Obligatory warnings and disclaimers:
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If reading this is in any way illegal where you are or at your age, or you don't want to read about male/male relationships, go away. You shouldn't be here.
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I don't know any of the celebrities in this story, and this story in no way is meant to imply anything about their sexualities, personalities, or anything else. This is a work of pure fiction.
Questions and commentary can be sent to "writerboy69@hotmail.com". I enjoy constructive criticism, praise, and rational discussion. I do not enjoy flames, and will not tolerate them.
Back to the story in progress.
Jack
Josh and I sped up as we approached the table, but not too much. There was no point in hurrying if no one was swinging fists. Besides, there was practically guaranteed to be another fight on the schedule later, whether it was Nick and Howie again or the rarer Howie and Justin match up. Oddly enough, it was never Nick and Justin against Howie. The two of them didn't side with each other unless both were attacked. Otherwise, the one that wasn't fighting just watched the one that was. It was an odd relationship, or nonrelationship, between the two of them, but what was also odd was the fact that Lance never jumped into the fights, either. Howie kept getting into them, and Lance kept trying to talk Howie out of them, like he was right now.
"Howie, he didn't mean anything," Lance whined, tugging at Howie's arm. "Please, sit down. Please, can we just finish breakfast?"
Lance hadn't been a whiner before I got kidnapped. One of the big surprises for me when I got back was the way that Lance and Howie, and their relationship, had changed. Lance was clingy now, and seemed very dependent on Howie. I mentioned it to Josh, and he explained to me that it had been a surprise for all of them, too. One of the first things he told me in the hospital when he began filling me in on stuff that had happened while I was gone was about Howie finding out about Lance and Justin, and the beating that sent Justin to the emergency room.
"Holy shit," I said, sipping my protein shake as I contemplated the chessboard in front of me. After dating Josh for this long, I no longer had winning as a goal. Instead, I wanted to last more than a half hour in any match. So far it wasn't working, but I still had hope. "What happened after that?"
"Well, Justin came home and broke up with Brit," Josh began. I already knew the Justin and Brit story, because I'd heard it from Justin, and he spared no detail in his typical Justin fashion. "And Lance and Howie went away for like a week and a half to work on their relationship."
"Well, they're still together," I pointed out. "So I'm guessing it worked out ok?"
Josh sighed, and I saw that he was trying to find a nice way to say something. I watched the little frown line appear between his eyebrows as his face shifted. I put my hand over his, startling him.
"Just say it, Josh," I said.
"Well, Jack, Lance has changed while you were, you know, gone," Josh said. "He was really quiet when they came back from that trip, and he doesn't really hang out with us by himself anymore."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Well, if we're doing work stuff, Howie calls him, or he calls Howie, like every time there's a break," Josh said, and I almost giggled, remembering our early days. Josh, in that typical way we had, more or less read my mind. "And it's not like you and I. It's almost like Howie's checking up on him, wanting to know where he is and who he's with and when he'll be back. And if we're doing anything not work related, like just going out or whatever, Lance either doesn't come, or Howie comes, too, and they stay glued together the entire time. It's weird. I just get a funny vibe off of it."
"Well, you know, as long as Lance is happy," I said, remembering how Howie had hovered in my doorway every time Lance came in to see me. I had thought the two of them just didn't like to be separated, but Josh was making it sound like more than that. Maybe he was just jumping at shadows, because of what had happened to me.
"Jack, I don't know if he is," Josh said. "I mean, you haven't seen him in a while. Now that you're back, does he seem, you know, different?"
I was about to answer, but then thought about it a little more. Truthfully, every time Lance came to see me when I first woke up, he'd been almost in tears, repeating over and over that they should have done something and that he was sorry he hadn't done more. I'd heard variations on the theme from all of the guys, and figured that Lance was just being a little more emotional. When I thought about it, though, Lance hadn't ever really been that emotional of a person. He usually kept his emotions under control, maintaining some sort of unspoken code of manly decorum.
"Well, he's been kind of teary since you guys got here," I said, shrugging. "But I just assumed that he was upset about me. God, that sounds really selfish."
