboy69@hotmail.com". I enjoy constructive criticism, praise, and rational discussion. I do not enjoy flames, and will not tolerate them.
Back to the story in progress.
Jack
"Josh, did these, um, come from the costume department?" I asked, holding up the t-shirt Josh handed to me. It was plain white, and on the front in red rhinestones were the words, "Just Married".
"I made them!" Josh said, grinning. His, black and sleeveless, had the same words, in clear sparkling rhinestones, and I couldn't help but notice how tight his was as he rolled it down over his chest. "Well, I designed them, anyway. I know it's not quite your style, but we did promise People magazine some casual after wedding photos in the package we're sending them. And it looks good with your pants."
Josh had picked out my clothes because he had packed them all, and this was the only outfit left out. Part of planning the honeymoon had included a few mystery shopping trips to get things Josh said I needed, and I had grudgingly handed over my clothing, minus a few essentials, the day before the wedding. Now that I knew where we were going, I kind of wanted my clothes back, but Josh insisted that there would still be surprises, and he wanted them left intact.
"So you're just going to ration out my clothes for me?" I asked, back when he first suggested this plan.
"Yes," he answered, opening the closet. "Don't worry. I'm not going to make you wear anything really bad, but your style could use a little push."
"Toward yours?" I asked, amused. "I'm not wearing anything made of feathers or rags, Josh."
"I know," he said, leaning forward to kiss me on the forehead. "And I won't make you wear anything really horrible, ok? I promise."
As I said, I had grudgingly agreed, wanting to humor him, and trusting him to do his best to keep his promise. After all, he did pick out a lot of clothes for me that time we had gone shopping with Justin, and he'd bought me some stuff when I was in the hospital, too. Some of it was a little different than I was used to, but none of it was really awful, and none of it was quite up there with some of the things I'd seen him wear. Josh had a really good sense of style and fashion, but every once in a while it was like something shorted out in his brain, and I wanted to pull him back into the bedroom and redress him. The t-shirt I held in my hands now, while not something I would have picked out for myself, still showed that Josh considered my wants, even if he thought I was a little stuffy. It was loose, and had sleeves, and it did go well with the red cargo pants Josh had picked out for me.
"I forgot we had to do casual shots," I said, frowning as I pulled the shirt on. "They're not staying for all of brunch, are they?"
"No, thank God," Josh said, smiling. "They want a couple shots of us holding hands and mooning around like newlyweds, and some shots of us joining everyone else at the table, and then they're out, and we send them the wedding pictures later. Do you want the sunglasses I picked out for that?"
"No, thanks," I said, looking at the pair of red human fly glasses in his hands. I had to draw a line somewhere. "I have my little black ones, and they'll do just fine."
"Maybe I'll wear these, then," he said, slipping them into his pocket. Josh looked at me thoughtfully, his head cocked to one side, his blue eyes flashing beneath his furrowing eyebrows. "Jack, are you really uncomfortable in that?"
"No, Josh," I said, walking over to him. "I think the shirts are cute. The rhinestones are a little much, but, you know, it's kind of what people expect. Just don't expect me to wear stuff like this all the time, ok?"
"OK," Josh said, draping his arms around my shoulders. His black shirt stretched temptingly as he moved, riding up just a little above the waist of his tight, dark blue jeans, with their odd white pattern, but we didn't have time for this.
"Josh, I love you, but look at the clock," I said. Sighing, he turned his head. "See, we can either make out for a half hour, which, you know, is enough time for something quick, or we can open that envelope."
"You're right," he said, taking my hand and walking me toward the living room. "I love you, too, and besides, we can have sex on the plane."
I froze, my smile at him slipping a little in surprise.
"You're kidding, right?" I asked.
"I've always kind of wanted to join the mile high club," Josh said, tugging me toward the couch. He leaned over and stuck his tongue out, swiping it wetly up the side of my face.
"Josh," I began, blushing, not sure if he was serious or not. The thought of sex in a tiny little airplane, sneaking back to the bathroom from first class, was kind of embarrassing, but was also kind of hot. Of course, the thought of sex of any kind with Josh was kind of hot.
"I might be kidding, I might not," he said, giggling. Boy, on the days when shy Josh slipped away, he really slipped.
