Jcs Hitchhiker

Obligatory warnings and disclaimers:

1. If reading this is in any way illegal where you are or at your age, or you don't want to read about male/male relationships, go away. You shouldn't be here.

2. I don't know any of the celebrities in this story, and this story in no way is meant to imply anything about their sexualities, personalities, or anything else. This is a work of pure fiction.

Questions and commentary can be sent to "writerboy69@hotmail.com". I've been happy to hear from everyone who wrote to ask questions or say how much they liked this so far, and I wanted to say Thank You to everyone who's written.

And now, back to our story in progress.

I stuffed the necklace into my pocket, not sure why I was listening to Justin instead of throwing it away. Hope? Or maybe just weakness? Regardless, I wasn't putting it back on, and I'd decide later what I was doing with it. I sat back down next to my bags, not really looking at Justin, and he sat next to me.

"I thought I should come talk to you," Justin said, after a minute of silence.

"Talk away," I said, staring at the floor.

"Do you want to go get something to eat?" he asked.

"I'm not leaving the airport, Justin," I said, looking at him. "I'm not going to go get something to eat, and I'm not coming home with you. I'm not even sure why you're here, or if I'm even interested in what you have to say."

"I didn't say we needed to leave the airport," Justin said tersely. "Walk over there to that restaurant with me, let me buy you a coffee."

"I can afford my own coffee," I snapped, glaring at him. "I don't need your pity or your charity."

"Fine, Jack, fine, buy your own fucking coffee," Justin snapped, getting up. He began to walk toward the restaurant. "And I'm not here for pity, either. I'm here for my friends. Do you need any of those?"

"Which friends are you here for, Justin?" I asked, following him. "Are you here for Josh? Or maybe you thought you could get a little goodbye action from me? There's a bathroom over there."

Justin turned and glared at me. He didn't look like he had when he punched Lance a few hours ago, not quite that angry, but I could see I was pissing him off. He breathed deeply for a second, visibly collecting himself.

"You know what, Jack?" he asked. "How about if you try putting the hostility down, for just a second, and listening to me? It's not going to push me away, and I'm not going to make it that easy for you to leave, so you might as well save your effort, ok?"

Grudgingly, I followed Justin toward the little eatery, a little surprised, and also a little resentful. He was barely older than my students, but he'd put me in my place pretty handily, seeing right through me when I wasn't even consciously aware of what I was doing. Perhaps the boy had something to say after all. We both ordered coffees, and took a seat in one of the booths.

I stirred mine, annoyed with the silence, as Justin stared at me.

"Well?" I asked. "Talk."

"Sorry," he said. "I was trying to figure out how I should start. Considering your attitude, I guess I should just be direct. Jack, how do you feel about me?"

I paused, considering.

"Don't worry about hurting my feelings," Justin said firmly. "I'm young, but I'm not some babe in the woods. Just tell me how you feel."

"Fine," I said. "I kind of like you as a friend, but I'm also not sure about you. I don't think you meant to come between Josh and I, but you have. Maybe you were just curious, or whatever was going on with you, but I think you've been a little closer to me than you needed to be. I don't think you were trying to move in on Josh's territory or anything, and even if you did, it wouldn't matter, because I don't like you that way. I don't see myself ever liking you as more than a close friend."

"That's good," Justin said, sipping his coffee. "Because I don't like you that way, either."

I must have looked surprised.

"I'm not gay, Jack," Justin said. "I'm not even bi."

"But what was going on, then?" I asked, confused. "I mean, it's almost like you've been pursuing me."

"Well, it kind of was," Justin said, shrugging. "I was curious. When I saw you guys that first night, I wanted to just walk away, but at the same time I was just so surprised, because it was Josh, that I started to watch. And while I was watching, I started to get turned on, and I didn't know what to think. I didn't know you saw me, and when you guys were starting to finish up, I was afraid you might, so I just kind of bolted."

I just stared at him, unsure of what to say.

"I started to think about it some more, and then Josh told us about you and him," Justin continued. "I started to really think about it then, and that's when I talked to you, and Josh. I was thinking about how Josh said he never really thought about it, and never realized it, and then Brit and I started having problems, and I started to think that maybe that was what was wrong with me, too."

"I don't know if I'd say it was something wrong," I interjected quietly.

"Sorry," he said. "You know what I mean. I mean, I wouldn't have thought it, really, but I just couldn't get it out of my mind. It kept playing, over and over, in my head, and it was kind of hot. I mean, you're both really good looking guys, and the more I started to think about it, the more I started to wonder what it was like to be with a guy."

"So you started throwing yourself at me," I said.

