Obligatory warnings and disclaimers:
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If reading this is in any way illegal where you are or at your age, or you don't want to read about male/male relationships, go away. You shouldn't be here.
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I don't know any of the celebrities in this story, and this story in no way is meant to imply anything about their sexualities, personalities, or anything else. This is a work of pure fiction.
Questions and commentary can be sent to "writerboy69@hotmail.com". I enjoy constructive criticism, praise, and rational discussion. I do not enjoy flames, and will not tolerate them.
Back to the story in progress.
Jack
"Jack?" Lisann asked, knocking and leaning in the door of my dressing room. "Fifteen minutes. Everyone's starting to line up, and the guests are all seated. Their brunch earlier went really well, by the way. Are you ready? Do you need help with anything?"
"No, no, I'm good," I said, double checking in the mirror. Lisann walked over quickly.
"Your microphone is crooked," she said, adjusting it. Josh and I would be saying our vows over wireless microphones, so that all of the six hundred or so guests could hear us. Once the ceremony was over, the guests would be heading to the ballroom for the reception, and we'd be out getting pictures taken, just like real, normal newlyweds.
"Thank you," I said, taking a deep breath.
"Nervous?" Lisann asked, smiling at me. I nodded. "Jack, I just said this to Joshua a few minutes ago when I checked on him, but I wanted to say it to you as well. I've worked with a lot of couples, and I've more or less seen it all. I know that you guys are my first gay wedding, but I just wanted to say that I've never seen a couple more in love or more perfect for each other. Congratulations to both of you, because you both deserve to be happy."
I was right on the edge, and felt myself tearing up, but Lisann, ever prepared, immediately produced a tissue.
"Thanks," I said, turning to the counter behind me to pick up a small box. "I know that we're paying you, but, um, Josh and I wouldn't have been able to do any of this without you, and even if you're just doing your job, we wanted to get you something extra, just to say thanks."
"Thank you, Jack," Lisann said, taking the box from me. Josh and I had picked out a pin for her, some sort of gold thing with pearls. It was expensive, but tasteful and professional enough that she could wear it with her suits. "I'm going to go check on the minister, now, ok?"
We weren't having a specific denominational ceremony, but Lisann had located a nice minister who would be happy to do a sort of generic commitment thing. It didn't really matter to me, since I wasn't very religious, but it was important to Josh. We'd met him for the first time last night, at the rehearsal, and he had seemed very nice, although he looked vaguely like Santa Claus might, if Santa shaved off his beard.
"Don't forget your vows," Lisann said, giving me a thumbs up as she slid out the door, closing it behind her.
My vows were folded up on the table, along with the last of my lists, and a note that Josh had sent over from his dressing room this morning telling me that he loved me. I'd sent one back to him, telling him the same. Carla had been adamant that he and I not share a room last night or this morning, and the rest of the guys had gone along with her on it. I had spent the night in Justin's old cottage, and Josh in Lance's, since we had moved Justin and Lance to a bigger one with two beds. I had gone over my vows again last night, trying not to be nervous, making last minute changes. Josh and I had been working on them every day in the week leading up to the wedding, but hadn't shown them to each other. I had no idea what his said, but I wanted mine to be perfect. Double checking myself in the mirror one last time, I grabbed them and put them in my pocket.
Walking out into the hallway, I felt my heart fluttering a little as I noticed that large portions of the wedding party were missing. Karen and Roy stood outside the reception room, along with Tyler, and that was it. Where was everyone else? We were on a very specific time schedule, and everyone knew what time they were supposed to be in the hallway. That's why Lisann was giving people time checks and warnings.
"Tyler!" I barked, immediately sorry as he jumped. I liked Josh's brother a lot, but he was almost as nervous about being in the wedding as we were. "Where is everyone?"
"I don't know," he answered, looking around. "Chris went to take Vlada to her seat, and I haven't seen anyone else."
"You haven't seen anyone? Anyone?" I asked, my eyes darting around the hallway as if they might suddenly appear.
"Jack, calm down, please," Karen said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "You know how these guys are. They'll be here in a second, I'm sure."