Josh laughed, and leaned forward to kiss me.
"That's rare for you," he said, grinning and taking my queen. Damn. "This once, I'll let it pass. It's just weird, though. Lance is all withdrawn, and Howie's angry all the time. All he does is snap at Justin, and it doesn't matter how many times Justin apologizes. Honestly, it's really starting to get on everyone's nerves."
"Maybe I'll mention that to Lance when I get time to talk to him," I said, shrugging. "Or maybe I should even talk to Howie, you know, as the other outsider. We sort of have that bond, or at least we did when I left."
"You're not an outsider, Jack," Josh said, kissing me again. "Checkmate. Howie is, though. He was pretty tight with us, but since the whole thing with Justin came out, he's just been so pissy."
"Maybe I can help," I said, shrugging as we started setting the board for a new game. "I'll talk to him or Lance, and see what I can do."
I'd never gotten time to talk to them, though, because there was a never a moment to talk to them alone. I didn't want to put them on the defensive, and I didn't think they'd be completely honest about their relationship if the other one was standing right there, but they never came to my room separately. I began to see Josh's point, but I was too focused on getting better, and the trip to New York, and everything else that I hadn't really had time to act on it. And so, here we were, three days into our vacation and forced to start breakfast with another round of the fighting that was becoming commonplace.
"Can you two just knock it off?" Chris snapped, standing between Nick and Howie. "I don't care who said what."
"I didn't even say anything," Nick asserted, still pressing on Chris's hand, not ready to back down.
"Fuck you, you didn't!" Howie snapped.
Josh and I slid into our seats, waiting to see if we'd have to jump back out of them to break up a fight.
"Howie, please," Lance pleaded. Howie slapped at Lance's hand, and Lance pulled it away, sinking into his chair with a defeated look.
"I don't need this shit," Nick said, holding up his hands. "I'm going to take a piss."
"Yeah, walk away!" Howie sputtered.
Nick raised his middle finger without looking back as Chris glared at Howie.
"Will you please just shut up?" Chris asked quietly. Howie glared at him defiantly, as if he was about to start up with Chris, too, but then he sat back down next to Lance.
Chris turned and walked back around the table to his seat by Vlada as the waitress appeared to ask what Josh and I wanted. We both ordered small breakfasts, muffins and fruit with juice, and she walked away.
"Sorry we're late," Josh said, shrugging. "Good morning, everyone."
I smiled. Even though the table was round, these giant meals together kept giving me a weird, last supper sort of vibe, all of us sitting around whispering to each other and casting odd glances. Of course, the apostles all had clothes on in that picture, where we all showed up to breakfast ready to go to the beach right after. Justin, Nick, and I were in trunks, Joey in trunks with a loose tank top, Vlada in a retro two-piece and matching wide-brimmed hat like a '40's glamour shot, Josh and Howie in speedos, showing off their exquisite bodies (although, and I might have been biased because, you know, I love Josh, but Howie was just a little compact for my taste), Lance was in trunks and a t-shirt as if determined not to get a tan, and Chris was wearing some sort of rubbery body suit.
"I'm going parasailing after breakfast," he explained when he saw me looking. Vlada rolled her eyes.
"Is that thing uncomfortable?" I asked.
"Not as much as you think," he answered, grinning. "So, why are you two late? Little something going on at the bungalow of love?"
Joey immediately began making fake porn soundtrack music.
"Shut it, both of you," I said, throwing them a frosty glare as the waitress set down my orange juice and told me my food would be right out.
"Wedding stuff," Josh sighed.
"How's that going?" Howie asked, smiling. He appeared to have forgotten his anger at Nick, at least for the time being, but it probably wouldn't be long before he was snapping at Nick or Justin again. I was beginning to think that maybe Josh and I should have just gone on vacation by ourselves.
"It's a pain in the ass," I said quickly. "The frigging wedding woman is coming again this afternoon."
"Funny, I thought the pain in your ass was just from JC," Chris said, giggling, and Vlada smacked him on the arm as Chris and Joey giggled like little kids.