"Not exactly," he said. "I mean, I didn't plan it, and it wasn't just you. I've been hugging Josh a lot, and finding excuses to be around him, but he thought it was because we're friends. I think you only noticed because you don't know me as well, and because you saw me. But it wasn't on purpose, like in a bad way. I just kept thinking about it, and Britney and I kept fighting, and I just kind of sort of hoped that one of you might, you know, make a move or something."

"And you don't see a problem with that?" I blurted. "I understand that you were confused, but Jesus, Justin, you thought you'd just keep throwing yourself at us until one of us went for it? You tried to break us up, Justin. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't, ok? Are you happy now? I wasn't thinking at all," he said. "But I didn't try to break you guys up. I didn't. I just, you know, I wanted to be with a guy, you know? Because I couldn't get it out of my head, and I just needed to know."

"Justin, this can't possibly come as a shock to you, but you can have practically any guy you wanted," I said, shrugging. "You could scream it in the middle of this airport, and I'm willing to bet that guys would come running from every direction."

Justin smiled.

"Yeah, but I don't know them," he said. "I know you guys, and I trust you. If I was gonna be with a guy, I don't want it to just be some random hookup. I wanted it to be with someone I trust."

I looked at Justin.

"Yeah, we'd hate for you to just meet some guy and then sleep with him," I said ironically.

"Oh, sorry," he said. "I didn't mean you and Josh. He said you had this connection."

"I thought we did," I said, looking down.

"I think you still do," he said. "And I'm sorry I came between it. I was being selfish, and I came here to try to catch you, to see if I could make up for it."

"Justin, it wasn't just you," I said. "Don't take all the blame."

"I know," he said. "But Josh didn't mean what he said, Jack. He didn't. He's scared right now, and he's upset."

"What's he scared of?" I asked, although I thought I knew.

"All of this," Justin said. "He's scared of the way Lance reacted. What's going to happen when he tells his family? Or if the fans find out? Sometimes when people are afraid they lash out at people around them, even people they love."

He wasn't saying anything I didn't know, but I still didn't want to hear it. I could feel my resolve slipping.

"Justin, he hurt me," I said.

"Oh, and you're the only one who got hurt?" Justin shot back. "What about him? Do you think he went peeling out of the parking lot because he was happy?"

"I don't care, Justin," I said. I was lying. I did care, but I also knew I couldn't be hurt that way.

"I think you do," he said. "I think you care a hell of a lot, and you're just as scared as he is."

"Justin, what about the rest of it?" I asked. "You know, after last night?"

Justin looked down, and then back up at me. His dark blue eyes stared into mine.

"I left because I was scared, too," Justin said. "I was scared to talk to either of you."

"Were we that bad?" I asked. He'd seemed to enjoy himself.

"No, no, not like that," he said. "I just woke up, and you know, thought about what we did, and I was afraid, because I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if Josh would be mad, or you would be, or what, so I just kind of bolted."

I shrugged. I could sort of understand.

"And the rest, well, you know, it was good," he said, blushing. "It was nice, and it was fun and all, but I'm really not, you know, I don't swing that way. I realized that this morning, too. I guess I was just, you know, curious."

"I'm not really sure what to say, Justin," I said. "I guess I'm glad we helped prove you were straight."

"Jack, what we had last night was amazing," he said, taking my hand. "I wouldn't take it back for anything in the world, and I don't regret it at all, but it just wasn't me. But, you know, Josh and I have been friends, best friends, for years, and now I feel even closer to him. And I feel pretty damn close to you, too. And I can't just let you leave, because you guys really do have something special, and because of the way I feel about both of you, I have to do everything I can, everything, to keep you guys from making a mistake."

I pulled my hand away.

"Justin, what if it's not a mistake?" I asked. "What if we're just not meant to be?"

"Jack, I've never seen two people who were more meant for each other," Justin said. "Josh lights up when he's around you. He sees you, and it's like none of us exist. And you get the same look. It's like you guys are the world for each other."

I didn't say anything. It was true, but I didn't want to face it.

"Jack, you guys love each other," Justin said. "Love is worth fighting for."

I sighed, and put my coffee down.

"Justin, you're not at all the person I thought you were," I said. "I've misjudged you, and I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he said. "I don't mind. You saw what I let everyone see, because it's all I feel like showing anyone. Nobody likes a smart blond, Jack, and I get a lot farther by being dumb and pretty."

"This is unbelievable," I said, shaking my head. "Did you talk to Josh about any of this? What did he say?"

"Jack, we can't find him," Justin said.

"What?" I asked, leaning forward. "What do you mean?"

"I mean he hasn't come back," Justin said. "Jack, we can't find him."

"We?" I asked. "Justin, it's been hours. What do you mean you can't find him?"

"Chris went out to look for him," Justin said. "He checked the studio, and Josh wasn't there, so he came back, and we all sat down together and talked about what to do. Brit and Lance were going as soon as they got back from the emergency room, and Chris is still out."