Tyler would be walking Karen and Roy to their seats as part of the ceremony. Chris would have been walking my family, except that my mom, true to her word, had not come. I tried to push it away, had tried to smother it last night during the rehearsal dinner, but hadn't been entirely successful. Karen had seen it, and had led me aside just before dinner ended.
"Jack, I know it hurts that your family isn't here, but I wanted to tell you something," she said, holding my hand as we walked around the hallway outside the banquet room. "Joshua and I have had several talks about your trip home, and what happened there. You know that he feels pretty badly about it, and he said that you're still kind of numb, and that you haven't really thought about it or talked about it much, because of everything else."
"Yeah," I said, shrugging. "It's been a hell of a week."
"I know," she said, squeezing my fingers together. "Jack, what I wanted to say is that whatever goes on with your mother, it's not because of you. The way that she treats you, and the way she always has, that's her fault, and the fault of whatever is wrong inside of her. It's not yours, because you're everything a mother could want in a son, and I'm not saying that just to make you feel better. I'm proud of you, Jack. Roy and I both are. When I look at you and Joshua, and I see the things you've gone through and the struggles you both have had and the way you've dealt with them and worked through them, I can't think of anyone that I would rather have with my son. No one could love Joshua more than you, Jack."
"Thanks, Karen," I said, giving her a quick hug.
"Jack, I also can't think of anyone I would rather have as a son," she said, squeezing me tightly. "Tomorrow you're going to join my family, so you'd really better start calling me mom."
"OK," I said, hugging her again. I was about three seconds away from tears, having miraculously transformed into this high strung, overwrought bride type of person.
I was near tears now staring around the empty hallway, feeling my pulse throb in my temple. Chris stepped out of the double doors from inside and almost ducked back into them when he saw my face.
"I was just walking Vlada to her seat!" he said defensively.
"We have people for that!" I hissed. "Those guys, the staff, the ones walking around in the little penguin suits, they seat people! You, you just wait here, and then Joey walks, and you walk, and Lance walks, except that you weren't here, and Joey isn't here, and Lance isn't here! Tyler's here! Tyler's going to walk Karen and Roy down, and then Justin walks Josh down and Carla walks me down! I'm here, and no one else is!"
"OK, settle yourself down," Chris said, his hands on my shoulders. I stared into his brown eyes, feeling my own bulge from my face. "Everything will be fine, Jack. Breathe deep, think about JC, and just believe that everything will be fine."
"Where is everyone?" I demanded, trying to calm down.
"Breathe in, breathe out," Chris said, modeling it for me. "I just saw everyone, and they're on their way, ok? We all know the plan, and we all know who goes when, and everything will be fine."
I stepped away from him, composing myself.
"I'm going to find everyone," I said, running my hands over my hair. "I'll be right back."
"Jack," Chris began, but stopped, holding up his hands. "Do you want some help?"
"No!" I said. I remembered that I was supposed to be thinking calming thoughts. "No, thank you. I want you to stay right here. None of you move from this spot until I come back, ok? I'll go get everyone, and then everything will be fine."
"OK, I'll stay right here, with Tyler, Karen, and Roy, ok?" Chris said soothingly. I wanted to tackle him.
I stalked off down the hallway, heading for the other dressing rooms. I threw open the first door without knocking, figuring that they should already be dressed, and if they weren't, well, none of them had anything I hadn't seen before anyway. When I flung open the door, Joey had his back up against the wall, and Carla had hold of his lapels with both hands as she pressed her mouth to his.
"What the fuck are you two doing?" I blurted
"Jack!" Joey yelped, blushing.
"I just came in here to yell at him!" Carla gushed, reddening as well.
The two of them had been squabbling all week, not full out cat and dog fighting, but needling, sniping, sarcastic fighting. They had done the same thing when Carla had flown out to visit me when I was in the hospital, irritating each other on purpose, for no other reason than that they both seemed to get a charge out of it. They traded insults and put downs like they were being forced to supply the laugh reel for a sitcom, and the past few days had just been more of the same, except there had been pranks, too.