I sat down next to him, and we stared at the envelope sitting on the coffee table. Some of our good humor slipped away, and Josh reached over and took my hand, lacing his fingers through mine. The two of us stared at it as if it might open itself, and I wondered, finally, what actually was inside. I hadn't looked at anything when I tucked the card from my mother in there, but it didn't feel very thick. My eyes crawled over the flap, seeing the layers of tape at the top, wondering if this actually got moved around enough to need to be sealed closed. Maybe the tape was kind of symbolic, part of the way my mother and father had compartmentalized this and locked it away. After all, for me never to have seen this throughout my entire childhood in that house, it must have been locked away somewhere secure, like the safe.
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Josh asked me quietly, squeezing my hand.
"Yeah, I think so," I said, pulling it toward me with my free hand.
I looked at the watermark on the top of the envelope and felt a surge of resentment, wondering who could have put their wet drink down on my life. Then I realized I was masking nervousness with pettiness, and I let go of Josh and opened the flap, sliding my finger under the tape. Both of us took a deep breath, and I wondered what Josh though was going to be in there. My mother had already told us that there weren't any names, but I was curious now to see what there was. I picked up the envelope, and reached inside, pulling out the note from Evelyn. I set it down on the table.
"Want to read it again?" I asked. Josh shook his head. I didn't want to read it again, either, so I pulled out the next document, and Josh and I looked at it together. I handled it delicately, assuming all of the paper was at least as old as I was. "Josh, this is my birth certificate."
"Wow," Josh said softly.
I felt kind of unsettled as I looked at it. The page was off white, printed on thick, almost cardstock paper. On one side were statistics, vitals, my birth weight, and length, the color of my eyes and hair. The spaces for my name were blank, and I felt a pang inside. I had started out my life as no one. There was a town, in Colorado, but not one I had heard of. At least my birthday really was mine. On the left side of the page, next to the measurements, was a large box with a tiny black footprint in it. Josh traced a finger down it thoughtfully.
"This is you, Jack," he said, his voice filled with wonder. "This is you, from the minute God brought you into the world."
"It feels weird," I said. "I didn't even have a name. I mean, how weird is that? I left the hospital without a name. I don't even know who brought me home, Josh. I mean, did I get sent to an orphanage? Was my father at the hospital? And look at this, Josh. My father does corporate work. What the hell was he doing in Colorado? Was he on business? Did he know someone in this town?"
"Jack, calm down, please," Josh said, squeezing me against him. "This is only the first thing we've taken out."
"I know, I know," I said, resting my head on his shoulder for a second. "I'm sorry. It's just that I have so many questions all of a sudden, like I was holding this all in somehow, and now that I'm looking at this they're all bubbling up in my mind."
"Jack, we don't have to look at this," Josh said again, kissing my forehead as he wrapped his arms around me. I wasn't crying or really upset, but I could tell he was worried.
"No, no, it's ok," I said, pulling away to kiss him back. "Josh, we're going to have to make a side trip when we're done in Washington. We're going to have to go see my father."
Josh swallowed.
"Are you sure?" Josh asked. He glanced at the envelope in my hands. "Maybe we should keep looking at this. The answers to some of your questions might be in here."
"They probably are, but I think I'm going to have to talk to him, regardless," I said. I knew Josh was afraid of taking me back home, afraid of causing me to have a relapse of any kind. The last trip had been so stressful, but there really wasn't much else we could do. "Let's see what else is in here."
The next thing I found was a photograph of me, in a crib in the hospital nursery. I was a tiny, red faced baby, screaming, and wearing only a diaper. I noticed that the blankets in the crib were all regulation hospital white. I didn't have any personal objects near me in the picture, anything that would imply that someone cared about me. I pointed this out to Josh, and he tried to reassure me.
"Maybe your family was poor, and couldn't give you anything," Josh said, rubbing my back. "Maybe they really wanted you, but couldn't keep you. Maybe they thought they were giving you a better life."
"Maybe," I said doubtfully. "Or maybe they didn't want me at all, and they didn't want to get attached."
I felt a tear trickle down my face, and Josh carefully wiped it away with his fingertip.
"Jack, please don't talk like that," he said.
I knew what he was thinking, and he was right. I was somebody now, somebody special, someone that other people cared about, and wanted. And it was silly to jump to conclusions, considering that we didn't really know anything. I just needed to stop letting my pessimism rule me. I squeezed Josh's knee and pulled the rest of the papers out all at once, setting them on my lap so that we could go through them together. There wasn't anything very profound in them, although it did offer an interesting glimpse into the lives of my parents. Here was an announcement from the country club newsletter welcoming a new addition to the Springer family. Here was a snapshot of my mother standing next to a rather more elaborate crib, smiling at the camera, but not touching me.