"Josh is never a pain," I said, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. I saw Justin look down quickly, glancing in the direction of the bathrooms. He looked sad. "The wedding woman, on the other hand."
"She has a name, Jack," Josh said soothingly, patting my hand. He turned back to the others. "Jack's just pissed because he forgot to put last names on the seating chart for the reception."
"Six hundred of our closest friends, and I have to go through again and reseat them all," I said dispiritedly, reaching for my muffin. Only about fifty of the people invited were actually my friends.
"It's ok," Josh said, squeezing my hand. "You're not doing it alone."
The waitress appeared again, setting a tall glass in front of Justin and another in front of Nick, who had just returned to the table. I thought they were just tomato juice, but caught a whiff of Justin's and realized it was a Bloody Mary. Not only that, there were two empties in front of him, and one in front of Nick. Neither of them had a food plate nearby.
"Justin, it's not even ten in the morning," Josh said, frowning. I sighed as Justin turned toward him, his face blank.
"Really?" Justin asked coldly, sucking at the straw. "Thanks for the update."
"Justin, maybe you should have some food?" Josh began. Everyone else at the table found other things to focus on, their nails, the person next to them, the scenery, something, except for Nick, who watched with the same detached interest you might stare at the television with.
"I'm not hungry," Justin said, looking down into his glass.
I put a hand on Josh's leg and gave a small shake of my head, not more than a twitch, but it was enough for him to get the message. He nodded at me, and I saw that Josh looked pained. He knew that Justin was hurting, but didn't know how to help him. I figured I better let him know later that a lecture wasn't the way. Every time that Josh and Justin talked to each other you could almost feel the currents swirling between them, and I wished once again for that perfect world where all of this would have worked out differently without hurting anyone. Since we didn't live in that world, I just had to do my best to make sure Justin didn't do too much to hurt himself.
"So, what are we doing today?" Joey asked, changing the subject. I smiled at him, grateful for helping me head off yet another argument.
We fell into regular breakfast chatter after that, and when it was over we headed down to the beach. I handed Josh our bag and my towel, asking him to put it down by his because I wanted to talk to Chris for a minute. Josh kissed me, and then I began walking with Chris to the parasailing concession, further down the beach.
"You got that look on your face," Chris said. "The one that says, 'God, I wish I had a cigarette.' What's wrong?"
"Am I that transparent?" I asked, smiling. "I could point out that you have the same look. Bet you wish you hadn't quit, don't you?"
"Only some days," Chris agreed, smirking. "You haven't answered me yet, Jack."
"Chris, what happened this morning before we got to breakfast?" I asked, knowing that he wouldn't beat around the bush.
"Same shit, different day," Chris sighed. "Justin and Nick were slamming back the drinks when we got there, and then Lance and Howie showed up with Joey. Then Howie said something, and Nick made some kind of stupid comment, and then you guys saw the rest."
"I think Nick baits him on purpose," I said, shaking my head.
"It's not all Nick," Chris said. "And I don't mean that it's Justin, too. Howie's so confrontational all the time, and I don't think either of them can resist giving him a little poke just to get him going."
"What is wrong with everyone?" I asked. It was like having middle chapter cut out of a book. All this crap had happened while I was gone, and now I felt like I was still missing pieces. Chris patted my shoulder.
"It'll be ok," he said. "I mean, Howie's been bitchy since he found out about Justin, and I don't think he likes the fact that Justin has this, well, whatever it is going on with Nick, either. Howie and Nick don't get along as it is, and now the shit from their group is spilling over into our group."
"Great," I said, shaking my head. "By next week you'll all be on TRL screaming at each other with that asshole Carson."
Carson, who had already more or less been on the entire group's shitlist for the thing with Britney after she broke up with Justin, which I had heard about but hadn't seen, had been ranked even lower now for pulling shit with Josh and I during the New York trip. MTV had asked us to stop by and just say hi, and while we were there Carson had the gall to ask if what happened to me might be my fault for ruining so many of the fans' dreams about Josh. I'm told that I now might have the network's new record for most curses censored during a broadcast, beating out Andrew Dice Clay's torrent of filth on one of the awards shows several years ago. Either way, it would be a cold day in hell before I stood on a stage with Carson again, no matter how many times MTV told Josh that they reprimanded him.