Joey had managed, using a rope and a broom in some way I couldn't explain, to tie Carla's door closed, so that she couldn't get out. She had retaliated by filling his shampoo bottle with cream of chicken soup, the condensed kind, after gaining access to his bungalow. I was sure that Chris had helped, but neither of them was talking. Joey replaced her morning coffee with chocolate syrup, and Carla had eight pizzas sent to his room. When Joey fell asleep on the beach, Carla wrote on his chest with sunblock, stealing the high numbered kind that I was using at the beginning of the trip, so that when Joey woke up his chest read, "Nsync Sux!"
"I've seen it in movies, but I didn't really think it would work," Carla confessed to me as, red faced, she tried to clear the tears from her eyes.
Joey had silently bided his time until the rehearsal last night. We had run through the ceremony about six times, going over order, cues, and music, and it was almost time for us to leave for dinner. Carla was carrying a bouquet of plastic flowers, and I had seen Joey over near it between the last run through and the one we were on, but thought nothing of it, until Carla tried to put her bouquet down. Hearing her swear, Josh and I turned, and saw Carla shaking her hand, the look of consternation on her face rapidly changing to annoyance.
"Carla?" I asked.
"What the hell?" she snapped, shaking her hand in a flinging motion. The flowers didn't move. "What the hell is?"
Her question petered out as Joey began snickering and turning red. Carla's eyes widened, and she flew across the room and began beating him over the head with the bouquet as he tried to shield himself with his arms, laughing hysterically. Chris, Justin, Lance, and even Josh began to snicker as they got the joke.
"What the hell did you put on these?" Carla demanded. Smack went the flowers.
"Ahhhh!" Joey yelped, ducking away. Smack! Smack! "Those hurt!"
"I'll hurt you!" Carla yelled, swinging them harder. Even Lisann was smiling.
"That's it!" I blurted. Everyone stopped dead. "That's it. I haven't said a word the whole time you two have been teasing each other, and I'm not going to now. All I have to say is that those flowers better come off, and they better be gone by tomorrow."
Joey swallowed, looking a little pale, and Carla smacked him on the side of the head with the plastic bouquet again. Joey took her shoulder.
"Come on, let's go find some turpentine before dinner, so we don't get killed," he said, leading her away.
The two of them had wandered off, and had avoided each other for the rest of the night, but now here they were, fifteen minutes before the wedding, apparently in deep liplock.
"I don't care what you two were doing, actually," I said, watching Joey smooth out his jacket and Carla pat her hair. "Put yourselves back together, and get out into the hallway."
"Sorry, Jack," Joey said, still blushing furiously.
"Yeah, sorry," Carla added, her blush sweeping down to her shoulders and collarbones.
"And both of you better lose that blush before anyone takes any pictures," I added, stalking away.
Joey and Carla
Carla turned and double checked her lipstick in the mirror, making sure nothing was smeared or out of place.
"I think we're in trouble," Joey said, shrugging.
"It wouldn't have happened if you hadn't kissed me," Carla said, reapplying to her bottom lip. Joey's jaw dropped open.
"Wait a minute," Joey began, holding up his hands. He was pretty sure that she'd started it, although they were arguing before they were just suddenly kissing.
"We don't have a minute," Carla said, shaking her head. "Now, I understand that weddings do funny things to people's hormones, especially single people, but nobody needs to know about this, right?"
"Yeah, right," Joey said, nodding. Carla wasn't a bad kisser.
"And if, you know, you and I should happen to hook up after the reception and maybe have sex, nobody has to know about that, either," Carla said matter of factly.
"Right," Joey agreed, nodding.
"Now come on, Fatass," Carla said, opening the door. "We're due in the hallway."
"After you, Sugarnips," Joey said chivalrously.
"Eat me," Carla snapped.
"Maybe later," Joey said, following her into the hallway.
Jack
OK, I really didn't need to know what Joey and Carla were doing, or if they were doing anything. It could have been totally not what it looked like, even though the way they had been pranking each other for days was vaguely reminiscent of little kids on the playground chasing each other and pulling each other's hair. Any second now Carla was going to kick Joey in the shin, and then he'd hit her with a mudball, and true love would be born. As beautiful as it was, though, I really needed them to be in the hallway, and not just them.