"How Victorian," I said, smirking. It really wasn't funny, but sarcasm, as always, continued to be my defense. I could see the awkwardness of her posture, the weird way she was standing by the crib but not really seeming to be part of it, and wondered why no one else had been able to see it.
"Look, here's an invitation for your christening," Josh said, holding up a little engraved card.
"Social gesture," I said absently. "We only went to church on Christmas and Easter. Josh, the only things in this entire pile that really have anything to do with where I came from before I went to Ohio are this birth certificate and this picture of me at the hospital."
"You're right," Josh said, looking through the rest of the pile, casually flipping through a couple more announcements, and some cards of congratulations from family friends. "Wait, here's something else."
I looked over, and saw him carefully removing a form from between a couple of cards.
"What's that?" I asked, reading it along with him. It was a certificate of adoption. I pulled it out of Josh's hands, scanning it quickly. There was my father's signature, and there was my name. Someone had to sign me over to him, though. There had to be another name on here. "Shit."
"What?" Josh asked, looking at it.
"I thought maybe my mother would be the one who signed this," I said, frowning. That would have been too easy. "My birth mother, I mean. This is the lawyer who handled the adoption. See? His name is down here, too."
"Yeah, but Jack, do you know what that means?" Josh asked, smiling. I shook my head. "If he could sign up here, too, it means he was legally representing the woman who gave birth to you. He had power of attorney to sign for her! This is a lead, Jack! And look at the bottom! His office is in the same town as the hospital! Jack, we just have to find this guy."
Josh hugged me tightly, and I hugged him back, the two of us all but crushing each other. This wasn't impossible. We could do it, and we wouldn't have to go through my father. I wouldn't have to go back to Ohio, at least not yet. Both of us were grinning now, smiling like idiots as we carefully put everything back in the envelope. I put it in my carryon bag, and set it by the other bags at the door as Josh and I linked hands and began walking toward the main building. We weren't late for brunch yet, but if we hurried we could get the pictures done quickly, and would have more time to see our friends before we had to fly out.
Walking over, I caught Josh smiling at me, giggling.
"What?" I asked, flexing my fingers, linked through his.
"I was just thinking, you know, about you being upset because you didn't have a name," he said. "It's kind of funny, because you ended up with four last names. Jackson Parker Springer Chasez."
"Really funny, Mrs. Springer," I said, grinning back. "Sometimes I don't know if I want to kiss you or to smack you upside the head."
"I'd go for the kissing," Josh said, leaning over to peck me on the cheek.
I had only been through a couple of photo shoots, but Josh was a veteran, and walked me through the entire thing after we met Lisann and the photographer. It wasn't our wedding photographer, as he was busy getting proofs read for us to view during our closing meeting with Lisann. I was a little surprised they could have them ready the next day, but Josh whispered casually, his voice low to keep the photographer from hearing, that anything was possibly at the price we were paying. We were sending packages of wedding, rehearsal dinner, and reception shots to various magazines, using the money to offset the cost of the wedding. It had been a concession that kept the media satisfied but also kept them from waiting by the gates with cameras or hovering overhead in helicopters. The photographer thought Josh was whispering sweet nothings to me, and immediately snapped a picture, which made me burst out laughing.
I realized that Josh kept turning me, so that the guy was only getting one side of me, and I finally stopped them both.
"Guys, I'm not Barbara Streisand," I said, hands on my hips. "You can take a picture of either side of my face."
"Um, actually, JC asked if I would avoid that side," the photographer said, glancing at Josh. I turned to Josh as well.
"OK, it's not what it sounds like," Josh said quickly, raising his hands. The photographer started snapping pictures again, perhaps thinking he would catch our first married spat. "It's not your face that's the problem, Jack, since you're beautiful and handsome and perfect, but have you seen your neck this morning?"
"Oh, shit," I blushed sheepishly, raising my hand to cover the giant hickey I'd forgotten about, which Josh had left last night. As I stood there blushing and looking down with my hand pressed to my neck Josh leaned over and kissed me on the temple, and the photographer snapped that, too, and decided he was done. I whispered to Josh. "Thank God."
"You'll get used to this someday," he laughed. "Let's go have some brunch."