"He's not answering his phone?" I asked. Josh always carried his phone, always.

"No," Justin answered, running his hands over the stubble on top of his head. "We've called everyone we know, and they're all still out driving around. We can't think of anywhere else to go, Jack. Josh is lost."

Justin's breath hitched, and I looked up to see his eyes filling with tears.

"No," I said, standing. "Justin, get up. We have to go find him. I have to find him."

But we had no idea of where to look.

Justin drove me back to the apartment, and I threw my bags inside. Running through to the bedroom, I frantically picked up the cell phone from the floor. If Josh was screening the calls from the others, using the caller ID on the phone, he would recognize this number. He might answer. If he felt anything like what I was feeling, he'd answer the telephone. The phone was broken.

"Damn it, fucking damn it!" I yelled, throwing it again.

"Jack, stop it!" Justin said, grabbing my arms before I could break anything else.

"This is my fault, Justin," I said. "This is all my fault. I hurt him, and now he's out there somewhere, and he's alone. It's dark, Justin! It's dark, and Josh is out there, and none of us know where he is, and he's in pain."

"Jack," Justin began, but stopped. He didn't seem to have anything else to say.

"It's my fault, Justin," I said. "Call Chris, and let me talk to him."

I sent Chris, with a few of the bodyguards, to the Beverly Center, to walk around and look for him there. I sent Britney and Lance to go check all the stores that Josh had taken me to. Justin knew of some music stores in an area downtown that Josh liked to look around at, for sheet music and old records, and I sent him there. I paced the courtyard with the cordless phone, the apartment not being big enough for me.

Where was he?

As the minutes ticked by without news, I somehow got it into my head that I should unpack, and that pretending none of this morning had happened might somehow make Josh come home. I was in the bedroom, frantically hanging things in the closet, when Lance walked in.

My first impulse was to snap at him, to demand to know what he wanted, or if he hadn't done enough yet, but the look in his eyes stopped me. Lance's nose was puffy, and bruising a little already, wrapped in white tape. I hadn't realized Justin had punched him so hard, but his nose looked like it was probably broken. I almost said something anyway, but then I remembered that he had been out looking for Josh, too, and I decided to give him a chance. He stood uncomfortably in the doorway, shifting from foot to foot.

"I, Jack, can I talk to you?" he asked. "Britney thought we should come check the emergency rooms, so I sent her to go find a phone book."

"Um, sure, Lance," I said. I didn't think he'd want to sit on the bed, so I gestured toward the living room. "Maybe, do you want to sit?"

"Sure," he said, turning toward the living room.

I followed him, and we sat awkwardly across from each other in the chairs. Lance stared at his shoes, and I looked at the coffee table. He tried to start a couple times, inhaling, or clearing his throat, and I sighed.

"Can I help you in some way?" I asked, holding out my hands. "Maybe get you a drink?"

"Yes," he said gratefully. "I'd like that."

I was opening the cabinet, getting a glass out, when Lance began to speak behind me.

"I don't like you, Jack," he said. This was an odd way to start. "I don't like you, but it's easy for me not to like you, because I don't know you. But I know Josh."

I turned, leaning back against the counter, and just let him talk.

"Josh is my friend," Lance said quietly. "I don't know if Josh still knows that. I haven't really acted like his friend. I haven't really acted like anyone's friend, and I don't know if I can say I'm sorry to Josh and let him know I mean it."

He sighed.

"Jack, what you're doing is wrong. It's not right, it's immoral, and it makes me not like you. And that's wrong as well. I've had, you know, a lot of time to think about this the past couple days, and I realized that I did like you. When I met you at Josh's barbecue, we talked for hours, and I was starting to really like you. You were Josh's friend, and I thought you might be my friend someday, too. And then Josh told us all about you guys, and I couldn't like you anymore. And I couldn't like him anymore, either."

He was just kind of rambling, but hey, maybe he just needed to unload it all. I couldn't believe he'd sat this long in the same room with me and neither of us had used the word "fuck" in a sentence. I set his water down in front of him, and settled back into my chair.

"I'm never going to understand why you are the way you are, Jack, but I don't have to. Josh and I talked, and he explained that it's the way he is, and that you didn't do anything to make him like that, and I didn't listen to him, because it wasn't what I wanted to hear. It's not what I was raised to believe, but I was also raised to believe that you're only supposed to hate the sin. And I don't want to hate you, either of you. Josh is my friend, and I think, maybe, I think maybe some day I might like it, if, you know, you and I got along. For Josh."