I opened the next door, again without knocking, and stopped dead again. Justin and Lance were standing in the middle of the room, both of their eyes closed. Lance's hands were on Justin's shoulders, and Justin's hands were on the sides of Lance's face. Their lips were pressed gently together, not urgently, and both pairs of eyes popped open as they heard the door. The look of surprise on both of their faces was almost comically similar as they stepped apart, Lance's hand rising up to touch his mouth carefully.
"Jack!" Justin said. "We were, um."
"Yeah, we just, uh," Lance continued.
I realized that they were as surprised by what they had been doing as I was.
"Look, um, whatever you guys are doing, please finish up," I said, stepping back. The two of them were so fragile right now that I was afraid to say anything. "Please, and, you know, head out to the hallway, ok? Thanks."
I ducked out of the room, pulling the door closed behind me, shaking my head. Justin and Lance? After everything they'd been through with each other? Maybe we should have seen that one coming.
Justin
"What was that?" Lance asked quietly, staring at me. His hand was up by his mouth, touching his lip gently, but not like he was rubbing my kiss away.
"I, I don't know," I said, my own hand drifting up to touch my mouth, as if our lips had minds of their own.
Lance and I had spent every minute together, more or less, since I had come back from the emergency room. Every time I turned around he was there, and he just seemed to want to help me. We had both gratefully taken the new bungalow Jack and Josh had offered to move us to, since neither one of us had painful memories in it, and every night when we laid down on the twin beds, staring across at each other in the dark, we talked for hours about how we felt inside, questioning why this had happened to us and offering each other support. We both knew that we needed to find a counselor, to schedule some real help, but right now we were helping each other.
If our talking got emotional, which it did every night, one of us would cross the room, sitting on the other's bed until it was ok, and then going back to our own. When I was angry, Lance held my hand, and when he was angry, I hugged him tightly. When I felt like I was worthless, Lance reminded me that there were people that cared about me, rubbing my back gently. When Lance felt like he deserved what happened to him, I brushed his hair back from his head and reminded him that no one deserved to have anything bad happen to them, especially not someone who was good and kind like he was. When Lance couldn't fall asleep because he was missing Howie, I sang to him until his eyes drifted closed, and when I woke up screaming, thinking about Nick and what he had done, Lance climbed into my bed and held me against his chest, rocking me until I got tired, before he went back to his own bed. I couldn't fall asleep if someone was in my bed.
We weren't ok, weren't even close to healed or whole, but we told each other that someday we would be, and we both believed it.
Before Jack walked in we had been double checking to make sure we were ok, inspecting each other to make sure everything was perfect, flowers were pinned on, and everything was in place. We wanted this to be special for Josh and Jack, and wanted to do whatever we could to make sure it was. We owed them, both of them, so much that we didn't want anything to mar the day.
"Your tie is a little crooked," I said, standing in front of Lance. I stepped in close to straighten it.
"Thanks," Lance said, patting my shoulders. He stopped suddenly, his hands just sitting there. I looked up and saw his green eyes staring into my blue ones.
"Lance?" I asked quietly, aware of how close we were, of how his nose was almost touching mine. I'd never noticed before how green his eyes were, how much like shiny circles of jade, except warmer, more alive.
"Yeah?" he asked, his voice a whisper.
My hands drifted up from Lance's bow tie to the sides of his face, so warm, soft, and smooth. Neither one of us seemed to be breathing, and the room was completely silent as I leaned forward, and he leaned forward, and our eyes slid closed, and then I felt Lance's lips on mine. They were soft, a little pursed, as they pressed against my own, and I pressed back a little firmly.
And then Jack opened the door, and here we were.
"You don't know?" Lance asked. "Because it seemed kind of like we, you know, kissed."
"Yeah," I said. "I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking."
"Me either," Lance said, blinking. He swallowed. "Justin, how do I make you feel?"
"Safe," I answered. "Safe, and not alone. How do, um, how do you feel about me?"
"You make me feel special, like someone needs me and cares about me," Lance said. "And I care about you."