When we walked into the private dining room everyone else was already there, waiting patiently for us. Lisann had run ahead to tell them we were wrapping up the photography shoot, and then she went back to coaching her army of assistants through dismantling the wedding. They glanced up, and I saw smiles race around the room. In my newlywed glow I decided to pretend the smiles were because they were happy for us, and not because they were giggling at these shirts Josh had designed. In truth, it was probably both. Joey and Carla were off in the corner, discussing something in hushed whispers. Carla had her hair down, a way she didn't usually wear it, but maybe she didn't want it piled up on her head in the Florida heat. Chris was sitting by himself next to two empty chairs, leaning over to talk across the table to Lance, who was stirring a cup of tea. Justin sat next to Lance, leaning over to listen to some story Vlada was telling him in a quiet, mirthful voice, her accent curling around the words. There were two empty chairs side by side at the head of the table, and I assumed they were for us.
"Good morning, everybody," I said, smiling, as Josh and I took our seats.
"Good morning!" they all blurted, more or less in unison. Joey and Carla drifted over to their seats, and servers appeared with steaming trays, setting them down the center of the table so that we could serve ourselves, family style. Josh went over to the side table to get water for his morning tea.
"Coffee?" he asked, kissing my cheek as he stood.
"Please," I answered, turning to find everyone else staring at us, mostly grinning. "What?"
"Nothing," Justin said quickly, looking down. He didn't look as pained as he usually did when Josh and I kissed or touched. Maybe Lance was doing him some good.
"Haven't you guys kissed enough yet?" Joey asked.
"Never enough," Josh said from the side table.
"At least that's what Jack's neck says," Chris said, giggling.
"Hey!" I said, blushing.
"There's nothing wrong with it," Lance said, smiling at me. "It means they're happy."
"Thanks, Lance," I said, smiling back at him as Josh sat back down, sliding a cup in front of me. "We are happy."
"Looks like you got attacked by a vampire," Chris said, giggling. I was starting to blush. "I mean, geez, Jack, you're marked for life."
Justin's chair scraped back suddenly, and he hurried toward the door.
"Justin?" Josh asked, turning in his chair.
"Be right back," Justin said quickly, slipping out. He was white, his eyes wide, and I wondered what was going on. Lance stood hurriedly.
"Lance?" Chris asked, starting to stand as well. Lance threw Chris a look that nailed him back into his seat. "Justin?"
"Leave it alone," Lance said through gritted teeth, the words pouring out like liquid nitrogen. I'd never heard Lance take that tone with anyone before, and I was even more surprised when he turned back to Josh and I, and his face shifted back to his usual easygoing geniality. "We'll be right back."
We all stared at the door in silence, and then looked around uneasily at each other. Vlada was glaring at Chris, blaming him, even though he hadn't seemed to say anything out of the ordinary.
"What?" Chris asked her. "What did I say?"
"I don't know," she answered crossly. "But it vas bad."
"Should one of us go after them?" I asked.
"Why?" Josh asked, looking sadly at me. "They won't talk to anyone but each other."
I squeezed his hand and wondered what else I could say, besides that he was right. Justin and Lance wouldn't cry in front of us, wouldn't be bothered in front of us, and wouldn't even talk in front of us. The two of them had decided to build a wall around themselves, and the rest of us were just peeking over the edges. Based on the way they'd acted over the past few days, Josh, Vlada, and I were all on the ally side. Joey was still Lance's friend, but Justin wouldn't even look at him. Chris also seemed to be ok in Lance's book, but Justin hadn't said more than a word or two to him, either. Part of me wanted to go after them, but part of me also wanted to give them their own space, and I figured Josh was having the same confusion.
"So, um, where are you guys going on the honeymoon?" Carla asked, trying to break the tension and change the subject.
"We're starting out in Baltimore, and then DC," Josh answered.
"Why there?" Carla asked. Everyone else knew, of course.
"I was born in Washington, and I grew up in Bowie before we moved to Orlando," Josh answered, spooning out some eggs. "I want to show Jack some of where I came from."
"That's not the whole trip, is it?" Chris asked, and Vlada shot him another look. He was just putting his foot in his mouth left and right today, and he began trying to dig his way back out. "I mean, that's a really long time to spend there, not that there's not enough to do."
Justin stepped back in, followed closely by Lance, who had his hand on Justin's arm, guiding him, and the two of them returned to their seats as Josh began to answer. We all pretended they hadn't left, not knowing what else to do.
"We're not staying there the whole time," Josh said, patting my hand. I knew that he wanted to leave how much we shared up to me, since it was my life.
"After Washington we're flying to Denver," I said, squeezing Josh's hand quickly before picking up my bagel again.
"What's in Denver?" Joey asked.
"Those kids from 'South Park'?" Chris suggested.
"Bears?" Joey added.
"Snow?" Chris continued.
"I've been there," Lance interjected. "It's not that bad, you guys."