"Somehow I don't see that happening," Chris said. "Is this really all that's bothering you?"
"Well, you know, the wedding is stressing me out," I said, shrugging. Chris grabbed my shoulders and spun me around, his eyes boring into mine.
"You're not getting cold feet, are you?" he demanded. "Tell me now, 'cause we're not going through a bunch of shit again."
"No, no, Jesus, Chris," I said, shrugging his grip off. "I'm not getting cold feet. I love Josh, and I know this is what we both want. It's just this ceremony, and the planning, and all the rest. There's always something else that needs to be done, and I want this to be perfect for Josh, but there's just so much. I've got all these lists and notebooks and shit, and I don't even know these people."
"Jack, settle yourself," Chris said, laughing. "Give some of it to that wedding woman. Isn't this what you guys are paying her for?"
"Well, yeah, she's supposed to help," I said. "But I just want this all to be special for Josh."
Chris laughed and patted my shoulder as we finally reached the parasailing booth.
"Jack, it's already going to be special for Josh, because you're there," he said, grinning. "Besides, I'm gonna need you to give me pointers on this when it's my turn."
I started to nod, and then realized what he'd just said. Looking over my shoulder, I followed his eyes down the beach to where Vlada was setting up her umbrella next to Josh, who was helping her.
"Wait, you and Vlada?" I asked. "When did you guys get so serious?"
"Well, I haven't asked her yet," Chris said. "But you know, when you disappeared, and Josh got so upset, I started to think. I mean, I'm an adult now, and I should kind of settle down a little, and I started to think about what's really important to me, and what I want to get out of the rest of my life. I think maybe it's time I stopped fucking around so much."
"Well, good for you," I said.
"Thanks," he said. "You sure you're ok?"
"Yeah," I said, shrugging. "I'm gonna go back and rejoin the love of my life. I need some sunblock before I burn, anyway. Have fun."
"You, too," Chris said.
I walked back up the beach to find Josh stretched out on his towel, glistening with tanning lotion like a big piece of candy on his towel, muscles tight, nipples pointed, barely covered by that tiny black speedo that contrasted so well with his graham cracker brown skin. He'd taken his sunglasses off, probably to keep from getting a raccoon mask, and his bright blue eyes popped open as my shadow fell across his face, covering his high cheekbones and strong jaw. His soft lips slid apart in a grin as I sank onto my towel next to him.
"There you are," he said, leaning over to kiss me as he reached into our bag. He smelled faintly of coconuts, and I wanted to just grab him and lick him. "Want me to put some lotion on you?"
"You just want to feel me up," I said, smiling and leaning back on my arms, stretching my chest so that my pecs fanned out while my arms bulged and my stomach pulled tight. Watching Justin had taught me a couple of moves after all.
"I'll take whatever I can get," Josh said, grinning as he squeezed a big glob of sunblock onto his palm. "You ready?"
"Come and get it," I said, winking, beckoning him forward with a crooked finger.
"Get a room," Joey sighed from next to Vlada, and we all laughed.
Glancing up as Josh's hands began to press over my chest, I saw Justin about ten feet away on his towel. He wasn't laughing, or even smiling, and when he saw me looking he turned his head away. His eyes were wide and glassy, and his mouth was turned down. He gave his sports bottle a shake, as if to mix whatever was inside, and took a long swallow. Suddenly I didn't feel like laughing anymore.
Justin
It's not like I was mad at Jack for coming back or anything, because I wasn't. Jack was a really good friend to me, even when all I'd done was cause problems for everyone, over and over. Everyone kept forgiving me, and Jack kept trying his best to make sure I was ok, and make sure that I was not hurt. It didn't matter, though, because I was. No matter what they did, every time I saw Josh with someone else, every time I saw him with Jack, and saw how happy they were, it was like something stabbed me inside. I knew that they didn't want to hurt me, and that they were my friends, but I couldn't be close to them. I didn't want to be the third wheel, and I didn't want to be a wedge that drove them apart.