"I care about you, too," I said. I needed to say the next part, though, before we screwed up our new friendship. "Lance, neither one of us said love."
"I know," he said, swallowing. "Justin, I'm scared."
"Me too," I agreed, knowing exactly what he meant. "I don't want to be your rebound guy from Howie, Lance."
"And I don't want to be yours from JC," Lance said, cutting Nick out completely. "Maybe we, you know, maybe we shouldn't do that again."
"Not until we know how we feel," I agreed, nodding. "Still friends?"
"Of course," Lance said, wrapping me up in a hug. "Come on. We're supposed to be in the hall."
Lance and I weren't ok right now, but someday we would be. And maybe, maybe, someday we might be more than ok. For now, though, we were friends, and I was ok with that.
Jack
Having learned my lesson at the last two doors, I knocked softly on the door of Josh's dressing room before stepping inside. This was probably the room where I should have been least worried about walking in on something, though. Josh would never hurt me that way, and if I did open the door and find him kissing someone, I'd have to kill him and then myself, in the manner of some sort of frightening Shakespearean tragedy. I looked around, but the dressing room was empty.
"Josh?" I asked, wondering where he was.
I really needed to see him before the wedding, needed to just have one last quiet moment with him before the next few hours, even though we would have the rest of our lives for that. I needed to see him, and hold him, and look into his eyes before I faced that room of hundreds of strangers, and I hoped he needed to see me, too, but, like I said, the room was empty. In typical Josh fashion, everything was neat as a pin, the tux hangers waiting on the bar, Josh's clothes neatly folded on a chair, the lights on the vanity shut off. It was like he had just walked out, but that was impossible, because I would have seen him in the hallway.
Where was he? Had he gotten cold feet? Was he off rethinking this entire thing somewhere? Had he decided he could do better after all, or that he didn't want to spend the rest of his life with someone with so many problems? Had something happened to him? Maybe he'd been kidnapped! Or maybe he'd left with someone. Would I be left standing at the altar alone in front of everyone in my pretty tuxedo, the flowers wilting as I was jilted like an unwanted bride in a Tennessee Williams play or a later season of "Melrose Place"? I could smell his cologne in the air, so where the hell was he?
Right when I was about to start hyperventilating I heard the toilet flush, followed by running water, and then Josh opened the bathroom door, wiping his hands on a towel. His eyes lit up when he saw me, and I threw myself across the room into his arms.
"Jack?" he asked, startled. "Jack, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," I said, holding him. "Nothing. I was just being stupid. You weren't in the hall, so I came to look for you, and I was all nervous, and, and."
"Hey," Josh said, stroking my hair. "Hey, this isn't you. Calm down, babe, please."
"I'm sorry, Josh," I sighed. "I'm just nervous, and things got twisted in my head."
"It's ok, Jack," Josh said, taking my hand and tugging me toward the door. I stopped, and he looked up at me. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I said, smiling. "I just wanted one last little moment with you before we go out there. I love you, Josh. You're the best thing that ever happened to me."
Josh smiled, and tears flooded his eyes. We were both ready to blow.
"Ditto," he said finally, grinning at me, flashing those perfect white teeth. "Come on. Let's go get married."
We joined everyone else in the hallway, looking around at our friends and family, knowing that we were about to walk through that door and have the wedding of our dreams. Lisann gave us a last double check, and I smiled when I saw our pin on the breast of her suit. She cued the music, and everything went according to plan, the march in, the exchanging of rings, everything, until we got to the vows. I stared at Josh, smiling, barely noticing Justin, Tyler, and Chris behind him, as he gave me his from memory, making me feel foolish for having to write mine down. I would have had more time to memorize them if I hadn't kept correcting them.
"All my life, in my head, and in my heart, I've heard a song. It wasn't a complete song, not one that I ever heard clearly. Mostly, it was just a melody, and all my life I tried to find it. I looked and looked for it, looked everywhere, actually, catching a snatch of that song here and there, but never the whole thing. I knew that when I could find that song, when I could hear the whole thing, when I had the melody and the harmony, that I would be complete, and that it would be the rest of everything that was missing inside of me. I had some dark times. I had some days when I thought that I would never find it, that I would never hear it, or feel it inside."