"Zo vat are you doing zere?" Vlada asked, turning toward us, ignoring the peanut gallery that Lance was trying to derail. "Do you zki?"
"It's the wrong season for skiing," Justin said softly, shaking his head at her.
"We're going to look for my family," I said bluntly.
"Jack, um, your family lives in Ohio," Carla said. They were all looking at us kind of oddly, and I could tell they were confused.
"Not all of them," I said. I could tell they were still lost, and Josh curled an arm around my shoulders as I began to explain, hugging me against his side. "Remember when Josh and I went to see my mother? Well, we, um, we found something out about her, and me. I'm not, um, I'm not who I thought I was. I'm adopted."
Dead silence greeted this. They had roughly the same expressions of surprise that would have greeted my vomiting a cat onto the breakfast table. Josh kissed my cheek.
"Guys?" he said, holding me tightly. My heart was pounding in my chest, waiting to hear what they would say. It seemed odd, but I hadn't been this nervous when Josh came out to the guys. I couldn't think of a single reason why they would treat me any differently, but I was still a little afraid that they would. "You can say something any time now."
"I don't know what to say," Joey said. "I mean, I don't really want to apologize, but you know, I don't think congratulations works, either."
"Are you ok?" Lance asked me. I let out a grateful exhale.
"Yeah, I'm ok," I said, smiling as Josh patted my back and went back to his breakfast. He was watching me out of the corner of his eye, but giving me a little room.
"Evelyn told you this?" Carla asked incredulously. "She told you this now? There wasn't ever a better time, you know, like years ago?"
"She wasn't going to tell me at all," I said, picking at my plate, pushing things around with my fork, but not really eating anything. "I kind of overheard her telling Josh."
"Wow," Chris said, shaking his head. "I can't believe they never told you that. What the hell is the matter with them?"
"Chrees!" Vlada hissed at him. Boy, he couldn't say anything right today.
"I don't really want to talk about that," I said, looking away. Josh hugged me against him again.
"It's ok, babe," he sighed.
"Do you know where they live?" Justin asked. "Or maybe should you call them or something? I mean, I don't want to ask if you don't want to talk about it. I've just, you know, I don't know anyone who's adopted."
"No, Justin, it's ok," I said quickly. I was so happy to see him pulled out of his shell a little that I would have answered anything he asked at that point. "I've never been adopted before, so I've got a lot of questions, too."
Justin offered a small smile to mine, and Josh's hand squeezed my leg under the table. He caught it, too.
"We don't know anything about them, Juju," Josh said.
"We have the town, the date, and the name of the hospital," I said, thinking of the paperwork. "And the name and address of the lawyer who handled the adoption. So we're going to go look for him, and see what he can tell me."
"Are you sure that's wise?" Carla asked. "I mean, not to rain on the parade, but what if they're not exactly happy to see you? Have you thought about that?"
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," I said, noticing that Chris and Lance both shot Carla stern looks. The guys were still more or less in the habit of tiptoeing around me, afraid of doing anything to upset me, but Carla would never treat me with kid gloves, and I loved her for it.
The rest of breakfast passed in easy chatter, trading stories from the reception and discussing everyone else's plans for the next couple of weeks. Joey wanted to go see Brianna again. Vlada was going to do a couple of shows in New York, and Chris was going to go with her, and work on some business for his clothing line while he was there. Justin and Lance were going to, in their words, "take a break" from everything, and we all knew but didn't say that it would include some therapy, although a couple weeks wouldn't be enough. Once we were all back the guys were filming a video, and then going into rehearsals for their tour. The album they'd been recording when I first flew out to see Josh and meet them all was ready, with a few changes and additions, and they were putting it out right before the tour.
After we all finished eating they began to awkwardly say goodbye and wish us luck. Justin and Lance were the last to go.
"Please call if you need us," Josh said to Justin, hugging him as I hugged Lance.
"We will," Lance said as he and Justin switched places. Justin hugged me tightly.
"Congratulations, Jack," he said, his eyes watering. I could tell that he meant it, really and sincerely, and my own eyes watered, too.
"Promise me you guys will be ok," I said, holding onto him.
"We will be," Justin said.
"We'll take care of each other," Lance added, taking Justin's arm and leading him away.
They walked out the doors, and I watched them drift off down the hall. Josh came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my chest as he pulled me back against him, and laid his head on my shoulder.
"You ready?" he asked.
"Yeah," I answered. "Let's go see Lisann and then get the hell out of here."
To be continued.