But I also wanted to be Jack.
Every time I saw how happy he was to be with Josh, I remembered how happy I was. I thought about Josh's arms around me, or Josh's laugh in the morning. I thought about falling asleep at night spooned up against him, feeling us breathe together, his chest rising and falling against my back. I thought about how happy I'd been, and how happy I made Josh. It wasn't enough, though. Josh was happy with me, but he wasn't whole. I wanted him to be whole, wanted him to be complete, so that he could be truly fulfilled, so I didn't fight. I let him go back to Jack, but it left a hole in me. I know jealousy is a terrible thing, and I tried not to give in to it, because I didn't want to hurt them again. I know that they thought they were reaching out to me when they asked me to be Josh's best man, but that hurt, too. I'd already given Josh away, and now they wanted me to do it again.
I didn't know how to fight my jealousy, so instead I ran away from it. Nick helped dull the pain, but like I'd said to Jack, there was nothing there, no feeling. Nick was my friend, but we didn't love each other. I don't think Nick loved anyone, or even himself, really. Nick was in love with his body, and with pleasure, but he never really felt anything. He kept me from thinking too much about Josh, though. He kept me from thinking too much about anything. If I felt down, there was Nick, ready to go shopping, or offering me a drink. He never lectured, never told me anything was wrong, and I don't think he ever thought anything was. He was always there with a boy, or a girl, or a few of each, or just with himself, ready for whatever I wanted to do to help myself forget, and it worked. My time with Nick was a blur of alcohol and sex, but when I was in the blur I didn't feel anything else. Nick did some drugs, too, but so far I'd stayed away from those.
The sun climbed higher in the sky, and we all just lay on our towels, turning, reapplying lotion, swimming every once in a while. Jack and Josh played a couple games of chess, or read their books. Joey and Vlada played cards, and then Chris came back, and the three of them and Howie went to go play volleyball a little further down the beach. Lance dutifully carried his towel over by the net to cheer for Howie, as if he couldn't come talk to the rest of us, and Nick drifted off, claiming that he had to take care of something. As it got closer to lunchtime everyone started to gather their stuff up, and I realized that I had finished the gin and tonic in my sports bottle. As I slung my towel over my shoulder and started walking up toward the sidewalk path, I heard Josh behind me.
"Justin, wait," he called, trotting up to me as Jack continued putting stuff in their bag and trying to shake the sand out of their towels. Only Jack would try to keep things sand-free at a beach. I waited, but didn't say anything. "Where are you going?"
"Back to my cottage," I answered. "I need something to drink."
Josh frowned, but skipped the lecture for once. I wonder what brought that on?
"Justin, I was hoping you might come to lunch with us," Josh began, walking along with me. "Chris said there's a good barbecue place in town. We could get some ribs or something, and just, you know, hang out."
Yeah, we could go get some ribs, and I could sit on the other side of the table and watch what I couldn't have.
"I don't think so," I said, shrugging. "I'm not really hungry."
"You should eat something if you're going to drink that much," Josh said, frowning again. Before I could say anything he held up his hands. "I'm sorry. That didn't come out right. Justin, I'm just, you know, I'm worried about you. I miss you."
"Don't worry about me," I said, plastering on a smile. "I'm fine."
Josh sighed, but tried again, smiling for me, his eyes sparkling above his perfect white teeth.
"Maybe we could hang out this afternoon," he suggested. "You know, like we used to. We could just hang out, and talk and stuff."
"Don't you and Jack have a meeting with the wedding woman this afternoon?" I asked, not quite warmly. Josh's smile slipped a little, as if he'd forgotten.
"Yeah, we do," he answered, shrugging. "Maybe we could hang out tonight."
"Yeah, maybe," I said, turning away.
He didn't say anything as I walked off down the path, and I didn't look back, but I could feel his eyes on my shoulders. I thought I heard him sigh, but then I was out of earshot, so I guess I'll never know. Walking back into my bungalow, I shut the door and walked to the kitchen, opening the refrigerator to see what we had cold. Pulling a glass down, I poured myself a shot of rum and slammed it back, feeling it burn its way down my throat. >From the bedroom, I heard a sharp sort of yelp.