Josh's voice was strong over his microphone, and the huge room was completely silent. Even though I was smiling I felt tears rolling down my cheeks.
"I looked and I looked, but I didn't get any closer. And then, one night, we were driving through the desert, and we stopped to help someone with car trouble. It was dark, and we couldn't see really well, but we wanted to help. The man in trouble walked over to the bus, and I saw his face, and looked into his eyes. And you know that song I was searching for? Right then I heard the first note. Jack, I love you. I love you for who you are, and what you are to me. You are the harmony to my melody. You're the other half of the song I've always wanted to sing, the song that we were both born to sing together. I promise that I will always love you, with everything I have and everything I am. Jack, will you marry me?"
"Yes!" I blurted, hearing people titter amusingly at my enthusiasm. I wanted to just grab Josh and kiss him over and over. No one had ever said anything like that to me. I stood, staring into Josh's blue eyes, feeling his love and my love for him, until Carla nudged me. Blinking, I saw the minister looking at me expectantly, like all six hundred people in the room. "Sorry."
Everyone giggled, and I fished my vows out of my pocket and unfolded them.
But they weren't my vows.
It was the list of clothes I wanted to bring on the honeymoon. It had been sitting on the table, right next to my vows, and I had grabbed it by mistake. I glanced up at Josh, seeing his eyes widen as he read something in my face. I glanced down at the sheet as if the words might magically become the beautiful vows I'd worked so hard on. My mind was completely blank! I had to say something, but I couldn't remember a single damn word. Carla nudged me again.
"Jack," she hissed. Across from me Josh, Justin, Tyler, and Chris waited expectantly, staring at me.
"Josh, there were, um, birds, all around, but I never heard them singing," I blurted, the first words that popped into my head spilling out of my mouth. Josh's eyebrows went up, and I could hear people tittering again. "No, I never heard them at all, until there was you. Your love, Josh, your love is like a river, peaceful and deep. Your soul is like a secret that I never could keep. Josh, if you feel like loving me, if you've got the notion, well, I second that emotion."
"Jack?" Josh asked finally as Joey burst out laughing behind us, unable to hold it in.
"Josh, I forgot my vows!" I blurted, holding up the paper. "This is a list of clothes I wanted to bring on the honeymoon and the only thing that's popping into my head is a bunch of stupid love songs because I can't remember a damn word of my vows!"
I looked up as they all started snickering, even Josh, turning red as they tried to hold it in. Our audience had the giggles, too. Lisann, off to the side, was holding her face in her hands.
"And it's not Lisann's fault!" I continued, wanting to make sure no one held this against her. "She reminded me like five times this morning to bring them, and I just grabbed the wrong sheet by mistake. Josh, what I'm trying to say is that I love you. I've never loved anyone the way I love you, and I never will. I had a lot of better words, but that's what it comes down to, and if you'll have me, I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be than in your arms for the rest of my life."
"Yes," Josh said, grabbing my face. I tilted my head back, staring up into his blue eyes, and then Josh's mouth was over mine, his lips searching out my own, and I swooned against him as his tongue slid inside and the audience burst into applause.
"Joshua Scott Chasez and Jackson Parker Springer," the minister began, barely audible over the clapping. The audience began to stand, their applause thunderous. "In the eyes of your friends, your family, and God, I now pronounce you married. You may continue kissing the groom."
A loud cheer went up, starting with the guys and Carla at the altar, and rolling through the room. Lisann gave a hand motion, and the music for the recessional started as Josh finally released me. I stared up into his blue eyes, not wanting to be anywhere else in the world but right here.
"That's it," he whispered. Our microphones had been switched off. "We're married."
"But you never got to hear my vows," I protested, not letting go of his shoulders.
"Save them for our anniversary," Josh said, grinning.
"Next year?" I asked, and Josh shook his head.
"No. Our fiftieth."
We were supposed to be marching out, but everyone else could wait. I grabbed Josh, pulling his head down, and kissed him again.
End Season 5