"Lance," I began. I so very much did not want to blow this. "Lance, you're right. We're not friends. We've said a lot of nasty things to each other, but I appreciate you coming to talk to me. It means a lot to know that you came up here, and laid this all out for me, because I know it can't have been easy. I know that mostly you did this because of Josh, and your friendship with him, but I also think that maybe, someday, it might be nice if you and I got along, too."

The two of us seemed unsure of what to say after that. Stripped of the ability to insult and curse and swear at each other, we'd run out of things to talk about.

"Maybe we should go see if Brit's found anything yet," Lance suggested.

"Great idea," I said, following him quickly out of the apartment.

Any evening that ended with Lance and I almost apologizing to each other was entirely too surreal for my tastes. Fortunately, Brit hadn't found any trace of Josh at any of the local hospitals, or any of the private doctors she could think of. It was fortunate because it meant that Josh hadn't been in an accident, but it also meant we were no closer to finding him. Chris returned next, not having turned up anything at the mall, or any of the other places he had thought of while he was driving to and fro, and we sat around the table in the courtyard, a pile of cordless and cellular telephones in front of us.

"Maybe we should get some food," Brit said.

"Did anyone think to check restaurants?" I asked suddenly.

"Yeah, we did," Justin said, walking in from the parking lot. He looked tired, and Brit jumped up from her seat and walked over, folding him in her arms. "Hey."

"Hey," she said. Justin had explained to me on the way back from the airport that the two of them hadn't really talked yet, but they'd be staying in his place tonight, even if Justin did have to sleep in the second bedroom.

"I think food would be a good idea," Chris said. "Suggestions?"

"Jack, what do you like?" Lance asked.

I thought Chris was going to swallow his cigarette. Justin and Brit, still hugging, watched without comment.

"Maybe we should get Chinese," I suggested. "Josh might come back before it gets here, and that's his favorite."

"Good idea," Lance said. "I have menus in my apartment."

Lance walked to his apartment quickly, and disappeared inside. Everyone watched him, and then looked back at me. I shrugged.

"I'm going to go call JC's family, and see if they've heard from him," Chris said, pulling a phone from the pile.

"Don't tell them anything," Justin said quickly. "We don't want to panic them."

"I'll just tell them I'm out of town, and I'm trying to reach him and can't," he said. "They'll just figure he's not home."

Josh's family had nothing to add. They hadn't heard from him all day, and told Chris that maybe he should check with Josh's friend Jack, who had come from out of town to visit him.

"Thanks, I'll do that," Chris said. "Good talking to you."

"There's no one else we can call," Justin sighed.

"What are we going to do?" I asked.

No one had an answer.

We ate dinner mostly in silence, picking dispiritedly over everything. I tried to imagine where Josh was. Was he eating? Was he ok? When was he coming back? Chris raised another important point when we were done eating. Britney had brought some cookies down, having gone on a baking spree yesterday while she wasn't talking to Justin, and we were picking them over.

"I can't believe you made six dozen different cookies," I said, biting into another one.

"I used to make them all the time with my mom," she said, pushing the milk toward me.

"Guys, we may have to call someone else," Chris said suddenly, looking at Justin and Lance.

"No press," Justin said quickly.

"Yeah, we have to keep this out of the papers," Lance agreed.

"I'm not talking about reporters," Chris said. "Although we also need to put together a story about Lance's nose."

"What did you tell the emergency room staff?" I asked.

"Tennis accident," Britney answered.

"Better stick with that, then, so no one compares notes," I said, shrugging. "Chris?"

"If we haven't found Josh by morning I think we have to tell management," Chris said.

"Do we have to involve them?" Justin asked.

"This is a personal, internal matter," Lance added. "There's no reason to call them."

Chris nodded, but didn't seem to agree.

"Guys, we have an interview in two days," he reminded them. "All of us. We need Josh back, and ready."

"Are you sure there isn't anywhere else we can look?" Britney asked.

"I can't think of anywhere else," Justin said. "Anybody else?"

We all shook our heads.

"I don't want to call management in on this," Lance said.

"Me either," Justin agreed.

"We may not get a choice, guys," Chris said.

Before they could argue it any further we heard a loud screeching of tires from the parking lot, followed by the hollow bang of one car hitting another. The long wail of a horn began to blare through the night joined by the shriek of a car alarm.

"That's my car alarm," Chris said.

We all stood with dream-like slowness.

"No, oh no," I whispered, but it wouldn't change it. I knew. I knew it before Justin got to the archway, before he started yelling at us to hurry.

His voice carried to me with the underwater sound of dreams, the slow molasses feeling of trying to walk through syrup. His words were marbles rolling across the floor.

"Hurry!" Justin yelled again.

Suddenly everything was moving at normal speed again, as if a stretched rubber band of reality had suddenly snapped back.

"Hurry! It's Josh!"

That's it for now. The next chapter will be up soon.