I grinned. What was Nick up to now, or whom rather? Walking up to the closed door, I heard muffled talking through the door.
"Not so hard," a male voice panted, pleading and sounding strained. "Slower."
"Slower?" Nick asked. "Like this?"
"Unh, yeah," the guy panted again. Oh, Nicky, a present? You shouldn't have.
"You're so tight," Nick said, and I could hear the grin. "You like that?"
"Unh, yeah," the guy answered, and then let out another little yelp.
"Told you you would," Nick said triumphantly, and I swung the door open.
Some guy, rather attractive and very well built, was on all fours on the bed, his face a blend of strain, surprise, and lust. Nick had a hand on the back of his neck, gripping him, as his steadily driving hips pounded his cock into the guy's ass. Nick's cock was sliding in and out, the shaft visible between the guy's cheeks, and Nick looked up at me, grinning, his body flexing as both of them dripped with sweat. Nick had a nice, big dick that he couldn't help being proud of, and he had a great body that I'd enjoyed on several occasions. However much Nick liked putting his cock in other people, though, I'd never let him put it in me. I'd jerked him off a few times, but I never sucked him or let him fuck me. One of us needed to be in charge of the relationship, and I needed it to be me.
"Justin!" Nick said, grinning. He slammed forward, causing the guy under him to yelp again as he looked up at me, his brown eyes wide and glassy beneath his short brown buzz cut. He had strong shoulders, and looked to be in excellent shape. "Justin, this is David. He's one of our lifeguards. David's never been fucked before, right David?"
"Unh, no," David panted, his voice high and breathy. He looked up at me, his mouth hanging open, and I watched him caught between a little pain and a lot of pleasure. In the shadows beneath him, I could see that David's cock was hard, pressing up against his belly. Behind him, Nick kept going, abs crunching, thighs flexing, still grinning at me.
"He sure likes it, though," Nick said, laughing. I leaned on the wall, feeling myself get hard.
"Does he?" I asked, running my hand over my chest, squeezing my pec. David's wide eyes followed my every move. "He sure looks like he's enjoying it."
"You know what he might enjoy even more?" Nick asked, licking his lips. He jerked forward again, his tanned, bulging arm flexing a little as he gripped David's neck tightly. "Something in his mouth. Think you can help him out?"
"Hmmm," I said, stepping toward him. I untied my trunks and let them drop to the floor as my hard cock bobbed out, just in front of David's face. He looked up at me, his mouth hanging open. Past him, staring down his sweaty, flexing back, I could see Nick's cock driving into him. I ran my hand up and down my cock, stroking it to full attention, coaxing a little drop of precum out of the slit. "It so happens I have something right here. Think you could help me out with this, David?"
"Yeah," he panted, his eyes squinting in time to Nick's thrusts. I grabbed his short hair with one hand, pulling his head back and his mouth open, while I held my cock with the other.
"Open up, then," I said, slamming forward. I pushed my cock past his wet lips, over his tongue, and felt him gag a little as I pushed it all the way in. I waited for a second, letting his jaw stretch a little, letting him get used to it, and then I pulled out most of the way and slammed in again. I began to thrust into his mouth, fucking his face, as I held his hair tightly. "Hey Nick, I think he likes it."
"Me, too," Nick answered, grinning at me.
I watched Nick fuck his ass as I fucked his mouth, matching Nick stroke for stroke. Between us, David was all but forgotten, just a body the two of us happened to be using as we watched each other. Every few seconds he groaned, his throat vibrating around my cock, but Nick and I didn't even glance at him, just watching each other. The game was on, once again, but no way was I giving Nick the satisfaction of me cumming first. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my cock, and the feeling of warm pleasure washing over me as I felt David's warm tongue swiping up and down my shaft while his lips gripped it in a tight ring. I tilted my head back, thinking of nothing else but my pleasure, letting all thoughts of Josh slide away again.
To be continued.